I invite you to turn in your Bibles with me to Luke chapter 16. We'll be reading verses 16 through 18. As you're turning there, I just want to make a few preliminary notes. This is perhaps one of the most difficult sermons that I've had to give. I've been married eight years, and I recognize there are people in this room that were married before my parents were born. And I don't say that in jest. I just say that I'm no marriage expert. But also, secondly, that we're going to be discussing the topic of divorce. And I know that there are those in this congregation who have experienced the pains of divorce And I want to be as sensitive as I can while sharing God's word that he has called me to share today. So I ask for your grace, your mercy. I know this is a very gracious and merciful congregation. So let's read Luke 16, beginning verse 16. This is God's holy and inspired word. The law and the prophets were until John, Since then, the good news of the kingdom of God is preached and everyone forces his way into it, but it is easier for heaven and earth to pass away than for one dot of the law to become void. Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery. And he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery. Let us pray. May God, may you speak to us through the reading and preaching of your word. And may the name of Christ ever be praised. Amen. Well, the health of marriage is inextricably tied to the health of the society around it. We've seen that failed marriages tend to place a burden on society around it. The increase of absentee fathers and out-of-wedlock births in the U.S. have led to a greater demand for state-provided services. The research, international research from sociologists like David Popenoe and Alan Wolf show that as the marriage culture declines within any nation, the size and scope of the state power and spending within that nation grows to meet the effects of the decline. Even the left-leaning Brookings Institution attributed $229 billion in welfare expenditure between 1970 and 1996 to the breakdown of American marriage. Divorce and unwed childbearing now cost the U.S. taxpayers somewhere around $112 billion per year. Kaye Homowitz has shown in her publications that the decline of marriage has hurt lower income households and African-Americans the most. So for Christians to care about the state of marriage is for Christians to care for justice. The live and let live mantra, the mantra of what happens in the privacy of my own bedroom is of no effect to you. It's now becoming untenable. The current state of marriage in our culture is not promising. Research indicates that one divorce occurs every 13 seconds in the US, ranking us sixth on a global divorce scale. Approximately 50% of children in North America will experience parental divorce before the age of 18. Clinical psychologist and a professor of psychology at the University of Toronto, Jordan B. Peterson, who is not a Christian, has publicly stated that the financial and the mental health effects from divorce are too great on both the spouses and the children, and that couples should make every effort possible to stay together and make the marriage work, despite their current miseries. But what does the Bible say? We can quote this expert and we can reference that study, but at the end of the day, the only word that matters most is the word of the Lord. Marriage is such a primary human institution with such a profound effect on both the individual and the society that we must be certain it's nature. God created marriage and his law is perfect, it's sanctifying, it's profitable for teaching, for correction, and what does it tell us about marriage? The Bible teaches us that God designed marriage. And in the Bible, we read God's warnings regarding marriage. And also in the Bible, he offers us purpose for our marriages. So today, I want to cover these three topics by offering a brief, a brief theology of marriage. First, let's look at God's design for marriage. Marriage is ordained by God. To begin any examination on marriage, one must begin in the first couple chapters of Genesis. And fortunately for us, that's precisely what we did this past summer in our spiritual heritage series. While examining Genesis, we noted how God created Adam and Eve, And then he created marriage, saying in Genesis 2.24 that a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. God created marriage, thus he gets to define it. His definition is not arbitrary, it's for our flourishing. In Genesis 2, we see that this one flesh union is joined by making a covenant. Covenant is essentially a binding contract. The Hebrew verb for hold fast means literally to be glued to each other, to unite through a covenant to one another and before God. So to break this covenant with the spouse is also to break with God too. It's a permanent agreement. It's a lifelong agreement. However, in our culture today, is this idea that it's romantic love, not the covenant that is most important to a marriage. Thus, you hear the reason for the claim, I don't need a piece of paper to intimately love someone else to say I'm married, to which I respond, yes, you do. Our culture, see, has removed marriage from being about the marriage, about the couple, about serving each other, to being about me, the individual and my individual gratification. This is why in these romance films and even in wedding vows today, you hear things like, you fulfill me. You make me so happy. The focus is on the individual, which, practically speaking, puts an impossible burden on your spouse and the marriage. Feeling then takes precedent over an objective truth. This is why today we hear about couples decoupling. falling out of love because to them love is only a feeling. Comes and it goes. Our culture's view of marriage it then necessitates that you must constantly be fulfilling some idea of how you should act or look or that you need to make your spouse feel a certain way. It's destructive on the marriage. It's enslaving to both women and to men. You must constantly be putting on a front because there's little room for truth. And what a covenant does is it