All right, good morning. Thanks for coming out on a Saturday morning in November to talk about one of our favorite topics, marriage. Let's get started with a word of prayer. Oh, Lord God Almighty, our Father in heaven, we come before you eager to learn from your word to apply what we learned from your word to our daily lives, particularly in this lesson related to marriage. We come before you and confess our shortfalls. We turn to Christ for forgiveness and ask by your word and spirit that you would sanctify us in this area. So be with us now as we learn together and grow together for the praise and glory of your name, through Christ, amen. All right, well, welcome. This is the seventh of what we're calling 15 Lessons in Biblical Leadership. And so, just so you know, it was just over 44 years that that Eileen and I entered into marriage. And you should know that at the time, I knew everything there was to know about being a good husband. That lasted about, I don't know, two or three hours, maybe tops. And then the real learning began and realized More and more, even 44 years later, just how much I do not know. And so I'd say that to say only that together we're going to be learning. I don't come up here as saying, okay, boys, I got the answers. Here we go. No, the answers are coming to us from the Bible. So I suspect that really each one of us, you know, we've read, we've studied, We've heard much about marriage and the role of husbands and wives. Without even trying, I'm pretty confident that most of you have Ephesians 5.25 memorized. Again, without even trying. And of course, that's husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. You know, as part of the Living in Babylon series a couple years ago, I had a lesson on this very topic, only this wasn't just men, this was with mixed company of men and women. And afterwards, one of those attending, one of the men, said something to me that's stuck with me ever since, and now I'm gonna answer his question. His question is this, why is it that in Bible studies dealing with marriage, that men are the ones that get beat up, and women are handled with tender care? And I know, I understand. what he was saying. By way of introduction, I'd like to answer that question in two parts. First of all, I get what he means about getting beat up. And so there is the beating up that says, you guys are morons. What idiots. You know, we're, how far short we fall. So I don't find that approach very good. I find it hardly motivating or edifying. However, it should be said that the Bible does not shy away from pointing out our faults, which is nothing more than convicting us of our sin. And that's a good thing, because what it does is it brings us right back to the foundation of how we started this whole series to begin with. The foundation of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It drives us to Christ for forgiveness. And then having been forgiven, Then we work out our sanctification by God's word and spirit. And we'll find in this study the truth is that men and women both fall short in their respective roles, which means that men and women both need the gospel. And then again, having been forgiven to seek to live in a state of repentance out of thankfulness for our salvation. There's this daily putting off of the old man and putting on of the new man that describes the Christian life. Marriage and leadership as husbands, this is one of those parts where there's the dying of the old man, question answer 89, what is the dying of the old man? The dying of the old man, heartfelt sorrow for sin, causing us to hate and turn from it always more and more. And then question answer 90, what is the making alive of the new man? Heartfelt joy in God through Christ, causing us to take delight in living according to the will of God in all good works. That's the process. We are a work in progress. So are our wives. We each are going through that wonderful and sometimes painful process of sanctification. So that's the first part of the answer to his question I would give. I agree with him as far as the beating up and put it in context. The second part of the answer addresses why men are the lightning rods in marriage studies, in Bible studies about marriage. And that answer is really very simple, because men are the leaders. And such is the nature. Leaders, by the very nature and definition of leadership, are ground zero for taking responsibility. That's just the way it is. You can say that's true in corporate America. It's true on the football field. It's true in politics. It's true in owning a business. It's even true in leading nonprofit organizations. And it's even true in the church. Hence, biblical leadership in an area in which we as men are specifically appointed by God to be leaders means that we are to be open to biblical admonishment, to confess our shortcomings, run to Christ for forgiveness, and humbly seek to live in thankful obedience. And to do so without asking, yeah, but what about her? So let's focus on us, and that's where we're going to focus. So what does it actually mean to take the lead in marriage? We're going to take that answer in, again, two parts. We'll answer that by first looking at the nature of