Is from Isaiah 54. We're just saying about our husband and our bridegroom, and here we read scripture about him, that our maker is our husband. So listen now, as I read to you from God's holy and infallible word, Isaiah 54. Sing, O barren, you who have not born. Break forth into singing and cry aloud, you who have not labored with child for more the children of the desolate than the children of the married woman, says the Lord. Enlarge the place of your tent and let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings. Do not spare. Lengthen the cords and strengthen your stakes for you shall expand to the right and to the left and your descendants will inherit the nations and make the desolate cities inhabited. Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed, neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame, for you will forget the shame of your youth and will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore. For your maker is your husband. The Lord of hosts is his name. And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel. He is called the God of the whole earth. For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were refused. Says your God for a mere moment, I have forsaken you, but with great mercy, I will gather you with a little wrath. I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness, I will have mercy on you, says the Lord, your Redeemer. This is like the waters of Noah to me, for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah would no longer cover the earth, so have I sworn that I would not be angry with you nor rebuke you for the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed. But my kindness shall not depart from you. Nor shall my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord, who has mercy on you. Oh, you afflicted one tossed with tempest and not comforted. Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems and lay your foundations with sapphires. I will make your pentacles of rubies, your gates of crystal and all your walls of precious stones. All your children shall be taught by the Lord and great shall be the peace of your children and righteousness. You shall be established You shall be far from oppression and you shall not fear and from terror for it shall not come near you. Indeed, they shall surely assemble, but not because of me. Whoever assembles against you shall fall for for your sake. Behold, I have created the blacksmith who blows the coals in the fire, who brings forth an instrument for his work, and I have created the spoiler to destroy. No weapon formed against you shall prosper. And every time which rises against you in judgment, you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord and their righteousness is from me, says the Lord. There will in the reading of God's word from the Old Testament, very, very encouraging words. God builds a house for himself. He takes us his bride. The whole church is his bride. And then he builds a glorious house with precious stones. to be his own dwelling place. Let's turn over to our New Testament reading in Ephesians, Chapter 5, verses 22 to 33. Ephesians 5, 22 to 33. Here again is the word of the living God. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, is also Christ's head of the church, and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you, in particular, so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. May God bless to us the reading of his holy word. Let's sing a song about our households, a song of commitment, Psalm 101. And as we continue on in this series, we are looking this morning at spirit filled husbands. We've already had two messages from the section that I read this morning, one on spirit filled wives. That was last week and a couple of weeks before that, one on spirit filled marriage in general. It was back in Ephesians 518 that the Lord commanded us to be filled with the Holy Spirit rather than being drunk with wine. And we've seen how this all ties together in the passage. If you if you look at it there, you see where it says to be filled with the spirit in verse 18. And when the spirit, when you are filled with the spirit, this isn't something that is just a kind of an experience that you have that sort of makes you emotional or something like that. But it's rather that the spirit, when he fills his people, Christ, when he came, gave the Holy Spirit, poured the spirit out upon his church in order that we might be filled with the spirit. And when we are filled with the spirit, the spirit reveals Christ to us. We understand who he is. We understand why he came. We understand what he did for us. And as we behold the glory of Jesus Christ, then we are changed into his likeness. We come to him. We trust in him. We embrace him for salvation. And then we began to live unto him and by the power of his working in our lives through the spirit. This is what we're called to. And in verses 1920 and 21, Paul gives three participants, as I've shown you many times working through this outline. of what is involved with being filled with the spirit. This isn't exhaustive, but he gives these various ways that will show themselves when you are filled with the spirit, that you would be participles or ING words. And you see that verse 1920 and 21 each start with an ING word speaking to one another in psalms, hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making grace in your heart. I mean, quoting it right, singing, making melody in your heart to the Lord. The idea that we'll sing God's songs and we'll accompany our singing with our hearts, that our hearts, rather than being disengaged when we're singing, will be engaged and be a true part of that. And verse 20, it shows that when you're filled with the Spirit, there'll be true gratitude, giving thanks to the Lord in everything, even in the afflictions that we have, because we'll have this this sense of Christ when we're filled with the Spirit. We see how good he has been to us. And we see that the God who has given us his only son only brings that which is good to us for the furtherance of our salvation, that he works all things toward that purpose. And so, therefore, we give thanks even for persecutions and afflictions and trials, because thanks for everything. We have a root of gratitude in our life rather than a root of bitterness and complaining that those have who do not