OK, just a quick, serious note. Talking to Pastor Wilkins last night, I know he understands now that he calls us the West, as if we're savages. He's trying to reform us. He's working with us. He was a little disappointed in the lack of applause yesterday. He says he'll be patient with us, though. Applause are good, standing ovations are better. So, let's give him a proper welcome this time. Yeah, you know, I know sarcasm when I see it. Yeah, right, yeah. Oh, it changed. Yeah, drag him through the streets. Okay, I thought elders were supposed to be truthful men. That's disappointing. That's really what's disappointing. Yeah, right. Okay, let's truly get serious. Now, let me read again. I just want to read again. I felt like, well, I should read another passage, but this is such a truly, even though it's very familiar, I want you to hear it again. And I'm just going to read a portion of it today. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church, and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. That's the word of the Lord. Let's pray. Thank you, Lord, for giving us this day. Thank you for letting us be together in this place and this week. We pray your blessings again on us. Help us to hear your word, to love the things that you've said and are saying to us, and help us to learn from them so that we can be conformed to Jesus, our Savior. We pray in his name. Amen. I want you to remember something that you need to tell yourself every day. We are living in a comedy, not a tragedy. You're baptized into Jesus. And that means his story becomes yours. And that means you're living in a comedy. A comedy is something that looks like a tragedy, but in the end you end up laughing and rejoicing because everything turns around in the end. Jesus' life looked like a tragedy, right? But then in the end, everybody ends up dancing and singing and rejoicing in the streets and we're having this big party. That's what a comedy is. And your life and my life in Jesus is a comedy. Tell yourself that on the days when things are just miserable and you're ready to shoot everybody that shows his head and all that. Remember, remind yourself of that reality because that is the reality. We're living in a comedy. In fact, we're living in a romantic comedy. It's even better. God shows us in his word that history is fundamentally a love story. It's the story of how the love of the triune God burst forth in the creation of the world, spread among men as the father sought out a bride for his son through the work of the spirit. And Paul tells us, and we learn elsewhere, that our marriages are to be a reflection of this grand love story. Husbands are to love their wives as Jesus loves his bride. And wives are to submit to their husbands as the church submits to Jesus. So our marriages are to show forth the glories of Christ's love for his church. And the ultimate purpose, then, of our marriage is to provide a creaturely replica and reenactment of the gospel. And you have to keep that in mind. You are charged with that calling. And that's the most important thing about your marriage. our marriages are to be microcosms of this grand romantic comedy that God is working out in the earth that overarches and undergirds all of history. So as we seek to live happily ever after, which is, that's the way comedy is in, we seek to live happily ever after, we're giving the world a glimpse of where God is taking the world and all of creation in Jesus. Okay? Now, all this This tells us that marriage was not created for our personal fulfillment, or I should say, merely for our personal fulfillment. Rather, marriage is for the world. It's not just for you. It's for the world, and you have to keep that in mind as well. You're living in a comedy, and your life is going to be used to transform the world. Your marriage is going to be used to transform the world. And so this tells us that if marriage is to flourish, if marriages are to flourish, they must follow the pattern of Jesus' love for his bride. And so Paul commands husbands to love their wives just like Jesus loves the church. And how did he love the church? Most supremely, he gave himself up for it. You see, he gave his life for her. And this means that every happy and fruitful marriage has the cross at the center. centered around the cross. Husbands can't love their wives without denying themselves and taking up the cross. And wives can't love and respect and honor their husbands without denying themselves and giving themselves to their husbands taking up the cross and following Jesus. So it's clear then that marriages which deny the centrality of the cross cannot survive or at least they can't prosper like they ought to because of the mutual unwillingness of the partners, husband and wife, to die to themselves and give themselves to each other, like Jesus did for the church. Marriage not only then illustrates the gospel, but it desperately needs the gospel. See? Both things. In order to survive and prosper, you need the gospel. You need to remember the gospel. And this passage in Ephesians remarkably keeps that before us, doesn't it? And when you read it over and over again, Paul keeps saying things, and he says, yes, because husbands love your wife. Why? Because Jesus loved the church and gave himself for it. That tells you how you got to love your wife. Wives submit to your husbands. Why? Well, because the church submits to Jesus. That's why. And that's why it's such a horrible thing for you to think it's wrong to do that, or to think you don't have to do that. It's a terrible thing. It's a terrible thing for husbands not to love their wives like this. So the gospel is at the center, and couples are not called to find their fulfillment in each other, but in enabling one another to serve more fruitfully in God's kingdom. That's the overarching of marriage. Marriage finds its true meaning and direction only when its goal and its ultimate purpose is serving something bigger than itself. You find your goal in life when you serve someone other than yourself. You've got to be out there. You've got to be a blessing to those around you. And that's your calling. That's your purpose. And that's when you're happy. Because you're all of a sudden being what you should be. You're being what God created you to be and called you to be. when husbands and wives, marriage only prospers when husbands and wives understand that they haven't been brought together merely for their own mutual satisfaction, but primarily for the growth and furtherance of the kingdom. And you have to keep your eye on the goal. Otherwise, you're going to get distracted because he keeps on doing that. And she keeps on saying that. And he just will not, dah, dah, dah, whatever. And she won't do, dah, dah, dah, whatever it is. But you see, this almost sounds heretical in our day. It sounds so strange that when you hear it, you think, you almost want to reinterpret