All right, let's pray. Lord Jesus, thank you again for the word we have heard this morning and for a reminder of the freedom that we have through the work of your son Jesus on our behalf. And we pray that you would help us as couples to walk in the Spirit and not fulfill the lusts of our flesh. And help us to disciple our children in that direction as well. Thank you for those that are visiting today. We pray that you would bless them and we thank you for this time together. We pray in your name. Amen. Well, we have spent, counting the two July sessions, We have had five sessions on foundations of parenting, primarily your relationship with the Lord and your relationship with each other. We're going to build on that in the last two weeks we have together. And we are going to take our comments the outline of the comments from this book called Tying Their Shoes by Robyn Stephanie Green. Rob is a pastor of counseling up at Faith Church in Lafayette and his wife is a nurse. or has been a nurse, and is, they have three children, and Rob is just, well they're wonderful folks. We're not giving you a book report this week about this, but we're rather using, I want to introduce you to that book because I think it's a must read, and as the notes say here on the screen, the hint is to read it together. That can be a little hard with work schedules, and if you already have children, that can be even more Sticky trying to get the time together, but if you don't have children yet definitely begin reading this together And if you already have children The helpful thing about this book is that as you read through it as a couple you realize? Oh, that's that's why this and oh that makes sense. I never knew an answer to that It's it's really a helpful book. I remember Patty and I I when we were first married, well even before we were married, we started reading books together. And we would sit down next to each other, I would read a page, she would read a page, out loud. I would read the next page, she would read the next page. The helpful thing about doing it that way is that it keeps you from, your mind from going off somewhere while your spouse is reading because you know you gotta pick up wherever your spouse left off and it keeps you concentrated. The neat thing about reading together is that it introduces concepts and things into your thinking that you would have never thought of on your own. I remember we were traveling one time, we were in a hotel, and Patty was getting ready for the service that night where I was speaking, and she was at the mirror getting ready, and I was laying on the bed, and I was reading this to her, and it was a book for husbands, and I said, I gotta read you this piece, and I read it, and I said, oh, I'm glad I am not married to a yo-yo like this woman, and she said, Well, guess what? That's exactly how I feel when this happens. And I would have never come up with that on my own. And she would have never really shared it with me or even thought it concretely enough to really share that. But reading books together introduces all kinds of concepts into your thinking. So make that just a practice of your life to be reading together. I'm going to make a few comments at the beginning and then Patty's going to talk and I'll bat clean up on the end together. In chapter one, I just want to introduce the topics that Rob introduces here. And then we'll make our own comments. We'll pull in a couple of their comments. But it was a nice way to structure our comments in the couple of weeks that we have together. Now, you'll notice it looks like there's a real strange numbering in his book. That's the order in which we're going to talk about something in that chapter. The chapters are actually numbered chronologically through the book, 1 through 12, but this is just for your benefit. The first thing about identity and Christ in parenting, it's really important. That we not get our identity wrapped up in our children. That our whole lives are for our children. Our identity is from Christ. And I want to stress this because if you're not careful, you will wrongly shape the identity of your own children. You are what God calls you. You are not what other people call you. You're not what a medical diagnosis calls you. You're not what the penal system and the courts call you. You are not what your vocation is. That is not who you are. Those may be descriptors of something about you, but your identity is that you are a child of God. You are a Servant of God, you are a disciple of Jesus, and you need to be thinking that way about yourselves and also for your children. And you gotta be careful what you call your children. You're a lazy bum. You're a good-for-nothing kid. You're a jerk of a husband. We're establishing identities, and then people can choose whether they're gonna believe it or not. Now, your child may have done something wrong or your child may be acting lazily, but that doesn't mean he's a lazy person. He's doing lazy things. And it's really important for us to make those distinctions with our children. I'm not going to spend any more time on that. There's a lot of rich information in Chapter 1 in that book. Chapter 2, help your new baby by prioritizing your marriage. It is so crucial for you to get what we've been talking about in the last three weeks and the two weeks over there about prioritizing your marriage. It's important for the