Well, in our Suggested Topics Sermon Series, we are currently doing the Christian Living in the Home is kind of the theme that we're on right now. I took all of the suggestions and put them in categories, and that's where we are right now. And the topic we're looking at today is specifically wise ways to discipline children as they grow. This is an interesting topic, isn't it? It's a very important topic. Wise parents will adjust the way they disciple their children as their children grow up, giving them greater and greater freedom as they mature. And you know, this message really, one of the interesting things about the way the Bible is set up is things that apply in one situation apply in another situation. So if you're talking about discipleship of anyone, then it's very similar to discipleship of children. There's a beginning to that discipleship, and there's a further middle stage, and then a further, as they mature, that you move on into two other things. And so this really speaks to everyone, whether we have children or not, we can carry over into different things. But we should also be concerned, all of us, about the children of the church, and what parents are doing, and praying for children, supporting them, encouraging them, helping them, and being ready, if God should call us to be parents someday, if we're not. The person who suggested this topic asked me to deal with all different aspects of discipleship of children, protecting, nurturing, instructing, and preparing them. I'm not necessarily gonna do that specifically, but it will be in the whole mix of things. With such a broad subject, we could do a whole series on this, right? But I thought it would be good to draw from various texts But I did choose a particular scripture reading that talks about how we, or rather, again, the whole kingdom of God grows and develops, like corn, uses that as an illustration. From a tender plant that needs nurture and protection, to a sturdy ear, to an ear that is full of fruit. You can think of the Bible using the categories of children, young men, and fathers. And we grow up to become fruitful as we go along. Young men are out, like John talks about, they've overcome the wicked one, they're fighting, they're ready to go and battle. And there's, you know, there's different stages that we go through. But we go from the tender plant to the fruitful ear. Listen as I read it to you. It's Mark, chapter four, and it's verse 26 through 29. It's the word of God. And he said, the kingdom of God is as if a man should scatter seed on the ground and should sleep by night and rise by day. And the seed should sprout and grow. He himself does not know how. For the earth yields crops by itself, first the blade, then the head. After that, the full grain in the head. But when the grain ripens, immediately he puts in the sickle because the harvest has come. May God add his blessing to this reading as we now consider it. Just another way of that parable, too. I said there's all different ways you can look at these parables. You can look at it at home. You can also look at it as the whole church as one organism growing up into these strengths. And you can look at it as individual disciples that are made in the church and that are brought up. So there's a lot of different ways of considering it. But it's quite obvious that our passage is about growth and development, isn't it? But I wonder if you notice the emphasis of Jesus that this growth, and this is going to sound funny, is development that just happens. That's really what he says here. We don't know how. It just does. You know that you plant and water and weed and all of those things. But how is it that this little seed that you put into the ground grows up and you look and there's a little plant coming up and then you look again and there's a little thing starting to get little ears on it or whatever, it's a thing about corn stalk and the ears on it. And then after a while, you've got this thing, and that one seed, you've got an ear of corn that has 800 of those seeds on it. It's around what a corn cob has. I looked it up. Anywhere from somewhere like 500 to 1,200, they said it usually has. So that's quite an increase. And then there's more than one stalk on that thing. And how did this happen? It just happened. You say, well, I watered it. But yeah, but how did it happen? You didn't take the corn and get all those cobs and knit them together and then start gluing the little things on. Where would you even get them? It's just kind of a marvelous thing. And Jesus uses that to talk about That's what happens with children. How do they grow? How do they mature? And how does a Christian grow? How do they go from where they are to another place? We can talk about planning discipleship programs and all of these kind of things, but what happens is God makes them grow, and the glory goes to God. Yeah, we protect, we watch, we guard, we do all the things that we're called to do, but we have to always remember that this is what God does. That means that we need to do all of our protecting, nurturing, instructing, and preparing of our children with prayer and absolute dependence on God because it's not going to grow unless God makes it grow. We cannot make them fruitful. God has to do that. We are, however, responsible to protect and to nurture and to instruct and to prepare. So let's begin. with the overall goal of discipling our children. Discipleship, or disciple is a good word to use when we speak about parenting. It's used in the Bible, especially with reference to Jesus. We tend to think of, when we think of disciple, we think of Jesus and the 12 disciples. He told us to make disciples, though, of all nations, and to command them, teach them, to observe all things that he has commanded, to baptize them and to teach them all things, to observe all things that he has commanded. Baptism, of course, speaks of what I was just talking about, our dependence on Jesus to wash away our sins in the two wonderful ways that he does. First, we all have guilt on our record because we have sinned against God. So He washes our sins off the record by stepping in to take responsibility for the entire church for our sins. He takes responsibility for us. That brought Him to the cross to pay the penalty of our sin. He covers all the penalty by His suffering and death. And we have that blessing as those who are within the congregation of His people, of His people if we believe. There are people that are in the church that don't believe and they don't have that blessing. Second, we all have corruption in our lives. Our hearts are twisted by sinful passions and desires. For this reason, we also carry out sinful actions. Even when we are at our best, we know that we simply don't love God the way we should. We never do. Jesus also washes corruption from his people. So he washes away the guilt, and he washes away the corruption. He does not do this, the corruption, all at once, the way he does the guilt. The way he did with Sen's penalty is he completely justifies us. He paid the full penalty. He represents us with a full righteousness that is credited to us. But the transformation that he does from corruption to purity is a new birth, which is a radical transformation that we look for in our children. A radical transformation that enables us to receive the word of God, to believe the word of God, to trust in our Lord Jesus. It brings us from death to life. We were not interested in God, we were dead before God, and we become alive. He changes us so that we want to serve God and do His will, so that we humble ourselves, so that we repent of our sin, we come to Jesus to be saved, and then He works to progressively transform us. And that's what I mean by it's not all complete, because He progressively transforms us. We're radically changed, we're totally turned around, made alive, but we've still got a long way to go. And this is where the spiritual growth comes in. and where we have