Welcome to the second installment of the Parenting Paradigms recorded lectures. I'm Josh Adair, one of the teachers for that Wednesday night series. And on this week's lecture, it will feature Dr. Kathy Young, who is the director of our children's ministry here at First Presbyterian Church of Hattiesburg. And she's going to speak to how we parent our children in light of their development. I hope that you'll enjoy this lecture from Dr. Kathy Young, Parenting in Light of Our Children's Development. If you have any questions regarding this episode, you can email me at jaadir at fpcpca.net. Again, that's jaadir at fpcpca.net. How many of you like vanilla ice cream? Okay, how many of you are Mississippi State fans? The whole back row, there we go. How many of you were once children? Yeah, or still children, right? So we all got here through a process. And so tonight, and one thing that Josh and I have been talking about is looking at the process of development and what that means for us in parenting. I don't come to you tonight as a biblical scholar, though in layman's terms I try real hard to make sure that I'm regularly ingesting the word of God, but I am coming to you tonight as an educator from my educational background and looking at the theoretical frameworks and the practical aspects of child development. And, you know, why are we doing that? Because children are an amazing we, people, who are God's most amazing creation. And the way that he set apart the way that we grow is an amazing Discovery, on our part, it's amazing to watch. It is just a beautiful experience to participate in the raising of a child, even from a developmental, purely scientific standpoint. And then we put in the scriptural responsibility, and the Lord has given us just this beautiful responsibility, and so that's what I'm going to talk to you tonight, because we're fearfully and wonderfully made, and when we understand Patterns of child development, frameworks of child development, when we understand that, it helps us to direct and inform our parenting. I have a friend who presents to teachers of young children and If you haven't met Terry Harris, you should. But one thing that she regularly says as she sees teachers of little ones pushing them to do things like write their names when they're three years old, she says, they're 36 months old. They have only been here a few months. What were you doing 36 months ago? And it kind of helps us to put into perspective that we were made to move along in our physical development, our cognitive development, our social and emotional development, and even our spiritual development. So that's what we're going to look at a little bit this evening together. So, anybody know how to solve equations like that easily? Jared? Anyone? Is this like your normal kind of weekend entertainment? Anybody? OK. What? In college? Did you do a lot of this? OK, so that is a little bit above at least my pay grade. But what do we know about that? Just looking at this, what do we know? Is that pi? You see a symbol that's pi? Is there pi? OK. All right, what else do we know? Right. It's an advanced math. I don't even know if it's algebra or calculus, but it's advanced math. It's an equation. We know it's an equation. What else do we know? It made me cry. Okay. We understand that, oops, sorry, y'all. I'm trying not to trip over things. What does this mean? Evil. Okay. What does this generally mean? Happy face. Yeah, happy face. Generally, multiplication. What is this? add, and subtract. So we can look at things like that, and we can pull and understand contextually a few things about it. If you took an advanced math class, you might be able to solve it. But right now, we just look at those contextual cues and try to make sense of the things that we know about that equation, right? OK, same thing. How many of you speak Spanish? OK, what does this say? Do you know? That's right. OK. Was there anybody else in the room that knew what that meant? OK. How did you know that, Cassie? Did you know it from Spanish class? No, but I do know. OK. OK. I have to say, I have to take a little break. Lewis's favorite celebrity story, Lewis Jones' favorite celebrity story, if you ask him who he's met that's famous, he's met a lot of famous people. But who is it that you're most proud of? Bob the Tomato. I met Bob the Tomato. He met Bob the Tomato. I did, I met Bob the Tomato. That's the one he's most excited about. But when we look at the word instructions, I mean in Spanish, we can kind of derive what the root is there. Y'all promise I'm getting to a point here, okay? All right. What about this? It's German? How do you know it's German? Okay, so you've had some experience with seeing or hearing German, and you've been able to ascertain the little bit that you know and understand it. Do you recognize a word in that? Internet. Can I get on the internet? Can I use the internet? Okay, so you can even look at languages that you may not know and be able to interpret them. What about this? Anybody got this one? Slavic, okay. It is Bulgarian. And it means thank you. This is a little bit more difficult. Even the symbols of this language are generally outside of our knowledge base. So this is what our children feel like when they begin to see the symbols in their world. They begin to look at At first, it's like we have no earthly idea. But as they study and begin to build information and build knowledge, then they're able to go, hey, I recognize that word. I recognize that symbol. I recognize that stop sign. I understand what those golden arches mean, right? So they begin through context clues to understand the world around them. So I would like