All right. Trust. This lesson is called Building and Restoring Trust. Trust can take time to build, right? If someone knocks on your door and they're trying to sell you something, you just don't trust automatically that what they're selling you is real. Trust takes time to build, but it can be shattered in an instant. The more intimate a relationship, the greater the trust should be. However, the more intimate a relationship is, the greater the fracture becomes when trust is broken. What trust is defined by Webster's Dictionary is this, confidence, a reliance or resting of the mind on the integrity, veracity, justice, friendship, or other sound principle of another person. So, trust is built upon our integrity, our commitment, and our reputation. our reputation can precede us before anyone ever has the opportunity to see if our integrity or commitment is in fact trustworthy. Now, just think about certain people, okay? Take a politician. You've never met them, but what's their reputation? pretty much that they're going to find a way to swindle you, that they are disingenuous, that they really don't care about you, right? Politicians have earned that reputation over the years. Now, take a pastor. You hear about a visiting pastor coming in, his reputation precedes him, you're excited to hear him, he comes in and he either meets the expectations that we have for that reputation exceeds them, or like, really? We had someone who had a great reputation of an evangelist, was a church member, coming to our church, this was years ago, and so his reputation was this big, and when he came in, we realized that it was all built upon what he had said, not what others had said about him. and the trust that was given based on a reputation quickly diminished. So reputation is important. Our reputation can earn trust, earn us trust by others even before they know us or it can earn distrust before we have an opportunity to prove that we do have integrity and that we are committed to serving the Lord. I'm going to say something that I've thought long about, and if you disagree with me, before you decide one way or another, I hope you will hear me out first, okay? In our marriage, we can have two reputations. One is the reputation our spouse has about us publicly, and the other is the reputation we have before our spouse privately. Hopefully, they are one and the same, but they can be different. And the reason I say that is because, and I've seen this in marriages, husband and wife act this way when they're in public because they want to give the image that everything is okay. But in private, they're a mess. The wife thinks this about her husband because of the way he acts privately, but when he's in public, he acts a different way. We have to put up or put on a show because we don't want people to think ill of us. So we can have two reputations. However, if we're living in the light, then our reputation will line up so that we truly only have one reputation. But if we have a private reputation that is different than our public reputation, then depending on that difference, there may be a serious heart issue going on. If that is the case, and it is not a good reputation, then we need to change, not for the sake of our reputation, but so that we are showing and modeling the love of Christ to our spouse and to all that we come across. So this morning, we're going to see how a bad reputation earns distrust in the home and that it will take a radical change in our part for our spouse to begin to see that we are different. Now, this may not apply to you. However, take what you learn, and if you can use it to help another marriage, do that. Fixing our reputation, basically, or changing how we are perceived is going to take time and it has to be radical. There are no instant fixes for this. Now, I'm strange, okay, but you all know that. I like chicken noodle soup with rice. Rice and noodles. It's great. instant rice. Now you can either put regular rice in there and boil your Campbell's chicken noodle soup for 30 minutes so the noodles dissolve and then you have chicken rice with goo or you can do like I do and get instant rice and put it in there and by the time the noodles are soft you have your rice that's cooked, you have your noodles that cooked and if you make it like me after about five minutes you have no broth left. It all gets soaked up. Okay? Instant rice is a great thing. Microwaves are a great thing. Drive-thrus are a great thing when you're in a hurry. But there are no instant fixes to character issues. I was wondering how you're going to work that in with the chicken noodle soup story. Yeah. There are no instant fixes, especially if you have earned a bad reputation. You can't just say, well, I've changed. We hear that all the time from people. Well, I've changed. OK. As the old expression goes, the proof is in the pudding. And let's find out over time. So we're going to look at Acts chapter 9. We're going to look at different portions of Acts chapter 9. And in this chapter, we will see that how we live directly impacts the level of trust our spouse has in us, as well as others. So let's start out in verses 1 and 2. Acts chapter 9, verses 1 and 2. But Saul, still breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord, went to the high priest and asked him for letters to the synagogues at Damascus so that if he found any belonging to the way, that is, serving the Lord Jesus Christ, men or women, he might bring them bound to Jerusalem. So Acts chapter 9, what's Acts