We hear God's Word read, first of all, tonight from Ephesians 5, picking up our reading in verse 22. And we're going to read through chapter six, verses one through four. And you will notice that what we read in chapter five is parallel with what we considered last week about the callings of wives and husbands, And then in verses one through four, there's a parallel passage to the text that we consider in Colossians 3, verses 20 and 21. Ephesians 5, verse 22. This is the word of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife, even as himself, and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise. that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. I sometimes tell my children that's my favorite passage in the Bible, and then they tell me this next verse is their favorite passage. And ye fathers, Provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. And I know there might be, and there is a little bit of humor in recounting that those first three verses are the verses I point my children to, and verse four is the verse they point me to, but there's something serious about that, and lovely too, that The Word of God holds children accountable and parents, but now in the home, believing parents and children do hold each other accountable and encourage each other in their callings in the Lord. So we turn to Colossians 3, verses 20 and 21. Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. And then you can see from there we will go on to the relationship between servants and masters or employees and employers, the Lord willing, next Sunday. Verses 20 and 21, God's word to children and parents is before us tonight. We have seen what God's will is for the Christian in home and family concerning marriage. And now we consider another word concerning Christian home and family life. Do not be discouraged. When you hear what God says about the Christian home and family, do not think to yourself, well now, a Christian home and family is where everything is well put together. It's well nigh perfect. There shouldn't be any problems in a Christian home. And then the discouragement may come in this. That's the picture that I have in mind of what a Christian home is supposed to be. and then I look at the reality of what my home is, it doesn't measure up. Beloved, the word of God is realistic. It does not paint a fanciful, idealistic picture of a Christian home with a perfect husband, perfect wife, perfect parents, perfect children. No, the word of God comes to us with instruction on how to live in a Christian home exactly because by nature we are sinful. And there is in a Christian home a sinful husband, a sinful wife, sinful parents, sinful children, and we need the instruction from the word of God. Nor, the word of God is not that you will have a perfect home as a Christian, nor is the word of God that now as a Christian, life is going to be easy. It's going to be easy for you to maintain a Christian home, and for you to do your duty as parents and children, wife and husband, and you're going to find that it's not that hard because you're a new creature in Christ, you love the gospel, and living the life of a Christian in the home and family is easy. That's not what we find, is it? The calling of a wife to submit, the calling of a husband to love and not be bitter, that requires hard work and effort. And now too in this text. I don't think any of the children, young people here will say it's easy to obey. My parents, my teachers and all in authority, that's a struggle. It's hard work. And I know that there isn't a parent here who will say it's easy to be a parent and to bring up covenant children in this world in which we live and to be faithful in instructing them and disciplining them in the Lord. It requires hard work and effort. And so you say, are you not discouraging us? The question is not, is a Christian home perfect? Don't try to measure yourself up to that standard and say, that's where I need to be, perfect home. The question is not, is the work of Christians in a home hard? Don't be fooled. The work is not easy. Your calling is difficult. The question is this. Is it worth it? Does the blessing of God come on a Christian home? That's the astounding testimony, isn't it, of the Word of God and of Christians who live in a Christian home. Yes! the blessing of God does come upon a Christian marriage. And that astounds the husband and wife sometimes. Here we are, two sinners living in an imperfect relationship, but by the grace of God, we experience the forgiveness of sins. By the grace of God, even though we're not perfect, we seek to be faithful to Jesus Christ in our marriage. And we enjoy his blessing. And we recognize if we lived in sin and unbelief, our marriage would be cursed and miserable. Now the same thing with parents and children. We're far from perfect, but by the grace of God, and I hope you children will see this, I know parents do. By the grace of God, as we seek to live out our faith in obedience to God, He has blessed us. So tonight we look at the callings of children and parents in the Christian home, and we see that the command of God to children is obey. Obey your parents, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. And the command to fathers, and we're going to see that that does include mothers. They're mentioned