It's very simple. Thank you. Let's go back to 2 Corinthians chapter 12 tonight. As the pastor mentioned, and I mentioned this morning, my wife and I hail from the thriving metropolis of liberal Kansas. That is an extreme southwest Kansas. We are in the conservative part of Kansas, thank you. And we are just right down in the corner. The Oklahoma line is one mile south and it is five miles west. I was actually born in Liberal because that was the closest hospital, but I was raised just 10 miles west of there in a little town in Oklahoma, Panhandle, called Tyrone. Now, when I say little, I mean little. I had 18 in my graduating class. We played eight-man football. We only had three people in our quartet. It was a little town. But two families who were faithful, faithful members of Fellowship Baptist Church kept a bus over in our little town. And this was about mid-70s when the bus ministry was really going strong and they would pick up, it would be nothing for them to pick up 40 kids. from our little town, and I happened to be one of those. Two girls that I went to high school with invited me to Fellowship Baptist Church, and I went, and that was in July of 1976. And I got saved on a Wednesday night in September of 1976. And they have never been able to get rid of me. And I have been there, that is the only church I've ever known in my life. I'm telling the folks this weekend, neither my wife nor I come from Christian homes. Both sets of our parents were alcoholics, so we really weren't exposed. to anything spiritual at all. We both got saved because people cared enough about us to invite us to church. And so don't ever think that your invitation to somebody to come to Cleveland Baptist Church is for naught. because it's not. And so I hope that you will continue to reach out to folks who you work with, who you live by, who you come in contact with at the restaurant or convenience store or wherever you may be, and let them know that there's a good church with good ministry and you're a part of it and you want them to come. and to be a part of it as well. Brother Folger, thank you for letting Katie and I be a part of the ministry here this weekend. We so appreciate everything that you have done for us. And we will fly back to Wichita tomorrow and drive the three and a half hours west to Liberal, feeling that we have made some new friends, for sure. Absolutely, no doubt about that. And I hope you feel the same, or at least somewhat the same. We have just really, really enjoyed our time here. Now, if you were here this morning, then you know that I preached the first part of this message already. If you were involved maybe in children's ministry or security, wherever, and you weren't able to hear that, I'm sure you can listen online at some point if you choose to. So tonight is obviously going to be part two. I've often said this about grief. Grief is something that from the outside looking in can't possibly be understood. And at the same time, from the inside looking out, it's something that can't possibly be explained. As one writer said, grief is a world of its own. It's a country, really, and I'm a new immigrant inside it. And like any other country, you have to learn the laws, the rules, the physics, and it's a learning curve. So there's good days and bad days. And man, is he right. There are good days and there are bad days. We're going to get to the second part of the message in just a minute or two, but I want to share this with you real quick. I have been giving thought over the last little while about compiling a list of do's and don'ts to try and offer some help to those who desire to come alongside the grieving. So I sat down a little bit last night and again all afternoon and what I'm gonna share with you real quick, it's not a complete list by any means. And this won't be on the screen. I didn't have time to get it to the guys today. But I just want to give you a few things to think about real quick as we encounter folks who are grieving the loss of someone or whatever the cause of their grief may be. Let me just give you some quick things to think about. Number one, don't be afraid to talk to those who are walking through grief. What they're going through is not contagious. Listen, they don't expect you to have words that are going to fix everything and make everything okay. They know better than that. But they do appreciate your acknowledgement of their grief. Number two, don't compare your loss to theirs. I was preaching in Texas, it was toward the first of the year. Had a gentleman come up to me out in the foyer after the service and he put his hand on my shoulder and he looked at me and he said, I'm gonna one-up you on your grief. That was my reaction. It's like, do what? I didn't realize that we were in a competition here when it comes to grief. As much as our loss may have hurt, we should not minimize the hurts of others in any way. Number three, stay in touch with them. The grieving process will continue long after the funeral is over and the cards and the flowers have stopped. You know, it's so easy for us to love on people and share our concern for them and do what we can to help