Please turn your Bibles this morning to 1 Peter 3, verses 1-7. As you turn there, I hate to break it to you, but life is not fair. We'd be in poor shape if we all got what we deserved. And even if we did get what we deserved, When we do things well, sometimes those in authority may not reward us and may even condemn us for doing what is right in the eyes of God. Governing authorities can be despotic. Masters and bosses can be cruel. Even marriage may have us feeling trapped and treated poorly. What do we do in these circumstances? That's what the context of this passage has been teaching us. Peter is telling us life is hard, it's not fair, and sometimes we will be in positions or places, even intimately, where we think things are not going well. What do we do? Here is Peter's commendation for us to submit in marriage. Let's hear these words. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands. as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you are her children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. As we consider these words, let us ask God for guidance and for direction. Let's pray. Lord, these topics are difficult to us because we live in a culture which has glossed over, sought to change, or even ridiculed your way and your purpose in marriage. Father, we pray for understanding and wisdom that we might know how to please you in marriage, in life, and in all things. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen. During the time when the New Testament was written, there were some rabbis who taught that a man could divorce his wife for any reason, even if she cooked breakfast the wrong way in the morning. Society in general in those days seems to have accepted a verbal declaration as a valid divorce for the most part. In fact, it was said in many times or cultures that if someone said three times, I divorce you, his wife would be put out on the streets. Women often were considered property. with basically few or no rights, no valid testimony in court, and a tremendous dependence on men, either their husbands, their fathers, or their sons, for their livelihood and their well-being. The shock is not so much that Peter would suggest to them to submit to their husbands. That's what culture would say at that time in that place. But the shocking thing was the case, as it was with slaves earlier in this context, that Peter would even address women telling them how they should live their lives. to suggest that they had rights and responsibilities in their position was shocking to a world that just assumed that they were either property or those who would follow blindly whatever their husbands would call them to do. You see, it would have been unheard of for a woman not to follow the religious path of their husband. And yet, this was the situation of the early church. There were women whose husbands were not believers, who may even be persecuting them for their faith, who wanted to know or needed to know by the Holy Spirit how do we handle this situation when we want to live a life pleasing to God through Jesus Christ and our husbands don't even believe the word. They have rejected it. How do we live a valid Christian life before God when authorities, either governing authorities, as in verse 13 of chapter 2, or masters, as in chapter 2, verse 18, or in the case of husbands, here in chapter 3, how do we live a Christian life before God when authorities make it difficult? Well here, Peter addresses, by the power of the Holy Spirit, the words of God to us in marriage. He says godly wives, first of all, are those who submit. Now, my secretary this week, he decided on a picture to put in the bulletin and I said no. It was a scripture passage and it had basically the S word, what we don't like to hear. We don't like to hear the word submit or submission in our culture. But that is the first thing that Peter says wives should do. It's consistent with the words of Paul. It's consistent with the words of Christ and with all the scripture. And it's interesting, he uses this transition here, likewise. In other words, this is similar to what he has just said to slaves in regard to despotic masters. He says, like that. In other words, the respect here given a husband for the position of husband is not because he deserves it, not because he has earned it, but because he is your husband. In other words, the respect given is like a slave giving a master who's unfair. It's understanding that in some contexts, marriage will seem unfair. Particularly if you have come to Christ and you see the wonders and the glory of Christ, and you see your sins forgiven, and you want to live and please Him, and you have an unbelieving husband who says, basically, I don't care what you do, I'm not going to do that, and may even hinder you from doing the things you feel called to do, what do you do? You submit to win them. That's an interesting way to put it. He doesn't begin by saying, okay, you submit because God says to. He's already said that in the context here of this passage. He doesn't say, you submit because I want you to know how important it is or how you can change that person's heart. He says, you do this so that some may be won. You submit to win your husband's. And