for us to think about that and what kind of context we give them and what we're doing and just basically I'm hoping that we'll have a little bit better understanding of child development at the end. So we're going to start with infancy and we know actually development begins before our children are born but really what we can do about that is post unless any of you have some news for us to share that our parenting actually begins in utero when parents take care of their own bodies in order to take care of the child who's developing. But we know that in infancy, I don't like, you know, there's a philosopher, I think it was Kant, who said, blank slate, I don't like that terminology. We know that God created our children. I like to think of endless possibility. They're open to possibilities. because they're pre-wired for so many things that God has provided in his world, and children are born and immediately begin learning. There was a study done, Dr. Razzleton did a study with a newborn baby on imprinting an attachment where he held the baby close so the baby could see his face and we know that babies can't see much outside of a very, very short range because it would be overstimulating for their sweet little brains. So he held the baby close and he began to stick his tongue out and the baby was able to mimic that. We are talking about a few minutes old. that baby was already learning and that's what's happening. But God has protected them from being overwhelmed and having too much stimuli by giving them a short line of sight, everything beyond is a little blurry, a little fuzzy, as their optical nerves haven't completely set in place and they're not as developed and defined yet. And I'm not a I'm not a pediatrician, so Dr. Damey can let us know later. So how do babies communicate? What do babies do? They cry, okay. So many mamas in here and some daddies, what do we know about babies' cries? They sound different. What do the different cries tell us? There's a tired cry, a hungry cry, a what? pain when they're hurting cry. The cries mean different things. They begin to learn how to communicate differently and we in turn learn from them what those cries mean. New parents, we're like, I don't know what's going on. I checked the diaper, and she won't take the ball. She won't eat. She won't nurse. And we don't know what's wrong. So you start going through the different things. And oh, well, she had to burp, whatever it is that the problem is. But we start working through it, and we're learning right along with our babies. But babies are communicating with us. Do you know how else babies are learning? What are other things that they do in that first year of life? Okay. They do, thank you. Yeah, because Piaget, through many, many observations, and understand I'm going to reference secular theorists, but these are theorists who have, who did study infant behavior, infant growth, and development for years on years and years, and I feel like God gave us the tool of looking at those developmental theorists and developmental researchers just like pointing to him like hey look what God has done and look at this pattern of development just as we would look at a barometer and say oh wow look what God is doing in the weather. So development is kind of like that barometer and understanding what he's done. And so they begin to learn through their senses and through their their motions and through their experiences. You will often see you know, a three-month-old begin to, hopefully a little earlier than that, but begin to pick up his or her head until that neck gets stronger. By the time they're six months, they're pushing up a little bit. We hope that they're crawling by around nine months. Did they just start off and they went from lying in the carrier to crawling? No, there were things that happened that had to line up. The muscles had to be developed. you know, synapses had to occur. Everything occurs in a pattern, and that's one thing that we need to be aware, that this is a pattern, and it's there for a reason. This is the way God made our children. So one of my favorite theorists is Eric Erickson, and I did not do charts. Y'all can thank me later for not providing charts, because I nerd out on developmental charts. But Erickson's one of my favorite psychologists who studied children. He looked at this infant stage as a time that children can either develop a sense of trust or a sense of mistrust. And the way that we look at our children's level of trust and how that grows is that when we provide sensitive care to our little ones, when we meet their needs, when those cries come and we quickly attend to them, they learn, hey, these people can be trusted. These people who care for me. And it just builds and builds. Now, did they cognitively think, hey, you know, my dad's a great guy. He comes and takes care of me every time my diaper's wet. No, but they have the sense and they have the feeling that they are being cared for and that sense of trust begins to grow. Children who are ignored, and y'all, the old phrase, just let them cry it out. Children, babies can't be spoiled. We know that the best thing to do for babies is to care for them. They are communicating something to us and to be responsive to that is to be responsible and creates that secure bond and secure attachment. Now let's stop for just a second and think about a baby, just a few months old, whose needs have not been met. And we fast forward until that child is going into elementary school. I haven't had my needs met in the very, very earliest foundational time of life. What's going to happen when I go away from these people? Do you think that that child is going