chapter 9 famous for? Saul's conversion, right? So in order to be converted, you had to be a different way before, right? The early church knew who Saul was, and he had quite the reputation of being ruthless and cruel towards the Lord's people. The early church was what? Do you think they embraced Saul, or were they fearful of Saul? They were fearful, and for a good reason. He earned his reputation. So let me ask you a question. I mentioned this earlier, but what kind of reputation do you have at home? Think about that. what kind of reputation do you have at home? Before your spouse, your spouse-to-be, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your siblings, your children, what kind of reputation do you have at home? Now, I make no secret about it, my kids will tell you this, when they mess up, I will give them that look. And Jonathan's like, I hate that look. But it's just that look where, you know, you just kinda, you get that laser stare that goes right through him. All right? I have that reputation. Probably got it from my dad. I'll blame it on him, okay? We're going to do some blame shifting this morning. No, I'm kidding. But what kind of reputation do you have at home? Remember, I talked about two reputations. So to the Jewish leaders, Saul had a reputation that was quite good. He was doing them a favor. He was doing a good work for them. to the church, Saul's reputation instilled fear in the people of God. So, here's the question. How do you lead at home? Is your wife afraid to share her opinion because she knows you will either reject it, dismiss it like she never said anything, or that you will treat her like she doesn't know or understand much? Ladies, what kind of reputation do you have at home with your husband? Do you make it difficult for him to lead because of how resistant you are? Is he afraid to offer his help, advice, or opinion because he knows that he's just a man who doesn't know a thing? He can barely write his name, most of the time he just signs with an X. I'm being sarcastic there. If he tries to help you, are you overly critical of his effort and work? Both of us, men and women, can be the biggest source of discouragement to our spouse in how we respond to them. Do they give up because we turn them away when they offer their help to us? I can tell you that if I am treated this way enough times, I just stop trying to help and stop offering suggestions. If your reputation causes me to think that I'm just an idiot, then you figure it out on your own because I'm tired of being ignored, treated like I don't know anything, or a rock has more sense than I do. I can't trust that what you will that you will actually listen to me or value my opinion, and that is because of your reputation, and it is a reputation that you have earned over a period of time." Now, saying that, let me make things clear. We don't treat each other that way, okay? I'm not speaking from personal experience. My wife and I don't treat each other like we're both rocks, okay? But I've seen this. What I'm pointing out, what I'm talking about is things that I have seen in other people's marriages. Well, he doesn't know anything. He's just a man. Well, she doesn't get it. She just stays at home all day and does nothing. And so, nobody values each other in the home. But if a person is treated like that enough times, then they have a reputation or they will create a reputation that the other person has earned. It's sort of like the reverse boy who cries wolf, but instead, we try and try and try, no matter what we do, the other person treats us like we're a red-headed stepchild. We just, we're no good. And on the rare occasion they do treat us like we're a real person, or come to us and ask us for our thoughts, we offer nothing because of their reputation. Why are they asking me now? What do they want? Is this a setup? Almost reminds me of my daughter. when she was little. I'm going to call her out. This is being recorded so she'll hate me. She loved candy when she was real little. I mean, she loved candy. And she'd walk up to Joyce and she'd go, hello Miss Joyce. And Joyce would go, hello Mary. She goes, I love you Miss Joyce. I love you too Mary. Do you have any candy One time, she did that to Joyce, and Joyce goes, well, I don't have any with me. It's in the car. And Mary goes, I'll wait. It's a setup. So if you're the kind of person who doesn't value somebody else's opinion, and the one time you ask them, you can't be offended if they don't offer it to you. Because they're going to think, is this a setup? What do they really want? And if you're the person who's always devalued, you're not going to want to give your opinion. What's the point? Are they going to use it to mock me? So you see, unfortunately in marriages, we do things and we create a reputation with our spouse that can be detrimental. and we truly need to value each other because if we're valued in Christ, then we certainly need to be valued in each other. What we need to do then is to make a radical change. And until there is a radical change in you, there will never be a radical change in your marriage or reputation. Now we see this radical conversion take place in Saul's life in verses 3 through 9. And when we read of Saul's encounter with the Lord, we see that it is radical. It is completely radical. But just because there is a radical conversion in Saul's life doesn't mean that his reputation would automatically change with his conversion. Let's look at verses 3 through 9. Bible says, now