actually allows vulnerability and truth to help you be truly naked and unashamed like Adam and Eve. You know, I know Kelsey is not going to leave me because I put on some weight. Kelsey knows that I'm not going to abandon her because I have a moment when the romantic feelings aren't there. My spouse isn't going to learn of how sinful my heart is and then become disgusted and leave. The covenant actually empowers us to be honest with each other and free from fear that as she learns the secrets of my heart, that truth may drive us apart. We have entered a covenant together, no matter what, in sickness and in health, that we belong to each other. We're committed. We are glued together. No marriage can maintain these feelings of love and affection all the time. And no matter how my sin affects my marriage, the vow, the covenant remains unchanged, despite our changing feelings or current miseries. Our culture then not only misunderstands marriage, but sex. In Genesis 2, there's all these sexual overtones, right? Adam and Eve, they're naked. become one flesh, but this isn't just speaking physically. To say Adam and Eve are naked is to speak of their transparency, their vulnerability, their honesty, which is needed in any relationship. To be open and honest with the spouse is to be naked before your spouse. So to be one flesh isn't only speaking of that act of physically uniting in sex, but one flesh relationally. Our wills, our communication, our lives. Sex, biblically, It shows, it contributes to how we become one, to our unity. It strengthens a marital relationship in a powerful and seemingly mysterious way. And I don't need to tell anyone in this room who owns a TV or a smartphone just how obsessed our culture is over sex. And the answer for the church isn't to be prudes. Because if we don't begin speaking openly about a biblical understanding of sex, then people are only going to hear our culture spin. Their view of sex, it's selfish and destructive. Much like how our culture has privatized marriage to be about the individual and the individual's gratification, the culture has done the same thing to sex. However, the Bible teaches that sex is foremost about serving your marriage, serving your spouse, fulfilling the cultural mandate. Secondarily, is it for your own pleasure? Sex was created for the good of the marriage, to strengthen it, to bring unity between two people, to bring children. To take sex and make it about the individual with marriage is no longer essential. It's the same as selfishly saying to someone, I'm willing to unite to you and be vulnerable with my body, but I'm not willing to be vulnerable and unite to you with all of my life. It actually devalues sex, it cheapens it, and it uses partners as mere objects to maximize your own gratification rather than building something more profound. Genesis 2.24, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh. You can only have a one flesh relationship full of the vulnerability and honesty that we are called to if there's a covenant that bonds you together or you'll live in fear of being too honest or too vulnerable. You must be willing to go all the way and unite yourself together with more than just physical bond. need a covenant. So when there's trouble, or the feeling isn't there, that the vow will get you through the rough waters. Marriage is a lifelong covenant. Which leads us to our second point, God's warning for marriage. Now, in our passage, Luke 16, There's this very complicated saying here from Jesus. Look at verse 16 and 17. The law and the prophets were until John and since then the good news of the kingdom of God is preached and everyone forces his way into it. But it is easier for heaven and earth to pass away than for one dot of the law to become void. These two verses, they deserve their own sermon as there's some debate as to its meaning. Now today it should suffice for us to say two things. One, Jesus is announcing that during his time there is this distinct change in redemptive history as the gospel is being proclaimed with Christ's presence. And two, that God's law Which Psalm 19, which was just saying earlier, that Psalm 19 says that God's law is perfect. It's sure, it's true. We know it's eternal. God's law doesn't become void just because Jesus is here proclaiming the kingdom. In fact, God's law or his word is only confirmed with the arrival of the word incarnate, Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ, the one who says in Matthew 5, do not think I've come to abolish the law or prophets. I've not come to abolish them, but to fulfill them. Truly I say to you, until heaven and earth passes away, not an iota, not a dot will pass from the law. Until all is accomplished, whoever relax one of the least of these commandments and teaches others to do the same will be called the least in the kingdom of heaven. So our times and our culture may always be changing, but God's word remains unchanged. And God's word declares that marriage is permanent, a lifelong commitment. And in verse 18, then, Jesus says, everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery. And he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery. This verse follows Jesus' statement that God's law never becomes void, perhaps due to the fact that it's a prime example of how the Pharisees tended to relax God's laws, particularly concerning marriage. You see, during this time, there were basically two schools of Jewish interpretation regarding divorces. You had the liberal school called the Hillel and the more conservative school called the Shammai. Now, the Shammai, they limited divorces only to the instances of sexual infidelity. But the Hillel were much more liberal. They permitted divorce for almost anything. They permitted divorce if a wife burnt supper or They permitted divorce if a husband simply found another woman more attractive. Sounds like our culture. The Hillel and the Shammai, they debated the interpretation of Deuteronomy 24's allowance of divorce. Now, our passage here in Luke 16 is also documented in a parallel account in Matthew 19. But Matthew includes more of Jesus's words. And it's