them immediately following their loss. But understand this tonight, even though you have gone on with your life, their life is still in a shambles. So as you think of them, let them know. Shoot them a text, write them an email, give them a call, and just let them know that you're still thinking about them, and you're still praying for them. I mentioned this this morning that certain times and certain days of the year will be particularly hard for your grieving friend or your grieving family members. Talking about holidays and birthdays and anniversaries. Those points in time often reawaken grief. So be sensitive on those occasions. Here's what I encourage you to do, and I've done this myself with some folks that we've encountered along the way in our journey over the last few years. I have put some reminders in my phone of some anniversaries of different folks who've died. And I do my best on those days or just prior to those days to reach out to those folks, whether they're in Texas or South Carolina or North Carolina or Florida or wherever they might be, just to let them know, hey, I haven't forgotten about you. I'm going to pray a little extra for you today. I know that today's going to be a hard day. I know that tomorrow's going to be a hard day. And I just want you to know, you've got a friend in Kansas who hadn't forgotten about you. And I tell you, that will help immensely. When people get that and they're reminded, man, I've got people who haven't forgotten about me. Folks who I know love me. And then number four, and this is a pretty big one. Don't ask what you can do for them. Just do it. Just do it. It's difficult for many grieving people to ask for help. You know, it was especially difficult for our family because for all of those years, we had helped others. We were the ministers. We were the helpers. We were the folks that came alongside. And then all of a sudden, with one phone call, we found ourselves in need of help, in need of folks to come alongside us and walk with us. And I'll be honest, it was a hard moment for us, because that's not who we are. We're used to being on the other side. So again, grieving people sometimes find it hard to ask for help. And there could be any number of reasons for that. I jotted down a few. They might feel guilty. about receiving so much attention. They may fear being a burden to others. And quite honestly, they just may be too depressed to reach out. As well-meaning as it sounds, the question, is there anything I can do for you often creates more work for a person who is already exhausted with grief. Does that make sense? The better approach is to just act. Just show up with your lawnmower and your weed eater and your edger and get to work. Just show up with your shovel or your snowblower and go to work. If you're about to go to the grocery store or wherever it is you're gonna go and get groceries or snods and ends, just give them a quick call or send them a text, say, listen, I'm going to the store, is there anything I can get you? Offer to take their children to school or wherever they need to go and bring them home. Maybe you let them know, hey, I'm cooking chicken and noodles or whatever for supper. I just want you to know I'm going to bring some by for you and the family tonight. Take their children out to do special things with you and with your children. So don't put it on them to try to tell you what can be done. Just take the initiative. and just do it. That'll be a big help. Number five, be a good listener. As you spend time with someone who's grieving, what you'll find is that one day they may wanna cry on your shoulder, and the next day they may wanna vent. One day they may wanna sit in silence, and the next day they may wanna talk for hours, just sharing memories. By being present and compassionately listening, you can take your cues from the grieving person. Let them dictate what your actions and your responses are going to be. But I tell you this, simply being there and listening to them can be a huge source of comfort and healing. And then let me say this, don't be afraid of the silence. It's okay. If you sit there with them for 15 or 20 or 30 minutes and neither of you say a word, that's okay. I know it's a little awkward, but listen, it's okay. They don't want to talk. And they don't want you to talk. They're just glad you're there. So many times your presence, listen, your presence, is more helpful than your words. And then number six, don't judge. Everyone grieves differently. Grief does not always unfold in orderly, predictable stages. I know that they talk about the stages of grief as if if you can get to this stage, then you've won. It's over. It's done. You're the victor. But here's what I found true in my own life. Grief can be an emotional roller coaster. You've got ups. and you've got downs, and then you work your way back up, and then you work your way back down. I don't see it as stages. It's something I can attain to. Grief is unpredictable. It has its unpredictable ups and downs and setbacks. and avoid telling the bereaved person what he or she should be feeling or should be doing. Because there is no cut and dried