know the gospel. And then verse 21 shows you that we will be found when filled with the Spirit, submitting to one another in the fear of the Lord. I've told you that this word means this word submit means to line up under to one another. We line up under one another. We we take the places that God has given us. And then Paul proceeds to go into three relationships where submission is required, where one is to come under the authority of another or certain ones are to come under the authority of another. And they're all pertaining to the household as it was at that time. There's first the marriage relationship in verses 22 through 33 that we've been looking at where the wife is to submit to her husband. And when we line up under one another, submitting in the fear of the Lord, then the husband is going to take responsibility that he's supposed to take. He's going to do this is unto the Lord. And the wife is going to submit to her husband as unto the Lord in the same way. And when we get to chapter six, he talks about the parent child relationship. And then he talks about the servant master relationship. And as I mentioned to you a moment ago when we sang Psalm 101, the households in the in the Bible times were households that often included servants. And so the relations, these were all relationships, domestic relationships within the household. We will, when we get to that passage, apply it to our work relationships that are not necessarily within the home, but in a sense they're an extension of that same principle. So, this is an overview of where we are, and we've already seen, as we've had a couple of messages from Ephesians 5, 22 through 33, that the husband is the head of the relationship of marriage. And so, When we look at a husband, the question we should ask about him is not, is he the head of the home? Because that's already determined. He is the head of the home. The question is, what kind of head is he? Is he a selfish head? Is he a responsible head or an irresponsible head? Is he a bonehead? What kind of head is he in this household? Well, Because the scripture tells you what kind of head you're supposed to be in this passage. It really just uses one word when you boil it all down. You're to be a loving head. That's what you're called to be. That's it. If and I say if you're filled with the spirit, you will be a loving head of your home because you'll be a man who is beholding Jesus Christ as your head. And you will more and more if you're filled with the Spirit, the Spirit will be showing you through the word more and more who Jesus Christ is and what he has done. And he will be your hero. And you will want to imitate him in every way. And God's Spirit will give you grace to enable you to imitate him more and more to grow into his likeness Who is your head? We saw in Psalm 127 that the Lord is the one who has to build the house. We labor in vain who build it. This is not something you do in your own strength. This is something that God, by his grace, does as he works in you to enable you to to know Christ and then to be like Christ. Now, husbands, I am addressing you in particular this morning. So you need to give special attention last week. I said that to to the wives that this week the message is particularly pointed and directed to you. But I also want to say that last week there is much for the rest of you who are here as well. Some of you may be those who are preparing yourself to become husbands someday. And in fact I would say to you single men that it's very important to do that. You don't suddenly become a husband and then start to say, oh, what am I supposed to do? What do I need to know? You're to be working, loving your future wife by preparing yourself today. And of course, many of you will never be husbands because you are women and it's not an option for you if you wanted to. But you can benefit this morning by looking at what Christ is as a husband, seeing what he is to you. In fact, all of us can benefit by looking to see what a husband ought to be. And then understanding is, you remember, we looked about a few weeks ago, we looked at husbands, good or bad examples, and we still learn what Christ is like. We learn what he's not, if it's a bad example, what he is, if it's a good example. But we learn the categories through the everyday relationships that we have as we see that. And in another way, we look at Christ and then we learn what a husband ought to be. So it works both ways. And you can learn what Christ is to his bride, to the church. If you're a believer, then this will be a great encouragement to you. If you're not a believer, then it should also be an encouragement for you to go to Christ to see what kind of husband he is and say, how can I how can I stay away from him? Why would I not come into this household to become his when he calls and says, come all you who are weary and heavy lady. And I'll give you rest. He calls us to himself. My main outline then this morning consists of just two points addressed to husbands. First, we'll see that you're to love your wife as Christ loved the church. And secondly, we'll see that you're to love your wife as you love yourself. So it's all about the husband's role of and how he's to love. Let me begin with the first point. First point. Husband, you are called to love your wife is Christ loved the church. It's right there in verse 25. Husbands, love your wife or your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. That's quite a standard, isn't it? I mean, you know how great the love of our Lord Jesus was for his church. There's no love like that in all of the universe anywhere. His love is seen in that wonderful statement right there in that verse that He gave Himself for us. That tells everything. God so loved the world that He gave His only Son. He who is the Son of God gave Himself for us as an offering for sin. To be cursed and rejected by the Father because His bride needed to be redeemed. Because she needed to be pardoned. And so he came to do that for us. He gave himself completely gave himself to this task. He became our head by covenant. He was joined to us by way of covenant. And knowing that by making that union, by entering into that union, that he would then become responsible for all of the sins of his church. that had been committed by his people and that would be committed in all the ages to