marriage, and then consider what the Bible says about exercising headship in marriage. Oops. Yep, there we go, okay. So the biblical leader model thus far, we typically spend more time on this chart on the front end. Actually gonna bring this chart up on the back end. The only thing I wanna do right now is just point out to you the addition from last month's lesson, the four loves, as we continue to build this up. The four loves, lessons of virtuous endearment, I know it's a gift. And those four things, I'm sorry, this is all about taking the lead in romance. And so to be honest, this is a pretty important part for us. I mean, we think about this frequently. But something to remember is this, particularly after we are proclaimed husband and wife at the wedding, This is really important. Romance does not create a loving and intimate relationship. It's really important. Romance does not create a loving and intimate relationship. Romance is the natural result of a loving and intimate relationship. I'll keep working with this. Thank you. And this loving and intimate relationship is something that's built by the four loves. Understanding our wives, we'll talk more about that today. Honoring our wives. Protecting our wives. And living in a spirit of grace with our wives. So now, having that lead up, let's talk about the nature of marriage. So in the nature of marriage, we first understand, and again, I know all of this is review, but it's good to just keep chewing on these things. As husbands and wives, we are the same, but different. Genesis 127, God created man in his own image, in the image of God, he created him, male and female, he created them. We're going to spend a lot of time really hammering this point, but it's something that keeps getting missed in our society. We've talked about the imago dei before, the fact that both man and woman reflect the image of God. Each has a soul. Each has a body. Each share in the communicable attributes of God. Those attributes of God that He has given to us. There's no distinction between man and woman. We both have the capacity for love and for knowledge. We both have the capacity for exercising justice and mercy and so on. Each of us as image bearers are required to obey God. Each of us are subject to justice apart from God and mercy in Christ. Each of us are equal in dignity. We really got to hammer this point. There is nothing inherently superior of one over another. It's true for men, we're not inherently superior over a woman. And now, in an age where movies all about girl power are coming forth and superpowers and so forth, and likewise, women are not superior over men. We're equal. This is a tough concept for many and is the lure of a lot of misconceptions. I find it interesting and I can't help but bring something like this in. I find it interesting but not surprising. I know it's old but there's been a whole series of books since but if you remember Jim Collins writing a book called Good to Great. This was a study of companies that survived economic downturns, not just survived, but became stronger and stronger and really grew over time, so that consistency. And in this study, he tried to determine, so what were those components about these companies that led to this success? And one of them that I would call maybe his apologetic chapter, and he had to report his conclusions, but his conclusion had a lot to do with the CEO of the company. So unlike the modern perception of CEOs as being arrogant, self-centered, selfish individuals with this sense of dynamic and cutthroat and so on, quite the opposite. He found that these successful companies were led by really not all that dynamic. but found that CEOs of consistently outperforming companies were, are you ready for this? Extremely humble, thought first of others, and highly valued every person in the company. Wow, what a shock. This is exactly what the Bible describes about headship, about leadership. The CEOs in these companies believed that every person had value. Doesn't matter whether you're the custodian or the chief operating officer. Everyone was equal in dignity and worthy of respect. It's just that everybody had different roles. And it's recognizing those roles. Again, what a surprise. Who knew? The Bible, of course, knew this from the very outset. Marriage is like that. We are indeed the same in dignity, but we are nevertheless different. Let's talk about that difference. Genesis 2.18, And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone. I will make a helper comparable to him. Man by himself was not sufficient in carrying out the cultural mandate of subduing and filling the earth. We just did not have it in of ourselves to be able to do this. There's the obvious biological difference that made filling the earth possible and the not so obvious biological difference brought about by roles and functions and manifest is what we know today in estrogen and testosterone. There is a difference. Unlike what people would like to tell us, men and women are different. As our beloved pastor is fond of saying, one would be like a hammer and the other like a teacup. Teacup is a lousy tool for hammering a nail, And about the only thing you can drink from a hammer is your own