to trust the adults who have been put in charge of them? What do you think you might see from a child who does not trust that he or she will be cared for? You might see a lack of actual physical growth. you will likely see a child who is not behaving typically, either in the way that they misbehave and don't interact well with other children, or you might see a child who acts like a, has failure to thrive. and just does not interact and just stays in their own little bubble and doesn't engage. Meeting the needs of our babies is something that God gave us in order to respond so that we can have this foundational step. So as trust develops, it is a beginning of faith development. Because if a child doesn't have faith that their parents, their families who were given care over them, don't take care of them, and they've seen their parents, how can they trust in whom they haven't seen, okay? So this is how it's important for us to understand that trust versus mistrust. Object permanence, you know that when babies are first born, usually you can pass them off to anybody who will take them, and then what happens? Separation anxiety. It happens because the phase of development known as object permanence, when they realize that what isn't here anymore still exists. And when mom leaves me with somebody, she's probably going to come back, but she's not here now. But she continues to exist. And so we can see that object permanence playing a big role as we move on into toddlerhood, which we'll talk about. Infants need about 12 to 16 hours of sleep in a 24-hour period in order for their bodies to develop as they were meant to develop. I like to say this is the way God designed them and this is what they need, okay? That's according to American Academy of Pediatrics. Justin Barrett from Fuller Seminary, I like the way he said Parenting that leads to secure attachment seems to be really important for acquiring faith. Now, we know that God can work in any circumstance, and we don't have to be perfect responsive parents. We know that there are a lot of children who in that first year did not have responsive parents. But as parents who are attempting to follow what the Lord has given us responsibility for, we want to remember that that secure attachment, that bond, that caring, has a purpose in his plan, okay? Okay, so we get to toddlerhood, which makes us want to go, woohoo, right? Sweetie wishes that she could just go back for one day in the toddlerhood phase. I know she does. So in toddlerhood, the patterns of development that we see in toddlerhood are independence. And sometimes this is very, very frustrating. And if you are the parent of a toddler, please remind yourself Every time that they test your patience, this is the way God designed my child. Because I don't know that there's been a toddler in history that hasn't at some point gone through this push for independence. It's an important phase of development. We'll come back to the psychosocial part of that. But we know that our toddlers, two to three year olds, tend to engage in parallel play. They don't interact necessarily with another peer or a sibling, but they will play alongside with. They will label objects. You know, this is the pointing phase where everything gets labeled, and they can follow simple instructions. And I don't know if you're like me, but I have a tendency to rattle off, and it's my own way of list making that I say, hey we need to get shoes on we need to grab jackets oh don't forget to get your water bottle and let's get in the car right so i'm going through all of the things that need to happen children cannot comprehend that a two three year old can only get the you know hey grab your teddy bear and meet me in the car Okay, so simple instructions. They like to find things, and so that's where that object permanence thing comes in, because a younger, under one year old, when you cover up a toy, it doesn't exist anymore in their minds. A toddler, when you cover that up, they will begin to go looking for it, which makes for a lot of fun games. Our toddlers will climb, they kick, they begin to climb up and down stairs. Those are really cool things that God has given them to do because they're exploring their world, they're continuing with that sensory and motor phase of everything in the senses they're learning. Every experience that they're having is a learning experience. How do toddlers communicate with us? Has it changed at all since they were babies? Have they grown? Have they developed? They whine? They do? What? They still cry. And those cries still have different meanings. Those of you parents with older children, do you remember? any of those times, okay? They began to give us simple words. Here's a really interesting thing. Gospel Coalition was talking about the importance of parenting according to the needs of our children. There was an article, and I've heard this study before, but children of professional parents, and professional parents tend to use more words. And so essentially, you could just say, parents who use more words and who engage in conversation that's back and forth with babies, toddlers, a little bit older, those children develop 30 million words. They have heard 30 million words in their vocabulary by the time they're three years old. By the time they're three, that's what they've heard. Conversely, a child who is in a family in poverty, they have only heard 11 million words in their lives. And the number of kind of fussing phrases is more than double. They've heard disparaging type things double portion than our children who are in professional families. The more language and the more conversation that children