as he went on his way, he approached Damascus, and suddenly a light from heaven shone around him. And falling to the ground, he heard a voice saying to him, Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me? And he said, who are you, Lord? And he said, I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting. But rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to do. The men who were traveling with him stood speechless, hearing the voice, but not seeing no one. Saul rose from the ground, and although his eyes were opened, he saw nothing. So they led him by the hand and brought him to Damascus. And for three days he was without sight, and neither ate nor drank." I'd say that's pretty radical. Obviously, if you are saved, then you have experienced a radical change. But yet, there are still those who do not see that the parts of your life and my life, for that aspect, that didn't quite line up with the salvation experience we've had, indeed have changed. Sanctification, you can say on one hand, positionally, you are perfect. When you are saved, you are not seen in your sin anymore. But do we still sin after we're saved? Do we still have things that we need to grow and change in? Absolutely. So positionally we're perfect, but practically we're not. There are things that we need to grow and change in. You can be radically saved. Does anyone here have family members who are lost? And when you told them about your salvation experience, what were some of the things that they said? That's just a fad, it'll go away after a while. Really? Why did you do that? I had it in my own life. My mother, who was very hardcore Roman Catholic, well, we fought. We fought good. They were good fights. We threw things at each other, mostly food. She didn't believe the Bible, and I would get frustrated with her. And they thought I would just be a fad. My dad, he swore at me. I don't want to hear it, and swear and go off, or just ignore me. When there's a radical change, people may not believe you, and there has to be a consistency to your Christian life, right? So, there has to be a consistency, but in that, we grow in Christ. I wish sinless perfection were true. I wish that I never sinned after being saved. That would be awesome, wouldn't it? But then you look at it and you say, well, how would I truly understand the grace of God? If it weren't for when I mess up, when I sin, when my thought life isn't right, when my actions aren't right, that God still loves me, still shows me his grace, still gives me forgiveness, and I see his grace to a fuller extent after that time. Well, why do people doubt us when we tell them that we are saved? Sometimes it's fear if we change. People may think we're weak. Maybe we have fears, okay? It could be that we're fearful that people won't believe that we have changed because of how we have been. It could also be shame that holds us back for the way we have been, or it could be fear of losing a relationship that is important to us. And finally, it could be that we're afraid to lose the closest person to us, and that they won't fully understand the wrong that we have done in the past, and now because Christ has forgiven us, we're trying to make it right. We're trying to live a life that's pleasing to God. Now, if you would, skip down to verse 10 in Acts chapter nine. It says, Now there was a disciple at Damascus named Ananias the Lord said to him in a vision Ananias and he said here I am Lord and the Lord said to him rise and go to the street called straight and at the house of Judas look for a man of Tarsus named Saul for behold he is praying and he has seen a vision of a man named Ananias come in and lay his hands on him so that he might regain his sight now remember Reputation sometimes precedes. Just because you say you're something doesn't mean anything. And our reputation can be something that instills fear in others. And our reputation should never instill fear in our home. Maybe the fear of God in the aspect of wanting to serve the Lord, but who we are should never instill fear. So what does Ananias say? Lord, I have heard from many about this man. how much evil he has done to your saints at Jerusalem. And here he has authority from the chief priest to bind all who call on your name." Saul is a changed man, right? But because of his reputation, Ananias doesn't trust him. Trust is not just automatically given. Trust is earned. He even questions the Lord. Lord, I've heard from many about this man. how much evil he has done to your saints at Jerusalem. And here he has the authority from the chief priest to bind all who call upon your name. If you have a reputation that is less than flattering in your marriage, then it is going to take, as I said, a radical change to prove to your spouse that you're different. That means you are not going to be able to change on your own. None of us can change on our own. The only way you are going to change is if you submit to the Lord Jesus Christ Holy Spirit who helps you radically change from where you are right now to where God wants you to be. Let me just build on that for a second. Remember what we said earlier on? How do you pray for your spouse? Do you pray for them to be what you want them to be or what God wants them to be? Well, if there's a radical change that needs to take place in your heart, Do not pray for God to change you into what your spouse thinks you should be, but what God wants you to be. Because if we fall into the people-pleasing mode, our marriage will still never be any