teeth. So it just, again, one is not superior over the other. It's just that they're designed for particular functions. So now we take these two same yet different people. Now let's join them together in marriage. And what we get is one flesh. God created marriage in such a way that the two same yet different image bearers joined together in one flesh. Another familiar passage, Genesis 2, 23 and 24. And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh. Adam's declaration is the sameness, bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh, so he calls out the sameness between this wonderful creation, this woman. But he also calls out the difference, woman out of man, and the two become a single unit. Think about it, how wonderful this is. Only God can create such an institution. Last month we marveled at romance as we should. Now we marvel at the institutional capstone of romance, the oneness that is created when a man and a woman join together in a lifetime promise of holy matrimony. This then is the nature of marriage. But guess what? There's some challenges related to it. And these challenges have brought forth different ideas. So we're just going to run through a couple of these ideas. There's the ongoing debate. So is the marriage, is it complementarian or is it egalitarian? And so just, yeah, just to talk about that, so complementarian, And that's not complementarian. It's complementarian, which essentially means equal in dignity and different in function. You know, it's like the two puzzle pieces that fit perfectly together. They're made of the same substance, but they fit differently. They bring something different. That's complementarian. Egalitarian, which, by the way, is just taken over completely in everything, is equal, period. That's about the best, most concise definition I can say. So equal in all ways, period. So it doesn't matter who does what or what function or anything else. It's just equal, period. So that's what we have to deal with. Well, to answer this question, I think it's pretty obvious for those of us who are drawn to the Bible, the answer is pretty obvious, not that hard to ascertain. A simple reading of Ephesians 5, 22 through 33, which we'll study here in a little bit, shows very clearly that there is a difference, that it is complementarian. There is a headship and there is a submission. In fact, the marriage is likened to Christ and the church. The church is regarded as the bride of Christ. There are clearly different roles and functions. But as we take a look at this and we consider this, don't miss the central point of complementarianism. Both are needed for the other while one is not superior to the other. I think we're all in agreement, complementarian is exactly what the Bible teaches. But again, we're living in this society right here, so what happens, and Kipple recognized this, I borrowed this from Del Tackett. Del Tackett, we were over at the, and Dan, weren't you there? So Del Tackett on the Truth Project, or whatever it is called now, described this phenomenon. And I'm going to give it a name because here's the other challenge. It's now complementarian versus what I would call subjectionism. So this is another one of those reactions. as equally damaging to the marriage relationship as egalitarian is, so is subjectionism. In this view, subjectionism has the husband viewing, this is kind of in a reactionary mode to society, this has the husband viewing and thereby treating his wife as one of his subjects, just like the children. In this case, he's unilaterally making all the decisions. I'm in charge. He takes the leadership role in her sanctification. So you can kind of see where that happens, where now she's not necessarily viewed as an equal partner in life with different functions, now a lower partner in life that needs to be subject to the authority of the husband. And this view does not occur in a vacuum. It's nothing more. Actually, there's nothing new under the sun. It's nothing more than a manifestation of the curse following the fall into sin, Genesis 3.16. What is the curse that our wives are dealing with and us? He said to the woman, your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you. Let the conflict begin. Who's in charge? You're not very good at it, so I'm going to take over. Here, let me work around you or not even let you lead or whatever. The husband's leadership is compromised by sin. Let's be honest about that. Sometimes we're not very good at it. So the husband's leadership is compromised by sin and the wife doesn't like it and works to take over the leadership. That's how it's been since the fall of sin. That's the struggle within marriage. And yet the Bible is clear. The husband is the head. not ought to be the head, but is the head. So the real question in dealing with the curse is this, what kind of head is the husband? So take this to its next extension. Today's world driven by egalitarianism that diminishes these husband and wife roles has a tendency to drive husbands to one of two extremes. that of a buffoon or that of a brute. That's what Dale Tackett shared with us. A society that emasculates men of their manhood and diminishes the differences between men and women invariably