come. All of the responsibility, all the guilt, all the shame for that would converge upon him. And he would bear our iniquities before the father's throne and the father's wrath would come down upon him. For all of his bride, he's as a shield going forth at the head of his church taking the full wrath of God upon Himself so that all of us behind Him who are following Him are spared from that wrath. Now, how could it be that any of you would not want to be in that household? To be a part of that bride? He bore the pains of hell so that they would not fall on us. If you are outside of Christ, then that wrath, you have no shield. You have no husband to protect you. And that wrath is going to fall fully upon you. But Christ took that for his bride. This is so different than the kind of headship that we see in the world. When we hear about headship and authority, I said this at Paul and Michelle's wedding recently, it has negative connotations for us, doesn't it? You get a bad taste in your mouth when you hear about authority. You know, we're used to authority that is always exercised for the benefit of the one who's in authority. You know, I'm at the top now, so now I can do whatever I want. The one whose head says the more authority a person is given, often the more selfish they become. People who seem rather mild and even-tempered, easy to get along with, put them in authority and they become monsters. There's example after example of kings who, upon taking the throne, become tyrants. and who execute all who get in their way for selfish purposes, not for purposes of the good of the kingdom, but for their own selfish purposes. We are all familiar with the abuse of authority in the domestic realm as well. Many of you have had fathers that did not really love you. You've had husbands, perhaps, that didn't love you. You've seen selfish husbands who use their authority to order their wives around for their own pleasure. As the head of the household, they say, Well, I get to do what I want. Their attitude is I get to do what I want because I'm the head. I get to I get to hold the remote control. I get to I get to decide how we're going to spend the money. I'm going to spend it all on my my hobby or my sport or whatever it is, even if the rest of you have to starve, because I'm the one that's in charge here. Now, this kind of headship has been exercised all through history. It's a shameful thing. And it gives headship a bad name. But the headship that is called for here of husbands is a refreshingly different kind of headship. Jay Adams says that when women hear how what kind of head their husband is supposed to be, that they should jump up in the air and click their heels together three times because it's so wonderful. It's a headship that involves the son using all of his authority and involves you using whatever authority he has given you for the blessing. and good of those under your care, even when it means sacrifice for you. It's about totally giving yourself for the sake of those under your care, even when they are unworthy. Now, with such an example, such a standard slackness is not an option for a husband. You are to give all diligence to exercise your authority for the good of your household. There is no room for excuse making. Oh, it's just too hard for me. My background and I'm just not that kind of person, you know. Well, I agree with you about that. You're not that kind of person. But is there no God in heaven to be obeyed? Is there no God in heaven to give grace to you? To impart grace to you in order that you may do what He's called you to do? You see, there's no room for excuse making. There is no excuse for whining either. Oh, but my wife, she's so hard to love. You don't know what she's like. Even when I try, then she complains. Well, where do you think she learned that from? Probably the head of her house. Christ has a lot more reason to complain about you than you do about her. But he went to the cross. He went to the cross because his bride was so messed up. Husbands, you need to be very careful. You need to watch yourself. You need to watch your heart. Is there complaining about your wife or is there care that sees need and it comes to minister to her? than to complain about her. The Scriptures warn you, don't be embittered against your wives. There are so many whiny husbands out there today. So many even in the church. Parents, let me tell you, when you see this in your boys, deal with it. Deal with it when they're young. Confront that whining spirit. The only thing worse than a whiny boy is a whiny man. And there are a lot of them. I've seen marriages that were destroyed by a whiny husband. I've seen churches that were destroyed by whiny elders. Husbands, loving your wife is something that you're to give yourself to without reserve, without excuse, without complaining, even as Christ did. He did what was detestable to him, what was undesirable to him in itself, bearing our iniquities, bearing the guilt and shame that we had incurred before his father's face. The question is, has God called you to do these things or no? There are many ways that you are to use your God given authority and your headship for your wife. I'm going to list some of these in a moment. But first, I want you to see that the exercise of your authority for the sake of your wife must have a proper goal and objective. Or objective, I should say, the objective that Christ had for his church is clearly expressed in verses 26 and 27. Here we're told the reason that he gave himself for her. He didn't just give himself for for no reason. He had a purpose. It says that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. One way to say this is the exercise of his authority with a view to making us all that God would have us to be. that he exercises his authority with a view to making us all that God would have us to be. This is such a wonderful thing. You see, when when everything is done, when Christ is finished with his entire work concerning us, then his bride is going to be perfectly fit for communion in the very house of God in heaven. She will have no guilt. She will have no remaining corruption. She will be beautiful. She'll be perfected in pure love and holiness. She will be restored to the perfect image of God. He has a goal and objective for his headship. Already, the Lord Jesus has offered himself as a sacrifice