interesting, in Matthew 19, when the Pharisees were arguing with Jesus over divorce, he doesn't respond to them by explaining Deuteronomy 24, but rather Genesis 2. saying, therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother, hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. Jesus then says, so they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. Jesus wasn't interested in teasing out the boundaries of for when and why you may divorce, because it's fundamentally the wrong question. Their itching ears wanted to know, Lord, how far may we go? Rather, Jesus affirmed God's original design for marriage to be a covenant, thus permanent, lifelong. But is Jesus then saying that divorce is always wrong? That there's never an allowance? In Matthew 19, we read that the Pharisees, they know that Deuteronomy allowed for divorce, and they questioned Jesus, and Jesus responds, because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning, it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery. Jesus leaves no question. In the situation where marital infidelity occurs, there is an allowance for divorce, but we are called to a higher calling to try to preserve our marriages. Now, because of our sin, we live in a world where divorce happens. So the Bible gives two situations wherein divorces are allowed. One is the instance of marital infidelity, such as Jesus directs us. The other situation is abandonment, when one spouse abandons the other, which Paul describes in 1 Corinthians 7. Now, some may respond, well, what about a terrible situation such as abuse? Shouldn't someone be able to separate from a dangerous spouse? This is a very difficult circumstance, and I do not take this lightly. But I will say that if you are in a situation where abuse is happening, you need to go to those in authority. And you need to make sure that you and or your children are safe and that any crimes are reported. I will also say that you need to go to your elders, shepherds who are put over us in authority, because none of these scenarios are situations that any of us should walk through alone. It's the church's duty, it's the church's call to care for and protect you. In fact, the Westminster Confession of Faith, which is our church's doctrinal position, states that anyone in these situations should not be, quote, left to their own wills and discretion in their own case. These situations are too emotionally charged and we need the guidance of our shepherds to help us evaluate them and how God's word speaks to them. But I will also say, in cases of unrepentant abuse where you are essentially forced to separate to a safe distance from an abuser who is a spouse, that you are being abandoned. Only instead of the spouse abandoning you, they're putting you in a situation that for your own safety that you must leave. These are not easy matters. and not all who experience infidelity and abandonment get divorced, but we can all agree that both transgressions are antithetical to the design of marriage. Infidelity, abandonment, they both tear at the fabric of the one flesh union. And the best possible situation is to invest into your marriage, to honor your spouse, to honor your Lord, to honor your vows, that you may have a healthy one flesh marriage, sickness and in health, till death do you part. We are to be naked and unashamed, that means open and transparent with our spouse, building safety and trust while growing in the Lord together. And you can't do that if you're cheating on your spouse. You can't have unity with your spouse if you abandon them. But when these healthy disciplines are in place, then we may look at our last point, and that's God's purpose within our marriage. So part of the purpose within a marriage is to mortify loneliness. We also saw in our study of Genesis 2 over the summer that after the Lord created Adam, the Lord said, it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him. That doesn't mean that everyone needs a spouse. Paul teaches in the New Testament that singleness is a gift given to some. However, we are all made for relationships. God is triune, he's relational in himself. being the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Therefore, loneliness is not good. Even if you're not married, you need the body of Christ for your own good. You need friends for your own good. The marital relationship is a blessed one that is for our mutual edification. The Westminster Confession of Faith also states that marriages was ordained for the mutual help of husband and wife, for the increase of mankind, and for the church with the holy seed, for preventing uncleanness. You know, we grow in our marriages to know our spouse, how to serve them, we learn how to love them, and there's no human relationship more intimate than this, which when done well, mortifies loneliness. And another aspect of the purpose within a marriage is to have children and to shepherd them, fulfilling, at least in part, the cultural mandate to be fruitful and to multiply. Ephesians 6 states, fathers do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Psalm says, 127.3, that children are heritage from the Lord. They don't actually belong to us as parents. Eden and Moses, my children, they belong to the Lord. And they're only on loan to Kelsey and me for a time that we may instruct them as God's vice regents, that means as God's representatives. God has chosen Kelsey and me to be in a position of authority over them in order to care for them, teach them, to protect them. They're a blessing. But one day, Eden and Moses, they won't be my children under my authority, but my brother and sister in Christ. And I long for that day on the new earth when I'll be alongside them as their sibling. The third aspect of the purpose for marriage is to make us holy. Ephesians 5 states, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. The church is not only the body of Christ, but the bride of Christ. And you see, in Christ's redemptive work, he not only saves us through faith, but he sanctifies us. Through our lives, Christ's spirit is working within us to make us holy, and this is the model offered to