to learn to observe his commandments. You have the baptism that says, hey, we're we're people that are dependent upon Jesus Christ for forgiveness and new life. And then now we have teach them to observe all things that he has commanded. This is our calling. What does the word disciple mean? Well, a disciple is a learner, but don't get mixed up with what we think of when we think of a learner. We think about school, and somebody goes to school, and they regurgitate things that they have learned right on a test, and then they forget about it after that. And it's true that we do learn things, we learn facts. But discipleship is more than that, and that's why it's such a good word. A disciple is one who learns to be like his master, his teacher. master who has mastered something. It's not just a encyclopedia that's got facts, he lives it out. It involves passing on information to be sure, but the overall objective is for the disciple to be like his master. That's what Jesus said. That's the reason that both Jesus and Moses often said that you need to learn, not just learn, but learn to do. all that I have commanded you." Teaching them what? To observe, Jesus said, all that I have commanded you. Not just to know it. That doesn't really help a lot, does it? You know, if you tell your child to go and clean their room, and they think about it, and make plans about it, and talk about it, and never do it, you haven't accomplished what needs to be accomplished. If you hire a carpenter and he's read a whole bunch of books, and he's got degrees and everything from all his knowledge, and he's even got the books memorized, he knows how to do stuff, but he can't handle a hammer or saw, and he can't make anything. Then what kind of carpenter is he's no better than the books that he got all his information from. They're just it's just a bunch of emptiness. And there's a tendency sometimes for Christians to to get into learning. Oh, I know this and I know this and I know I know the commandments they say. What do you mean you know the commandments? Do you know you know how to carry them out or do you have memorized? You can say. No, you want you want a man is a carpenter that is been discipled in carpentry. He not only knows what needs to be done, but he can do it. He is able to do it because he had a master that he learned from. So what are you looking at when you disciple your children? You're looking to make them disciples of Christ. You want them to be like him, not like him as far as his power, his eternal power as the son of God. but like him as a man who lived a life that absolutely conformed to what God wants. He lived a beautiful life that was in accordance with God's commandments. Sometimes we think commandments are something that are ugly. They're not at all ugly. when we're born again, they're ugly if you just keep them in some kind of a weird legalistic kind of a way. But if it's things like loving your neighbors yourself and loving God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, and things like that, honoring your parents. So Jesus loved God with all his heart, soul, mind, and strength. He loved his neighbors himself. He's the only one that really did that. He also trusted God and depended on him. Jesus relied on the Holy Spirit, says so, to serve and obey because he was a man. And what does a man do? He must rely on the Holy Spirit. Adam needed to rely on the Holy Spirit. It's not just after you're saved that you need the Holy Spirit. You need the Holy Spirit because you're a human being. He worshiped God from a pure and loyal heart. Our Lord Jesus did. He lived his whole life for the glory of God. He is the master. He mastered it, and we and our children are his disciples. When we disciple our children, then we are wanting them to be like him. We want them to live for the glory of God like Jesus did. Now this is the same goal that the Christian minister has, isn't it? He is commanded by Jesus to make disciples not of himself, but of the Lord Jesus Christ. You will be quick to say, amen. Not me, not be like me, but like Jesus. It's good that you're quick to say that, Don't be too hasty. It's true, but don't be too hasty. Because you know why we like to be quick to say that? Because it absolves us of all responsibility. Don't be like me, be like Jesus. It's true, but it can be wrongly used. You know what I'm talking about. Be careful that you don't use it to relieve yourself of responsibility. Meaning that you miss the fact that when you make disciples of your children, You're supposed to show them how to follow Jesus. You're supposed to be demonstrated by your life, not just your words. You're supposed to say like Paul did. What did he say? 1 Corinthians 11, 1. Imitate me just as I imitate Christ. You don't like that as much. I'd rather just say imitate Christ and take out the imitate me part. But that's crucial to discipleship. And yes, it loads a lot of responsibility on you, and when you have a lot of responsibility, what do you do? I hope you look to the Lord for that. You depend on Him. I hate to tell you this, but your example is extremely important when it comes to discipleship. It's way more important than you think it is. It is your responsibility as one called to disciple your children to show them Your example is one of the tools that God uses to make your child grow into a disciple who is like Jesus. One of the main things that you want to model for your children is to rely upon the Lord. I told you that that's one of the things Jesus did. He was really busy sometimes, and what would he do? He would go off to pray. Just before he chose his 12 disciples, he went off to pray. He'd get up early in the morning and he would go and pray. He was modeling. Remember, it is God who causes the growth. It's true, isn't it? You can't make your child grow. Like I was talking about the plant, it grows. But just as the farmer has tools that he uses to make his crops grow, such as watering them, fertilizing them, weeding them, and so on, God makes them grow, but he uses the tools or they won't grow. So you can't just say, oh, I don't need to use the tools, because God will do it. I'm not responsible, I don't have to. No, you are responsible, just like the farmer's responsible. Yeah, the plant grows by itself, but he's got to do stuff. It's got to be planted and stuff. So it is with you. If you try to disciple people without providing an example, it's on the tools. Then they won't grow right. This means that like Jesus, your master, you need to learn how to trust God. Again, Jesus trusted God. He relied on God. You need to look to the Lord to help you to live a godly life. You need to do that so that you can disciple your children. Now, of course, you need to do that regardless, whether it's discipling your children or not. But if you don't do it and you try to disciple your children, you tell them to look to Jesus to help them change, but you don't look to him to help you change, it's not very likely that they'll look to Jesus either, is it? I mean, it's really not. They might. I mean, a farmer, he may neglect ever watering his crop, say, and God might send enough rain and it might come out okay. But it's gonna be hindered because you're not using the means that God has given you to use to make it grow. Okay, before we move on, let's state again clearly the overall goal of our parenting then. The overall goal of our parenting is to make our children disciples of Jesus Christ. We want them to love God, to serve God, to trust God, to obey God, and we want them, we want to do that too. Because it's right, and because we want our children to grow. So how do we disciple our children at different stages of their lives? That's the thing that particularly we're looking at. So I wanted to summarize that first. To summarize, we're to gradually move from rigid control, and really little, to total freedom as they grow up. Jesus himself set this as a pattern for discipling people. It was the way he