Please turn your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5. This is a text of scripture that we've been going to for several weeks now, I think even months, dealing with the issue of husbands and wives under a bigger subject, the Christian worldview. We dealt with the Christian worldview with respect to God himself, our Creator, and then God giving us what Theologians have called creational ordinances. Man as man received gifts from God. The gift of a Sabbath day, that was a gift. A gift of work, that is a gift. And the gift of marriage. But let's read Ephesians 5, beginning at verse 22. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its Savior. Now the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Well, let's again look to the Lord. Father, we are again gathered here in your name. We believe, Lord, that you will keep your promise, that promise that you have given to the church, that where there are two or three gathered in your name, you will be there. That's what we covet more than anything else, your presence. So, we ask you again to show your kindness to us, mercy, show us again that you are the faithful one who always keeps his promises. Draw near to us as we draw near to you, and we pray that we would have a wonderful sense that we have heard from the living God this morning. Speak to us, continue to sanctify us, and we pray this in your Son's name. Amen. The Christian view of marriage starts with creation. No sooner does God make the first man and the first woman, and then God officiates a wedding. God marries them, which tells us that marriage is God's idea. Marriage is not like a Model T Ford or an Apple computer. It was not invented by man, but it was invented by God. Marriage is smothered with the fingerprints of the Creator God. And you really couldn't have a better beginning, could you? We shouldn't forget that Genesis 1 and Genesis 2 presents us with a perfect world, a perfect man, a perfect woman, and a perfect marriage. Then you have that beautiful snapshot at the very back end of Genesis 2, says it all, they were naked and unashamed. But sadly, things didn't stay that way for the happy newlyweds. That perfect world of Genesis 1 and 2 turns into a broken world when man sins. The two happiest people on planet Earth are now fighting and squabbling, and we see that in Genesis chapter 3. But thankfully, that's not the end of the marriage story. Jesus comes into this world. Jesus goes to the cross. He brings redemption to sinners, and that really does change everything. Marriage gets restored and redeemed because of what Christ did upon the cross. And if you want proof, here it is right in Ephesians chapter 5. The apostle Paul is seeking to demonstrate that the gospel wonderfully redeems and restores marriage. The gospel of Jesus Christ makes marriage, listen carefully, more beautiful, more purposeful, and more fruitful. The gospel of Jesus Christ makes marriage more beautiful, more purposeful, and more fruitful. According to Ephesians 5, every husband, every wife, also has the unique responsibility, you could say the unique privilege, to shape their marriage into a Christ-shaped marriage. And there are essentially two big duties that are given here in Ephesians 5, both the husband and wife, They should be embraced by the wife and the husband as regular, intentional, God-glorifying, Christ-dependent, joyful duties. They should be embraced as regular, intentional, God-glorifying, Christ-dependent, joyful duties. I think I got that from someone else. It's stated somewhat like that. Regular, intentional, God-glorifying, Christ-dependent, joyful duties. The duty for the wife is to joyfully sacrifice herself to Christ ultimately, but to give herself to a sacrificing duty of submission. And the husband, he is to sacrifice to Christ ultimately on a self-denial, but he is to give himself to a sacrificial duty of love to his wife. He tells wives twice, here in Ephesians 5, to submit to their husbands, and he tells husbands three times to love their wives. Verse 25, verse 28, and verse 33. Now, we've already dealt with The wife's submission to the husband, so now we are addressing husbands and their duty to love their wives. And thankfully, Paul doesn't leave husbands in the dark, as to kind of figure out what this means. He gives definitive shape to the duty of love. He has to love his wife, even as, just as, Christ loved the church. So here's the question. How did Christ love his church? If you figure that out, then you know how to love your wife. How did Christ love the church? Well, I'm going to tell you. There's three points. Next week we'll have maybe four more. So you have to come back. Here's how husbands are to love their wives. And I find it interesting that sometimes I get a better response from men when I talk about submission I better respond from women when I talk about love. I hope the husband will listen and love what is said this morning