spouses. If you're married, then you have a ministry to your spouse to help them become holier. And I've recently seen this as Kelsey's minister to me because this year we enrolled our son Moses into preschool, which he attends three days a week. And he's new to the classroom, so he's learning the rules of the teacher and how to interact with children his own age. And the teacher has this disciplinary system set up resembling a traffic light, right? So everyone walks into the classroom on a green light. And if they have some bad behavior, they're warned and they're placed on the yellow light. And if the bad behavior persists, they're then moved to the red light, which results in a phone call home to mom and dad. So guess who was the first student in the entire class to receive a yellow light? But then something happened. The next class, he got another one. Then another. Then another. Then another. And it just kept happening. And Kelsey and I, we didn't know what to do. We felt like failures as parents. And Moses' behavior then became our obsession. Every time that we'd pick him up from school, I would question him on whether he'd received the yellow light, and the tension grew until Moses didn't want to talk about school, especially with me. Kelsey could see Moses' frustration grow and his reluctance to discuss school at all. She gently began warning me that we're putting too much pressure on this four-year-old child Finally, after a month of this, Moses came home having received a yellow light and the teacher warned him that he had almost received a red light. Now this was all I needed to hear. I disciplined him, I threatened him that I was gonna pull him out of preschool and I sent him to his room. Even as I share this, I am ashamed how foolish I am. After calming down, I went up to his room. pushed open the door and I walked in. When he saw me, he hopped out of bed and he went running into my arms. He embraced my neck, he was squeezing tight, and he began weeping. Then he told me that he didn't want to go to school anymore because he couldn't stop getting in trouble. And I realized that in that moment, Moses was not weeping over the weight of his sin, but the weight of mine. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. Kelsey's words were a ministry to me. She was gently warning me of my sin because I had placed my feelings of failure on a four-year-old child. My expectations weren't just. They were sinful. There was no grace. There was no mercy. I wasn't shepherding Moses' heart. I was only attempting to control and modify his behavior. It was moralism. Kelsey's words, they drove me to repentance. I asked Moses for his forgiveness. I told him that I would not be pulling him out of school. And now I can see that sometimes I place high expectations on others that aren't fair, not just my child. My wife had ministered to me like Ephesians 5 tells us is one purpose of our marriage. And perhaps you're not married. Through faith in Christ, you still have Christ's spirit sanctifying you. Through faith, you are united to Christ. Therefore, you're united to his body, the church. So you have other Christians who are called to live out those one another's called to these sanctifying relationships that we call discipleship. It's it's not only for marriages. You know, I brought up the yellow light. to my life group here in the church. John Hillbrand, a school teacher, he was giving me the same counsel my wife was giving me. Paul says, if anyone is caught in transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Paul says, bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. This is why we need the church and the ministry it brings. We need Christ. And for those who are married, We need our spouse and the ministry they bring. This is why our culture is individualism. It doesn't work. To take marriage or to take life and make it about ourselves and our own gratification, it doesn't work. It only disappoints. Marriages must be about the good of the marriage, its design and its purpose. However, to accomplish that, marriage must fundamentally have Christ as the center. Ephesians 5 tells us that our marriages are a model of Christ's union, his marriage with his people, the church. From the beginning of creation, from Genesis, we read about marriage. And our marriages were created to point us to and be patterned after Christ's marriage, the believers. Ephesians 5, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound. And I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church. In our marriages, we learn to love our spouses, to forgive them, to seek forgiveness from them. We learn to serve them, to protect them, to love them, to sacrifice for them, like Christ did for his bride. Our marriages, our lives, they need something worthy of more glory as its center than individualism, than ourselves. Christ loved us enough to point out the sin of our hearts without turning himself away from us. I have horrible sin in my heart. I am ashamed of my sin. I am ashamed of how I treated Moses. Yet Christ knows and he didn't turn away from me. In fact, he bore our sins by laying down his life for us on the cross. God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. He took our place, he paid the price. Do you trust that we are forgiven for our sins through Christ, through faith? With Christ as the cornerstone of our marriage, of our lives, then our lives, our marriages, they become about something bigger, more profound, something eternal. The only way to have a truly fulfilling marriage is to first be fulfilled in Christ. The only way to truly have a fulfilled life is to first be fulfilled in Christ. Let us pray. Heavenly Father, we praise you. We praise you, this work of redemption that you have laid out, Christ has fulfilled, and that you offer to us through faith. giving us your Holy Spirit. Lord, we would ask for our marriages that Christ would be at the center of them. And for all of us, that Christ would be at the center of our lives. He would be the foundation, the cornerstone. And that in our lives, people would see Christ in them. We ask this in Jesus' holy name, amen.