get regardless of age, I mean, it happens during that language acquisition in the very early phase, but it doesn't mean that that's the only time it happens. And so when children are provided opportunities still in those early years are best, then they're going to develop all of those things around language, including understanding what people mean just by the facial expressions and intonation. And they develop things like that, that children who are not exposed to that will develop. they began to have symbolic thought. This is also important because symbols, you know, a toddler will pick up a block and it represents a phone, right? Okay, well as we move on into preschool years, a symbol is like what we saw in the Bulgarian language. Each one of those is a symbol and so those symbols are important for developing reading and for understanding all of the different icons that are important in our world, okay? Our toddlers are still egocentric. That means that they're kind of the center of the world and they have a hard time taking the perspective of anybody else. They don't understand that anybody else really has feelings, is outside them. They just can't shift over that's helpful for us to remember because if we're looking at a toddler and saying you just don't care how I feel about this, they really don't. They really can't. They really can't understand. They really don't care how you feel about that. They probably would like to but they're just not there yet. Our toddlers need in a in a 24-hour day, 11 to 14 hours of sleep. Their bodies are going. They're little machines. They need the fuel of good food and good rest in order to keep going. A lot of problems happen because our toddlers are learning. Their brains are just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And it's really, really hard to help them understand that sometimes that brain needs to calm down and shut down and turn off in order for the next day to be a language, I mean a knowledge acquisition kind of day. Alright, toddlerhood, and this is one thing I wanted to talk about real quick as far as faith development, Erickson said that this is the stage where we either develop autonomy, that understanding that I am an individual person, I am not completely attached to my mom and I can I can climb on the counter and get my drink and spill it on the floor and I can get a towel and clean it up and nobody can find out that I've done it, right? I remember when I was a toddler getting into the multivitamins, they were shaped like Fred Flintstone. So autonomy is that sense that I can do things myself, and that's a good thing. Shame and doubt will result if we don't allow our toddlers to explore. If everything they hear is negative, if everything they hear is to push them down, to keep them in, you know, sit down, watch TV, stay away from me, don't do that, don't do that, don't do that. They were made to do, do, do. And if we say don't, don't, don't, then it's very difficult for them to meet the developmental milestones that must occur in toddlerhood for them to be the people that God created them to be. So also if they end up out of this phase feeling that sense of shame and y'all again it's not a cognitive you know, I just, I just really haven't done a great job today. I just, I'm a really bad little kid." That's not what they're thinking, but their tummies feel weird, and they just generally have a sense of things are not right. That's a feeling of shame for a toddler kind of like you might have felt as a child when you did do something wrong. But our toddlers who are simply being toddlers and simply going through the normal phases, if they're not allowed to do that with loving support, they end up with shame that can lead to self-condemnation. It starts as a yucky, yucky feeling. They just feel like something's not right, and then they condemn themselves. Guys, how easy is it for a child, who this is the second phase of foundational aspects, like we had trust versus mistrust, and now we've got autonomy versus shame or doubt. If they come out with mistrust and shame and doubt, think about how hard it is to grasp the gospel. Think about how hard it is to say, God made me, right? And God said what he made was good, and I'm made in God's image. These are important milestones for our kiddos. All right, preschool. Yay. And I love that picture of Kimberly there. Our preschoolers begin to engage in cooperative play. You will see them building together, dramatic play together, that kind of thing. They have friends. They can take care of themselves. They brush their teeth. They pour their own drink. They clean, that kind of thing. They love to tell and hear stories, and the toddler story very often, I mean a preschool story very often is like, and you get a lot of that as they're waiting on those words to begin processing and coming to their minds, but stories are very important. Story, the understanding of story helps children understand the greatest story. I got to go talk to some teachers in Tupelo not too long ago and it was on storytelling and I encouraged them to not only choose good books that were good stories with a great beginning, a great middle, and a great resolved ending, and to do that so that children understood, you know, the beginning, the middle, and the end, but also to help children tell their own stories, how they fed their dog last night, or how their sister took their ball away. And all of those things can be put in story format What that's doing is laying the foundations for them to understand the greatest story. Say it again. That's what I've shared with them. It's like when they understand story, they can begin to understand that