leads us, leads to driving men to either being buffoonish, bumbling idiots that care only for beer, TV, and sports, not necessarily in that order, or brutish, hard-nosed animals that rule with an iron fist. Of course, neither is a correct response. Consider the buffoon, which, by the way, that's popular. You mentioned Homer Simpson. There's your classic buffoon. A buffoon gives in to the emasculation and is content with his self-absorbed world with little responsibility. Think of the lazy man that's described in Proverbs. Proverbs 13, 4. The soul of a lazy man desires and has nothing. The buffoon talks a good game, but really doesn't do anything about it. Or Proverbs 21, 25. The desire of the lazy man kills him, for his hands refuse to labor. The buffoon has no drive. Initiative that is inherent in manhood is absent. That's a wrong response. Consider the brute. Proverbs 28, 16, a ruler who lacks understanding is a great oppressor. That word understanding means discretion, reason, wisdom. This is to know the ones whom the leader leads. It's not an accident, and we're going to talk about this later, that 1 Peter 3, 7 tells husbands to dwell with your wives with understanding. Lack of understanding leads to becoming a brute. I'm in charge and you're going to like it. So in light of God-given roles in a world beset by sin and having been redeemed from sin and results in repentant living in thankfulness, there is a response that is neither buffoonish nor brutish. Enter the next B, biblical. Here's the biblical response to the world in which we live. Our leadership role according to the Bible. Before we launch into describing that leadership role, I just want to summarize what we just went through as a reminder. And again, I'm hammering the point because these issues are confronting us all the time. Remember, first of all, we are equal in dignity. Each of our wives, or future wives, is equal in dignity and is our partner in life. We are incomplete apart from our wives. Get that through our thick heads. Secondly, yet made complete in differences. While our wives are in always equal in dignity and standing with the Lord, they're nevertheless different. There is the obvious physical difference, for which we're grateful, honestly. But there is also a femininity about our wives that brings a different dimension than the way we think and feel. Thinking, doing, and feeling with a masculine mind and body is different than thinking, doing, and feeling with a feminine mind and body. One is not superior to the other. Neither are complete within themselves. But bring these two mindsets together, that's powerful. That's a wonderful reflection of the image of God in carrying out the cultural mandate. And thirdly, each has a God-given role. Husbands and wives have different roles provided by God that identify how we function. So back to the whole buffoon and brute thing, failure to acknowledge and dutifully remember these three basics cause men to drift one way or another. So with that, let's take a look at the biblical before we launch into that. Any other comments on this part or preface or anything that we've been through? Great. All right, here we go. Ephesians 525. We're going to spend some time in Ephesians 5. If we want to know what the Bible says, the Bible makes it pretty clear. And we're going to run through some pretty familiar passages. So here we go, starting with verse 25 in chapter 5. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. So let's stop and do a couple of word studies to see what is the Bible telling us here. So the action word in this passage is given right away and that action word is love. Okay, now I'll start off by saying I do this with great trepidation. Try to do word studies in front of our pastor. Yeah, the Blue Bible app helps a lot, as well as the Little Kittle. I love the Kittle's Theological Dictionary. It's wonderful. Well, the action word is love. I know you guys are familiar. You know the three instances of love that are described. There's that Eros or Aaron, the sexual love. Phileo, or Philadelphia, the brotherly love. And then there's agape, which is the godly love. So what do you think this word is, right here, about describing our love for our wives? Well, actually the word is agapeo? Is that how you say it? Agapeo. Or how do you say it? Well, but actually it's the Yeah, the verb. So it's the verb here. Agapeo. Yep. That's an A-O. So this is the verb form of love. Agape is being the noun form of the love. This is godly love. But notice something here. When it says, love your wives, this is not a descriptive word. This is an action word. Do this. Love your wives. And we don't have to guess. the godly love action Paul had in mind in telling us to love our wives, he goes right into it right after that when he says, just as Christ also loved the church, and what did he do? Gave himself for her. So we don't have to guess what he means. He's talking about a particular part of Christ's love for the church. Gave himself up for her sacrifice. Well, what this means when we're told to love our wives, what is it that we're sacrificing? We're sacrificing ourselves, our own selfish desires. We are now giving those things up because our attention is now