so you can better love your wife. Number one, Christ loved the church graciously and realistically. Number two, Christ loved the church sacrificially and selflessly. And number three, if you're going to love your wife as Christ loved the Church, Christ loved the Church particularly and exclusively. There you go, three simple heads to understand how Christ loved the Church. He loved her graciously, He loved her sacrificially, and He loved her particularly. So let's start working our way and show you from Ephesians 5 that that indeed is the case. He loved her graciously or realistically. Can you remember the first time you began thinking about marriage? I think most men can't. Most women can't. And apparently I read this somewhere where women actually start thinking, some women start thinking about the flavor of the wedding cake when they're in preschool. But at some point in time, every one of us begins to think about marriage. And it often comes on the radar screen when you meet that special person. But have you ever asked the question, why in the world does everybody, I would think everybody, almost everybody thinks about marriage? And it's because it's built into the very DNA of our psyche We are made in the image of God. And we were made to think about marriage. Just like we were made to work. Just like we were made to worship. Deep down, everybody knows it's not good for man to be alone. Deep down, everyone has a desire and a longing for intimacy and companionship. And marriage is the best way that is realized at its deepest level. God made us. He made us to desire and to want a special relationship of intimacy and a relationship of oneness. That explains why at some point in time you and I begin to think about marriage. But here's the question, probably one that we haven't thought about, at least most of us I don't think. When did Christ think about marriage? It's obvious when you open up the gospel accounts that Christ is thinking about marriage. He's thinking about his marriage to his bride. Why do I say that? Mark chapter 2, for example, you have Luke chapter 5, two texts of gospel accounts where Jesus uses the bridegroom terminology. In Mark, at least three times, he refers to himself as the bridegroom. He does the same in Luke chapter 5. He devotes a whole parable in Matthew 25 to the bridegroom coming back again for his bride. If you turn to John chapter 14, an argument could even be made from John 14 that Jesus is talking or thinking about his bride here as well. John 14, which is part of that upper room discourse, the last night before his crucifixion, notice what Jesus says in John 14, beginning at verse 1, Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God. Believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you." But this is Jewish betrothal language. When a Jew would get married, when he would be engaged, there was a betrothal. And then he would leave his betrothed and he would go off and build a new home and then he would return and take his bride home. Jesus is thinking about his bride. He thinks about her on the front end of the Gospels, Mark chapter 2 and Luke chapter 5, and here at the back end of the Gospels in John chapter 14. So Jesus obviously was thinking about His bride through His whole public ministry. But we could even argue going back even further, couldn't we, and say that Jesus from eternity past, eternity past, was thinking about His bride. Jeremiah 31 captures the heart of God, and we believe that Jesus is God. But here's what is said in Jeremiah 31 3, I have loved you with an everlasting love. In Ephesians chapter 1, we are told He chose His bride, He chose His bride, the church, before the foundation of the world. So we could say before time, before God even spoke this world into existence, He was thinking of His bride. He's always loved His bride. He's always had His bride on His heart and His mind. He's always loved His bride. But here's something else you need to understand about His love for His bride. Not only is it an eternal love, but it is a gracious love. Let me ask you, what condition were you in when he first loved you? As Jesus, Jesus God, very God, looked down the corridors of time, what kind of bride did he see? How attractive was she? Well, get ready for this one, the ugly. And I could take you to all kinds of passages in your Bible to show just how ugly she was. This isn't so much her ugliness, but it does certainly tell us something about God's choice. Deuteronomy chapter 7, we're told that He did not set His affection on you or choose you because you were more than a number than any of the other people, but because you were the fewest of all the people, He chose you, He loved you. So there was nothing about you, really, in terms of any attraction or anything that would commend you. Romans 5 says He loved us when we were weak, when we were sinners, when we were without strength. Ephesians 2 says He loved us