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Christ Reformation Church
Jeff Crippen, Pastor  |  Tillamook, Oregon
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Christ Reformation Church
7450 Alderbrook Rd.
Tillamook, Oregon 97141
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Abuse Counseling: How Long is "forbearing"?
FRIDAY, OCTOBER 04, 2019
Posted by: Christ Reformation Church | more..

Ephesians 4:2 ESV with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love,

As I read the stories told by Christians, most often women, who have been the victims of abuse, I am dismayed to hear over and over again how their pastors and churches told them that they must give their abuser opportunity to repent, to go to counseling, to try to reform himself, etc. Many victims are even condemned by their fellow Christians if they want to initiate divorce proceedings. They are told that they must be patient and forbearing, and verses such as that quoted above are recited to them.

In abuse cases this is nonsense, and it is dangerous. Furthermore, such counsel most often totally ignores the context of the victim’s relationship with the abuser. Simply put, typically the victim has been enduring the abuse for years – 20, 30 or more years! And now she is told that she must “try” being patient, such patience being a mark of real faith and pleasing to God. I really hope that our readers can quickly see that this is ignorant lunacy.

Abuse victims, and in particular Christian abuse victims, are probably some of the most forbearing and patient people you will ever meet. When you hear their stories and learn of all of the horrendous things they have endured, you marvel at their strength. How in the world have they been able to endure? I don’t think I could have. The pressure on them is incredible and you can feel it pressing down on you as you hear them tell you what their life has been like for so long.

So, when they finally go to a pastor or some church leader and ask for help, forbearance and patience has almost always been performed to the fullest. Insisting that they “try being patient as Christ is patient with us” is a foolish and damaging exercise doomed to fail at the best and to cause much more suffering and injury and perhaps even death at the worst.

Of course, since most Christians, pastors, and church leaders are woefully uneducated in the nature and tactics and effects of abuse (and in fact willfully blind to it), all of this never enters their mind. They don’t ask how long it has been happening because to them the very concept of something so evil and longstanding is unthinkable. Most Christians, you see, live in an imaginary world that never intersects with the world the abuse victim inhabits. Or at least they think so.

So let’s not be guilty of telling these victims that they need to try to exercise more patience with their abuser. After all, I think that God Himself would agree that 2 or 3 decades of terror is quite enough to qualify as forbearance.

Job 6:11-13 ESV (11) What is my strength, that I should wait? And what is my end, that I should be patient? (12) Is my strength the strength of stones, or is my flesh bronze? (13) Have I any help in me, when resource is driven from me?

(article originally posted at lightfordarktimes.com)

Category:  Ministries

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     PAST BLOG ENTRIES     

They Never Admit Wrong: A Sure Sign of an Unsafe (and Unsaved) Person
WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 02, 2019
Posted by: Christ Reformation Church | more..
1 John 1:10 If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. Mr. Decker: “Captain, shouldn’t we take every possible precaution?” Captain Kirk: “Mr. Decker, I will not provoke an attack. If that...
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We are to Separate From Evil, Not Order the Righteous to Live With it
TUESDAY, OCTOBER 01, 2019
Posted by: Christ Reformation Church | more..
Psa 1:1-2 Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; (2) but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. Pro 4:14-15...
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Grizzly Bears, Wolves, and the Denial of Evil
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24, 2019
Posted by: Christ Reformation Church | more..
Act 20:28-30 Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood. (29) I know that after my departure fierce wolves will...
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It Only Takes A Wink or a Glance to Abuse
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 20, 2019
Posted by: Christ Reformation Church | more..
A worthless person, a wicked man, goes about crooked speech, winks with his eyes, signals with his feet, points with his finger, with perverted heart devises evil, continually sowing discord; (Proverbs 6:12-14) I have probably written posts about...
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If You haven't Read David Intone-Brewer's book, You Really Should
MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 16, 2019
Posted by: Christ Reformation Church | more..
Here are some powerful and refreshing words from David Instone-Brewer’s book on marriage and divorce in the church. This will make you want to get your hands on the book for sure. And by the way – ANY pastor or counselor or Christian...
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Don't Fall for the Abuser's "Repentance" - Lessons from Zaccheus
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 14, 2019
Posted by: Christ Reformation Church | more..
Just about all of you have heard an abuser claim to “have changed,” or “I have repented and the Lord has forgiven me and now you must also.” We have had pressure put upon us by the abuser’s allies to...
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How to Create an Abusive Church
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 08, 2019
Posted by: Christ Reformation Church | more..
I don’t like to think about spiritual abuse, or abusive churches, or abusive pastors. I don’t like it. For one reason, this is because the abusers I have had to deal with over the years as a pastor LOVE to accuse me and our elders and...
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"You Need to Forgive Him/Her" - Really?
SATURDAY, AUGUST 31, 2019
Posted by: Christ Reformation Church | more..
Mat 5:6-12 “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied. (7) “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy. (8) “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. (9)
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Patriarchy is Easy - For Everyone but the Victim
SATURDAY, AUGUST 03, 2019
Posted by: Christ Reformation Church | more..
Eph 5:22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Gal 3:28 There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Patriarchy has great appeal. It appeals to...
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