then he tells you how to do it. He says, these husbands, some of whom may not obey the word or disregard or reject the word of God, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives. You win your husbands by conduct. Now this is interesting. It says here, when they see your respectful and pure conduct and so forth, it might happen without a word I'm a husband and I know there are times when my wife will get after me about something I need to do. And the scriptures say that a nagging wife is like a faucet that goes drip, drip, drip. It's not because she's a bad person or she doesn't have the right things to say or that she's not correct in telling me to do those things. But sometimes if I hear it again and again, I'm more likely to ignore it because of my own sin. Harping and nagging at someone who's an unbeliever will turn them away from the church and from Jesus Christ. But good conduct is admirable, particularly in those situations where the husband doesn't deserve it. You know, when the husband is mean or cruel with his words, perhaps is not paying the attention that you think he should, is not doing the things around the house that you think he should, or perhaps is not taking the position of leadership that is his in marriage, ordained by God. Your conduct speaks louder sometimes than your words. Over time, who knows, God may win your husband because you are acting in such a way that it doesn't even reflect his obtuseness. You are, after all, doing what's right regardless of what your husband says or thinks. By your conduct, you may win them. Now, again, this is important to know. It says you might win them or could win them. The Apostle Paul, when he talks about marriage, he reminds us that if you have an unbelieving spouse, either a husband or a wife, if you have an unbelieving spouse, you cannot assume that God will bring them to faith. You can't. It may not happen. It might not be God's design. But probably more often than not, if it's the spouse that he uses to bring someone to faith, it is through their conduct even more than their words. Wives, submit to your husbands to win them by your conduct in fear. Notice what it says. When they see your respectful and pure conduct, the idea here is that this respect is the word fear. This is not the fear of your husband. Peter has already said in the context back in chapter 2 verse 17, honor everyone, love the brotherhood, fear God. In other words, when you submit to your husband and act in such a way that pleases God regardless of what your husband does or says or thinks, you're doing this because you fear God more than you fear man. You fear God and not the circumstances, not the conditions which might come across because you are following God. It's a position of strength and not of weakness to do what you know is pleasing in the sight of God, even if it means when it's appropriate to submit to your husband. You see, it's because when you submit, you submit with God's values. It says, do not let your adorning be external. And he lists three things that Paul also lists back to Timothy in 1 Timothy. He says the three things here, the hair, the jewelry, and the clothing. Isn't that what we get a lot of advertisements for even today? Hair, jewelry, and clothing. Now we have it for men too. The values of the world are external. How we look, how we appear, the bling that we might wear to show our wealth or status, the things that look good on the outside. It doesn't mean that we should purposely come and make ourselves look miserable all the time, but it does mean the more important thing is not external, but internal. Instead of those things being the focus of your life as you seek to please your husband or as you seek to show the world who you are, instead, you should let your adorning, verse 4, be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which in God's sight is very precious. In other words, God's values are not external, they're internal. They're not those things that will perish with the world. Our clothes wear out. Jewelry fades and comes out of style as well. Our hairstyle is very temporary. And after all, it gets gray or else we have to keep doing stuff with it to make it so it doesn't look gray anymore. But the things of God are imperishable. And notice what he says, gentleness and quiet. The word is peaceful. and they're imperishable because they're a fruit of the Spirit. After all, what is fruit of the Spirit? That's what our really young kids are learning in Sunday school at the beginning with our puppets is that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Two of those, peace and gentleness. Exhibiting fruit of the Spirit is eternal. It cannot be conquered. It is incorruptible or imperishable. And when we're acting in such a way, even in front of a foolish or obtuse husband, if we're acting in these ways, God is pleased by the way we act. We use God's values as we submit to one another. But not only do they submit to win their husbands, not only do they submit with God's values, they also submit as they hope in God. He gives an example here. An example, it's hard sometimes to figure out what exactly did Sarah's faith look like. We read a portion of that here in Genesis chapter 