it and say, well, I know he's not saying that. Yes, I am. And so is Paul. But we think it's almost heretical because everywhere you look, especially in movies, but anywhere else you look, everybody's telling us that everything's for my personal fulfillment. Right? So if I get married, that'll be for me, because I need it. If we have children, that'll be for me, because that will help me to grow into the full person I want to be. You hear some of these interviews with some of these people that are called famous, and you think, what in the world, is there anything outside of you that might be of significance? Because everything is in terms of them. Well, you just got married. How is it? Oh, I'm just finding who I am. You just want to say, you know what, go look in the mirror and that is you. I promise that's you. I just, I found you. I'm helping you. That's really you right there. You're right here in the room. We can quit that and move to something else. But this is really, it's a completely, you know, and so you hear even Christian couples being encouraged to find all they need in each other. And they talk like that. And they don't even understand that it's a completely pagan view of love. That's completely pagan. There's nothing Christian about that. That's why so many couples feel like they don't need good friends and they don't even need their families. They certainly don't need the church. They don't think they need anything outside of each other except one another. And that's deadly. There's no way that can work. One author has noted that this perspective has created a new religion. He said it's called the religion of coupledom. That's what he calls it. The goal of every man and every woman is to live in exquisite union, providing all they need for each other as human beings as they live together. Of course, the defining moment of this religion is when they're alone in the bedroom. But this is utterly contrary to the biblical view. And you have to see that this message that's being promoted all around us is so satanic, it's almost It's almost unbelievable it's allowed to go forward. The sexual relationship between a husband and wife is vital to marriage, but that's not the climax of our relationship. Rather, it's the means by which we become who we ought to be. A new family, serving God together for the good of the world. This author, the same author that referred to the religion of coupledom, he says, if my dear wife ever thought I could be everything for her, then she certainly knows better now. Give me a couple of weeks, you know, I'm sure of that." And he goes on, and of course, if I think marriage is there to meet my needs, what do I do when it fails to meet them, as it always will? So what do you do then? Well, you know what you do. You either seek around for something else, something more, additional this or additional that, or you walk, or you Are you just going to yourself and ignore her? Because it's not me you need, what's the use of it? But he says this, the moment I make my relationship the goal of my life, I doom myself to disappointment. Surprisingly, the key to a good marriage is not to pursue a good marriage, it's to pursue the honor of God. Can we grab onto that for a moment? The key to your marriage is not to focus on your marriage and talk about your relationship all the time. The key to this is die to yourself, seek to serve one another, and make one another rich and full, and seek to serve the world for the glory of God together. And all of a sudden, magically, your marriage and your relationship is going to be glorious. I promise, because that's what God says. That's the way God made the world. Marriage is not to be exclusively a one-on-one relationship in which husbands and wives transform one another by their mutual love. Now you do that. That's the remarkable thing about marriage. Love transforms. Love recreates. And when you love and are loved, you are transformed into someone new. You really are. But the purpose of that is what I'm after here. Our face-to-face relationship is for the purpose of enabling us to stand side-by-side so that our love flows out to the world and transforms the world. We are transformed by our relationship face-to-face, one-on-one, together, so that we can then turn and stand side-by-side and be a force to transform the world. That's what's going on here. That's how this works. Our marriages must aim at something bigger and wider and deeper than sexual satisfaction and personal contentment and happiness. Marriage is ordained by God to enable each man and each woman to be of greater service to the kingdom than they were by themselves. That's why you should really want to be married and pray to be married, because that doubles your service. It doubles your impact. It multiplies your impact. Because then you start having children, God willing, and you start having true, amazing, one little puny you, you're going to transform the world. And the remarkable thing is, you're transforming the world, and NBC doesn't know who you are. Thanks be to God. They don't know who you are. They don't know who we are. They don't even know our names. They think we're goofy if they even meet us. And it doesn't matter, because we're the ones transforming the world, not them. And you've got to see this, because this is the way God works. This is how he has created us to work, us to live. It's ordained this way. And this is how things work in a faithful marriage. The joy of the husband and wife relationship flows out. And it not only transforms them, but it starts transforming the world in hospitality to others, in pursuing excellence in the workplace, in giving generously of their resources to assist others and help others and move forward the kingdom, in caring for the needy, in befriending the friendless. And like I said the other night, some of the people that are broken, they need to be in your house. And just not for counseling so much officially, just sitting there enjoying the fun. Because they haven't had fun in a long, long time. And they need to enjoy it and learn what it means to laugh again. Learn what it means to enjoy just being together again with people. They've got to learn that. And we are, thank you. Is this water? Water. Life. Spirit. Yeah. And rearing a new generation to take our places that will do it better than we have because they've They've learned from our mistakes, and they've learned how to be better about various things, and they're going to be much more glorious than we were. Now, you see, this doesn't mean that finding happiness and satisfaction in marriage is unimportant. I don't want you to hear me saying, I don't care about your relationship, your stinking relationship. Who cares about that? Or your happiness. Who cares about your happiness? No, I don't. I don't care. No, I'm not talking like that. It's simply to understand that you've got to get this all in perspective and