better. We have to please God in our marriage regardless. I've told my wife and kids, if I stop serving the Lord, you continue to serve God. Don't base your relationship with God on me. Because if I fail, if I fall away, if I do something and I completely destroy our name, you still serve God. By the grace of God, that's never happened. And by the grace of God, it won't. But we can't base how we serve God or what we do for the Lord on other people. We have to serve God for who God is, not for anyone else. And understand this, that this radical change that has happened in your life has not changed your reputation right away. And it may cause those around you to still doubt. If you have broken the trust of your spouse or your family, then it could take a lifetime to rebuild that trust. And in some cases, trust may never be completely rebuilt. If you've created a reputation that says that you are this or that, or that you can't be trusted, and then the Holy Spirit gets a hold of you and shakes you to your core and creates a clean heart in you, you can't get angry, grow impatient, or even look down at others when they don't believe you right away, especially if you've earned that reputation. You have to be humble, and you have to show that you are not that person, and it's not just a one-time show. It is over a period of time, and for some, if it's a marriage relationship, depending on how the trust has been broken, it may take the entire length of your marriage to show that you're not that person anymore. I've counseled men on this who have had issues in the marriage with trust, and a broken trust, say, you know, your marriage may never be fully the same again. But that doesn't matter. because it's about you living for Christ and pleasing God with your life, not about earning back the trust of your spouse. Truly, now I know that sounds harsh, but truly that is the case. Pursue hard after Christ, and whatever happens, happens, and know that if you fell into sin and you have repented, that whether someone trusts you again or not is not the ultimate goal. It's about are you serving Christ? Are you fully persuaded that he is your savior and that you want to live for him? That's what it comes down to. So just like we have to trust God and ask the Lord to help them to believe that we are changed, so we need to ask the Lord to help us constantly live out a changed life before the Lord. Before your spouse, before your family, before all of you come across in life. and any inconsistency in one area will bleed over to another area of your life. You can be great here. You can be great in family devotions. We sit down, we do family devotions every night. But when we sit down and do family devotions, don't talk out of turn, because if you do, man, dad is going to snap. What good does it do to do family devotions if you're beating your family down with the Bible. Any inconsistency in one area will bleed over into the other. How you live is important, and you can't just take the stance that says, I don't care what others think of me, because I know what my standing is before the Lord. And while it is true that we may not have a good reputation before everyone, because of the fact that some people are just not going to like you. I hate to tell you this, but some people just aren't going to like you, no matter what you do. And you're not going to have a good reputation with them. That's not why you serve the Lord. You don't serve the Lord for a good reputation, but your reputation among the majority of people says, I'm serving Christ regardless. OK? But our reputation does matter. And what I'm talking about is living a life that says your reputation matches your walk in every area of your life. Men, you need to be faithful to your wife no matter where you are, and not just act faithful when you're around her. Ladies, the same goes for you. So turn over, 2 Corinthians 8, verses 20 and 21. says, 2 Corinthians 8, 20 and 21, says, we take this course so that no one should blame us about the generous gift that is being administered by us. For we aim at what is honorable, not only in the Lord's sight, but also in the sight of man. This is reputation right here. 2 Corinthians 8 doesn't have a verse 21. 1 Corinthians? I'm in 2 Chronicles. Oh! Similar style. Well, Solomon's having a good time, though. Okay. That's funny. I don't know how. Well, at least the book started with C, so you're good to go. So what is being said here? How you live in every area of your life matters, and it creates a reputation. This includes the most private area of your life that no one else knows about, not even your spouse, and that is your thought life. Remember we talked about this, and I said it a few times, and I said it last week for, and some of you weren't here, but John MacArthur said the one place where I can put all these men around me, as accountability partners, but the one place no one can ever hold me accountable is in my heart. And so, this is the most private area of your life, your thought life. Now, you can share your thought life with people, but there are some things you may be afraid to share, and you shouldn't. If you have struggles, who better to share your struggles with than your spouse? who can pray for you, who can help you. But this is reputation. Every area of your life matters. So let's continue to look at the conversion of Saul. And when this radical change does happen, then it may take the testimony of more than one person to convince others that you are truly different. Saul