to take away her sin. He applies this work to each one of us who are part of his bride individually by calling us to come to him. for the remission of our sins, for the washing of water by the word to be sanctified and cleansed. This speaks of our baptism symbolized by the washing with water. Water baptism symbolizes spirit baptism. The real baptism is accomplished by the spirit that Jesus Christ gives, who opens our heart to receive the gospel. When this washing occurs, we come to him for cleansing of our sin. and are made righteous by faith in Jesus Christ. We're washed. He comes to us and he shows us what he did for us. And he calls us to come and to receive the complete remission of our sins. Covenant children are called from their earliest days. Others are called later in life to come and to enjoy this cleansing. And then after we have had this initial baptism, this washing away of guilt through his blood, he then works in us by his spirit to wash away the corruption that is within us, the sin, the remaining sin or corruption that's still there. The Spirit gives us delight in God's law as we see it fulfilled in Jesus Christ. We aspire to have God's law to fill everything about us. We want to love Him with all our heart, soul, mind and strength as we read from Deuteronomy this morning. And we want to love our neighbor as ourself. We want to be filled up with all that God has called us to be. In verse 27, it shows that he is shaping us in order that he might present, it says, present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So you see that there is a very clear objective and goal. He is using his authority for a very defined purpose. He is exercising his headship. to accomplish in those who are lost and undone this complete salvation. It's not the kind of love that you sometimes have in the romance stories that delights in you just the way you are. But it's the kind of love that comes to you when you're in a mess and works in you to bring you to the place where he delights in you, presents you to himself as a glorious church. Now, husband, you are also to use your authority to accomplish God's purpose for your household, for you and your wife together. You're responsible for your household. Your authority is to be used to promote godliness. Now, of course, you cannot offer yourself on the cross to take away your wife's sins. You're not fit to do this. You need Christ to do this for you. You are no better than your wife in this respect. You need his salvation every bit as much as she does. Nor do you need to do it. Nor do you need to do it. Because Christ has already done it and all that he has done is sufficient. So what is left then for you as the head of your home, it is to direct your household to Jesus Christ, who is our salvation and who has done all of these things. You are to use your authority to continually point your household to Christ and his cross. You can set the example by being the chief repenter in your home. You can be the first in confessing your sin whenever you need and in seeking God's forgiveness. And when your wife sends in, you can encourage her to do the same. And not only that, but you can also make use of the means of grace to promote growth and sanctification in your home. You use the word and prayer to direct your household to Christ, to intercede for them. The very things that the head of the household is called to do. You can initiate family worship. where you use the word to keep before your household Christ and what he's done, Christ and what he's called us to do. And as it says in Genesis 18, 19, you are to command your household after you. You go first. You command your household after you to keep the way of the Lord, to do righteousness and justice that the Lord may bring to you what he has promised. You can see that your family attends church and that they pay attention to the word. that they pray and that they seek the Lord. You can speak about the love of God is again Deuteronomy six in all the affairs of life. So how can we love God in this situation? How can we glorify God? We have these neighbors that are are complaining about us all the time. How can we how can we respond to this in a way that would honor God? Or you can say when you sit down at the table, look at all of these blessings that God has given us on our table today. You see, you can be directing to to the love of God when you don't have the right purpose in the exercise of your authority to bring your household toward godliness. Then you're going to go all wrong in your headship. A man who loses sight of this purpose will have some other agenda. You always will have an agenda as the head of your household. It may not be self-conscious. But there will be an agenda, and if it is not this one, then you're going to leave your household in ways that are destructive for you and for them. It may be an agenda for worldly success and honor, for riches, for the great things of this world. But if it is not for godliness, then it is a destructive agenda on its own. And I must emphasize again, there are always some agenda. There's always something even men. who abandoned their families have an agenda. They leave their family to run away from their problems. The child growing up in that home has the testimony of his father continually before him that when there are problems, the head of the household runs away. This is how they leave their family. You can't escape, man. It's what I'm telling you from this responsibility. You can't say, well, I just won't do anything. I just won't be the head of my household. No, you are the head of your household. And what you're going for is the head of your home. It's what you're directing your wife and your children after you, whether you like it or not. If you're worldly, you lead them in worldliness. If you're selfish, you lead them in selfishness. If you are cold toward God, you're leading them to be cold toward God. They do not have to follow you. They are responsible for what they do with your poor leadership. An example is the head of the household. You will have to answer to God for being a stumbling block to them. You're making it difficult for them. You're leading them to destruction as far as you're concerned. And God will deal with you. He says it's better than a millstone be hung around your neck and that you be cast into the depths of the