anything about grief. It's just not. And then number seven, I was talking to some folks this morning about this. This is, This is the natural question. It really is. And maybe you've never thought about this. I had never thought about this. But don't ask the grieving person how they're doing. Depending on who you are to them and how they're feeling at the moment, you may not be prepared for the answer. You may get everything from, I'm good, I'm fine, to a harsh, a stern look and a harsh, how do you think I'm doing? I just lost my son for crying out loud. A better approach would be to just let them know you're praying for them and that you're available if they need to talk. And I've often told people that. There have been times when people that are very close to me and people that I have the utmost trust in, there have been times I've been very honest with them. And I've told them how I felt. And then there have been other people who meant well that I really don't know very well and said, I'm good. So no doubt that list, that's just a few things that no doubt that list will grow and be refined as time goes on. They're just some preliminary thoughts, maybe just something for you to think about along the way. Let's begin reading in verse seven tonight. Of course, verses one through six of 2 Corinthians 12, Paul talks about some incredible revelations that he was privileged to have. And then he begins this in verse seven, and lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure. For this thing, this thorn in the flesh, I besought the Lord thrice, three times, that it might depart from me. And he said unto me, my grace is sufficient for thee, for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake, for when I am weak, then am I strong. Let's review real quick what we talked about this morning. First of all, we learned that we don't have to get over a grievous loss. As a matter of fact, we can't get over it. And besides that, God doesn't require us to get over it. The concept of getting over it is a misleading and empty expectation. As I said this morning, we get over breaks and sprains. We don't get over amputations. The second thing we learn is that we can get through it. Now that doesn't mean that we just shut the door behind us and do our best to pretend the pain away. That's not what I'm talking about. But it does mean that there will come a time, by God's grace, that we will come to accept the horrible event that has brought us so much grief and sorrow. And we'll find the strength to move forward in life despite the loss and pain. And then the third thing that we talked about is how God can use our pain or use pain for our good and His glory. And then I wanna talk about a fourth thing tonight, but before we get there, it was pointed out to me this evening, and actually I thought about this this afternoon as I was back at the hotel. I never told you how our son died. It was just a freak accident. He was working on his pickup in the driveway, and nobody else was at home, and we really don't know what happened. We're not sure what happened, but from all indications, he died instantly. His mother-in-law found him, called 911, and obviously the rest is history. And so that is a mystery to us, but that's what we know. So let's pick it up tonight with this thought, number four. God is sovereign. Now listen, we don't need to be afraid of the doctrine of the sovereignty of God. It's in the Bible. It is who He is. God is sovereign, and here's what that means. It means that He has the power, wisdom, and authority to do or allow anything He chooses with His creation. Let me say that again. It means that He has the wisdom and the power and the authority to do or allow anything He chooses with His creation. The fact that God is sovereign means that He's free to do whatever He wants to do. It means that He has the right to deal with us any way He chooses. The fact that God is sovereign means that He doesn't have to treat us like He treats our neighbors. It means that He doesn't have to treat us today like He treated us yesterday. And the fact that God is sovereign, and this is a big one, it means that He is not, listen church, He is not obligated to live up to our expectations or to explain Himself. He's God. He's the creator. We are the creation. You parents understand this. You tell your children to do something, and they ask you why, and what's the answer? Because I said so. Because I'm your mother. Because I'm your father. What are you saying? You're saying, I'm your sovereign right now. I'm the authority. I have the right to do that. And it's the same way with God, except God's perfect. No, we're not. And sometimes parents, we make mistakes because we are fallible, but God's not. As we look back at our text, Paul knew that at some level, this thorn, whatever it was, came as Satan's attack. The messenger of Satan to buffet me is how Paul referred to it. But he also recognized that in a larger sense, what came into his life could only be allowed by God. Thus the word given In our text, there was given unto me a thorn in the flesh. It was given him through God's permission. It wasn't just a stroke of bad