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So according to a Pew research study that was done in 2019, almost a quarter, that is 23%, of US children under the age of 18 live in a home with one parent and no other adults. That particular statistic is almost three times greater than it is around the rest of the world, which is around 7%. The study also took time to look at living arrangements and how they differ according to religion. And it found that U.S. children from Christian homes or even non-religious families are equally likely to live in this type of arrangement. That's kind of sobering, is it not? But what really stands out, besides the obvious there, is the fact that Christian homes are on par with this same terrible trend. Many of the single-family homes, single-parent homes, are led by women. And many of those, the father is not in the picture at all. And it has had a devastating effect on the family. The role of fathers is paramount to a family's survival. God's design for the family unit was that it would be the foundation of society. And when I say family unit, what I am talking about is the marriage between a man and a woman only who procreate. But not all the statistics are negative. Jim Daly from Focus on the Family in a recent blog post noted the following, quote, Dr. Brad Wilcox of the National Marriage Project says that the best research shows, say that ten times fast, that for all races, kids who live with married mother and father are less likely to live in poverty, spend time in jail, and they are more likely to graduate from high school and successfully enter the workforce. And they are dramatically more likely to go to college. Then there's other research that shows that fathers make a big impact in the transmission of faith from one generation to the next. A professor at the University of Southern California states, quote, 56% of fathers and children who have close relationships also share the same level of religious participation. If that father-child relationship is weak, then the faith aspect will drop by about 20%. So today we're going to look again at the family unit and we're going to focus our attention on the critical role of fathers in the home. Statistics also prove that having a stable home environment can contribute to the success and well-being of our children. Second to the parent's relationship with Christ, the relationship between the husband and wife is essential in the home. A solid marriage will support a strong family unit. And so today we're gonna look at the parental relationship and unpack some of this today. Our primary focus is going to be on fathers, but not entirely exclusively. So let's take a look now at Colossians chapter three, beginning in verse 20. Just two verses this morning. So follow along as I read, beginning in verse 20. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. So the text is pretty clear. Children are to obey their parents. Well before your mind goes down the road that when we hear the word children that we just think small kids. Actually the word used for children here is pretty general and it's not age specific. So it's really speaking to any child who is still living at home. So you may be 18 and older but if you're living at home you are still living under your parents roof and therefore it's your parents rules and you have an obligation to obey. This word that is used for obey is a present tense imperative word and it is indicating a continuous obedience. And scripture repeatedly tells children to honor and obey. The fifth commandment that we read of in Exodus chapter 20 very important and there are other texts in the Old Testament that refer to children's and their relationship with their parents and consequences that for the child that strike or curse their parents. In the Old Testament that was punishable by death. Are you glad we're not living in the Old Testament? Proverbs tell us that children are to listen to parental instruction and to obey it. Proverbs 1.8, hear my son your father's instruction and forsake not your mother's teaching. Again in Proverbs 6.20, very similar, my son keep your father's commandment and forsake not your mother's teaching. In the New Testament we're told that disobedience is a mark of the ungodly. Here's what Paul said to Timothy, quote, for people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness but denying its power. 2 Timothy 3, 2-5, that's some pretty strong language from the Apostle Paul. But the key point that we need to take from this is the need for discipline. Now discipline is often viewed negatively. It's portrayed sometimes as a very big inconvenience. But psychologists discovered while conducting a survey of 1,728 middle class boys and their families that the boys who grew up in homes where discipline was administered appropriately had a higher self-esteem and they felt safe. And as parents, that's what we want for our children. We want them to grow up to be strong, functional adults. But it doesn't just happen on its own. It requires discipline. And this passage we see in Colossians refers not just to discipline by the parents, but it also is a command to children to be obedient. Now remember last week we looked at verses 18 and 19, and in verse 18 we saw this word