stability of your children. I mentioned somewhere, and I think it was over there many weeks ago, when our oldest daughter, Kirsten, was five, She came to me one day, and she said she was five or six and she said daddy Do you love mommy more or us girls? And I said well God gives a daddy a heart big enough to love everybody in the family and she said no Do you love mommy more or us girls? And I said well if you really want to know it's mommy Because she was here before you came along And she's going to be here after you leave. You are temporary, and she's permanent. And I love your mommy more. And she said, OK, good. And she was off playing again. She just wanted to know that everything's OK, that mommy and daddy are really good. That is just so crucial for your children. One of the things that, um. Rob says the strength together to handle difficult moments Your marriage provides that strength for difficult moments, and I would appeal again to dad's dad's you are the shock absorber in the family Whatever the bumps are going on financially or emotionally in the home and hormones are going up and down and children are climbing the walls or whatever, you are the stabilizer. You are the shock absorber on the road. You're going to hit a lot of potholders, potholders, potholders, potholders. And we used to make those. And that means if things get really pressuring you, then you really need to increase some time with the Lord. You and God solve those issues so that you can become that stabilizing influence in your home. The first few weeks with the newborn, as some of you know that have children, she is going to be getting very little sleep. And you may be getting very little sleep during that time. And there may be physical problems with the baby and with the mother and dad. You've got to be the stabilizing thing there. The temptation is that all of the weight of this child is on mom. No, it's not. It's on the two of you together. But you are the one, Datz, that is bringing this stability. And I had a phrase that I often use. I may have told you this with our girls. I did some seminars, some manhood seminars for the students. And I would say, the man runs to the problem. And I would say, the kids would say sometimes, Dad, we've got this problem here and the man runs to the problem, you know, so Dad will take care of this. And I'm happy to do that. We've got to set that example for them. And one time we were watching Bonanza. Little Joe jumps on his horse taking off after a criminal and one of the girls said, look dad, there's little Joe running to the problem. Guys, there's no such thing as a passive man. If you're passive, you're not a man. If you're a man, you are not passive. And I don't mean you come out with guns blazing and bullets flying and fists flying, but I am saying that you are the person to be looking for the solution, even if you don't know what it is yet, you find the solutions. But you don't bow out of the picture. And your marriage is important because there's so many problems that have to be solved together. I told you the illustration of having two eyeballs looking at something from a little different perspective. I needed her perspective on what she was seeing in the children. She needed my perspective at times about, no, we can't be doing this. We're going to have to do this. And for these reasons that we would talk that out and figure out where to go next. But you've got to be talking together in that. Neither one of you have the full solution to this. You need both of you and the Lord together in solving the things that come up with parenting. A lot of things that you build in your marriage before the new arrival, there are a lot of shared commitments or decisions that you have to be made, and Patty's gonna discuss these, are you gonna nurse or not nurse, it's gonna be home birth or whatever. Those are things that you discuss together, and you come to some commitments and agreement together before the problem comes up. That takes a lot of planning. There are a lot of us in this, in this culture, and I'm not saying just this generation, in this culture, where we just kind of, we kind of pride ourselves in being spontaneous, we just do, yeah, we don't have to think about that, we'll just do whatever. And I say spontaneity is what we, spontaneity is what a two year old does in his pants. We try to get people out of spontaneity and doing things on purpose, and that doesn't mean that your life has to be a plan down to the minute, but there are a lot of things you've got to think about ahead of time as a couple. And again, reading books like this together will help you think through some things that you would have never thought of on your own. As a couple, you're building unity through those shared commitments, those decisions you've made ahead of time. Your marriage before you have children should be characterized by sensitivity and caring for one another already. and thinking about what the other person is thinking about. And I'll often ask Patty, and I ask the girls growing up, I would say, tell me what you're thinking right now. I remember one time in seventh grade, I was talking with Kirsten through a problem. And I said, honey, what are you thinking? There was this long pause. I said, what are you thinking? She said, I was thinking it's about time for you to ask me what I'm thinking. I said this before, you don't know what