18. And we think that this is the one verse from which Peter relies on because in that verse, Sarah talked about her Lord. Not capital L or capital L-O-R-D, but little l, her lord or master. She called Abraham her lord. I won't go over too well with American society right now, I know that. I'm not asking that everybody go home and say, OK, Master, what is your bidding? I'm not asking that kind of thing. We don't blindly submit to people and we recognize there are certain things in our culture that are not really acceptable. But she recognized he was the position of authority in the marriage God given to conduct that marriage in a pleasing way before him. And because she hoped in God, she could do that. Now, Abraham was not always the best guy. After all, Abraham more than once said, OK, make yourself look good, Sarah, pretend you're not my wife and we'll go, and she was actually taken by somebody else. You know, what kind of husband does that? Also, here's Abraham, I can just imagine how these three men are coming to dinner and he says, quick, OK, get at our best, cook the meal, they're coming. And I have to say, sometimes at home I would be afraid to do that, especially if I know everybody's tired and it's the last minute. And yet, here she is, as she hopes in God, respecting authority. Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. In other words, by calling him this, in that context, in that time, she's recognizing that God has placed order in marriage. It may not seem fair, it may not seem like it's not oppressive or something like that, but it's God's ordained order that the man is responsible. And so, even if she doesn't agree with him, if it's not something that asks her to do something against the will or way of God, respecting authority, she submits to him. And in so doing, she does good. You are her children, or you became her children, if you do good. In other words, it's not necessarily just by heritage or by biological descent, but it's by your faith. played out in your actions that show you're a part of Sarah's family. Now, this is so fascinating. Because throughout the New Testament, we're bombarded with being called children of Abraham by faith. Because Abraham believed God, if we believe God by faith, we're a part of Abraham's family. And that's true. But here he says, in a special way, women who follow the example of Sarah, submitting herself to her husband in marriage, you're part of Sarah's family. You're Sarah's children in this sense. In other words, the Scriptures lift up Sarah as a mother-type figure to the church because of her actions of good conduct in submitting to this husband who ripped her out of a familiar place and took her on a journey when he could not even tell her where she would go. To a place that was unfamiliar and oppressive where they had to fight battles, and where she was barren for many years, not having children of her own, and yet she submitted to her husband and God honors her example and says, if you follow that example, doing good, you are her children. And lest the world say that by doing these things, submitting to your husband, even when he may not be correct, that this is a position of strength and not of weakness. Do not fear anything that is frightening. Standing up to fear. What is the fear? What is the frightening thing that's going on? She's going to do what's right even if she understands the consequences are her husband being cruel to her. This is the same thing that the slave was doing before a master. Doing what was right in the eyes of God, even if the human authority or human relationship is one that will bring circumstances which are not pleasant. This woman in submitting to her husband at the same time is going to do it with God's values, God's ways, as she hopes in God, not hopes in the fact of her husband being converted necessarily. but hopes in the God who will reward her for her good conduct and will bring her into the family of God so that no matter what the world brings at her, she can stand up to things that are normally terrifying because she's doing what's right in the eyes of God." You've been in on a conversation. The conversation, two women get together and the one says to the other, why do you put up with him? After all, he's such a fill-in-the-blank. He can be so mean and cutting. He can belittle you. He can make you look like dirt and he talks about you behind your back and when he gets together with his friends, he demeans you and does all those things to you. And he's such a fool. And the other woman, How is she going to respond? The world around us tells us that she should respond by saying, yeah, you're right, I need to file divorce papers. Or, yeah, you're right, look at how awful a guy he is and all this other stuff. What does the godly woman do? She refuses to speak ill of her husband, even if her friend is right, because she's respecting her husband and submitting to him, even if everything that woman said was exactly true about her husband. the ability to do what is right regardless of praise, regardless of what the world will call you, perhaps calling you crazy because you're acting in such a way, and regardless of whether you will be treated badly for it. Now, obviously, I'm