sea. than that you should cause His little ones to stumble, who are under your care. Having a clear objective then of godliness, as Christ did, is essential for the proper exercise of headship. In other words, even though others may not be self-conscious that they're the head, you need to be conscious of that. You need to be mindful of that. You need to be conscious of what your agenda is. And it needs to be godliness. It's some of the ways that you're to exercise your authority to accomplish this objective. Some of these will be repeated, but I just want to give you a kind of a summary outline here in an overview fashion. Some of your responsibilities. First of all, you're responsible to provide encouragement toward this godliness. You're to keep before them the encouragement of what Christ has done to take away their sins. You are to lead the way in giving thanks for it. You're to encourage them to seek God's grace for obedience, to lead in prayer that you would live a godly life. You're to bring them comfort in their sorrow, showing them how God uses the trials and difficulties that they are undergoing in order to make them more godly. That's the first thing, encouragement toward godliness. Secondly, you're responsible to exercise a ministry of correction. You're not only responsible for your own sins, but also for the sins of your household. Job offered sacrifices if indeed his children may have committed sin. The principle of headship is that if you see sin in your household and you do not address it, then you, as well as the one who committed it, become responsible for it. The head of the household. Not so with the wife. If her husband commits sin, she's not the head of the household. He's responsible for his sin. She's not responsible for it. But husbands, if you commit if you if your wife commits sin and you see it and you don't address it, then she's responsible for what she did. And so are you. Now, this is something that has been conveniently forgotten. But the scriptures are very clear on this. Eli is charged with his son's wickedness because he did not address them about it. Likewise, David is charged with never saying no to one of his sons. You are to make sure that everyone in your household is reconciled both to God and to each other. And if they're not, then you're to address that so that bitterness won't grow up. You're not to let offenses fester under your care and oversight of your home. You're to have a corrective ministry. You're responsible. OK, thirdly, you're responsible to give direction. As the head of your home, you're to direct the service and work that you and your wife do, whether she works outside of the home or whether she works in the home, whether she helps out with needs in the community, in the church, and how often, whether you will school your children at home. I don't mean you have to micromanage everything, but you're responsible for the general care and oversight of these things, the general direction. You're to direct the way the money is spent. You are to see that there are ties and offerings. You are to see that there is generosity to the poor and needy. You are to decide whether you will go into debt and in what way. You are to direct the activities that are done, the events that are to be attended, the movies that are watched, the books that are read, the education that is received. You are responsible to give oversight. You are to direct the place where your family worships and how they worship and how often they worship. Often men allow their wives and children to make the decision of where they are to worship. But whether or not they make the decision or you make the decision, you are responsible for the decision that is made. You see, these are things of your responsibility in terms of giving direction. And fourthly, you are responsible to protect your household from enemies, from false doctrine, from temptations that come at them. was supposed to guard the garden, and he didn't. He allowed the serpent into the garden to tempt his wife. It is your responsibility to decide what influences you will have in your home, to guard your household in the ways of godliness. And fifthly, you are responsible to provide for the physical needs of your household. Now, there's a whole lot I could say about that that I'm not going to this morning, but simply to say that the Bible says that you're worse than an unbeliever if you do not provide for the physical needs of your own. So that is an outline of some of the things that you're responsible for as the head of your home. You're to love your wife and give yourself to these things for her sake. This is the main point. You're to do this even as Christ gave himself for the church, love the church and gave himself for it. And also, you are to have an objective as Christ had an objective. This is a very high standard to love Your wife is Christ's love, the church, and maybe you will look at this standard and you'll say, you know, who can love like that? This is this is this is way beyond. And of course, I'll tell you that it is it is in many ways so that it's a it's a standard that you're not going to attain to in this life. And yet, as God works in you by his spirit, you're able to purify yourself even as he is pure. You're able to move along towards that which God has called you to be for his glory. That's his work in you. There's a progressive sanctification going on. But certainly you have not yet attained to this standard so long as you're in this life. So for your encouragement, you are also given in our text a second standard by which to measure your love. Husband, secondly, you are called to love your wife as you love your own body. It's 528. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. Now, it's very interesting that you're called to the same thing here, to love. But this time, what's the standard? It's your own love. Isn't that interesting? Isn't that convicting? This is showing you that you actually already know how to love according to the standards that God requires for love to your wife. You're already an expert at it. You're very good. You know how to do it. You know how to love as Christ loved, because you love yourself that well. It's not at all impossible, then, for you to have this love. In that sense, it's not that it's beyond your ability. You're already exercising it. It just needs to be directed toward your wife. as well as toward yourself. Now, I know that some people will argue and they'll say, well, you know, I don't love myself. You know, you don't know me. I don't love myself. And I'll grant that in a certain way, that's true. For example, Jesus calls us to hate our own life. If we're going to be his disciple, if we're going to follow him in revelation, we have an example of those who hated their life. They gave themselves to a martyr's death because they did not love their life unto death. So these ones then, you know, hated themselves in that sense. And when a person violates the commandments toward themselves, like the one that says, you shall not murder, and a person commits suicide, you say, well, see, it's an act of hatred. Well, it is an act of hatred. Murder is an act of hatred indeed, and in that respect it can be called self-hatred. So I will grant to you that in a certain way you can say that some do not love themselves. If you look at it in another way, in the way that our text is looking at it, the Apostle Paul is looking at it here, then you can say, verse 29, that no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it even as the Lord does the church. The idea here is that we're very, very much committed to secure our own happiness. Why does the person commit suicide? because he thinks he's going to be better off. He doesn't want to live here anymore. I'll be happier if I'm dead. It's for self. I have had people argue with me. They definitely do not love themselves, argue vehemently. And those people I have often found are the ones that usually turn out to be some of the most self-centered people I've ever met. They're so concerned about their own happiness that they don't care about anyone else's happiness. Their self-hatred is really nothing more than complaining because things have not gone the way they want. They may not be happy with what they have achieved, and in that sense, they hate themselves and what they've done, but they definitely care about themselves and about what is done to them and what is not done to them. They're highly concerned. about how they're treated, how they get on in the world, how their day goes, all of these things in a way that is a love that is not expressed anywhere else in their life. Look at the martyr, too. What's the reason that a martyr is willing to die? Because to him, it is far better to suffer for Christ. And to live on in this world without him, the martyr is not actually doing something that he believes will make him miserable. He's doing something that he believes will be best for him. So when you look at it this way, you can see how that self love is an excellent standard by which to measure your love to other people and for a husband to measure his love to his wife, particularly with the one flesh relationship, because you constantly nourish and cherish your own body. If you're hungry, then you go looking for something to eat. You nourish your hungry body. unless you have something else that you think is more important. I mean, if you have some work or something that you think is so important that you don't even eat, but still you're doing what you think is best for you. And if you're really hungry, then you're going to go look for food. If you're cold, what do you do? You find a way to get warm. You wrap up in a blanket. You give attention to it. You do something about it. The word cherish actually means to warm up, to warm. If you have a sliver in your eye, You don't decide that you'll remove it tomorrow when you're not tired anymore. You can't write to it. Doesn't matter that you're tired. There's no hesitation. Now, see, this love of your own flesh is so strong that Paul is able to say that if you love your wife with that same love, you have met my standard for loving your wife. Wow. This love of your own flesh, you need to realize that you truly are one flesh with your wife by covenant. When you realize that you're one flesh, then it'll help you to say, I just have to love my wife. If I love my own flesh, she is my own flesh. I have to love her with that same love. She is one with you by covenant, even as Christ is one with his church by covenant. It's a oneness that God established by the institution of marriage. And because it is established by God, it is a true oneness. You can see this in verse 30 and 31 with reference to the oneness of Christ in the church. It says, For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. And because she is now your flesh, then you will love her as much as you love yourself, if you are wise. Because you're hating yourself if you don't. The end of verse 28 is very poignant in this regard. It says he who loves his wife loves himself. So you see, you're being foolish. You're being destructive to yourself and the big economy before God if you don't love your wife, who is your own flesh. If you regard your wife's happiness as important as your own, then you will have a proper love for her. And if you're filled with the spirit, Then you who yearn to know Christ and to be like him will yearn for her to know Christ and to be like him. Also, you will love her with the same love that you have with yourself for yourself. Now, husband, when you realize that your wife is truly one flesh with you, then that will enable you to see two things more clearly. One that we've already talked about, but I want to hit on again. It will help you to see that you are responsible for your wife. You're responsible as responsible for her as you are for yourself. You are to give as much attention to her sanctification as you do for your own, because it is your own. Christ, in having become one with us, considers our sanctification as important as his own. I should say he considers it his own. See, he will not have an unholy bride because his bride is his body and he's going to address that. And he's going to sanctify us and bring us to where we're supposed to be. This is why it is right for a husband to say, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. He is responsible to do that and to give no rest until all are serving the Lord. Husband, if there is something in your household that is not right before God and you do not address it, then you are responsible. The one who is committing that sin is responsible, but so are you. You can't pretend. that it has nothing to do with you. Well, that's