when we were yet in our sins, dead in trespasses and walking according to this world. They say that you marry a stranger. Some even say you marry six strangers. Because we all change. And the person you married last month or two years ago isn't probably the same person you're married to today. They change. So there's a sense in which we marry a stranger. We really don't know that person, at least not as well as we thought we knew them. And then when you get married, you find out things that are a little bit shocking, maybe even alarming. You didn't know they snored like that. You didn't know she'd shoot granola like that. And there's a lot of other things you didn't know. There's a lot of things that you could say are not very nice. Now, hopefully, there are things that you discover that are wonderfully nice. But you really find out, don't you? Not just how bad someone else is. but how bad you are. Marriage is self-discovery. I think I've quoted this before, but marriage is likened to a full-length mirror. It introduces you to the real you. Now let me ask you, would you marry the person you married today, or you're married to right now, if you knew all that you knew now? I hope you'd say yes. That really would be a reflection of the love of Christ. Because Christ knew everything about His bride. Absolutely everything. And there was nothing attractive. Everything repulsive to His holiness. Everything to give Him reason to say, no way! She is nothing but a sinner through and through. And I don't have to tell you that sin makes people ugly. We had hearts that wanted nothing to do with Christ, nothing to do with God. And that's why when He came into this world, we are told He was despised and rejected by men. They found no beauty in Him due to their own ignorance and blindness. But He found no beauty in us either. And that's due to his holiness in his omniscience. John Newton wasn't exaggerating, was he, when he said, amazing grace that saved a wretch like me. Here's what's so amazing. He still loved his bride. He still loved his bride. He loved her freely. He loved her unconditionally. He loved her graciously, knowing everything that made her the sinner that she was. And husbands are to love like Christ loved the church. That means we are to love them graciously, realistically. And if you're a Christian husband, you married a Christian woman. What does that mean? Well, it does mean that she has been wonderfully changed. She's a new creation. She's been born again. She's been endowed with the Spirit of God. She's a joint heir with Christ. She is a saint. According to the Bible, she is. But she's still a sinner. She's a saint sinner. And marriage gives you a reality check that she just ain't a saint, but she's a sinner. Dr. Paul Tripp has a book on marriage titled, What Did You Expect? What Did You Expect? You married a sinner, and what do sinners do? Sinners sin. I've never met a sinner who didn't sin. And when someone sins against you, you have two potential responses. You can respond in kind, and that's the easiest thing to do. You can respond like a sinner. And so, harsh criticism is met with harsh criticism. Accusation is met with accusation. Blame shifting is met with blame shifting. That's one choice you have. That's the choice that Adam made, remember? He takes on Eve there. He tears into his wife like a heavyweight boxer. He disses himself from her. The woman, doesn't say my wife, the woman you gave me. He puts blame on her. He fails to take responsibility for his sin and it only made matters worse. But if you understand, Christ's love Every Christian husband should love differently. Really, it's the only option. If you're a Christian husband, you are to love your wife as Christ loved the church. That means you go down a different pathway. It's a narrow pathway, not easy, but it's a pathway of obedience. It's the pathway of agape love, the love of Ephesians 5. So that means instead of moving away from her and getting angry with her or belittling her, you move toward her with grace or with the verbs of 1 Corinthians 13, which are I think there are 13 verbs there. Love is kind. Love is patient. Love is self-controlled. Love does not envy. Love is not angry. Love does not seek its own. That's the narrow pathway that a Christian husband should choose. It's the pathway of Ephesians 4, verse 31. Put off bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, be tender-hearted, forgiving one another. That's the only option you have as a Christian husband. And it should be the easiest thing in the world when you think about it because you and I should recognize as husbands that our wives don't stand alone in their sin But the same Christ that reached out and saved her also saved you, and He loved you despite all of your failings, all of your shortcomings. I think that's why it's very wise as husbands to frequently go to the throne of grace. I would urge you to do that on a daily basis, asking for forgiveness for your own sins. It's a good reminder that you are a sinner who needs grace, that we all fall short of God's glory. And we as husbands, we might not always think of it this way, but it's a wonderful privilege. You can put on display the marvelous graciousness of Christ's love towards your wife. Husbands, love your wife. That means Love her graciously, realistically, forgivingly. Secondly, using Ephesians 5 as our paradigm, you are to love her sacrificially and selflessly. Notice again the text. Paul picks up that key word, love, verse 25. And notice where he goes. He makes a beeline for the cross. Husbands, love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. And he uses two Greek verbs here, which are put into a special form called eris. Eris tense verbs. And you say, what does that mean? Well, an eris tense verb captures a past action or event, a single event. And so the Apostle Paul wants us to think of one supreme act committed by Christ, which is on that cross, where he dies and pays that price, gives himself up for his church. That's what he wants us to think about. You are to love your wife as Christ loved the church. You are to love her in a self-denying, costly, sacrificial way. Nothing should impact your husbandry more than the cross of Christ. Now, I can imagine husbands thinking here, I'm willing to die for my wife. Someone came in my house or came through the church doors with a machine gun, I would throw myself in front of that guy, I would throw myself on top of my wife, I would give my life for my wife, and I'm sure most of you men would. But the Apostle Paul is not talking here about a one-time heroic deed. When he says to husbands, love your wives, he changes the verb tense. From an heiress, a past reference to Christ's death, he changes it now, speaking to husbands, love your wives, he puts it into an active imperative. What is he telling us? You are to continually love your wife. This isn't a one-time thing. You are to love her this way every day. You are to love your wife as Christ did on that cross. You are to love her that way every day of your life. And that can express itself in a million different ways. But one thing is for certain. It requires self-denial. To love your wife means you're going to have to pick up a few nails and bang them into your flesh. The flesh of self-interest, self-indulgence, self-pity, self-gratification, self-fulfillment, self-esteem. A lot of self, isn't there? And you are to give yourself to another kind of self-giving, selflessness, self-losing, self-giving, self-sacrifice. I wonder how many men ever put on an engagement ring, ever said, will you marry me? And went on a honeymoon thinking of the cross. Thinking of those six hours, that Jesus hung on that cross and gave himself for his bride. Most of us, if we're honest, I think, we started marriage with a very, very, very, very superficial subjective view of love. Physical attraction, sexual satisfaction, feelings were on the top of the list. Not commitment, not sacrifice. Most people stay married as long as the marriage makes them happy. It's called the consumeristic view of love. It's really the most popular view of love. It fits well with the consumer mentality of America. What it means is that I love you and I'm here with you as long as you please me. But once you become old, outdated, don't function the way I think you should function, I'm going shopping for a new one. A new wife. A new marriage. Some people got to the church, a new church. Someone younger. Someone prettier. Someone more compatible. That's not the love Jesus is talking about here. It's a committed love. It's a sacrificial love. It doesn't leave when things get tough. I told you this story before, not so long ago, but you've heard it. Some of you, I'm sure. B.B. Warfield, the renowned theologian who taught at Princeton Seminary for almost 34 years. On his honeymoon, that's right, on his honeymoon at the age of 25, he married a woman named Annie Kincaid. They took a honeymoon to Germany during a furious storm. Annie was struck by lightning and permanently paralyzed. Permanently paralyzed. On their honeymoon. He cared for her for 39 years. She was laid to rest in 1915. And because of her extraordinary needs, Warfield seldom left his home for more than two hours at a time. That's Christ-like love. That's sacrificial love. That's a man keeping his vows for better or for worse. We are to love our wives as Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? Well, He loved her graciously. He loved her realistically. He loved the church sacrificially and selflessly. But thirdly, we can say this, Christ loved the church particularly and exclusively. Particularly and exclusively. In talking about the love of husbands for their wives Every husband should love their wife. They should model their love or pattern their love after Christ's love for this church. Notice the Apostle Paul makes it very clear here that Christ's love was a particular love, or you could call it exclusive love, or you could even call it a discriminating love. Look what he says. He limits or particularizes Christ's church. He loves the church. The church is not everybody. The church consists of regenerate people. The church has been chosen from all eternity. The church are those who have been brought to faith and repentance. Those are the ones who were added to the church in the book of Acts. Jesus laid down His life for His wife, for His church, for His bride. It was a particular love. And just as Christ's love is particularized, or is exclusively applied, so must a husband's love be particularized. Ephesians 5, verse 25. Husbands are to love their wives, not somebody else's wife. Again, verse 33. Each of you love his wife. singular. There's only one person who is your wife. And throughout the scriptures you find this particularism when it comes to God's salvation, but also when it comes to marriage. The husband is commanded to be faithful to the wife of his youth. Malachi 2.14, when it comes to the intimacy of the sexual relationship, It's an exclusive relationship. Proverbs 5. Drink water from your own cistern. Flowing water from your own well. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. When the Apostle Paul tells Timothy what the kind of men that are to hold leadership in the church of Christ is about a husband who is husband of one wife. something that could refer to men who had been married to more than one wife. It's a possibility, but I think he's really saying he must be a man who is exclusively loyal and committed to one woman. Literally, that's how it's translated, a one-woman man. A one-woman man. And if you are a one-woman man, if you are convinced that you are to be, as Christ is to His bride, a one-woman man, then you will be determined to protect your relationship by pulling out weeds and setting up hedges. Pulling out weeds and setting up hedges. That means you cut off all emotional ties to old girlfriends. That means you seek to root out all recollections from your memory of past relationships. That means you never give your wife cause to think there's another woman in your life that holds your affections or is part of your dream. That means you guard your heart from the comparison trap. You don't allow your heart or your lips to compare your wife with other wives. You don't go down that dangerous road. It's the trap of envy which often is a pathway to another trap called adultery. The one woman man seeks measures to protect his marriage and that exclusive relationship with his wife. He takes the wise counsel of Solomon, Proverbs 4. He guards his heart with all diligence. He follows the example of the patriarch Job. He makes a covenant with his eyes. He well understands the words of our Lord and the extreme measures when he said, whosoever lusts after another woman commits adultery in his heart. That might mean you take radical measures to restrict your ability as to what you see on a computer screen. Loving your wife is costly. Christ loved his church, his wife exclusively. Exclusively. And we are to have an exclusive, loyal love for our wives. We have to love our wives as Christ loved the church. What will that entail? What will that involve? Will it remain husband? You will love your wife graciously. You will love your wife sacrificially. You will love your wife exclusively. Now let me just conclude with three very brief applications, gentlemen. Let me just say three things. If this is all true, then what does this say to us by way of application? Number one, husbands, study the Lord Jesus Christ. Study Him and know Him personally. Know Jesus on an experimental level. It's hard to give what you don't have. It's hard to give something of Christ's love if you don't understand that love, if you don't know that love on an experimental level. You are to love like Christ. And so you need constant supplies of that love from Christ. You need to know Christ. That's why you need to read your Bibles. You need to find Christ in your Bibles. He's everywhere. You should be able to use the personal pronouns. that Paul could use, he loved me and gave himself for me. That's the first thing. Experience the love of Christ yourself. Bathe your soul in the love of Christ. Second, application. Seek to grow in your love for your wife. If you're a Christian, you love your wife. You couldn't be a Christian if you don't. You are to love even your enemies. You are to love your neighbors. You are to love your wives. But we as husbands need to learn how to grow in our love for our wives. Love is a growing grace. Remember what Paul could say to the Thessalonians. He was so thankful that they had grown in their love. And we are to grow in our love for our wives. Now, we will never, ever, ever love our wives like Christ loved the church. Not to that degree. It was that perfect