not suggesting that a woman continue to go into a marriage where she's going to be physically beaten and put in danger. No, it's not like that. But it is recognizing life is not fair. And insofar as you are safe, you are called to respect your husband. Insofar as it pleases God, you're called to submit to Him. And it's hard. And it's difficult. And sometimes it's going to feel as if the world's weight is on your shoulders, but because you hope in God, you will be different than the world around you. And the world will see Christ in you. Now it doesn't seem fair, does it? There are six verses addressed to the women. There's only one verse addressed to the men. It seems as if Peter might actually be a chauvinist, right? Well, here's what he says, likewise. In other words, everything you've already heard that wives are supposed to be to their husbands, you're to be with your wives as well. Plus, what else I'm going to give you? So the men don't get off the hook. They too are supposed to be winsome in front of unbelieving wives. They too are supposed to conduct themselves in the right manner with internal values and not external values. They too are supposed to hope in God, as they do good and as they do things, not for what the world would think, but because God wants it. In addition, they are to be those who honor their wives. There's not less responsibility. There's more. They're supposed to honor their wives, first of all, with knowledge. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way." This is knowledge, and the knowledge here is twofold. First of all, it's intimate knowledge. He says, live with. There are sexual connotations here. In other words, you are to be with your wife, not anybody else, with her, with her alone. You are to intimately know her as an important part of marriage. living together with your wives. But also the knowledge of this, and this sounds terrible, doesn't it? To a world around us who tries to tell us there's no difference among the genders. It's not only an intimate knowledge, it's an intentional knowledge, knowing that there are gender differences and weaknesses. Now it doesn't mean that the man does not have his weaknesses too. He does. But it recognizes primarily, I think, in Scripture that this is a physical weakness. We see this around us, even as the world around us is trying to tell us that men and women are exactly the same. There's no difference among the genders. Yet there are those competing in athletics who remind us that it's not fair that a man could say, OK, I'm a woman now, and I'm going to compete with everybody else, because he runs away with the prize. Even when the man recognizes his wife is different, has her weaknesses, perhaps physical weaknesses, he still, with that knowledge, seeks to live with her and honor her. In other words, he's bestowing honor upon her. Now the other picture that my secretary wouldn't let me put on the cover of the bulletin was probably a good idea. It was a picture of a woman placed on a pedestal, although she was in a maid's outfit, which was not good. She was placed on that pedestal, but the man is kneeling before her and looking up to her. In that sense, husbands, is that the way you're treating your wife? I was reminded in this day and age of the cars, and I mentioned this here a few months ago, that I had gotten out of the practice of going over to open the door for my wife because our car, the remote key thing, stopped working. And so, you know, you go over and you have to unlock the door and then, you know, she gets in or whatever. But when we go in the other car, we have remote unlocking and it's really easy now to go over and open the door for her. Open the door for him. Even if the world says that's chauvinist, we're doing that not because we think little of her, but because we think much of her. She does a lot for you. She's given up a lot for you. She is someone who has been called to be your helpmate. And we should, because of who she is, even if you don't think she deserves it, even if you think that she's not the best wife in the world, even if she's not a believer, yet at the same time, she is your wife and she, by the Scriptures, should be honored. It's intentional. For example, I know after school, after my wife has been teaching on concrete and hardly sat down, that her foot is hurting. I know that after a long day, she's tired. And I know that it's been difficult to have to sacrifice in order to do those things and to come home and cook our dinner and do other things like that. And we must honor her because of who she is and also because of what she's done. We must value and honor our wives. So often we treat them with disrespect and we go around just like the wives might talk about the husbands with each other. We husbands might go and say, oh, look at my wife. Look at how she's like this and she's like this. I can't take that. I can't take this. And instead, we must treat them with honor and respect. And even if our buddy says it's terrible that you're with this woman who treats you in such a way, the husband is going to not say back. You're right. He's going to hold his tongue because he values his wife. She is his spiritual partner. Here's what it says, since