is now changed. Ananias isn't convinced, but nonetheless, he trusts the Lord. He meets Saul, and the Lord restores Saul's sight when Ananias touches him. Now look with me in verses 15 through 18. When the Lord changes a person, they are truly changed, but again, a person's reputation can cause doubt in others because of the bad reputation that they have earned. Verse 15 says, But the Lord said to him, Go, for he is a chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles and kings and the children of Israel. For I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name." So Ananias departed. First he questions God, but he trusts God. Ananias departed and entered a house and laying his hands on him, he said, Brother Saul, the Lord Jesus who appeared to you on the road by which you came has set me so that you may regain your sight and be filled with the Holy Spirit. And immediately something like scales fell off from his eyes and he regained his sight. Then he rose and was baptized." That last sentence is important. That's a radical change. The fact that right after he regained his sight, he went and was baptized is proof that this man has changed. This wasn't just some sideshow, some trick to get in and round up more Christians. He did not act in the way the people of God had come to expect him to act. Going from one who hunted Christians to being baptized was beyond understanding. Ananias is scared. He doesn't want to go. He touches Saul and what does Saul do? I need to be baptized. It's a radical change. So the first step in proving you're different is you need to follow heart after God and do what the Lord wants you to do and not what others expect you're going to do. If you want your spouse or whoever it is, whoever we encounter, if you want them to see that you're different, then the first thing you need to do is follow after Christ like you never have before. And following after Christ has to be so radically different that your spouse finds this change to be both scary and exciting. When certain situations arise at home and your spouse or your family expects you to act one way because of the reputation you have built and the mistrust you have created, then you need to act and respond in a way that pleases God. Notice I said in a way that pleases God. You don't need to act and respond in a way that will set them at ease. That doesn't matter because that could be a trick in your heart before God and no one else. You need to act in a way that pleases Him. This will be shocking in a good way to your husband or your wife or your family. But understand that this may not be enough right away. What does He want? What does she want? What's going on? Big deal. They acted differently once. That could be the response. You can't be upset with that. Well, let's see what happens when I say this, when I do that. I'm sure they will fill in the blank. Well, that's the way they're known for responding. You may also have a reputation that bleeds outside of the home among your extended family or your circle of friends. They may not say anything to you, but your reputation still exists with them, good or bad. And if a person's reputation is bad, then it's going to take time and consistency, once again, to prove that you have changed. It's also going to take the testimony of others that we're talking about to observe you and see that this radical change in your life is in fact real. Now, you might be thinking, who will see you the most besides your spouse? So, shouldn't they be the first one to come around? Maybe. But maybe they're the last one to come around because that is where the most hurt and pain has been inflicted. What relationship do we have that's more intimate than a husband and wife relationship? We don't. We don't have one. Our kids, I love our kids. One day they're gonna be gone. Okay? They're gonna be out of the house. They're gonna be empty nesters. I'm gonna feel like I won the lottery. I'm gonna save some money. I want our kids to go when they're ready to go. Not when I'm ready to go. When I'm ready for them to go, okay? But the point is, is that my relationship with them is not as intimate as my relationship with my wife. And I'm not just talking physical intimacy. I don't talk to my kids about some of the struggles that I have, like I talk to my wife. I don't talk to some of the men about the struggles that I have, like I talk to with my wife. I certainly don't talk to the ladies about the struggles that I have that I would talk to with my wife. She knows more about me than anyone else, and that's how it should be. So if there's going to be a radical change If I've inflicted the most pain on her because of the relationship, she may be the last one that comes around, not the first one. If she's seen it for so long, it's going to take a lot longer than maybe my son, my daughter, my friends to come around. So you have to understand that. So let's finish this up by looking at verses 19 through 28. And we'll look at one more portion of scripture. So I know we're going through Acts chapter nine rather quickly, we're not going verse by verse per se, but it's to get a bird's eye overview of see how your reputation and how you live is important. Acts. New Testament. No, Acts 9, 19. All right, you're close, 919. All right, verse 19. And taking food, he was strengthened. For some days he was with the disciples at Damascus. And he immediately proclaimed Jesus in the synagogues, saying, He is the Son of God. And all who heard him were amazed and said, Is