God made, sin destroyed, God redeemed, and he's restoring. And that we're part of that. And so stories are a very important part, and not just because through stories they're developing their literacy skills. That's a good thing. We want them to be good readers. We want our children to be good readers as early as they can be good readers, because then they can read and begin to understand God's word and the context there. But all of this begins to happen in preschool. Everything's kind of lining up. through brain development, physical development, their fine motor skills are getting more defined. They have beautiful creative imaginations which help those stories come to life and help them to understand. This is a great, great time to be a Sunday school teacher in the preschool time. Just ask Matthew Boyd, he's been doing it for over 15 years. He and Bonnie have been teaching our preschoolers for that long. They begin to share They communicate with full sentences very often unless they're like really tired and hungry and then it goes back to the whining and the, you know, just single words because they don't feel like getting it out. Symbolic thought leads to writing and reading and they need 10 to 13 hours sleep. What I want to talk about with regard to Erickson here is that initiative versus guilt. We've talked about mistrust, we've talked about shame, and now if a child doesn't develop a sense of initiative, if they're not allowed to experience a variety of different things. Sensory exploration, walking 10 feet from our parents as long as you can see them and they're over here, you know, picking up acorns off the ground and they've kind of developed that because you've given them a safe way to do it. That kind of thing is what they need. If they don't have support during this stage, then the guilt that they feel, you know how when you've done something wrong, they feel that way if just on a normal day, if they haven't done anything wrong. Instead of feeling like I've done something wrong, it's they feel like I am wrong. And so we want to provide opportunities for them to explore, for them to reach out. And initiative just means I can solve problems. I can work. I can start something on my own and finish it, and I don't have to be told every single thing to do. I don't have to be told how to build that block tower. I have initiative to be able to do it on my own. So that's pretty special time. Have you ever heard the term executive function skills? We need the executive function skills in the workplace. It really begins when they're younger, but this is the time where executive function skills begin to just explode. This is when children have the ability to adjust and adapt in their thinking, to kind of think through alternate endings to, again, stories. Well, if we can't go to the park because it's raining, we can stay in and make a fort inside. That's adaptable thinking. Do you see what I'm saying there? So they can plan, they have a better sense of self-control, they have working memory, and they can kind of monitor their own, regulate when they're tired and when they're hungry. And they can tell you, rather than just crying and you figuring out that they're hungry, they can go to the refrigerator and grab their own piece of fruit. They begin to have some time management. When you say, hey, we've got 10 more minutes, they kind of understand that means that they need to finish up what they're doing. It's an amazing period of development because all of these things are really important for adult interactions and adult success and it starts right here when they're three and four and five years old. So this is the executive function skills are really, really important. And so we just give them opportunities to do that. Ask them, hey, what would you like to do today? Well, if we can't do that, what else do you think we might could do? Hey, would you like to go to so-and-so's birthday party this weekend? Or would you help me fold the laundry? Not a birthday party or laundry. Those are two completely separate things. Gee, I wonder what the answer to that would be. Anyway, that preschoolers can really take part. They have purpose. in taking part in household chores and contributing to the family. God has created them with a purpose, and the earlier that they begin to feel that sense of purpose, the better. That really comes into play as our kiddos get into school age. We know that relationships are extremely important in this age range. This is when you see that shift from, you know, mom, dad, grandma, whoever is the most important person in my life, to the main thing that they care about is what other kids in their lives think. I can't wear that because Susie doesn't like pink, right? Okay, and they begin to surround themselves with friends and they have responsibilities. What kind of responsibilities do school-age kids have? They have homework. It's a big responsibility. What else? They have chores. Yes, thank you. Children at this age need chores. Preschoolers need small chores. Older children need chores. What did you say? I can. I can. It's an important thing for them because they can feel like they're contributing and they have a purpose. You can give them a choice of chores. If they hate doing this one, if they don't really enjoy it, say, I know you don't like that one. How about this instead? Or no, buddy, this is what I really need you to do today. But tomorrow, this is the chore that you can do. Anybody want to know how to make cleaning up a little bit easier? I have like some cleanup games. You may have heard them. We'll go over those at the end if you want some some cleanup games to encourage your