they are co-heirs with you of the grace of life, In other words, they're equal in inheritance. It's not as if because the man is the man of authority in the marriage, it's not as if he's going to get more blessings than she is. No. They're equal in blessing. In fact, it says in Scripture, this is why Paul says, there is no difference, neither male nor female. We all are given the treatment as if we're inherited by the firstborn son in their culture. That is, they get all the good stuff. We're equal in inheritance, not weaker in faith, not weaker in status before God. Just necessarily different because of the way God created us. We're not only equal in inheritance, we're also equal in grace. It says, since there are heirs with you, of the grace of life. What is the grace of life? It's not just that we're alive. The grace of life is that we're given life in Christ Jesus as new creatures. Our sins are forgiven and we're new creatures in Christ. So now we're equal in inheritance, equal in grace, and so a marriage that's working properly together, we don't have to be reminded all the time, okay, you need to submit to your husband, you need to value your wife. These things are automatically taking place. Imperfectly, yes, we're sinners. But we're recognizing that together, together we're partners operating in such a way that marriage is a picture of Jesus in the church. Because when we have problems with each other, we have problems preserving communication with God. So that, Likewise, husbands, do all these things that wives are supposed to do. Likewise, husbands, treat your wives with honor and with respect, understanding who they are in your presence, so that your prayers may not be hindered. In other words, men, if you're not treating your wife with the respect that you should, If you're disrespecting her, treating her shamefully, exhibiting before a watching world that you don't love her, God may not listen to your prayers. A problem in marriage bleeds over into our relationship with God. I could say a lot more about this text, and I know preachers sometimes can have a lot of fun with this text. And it's always kind of a little bit of trepidation to preach from such a text. At least we're supposed to fear this kind of thing, at least a watching world it seems like. But this text on the one hand addresses those in a tough spot of living with unfair, unfair even domestic authorities. On the other hand, this text's repercussions hits every married person with a hard truth. By nature, our sinfulness causes struggles and problems with this God-given miraculous institution. Marriage is given by God as the closest of all relationships. In other words, it's the one relationship that he says models how much Jesus loves the church. And the way the church acts is supposed to model the way a wife reacts in the marriage, submitting to the Savior. And the way that Jesus acts in that relationship is supposed to be the model for how a husband treats the wife. This is the closest of all relationships, and therefore, when we have intimacy and close relationships with someone outside of marriage, it is a distorted view of God's created order. And yet in all of this, it illustrates Christ's love for the church. Even if this is changed by the power of God's Holy Spirit through faith. Think of this. God can use marriage As it says in the first six verses of this text, God can use marriage in the case when someone comes to Christ and their unbelieving spouse stays with them. God can use that person who's come to Christ, their conduct to prepare them to hear the message of the gospel and perhaps save them eternally. On the other hand, God uses that picture and model to a watching world to show them what Jesus is like and what the gospel looks like. Marriage is supposed to be a walking example and picture of the grace and glory of God. How important is it that we get this right? Now obviously we cannot do this on our own power. We need the Spirit at work in us. But the way that you're treating your spouse, the way that you reflect this week on how is our marriage working, what does it look like to our children and our grandchildren, what does it look like to my husband or to my wife, men or women, What does it look like to a world around us as they look and they see all the difficult things and all the easy things, all the tough times, the hard times as well as the easy times? What is it that God can do through a marriage that seeks to serve Him? With man, this is impossible. But with God, it is possible. Let's pray that God would use our marriage to affect the lives of those around us and ourselves. Let's pray. Father, as we consider what you have called us to be and to do in marriage, prepare our young people for this institution. Prepare us to repent of our sins against our spouse and against you. Prepare us to understand how to please you as we seek to submit to one another, as we seek to value and respect those you have placed in authority over us, as you have called us to honor those that are around us. Father, we pray that you will call us to do things pleasing in your sight, regardless of what the world would say about it. We pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen.