In Christ, wrote Paul, there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3 verses 26 to 28. Here Paul is dealing with our spiritual position as Christians. In God's sight we are all one. In fact we are already glorified. Romans 8 verses 29 and 30. For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover, whom he did predestinate, them he also called. And whom he called, them he also justified. And whom he justified, them he also glorified." From God's viewpoint, we are already in heaven. This is why Jesus Christ stated that there will be no marriage in heaven. Sex distinctions are eliminated. but the Bible also recognizes the fact that practically speaking we're still involved in the process we are still victims of space and time and though we are free from the power of sin it is still present in the world and it is still operative in our hearts even as Christians for example in this same passage Paul wrote there is neither slave nor free from the perspective of eternity Yet the Bible clearly recognizes that a slave in the New Testament world was not yet free from the effects of sin. The same is true of all human beings in all human relationships including marriage. The challenge of the New Testament is day by day to become more and more like Jesus Christ until we are no longer in process but with him in glory. And when it comes to marriage in Christ there is a certain restoration with great potential A Christian husband and wife have the opportunity to experience a unity and oneness that can grow constantly deeper and more meaningful day by day. Spiritually there is once again total equality, but functionally man is still recognized as the head and the woman is to submit to his authority. Sin has not yet been eradicated, but in Christ if a husband and wife continually and regularly fulfill their God-ordained roles, they have the potential to experience a foretaste of heaven on this side of glory this of course represents the ideal but because of sin Paul had to exhort husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church Ephesians 5 25 husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it and he had to exhort wives to submit as the church is to submit to Christ Ephesians 5 verses 22 to 24 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. But for those who take the word of God seriously, there is little need to continually repeat these exhortations. In fact, couples can actually experience on a day-to-day basis oneness and unity that leads to consensus and benefits. Let me add a personal illustration. Though marriage for my wife and I has certainly had its shares of difficulties, we have attempted to obey God in these matters. And upon reflection, we can think of only one occasion when I had to overrule my wife in a decision. In all other significant decisions, we have come to a consensus through a process of mutual discussion and interaction. Furthermore, I have never to my knowledge ever viewed my wife as an inferior personality. Ironically, on the occasion when I did overrule Elaine, I can see now that if I had been more perceptive and sensitive, In short, spiritually and psychologically mature, I would not have had to make the decision I did. If I had to do it over again, I would accept her feelings in the matter. But this only illustrates, of course, why God had to lay down these regulations. We are still not glorified, and even though we are attempting to live for Jesus Christ, there are times when our old nature gets in the way. And I must also add that after years of marriage counseling, I have observed that not all married women are as sensitive as my wife in desiring to do the will of God. New Heading A Personal or Group Project The following personal project is designed to help you evaluate your personal situation as a wife, or if single, your future situation and to be able to obey the biblical injunction to be submissive and yet to understand the total context of scriptural teaching regarding this matter. The following case studies will help you gain insight. Jane is married to a Christian man and she feels he is unreasonable in his demands regarding keeping up the house. She believes he is unrealistic regarding neatness, especially since they have small children. She feels she has tried hard to please her husband but he is never satisfied. He rides her constantly about the matter and she is developing deep feelings of resentment. How would you advise Jane in this matter? Diane is frustrated with the sexual part of her marriage. She reports that her husband's sexual demands are too great. For her, submission has not solved the problem. She reports that the more she is available, the more demands he puts upon her. Consequently, she is becoming angry and resentful. She admits that she now withdraws and avoids the situation which makes matters worse. How would you advise Diane? Mary reports that her husband is highly threatened by any kind of dialogue and discussion. If she expresses her opinion, he feels she is not being submissive. Consequently, she is harboring some deep feelings of resentment. How would you advise Mary to resolve that problem? Note. write out several other case studies that reflect realistic situations and discuss their possible solutions in the light of the biblical perspective just presented page 151 chapter 14 a gentle and quiet spirit your beauty should not come from outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes instead it should be that of your inner self the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God's sight. 1 Peter 3 verses 3 and 4. The general trend of culture from time immemorial has always run counter to the Apostle Peter's description of a beautiful woman in 1 Peter 3 verses 3 and 4. Should you doubt this observation, the backdrop of the present American society serves as a vivid illustration and reminder of this reality. To be popular and attractive today, a woman must be sexy and sensual. And our 20th century media techniques are uniquely designed to exploit this mania, particularly in the field of advertising. A woman's physical attributes are used to sell most everything. In this particular passage of scripture, Peter emphasized purity and reverence among women as a mark of beauty and attractiveness. 1 Peter 3 verse 2 which says, While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Our present society emphasizes impurity and irreverence. Peter also emphasized inner qualities as a mark of attractiveness and real beauty. 1 Peter 3 verse 4 says, But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. Our modern society emphasizes external qualities. Finally, Peter emphasized a gentle and quiet spirit, whereas the modern liberation movement particularly advocates the opposite. New Heading External Beauty At this juncture, it is important to clarify one very significant point. External beauty, per se, is not sinful. In fact, God created woman for man. 1 Corinthians 11 verse 9 neither was the man created for the woman but the woman for the man as mentioned in the very beginning of this book God uniquely designed woman to be sexually attractive furthermore God certainly is not opposed to women making themselves externally beautiful to conclude from this passage of scripture in Peter's epistle as some Christians do that in itself it is wrong to wear jewelry that it is worldly and sinful for a woman to fix her hair attractively and to wear beautiful clothes is to miss the whole point. What the scriptures are teaching, particularly in this passage, is that there is something far more basic to external beauty in attracting and impressing men, even unsaved husbands. This is why Peter wrote, Wives, be submissive to your husbands, so that if any of them do not believe the word, They may be won over without talk by the behavior of their wives. Then Peter states how this can be done. When they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 1 Peter 3 verses 1 and 2. Among other things, Peter is dealing with the concept of sexual purity in this passage, which he closely correlates with his emphasis on internal beauty, a gentle and quiet spirit. No doubt many of these New Testament Christian women found it easy to slip back into some of their old pagan habits of trying to attract men other than their legal husbands by means of external beauty, outward adornment such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Verse 3. This became the means to an immoral end. But there is also a significant point here for Christian women who are faithful to their husbands. External beauty is important to a man. It is not wrong to use it as a means of pleasing the man you truly love and are committed to in a legal marriage. For abundance of evidence, for this fact, read the Song of Solomon. But the fact remains that physical beauty alone will never endure as a means of pleasing a husband. In fact, without inner beauty, which Peter defines as a gentle and quiet spirit, external beauty quickly becomes superficial. It may achieve certain goals for a brief time in the bedroom, But it is inner beauty that attracts and endures and wins respect over the years. Furthermore, it is inner beauty that makes external qualities even more attractive. A new heading, gentleness. As with submission and purity, a gentle and quiet spirit is not exclusively required of women, particularly the characteristic of gentleness. In fact, Jesus, one day as he taught the crowds on the mountainside, enumerated a number of Christian qualities. Among them was gentleness. Blessed are the meek, the gentle, he explained, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5, 5. Jesus exemplified this quality in his own life when he fulfilled an Old Testament prophecy and rode into Jerusalem astride a donkey. See your king comes to you, proclaimed the prophet Zechariah, gentle and riding on a donkey. Matthew 21, verse 5. That day the Lord of the Universe appeared as the gentle Jesus. Paul particularly exhorted all Christians to exemplify this quality in their lives. He designated gentleness as reflecting the fruit of the Spirit. Galatians 5 verses 22 and 23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, self-control. Against such there is no law. To the Ephesian Christians he wrote, Be completely humble and gentle. Ephesians 4 verse 2. Likewise he exhorted the Colossians to clothe themselves with gentleness. Colossians 3.12 says, Put on therefore as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, long-suffering. Twice Paul encouraged Timothy to be always gentle. Pursuit wrote Paul in his first letter, and even when Timothy faced those who opposed him, he was to gently instruct, trusting that God would give them a change of heart, leading them to a knowledge of the truth. 1 Timothy 6.11 says, But thou, O man of God, flee these things, and follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, meekness. 2 Timothy 2.25 in meekness instructing those that oppose themselves if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth there is no question that gentleness is a mark of Christian maturity for all Christians and in all relationships but in a special sense it is a quality for Christian women especially as it is associated with the related quality of quietness furthermore quietness among women is frequently associated in scripture with the quality of submission, not only in the passage in Peter's epistle, where he uses the word submission twice, but also in the writings of Paul. 1 Timothy 2.11 says, Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. 1 Peter 3.1 Likewise ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the behavior of the wives. And verse 5, For after this manner in the old time, the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands. 1 Corinthians 14.34 Let your women keep silence in the churches, for it is not permitted unto them to speak, but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. Communication, per se, is not the basic issue in the scriptures on being quiet. Rather, quietness or silence, as it is often translated, refers to the spirit in which a woman communicates. Peter called this a gentle spirit, a quiet spirit. Personally, I believe quietness is related to her very God-created nature, and in turn appeals to the God-created nature in man. When she violates this principle, it causes a negative reaction from the average man, and interestingly, other women. In fact, some women react more negatively against a loud and boisterous woman than they do some men. On occasions, we've all seen women violate this biblical principle in a public situation. In one instance, a husband and his wife were making application for their license plates. As usual, people by the scores were lined up waiting. For some reason, this couple was having difficulty securing legal permission for some particular need. Suddenly, the woman burst forth with a volley of vulgar oaths that would have made an old sea captain blush. Everyone in the place could hear and see what was happening. The husband, literally and spontaneously, and without premeditation, looked for a place to hide. Unfortunately, there wasn't any. If he could have found a hole in the floor, he would have, without hesitation, dropped out of sight. It was really a rather pathetic scene. On another occasion, we were watching a Little League football game in which our son was participating. The opposing team, which was losing, was coached by a woman who didn't hesitate to let her little charges know what she thought of their inadequate performance. As my wife and I stood on the sidelines with the parents of both teams and watched and listened, a very interesting phenomenon unfolded before our eyes. One by one, the parents of our team, including us, began to move to the other side of the field. We can only speculate why this happened. They must have been feeling the same emotional reactions we were. Embarrassment for her, the boys, and their parents. Elaine and I have reflected on this experience in conjunction with the subject of this chapter, A Gentle and Quiet Spirit. Our conclusion is that the main issue or the problem was not that a woman was coaching a football team. Rather, it was her tone of voice her attitude, her communication techniques, and within us and many others, rolled up negative emotions and negative reactions. We realize, of course, that some people would classify our conclusion as being culturally conditioned, and we immediately acknowledge this is probably true to a certain extent. However, we believe it is more than that. We believe our feelings relate to a God-created difference in men and women, People are naturally attracted to a gentle and quiet spirit in a woman, and embarrassed in some instances, repulsed, by a loud and unfeminine demonstration. True, a loud, boisterous and insensitive man is also repulsive, but a woman more so. Thus the Apostle Peter exhorts women to demonstrate a gentle and quiet spirit, thereby showing internal beauty that is attractive to others, particularly to non-Christian husbands. To demonstrate the super-cultural nature of these qualities, Peter illustrated his point by referring to the way the holy women of the past used to make themselves beautiful. Specifically, the Apostle mentions Sarah, Abraham's wife, who exemplified submission with her purity, her reverence, and her gentle and quiet spirit. 1 Peter 3, verses 5 and 6. For after this manner in the old time, the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorn themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands, even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any fear. New Heading A Personal or Group Project Step A. Run a check on yourself to determine how you sound to others. Following are some suggestions. 1. Ask your husband and children to give you feedback. If single, ask some of your closest friends. Be specific. Ask them to honestly tell you how you sound in certain situations. When you want something done around the house. When a meal is ready to be served. When you are frustrated and angry. When you are tired. Note, this is a threatening experience. But if you follow through as objectively as possible, you'll discover information that will help you to become a more mature and godly woman. Remember, you cannot change something unless you know exactly what bothers others. Number two. If the previous suggestion creates too much anxiety, begin the process by evaluating yourself. You might set up a small tape recorder in the vicinity of your regular activities. During certain times when you face the most stress and frustration, Turn it on and record your reactions. Later on, listen to see how you sound. Note, knowing you are recording your own voice will motivate you to be more composed. Try to ignore this tendency and react as you normally do. Try to forget that the tape recorder is going. Remember, this alternative suggestion is not the most effective method you can use. It involves too many subjective variables. However, it is a good stepping stone to direct communication. Use it as a means to another end to interact with and gain feedback from those who are closest to you. Step B. Once you gain sufficient data to evaluate the way others see and hear you, isolate your most vulnerable moments. Are there any observable patterns? Is it when you are tired? When you are under undue pressure? At a certain time of the month? At mealtime? etc. Note, some people develop bad vocal habits. For example, a woman who was reared in a home where her mother was loud and boisterous tends to develop the same vocal qualities. This can be changed, but it takes conscious and persistent effort. Note too that a woman's voice can be far more shrill, cutting and irritating than a man's, simply because of the innate pitch. A woman naturally speaks an octave higher than a man, which makes her more vulnerable to unpleasant communication. Step C. If necessary, outline a program for change. For example, the following suggestions will help you. Number 1. If there are noticeable periods of time when you violate Peter's principle, attempt to be on guard ahead of time. Number 2. If married, ask your husband and children to help you accomplish your goals. Ask for their understandings and prayers. Number three, consciously attempt to view frustrating situations as opportunities to maintain control in your communication. How you perceive the situation often helps you to avoid slipping into certain habitual reactions. Number four, if your bad vocal qualities are a result of learning and bad habits, seek help from a speech specialist, someone who can work with you and give you some helpful suggestions. Step D, Memorize the following scriptures and have them available in your mind for meditation and motivation to do the will of God. A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15 verse 1 A soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit. Proverbs 15 4 Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16 24. This is the end of the book. This Reformation audio track is a production of Stillwater's Revival Books. SWRB makes thousands of classic Reformation resources available, free and for sale, in audio, video, and printed formats. Our many free resources, as well as our complete mail-order catalog, Thank you. at SWRB at SWRB.com by phone at 780-450-3730 by fax at 780-468-1096 or by mail at 4710-37A Avenue Edmonton that's E-D-M-O-N-T-O-N Alberta abbreviated capital A capital B Canada T6L3T5. You may also request a free printed catalog. And remember that John Kelvin, in defending the Reformation's regulative principle of worship, or what is sometimes called the scriptural law of worship, commenting on the words of God, which I commanded them not, neither came into my heart, from his commentary on Jeremiah 731, writes, God here cuts off from men every occasion for making evasions. since he condemns by this one phrase, I have not commanded them, whatever the Jews devised. There is then no other argument needed to condemn superstitions than that they are not commanded by God. For when men allow themselves to worship God according to their own fancies, and attend not to His commands, they pervert true religion. And if this principle was adopted by the Papists, all those fictitious modes of worship in which they absurdly exercise themselves would fall to the ground. It is indeed a horrible thing for the Papists to seek to discharge their duties towards God by performing their own superstitions. There is an immense number of them, as it is well known, and as it manifestly appears. Were they to admit this principle, that we cannot rightly worship God except by obeying His word, they would be delivered from their deep abyss of error. The Prophet's words, then, are very important, when he says that God had commanded no such thing, and that it never came to his mind, as though he had said that men assume too much wisdom when they devise what he never required, nay, what he never knew.