parents, plural, in verse 20. But then verse 21, fathers, the command to fathers. Do not provoke your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Be very careful in the way that you bring them up in the Lord. Let's consider then God's word to children and parents. First of all, children obey. Secondly, fathers, do not provoke. And as we did with the previous two verses, we stop and ask ourselves, what is a child? That first word, verse 20, children obey your parents in all things. And we do well to stop for a moment and reflect on to whom is God issuing this command? In general, we could say a child, and I'm not saying that's in the text. In fact, I don't believe that's in the text. But in general, we could say a child is any person, man or woman, who is living now with a parent who is living. The Word of God, from a certain point of view, says, children, you are to honor your parents Not only if you're 10 or 16 or 40, sometimes even when you're 70. Jesus speaks of the calling of adult children to honor their parents in Mark 7. And the Apostle Paul in 1 Timothy 5 speaks of the calling of adult children to care for their mothers. When parents become elderly, the Word of God says this is a matter of serving God, that when your parents become older, and you're older too, and you have your own home, that's true, You still must care for the needs of your parents. God requires that of you. Honor, respect, and care for them. But Paul is not speaking. to everyone in the congregation who has living parents and saying, children, obey your parents in all things. He is speaking to children who are still under the authority of their parents. And now we have to, Kind of be a little careful here, but still live in the home of their parents. These are children then who have not, by way of marriage, done what Genesis 2 speaks of, left father and mother. When children in marriage leave father and mother, join together as one flesh in marriage, they have a new home. The husband is the one who has the authority in that home. And God is not saying to those married children here in the text, you obey your parents in all things. And I'd add to that, that this also doesn't refer to single children who have come to the years of maturity that the Apostle Paul has arrived at in writing this letter. Paul is a single man, never married. But he's obviously an independent man from a certain point of view, still subject to the authority of God, still called to honor his parents if they are living, but Paul is not writing to himself and to other people such as himself saying, obey your parents in all things. But Paul is speaking to children who in their still maturing years are clearly under the authority yet of dad and mom in the home. Now, what you might like me to do at this point is give you specific ages from zero and then here's where we'd really like to know the number, wouldn't we, at the top end. If you're 17, you, you are addressed by Paul. Obey your parents from zero to 17. But what about the 18 year olds, the 19 year olds, the 20 year olds? And we recognize that the Bible is not giving to us a hard and fast rule here and is saying to the parents especially, Make sure you note that, young adults. To the parents especially, but also the young adults, you're going to have to exercise some sanctified wisdom here. And there is, isn't there, an age or a period of transition? where even though a child, adult child, may be living in the home, the parents recognize that this is not a child we want to treat as a two-year-old or a 10-year-old or maybe even a 17-year-old. This is an adult child now who is transitioning, still under our roof and authority, but growing in maturity and needing more independence. the parents and the child need to think about this carefully. And the parents may need to take the lead and say to the adult child, we want this, independence, but that depends not on your age. That depends on your spiritual maturity. And of course, the child, the adult child's going to say, well, I'm at that stage where I need independence. will be humble and listen to your parents. And if they say, we're ready because you're responsible and mature to give you independence, it's wonderful. Be responsible and mature as a Christian in that independence. But if they say to you, you're not ready, we see a need for growth. And unfortunately, you still need our authority and guidance. Well, the adult children who live at home with their parents ought to have this as their default. They are my God-given parents, and I am under their authority. I'll listen. And so now here's the thing that we all have to take note of. There are children from zero, 17 for sure, maybe 18, 19, 20, maybe even older, to you. God is speaking through the Apostle Paul. I can see you. You know who you are. And this is the word of God to you. Children, obey your parents. in all things, for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord." You have a nature that does not want to obey mom and dad. And therefore, you need to be told That's what you need to put off. Remember, Paul talked about that earlier in chapter three. As children. who no longer belong to the world. That's what is expressed here in the text. As children, as adult children, as little children, you have been redeemed through the blood of