just the kids. Well, that's just my wife. No, it's your household. You are responsible. That means that you have to stop being a wimp in your household. You must be a man who is not afraid to confront your wife if you see wrong in her. You must not be a towering excuse of a man who is unwilling to stand up for what he believes is right in his home. I tell you, such a man is trying to avoid conflict that he is bringing. He is going to bring more conflict upon his household than he can ever imagine. It's often the way it is, isn't it? We try to avoid something and we end up bringing an avalanche of whatever it is that we were trying to avoid. Every weed that is left in the garden will become a bigger weed and multiple weeds. It is much easier to pull them up when they first appear than it is to wait until they have taken over. Your wife may not like it at first if you take her to a church because you believe it is the best for your household. She may quarrel with you. And if you address her about an attitude that she has or about selfishness that you see, even if you do it with meekness and wisdom, she may put up a fight and resist you. But my brothers, you're still responsible to do these things. In God's way of working, it is usually the case that the husband who does this with gentleness and wisdom and who does it consistently and who applies the same standard to himself or a higher standard than what he's applying to his own household, that his wife will come to appreciate his leadership. She will see her husband taking in love his responsibility that God has given even when there is opposition. She knows when her attitude is not right. Just as you know when your attitude is not right. And she carries guilt for it, just as you carry guilt for it. Her strong reaction at first is to be expected because you're feeling guilty and you react, especially if you've never addressed anything. She's defensive, but she'll get over it if you stay at it and do not wimp out and do not start to whine and do not start to complain and do not start to say, oh, it's so hard for me and carry on. If you demonstrate a true commitment to her for her best, and she sees your love toward her increasing, and she sees that consistency in you, and she sees you becoming more and more godly, and she sees the household becoming more and more godly, she'll be more than likely, she'll come to respect you like she never respected you before, and to have an appreciation for you like she never had before. A lot of husbands wimp out before they even have a chance to gain their wife's respect. In fact, I did that in my first year of marriage. I didn't take my responsibility in leading. I did not address things that needed to be addressed. The Lord had to deal with me about that and to show me my responsibility, to expose my sin and bring me to repentance. And when I understood, then my relationship with my wife turned completely around. What a difference it will make in your home if you will begin to take full responsibility to see that everyone in your household is living unto Jesus Christ, that you and your wife are filled with God's Spirit, that you're rejoicing in what He has done to save you and full of gratitude for it, that you're looking to Him for grace to make you into a home that glorifies Him in every way, that instead of complaining, you are looking at your sufferings as a household as ways to help you honor God and to grow in His grace, that when there is sin, you make sure that everyone in the household gets to Christ What a difference it will make if you take this responsibility for your household as your own flesh. So that's the first way that it will help you to recognize that you're one flesh, you will see you will stop being a wimp and start taking responsibility for the state of your house. Now, some of you may be hearing this and you're thinking, oh, no, you don't know what my husband is like. He'll be wielding his authority and coming up with all sorts of strange convictions and imposing all sorts of things on our household. He'll have me dressing like a Muslim or he'll decide that we have to go to some on some weird health food diet or there's no telling what he might do. Well, if he understands that he's one flesh with you, then he will not be so foolish. Husbands, if you realize that you're one flesh with your wife, you will not only be responsible, but secondly, you will also see that you need to be sensitive in how you lead your home. What I mean is that you won't come after her with some new conviction that you have and come and impose it upon her as if she has no feelings, as if she is a non-person, as if she has no thoughts. You are one flesh with her, you see. You're to nourish and cherish her as you do your own flesh. Do you see what this means? It means that if you have to confront her, you won't come at her as if you're a drill sergeant. You won't drop things on her like a bomb. You won't come at her after reading a couple of articles and hearing a couple of sermons say about a husband's responsibility and say, wife, from this day on, things are changing around here. We've been doing it all wrong. From now on, I'm in charge and there'll be no back talk. God has ordained it and that's the way it's to be. around here and it's going to be that way until I die or the Lord returns. No. That's the way of the bonehead. Who does not realize? That he's one flesh with his wife. If you realize that you're one flesh, you'll take time to understand. Her when there is something new, you will find out where her fears are. And you will attempt to relieve those fears. You'll find out her concerns and her objections, and you will take them into consideration before you even make a final decision. You will labor earnestly to gain her understanding and to gain her favor as you move forward into something else in your household. That's what you do within yourself, isn't it? See the connection here? Your own flesh, how you love your own flesh. You do that within yourself. You don't just immediately go, woof. I mean, sometimes you might, but many times you wrestle and struggle and you address your fears. You say, but if I believe this and I mean this and what about this and what I don't know about this in your concerns. Well, what about this other passage over here? Maybe this means this. You don't just come in embracing new