love. It was an infinite love. But that means there's always room to grow, isn't there? There's a story told of a man who went to his pastor for counsel, and the man asked the pastor, he said, I have a problem. And the pastor said, well, what's your problem? He said, well, I love my wife too much. And the pastor said, well, do you love her as much as Christ loved the church? He said, no, I don't love her that much. He said, then you don't love your wife too much. None of us will ever, ever, ever, ever arrive. We can always grow. And we can always ask God for more love for our wives. Isn't that what a true disciple wants? He wants to grow into likeness to Christ. He wants to be like Christ. He wants to be a follower of Christ. That's what a true disciple is. He's a learner. Here's a great subject to learn. How to love. How to love my wife more and more. So husband, in terms of practical applications, when you are called to love your wife, as Christ loved the church, that will mean you have to know the love of Christ yourself. That means you will pray to learn how more to love your wife. And then thirdly, prioritize your love for Christ. Prioritize your love for Christ. Jesus says, you have to love me more than anybody else. He says that. He says, more than the dearest of family members, more than your children, more than your husband, more than your wife, you have to love me first and foremost. Your love for me has to take priority. Now that might not make Some ladies feel all that comfortable. He loves Christ more than me. Yes, he does. He should. And really, ladies, it's a win-win situation. When your husband is giving priority to Christ, that's the best thing for your marriage. If a husband prioritizes his relationship with Christ, And it will often manifest itself in his relationship to Christ's church, by the way, because the church is the body of Christ. If a husband prioritizes his relationship with Jesus Christ, it will only make for a better marriage. If love for Christ is his greatest passion, there will be a trickle-down effect. It will evidence itself in His love for your children and for you. The more He loves Christ, the more He will love you. Because He's seeking to be like Christ, and Christ loved the church. When Jesus Christ is not prioritized in a marriage, the marriage suffers. Christian men who fall into adultery, and they are falling into adultery by the thousands, who indulge pornography, who go for a sinful divorce, and I make a distinction between a righteous divorce and a sinful divorce. But Christian men can fall into adultery They can indulge pornography and they can go for a sinful divorce and that is all evidence that they've lost their first love. Husband's love for his wife and his love for Christ stand and fall together. More love to Christ. More love for your wife. That's how it works. Here's the best way to protect your marriage, husbands. Maintain, cultivate your love for Jesus Christ. Treasure Christ more than you treasure anybody else. Make Christ your priceless treasure your greatest pleasure. And just one final word. If you're not a Christian, most people, almost everyone would say, I want a good marriage. I want a better marriage. That's why people run the seminars. That's why they buy all the books that are on the bookshelves about having a better marriage and all the how-to ways in which you can have a better marriage. But here's the better way. Here's the sure way. It starts with Christ. knowing Him, knowing Christ. You could say that every one of us who is a sinner has a problem, a perverted love affair. Lovers of self, lovers of money, and lovers of pleasure. And all of those love affairs are sinful and damaging and enslaving. There's only one real love affair that liberates you. And that's a love affair with Jesus Christ. He has to become the greatest love in your life. You have to put trust in Him. If He's ever to become all that He should be in your life, you have to put faith in Christ. And no one, no one wants more than Jesus Christ. He loved the church. and He gave Himself for her. What love! Father in Heaven, we thank You again for Your Holy Word, for its clarity, for its sufficiency, for its practicality, Help us, Lord, to embrace it. We must confess these things are far beyond what anyone has by way of human strength and ability. We can't do this on our own. We need your grace. We need your example. We need to constantly go to that fountain for cleansing. But help us, Lord. Forgive us. Wash us. Cleanse us. but help us to take more to heart what you expect us to be as husbands. For any of the young men here this morning who are not yet married, may you drive this home to their conscience. May they be very honest and realistic about what marriage should be. Help them, Lord, as well, that one day you would provide for them a godly wife, and they would love her as Christ loved the church. And we pray this in Christ's name. Amen.