dealt with his disciples. We can see this laid out in the Gospels. Let's use Mark as the gospel that we'll look at, one that we read from earlier. From the start, Jesus presents himself as the one who came to establish God's righteous kingdom, and he calls people, come and be my disciple. He baptizes them. First thing he does, as already explained, he baptizes them, teaching them from the outset that they need to rely on him for the initial forgiveness of sin, justification, New record. They also need to rely on Him for the cleansing away of their corruption, for deliverance from a sinful lifestyle to live a new life. New record, a new heart, and a new life. So the new record is complete justification. The new heart is the new birth. And the new life is the new walk that progresses and grows. He tells them to leave all. and follow Him. I'm the Master. Follow me. Learn from me. Learn my ways. We see Him doing this from the very beginning of His ministry in Mark 1. We too are to begin with the baptism of our children. We set them into discipleship as those that we present to Jesus for cleansing. We say, Lord, this child, you cleanse them or they won't be cleansed. You bring forgiveness to them, they won't be forgiven. You have to do this. We need to remember their baptism and bring them up as his disciples. Because that's what they are constantly looking to him to cleanse them. We're to look to him to cleanse them. We're to look to him to teach them and to work in them and to lead them. Now, if we fail in this. We fail in everything. We're not just trying to make moral kids. We're wanting children that are. Disciples of Jesus who depend on Jesus for their cleansing, that salvation, there's no salvation if that's not there. We see that when Jesus first calls His disciples, He keeps them close to Him. He takes them with Him wherever He goes, and He shows them who He is. Very important, they need to see who Jesus is. What kind of person is Jesus? What is He like? You need to learn of Him. He says, learn of Me, doesn't He? And He shows them who He is, and He shows them what He came to do as a Savior, that He's an able Savior. So when he was here, he did all kinds of things, you know, like healing the sick and giving sight to the blind, things like that. They see him in these early stages, cleansing a leper, you know, 140 through 45. Forgive a man who is a paralytic of his sins. That stunned everyone. He forgave their sins. The guy got up and walked. That's 2, 1 through 12. Receive and transform tax collectors and sinners. He's a savior that can do that. Reject the traditions of men and restore the Sabbath to its proper usage. That's 2.18 through 3.6. Reach out to the multitudes with the gospel. 3.7 through 12, he's preaching and goes out in the boat to reach out to the people. He's showing them that he's worthy of their trust and showing them that he meant it when he said that he came to save sinners. And that's what we want to show our children. Look at Jesus, look at how he saves sinners, look at how he delivers. During this stage of their development, Jesus does not give them a lot of options. He has them go with him all the time, and he tells them specific things that they are to do. Things that like like take him out in the boat so he can preach. You know, he's often telling things like that or, you know, go and get this ready over here or whatever. When our children are little, we also want to keep a close watch on them and we want them to learn to trust us and to obey us in the Lord. They're not ready to go out on their own. From their earliest days, you want to love them and care for them, but not based on their demands. And that's easy to get mixed up. We should know how to care for them, but we don't just do what they want. And you see that with Jesus along the way. I mean, even later on, as things develop further, when he's going to the cross, they don't want him to go to the cross. But that's what has to happen, and they need to have that hard reality. But it's interesting, with Jesus' disciples, they are excited when crowds come. In Mark, very early on, the crowds are coming, they're looking for Jesus. Where is he? He's off praying in the early morning. So they come to him, they tell him that, hey, everybody's looking for you back at the village, like, come on. And they expect Jesus to go run him back to the village, but instead he says, Mark 1.38, let us go into the next towns that I may preach there also, because for this purpose I have come forth. He's not there to do what they want. He's there to do what needs to be done. He says, I need to go and preach in other places. Now, even with babies, it's better to feed them when they need to eat rather than whenever they demand it. And when they get a little older, make them wait in the high chair until the blessing has been said and the family is ready to eat. It's good for their character. The same with giving the child attention. Of course, diaper change needs to happen when there's a need. Sickness needs to be looked after, but based on need. But when it comes to giving attention and showing affection, it needs to be on mom's schedule, because she's got other children to look after, and that's important too. She's got other responsibilities and duties, and not based on the child's demand. Children need to learn, I'm not the ruler of the house here. My parents are the ones that are in charge here. Jesus is the one that is in charge in our lives. He does not need something just because he demands it. That's a big confusion sometimes because we have this paradigm in our head and we set it up backwards. People used to understand that little children actually need to be frustrated to grow, to not always instantly get what they want. I was very interested as reading Rush Dooney when he was working with the North American indigenous people whose survival before the white man came had been constantly threatened. White man came, then they were not in such conditions anymore. There was, like, a lot of wealth that was brought in. And Rush Dooney observed that because they had been in survival mode, as soon as they got food, it was there. And now, with their children, they would give them everything that they wanted, because they had it to give them. And you can understand that. It's a heart that loves your child, and you want to, you know, want them to be happy and everything. But he said, that kind of indulgence, where they're never frustrated, It led to certain things. The things were teenage pregnancy, alcohol and drug addiction, and suicide. Very interesting. You think, oh, wow, now they're not in survival mode. It's going to be so much better. And it wasn't. They got what they wanted, when they wanted it, all the time. And they ended up being ruined. Rush Juney worked with them in the 40s and 50s, 1940s and 50s, as a minister of the gospel. I mean, he had, you know, elders in his church that had scalped people and some of the older men that were there. But, you know, he, writing at the time, mentioned how we, when he was writing at that time, you see, he said, we know We, the people who have come to this land, we know that if children are not frustrated, they will be rebellious when they are teens. In other words, what I'm saying is, in the 40s and 50s, that was the common understanding of people. Is it the common understanding now? No. In the 60s and 70s, modern child psychologists said that children ought to be indulged and fed on demand. and said that you were a bad parent if you did not cater to their desires and if you ever let them be frustrated. The result, what was the result? Teenage pregnancy, alcohol and drug addiction, and suicide. That's not how we're meant to be. We know from Scripture that part of discipleship involves learning to wait patiently for the Lord, for what you want. We know that children are not to demand, but to show deference and respect to their parents. What does Philippians teach us? Philippians 2, 