submit, and we learned what that meant, particularly for wives, as a voluntary submission. But this word obey that we see here is a very different word. Its command is much more absolute. But the other thing that's interesting about this word obey is it's actually made up of two words, listen and under. So we could actually literally read this verse as listen under your parents or really listen to your parents and do it. Now, for those of you who are parents, how many times have you said to your kid or kids, are you listening to me? Did you hear what I said? If you've said it once, I know you've said it a hundred times. Now remember, when you were a child, were you ever told to go sit in the corner and time out? And as you were sitting there, were you thinking something along these lines? I am sitting down on the outside, but I am standing on the inside. If you're honest, you'll say, uh-huh. So obedience is not just a physical. action where you carry out a task or your child carries out a task. It's deeper than that. The scriptures teach us that obedience to our parents as well as just obedience in general is a matter of the heart. And if you notice what Paul says in verse 20 when he says children obey your parents in everything. So children are to do what they're instructed to do whether they like it or not. But again, Paul uses these words in everything, and so we have to ask ourselves the question, is Paul suggesting that there are no exceptions to this? Is this just a carte blanche, across-the-board obedience, no questions asked? Well, not exactly. Like with any other passage in Scripture, we have to consider it within the context of the whole of Scripture. So, for example, in Acts 5.29, we hear what the disciples were saying to the leaders. We must obey God rather than man. So there's the key. The only time a child does not have to obey is when that command is contrary to God's law. Remember that famous quote from Martin Luther at his trial when he was defending himself? He said, quote, my conscience is captive to the word of God. To go against conscience is neither right nor safe. So in other words, it's not blind obedience. We don't obey a command if it goes against or violates God's word. But just like last week, we need to look to Ephesians for some more details. So if you pull out your insert, you'll see that I have Ephesians chapter 6 verses 1 through 4 printed there for you. So if you want to follow along as I read. It says, children obey your parents and the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you, and that you may live long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. So Paul gives some important information here in the Ephesians passage that we don't see in Colossians. The first thing that we see is he tells children to obey their parents because it is right. He's telling children obey your parents because it is right in the Lord. But he doesn't stop there. He says, honor your father and mother. And he's referring back to Exodus chapter 20, verse 12, where we read the fifth commandment of the Ten Commandments. And where we read, honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. So what does it mean to honor our parents? Well, what it means is we give them the proper respect that is due to them because of who they are and the role that they play in our life. And as we get older, it means that we show deference to our parents and that we provide for them when they need it. But see, here in the West, you know, America, we just don't honor and respect our elders very well. We could learn a thing or two from the Asian world on how to properly honor our parents. But also here in the Ephesians passage, Paul highlights the promise that's associated with the command to honor our parents. It says that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Well, God will reward your obedience and honor with living long in the land. Now this promise doesn't just mean a long life. I mean we all probably know some people who honored their parents very well but did not have a long life. But it really is pointing to the fact that as a Christian you would have life that is filled with God's presence and favor. Now the role of both parents is extremely important and we learned last week that God has ordained a divine order within the home and he has put on the husband and the father the responsibilities for his wife and his children. This is something that kind of bothers some people, but the man is the head of the home. 1 Corinthians 11 3 tells us that I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ. The head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. This is the divine order. But the role of husbands and fathers is not only to provide for the family's material and disciplinary needs, but also to the emotional and spiritual needs as well. Sadly, too often that gets deferred to the woman in the house. But men, it's on you. God has put it on you for these things. Consider the story of Lee Harvey Oswald, JFK's assassin. As a child, he was harassed, he was bullied, and was rejected. He didn't have any parental affection, discipline, or training in those formative years. When Oswald became an adult, he experienced more of the same. His miserable life experiences are often