other people are thinking. You have to ask them what they're thinking. You've got to ask what your wife is thinking about this and what your husband is thinking about this. And then you need to be praying together and bringing these things before the Lord. And then there are things you, You build unity in your marriage before the child comes along, just through some fun things you do. I told you earlier, when we first got married, we were so poor, we couldn't even pay attention. And sometimes for fun, we would go to CVS. And we didn't have any money to buy cards for each other. But what we would do is go to the card rack. We'd pick out a card and say, here, this is for you. And she would pick out, this is for me. And we'd read it. It was just a wonderful day, a wonderful way to just have fun together. And some of the cards are serious. Some of them are really funny. Some of them are horrible. So you don't do those. But there are things you plan to do fun with as a couple. And then in chapter six, the title there is Work Together, Not Against Each Other. And we talked about solving problems, attacking the problem or addressing the problem and not the other person. And there's just a constant need for humility in your relationship with before the Lord and before each other. Are we really esteeming others better than ourselves? Listening to each other, solving times together. This is working together. There's a need for humility, a need for encouragement. She is going to feel so overwhelmed and inadequate in caring for this child. and even small thoughtful gifts and dads goes a long way in encouraging her during those times. And then need for a growing dependence on the Lord. And one of the things that helped before we were married and even afterwards with the children is just memorizing scripture together. There are many, many chapters of the Bible we memorized together before we had children and continue that with our children in later years. He thinks you need to hear from a woman, how women think, so you guys don't think that your wife is the only one who thinks the way she thinks. So he wants me to share some things with you. Back in Chapter 2, the Greens talk about unfulfilled expectations or just what you expect parenting to be like or even marriage to be like. You probably had some things about marriage that you expected that did not materialize, some expectations of what it would be like, I'm assuming. When we got married, I assumed that marriage would just be one perpetual date, and we would just sit together on the couch and date, you know, but it wasn't like that, because Jim was in grad school in the evenings. We were in the same room, but he was writing papers for grad school, and I was teaching, so I was grading papers all evening, and the dishes were piling up, and every once in a while, I would, after a few days, I would have time to do the dishes. It was rough. I expected this just to be all romantic and all that kind of thing. It didn't turn out that way exactly. And I remember the first lesson that God, big lesson that God taught me was from Psalm 62, 5, which says, Oh my soul, wait thou only upon God, for my expectation is from him. It really means my hope. is in him. And I was expecting Jim to do this, that, and the other thing, and really I had to surrender those expectations to the Lord. But that was a huge lesson for me at the beginning of our marriage. As a matter of fact, only within the first year of our marriage, we were attending a church where they were having a ladies retreat. And the woman who was organizing it came to me and said, I would like you to give a workshop at this retreat. And I'm thinking, I don't know anything to say. She said, just say whatever God has been teaching you. So I shared that lesson from Psalm 62. My soul wait thou only upon God. That's a big lesson for wives. I know you guys, maybe you had expectations too about what it was going to be like. But what are you expecting from parenthood? Maybe you're expecting, some of you already have children, but maybe some of the rest of you or many of the rest of you are hoping, you're expecting that you will have children. And that might not happen. The Kurtzes are going to be talking about that. What are you expecting from parenthood? Maybe just to be in the in crowd. Everybody has children and I don't want to be different from them. I want to have a baby. I want to fit in. There are some women who are disappointed. Their expectation of having the kind of love and romance they want from their husband doesn't materialize. And they start thinking, I'll have a baby. A baby will love me. I'll be able to hug this baby. And even if my husband doesn't love me, do you know what? Babies don't love you. Babies cause problems. Now, they're sweet, but they keep you up all night. They cry all night. They mess everything up. They make all kinds of messes. They spit on you. They do all kinds of things. Now, eventually, they will start doing a few things to show you that they love you, and it'll melt your heart. And eventually, you will actually be close friends with them. We're close friends with our daughters, but they're in their 40s now. But don't think, ladies, that, oh, a baby will love me. A baby isn't going to love you for a while. The Greens say some people think that a child will make your relationship stronger. But they say this is rarely the case. It