14 and 15 is a key verse. Do all things without complaining and disputing. That you may become blameless and harmless children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation among whom you shine as lights in the world. What happens if we as disciples get frustrated with the Lord and we respond We don't go what we wanted, and we respond with arguing, complaining, whining. We're not gonna be very effective disciples, are we? We're not gonna make much progress. We know that our Lord works with us that way. Even as soon as we're converted, what does he tell us? You're gonna have trouble. You're gonna have much tribulation in this world. This is how I've set it up for you in my kingdom. He sends all kinds of trials and frustrations. And we're to count it all joy whenever he does. James 1, 2 through 4 says, My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. And let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. Now, it is not that we just try to frustrate our children all the time. But it's that we're busy doing the will of God, looking to see what he has called us to do. We're busy doing that. And they begin to demand our attention. We finish our work, and then we go and we teach them. And they have to wait until when it's on the parent's schedule. With food, instead of letting them start first, let them wait until everyone is ready in respect to the other people who are there. Lots of character can be easily formed in an early age. It's much harder at a later age. They can learn these things and it will make for happy and godly children, even at a young age, when they learn to wait when they're really little, even really, really little, then they'll be much happier as kids. They won't be always frustrated. I didn't get my way. I didn't get my way. We want them to know that they can trust us to look after them, that we're going to look after them. But we do not want them to think that we're at their beck and call, which is a totally different thing. God totally takes care of us, but he's not at our beck and call. We don't just tell them what to do and when to do it. People will say, but they don't understand. Yeah, yeah, they don't. You're right. I agree with you. They don't understand. But if we consistently spend time with them and care for them, they will soon learn to wait patiently, and they'll realize that we are gonna take care of them, and they'll understand it in the right way. Especially if we wait until they stop whining and demanding before we indulge them. For example, if we take them out of the high chair, if they are not waiting patiently, and only bring them back when they stop demanding, they'll learn pretty quickly that behavior was not appropriate, that behavior was not appropriate. And by God's grace, it will carry over when they're two, and when they're 10, and when they're 20. During this time we also teach them about the greatness of God and we begin to tell them what He has done for us. And of course we pray for them. but we also pray with them. Even before they can speak, it's good for them to join us in times of worship when we pray and sing to God at home as well as in public worship. They grow up seeing us praise God, give thanks to Him, confess our sins, seek His forgiveness, and ask Him for mercy and help. When they sin, we should pray for them in their presence before they can even speak. We can even talk. We pray for God to have mercy on them when they've had bad attitudes, things like that. We should do this daily in family worship, but also in specific times. And as soon as they can speak, we should lead them in the repeat-after-me kind of prayers. Not only for their physical health and well-being, but most of all for their spiritual growth and maintaining their walk with the Lord. And along with that, praising God, looking for Him to be honored and glorified in our prayers. This is what we aim for, that they will always walk with Jesus and be right with Him, seeking to please Him. As soon as we see them turn sour, bitter, angry, rebellious or the like, we need to lead them to forgiveness and help. See, there's a lot of watching that goes on in the young ages. We also can begin catechism with them when they're very young, having them memorize the catechism. It's fun to see them begin to understand the scriptures that are memorized and the catechism, the theology answers and things. We also can refer to these things at appropriate times, show them how they apply. It's also a time for helping them learn to serve and take responsibility. You know, shoveling snow, they get out their little snow shovel and work beside you, kind of move the snow around the driveway, or whatever. They can help clear the table, learn to pick up toys, learn to show kindness to a younger sibling, rather than tormenting a younger sibling. We can talk to them about the value of serving others and looking out, as Philippians 2 says, not only for your own interests, but also for the interests of others, like Jesus did. Boys need to be told that masculine strength involves protecting and providing for others, not beating them up. That's completely the wrong way to go. Young girls should learn to serve in ways that are beautiful and that enrich people's lives, make them comfortable and make things lovely. We can talk about how this is the mind of Christ to them, that we want to have the mind of Christ looking out. And we can pray with them that he would help them to be willing servants that love others. and not just in talk, just saying I love you, but actually doing stuff, seeing needs and going and ministering as they have opportunity. You want to see that in the little kids to get them going with delighting to help out. You can also begin to teach the important lesson of holiness. They need to learn that there are sacred things in life and that they're not to mess with, and there are sacred times that they need to observe. that all of life is not the same. That's something I always tell children that, you know, hey, you've got the playground, you do one thing there, you've got school, you do another thing there, you've got church, you do another thing there. Life is not all the same. It's not all just play. It's not all just work. You've got different things with different behavior, and it makes life much more interesting. And if you enjoy each one of them as it's meant to be enjoyed, then you have a full life. If you just want one way, then it's gonna be kind of an empty, be bored all the time. So that's when we, you know, when we go to church, we're to behave in a different way than when we're on the playground. Not so much because of the building, but because it's the assembly of the Lord. They should not do things to disrupt others. And they should listen and sing and pray before God. I used to say to a little one sitting on my knee, not only be quiet, So when I was in seminary, I was in the pew instead of in the pulpit. So not only would I say to them, be quiet, but rather I would say, listen to the preacher. In other words, I don't just want you to sit here quiet. I want you to be actively listening and ask some questions about it afterward. We would talk about worship and how we should behave, and we would pray for our time at worship before we went, that God would help them to listen and help the preacher to preach in a way that glorifies God and to sing in a way that pleases him too. They should learn to respect other people's property. It's kind of related to the holiness I did. Respect property of others is sacred. God has appointed it. So not to grab something off someone else's table without asking, not to rummage through someone's purse or their mother's purse even. But at the same time, they need to learn that they can have a blast with their toys. And they can, if mom gives them the purse and tells them to go at it, they can give her an old one, give them an old one or something, let them go at it. All of these, all of this is in the very early