paralleled by many thousands of kids today. One commentator said, quote, the American family experience is a relational desert, unquote. Oswald's dysfunctional upbringing so skewed his psyche that he was bound for a troubled and short life. And there are untold numbers of children who suffer from a less dramatic experience like Oswald's, but nonetheless, they are deprived of parental discipline and love that would set them up, and it sets them up for a difficult adult life. And the apostle addresses what happens when parents, particularly fathers, neglect, aggravate, or discourage their children repeatedly. He speaks directly to the role of fathers regarding the emotional and spiritual needs of the home. Look again in Colossians 3 passage at verse 21. He says, Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. The New Living Translation begins verse 21 like this, Fathers, do not aggravate your children. The New American Standard Bible begins verse 21 with, Fathers, do not antagonize your children. But I really like how the amplified version treats verse 21. Listen to how it writes it. Fathers, do not provoke or irritate or exasperate your children with demands that are trivial or unreasonable or humiliating or abusive, nor by favoritism or indifference treat them tenderly with loving kindness, so they will not lose heart and become discouraged or unmotivated with their spirits broken. Now, several years ago, I was playing golf with a friend of mine. He was a golf course superintendent, and he was a pretty good golfer in his own right. But while we were playing, he observed a technical issue with how I was gripping my golf clubs. He noticed that I was holding on to the club too tightly, kind of like a baseball player. And he told me, he says, this is causing a problem with how you're striking the ball, and there's literally no control over where your ball goes. I will just mention I hunted for golf balls repeatedly. So he gave me a tip. He said, think about an open tube of toothpaste. Learn how to grip that tube of toothpaste firm enough so you can hold on to it, but not so firm that it just spews toothpaste all over the bathroom. But learn how to have the right amount of grip on that tube of toothpaste. It was good advice. It improved my golf game. It's not saying much, but it improved. But obviously raising children isn't a game of golf. But we can learn something from my friend's advice about not gripping our children too tightly that would aggravate, provoke, or irritate them, and also not holding onto our kids too loosely where it allows them to be undisciplined and run amok. So there is a sweet spot, so to speak, on how we raise our kids. Now raising kids is a challenge whether you have one child or multiple children. But one thing's for certain, the complexity is multiplied when there are more than one child in the home. And this creates a little challenge for parents because parents need to understand the differences between their children because not all their children are exactly the same. So we have to learn what that child's currency is and what I mean by that. What motivates them? How do they respond to challenges? How are they going to respond to discipline? Proverbs tells us to train up a child in the way he should go. And so our job is to instruct our kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, as we read in Ephesians 6. The goal, though, is not to break our children's spirits, but we are to break the spirit of rebellion in our kids. So, we're not to be, this might bother some people, but we are not to be our children's best friend. We are to be their parent. Now, that doesn't mean we're to be tyrants. We need to guide, we need to mentor, we need to discipline our kids. Again, the goal is to raise up children who can leave the nest and be committed to Jesus Christ, be strong and productive adults. It's a tall order, but it can be accomplished, but it requires prayer, loving guidance, and proper biblical discipline. R.T. Roberson said, quote, at best the training up of a child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord is a problem. It is only possible at all when the father really loves his child and knows how to be firm and gentle at the same time, unquote. So again, it's that picture of holding that open tube of toothpaste with the appropriate amount of pressure. Now our text also tells fathers not to provoke or exasperate our children. John MacArthur phrases the first part of that verse like this, stop nagging your kids. But MacArthur also goes on to list 10 things that will contribute to a child becoming discouraged, or to say it another way, for a child to lose heart. And so I want to walk through those 10 items that MacArthur provided. The first one is this, overprotection. Have you ever heard the term helicopter parent? If you don't give your child age-appropriate freedom, and you're strict about everything, what ends up happening is you're communicating a lack of trust. And your child will come to believe that how they behave is irrelevant. The second thing he notes is showing favoritism. So if you compare one sibling to another in an unfavorable light, will just create a huge amount of frustration and it will negatively impact the child's self-worth. The third thing