doctrine, new practice. You're very patient with yourself, aren't you? You give yourself a lot of time. to work through the matter, to think it through. You're kind to your own flesh. So why should you be less kind to your wife who is your own flesh? Why should you expect your wife to embrace something the first time you present it to her just because you presented it? What kind of headship is that? You did not even accept it yourself at first. Why this double standard? I've seen churches that they'll embrace something and then they'll make it a matter of communion. They come to a conviction as a church, the leadership, the elders, and then they embrace that upon the whole congregation as a matter of communion. This is folly. It's a double standard. I tell you, my brothers, a good husband will do everything he can to win his wife's approval and agreement. He will not just come in with some new agenda to wouldn't impose on her. He will gently work with her to help her understand, and he will be thankful to discover in his interaction with her that there's some holes in what he was getting ready to do and that he was wrong and he'll change his course. She's given to you to help you. So, yes, you are responsible for the decision, but you are very irresponsible if you do not take her into consideration. That's the way of the bonehead. Sadly, it sometimes seems that there are only two sorts of husbands left in the evangelical church today. The wimpy heads and the boneheads, the majority are wimpy heads who take no responsibility for their wives. They just leave them to themselves and they act like that. They're not even married. You know, you always do what you want. I'll just do what I want. But then there are those who those few who realize this responsibility and who take it seriously. But sadly, Among those few who realize this, the majority of them are often boneheads and they come in with a hammer to impose their latest version of righteousness on their household while everyone in their household's eyes are rolling. Like, what are we going to do now? Where are we going to go now? They give the doctrine of headship a bad name. My brothers and sisters, it ought not to be this way. My brothers in particular, let us strive rather to be spirit filled husbands. Let us look to Christ for our example. of love that we may learn to give ourselves for our wives, even as he has given himself for us. Let us look to Christ as our example for leading our household in the direction of godliness, to have an agenda, to have a purpose rather than to have an abusive headship. And finally, let us realize that we are one flesh with our wives so that we will love them as our own flesh. taking responsibility for them with sensitivity such as we have to ourselves. This is what you're called to do. This you can only do by the grace of God, by looking to Jesus Christ. And as you live this way, then you will see more and more the glory of Christ as you're endeavoring to be what he is. You'll see more and more what he is. And that's the beauty of it all, that it's an upward spiral. from grace to grace and glory to glory. Please stand and let's call upon the Lord and ask him to make it so in our homes. Let's pray. Gracious father. We stand before you now to call upon your name. and ask you to look upon us and to have mercy upon us. Father, we see how much in disarray our households are. And father, we pray that you would pour out your spirit upon us, that we might begin to grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ to become what you have called us to be as both husbands and wives. Also, as children. Father, we pray especially that the heads of the households in this congregation would be a true portrait of Jesus Christ, that they would show forth his glory by the way they lead. We know that Christ is the right kind of leader, that he totally gives himself for us, that he gives himself to the purpose that you have for us, that he has for us, shaping us and fitting us to live in your household forever. And it is the place of us as individuals, as well as the place of us as households to come before you and to be brought into that that holiness and that godliness. And I pray that each man would take responsibility for his household, that he would realize that it is a responsibility that is given to him and that he is that he is leading, whether for good or for ill. Father, we pray also that you would help us to be sensitive in the way that we lead, that we would be able to win the affection of those that we lead, that we would be able to win their affection to the things that we are leading them to. Father, we know that men very much need to learn this, that they need to learn to deal with their wives the way they deal with themselves. We're so prone to pamper ourselves and to care for ourselves very tenderly. But then with others, we have a different attitude. Father, we pray that you would help us, that you would transform and change us. And Lord, we pray that as we live this way, that we would testify of Christ by our very lives to those around us. They would come and ask us of the hope that we have, and we would be able to tell them why we are the way we are, that we would be able to point them to Jesus Christ and the relationship that we have with him, that they would already know something about it because they would have seen it modeled in the way that we have lived. Father, how we plead with you that this would be so. We know that the church's witness is greatly hindered today because our households are in such disarray and there is no model for anyone to see the whole idea of Christ and what he did is a very alien and strange thing because there is no model of it anywhere. Father, we pray that you would change all that and that we would have a powerful witness in our community. We pray, Lord, that you would bring many to confess the Lord Jesus Christ with us. to praise his name with us that you might be honored and glorified. We ask you now to bless us in the remainder of this service in Jesus name. Amen. You may be seated. I'll ask the elders to come forward as we prepare to receive the Lord's Supper. Now, may our Lord Jesus Christ himself and our God and father who has loved us and given us everlasting consolation and good hope by grace. Comfort your heart and establish you in every good word and work. Amen.