days. OK, we're building foundations. They're learning. You know, I'm not the one that's in charge. I need to conform. I need to care about other people. I need to love other people. I need to follow Jesus. I need to be like him, looking out not just for my own interests, but for the interests of others. Then we come to the next stage in Mark 3, 13 to 19. Jesus gives his disciples authority to heal people and to preach the gospel. And he sends them out on little missions to do it. Seem to be very little. It seems like he's usually with them actually at this stage. The disciples are still at this point under his close watch. But now they begin to step out a little. Now this would be sort of what we would be looking at in the range of kind of a 5 to 12 year old. Obviously these numbers are not rigid and there's development within each one. But I see lots of parents who foolishly turn their children loose on the internet at this young age, 5 to 12, before they're even teenagers. And I would say to you that's a very foolish thing to do. They need to be carefully supervised in this stage and taught what is appropriate and what is not. Pastors have to deal with this problem all the time with people that are children that have been exposed to all kinds of things that they never should have been exposed to. Freedom with monitoring and reporting should be at the older stage of development, but not when they're little kids. when they're not ready for that. Furthermore, if they're set loose and not restricted and shown what is acceptable at this young stage, then they won't be ready to handle the next stage either. What you'll have rather is that they formed all kinds of bad habits And now that they're older, those habits become even worse habits. They become even more problematic. And there's so many kids that are addicted to pornography or all kinds of other things, and they can't get out of it. And they struggle, and they wrestle with it. And it's a very grievous thing. They're formative years. We have to get them to have self-control, discipline. If they don't have that, they're not ready yet. to move on into freedom. We are so interested in giving freedom that we don't think about the consequences and the harm that we're causing with that. It's interesting, because society kind of goes through different ways. I was talking to Nathan not long ago about this, and he was saying that he felt like a lot of people in his generation are much more leery about the internet and stuff than the people in the generation above him, because they saw all the trouble that it causes, and they're sort of like, They sometimes want to turn their phone off. There's just more of a tendency of that. It's kind of interesting because we go through these things. But anyway, there's still more to speak about at this kind of pre-teen stage. There are lessons for them at this time about being maliciously accused that Jesus shows them. This is interesting. Sort of identity stuff. They're going to be really getting into that, even at a younger age somewhat, but especially during this time. kind of the 5 to 12 range. Mark 3, 20 through 30, Jesus deals with those who have accused him of casting out demons by the power of Satan. And he talks about that, you know, with his disciples as they're present. This is becoming increasingly important in our day of opposition. In opposition to Christ and against his disciples. In Mark 3, 31 through 35, he deals with opposition, you know, of a sort that comes from his mother and brothers. They come and say, you know, what are you doing? Come home. You're beside yourself. And he says, these are my mother and brothers here that are the ones that do the will of God in the kingdom. need to know their identity. We're here for Jesus. We're not here to please everybody else that's around us, our family members that say, oh, you shouldn't be reading the Bible. No, whatever. We're going to be working with that and helping our children to navigate those things. And it's a big lesson to learn. They have to come to know how to live in the world that way. They need to be taught that they belong to God and they're set apart to him and that people aren't going to like that in the world. They're forgiven and blessed. They need to be taught to live out that identity that they have. Always endeavoring to maintain sweet fellowship with the Lord, rather than sweet fellowship with people that are opposing them. You can't have as much as you can, you live at peace with them. But the goal is to please the Lord, not man. At this age, say 6 to 12, you want to see them taking responsibility when they're not walking with God, too. or when they're tempted to not walk with God. You want to see them, if they're tempted, praying for help from God. And you want to see them, when they have fallen, realizing that they've fallen and coming to God to ask forgiveness. That needs to be definitely developing during this time. You want to see them seeking God's help without you telling them to. When they're little, you're right on to them. You know, you spoke disrespectfully, you need to repent. And when they're older, you want them to see that and to come and deal with it themselves. You want to see them confessing sin without being told that they have sinned, that they see it and asking forgiveness of God and of those that they've sinned against. This is something they grow into. At this stage, Jesus begins to speak to his disciples also in parables. He explains them to his disciples, but he does it in a way that gets them to think about the meaning and how they apply. Now they are seeing people, okay, so they're out there, and they're seeing people around them that have come to Jesus, and they end up not going on with him. They said, what happened there? These guys were all excited, and now they're not coming on. The parable of the sower, right? So Jesus tells the parable about that. He says, the parable of the sower, where he speaks about how some quit as disciples because it was too hard. There were too many persecutions. He says, this is what's gonna happen. We tell our children, there are people that are gonna say, this is too hard. Don't let that be you. Because we know the Lord, he will keep us, and we will go on in his grace. Others quit because they're drawn away by riches, or worries about riches, or just wanting to follow their own selfish desires. I don't wanna be bothered with this anymore. So we bring him that sort of thing, too. And he tells parables about those who follow superficially all the way and then will be rejected on the day of judgment. So there's warnings about that. What is my identity? I am in Christ. I belong to him. Our children need to be warned about these dangers, and they need to learn that not everyone who says they're a Christian has true saving faith. Yet Jesus will see, and they need to know this, that his church will continue, and that if we are trusting in him, if we actually are trusting in him sincerely, then he's gonna keep us. And we might mess up like Peter did and deny Christ, but he's going to keep us to the end, and we trust him to do so. We look to him to keep us. During this time, we should keep on showing them about the greatness of the Lord as well. In Mark 4, 35 through 41, we see Jesus' power as he calms the storm. Teach our children to rely on his power. You know, read that passage to them. In chapter five and six, we learn we have a legion of demons cast out from a young man. We have a young girl raised from the dead. We have a woman who had suffered from a flow of blood for years healed. We need to be talking to our children about the greatness of our Lord and how he delivers us. I don't know what I was talking about this morning. He gives us strength to serve him and to be delivered. In chapter six, we come to what we might call the adolescent years. I don't really like that word very much, but the years when children are emerging adults. Here we see Jesus sending them