not this the man who made havoc in Jerusalem of those who called upon this name? and has he not come here for the purpose to bring them both to the chief priests? But Saul increased all the more in strength and confounded the Jews who lived in Damascus by proving that Jesus was the Christ. When many days had passed, the Jews plotted to kill him. But their plot became known to Saul, they were watching the gates day and night in order to kill him. But the disciples took him by night and led him down through an opening in the wall, lowering him in a basket. And when he had come to Jerusalem, notice this, he attempted to join to the disciples, and they were all afraid of him, for they did not believe that he was a disciple. Why not? He earned that reputation. But Barnabas, took him and brought him to the apostles and declared to them how on the road he had seen the Lord who spoke to him and how at Damascus he had preached boldly in the name of Jesus. So he went in and out among them at Jerusalem preaching boldly in the name of the Lord. A few things here that need to be mentioned. First of all, in marriage you don't need to wait for the right time to implement changes that you have made and asked the Lord to help you with. In order to start building godly habits and restoring trust in your marriage, you need to start immediately making those changes. Don't wait for the right time. The right time is now, as the old expression goes. It doesn't matter if the changes are internal that no one will see. They won't see the results or if they are external. Changes need to be made immediately. And if we look at the example of Saul in verse 20, immediately he was seen being completely different than what he used to be. In verse 21, everyone takes notice. Is not this the man who made havoc in Jerusalem of those who called upon his name, or called upon this name? And has he not come here for the purpose to bring them bound before the chief priest? The Jews, they see a change. The disciples, they see a change. This wasn't some phase or cruel ruse by Saul to catch Christians. It was a total change of his heart that led to a change of his reputation. And that is the key right here. You can't change your reputation without your heart changing, good or bad. And the only one who can change your heart is God. Jeremiah 17, 9, right? The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked. Who can know it? We can't change our own hearts. Any changes that we try to make that are external only will last for a short period of time. Any changes that you beg God to make in your life and say, God, I'm really deficient in this area. I need to be different. I need to be committed to you. I need to be sold out to you. Lord, don't just take this from me. Take the desire from me. Lord, don't just change me so that I have a good reputation. Change me so that my life aligns with what you want. That has to be the radical change. We can't change for anyone. Let me tell you this. In marriage, you're going to change. You're not going to be the same people 20, 30 years down the road. and you don't marry someone to change them. If that's the reason you married someone so you could change them, then you got married for all the wrong reasons, I hate to tell you. You can't change anybody. Let me ask you a question, can you save yourself? If you can't save yourself, can you change someone then? Absolutely not. Cindy and I are not the same. I told you this, we used to, we fought about blueberries when we first got married, okay? I would get aggravated because she'd squeeze the toothpaste from the middle. Everybody knows you just squeeze it from the bottom, right Kathleen? Socks are on the floor. She's like, you mean you can't just go over there, pick up your sock that's one foot away from the hamper and put it in the hamper? And we would fight about all these things. And in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. Now, I pick clothes up, I put them in a hamper. Why do I do that? Because I love my wife, but I want to show my wife that she's important to me. And why is she important to me? Because marriage is sovereignly designed by God. And by showing her that she's important to me, I'm telling God, thank you. And that's what it boils down to. And so, Yeah, we fought our first month of marriage. You take two sinners who lived apart, you put them together, and you have the fuse and the detonator. We were both newly saved. In fact, when we met, she wasn't even saved. Now, don't do this. Don't go. If you do this, I'm just telling you. Almost everybody's married anyway. But you... I'm not going to do that. No evangelism dating, okay? Alright? Thankfully, the Lord was good to us. Alright? But, even so, there were character issues in my life that had to change. I couldn't change myself. She couldn't change me. You can yell at someone, and you can bully someone, and you can beat them down, but that's all external changes. Not by power, nor by might, but by my Spirit, says the Lord. That's how change comes. That's how change has to come in a person's life. Ours, as well as anyone else's. So, Don't wait for change. Ask God to enact it in your heart immediately. doesn't mean that everyone is going to believe you all at once. Again, the goal is not to change your reputation, but your testimony by surrendering to the Lord and asking him to change your heart. Your reputation will always be connected to your heart, and the reason that is, is because eventually when the pressure is on, whatever