is devaluing their worth. This is often done by not listening to your children. Children will give up trying to communicate with their parents if they don't feel like they're being heard. Number four, establishing unrealistic goals. We need to reward our children for their successes. And if we don't, and we create an atmosphere that is communicating to the kids that nothing they do will ever be enough, it's not going to end well for them. And parents, let me just warn you, don't attempt to live vicariously through your children because of opportunities you've lost. Number five, lack of affection. We have to show love to our children, not just in words, but in appropriate physical affection. You know a hug goes a long way. Number six, provide for their needs. Our kids just want to know that there's a roof over their head, that there's clothes that they have to wear, that there's food on the table. But they also need appropriate privacy. They need a place to play and a place to study. Number seven, lacking standards. This is the flip side of overprotection. Lack of discipline and leaving a child on their own can result in them not being able to handle the freedom that they have. And it can create significant insecurities and really a sense of feeling unloved. Number eight is criticism. Haim Jannat wrote, quote, a child learns what he lives. If he lives with criticism, he does not learn responsibility. If he learns to condemn himself and to find fault with others, he learns to doubt his own judgment, to disparage his own ability, and to distrust the intentions of others. And above all, he learns to live with continual expectation of impending doom, unquote. So our homes need to be a positive and a constructive environment. Number nine is neglect. Most often this is going to show up in the form of rebellion. The classic biblical example of this is Absalom. David treated Absalom with indifference. As a result, he rebelled. There was a civil war. And it ended, unfortunately, with Absalom's death. So parents, we have to be involved in our kids' lives. And then number 10 is over-discipline. This is a parent that abuses their child, whether it's physical, emotional, or verbally, doesn't matter. And I would say to those who are in the process of raising their kids, never discipline your child when you are angry. That's just not a good time to do it. If you need to step away for a few minutes, do so. We only want to discipline our kids in a loving way, just as God our Father in heaven does for us. So these 10 things, Over-protection, showing favoritism, devaluing their worth, establishing unrealistic goals, lack of affection, providing for needs, lacking standards, criticism, neglect, and over-discipline. We need to be very careful as parents to not do those things. Because when we provoke or exasperate our children, it tends to just not end well. The Bible again tells us to raise up our kids in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. In other words, we need to show grace to our children and we need a velvet hand in our discipline. The consequences for disobedience are to be appropriate for the offense and measured so that the child learns and is corrected but is not broken at the same time. We need to remember that Jesus Christ provided grace for us by paying for our sins on the cross. He suffered the full wrath of God in his body so we as believers would not have to. And so parents, we need to be that example of grace in the love of Christ in our disciplining of our children. Again, Proverbs 22, 6 tells us to train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. So those early years for our children are the formative ones. And as Christians, we need to follow the biblical instructions on training our children. It's important to be faithful in training our kids, especially for strong-willed children because with those sometimes it just seems like nothing is getting through. And so I talked to my brother and he gave me permission to use his story and so I want to give a kind of a personal family experience from many years ago. My oldest brother was, his picture is next to Strong Willed Child in the dictionary. He was very rebellious. My parents had everything they could do to try to control him. And I don't even know all the details because I was pretty young at the time, but I did know one thing. Drugs and alcohol were part of the problem. And our parents finally reached the end of their rope and they made a gut-wrenching decision. Because of his continued rebellion and drug and alcohol abuse, my parents kicked him out of the house at age 17 before graduating high school. There's good news. He did eventually graduate high school. Didn't have a ton of options, so he joined the military, the Army, which, by the way, served proudly for 20 years with an honorable discharge. But he also signed up right after the Vietnam War ended. And at that particular time, there was a lot of vets who were struggling with substance abuse. But as he said, my brother, I fit right in. He went on to say, quote, throughout all this time, I didn't realize God was watching over me, even though I had turned my back from him and went as far away from living a godly life as you could imagine. After I received orders to South Korea, God