in place. In order to find happiness and satisfaction, you must not make your happiness and satisfaction your goal. It's not your goal. If you're seeking that, then you're never going to find it. Because to live, you have to die. If you're going to find yourself, you have to lose yourself. If you're going to be exalted, you have to first humble yourself and be willing to lay down your life, and then you will gain it again. That's the way God has created the world. You live by giving up yourself and dying to yourself. You must be buried in order to be resurrected and to bear fruit. Orthodox scholar Alexander Schmemann, he has some really amazing books and works, but he makes this observation about marriage. A marriage which does not constantly crucify its own selfishness and self-sufficiency, which does not die to itself, that it may point beyond itself, is not a Christian marriage. The real sin of marriage today is not adultery or lack of adjustment or mental cruelty. It's the idolization of the family itself and the refusal to understand marriage as directed toward the kingdom. Amen to that. Right on. And Schmaben goes on to say it's the idolization of the family that makes the family so easy to destroy. Absolutely right on the mark. Why is it that our families are being destroyed? It's because we vitalized them. We said that's the most important thing. Nothing more important than family. Yes, there is. The family of God, for one. The kingdom of God, for another. Lots of things are more important than your family. And you. That doesn't mean you hate your family or despise your family. It just means, look, get it all in the right place so that you truly can glory in your family. But if you exalt your family to the place of the church or God, then you've made a drastic mistake and you're going to end up destroying your family. That's what happens with idols. They get smashed. And Schmemann says that's what's going on. The family's been easy to destroy because Christians have made an idol of it. If you're constantly focusing on your own happiness and well-being, you will never sustain a marriage or a family at all. It's only when you look away from yourself and your happiness and give yourself for the good of your wife and your family and the glory of God that your marriage can flourish and you will gain the happiness that you desire and truly need. We do. We want to be like God. God is supremely blessed. He's full of joy. And He wants us to be full of His joy as well, but we must get it like He gets it. He gives Himself to the world. He gives Himself to you. And He rejoices because of that. He becomes more full of blessedness because of the way God lives, if I can talk like that. He is always giving himself to you and therefore he's always full of joy. And that's the way it works for you. Marriage is not for us, it's for the world. But if our marriages are to be for the world, what does that mean for us? It means a lot. I just want to go over one thing this morning. And then we'll go over some more this evening. It's going to require a commitment to love one another just like Jesus loves you. Now, we love Jesus loving us. We love it that he is patient with us. We love it that he forgives us every time we ask. We love it that he forgives us even though we did the same thing again, and yet he forgives us again. We love that. But we don't like to love like Jesus loves to anybody else, because that... I mean, what are you asking me? You actually think I have to forgive you every time? And people say, Christians say this, I'm going to see if I can find it in my heart to forgive you. You know, you really wonder, Jesus, how do you keep from punching these people? They're trying to find it in their heart. That's such an obnoxious, blasphemous thing to say. If you can't find it in your heart, what's wrong with you? Has Jesus loved you at all? What gives you the right to be bitter against anybody? Tell me what they've done. I don't care what it is. It's not bigger than what you did to Jesus. Not close. And if you're bitter against someone, you better repent in dust and ashes today, right now, because Jesus has forgiven you billions of times more than you could ever forgive anyone else. Now, we gotta love like Jesus loves. And marital love doesn't consist of white-hot feelings of unquenchable lust. And I'm certainly not against that at all. I am altogether for that. Everyone should be, and you better be, because God himself has white-hot feelings. He gets into it, man. He is jealous for his bride, and he defends her, and he is white-hot against anybody who touches her. So he has a real, we can say, holy lust for his bride. And every husband ought to have that. But marriage doesn't consist of that all the time. Otherwise, we just burn out like a firecracker. That was a beautiful thing, those two hours you had to eat. That's it, it's over, done. But that's not the way it works. Rather, marital love is characterized more by persistent, persevering loyalty. to love one another throughout all your days. And again, this doesn't mean there's anything wrong with white-hot emotion and desire. It's just that that's not what shapes the relationship. It's a great thing. It's a good thing. But in the end, G.K. Chesterton said, look, if marriage consisted of white-hot desire, what would become of the groceries? Who wants to go shopping? Not me. I mean, we're not doing none. So it's wonderful, it's fine, but that's not the relationship. Biblically understood, marital love is covenant love. Like everything else, it's shaped by the love of God. It's a love expressed in a commitment to do your husband or your wife good and not evil for as long as you live. And that means that you're committed to act in a certain way towards your spouse, even when you don't feel like it. And especially when you don't feel like it. You see, we don't think that way. We think like pagans. Because pagans think they've got to feel it before they do it. You've got to feel like it. You've got to be in the mood. You've got to have the vibe before you do it. That's the way pagans are. Unfortunately, that's the way Christians are. Because we think the same way. God says, no, you have to love. I'm not talking about getting in the mood. I'm saying love one another. That's the command. It's not an advertisement. He's not selling anything to get you in the mood. He's telling you how you have to act. Because love, Paul says, means doing good and not evil. Love fulfills the law. So you're committing to act in a certain way. You're to persevere in love for your wife, even when she's not attractive to you, and especially when she's not attractive to you. Just like God continues to love you when you are not attractive to Him. Right? He doesn't cease to love you when you get up one morning and start griping and complaining about His weather and His temperature and His humidity and His this and His that. All