out now, two by two, to go and preach. So this is development. He didn't do that at first. He was more closely watching them, seeing what they did. It was an immediate interaction. Now they go out and come back and report. So there's a change. And this is the kind of thing you want to see. This is the launching age. where they begin to go out without him, but still report back and talk through what they have encountered and what they have done. You got a kid out at work, you know, who did you talk to today? What happened at work? Somebody did this, what was going on? There was a guy that I was talking to about his drug problem, or there was a guy that was trying to get me to do something, or whatever. You want to have this talking going on, they're out there, but you're still with them, coaching them, helping them, guiding them. They've come to the age where they're able to bear children now, you see. So there's a maturity that goes on with that in their whole person, a change in their whole person. They have become much more independent by this time. So you should be able to send them out and give them quite, I say quite a lot of freedom. It's your goal that by the time they're 12 or 13 that they should be able to handle lots and lots of freedom because they know already how to make decisions that they were trained about when they were younger. You still monitor them fairly closely, finding out what they did, what decisions they're making, and why, and if they have made progress, the progress that they ought to have. But by this time, you should really rarely have to correct them. Correction with guiding them, but not correction with calling them out of defiance so much. That's the goal. You teach them and you guide them and you help them evaluate their decisions and reach good conclusions. You show them things that they might not have thought of, but ideally you don't have to give them rules, but rather you give them help to formulate their own rules to live by. Like, I'm having a hard time getting my work done. And so I'm going to set my alarm clock and get up at this time. You want them to be making those kind of decisions rather than you. You have to go to bed at this time. You want them to say, I've been too tired. I've not been getting my work done properly. So I'm going to go to bed earlier. And then you watch them and say, hey, I noticed you were up late last night. Did you do that on purpose? Yeah, yeah, I had a thing I had to do. OK, you know, you're involved. And what movies are appropriate? You want them to be self-regulated. Oh, I couldn't watch that movie. That would be too much of a temptation for me. You want this kind of thing to be going on at this age. How they should spend their time recreating or taking responsibility for things. There should be an ongoing learning of the greatness of God in all the stages. Jesus feeds the multitudes, but does so now a little different way, doesn't he? What does he do when he feeds the multitudes? He provides for his disciples to feed the multitudes. So he's doing it, but he's doing it through them. It's kind of neat, isn't it? He says, you feed them. So what are we going to give them? It would cost all this money to go in the village. What are we going to do? And Jesus says, bring that to me. And then he gives it to them to give to the people. So they're learning, we look to Jesus to enable us to serve. And you want your children to be faced with those at this age, the challenge of how am I going to do this? Well, how are you going to do it? and working with them to grow. Jesus talks at this time about where sin comes from, from the heart. He talks about influences, telling them to avoid the skepticism of the Pharisees, the leaven of the Pharisees, as he puts it, and the Herodians, the worldliness of the Herodians. who live for the world, the Pharisees, of course, you know what they're like with their rules and everything and their skepticism about Jesus, you know, oh, you know, how how could he be the Messiah? And, you know, he's he's doing it by the devil and all those kind of things. It's important to talk about those who are not doing right. Some of those parents are hesitant to do that. We need to say, you know, look, this is what happens when you go away from God. This is where you end up. We need to set the examples before them. This group here is erring in this way. This group over here is erring in this way. They have to learn those things so that they know what to avoid. And you work with that. And you want them to be seeing stuff. You know, I met someone today. And this is where he's laying it out. And you evaluate, OK, what's this person living for? What's going on there? There will be times when you need to correct them. But if they don't want your correction at this age, then it's going to be, I mean, you really need to pray for mercy about this. In Mark 8, 27 through 30, we see that this is the time when disciples figure out who Jesus really is. It's the time that they confess him as the Christ in whom they trust. Isn't it interesting when Jesus came into the world, you know, at first the adults were like children. They had to figure out who Jesus was during those years and then come to the place where Jesus says, who do you think I am? Well, the crowd, who do people say I am? And he talks about what they talk about, what the people think. So he's again evaluating other people. Who do you say that I am? Oh, you're the Christ, you're the son of God. That's right. This is the time that as we saw last time, when we looked at bringing children to the Lord's table, when children become responsible to confess their own faith, to reach their conclusions about Jesus and not just being brought. But reaching their own conclusions to declare what they believe about Jesus and to commit themselves to follow him. This is when they are admitted to the Lord's Supper, if they indeed confess him as Lord and Savior. They're now capable of examining themselves and of discerning the Lord's body, what his sacrifices mean to us as believers. We talked about how the Jewish, the men were responsible to go up to the three annual feasts, but the children weren't. So there's a time when you went from being a child who was not responsible to an adult who was responsible. You'll say, well, what age is that? Yeah, it seems that the Jews often had it around puberty. They do now anyway, and it seems like they did in the past. Jesus, there's notification about him going up to the temple when he's 12. There's a transition going on there, but, you know, increasingly, though, as soon as or interestingly, as soon as this confession is made, you are the Christ, the son of the living God. As soon as they recognize that, what does Jesus start talking about? The cross. You realize who Jesus is. Jesus goes to the cross. What do you need to do? You know who Jesus is. You need to follow him. You need to take up your cross every day and follow him. That's what the children need to know, especially when they're that age, you're here to live for Christ. And this is a, it means sacrifice. It means giving up your life for him. He lets them know that many trials and much opposition will come. They will need to trust him and know that even though he may die, and even though they might die, he's still in perfect control. He even shows Peter, James, and John his glory in the Mount of Transfiguration. Teens need to see more and more of the glory of Christ and trust more and more in the certainty of his promises. They're in an age where they are worshipers of things. They're natural worshipers of things, all kinds of things. And Jesus needs to be the chief object of worship instead of some hero in the world. Talk to them about it and see how they're doing. When trouble comes, remind them about the greatness of Jesus, now risen to his throne. Step in and help them when they need help, but do so by asking questions. to get them to think rather than just issuing commands