is in the heart will be exposed. As we've talked about, the teabag. You don't put a teabag in a hot cup of water and expect hot chocolate to come out. Or you don't put a teabag in a hot cup of water and expect Coca-Cola to come out. Whatever's in the teabag, tea leaves, will come out with the hot water. Whatever's in your heart, when the pressure is on, will come out. If you act humble and caring in public, but are actually proud and critical, then eventually you will slip up and people will see the real you. They might be shocked, but if you are that way around your spouse, your spouse won't be shocked. But if real change does come, then you will have to understand that you will be tested to see if these changes are real or not. And as I said, you can't blame people, especially your spouse, if you have earned a bad reputation by your words and actions. And look at verse 26. Again, And when he had come to Jerusalem, he attempted to join the disciples, and they were all afraid of him, for they did not believe that he was a disciple." If you have hurt your spouse in the past with your words or actions, and as we have said before, they can forgive you, but granting forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean that trust has been reinstated. Notice that Saul didn't try to plead his own case, nor did he say, you need to trust me because I'm changed. He just continued to trust the Lord and follow the Lord. He submitted to the Lord and let the Lord build his new reputation for him. But don't think you can sit back and do nothing because God's gonna do it all. Where there's no effort, there is no change. Finally, I wanna leave you with this passage from Paul out of 2 Timothy chapter three. If you would, turn to 2 Timothy chapter three, verses 10 and 11. We're almost done. The Bible says this. You, however, have followed my teaching, my conduct, my aim in life, my faith, my patience, my love, my steadfastness, my persecutions and sufferings that happened to me at Antioch, at Iconium, and at Lystra, which persecutions I endured, yet from them all the Lord rescued me. Notice the first part of that. Here's a completely changed man. This is Paul. He's not Saul of Tarsus anymore, persecuting Christians. You have followed my teaching, my conduct, my aim in life, my faith, my patience, my love, my steadfastness. That reputation that Paul had didn't happen at conversion. It was earned over time. What we do determines our testimony and our reputation. Our testimony of grace can, in fact, be different from our reputation. But how powerful is it, especially in our marriages, when our testimony and our reputation line up? This is how my husband or wife was before they were saved, but this is how they are now, and this is how they have been faithful in serving the Lord throughout our entire marriage. This is how my husband or wife was before they were saved. They're still growing, they still struggle with whatever. They try for the most part and they do okay, it's just don't make them angry or else they'll blow up or whatever it is they struggle with. Two different things there. Paul, however, says that Timothy followed his teaching, his conduct, his aim, his faith, and so on. Paul's testimony and reputation had lined up. So here's the question. How does your testimony as a husband or wife line up in your home? If they are different, then you need to get a hold of God through his word and prayer, begging God to change you so that your testimony and your reputation line up with what pleases God. Again, it's not about pleasing your spouse. We want to please our spouse. First and foremost, we have to please God. If you've broken the trust of your spouse, then you need to make radical changes both inwardly and outwardly. And you have to be okay with however long it takes to rebuild that trust. If you love the Lord and desire a marriage that is pleasing to God, then you will do whatever it takes to rebuild that trust in a true, sincere way, because once that is rebuilt, then you know that your marriage and your life is pleasing to God. All right, any questions, comments, concerns, or complaints before we pray? I know obviously it was God's will that what had happened to them would happen to them, but I just find it encouraging in a way that's what I need to do when I'm being persecuted is let God and God's people state my case for me. he's your lawyer, he's your attorney. Just let him do the talking. We tend to make things a lot worse. Yep. Yes, sir. Just like, I have a few thoughts. So it's like two parties, right? There's a party who has broken trust and there's a party that has had their trust broken. And obviously how one is going to be a little different. Absolutely. And I'm reading through 1 Samuel right now. And early in 1 Samuel, I think it's Eli's sons are not doing good things. And he talks to them and says, if you guys had a dispute with another man, then at least you know that God mediates between you and that other person. positive of, you know, like if you've hurt another person or broken their trust, like, you do know that there's a mediator there, even between you and another person, and that is God. If you are also, you know, And the second thought was just like, something my pastor back in Virginia said was, that this would be on the other party. He said something like, know the worst, expect the best, and assume the best. And like, with Matthew 18, it's like the person coming and repenting, and saying, I like that example as well. Yeah. It's good.