turned to our wives. This is a call for sacrifice. As husbands, we give ourselves to our wives. We sacrifice our own wants and desires. Humanly, we think first of our wives. I don't know about you, but I'm sure convicted when I read that. So this is a whole sense. This is so opposite from what the egalitarian world tells us. Men, think about yourselves. Women, think about yourselves. Your two individuals who happen to be living together. This is completely out of line with what the world tells us. Think first of your wives. You're done thinking about yourself. Yep. It's over. Let's go on. verses 26 and 27, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. Well, what just happened here? We just went from love your wives as Christ loved the church, and now we get this whole thing about what Christ did for the church. Paul goes on to describe this whole process, this whole thing about what Christ does for the church. He is not continuing on to describe what it means to love our wives, but instead leads to another point that's summarized in verse 28. which we're going to turn to. Paul is building the case right now. He is turning marriage and building the case about another key similarity that husbands have with wives as Christ does with the church. And the correlation is this. Christ loves his body. That's what he's leading up to. Christ loves his body. which is the church. Therefore, what do we do as husbands? Now Paul weaves it back in. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. That's what the preceding was leading up to. Now he's saying, so just as Christ loves the church, sacrificed herself for her and does all these things for her, He is treating his body as if he loves his own body. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. That's the point. Just as we as members of the church are part of the body of Christ, so is the unified body between husband and wife. This is the one flesh relationship found in marriage. We don't hate our own flesh, but we nourish and cherish our own flesh. As husbands, here's the point. We are no longer our own flesh. It's no longer just about us. We are one flesh with our wives. And now, the correlation is flipped. Marriage, now he turns it around and says that marriage is a picture of Christ and the church. That last verse here, this is a great mystery. The mystery behind the one flesh pronouncement in Genesis 2.24 that we read earlier is now revealed. It is a picture of Christ and the Church and the final marriage that awaits in Revelation 21. The mystery that was given to us in Genesis 2 is now revealed. It's Christ and the Church. In talking about one flesh, it's Christ and the Church. It's like Paul stops to point out the deeper meaning. But he doesn't want us to just hang there and belabor that point. He brings it back to the main point. Nevertheless, Let each one of you, in particular, so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Actually, that's wrong. That should read verse 33. Nevertheless, notwithstanding this wonderful mystery that Paul just pointed out, Paul draws us back to the main point. Love the godly sacrificial love. So love your own wife as yourself because you are one flesh. While we skipped Paul's instructions to our wives earlier in the passage, Paul does conclude with one final directive to our wives and that is respect. So our wives aren't here, so we're not going to teach submissiveness and respect. We're not going to spend time there. But we should pause here to take into consideration how these things are related to leadership in marriage. And the point is, we should not make it difficult for our wives to submit to our leadership, nor should we make it difficult for our wives to respect us. While we can't control our wives and their submission and respect any more than they can control our sacrificial love, we can control, by the grace of God, our sacrificial love for our wives, thereby making it easier for our wives to submit and respect us. So the two key words that we pull out of this passage from Ephesians 5 is found right here, love and sacrifice. And by love, we mean that action, the verb, the love that says, do this, give yourself for her, sacrifice your own desires, your own self-centeredness for your wife. So this is foundational in marriage. Let's consider another key passage. I'm going to go now on to 1 Peter 3. In 1 Peter 3, 7, we see husbands likewise dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. Like Ephesians 5, 1 Peter 3 continues the theme of submission that began with the previous chapter. So these things just didn't pop out of thin air. Oh, by the way, husbands, wives, no, if you follow the flow in Ephesians and follow the flow in 1 Peter, you can see that there was a discussion of submission that leads up to this. After giving instructions to the wives, Peter follows with the directive to dwell with our wives in understanding. Alright, so let's stop and take a closer look. Husbands likewise dwell with them. To dwell, when you study that word, is to live with and refers to day-to-day activities that make up ordinary life. As men, we have a tendency. to do these great, magnificent, wonderful things that tell our wives how much we love them. We like to