the things he's done, you don't think of it that way, but that's what you're doing. And yet he still loves you. You're griping and complaining about everything he's done, and yet he still loves you. You're not attractive to him, and yet he still loves you. You've got to live toward one another in the same way. Marriage requires a commitment to continue to love, even when you like to pinch his head off. And those times are inevitable. because of sin. There's not something wrong with your marriage because, you know, every week you have an occasion where you just want to poof your head off. That's not, there's nothing wrong with your marriage. That's normal. How else could it be for people who are corrupted by sin and still are not free from all of our sin? And especially when you're living, if you're living properly in the marriage relationship, it's a very intimate relationship. Your spouse should, it can be and should be your best friend, but that sort of intimacy has the potential to make your spouse your greatest enemy. Right? Nobody can hurt you like the one you love. Strangers, I mean, all kind of people that I never know have said nasty things about me. I mean, I still eat breakfast. I hadn't lost my appetite, obviously, or anything. I hadn't lost a bit of sleep. I don't even know those people. They're crazy. That's all I know about them. They're insane. But that doesn't bother me. But if my wife says something, she doesn't even have to mean it. And I'm not able to eat. I'm not able to do much at all. It's debilitating. You can be hurt by those whom you love more deeply than you'll ever be hurt by those who hate you. And that's why this is a volatile relationship. That's why we've got to be careful about the way we live together. And keep the goal in mind. Keep your eyes on the goal, not on yourself. C.S. Lewis defined love this way. He said, Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained. It's not an affectionate feeling. It's a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained. That's what you're doing. That's the kind of love that makes marriage work. And again, this doesn't mean, in no way does this mean that romance is not important. Or that, don't worry about romance, or that's just something, yeah, you know, people get their feelings off. No, emotions and feelings are all part of this. Emotional frantic attraction is not sinful. It's not unprofitable. There's nothing wrong with it. It's quite normal, and we can say even necessary. Though true enough, frantic attraction is found mostly when love is in its immature stage. I mean, I can't think about anybody but her while we're dating. I can't study, I can't, you know, I can't, what is the song? I can't dance, can't sing, living without you. Well, that's the way it is. And there's a wonderful, there's a good thing about that. It does a great thing for us. G. K. Chesterton, in only Chesterton's way, says, that's a great stage of love. And it's very important, he says, and an essential function in the early stages of marriage. He says, the differences between a man and a woman are at best so obstinate and exasperating that they practically cannot be got over unless there's an atmosphere of exaggerated tenderness and mutual interest. The sexes are two stubborn pieces of iron. If they are to be welded together, it must be while they are red hot. Every woman has to find out that her husband is a selfish beast, because every man is a selfish beast by the standard of a woman. But let her find the beast, find out the beast, while they're both still in the story of the beauty in the beast. And every man has to find out that his wife is cross, that is to say, sensitive to the point of madness, For every woman is mad by the masculine standard. But let him find out that she is mad while her madness is worth more considering than anyone else's sanity. You see, that's why that frantic attraction is so important. You gotta have it. You gotta have it. And so this level of romantic love is an important thing. It performs an essential function and it performs it very well. But it has to mature. You can't live like that. What becomes of the groceries? It has to mature into the promissory love that's exemplified by Jesus. Jesus is not enamored with our looks. He's not enamored with our sense of humor, our dimples, or our legs, or how we look in a long dress, or with sunglasses, or anything else. He loves us because he's committed to doing us good and not evil. He's not enamored with you. He knows the worst about you, but he loves you because he's committed himself to doing you good and not evil, and to glorifying you, bringing you to glory. And his commitment is permanent. and his bride knows it because he keeps saying it. And it's because she is confident in his commitment that she can have the confidence in him to love in return and respond to his love. So what gives the bride the security necessary to commit herself to her bridegroom is his love for her, his assurance that he will never leave her or forsake her. Our love has to be just like that. And thus if the feelings for your mate are not present, then you act in love towards him or her anyway, with the expectations that the feelings will follow. Now you see, some people mock this, but let me just re-emphasize this. This is the way you live in many, many areas. You just don't think about it. We know that this is the way God's created us, but because of our society, because of the lies of Satan, because of the way modern people think, We don't think that way. We refuse to accept this intellectually, even though we know this is how things work in so many other situations of life. Because of the way God's created us, our actions always shape and mold and produce our feelings and attitudes. We're not bodies with distinct, separate little souls that rattle around inside like a, you know, a BB in a bottle. Your body's the bottle and your soul just keeps rattling around. Your soul is not located in your brain, or in your heart, any more than it's in your big toe. Your soul is suffused through your body. So that if I touch your body, and if I break something on your body, I'm going to affect your soul. Because you are a body-soul preacher. Our souls can't be separated from our bodies except at death. And that's unnatural. That's why the resurrection is essential to salvation. That's why, you know, we were talking about heaven yesterday, and I said that the church is, that Revelation 21 is not talking about heaven. Well, right, because, I mean, heaven is certainly wonderful, but like N.T. Wright said, I mean, heaven's a wonderful place, but it's not the end of the world. We've got to realize there's more to that. Salvation is at the resurrection, not in heaven. If you're in heaven, you're not saved. Not completely. Only at the resurrection is salvation finished, because then you're all that you are meant to be. Then you're glorified, and everything is restored. You have your body back, because that's who you are. You're not a disembodied spirit in your real essential nature, whatever that stuff is. You are you, your body and soul. And it's important that you remember that the resurrection is essential. That means then that what I do with my body affects my soul. What happens to me from outside affects my soul. You know this because if you have pain or if you go through an extended sickness, what happens to your soul? You get depressed and you get irritable. and you're hurting, and if you're hurting, it's hard to be happy, it's hard to share joy with anybody. It affects you. It affects your whole attitude. When you go through a bad stretch in life, and you've got all these stresses and disappointments and tragedies happening around you, you're depressed. And that's outside of you. Why should that affect your soul? Well, because what affects my body affects my soul. My body is me. And when you face bad weather, you know, or you go through a period where maybe it doesn't rain all that much here, but we can go through stretches where you don't see the sun, you know, it'd be just raining every day. And everybody gets aggravated and irritated and depressed and all the rest. So because, again, because that's the way we're created. Throughout scriptures, that's the way things work. And we find the other way, too. Our inward attitudes always take shape in bodily actions and gestures. So we can tell, you can tell when your children are angry. They may not say anything, but it's the way they're sitting, or the way they're standing, or the way they walk. And you go, whoa, whoa, whoa, come here. What's wrong with you? They go, nothing. Yes, it is. And how do you know that his soul is messed up? Because you just saw him walking by. They're doing that and you say, this ain't right man, something's wrong with you. You know, we're going to get happy, I'm going to slap it out of you or whatever. No, I'm being, that's not right. Strike that out of it. But we tell the children, look, you need, I don't care what your emotional commitment to that broccoli and rice was, Doesn't make a bit of difference to Daddy. You go and thank Mama that she took time and she took a lot of effort and she made that for you to eat. And you go thank her. And you go thank her right now. I don't care whether you liked it. I don't care whether you're going to write a story about it. I don't care. You go thank your Mama. And we do that. Why? So that they will learn to be thankful. Just because you feel bad, just because you didn't like something, that's no excuse for ingratitude. That's no excuse. Just because things didn't go like you wanted to, that's no excuse for ingratitude. You be thankful. You give thanks in all things, Paul says. Because that's what you're created for. And when you do that, you know what happens to you? When you tell someone, thank you for that. All of a sudden, you begin to realize, you know, I really should be thankful for that. I am thankful for that. I really appreciate that. And you become thankful when you do, when you act thankfully. That's the way it works. So when you get up on Sunday morning, you think, I don't want to go to church. I don't want to go to church. Good night. I feel bad. I don't feel good. I'm aching all over. It would be better to just stay home and watch this great football game that's coming up. I've already heard that sermon, I know, before. But you say, no, no, no. I'm going to go. We're going to go. Everybody get ready. We're going. And you go. And all of a sudden, you go, and the call to worship is given, the opening hymn, and you start singing. And you get into it, and the prayer goes up, and then the Bible is read and expanded. And all of a sudden, you're sitting there going, oh, it's the best thing ever. I am so thankful I didn't stay home. I would have missed out. And you would have missed out. And that's the way you're to live. You're to do what God says, regardless of how you might feel at the moment. And what you find is when you do what God says, your feelings are changed. When you give thanks, you become thankful. When you hug another person, your anger is dissipated, which is why you don't want to touch them when you're mad at them. Because you know, we get the boys, they'd have a fight and say, come here, first of all, you've got to ask forgiveness. And they'd ask forgiveness. And we'd say, now, the second thing is you need to hug each other. And they'd both go, no way! No! Don't make me hug you! We'd say, no, you have to hug him. You have to hug. And they would go, They'd be hugging, and pretty soon one of them would squeeze a little harder, and they'd start squeezing, and then they'd start laughing. You can't get mad at somebody, you can't stay mad at somebody if you're hugging them. That's why you've got to hug one another. It makes a difference. What you do with your body makes a difference. When you smile, light comes into your soul. That's just the way it is. And we all know it. But we've got to realize that what's true of all those things is true of love. When I act in love, I begin to change. God says, you love one another. And I mean by that, do them good and not evil. And I mean it. You do good to them. You act in love toward them. And so, and he's picking up on this principle, you worship whether you're in the mood or not. And if you're not in the mood, you especially need to worship, because then you'll get in the mood. If you don't want to pray, you don't feel like praying, that's when you really need to pray. Because when you pray, all of a sudden you begin to be thankful that you prayed, and you begin to want to pray. Calvin said, if I only prayed when I felt like it, my prayer life would die. And he's just being honest. Because that's the way it is for us. You do what you ought to do, whether you want to do it or not. You say, well, you know, I just feel so hypocritical. Why? You don't even understand what hypocrisy is, if that makes you feel hypocritical. You say, well, I can't go to church when I don't feel like it. That'd be hypocritical. No, it's not. What's hypocritical about that? Being a hypocrite means pretending to be something you're not. Right? Right? So when I go to church, when I don't feel like it, I'm not being hypocritical. I'm being who I am. That isn't hypocritical. What's hypocritical about it? You say, well, you don't feel like it. Okay, but I'm not pretending to be an unbeliever. I'm a Christian. And Christians worship on Sunday and they go to church. And when I go and I don't feel like it, I'm simply being who I am. I'm being sincere for the first time maybe during the week. And not being a hypocrite for the first time in the week. Right? I'm sick of this. You can't tell, obviously. Well, I don't pray because I know they'll be hypocritical. Unless you're not a Christian. I thought you were a Christian. I said, no, I'm a Christian. Well, then praying means that you're actually being honest about who you are. Don't give me this junk about feeling like a hypocrite. You don't even know what a hypocrite is, you hypocrite. You don't say one, be one. Get out of this hypocrisy. So, in the same way, you say, I don't feel like loving my wife, so be hypocritical. No. Who are you? Your husband. What are husbands supposed to do? Supposed to love their wives. So you get in there and love your wife. I don't care how you feel about that. I want you to go love her and start today and keep it up. And don't give me this stuff about not feeling like it. I don't care. God doesn't care. You're to be a husband. You really are her husband. This is how husbands are acting. When you do that, guess what's going to happen? All of a sudden, you're going to feel like a husband again. C.S. Lewis makes a helpful observation regarding this. He says, our love for ourselves doesn't mean that we like ourselves. It means that we wish our own good. In the same way, Christian love or charity for our neighbors is quite a different thing from liking or affection. We like or are fond of some people and not of others. And Lewis goes on to say that's not sinful any more than liking or disliking certain foods is sinful. It's what you do about your likes and dislikes that can either be sinful or virtuous. Now think with me here. He says some people are cold by temperament. That may be a misfortune for them, but it's no more of a sin than bad digestion is a sin. And it does not cut them out of the chance or excuse them from the duty of learning charity, learning to love. The rule for all of us is perfectly simple. Do not waste time bothering whether you love your neighbor. Act as if you did. And as soon as we do this, we find one of the great secrets. When you're behaving as if you love someone, you will presently come to love them. If you injure someone you dislike, you will find yourself disliking him more. If you do him a good turn, you will find yourself disliking him less. Now, if you haven't found that to be the case, you need to start doing it because that's exactly the way it works, which is why you want to avoid people you don't like. You're mad at. Why don't you want to go to lunch with them? Because you know eating a meal is symbolic. And I can't be bitter against the person I eat with. If I'm eating with them, we're friends. So I'm mad at that guy and I'm not about to go eat with him. You see, that's the way we react. That's exactly what Lewis is talking about here. Good and evil, he says, increase at compound interest. The more you act in love, the more you love. The more you refuse to act in love, the more you decrease in love. One more quote from Lewis. It's too good not to quote it. The difference between a Christian and a worldly man is not that the worldly man has only affections and likings and the Christian has only charity. The worldly man treats certain people kindly because he likes them. And thus, listen, thus the circle of his kindness remains small and diminishes as the people he likes disappoint him. But the Christian, trying to treat everyone kindly, finds himself liking more and more people as he goes on, and including people he would not even imagine himself liking in the beginning. So the circle of, if you say, I like so and so, I'm going to be kind to that guy. Your circle of love is going to continue to shrink until it ends up with just your puny self in the middle and you're in hell. If you say, no, God has told me to love my neighbor, to love the world, and I'm going to act kindly toward everyone I meet. What you find is your circle of love continues to increase and it gets bigger and bigger and you start caring about people If I mentioned them to you, you know, a year ago, you'd have thought, I'll never, I'll never be interested in that person, they so offend me. And you start acting kindly toward them, all of a sudden they become another one of those inside the circle. Your circle gets bigger and bigger. That's reality, because that's the way God is, and that's the way we have been made as his image bearers. That is vital to understand. Acting in love produces love where there was none previously. Acting in love increases love where it's diminished. Acting in love revives love where it's died out. So what do you do when you find yourself not really liking your husband or your wife? I've had couples come to me and say, you know, my problem here is I can't stand him. And he goes, and I'm sick of her. So, you know, there's no other alternative. That's all, that's just the way it is. I'm supposed to sit there and go, oh well, what can we do? There's no solution to this one, is there? And you can't believe the expression when I say, well, you know what, I don't care about that. So here's the counsel. You, hubby, you gotta love her. Because God says you have to love her. So you start right now. And the first thing you can do is ask her forgiveness for saying what you just said. That you can't stand to be in the same room with her. Ask her forgiveness for that right now. And you, wifey, you gotta love him. And the first thing you can do is ask his forgiveness for saying you can't stand him anymore. And you keep that up until you love one another again like you ought to. That's the way we're created. This is what happens. You see, and when it happens, you see what happens here is when you begin to do this, and whether it's the husband or the wife who takes the initiative, it doesn't, it often doesn't really matter. But what happens when she, when the wife, let's say the wife can't stand her husband, that's her honest position, but all of a sudden she realizes, okay, I'm commanded to love him and honor him and that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to act as if I feel warmly affectionate toward him. I'm going to be kind to him, I'm going to be merciful, I'm going to try to be thoughtful of him. And she starts doing that. What does the husband do after he gets over the shock? He all of a sudden starts saying, hey, hey, what's going on? I say, nothing, I'm just, I've just realized I haven't been a good wife and I'm going to try to be a good wife to you and show you I love you. And all of a sudden, he starts breaking down and says, well, you know, I kind of have been messing up a little bit as a husband here. I guess I need to show you too. All right. That's right. That's exactly the way it works. And he starts sopping it up. And all of a sudden, she's got the man she wanted. And he's got a wife that he wanted. This is how biblical love transforms people. You've been brought together in order to serve one another and love one another into glory. You have to have a view of your spouse, not merely about who they are at present, but in terms of what God has destined them to be. And you love them into that future. God has promised to make our spouses part of the radiant, glorious bride of Jesus at the last day, and we must look at one another in light of that promise end, and then love one another in a way that helps them reach that goal. Rich Lusk put it this way, and I just quote it, our love, we're to love others into their futures. I like the way he said it. We're to love others into their futures. That's what Jesus does for us. Christ-like love is powerfully transforming. It transforms us when Jesus loves us, and when we begin to imitate him, we are transformed. This is illustrated in Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew. You know that story, right? So you have Petruchio, and he gets this really wild, crazy, insane, rebellious woman. And Petruchio has Katharina, takes her as his wife, and he starts treating her as if she's the most loving, submissive, respectful, kind woman that has ever existed. And she's nasty. And she's onerous. And she gets angry that he treats her that way. Why do you treat me that way? I'm not that way. And he goes, yes you are. You are so beautiful and so sweet and kind. And of course, all of a sudden, that's exactly what she becomes. He loves her. into what Jesus meant her to be. He saw her in the light of what she would be at the last day. Not only for what she was right now, but for what she will be in the future. Not only for what he is now, but what he is destined to be in the future. Love transforms, and we are to love one another in order to transform one another. The best way to make your spouse into the person that he or she ought to be is to treat them as if they're that person now. In a way, they are definitively in Christ. But husbands are to love disrespectful wives. Wives are to respect unloving husbands. And that's simply the application of the golden rule to marriage. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. And what we're doing there, we're not being hypocritical. We're imitating God. And don't you dare say God's hypocritical. That's not hypocritical. He loves and provides and defends us. And he knows what we're going to be one day. It's not because we are that, but we are going to that end. And that's our pattern in marriage. When you do this, the result will be your mate will become more fruitful and glorious and useful, not merely for you. but for your children and for the world, and marriage is for the world. Let's pray. Lord, help us to learn these lessons. They are so difficult for us, and we confess it. We confess our failures. We have sinned against our wives. We've sinned against our husbands. We've done evil to one another when we shouldn't have. We've spoken evil when we ought not to have. We've done all kinds of things that are contrary to your love. We pray that you'll teach us to love one another. And not just to love husband and wife, but to love our children in the same way, and to love one another in the church as we ought to, and practice these same things toward one another as we live together. Help us to do that. For Jesus' sake. Amen. That's a good question. I really like questions with their answers to. That really is a good question. I don't know. You know, that's the funny thing about eternity is that we're going to be there. We're going to be here, obviously, on the Earth. Earth is our place. And this will be our home base for exploring, for discovering, for taking dominion over all the universe. And it's a big universe. Lots of, you know, you can have your own galaxy if you like. It's that kind of thing. So we've got a lot to do, a lot to learn. And who knows what's going to happen? I don't know. But that's a great question. Roger. Marriage creates new worlds. It creates new people so that, you know, that's obvious, right? We think that rituals don't change anything, that they're just merely symbols, but it's not true. The ritual of the ceremony, marriage ceremony, transforms two individuals. They came in as two individuals with two different names, and they leave with one, and with different identities. So Harry comes in as this former football player, crazy wild guy, who's gotten serious about following Jesus, and he met Sally. Did I just do a movie thing? Okay. Harry met Sally. Okay. I take that back. It was Jennifer. So Harry met Jennifer. She comes in. She was a former sorority girl, but now she's serious and loves Harry. Harry loves her. And they are transformed to Mrs. and Mrs. Harry. And he becomes a husband, which is different. She becomes a wife, which is totally different. And it happened. And the time it took for the minister to declare them in the name of Jesus, husband and wife. That's a miraculous transformation that they're going to live out now. But they go out of that place completely new people into a new world. And they're going to create a new world as they live together. So it's a new creation in a very real sense. Yeah. Our love for one another, the need to love one another, our circle of friends, incorporating more people. With respect to Church growth, we talked about growth in the RCC last night. He said that we seem to be losing a particular dynamic when we get to the point where we've got 200 or 300 people in church. I just don't know everybody in church anymore because I meet people I've never met before. But as far as the dynamic that we had when we were smaller, they wanted to come over and know people. Should that be applied to churches shouldn't get over 200 people? I don't think you can make a hard and fast rule. Obviously, it's something that would naturally happen, but we've got to look at it a different way. In other words, if we're talking about friends, he was actually talking about a circle of love, which is different. In other words, I'm to be kind to everyone, and when I do that, I find that I start really caring about a much wider, the circle of my care and love increases, and it keeps on increasing as I continue to act in love toward the people around me. That doesn't mean that I'm going to have to have everybody over. for dinner. Physically, that's impossible. And the reality is, what we do in the church is that we begin, hopefully naturally, but sometimes it has to be done. We're thinking again about, we used to have small groups where we'd fit different people in the congregation that we knew didn't get together during the week. They were kind of opposite personalities. And we knew this person thought that one was kind of weird. They said, oh, they're in the same group. This is going to be fun. So we put everybody that was opposite in the same group. And then say, hey, y'all have to eat together, meet together. And it really worked well, because all of a sudden, once you start eating with people, you think, well, they're really human beings. I just thought they were aliens. And so you start caring about them. And that really helped us. So that was kind of an artificial thing. Naturally, it kind of happens that the more people you have, they