children to clean up. What? It's really not for teenagers. That kind of works. If you clean up, then you still get to eat, right? I mean, that's kind of the way that goes, right? But the peers become the most important people to school leaders. And we know that we have to be that framework for them, that structure. Because when they go off and the other peers and other friends are not stable and secure, we know that they're not the stable and secure type. it's what happens at home is stable and secure. So we have to again go back to that secure base time where family and home is where they can feel comfortable. I was just talking to somebody else about you know you're the safe person and what is extra important, it's not that it's more important, but it's extra important if our children are leaving our homes and they're being respectful to other adults, they're being kind to other children, and they're doing all of those things, but what happens when they come in the house and they begin to throw things and yell at you and you're like, what happens? The teacher says that this is the best kid in the class and this is what we're seeing. This is the time that you tend to see that variation where you feel like do they have two different personalities and you begin to worry about that. What happens is they are giving everything they can often to performing at school to being, you know, answering correctly, to being respectful to the teacher, not saying the ugly things that they think about. It's hard. Y'all, it's hard for us to not do the things that pop up in our heads. And so it's even more so for children who are learning and growing and trying to do especially that which is right, which is why we always have to point them back to Jesus. you can't do everything right, you can't do everything right, but here's where Christ comes in to take that burden for you and just, you know, following after Him. But when they come in and we are the worst, we get the very, very worst of them, what's actually happening is that they're showing us that we're their safe people. It doesn't mean that their behavior is excused. It doesn't mean that there are not consequences for yelling at your parents or throwing things around the house or snatching stuff from your siblings. But it does mean that what they're saying is, I know that you won't throw me out on the street because I am melting down with everything that I have in my world. We still need to give them responsibility because it helps them to grow past, to understand that this is a hard task, this is a hard time and yet I can come out on the other side of it successful and I have achieved and accomplished. Abstract thinking, it becomes, there's a shift from school age to adolescence where children begin to think more abstractly. When they're six to 11, they're thinking concretely. You say Statue of Liberty, they think literally the physical Statue of Liberty. If you say Statue of Liberty to high schoolers on up, they begin to think more about what Statue of Liberty represents. That's an abstract thought. And so we see that in lots of different ways. That's why you see complex math when they're 12 and up is because it's very often abstract. So adolescents. The things that adolescents do often is spend time alone. They are thinking abstractly. They like to spend time alone. They need to practice all kinds of things. They practice their own their own ability to do the chores in the house. They practice their abilities to finish their homework, to excel on the soccer field. Their whole lives are just about practicing over and over because they've learned the foundational things and this is about building on the knowledge that they got when they were older. This is the time where It's the foundation is laid and we're building up the house at this point. The psychosocial stage that Erickson talked about right here is identity versus role confusion. This is a really hard one that I trust may be talked about a little bit more as this class continues because as children and adolescents have opportunities to be with peers, to interact in adult relationships and with their friends, and even have some responsibilities like babysitting. As those things happen and they participate in the family, you may notice that they switch. One day, all we're doing today is wearing skater clothes back in the 90s and going old school there. Then give them another week and they may be into everything denim or everything country western music. They just kind of, they're playing with the identity and where do I fit? Well, what is our role in that is to help give them a safe place where that identity can be explored in a safe, loving, Christian home so that they can try on things and ultimately We're trying on things that help us to honor and glorify God. Who did he make you to be? What are the things that you are talented in? What are the gifts that God has given you? And all of those things flow into identity. It's not just, you know, what clothes you wear and how you dress and who your friends are. It's the purpose that God has given you is the identity. If children are just told, you know, be this way, do this, I don't care if you like piano, you're playing soccer, and they don't ever have an opportunity to experience and explore the things that they may be gifted at, then they become quite confused. And we see that more and more and more. with kids having this role confusion and just not feeling that they fit in anywhere. So this kind of presents a challenge for us not only as parents but also as a church family to help children no matter what they look like when they walk in the door or what they're