presents so many challenges that people can fight about. And it's not going to necessarily strengthen your marriage. It's going to be your relationship with God that does that. You might be expecting an uneventful and healthy pregnancy. I didn't really think about being sick or anything like that before I got pregnant. So Jim told me, when we find out you're going to have a baby, I'm going to take you out to dinner. So we went out to dinner, and we ordered two steaks. And I could not eat any of it. And he ate both steaks. I just sat there. That went away pretty quickly, but then I got, I wasn't nauseated anymore, but I got so fatigued. I was teaching full time, and I would want to go to bed at 7 o'clock at night. I couldn't stay awake. I was exhausted. Now unfortunately, we were in an apartment, and behind us, right next to us, there was another couple, and our two bedrooms were back to back. And I don't know what they were doing when I was trying to sleep from 7 o'clock on, but there was a lot of screaming going on, and it made me so mad because I was so tired. I don't know what they were doing, but all kinds of things can happen. And you know that there could be lots of other kinds of complications besides just fatigue and nausea, all kinds of things. Some of you have been through those things. We assume, we hope that our baby will be physically healthy, but that isn't always the case. There may be a miscarriage that is just heartbreaking, or a stillbirth, or just all kinds of things can happen with babies after they're born. We might look forward to having children and just think about this really, really fun-filled, easy life with our children. We're having all this fun and there can be a lot of things that stand in the way of that. You might expect, this was something I had to learn. I thought that other people would be just as excited as I was about our baby. But you know what? Other people aren't going to be as excited as you are. Now, maybe your parents, maybe your siblings, your relatives are really excited. But not everyone is going to be as excited. And I had to just decide, I'll enjoy it myself. The same way with your wedding. You wish everybody was as excited as you are. But not everybody is as excited. And you may have a shower that ends up being very small. People don't show up, and it could be heartbreaking to you that not very many people show up. Just rejoice at what God is giving you and enjoy it yourself. You know, when longings and expectations do not materialize, God is still faithful. And that's why your own personal relationship with God is so important before you have any children. His grace is sufficient to enable us to endure every trial that we face. And 1 Corinthians 10, 13 tells us that there isn't any trial that comes to us that God has not limited. They're common to man, and God is faithful and won't allow you to go through a trial that you can't handle with his grace. You need him. You also need each other. We need the body of Christ supporting us. So anyway, there may be some unfulfilled expectations. Those really are trials. In Chapter 3, the Greens talk about labor and delivery. And the chapter's called, The Lord is My Shepherd. And they talk about how this can be a really scary thing for a mom. Guys, you don't have to go through this delivery, but your wives do. And they may be afraid of that. They might be thinking, I mean, I thought this, and I think my daughters did, too. How does this happen? How can I do this? How does any woman survive it? And I had to think, well, they've survived them down through the years. Most women have survived. Lots of things can go wrong, and we're going to have to be trusting the Lord that he's going to take care of us. And dad, you need to be involved encouraging your wife that you're gonna be there with her, you're gonna help her. When we were expecting our first baby, Jim had just gotten a new job and he was supposed to plan out for the ministerial class over at Bob Jones a new program called the Church Internship Program. And it was the first time they'd ever had it, so the date that our baby was due, He was supposed to go to ministerial class and explain to all of the ministerial students how this program was going to work. And I would say to him, but honey, if I'm in labor that day, you're going to be with me, right? You're not going to go to that class and explain that program to those guys. And I could not get him to go. say, he would not give me an answer. And I would say again, honey, if I'm in labor that day, you are not going to go to that class, are you? And I couldn't get it. It didn't happen that way. I had the baby like two weeks after that. I'm just told the Lord is not going to do that to you. The Lord is not going to do that. Guys, you need to be excited with your wife and attend any kind of classes or orientation or things that she needs to go to. Take time to go with her to any medical appointments that she wants you to come to and communicate with her. You know, I often hear my husband, when he knows that I'm nervous about something, about something that might happen, In the economy or anything, he'll look at me and he'll say, I'm going to take care of you. And you know what? I know that he's not God. I know that he can't do everything. But it makes me feel so good that he says that, even though we know it could be a fantasy. He says to me, I'm going to take care. He said that to me recently. I'm going to take care of you. Guys, maybe your wife might enjoy hearing you say that. Rob and Stephanie Green suggest that you arm yourselves with scripture before the birth, and they suggest Psalm 23. Now, you could use anything you want, but I think this is a really good passage. First of all, so I'm just going to share with you what Rob Green said. The first point is, I am protected and secure. Your wife may not feel very secure or protected. It's a vulnerable time. And in verses one and two, the psalmist says, the Lord is my shepherd. You know what a shepherd is like. Think about that, how he cares for his lambs. And it says, he makes me to lie down in green pastures. He leaves me beside still or calm waters. I can rest in God's care. He is my good shepherd. And I can claim his promises. And guys, you are kind of a shepherd for your wives. You are. Second, I will have what I need. I shall not want. And Rob Green suggests, make a list throughout your pregnancy of the things that God does for you. Make a journal of what God has given to you, the good things he's done for you. If you go back through that later, it helps you to remember God's goodness to you and how he's cared for you. The third point, God gives me life and sustains my life. Verse 3 says, He restores my soul. In other words, He gives it life and leads me in paths of righteousness. God has given me spiritual life at salvation and He continues to sustain me, giving me, progressively growing me to face the challenges of life, even giving birth or whatever we face at the time of birth. Fourth, God guides me. When He's our shepherd, He leads us We can receive His guidance for the practical decisions. You might have to make some last-minute decisions about this birth, and God will guide you to make those decisions. Some things might be unexpected. Next, I'm safe in danger. Now this one we don't like to think about. None of us likes to think about this verse, but verse 4 says, Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. Now, the valley of the shadow of death, though it says that in the King James, it could be expressed as a valley of deep darkness. It could be any kind of a deep trial. But it goes on to say, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. We have to believe. God is with us. God is with me when I deliver this baby. He's right with the two of us. He doesn't walk away. He doesn't walk out of the room. He is with me while we're going through this. And the last point that Rob Green gave was, I have a heavenly home. I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. Now, none of us likes to face the idea of death, but sometimes there is a death. And it seems, I don't think any of us, if we know the Lord, we're not afraid of where we're gonna be after death. It's the process, okay? And we think this will be the most horrible, excruciating process that you would ever have to go through. Sometimes when I'm talking to women, I tell them, do you know if your baby knew in advance what it was going to be like to be born, your baby would have a panic attack. Are you kidding me? I'm going to be squeezed to death. I mean, this baby would have a panic attack. But you know what, we know from Psalm 139 that God is totally, intimately involved in the development of our baby and our pregnancy. And he's weaving this baby together in its mother's womb. And you know, he doesn't stop that intimate supervision at birth. I really think that what God does at birth is He, you know what I mean by swaddle, where when you swaddle a baby, you put it in a blanket and wrap it up really tight so it feels really secure. I really believe that at birth. God swaddles your baby in his arms and says, okay, baby, we're going into a totally new realm. You don't want to stay here forever. This is going to get really uncomfortable if you stay here inside your mother. So he wraps your baby in his arms and he says, okay, we're going to this new realm. And he takes this baby out into this new realm. And it's so much better than being in such a tight place, okay? Now, we know that sometimes God takes the baby even further and takes the baby to be with him. But that baby is safe, swaddled in his arms. He will never leave that baby. He will take care of that baby. And for ourselves, why would we think that when we come, one day we're all going to die, unless the Lord comes for us before that. Why would we think he would love us any less than that? I really believe that when it's time for us to die, he's going to wrap us up in his arms and say, all right, I'm taking you to a new realm. And we're going to go to be with him. And we're going to be safe. And though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, even if it means death, I will fear no evil for thou art with me. Of course, we hope that that's not going to happen, but sometimes it does. But the Lord can help us, and we need to help one another through that. You will need to communicate about some choices about the birth, and no option is more godly than another. But Dad, she has to do this. She's the one that's going to give birth. So she gets two votes for every one vote of yours, all right? Okay, so home birth versus hospital. You two have to decide on that. No medication versus an epidural or some other kind of medication. Midwife or MD. and realize that you may have to give up your, you made all those plans, but you may have to give up your choice at the last minute because God may decide that you've got an emergency here and you don't get to have your choice. Okay, chapter four is on be prepared to go home. So after you have this baby, the Greens say you need to be moderate in supplying equipment and things. They actually quote Proverbs 38 and 9, where it says, give me neither poverty nor riches. Feed me with food convenient for me, lest I be full and deny thee, and say, who is the Lord? Or I be poor and steal and take the name of my God in vain. And this passage is talking about two dangers. If we're too rich, we forget about God. If we have everything worked out, we forget about God. If we don't have enough, we can be tempted to steal. What is our motive when we start collecting all of these things, all this equipment and all these things for our baby? What are we thinking? Are we trying to impress anyone? Are we trying to ensure our safety? We can spend hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars preparing for a baby. What is absolutely essential? When I think about that, I think, well, you have to have a car seat. They won't let you go home from the hospital unless you have a car seat. You have to have a car seat. You probably need something for the baby to sleep in, like a crib and some sheets or something like that, blankets. But what else do you absolutely need? You need clothes, right? You need some kind of diapers, right? Stephanie Green is a nurse. It comes out in the book over and over about the fact that some things related to that. She says the only other thing you have to have, you need a car seat, you need a crib and clothes and diapers, you need a breast pump, she says. They said they had a pack and play and that really helped them because if they went to someone else's house, they could take their pack and play and give their baby a nap and it kept the baby away from anything they didn't want the baby germs, kept the baby safe, so they liked having a pack of play. But there are all kinds of other things. They say they had way too much stuff for their first baby. I guess they, you know, you request for your shower, you register, and they said they had way too much stuff. So after the first one, they moved, so they got rid of a bunch of their stuff. They moved to a different place. In the second place, they had their second baby, so they didn't get as much stuff that time. And by the time, and then they moved again, and by the time they had their third baby, they hardly collected anything for it, just the basic essentials. You will need to make the decision about whether you're going to nurse this baby or bottle feed with formula. Realize that some women who intend to nurse can't do it. For some reason, they're not physically capable of doing it when they try to do it. Some will have lots of difficulty, shed lots of tears trying to make it happen. One of our daughters had a terrible time. We had a nurse came to the house and tried to help her. It was very difficult. And some people quit earlier than other people do. Don't judge. Make up your own mind what you're going to do. You'll have to decide whether you're going to use disposable diapers or cloth diapers. And there are benefits to both. Don't judge. And then appropriate help. You're going to need help from your community, from the body of Christ, and we're supposed to serve one another. And in the book, they said, request things that will make a difference. You know, it's demoralizing for people if they do a bunch of work or buy you something or do something for you, and then they find out afterward it wasn't help. or you didn't like it or something like that. So if someone asks you what can I do, ask them for something that would truly help you. It might be meals. It might be helping with some cleaning. It might be babysitting your older children for a while. Could be prayer. And then they have a little section on receiving family. Now if your parents don't live in the area, They're going to want to come and see this baby, right? And they said hosting family is a privilege. Now, some of you have a great relationship with your parents, but some of you, not so great relationship with your parents. In some cases, parents may do things that irritate you. They may not be as supportive of you in all your decisions as you would like, and they may express their opinions too much. But we all, including our parents, can change by God's grace. All right? If your parents aren't Christians, you don't want to be a stumbling block to their getting saved. So you don't want to say to them, we don't want you to come. If you at all can have them come, have them come. OK? If your parents are Christians and they're doing these kinds of things, you can hope in the truth that they, like you, are growing. and changing by God's grace. Assume that things will get better over time, over the years, that your relationship will get better. And you don't want to do anything right now that would cause hurtful memories. This is a very emotional time, right, at the point when you have a baby and your grandparents want to be around this baby. You don't want to create any hurtful memories that are going to be there, you know, for years and years and years. So use this event to build relationship, not cause unforgettable hurt. Now there are some situations when a parent or in-law should not be welcome to stay in your home. And that would be a parent or of either one of you who has been physically or sexually abusive. The welfare of your child has to take priority over that. But these people, when we talk about that kind of situation, these people are criminals, all right? And you'll have to tell them that they cannot stay, you'll just have to tell them they cannot stay in your home. But this is a rare thing. You'll have to make the decision about what kind of interaction. But as far as having them stay in your home, just be wise about that. You're not required to have them stay in your home. You can have them over. while you are there with your children, your present. But when we encourage you to welcome your parents and in-laws, we're suggesting that you not shun them just because they make insensitive remarks or even insulting comments about how you clean your house. One of my friends told me that her mother-in-law said, I want to show you how to clean around the door on your your washing machine with a q-tip. And my friend was thinking, what? His mother was telling her she needed to do that. And they may have a strong opinion about whether you nurse or bottle feed, but try to just They're not going to be here forever. And hosting family gives you a chance to put Ephesians 6, 2, and 3 into practice that says, honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise, that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. If your parents want to be around your children, remember that they gave you life. You may have different views than they have, and that's OK. But they did keep you and your spouse alive for a number of years. And they gave you a person, your spouse, who you thought was worth marrying. And I don't know is a combination between what they did and what God did, but they did provide your spouse for you. You may need to appeal to them not to do or to do certain things. You may ask them, please don't say this in front of the child, Gemini. had a few things like that. Please, we don't want our children to see this or watch this or please, please adhere to these things that we're trying to do with our children. And you may have to talk to them. It might be better if the child, the birth child of that parent talked to that parent first. Like if it's the girl's mom, have the girl talk to the parents. But if that doesn't work and they disregard it, husbands, you may need to tell them the way it's going to be. You may have to tell your wife's parents, this is the way that it's going to be. We aren't going to have alcohol in here. We're not going to have whatever your thing is. But remember, you don't want to say something that's hurtful. They're going to remember forever. So don't be hasty. Tactfully communicate with them. And you may have to say that the visit, we'll be able to have you here for only a week or whatever you want to say. You may have to tell them how long you can have them stay so that, you know, you get to make the choice, okay? Just be tactful. Chapter 7 talks about stewardship of your resources. And this would include your health, your energy, your money, your time. And here are just a few principles to use for prioritizing your resources. First of all, just because we can doesn't mean we should. Just because we have the money right now to buy such and such does not mean that we should. Or just because we can do this doesn't mean we should. You need to think about whether you should do it. Another one, desires or requests always surpass resources. You will always want more things than you have enough money to buy for your children. You will always want to do more things or whatever than you have the time to do or the energy to do. So what you want to do is always going to surpass your resources. So think through, you can't have everything you desire. Another one you've heard before that the urgent is the enemy of the important. Sometimes they are the same, but what seems urgent right now, if we do it, sometimes it doesn't do well for the end. We will eventually reap what we sow. Consider long-term and even eternal consequences or outcomes. You're going to reap what you sow. And then finally, the fifth one, past neglect may require increased present need. And that could go in a lot of directions. If a relationship, if we've not spent time on a relationship in the past, we may have to spend a lot more time now if we're going to fix it. Now, several things will dominate your first two months of life when you have a newborn. But before I list them, consider these things. You're going to need to make decisions together about how to handle these problems so that you can communicate well and talk together. Don't compare yourself to everyone else. You need to make your own decisions. Some children have greater needs. There are some babies that cry constantly. And you're going to be exhausted. You're not going to be able to go to everything. You're going to miss activities. Some moms have greater needs than other moms do. There are some moms that, you know, two days after she has her baby, she comes to church and acts like nothing's wrong, and other women need a lot more time to recover and get their strength back. Nobody's situation is like yours. And realize that you can change any of these decisions anytime you decide that what you chose before doesn't work. You don't have to