do the big stuff for them. We also have this tendency to just kind of let things ride until we do the big stuff, and then the big stuff takes care of all the stuff. You guys know exactly what I'm talking about. It takes care of all the times when we've ignored them It just didn't make it a pleasant experience. And so we do these big, great, magnificent things that will surely sweep our wives off their feet. Well, there's nothing wrong with big and magnificent things. It's meaningless apart from what happens day to day. The normal interaction that takes place in the simple, mundane things, as well as the wildly chaotic things, is what defines a marriage. That's what wise respond to. They respond to, what happens day to day? What's the interaction in the kitchen? What's the interaction when the kids are bouncing off the walls? Or what's the interaction when Johnny needs to be over here while Susie needs to be over here, and while Sammy needs to be over here in the chaos? As well as just the simple things. So what does Peter call us to do day in and day out as a consistent level with our wives? Understand them. So the word for understand, this should be a familiar word. We've seen this word many times, gnosis. When it says to understand our wives, Gnosis, we usually see that word when we see agnostic, yeah, so anti-knowledge or anti-knowing. The word for understand, it's translated understand is gnosis, which literally means knowledge. We are commanded to know our wives. While there is another word that often is used for a deep sense of knowledge, the focus of this word, this particular word, is on tying learning and edification together. So in using this word, it's like saying you seek to know in order to build up. This is not knowledge for knowledge's sake. It's knowledge with a purpose. Knowledge for the purpose of building up. Earlier I mentioned Kittel's Theological Dictionary. And Kittel, just pulling this right out of it, specifically identifies the use of gnosis in 1 Peter 3.7 to mean, and I'm going to quote, Reflective inquiry grounded in love and leading to right action. Did you catch that? Reflective inquiry. Now apply that to our wives. Reflective inquiry, seeking to know, to inquire, to understand our wives, and to do so grounded in love with the desire to love her and leading to the right action. So this is what Peter is telling us. Day in, day out, in the kitchen, in the living room, in the car, day in and day out, seek to know your wife in such a way that builds her up and respond with action that builds her up. Wow. to dwell with understanding is to actively learn about our wives while motivated by a love that seeks not only her best welfare, but verse seven goes on to say that we may give honor to our wives as the weaker vessel. The word for honor, that word for honor is described as placing high value. Sometimes this word is used for a purchase, but not just a simple transaction, but something that says, this item or this object has a high value, a high purchase price, the value of a highest degree. And so we do this thing. We dwell with understanding. so that we may give honor to her, so that we may place a high degree of value upon her, while at the same time recognizing that she is physically weaker than us. The word vessel is talking about the physical stature. I know this is a great big shock to everybody, a big shock that transgenderism is really highlighted Men are stronger than women. I'm glad you're sitting down. I can see you're stunned by this. I mean, that's just how it is. And the Bible told us that a couple thousand years ago. I don't know about you. I have a favorite coffee cup. Actually, I have several, but I think of one cup in particular. You know, sentimental. One of my Sunday school students made this cup for me. And it's pretty cool. And so, with the coffee cup, which I enjoy using, I'm also very careful with it. I make sure, I mean, I catch myself, I take that extra step to make sure when I set it on the coaster that it's right on the coaster. and not tipped, or when I'm taking it out through the kitchen, I'm just down the stairs as I get ready for devotions or something, I walk carefully down the stairs so I don't drop it and break it. If I do that for a coffee cup, how much more am I to treat my wife, who is of infinitely higher value? while seeking not to break her. And know this. And honestly, brothers, you know, as a boy, I bore witness to this. And it just stuck with me. Harsh, forceful, and demeaning words against a wife is not giving honor and is about as far away from understanding as one can get. So this isn't just talking about diminishing her physical body. It's also talking about diminishing her spirit. And so we dwell with understanding, and we honor her knowing that she is weaker than us, physically weaker. So Peter then reminds us that our one flesh partner, going back to here, our one flesh partner is heirs together in the grace of life. She's our joint heir. She has life by grace. Therefore, she has dignity. And if we don't honor and understand our joint error in life given by God, then, Peter concludes, we are indeed hypocrites in coming to God in prayer. Never mind the tax collector. The prayers of the