trying at school or who their friends are, but to find a way to support them and say, this is where you belong. Your identity is as a child of God and you belong with God's people and we're here for you and we love you. So that's my hope, is that we can be that identity structure for our children, that we're constantly just showing them Jesus and helping them remember who they were created to be. You will see loyalty. You will see kids. I've told everybody at the very beginning, I knocked over my container of water and I had to pre-adolescence jump and run go get paper towels and clean it up and that's the kind of thing that they will do is that they begin to have loyalty and care for others. They're realizing that they can contribute and that's part of their identity. They still need eight to ten hours sleep in a 24-hour period. It's important. When our teenagers, our adolescents, don't get enough sleep, we start to see that emotional regulation, like temper tantrums may come into play, sadness. We see things like that when children just need to sleep. So one thing that I always tell teachers of little kids If you're seeing lots of behavior problems, always look at the basics first. Let's check and see if they're hungry. Let's see what their physical needs are, because we know we've got to take care of physical needs first. And then let's take care of their social and emotional needs. You know, are they feeling like they belong? And we can do that with our teenagers. First thing is taking care of their physical needs. We forget sometimes that they still need parents to remind them to, hey, it's time to eat. They get so busy and they're doing things all day long and they forget. And so we can remind them that they need to be sleeping, they need to be eating, they need to be taking time alone. It's when they can stop and think, now I'm not talking about holding up in your room for all day, but I'm talking about having time where they're not constantly every minute of every day with other people. Their brains need time. to think and to worship and to spend time alone with God, with their creator. And so it's important for us to encourage them to have that time. I heard a speaker, and I know I'm going on and on, y'all, I'm sorry. Child development, it just, you know, I love it. But I heard a speaker several years ago say, we wonder why our teenagers get to graduation and have no idea what it is that they want to do. It's because we haven't allowed them to time to play and to build and to think and discover and imagine. We've just put them in every activity for every waking minute of every day and then they get to graduation and they go, I don't know. I haven't had any time to think about it. I haven't had any time to really, really play. So we know that during adolescence, Our teenagers have increased organization. They can manage their time. They can. They are capable of doing that. It doesn't mean that they do. They have a greater memory capacity. Sometimes it astounds us how they can remember things. And one thing that we know about development is that it always goes from simple to complex, okay? So it may not, development always occurs in a pattern, in a linear fashion in typically developing children. If children are not moving along at a pace, even if it's not the same pace as their peers or the same pace that the doctor's chart says, what we need to be looking for is that progression. We crawl before we walk. We can listen to a story before we can tell a story. We have a bottle before we eat solid foods. It's always this pattern, and that's what we need to look for. If your child is If you're concerned that he or she is not developing typically, and there are things that you're worried about, ask yourself, does my child, does it interfere? Does whatever this is interfere with his or her ability to do the things that other children do? And if that's yes, then you may want to talk to another parent, talk to your pediatrician, and begin to look and see if this development is atypical or if it's just a little bit slower. Because God made each one of our children unique and amazing beings. And they're not all the same, and praise God for that. They're all different, and they may develop in different ways, but what we can look at is the pattern that he's given us, the developmental structure, and be able to grasp that and thank him for the way that he's made our kiddos. But changes are predictable. That was the last thing. Anybody have questions? You've got a question, Josh? Just remember, development is an amazing, amazing thing. But I'm here for questions afterwards if you need. And do you have something, Josh? I would say, as you hear all this information, Thank you. Yeah. Well, because everything God does is bigger than us. and covers a multitude of sins, His grace covers, and I would just encourage you, you're not screwing up your child. If you're seeking after the Lord, if you're trying to do, even if we're not trying y'all, I remember one time, I've told Josh this story, I remember one time sitting in carpool line and crying out to the Lord saying, I thought I knew what I was doing. We thought we knew. And I've screwed this up. And he's yours. Will you just make it right? And so as we are faithful in the little things, we just have to remember that he is faithful in much, much bigger things, even when we fail so greatly. I'm glad you brought it back to that. These are not lists of things to do. These are ways to understand the way our children grow and develop, the way that God made them. So you're not supposed to follow a list of rules just to appreciate the creation that God has made in our children.