and directions and rules. You're wanting them to be walking with him. You're wanting to help them walk with him. We see Jesus at this time dealing with many sins that we could call sins of adolescence. I had not really thought of this as much as I did this time in preparing this, how we have such a model of it with the discipleship of his young disciples. So much speaks into parenting. So what do we see with the sins of adolescence? What am I talking about? Well, he sees them unable to carry out his will Remember when he came down from the Mount of Transfiguration, the other guys said, we tried to cast out the demon, we couldn't. Why were they not able to? Jesus says, this kind comes out only by prayer and fasting. You guys haven't been praying. You know, you've been trying to go on your own strength, like you can do this yourself. Isn't that a problem that teenagers have a lot of times? Well, other people do too, don't they? But we're not in the Word. They're not in the Word. You say, have you been in God's Word? You want them to come and say, I've had a really hard week, why? And they say, I haven't really been paying attention to God's word. I haven't really been praying. I say, oh yeah, I'll pray for you. You want me to ask you about this? Yeah, yeah, ask me about it next week. So they try to cast out a demon. It's not something they can do. So he rebukes them. He says, oh faithless generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I bear with you? Bring him to me. I'm not going to be here forever. You're going to be out there on your own. What are you going to do then? We need to recognize when our teens have not been reading God's word and seeking him. We see Jesus dealing with other adolescent sins in Mark 9, 33 through 37. He addresses the silly quarrel that they have about which of them would be the greatest. He tells that the greatest one is the one who serves others the most. That's who the greatest one is. He himself is going to the cross. He keeps telling about the cross. You know how that whole section like over and over and over keeps going back. This is what I'm going to do. This is what I'm going to do. This is what you need to do. Follow me. But they keep missing the point. They don't get it yet. And that's the thing, too. You need to be patient. Don't get angry. Don't get frustrated. Just keep on working and you'll see it come. It's so exciting when you see them. They're starting to get it. You're starting to get it. It's just it's so encouraging. In 938 through 41, he warns them about being sectarian, having a spirit that we are right and everyone else except those in our party are wrong. In 942 and 50, he warns them about offenses, things in our lives that cause us to stumble. That's what an offense is. And he declares in very strong way that anything that makes you stumble needs to be cut off. Is that not something that goes in at that age when they have just reached this young, young teenagers and middle teenagers and all that, that What in your life is hindering your walk with Christ? They need to be monitoring that. They need to be finding that and cutting off what it is that's hindering them. I've got to stop this because it's keeping me from God. That's the kind of thing that you want to see because this is serious. And if you don't deal with these things, it can lead to your ruin. That's what Jesus is talking about. You can end up in hell because you didn't deal with this stuff. He teaches about family unity and marriage here in chapter 10, 1 through 12, about how little children are to be cared for in his kingdom, 10, 13 through 16. He reveals the fact that a rich moral man, a rich young ruler who looked like such an ideal disciple, who seems to have everything together, does not have a thing if he is proud and self-righteous. And that's a huge thing, because maybe your children made progress And sometimes, if that's so, they can get very proud. And they forget. And they've missed the way if they become proud, because Jesus is the one that we depend on. We're sinners and we need him, and he's the one that keeps us. The disciples say, when they hear about the rich young ruler, that he's not right with God, they say, if he can't make it, who can make it? And Jesus says, exactly, it's impossible. What's impossible with man is possible with God. Nobody can do this. And anyone that thinks they can, no matter how successful they are and how close they seem to be, they've got it totally wrong. So he really is. We need to make sure that our children are not self-reliant at this age. But they're continuing to trust Jesus alone. And again, you want to see them serving. OK, that's in all the stages, finding and taking ways to serve. Chapter 10, 32, Jesus again tells them of the cross. And then he tells them again that greatness in his kingdom comes from serving. He repeats that several times here from serving and laying down your life for others, not from talking, Not from strutting yourself about not from self-importance, but from taking up your cross for the sake of others in God's glory. Your children need to be finding ways to serve and they need to be doing it to please God. They need to do it on their own initiative. You should not have to tell them to do their chores. or point out that the grass needs to be mowed. You like to have it where you give them something to do, and you want them to monitor that. Now, you might have to work with them. Again, you don't get frustrated and impatient. You might have to work with them and say, hey, I want you to notice. You need to grow up. I want you to notice when this is to be done. I don't want to have to tell you this. You can judge these things. You need to see what needs to be done and when. And then seeing other things, even, that you haven't even asked them to do. Picking up on that kind of stuff. They should be looking for ways to serve in the church, too, praying for others, ministering to others in all different ways, volunteering help with others. I love it when a kid comes and says, you know, that they're praying for someone that they're reaching out to, you know, that kind of stuff. When you see them begin to do this, you know that they're finally growing up. When you see them just doing stuff on their own initiative like that, it brings great joy. John said, it's 3 John 1, 4, I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in the truth. So I hope you can see how the training of children involves giving them more and more freedom as they go on. It's going from control to discipline them and bring them up in the almost a military kind of a thing in a way, but not just with love and all of those things and caring for them, but getting them disciplined in the ways that they need to grow. Self-control, all those things. They're easy to teach when they're really little. Much harder the older they get, the later you wait. And if you try to bring that in later, well, let's talk about that. Sadly, parents often get this completely wrong, the order of things. Some parents do not control their children at all when they're little. They just leave them to go their own way and to do whatever they want. And this comes from the false teaching of our world that people are basically good inside and are ruined unless they are left to find their own way, just kind of naturally just go their own way. This has gone to such ridiculous extremes that today we leave it to children to decide what gender they are. You know, we don't guide them in anything. These are parents that do this. They're parents that leave their children to their own foolish way. The Proverbs teach us, 22-15, foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. The rod of correction will drive it from him. It's not limited to, but it includes parents who even abandon their children. What is a parent that abandons their children? He just leaves them to go their own way. I don't have anything to do with them. I'm out here. I want to go in another