luck. It wasn't luck at all. It wasn't happenchance. It wasn't fate. It was by divine design. Now I understand this, and I'm sure you already do. The truth of God's sovereignty is not something that you want to share with someone right off the bat. I mean, you don't want to come to them and launch into this explanation of God's sovereignty, and He's God, and He's the Creator, and we're the creation. It's like, dude, you need to back up, or I'm going to throat punch you. Listen, I believe these things. I wouldn't preach them if I didn't believe that God is sovereign. But that's not something that I would have wanted to hear from someone immediately upon our son's death. Yeah, I get that. I know that. I understand that. But right now, I don't want to deal with that. But I do believe the sooner we can come to grips with these truths, the better. And here's why. Because tragedy will challenge everything that you have ever believed about God. And if you've never been there, you may struggle a little bit tonight with believing that, because I am rock solid, I know what I believe about God, and I understand all of that. But I'm gonna tell you, listen to me tonight, when tragedy strikes, truths that you assumed that you stood firmly on. I'm talking simple truths like God is good, and God is faithful. and God cares for me, all of a sudden feel questionable. But if you have grounded your faith and belief in the Bible, though your whole world may change, The truth about God and who He is will not change. And that may be the only stable thing that you have in your life at that point in time. And it will be your firm foundation even in the worst of storms. Listen, God was faithful and good and caring the entire 35 years, two months, and three days before our son died. And He's still all of those things today. Nothing about Him has changed. And nothing about Him will ever change. And I don't say that tonight because I feel it. I say that tonight because I know it. Because there are some days when I don't feel it. It's just not there. Think what you will. I'm just being transparent with you tonight. There are some days I ain't feeling it. But here's what I can do, I can go back to this book. And I can start reading. And it never changes. Amen? It is forever the same. And by the way, the time to get all of this nailed down is right now. before tragedy strikes. Did you get that? Before tragedy strikes. Because if you try to come to grips with who God is in the midst of tragedy, that's going to be like trying to build a tornado shelter in the middle of a tornado. It's too late. We need to get these things nailed down right now. Let's talk about a fifth very important truth tonight, and it's this. It's okay to ask why. Some have been led to believe incorrectly, in my opinion, and I think I can prove it from the Word of God tonight. But for years, we have been told, well, it's wrong to ask why. But I submit to you tonight that God is not put off by our questions. I mean, just think with me tonight, church. David questioned God numerous times in the Psalms when seeking for answers. I preached a message from Psalm 13 a number of times now that I titled, When Darkness Seems to Hide His Face. You can go home, you can read Psalm 13, and here's what you'll find. David questioned God four times in the first two verses. I mean, just start reading through the Psalms and underlining or circling or highlighting or writing down, taking note of how many times David questioned God. He questioned God when he seemed to be distant. He questioned God when he felt like God had forsaken him. He questioned God when he felt like God had forgotten about him. There was even a time when David thought maybe God had fallen asleep. And so he asked Him. He questioned God when he felt like God was hiding from him. He questioned God when he felt like injustice was going to be permitted to go on unpunished. But David is not the only person in the Bible to question God. Moses questioned God in Numbers chapter 11. As did Habakkuk in chapter 1. And Job in chapter 7. The disciples in John chapter 9. And if that's not enough, then just turn to the end of the Gospel of Matthew. In chapter 27, as Jesus hung suspended between heaven and earth, and He looked up to the sky, and He cried out, My God, My God, help me. Why? Why hast Thou forsaken Me? To quote John Kitchen again, I quoted him this morning, but he said this, why is the first and greatest word of the suffering soul? Our why questions allow us to go before our heavenly Father and pour our heart There's a verse in Psalm 142 where David said, I poured out my complaint before the Lord. But all of that being said, let me say this tonight. I believe there is a danger in a persistent focus on why. because the longer our question goes unanswered, and remember, because God is sovereign, he doesn't owe us an explanation. And I've often said this, I'm not even sure, preacher, I'm not even sure if God told me why it happened, it still wouldn't be good enough. It's not like I'm gonna go, oh yeah, that makes sense. It's not going to make sense. He's 35 years old. He has three daughters. Whatever God would say, I'm