unloving, dishonoring, and non-understanding husband are simply hypocritical. And that's the point. When Paul says, you give honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel, being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. As we conclude 1 Peter 3, we're going to add two more key words in taking the lead in marriage. We've got love and sacrifice. We're going to add to that understanding and honor. Understanding and honor. So, I know you've been excited and anticipating what's new. I wish I had something more clever. It really isn't, but here's this month's acronym. There's this month's acronym. Oh, I'm supposed to write it, sorry. So now we describe this month's four, and I better look at it one more time, GHVs. I was about to say it's a gift, but I'm getting a feeling that the reality is showing it's not a real gift after all. GHVs, Godly Husband Virtues. These are the virtues that we want to remember as godly husbands. And we had love, And then sacrifice, honor. What was the fourth one? Understanding. Oh, okay. Pretend those are flipped. Understand and honor. So those are the virtues. But try as we might, the truth is, that all the biblical leadership virtues that we've learned thus far apply directly to taking the lead in marriage. So it's not just these. Take the last six lessons and do a compilation of all those lessons that has a direct tie to our leadership in marriage. This shouldn't be a surprise to us. After all, our wives are equal in dignity and different in function, partners with whom we intimately share life. So let's just take a brief survey of the last seven lessons and see how they apply to marriage. The foundation is the gospel of Jesus Christ. Foundational to our marriage is the gospel of Jesus Christ as together we reflect the relationship between Christ and the Church in His grace. Moving up to the next one, the very definition of leadership necessitates that as husbands we place our wives' needs above our own while having a heart of humility knowing that we are incapable of being a good head apart from the grace of Christ. Being a good husband requires a tremendous amount of humility. To grow in sanctification, so the SLMs, let's see, the Sanctified Leader Mandates, there are five of them, to grow in sanctification requires Bible reading. prayer, worship, study, and engagement. As husbands, we initiate these activities, not just for ourselves, which is important, but also together with our wives. spending time in the Bible together with our wives, spending time in prayer together with our wives, attending worship together, studying together, engaging with brothers and sisters in Christ in a sense of hospitality together. Those are sanctified leader mandates. And then we come up to the LMPs. What were those? What were those? I meant to write those down, but I didn't. Oh. Something to do with communication. Message principles. Leadership message principles. There we go. So in communicating with our wives, know first that everything we say, do, and think is communicating something to our wives. We, again, it's the most intimate relationship that we have and just know that there are no time outs. We are always communicating something. Everything we say, do and think is being examined. We examine our own heart as to what we think about our wives. We avoid words that tear down while using words that build up. And all our conversations should be laden with grace. And then the three GCSs, these are sources, the good counsel sources in making decisions. When making major decisions that affect the marriage, pray together about it. seek and carefully consider our wives' counsel, and then take the final responsibility for the decision. And by the way, in this whole headship business, a good decision for husbands is together with the wives to decide what are those good decisions that should be left with our wives. So you're actually making a decision as husband when you say, wives, manage the checkbook. Wives, manage the home. Whatever those things are. And allow them. And give them empowerment. Empowerment to make decisions is actually a decision to be made. That's a, by the way. Then we go to the four BPEs. Oh, sorry. Did I skip that? Oh, biblical principles of excellence. So again, not all decisions are major. Oh, there we go. I was just saying that. Just as a CEO should not make every decision and empowers others to make decisions in the pursuit of excellence, so good husbands recognize the gifts that their wives have and fosters and empowers wives to exercise those gifts in managing the home. Husbands and wives thus work together to build a home that blesses others and reflects good work unto the Lord. And then from last month, taking the lead in romance means that our wives become trusting and confident in our love as a natural outgrowth of seeking to understand her, holding her femininity and honor, protecting her, and fostering an environment of grace. And that's the leadership model. All of which brings us right back, and we're going to find this in every single lesson, to the gospel of Jesus Christ that convicts us of our shortcomings, drives us to Christ for forgiveness, and leads us on the path of humble obedience out of thankfulness.