stick with it. Don't be perfectionist. Even if you told other people what you were going to do, you have the right to change your decision. Understand that you don't need to do things the same with every child. You're going to learn things that cause you to change your mind about how you want to do things. And your circumstances are going to be different. Okay, so here are some of the issues. One of the biggest ones right after you come home is going to be sleep and baby care. At first it might seem like this is one perpetual marathon without any day or night. It just keeps going and going and going and there isn't any night. When you can get your baby to sleep for five hours, you will think you've gone to heaven. There will, here's another thing, there will be a lot of crying. The baby's going to cry a lot. The mother may cry a lot. The husband, the dad might even be crying a lot. My husband cried one time I know of. He was really tired. There will be frustration. and bliss, there will be confusion. You don't know what's wrong with this baby and the baby can't tell you. There will be joy at times. You know, can we hope in God when it's really dark at night? You know, I should say something about postpartum depression. A lot of people talk about postpartum depression and I think they usually say that it's hormonal, and maybe some of it is. I was depressed after I had our first baby, but you know why? I wasn't getting any sleep. I was exhausted, and I was fearful. I didn't know how to do this. I was thinking, how do I keep this baby alive? And at the end of the first, all three of my girls, our girls, when they had their first baby, by the end of the first week they said something about that to me. Well, Mom, he's still alive. You know, they were They were terrorized by that, the thought that I'm responsible for this baby. Nobody else is taking care of this baby. This baby is my baby and I don't know what to do. I don't understand what to do when they're crying. I don't know how to get them to go to sleep and all those kinds of things. Decide whether you're going to let your baby learn to self-soothe and go to sleep crying. Or whether you think you need to soothe your baby to sleep every time. You're going to stay with the baby until it is asleep. Eventually, your child is going to have to learn to self-soothe. Eventually. Otherwise, you're going to be sitting on the edge of your baby's bed when they're 10 years old. At some point, they've got to learn to go to sleep. You can't let them cry until they're throwing up or that kind of thing, but we did let our children cry a little bit. They would get tired. We'd make sure they were fed and changed and we would let them cry a little bit and they'd fall asleep. You need to decide that though. Decide whether you're going to keep your baby on a schedule or the baby is going to run your schedule. Let some things around the house go. Who cares? You need sleep. Don't stay up cleaning your house. You need to sleep. Husbands, don't get upset if the laundry comes out of the machine and goes onto the couch and you use it on the couch right there for the next several weeks. You never fold it. If you want to fold it, fold it. She may not have the time or energy to do it. Get help with how to be more efficient at nursing. Some babies, if you're not, if you don't learn how to be efficient at that, some babies will want to nurse almost perpetually because they fall asleep and you can't get, by the time you're done nursing them, they're hungry again. It goes on and on. So get some help if you have a struggle with that. Allow another trusted person to care for your baby. So you're not the only one. who can care for your baby. If you're exhausted, and some lady in the church says, let me come over and just take care of your baby in your house while you sleep. Let the person do that. You're not the only one who can care for your baby. You need sleep. If you don't get enough sleep, you can lose hope, and you can get depressed, or you can turn into a monster. And you don't want either one of those. Husband is the same way. He can get depressed or turn into a monster. So try to get rest. So sleep and baby care are a huge. Oh, it's 12.01. Oh, I wasn't watching the clock. All right. So I'm not quite finished. But next week, I'll finish up quickly. OK? You want to pray? A lot of these things may, well, a lot of these things are common sense things, but again, if you don't have children yet, you may not even have thought of some of these things. And that's where, what we're trying to do is help you create unity by conversation about things that you haven't thought about before. So, hope those are helpful. I really do encourage you to get that book. And next week we'll talk learning to teach and disciple, we'll talk about Discipline and that and we've already talked about spiritual goals So we'll try to wrap this up next week Father, thank you that you are a wonderful example of a parent and we can call you father And we thank you that you care about us as fathers and as mothers and as husbands and wives. We represent you to each other, to the world around us, to our children. Father, you are worthy of us being good examples for you and of carrying your family name with respect and dignity and love for you and love for each other. Help us to that end, we pray in your name, amen. All right, God bless you, see you next week.