not sure it would make sense to me. But here's the danger. The longer our question goes unanswered, the more it feeds a sense of entitlement. And as that sense of entitlement grows, It can easily turn to bitterness. Obviously, the subject of bitterness is a whole sermon in and of itself. Let me just offer you a couple of thoughts here on how to keep from getting bitter. First of all, accept what cannot be changed. There's not a person sitting in this auditorium tonight who would not reverse the events of February the 6th, 2018 for us if you could. But you can't. Nobody can. Our son's gone. He's not coming back. And I'll be honest, there was a time there My mind would start wondering and start roaming and thinking, well, maybe he'll call. Maybe he'll call. He's not going to call. He's not going to come walking through the front door. I'll never get another sloppy wet kiss on the top of my bald head and hear the words love you pops. It's not going to happen. And a second thought I'd offer you is this, I worded a little different here than is on the screen. Don't lose sight of what's left by focusing solely on what was lost. Now that's not to suggest that you just forget your friend or you forget your loved one, not at all. In our case, We're not moving on from TJ. We're moving forward with him. He will always be a part of our life. Always. You see, getting through is about reliving the good memories and refusing to let the painful ones drag us down. Sometimes we can let our painful memories so dominate our minds and our viewpoints that our good memories all but disappear as they get tucked away in some dark corner of our minds. So no, this is not about forgetting our son. It's about choosing not to let his death consume us. Because we, listen, we still have our daughter-in-law and those three precious granddaughters. And our son and his wife and their son and our daughter and her husband and our three grandsons who need us. They need us. Allowing ourselves to become consumed by the grief of our loss is going to rob them and others in our lives of the love and the affection and the attention that they need. and that they rightly deserve. Are you tracking with me? Listen, and Katie and I have talked about this. The last thing that we want to happen is for our living children to eventually resent their brother's death because it robbed them of us. The last thing that we want to happen is for our grandchildren to grow up and wonder what happened to Grammy and Papa. Where's Grammy and Papa? How come Papa's always so angry? How come Papa don't want to do anything with us? How come Papa and Grammy never come to visit? We don't ever want that to happen. But it can if we solely focus on what we've lost and forget what's left. Now, I hope you picked up today, we haven't forgotten what we've lost. He's still right here every day, every day. But we've also got some precious grandkids. And man, if we knew they were so awesome, you've heard this before, we'd have had them first. Amen. Because they are awesome. They bring so much joy to our lives. And we wouldn't trade them for anything. And to go to, South Central Kansas and spent a few days with those granddaughters. And God's been so good. They've adjusted so well. And we could not be more thankful for that. Let me give you one more thing and we'll wrap it up tonight. God's grace is sufficient. Not because I say so, because He said so. It's in red letters. My grace is sufficient for thee. The pain of losing our son was greater than anything I can even begin to describe. You couldn't even imagine it unless you've been there. But the help that we have received from the Lord is greater than I can begin to explain. Again, God said to Paul, Paul, my grace is sufficient for thee. And listen, church, I love the word sufficient. Because it means enough. Enough. Always and forever enough. It would be easier to dip a sponge into the Atlantic or the Pacific and soak up all the water than it would be to exhaust God's supply of grace. You could more easily step out your front door in the morning and suck all of the oxygen out of the atmosphere with a straw. than you could ever exhaust God's supply of grace. Tis grace hath brought me safe thus far, and grace will lead me home. When John Newton penned this promise, he did so out of personal experience. His greatest test came the day that he buried his wife, Mary. He loved her dearly and had prayed that his death would precede hers, but his prayer was not answered. On the day that Mary Newton died, John Newton found the strength to preach a Sunday sermon The next day he visited church members, and later he officiated at his wife's funeral. He grieved, but in his grief, he found God's provision. He would later write this, the Bank of England is too poor to compensate for such a loss as mine. But the Lord, the all-sufficient God speaks, and it is done. Let those who know Him and trust Him be of good courage. He can give them strength according to their day. He can increase their strength as their trials increase. And what He can do, He has promised that He will do. If you believe that tonight, say amen. Let's stand to our feet.