intervened in my life. I met the most beautiful woman who eventually became my wife. She was always going to church, and she was begging me to go, but I refused for several years. Eventually, I agreed to go with her because I finally got tired of her asking. I started to go every Sunday and finally the Lord broke my stubborn heart. I rededicated my life to him and I have not looked back. And I assure you that is true. But our mom and dad had to make some pretty difficult choices. Nothing that they tried was getting through. But they also had other children at home to protect. So it wasn't just about Scott. And this story describes what some people have termed tough love. And it was definitely tough love. But I will say this, my parents never wavered, and listen to this, they never gave up hope for Scott, or for any of their children for that matter. They prayed for us faithfully for many, many years. Now we're familiar, most of us I'm sure, with the parable of the prodigal son that we see in Luke chapter 15. I had the privilege of owning my parents, both of them, their Bibles that they have, and I would keep them out in the living room, and I know that he had written a note on the prodigal son, and so I pulled his Bible and I looked at it, and in the margin, my dad wrote this. Praise God, as Scott and I retained fellowship, 1982. And in subsequent years, my dad would say it this way, my son came home. Now we don't have time to read the whole parable, but I do want to read verses 17 to 24 of Luke 15. But when he came to himself, he said, how many of my father's hired servants have more than enough bread? but I perish here with hunger. I will arise and go to my father, and I will say to him, Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. Treat me as one of your hired servants. And he arose and he came to his father, but while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion, and he ran and embraced him and kissed him. And the son said to him, Father, I have sinned against heaven and before you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son. But the father said to his servants, bring quickly the best robe and put it on him. And put a ring on his hand and shoes on his feet. And bring the fattened calf and kill it. And let us eat and celebrate. For this my son was dead and is alive again. He was lost and is found. And they began to celebrate. You see, when my parents kicked my brother out of the house, he had some really choice words for them, and for a long time they never spoke. But he came home by the grace of God. And so this dramatic account of my brother shows us the power of God and his faithfulness to his word. It went forth and it did not return void. Mom and Dad were faithful to teach us godly principles and discipline. Now my brother had to walk through hell before he surrendered, but for others it's not nearly as difficult. But the truth still remains. God's word is effectual and it will accomplish what it has been sent to do. So parents, if you're dealing with a strong-willed child and you're really tempted to lose hope, don't lose hope for your kids. And so as we close, I want to speak to parents and especially fathers. Be faithful to lead your family as the Bible instructs. Be patient even when you feel like it's not working. Pray for your kids. Lead by example. And if you make a mistake, don't be too proud to say you're sorry. And when you feel discouraged, hit your knees. But most importantly, don't dwell on your mistakes. Repent before the Lord and don't look back. Move forward, learning to lean on Christ and placing your children in his care. God is our perfect Father. He is loving. He is forgiving. He is our merciful example. Jesus Christ is the perfect model of our submission and obedience. And the Holy Spirit is our ever-present comforter who helps us in our weaknesses. Again, the family is God's idea. It's his creation. And a healthy, happy, loving family is a beautiful reflection of his love. The hymn, The Love of God, is an old and very powerful hymn, and we're going to sing it here in just a moment. But listen as I read verse one. The love of God is greater far than any tongue or pen can ever tell. It goes beyond the highest star and reaches to the lowest hell. Think about that. goes beyond the highest star. It reaches to the lowest hell. You know, the psalmist wrote in Psalm 139, beginning in verse 7, where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I ascend into heaven, you are there. If I make my bed in hell, behold, you are there. So God's love goes beyond the highest star. It reaches to the lowest hell. The guilty pair bowed down with care. God gave his son to win. His erring child he reconciled and pardoned from his sin. Let's pray.
Fathers and Children
Series Colossians
The role of fathers is paramount to a family's survival; in fact, God's design from the beginning is that the family unit should be the foundation for society. And by "family unit," I mean the way the Bible defines a family: Marriage between and man and a woman who then procreate.
Sermon ID | 98241851287289 |
Duration | 35:44 |
Date | |
Category | Sunday Service |
Bible Text | Colossians 3:20-21; Ephesians 6:1-4 |
Language | English |
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