have a different circle of friends and they get into a particular circle in the church. And hopefully there's community there where you have still something of that intimacy, even though you have a larger body. Now, this was clearly a problem because in Jerusalem, the church, when it got to what? Three thousand, five thousand members. Remember, that's why you can't set a limit on how big your church is. Jerusalem church, but it had problems. Cause then they started complaining. The Greeks started complaining that their widows were not being overlooked. You know, and that's what, that's what happens in a church. One family is like, yeah, if you're that, then yeah, of course you're going to get meals. We didn't get any, we were pregnant, you know, they don't care about us. And you forget, and it's one of those things that we have to, as elders, kind of keep in mind, say, hey, is anybody, do we care for this, you know, family? Express our love in those particular ways that are noticeable and everybody gets offended if it don't happen. But that's the kind of natural things we have to deal with when you get to a certain size. So I'm not saying this takes care of itself. It doesn't. It takes sometimes deliberation, prayer, thoughtful planning. and preparation, all the rest, to maintain what you want. You don't want five churches meeting in the same building, necessarily. We want to be one unified body, but recognize the reality that our close friends are always going to be a small circle. But we're going to be kind and care about all of the friends. All of our family is part of us. It's just like if you have a large family, like my family reunion, I honestly meet people I've never seen in my life, and they're like, you know, hi, I'm Uncle So-and-so. Wow! Where did you come from? And they really are uncles and aunts and all that. And you care about them, because that's family. That's the way families work. But obviously, we're not that close, because I never met them until three weeks ago. That kind of thing. And that's the way the church gets. But it's normal. Don't freak out over it. Just say, oh, man, this is great. I'm getting to know you. And I'm happy we've gotten to spend some time, because I hadn't had a chance to do it before. But let's do. And have that good spirit so that you're maintaining the family attitude, recognizing the realities when the family gets pretty big. We're not going to be able to get all of us get together like we used to back in the old days. But again, that's a new world. And that's what you're called to do. And don't be afraid of the transformation, even though it's going to require some changes and some differences. We ought to be happy that we've got that problem. Yeah. I'd rather have that problem than saying, wow, I wish we could get a 13th person to come to church. That's better. It's kind of mirrored where families are staying, you know? And so now, all of a sudden, how are we growing the church body in numbers? We also have grandchildren, great-grandchildren in the church who we love to see, love to spend time with, and, you know, they can see what happens, the whole new dynamic. This church probably doesn't. Right. They will be. Well, it's one of those things that it really that's I mean, that's obviously reality that happens is it's one it's one of the again, those things that that's not sin. It's completely understandable, but we can't allow that to happen like it would naturally happen. That's one of those things where we got to say, OK, look, I know. that y'all like to be together, but you've got other people besides your huge family that's just here. We've seen that in our house. On Sundays, we always had a bunch of people over, and sometimes it'd be people I didn't know, and I'm saying, who are you? Why are you here? Have I stopped people? Did somebody invite you here? Why are you here? But that's all right. That's the way it was. But now, see, we've got three of the guys are married and so they've got their children and we've got so we've got a crowd just with our family and we have to then have kind of pick and choose two or three others that can come and sit in and usually unmarried people. It's a problem. I mean, it's a problem. I can see the problem on that. And it gets to be a problem. And you just have to, again, sit down and say, what can we do? We don't want the new people coming in and feeling like, oh, good night. Everybody's married. This is a cult. Because it can look like that easily. And you can begin to, even though you don't want to think like that, you act like that. And you don't mean to, but it just works out that way. And you've got to consciously say, no, no. Let's scatter out, let's get some new people and some of the people we haven't met yet and the new members that joined last week, let's be sure to get with them. It just takes effort and it's just a matter, again, of realizing we're in a new world. The world never stays the same and we've got to be happy about that. Not threatened by it, not reluctant to move into that new world. Don't want to become Pharisees and Jews, you see, that was the big problem. They didn't like the changes. They didn't like having these people from different countries that weren't even circumcised and all that in the church. It was ridiculous to them. And it got to be a big problem. And the apostles just finally, you know, Paul comes out very strongly finally and says, OK, you're denying Jesus. If you're going to keep this attitude, you're denying Jesus. And we've got to be Sometimes equally rough with some of the members who don't like the changes. We don't like all these new people coming in and taking over. They're not taking over. This is their house. This is their family. They've got a right to be here and we're happy they're here. It's a new situation. We've got to adapt to the new situation. Move into the new world with grace and glory and joy. I see that too in marriage. I'd like to hear how you begin in marriage. Yeah, everything changes. Nothing stays the same. And you always kind of lament the fact, you know, that I remember when she had, you know, not going to happen anymore. Not going to drink warm milk, you know, and go to bed. I don't know, have that opportunity. Well, big deal. I mean, I wish I enjoyed that. That's a wonderful memory. But that's things change. And we got to be happy. that our children now are leaving and bringing in new people into the family and into the church and we're going to the new world and it's going to be better. We know it's going to be better because we're in a comedy, not a tragedy. We'll try to take time, usually in the mornings, for questions because we've got the campfire tonight. Of course, Pastor Wilkins is with us for the whole time. If there's other questions or comments you want to, he's always open to talk. And we really appreciate that, Pastor. Emma is going to have the young kids in here.