relationship. I want to leave my children. That's not the way to live. More often, it is those who mean well, though, who don't want to turn my child against me. You hear that? I don't want to discipline. I want to turn my child against me. And so they never try to control them unless they're about to burn themselves or something, about to burn their hand on the hot stove or something. But other than that, they can do whatever they want. They can grab whatever they want, go wherever they want. Little kid. Now, that's one way that parents err. And then there's the opposite way. Though this error is not as common today. Parents seek to control every detail of their child's life. They would not so much as let them decide if they want to wear a blue or a red shirt. You know, they want to control their children and do not allow them to emerge into people who know how to do things for themselves. They're just always, obey, obey, obey. I dictate to you. And they never learn how to make their own decisions. The Bible says for children to obey their parents, so these parents take it to mean that you control everything that the child does. They'll decide what career they'll have and who they will marry. And of course, there are whole cultures that do that. And that's going to an extreme. There should be guidance in those things, but actually deciding and all those things are already predetermined by the parents. And those are things that we need to work with, but you often have in those cultures, you'll have some really heavy rebellion when they become young adults. And sometimes they settle down after that and kind of get into things, but they're trying to control them all the time. So excessive control of children in some ways is probably more common than you might think today, though. But not controlling them enough is much more the trend. Because we think people are basically good and leave them to their own way and they'll be good. You mess them up if you don't. There's a third way that parents get relinquishing control wrong, this idea of development. And there are parents who do the opposite of what is wise and what we have looked at today. This is so common. That's right. When their children are little and cute, then they give them absolute freedom. But when they get older, then they try to control them. Although they often don't get very far in trying to control them when they're older. But when the children are little, their naughty behavior seems cute and harmless. You know, they don't want to stifle their children's emotions, they say. They don't want to stifle their creativity. They let them speak in disrespectful ways. They don't correct them for their anger outbursts. They let them whine and contradict. They even let them grab anything that they just put in their way, in their pathway, and they smile and laugh at the cute little devil. But then, when their children get to be teenagers, and they start getting drunk, doing drugs, failing school, sleeping around with people, getting pregnant. Then the parents want to clamp down. Now we're going to take away your phone. Now we're going to ground you. Now they object to their behavior. And as I say, by then, their children usually just ignore them. And the parents wonder what happened to their cute little angel that used to be so full of promise. This is truly a huge subject, but I hope that what I've given you today gives you some food for thought, not only in discipling children, but also discipling adults. Because we're sinners, we're always to be moving away from sin toward Jesus. That's where we're going. We need to move from lying to truth-telling. And see, this is stuff we could develop, all this stuff. I'm just gonna run through some stuff right here quickly. From lying to truth-telling, from laziness to serving, from anxiety to casting our care on the Lord, from selfishness to giving, from disrespect to honor, from ungodliness to holiness, from rebellion to righteousness, from ignoring God to praising God, from drunkenness to being filled with the spirit to praise God, thank God, and care for your family, from corrupt words to words that edify and help others, from pride to humility, from envy to rejoicing in the gifts and success of others. from covetousness to pouring out your life for others, from cluelessness to discernment and wisdom, from bitterness to gratitude, and from fear to boldness. All of these you want to teach in a progressive way all along the way. But let's go back to the start. The overall goal of discipleship is to become like our master, Jesus Christ. It is only through faith in him that we can grow to be like him. We don't have the strength in ourselves. Our children don't have the strength in themselves. We give the tools. God gives the increase. And our hope has to always be in him. And when you see things not going well, get on your knees, cry out to God, look for mercy, plead with him. That's where we need to go. Christ in you and your children is the hope of glory. Christ in you, the hope of glory. He's the one that brings us. Life from the dead, look to him, dear parents, and may your children look to him with you as we walk together, please stand and let's call on the Lord. Gracious heavenly father. How we thank you for the things that you have given us in your word. There are things that challenge us, but there are things that help us. And we pray, Lord, that we would have the wisdom that we need. These are hard things, Lord, to implement and to practice, but it's good for us to have hard things because that drives us to seek your face. and to call on your name. And we pray, Lord, that we would learn the pathway of wisdom. We pray that we would sit daily at your gates to learn of you, Lord, to sit at the gates of wisdom, the feet of our Lord Jesus Christ, like Mary did. And we pray, Lord, that as you impart your truth to us, that it would be truth that we actually practice, truth that we walk in, truth that we observe, that we would truth in love, that we would not just speak the truth or know the truth, but we would do the truth in love and that we would grow up together in the grace of God with our children. Father, we know that parenting is a very sanctifying thing. And we know that making disciples is a very sanctifying thing. And I pray that the people in this room would actually be looking to make disciples of other people. Or even if they don't have any children, they would be looking to find others that they can minister to and others that they can learn from. And those that they have a mutual learning and teaching kind of relationship. And Father, we pray that we would grow up together in our Lord. For we are meant to be a body, we're meant to to be helpers of each other. We thank you so much for the model that Jesus gave us and that after all that he did in the Gospels with his disciples and how he trained them so well that at the end of it, he says, go into all the world and make disciples. He tells them, go into all the world and make disciples of the nations. And Father, we remember again that baptizing them is the first thing, like teaching them to rely on Jesus for cleansing from sin, from guilt and from corruption, and then teaching them to observe all that I've commanded you. As they continue in their baptism, continue as those looking to Jesus for the cleansing and for the renewal, for the new heart and the new life. Father, truly it is by your grace that any of this happens. The plant grows. We know not how. It's your working. But we pray that we would be diligent, Lord, to do what you've called us to do in sowing and watering and setting example and however we would describe it, Lord. We praise you for what you have given us in Jesus' name. Amen. Because you're trusting in the Lord, receive the full blessing of the Lord our God. the good of Jerusalem all the days of your life, the good of the city of God. Yes, may you see your children's children. Peace be upon Israel. Amen.