Christ. Paul is speaking to children in the church in Colossae, and beloved, it should be obvious to us, if they were outside of the church in the kingdom of God, he wouldn't do that. But here is one of those wonderful instances in the Bible where God, through one of the inspired writers, speaks directly to the children in the church. And it means your God's children and young people belong to His church and covenant, and God says to you, Though your nature says I don't have to obey mom and dad, my word to you is you do, you do. You live in a world that tells you the opposite, don't you? What's the message on TikTok? The TV shows and the movies of Hollywood? Rebel. You can live according to how you feel and do what you want to do. You don't have to listen to dad and mom. And let's add, because we should add, it's true, that's the message of the music of this world. The word of God says you are not to listen to the world around you. But to God, you do have to obey all in authority over you, dad and mom. Maybe you have friends. I hope you don't. I didn't, and I thank God for that, but I had a brother who had friends who would say to him, you don't have to listen to your parents. You don't have to do what your parents tell you to do. If you have friends who say that, you need to know they are not speaking on behalf of God. They're speaking on behalf of the wicked world. They're speaking on behalf of Satan. God says to you, you do have to obey dad and mom. And you need to know that God never says, go ahead, do what you wanna do. God never says, go ahead, obey your friends or obey the world. God says, Obey your parents, plural, mom and dad. And that means three things. First of all, listen. Obedience to God comes with obedience to commands that he reveals to us. And our parents are given to us by God to tell us what to do and what not to do, to give to us commands. They speak to us with authority, and when they speak with authority, it is the duty of children to listen. Which means, when dad, and maybe especially mom, does not get your attention, because you're on something else, doing something else, you're sinning against this text. Obey, listen. And then secondly, do or don't do. When dad or mom say to you this is what you are to do, obedience is you listen and you do it. And when dad and mom say this is what you're not to do, obedience is you listen and you don't do what they say. And then thirdly, the heart needs to be there. Obedience is not merely doing duty. Well, that's what dad said. That's what mom said. I'm going to do it. Obedience comes from a heart that embraces the Word of God and says, Dad and Mom, have God given authority over me? I am to respect and honor them for the sake of Jesus Christ. And so when I listen to them, I need to be showing them the honor, the respect they deserve as the servants of Christ. And when I do what they tell me to do or don't do what they tell me to do, I need to do that in love for them as the servants of Jesus Christ. Therefore, I'm not going to be like that child who's told by mom, go sit in the corner. And maybe you can relate to this. He goes and sits in the corner and he says, with my body I'm sitting in the corner, but in my mind I'm standing in rebellion against mom. No, it's heartfelt. Love for God, love for mom or dad, and the authority Christ has given them over me, I obey. In all things, the text says. And when you hear that, you say, but I know the Bible says that we are to obey God rather than men. Meaning, yes, when we come to this text and it says in all things, obey your parents in all things, we know that there is an exception when we compare scripture with scripture. If dad or mom ever come to me and command me to do something sinful, command me to do something that is against God or harmful to the neighbor, I must not obey them in that. That is true. But the Apostle Paul is speaking here in the context of a believing home where the parents are believers, we'll come to that in a moment, where the children are believers, and where the commands of the parents, I'm not saying they will never be disobedient to God, but the commands, are in harmony with the word and will of God. And God teaches you, as children, not to think of the exception. There may be that one exception, but God teaches you and children to think about all of the instances that apply to you where your parents have authority over you and God says in all things. So that the child in a Christian home has to say, it's not only with regard to spiritual things, it's not only with regard to going to church or praying or reading the Bible, but God literally addresses every area of my life and he says to me, you are under my authority and under the authority of your parents in all things. So that even things that seem minor and insignificant, children, obey your parents when they tell you what chores to do. Obey your parents when they tell you to do something little like brush your teeth. Obey your parents when they tell you when to come home, in all things. And don't look for exceptions. Maybe some of you can relate to this. But I'm 16. And I paid for my own car. And these are my keys. And no, dad, I'm not going to give them to you. That's sin. That's rebellion. God doesn't say, well, here's an exception. You, for some reason now, don't have to obey your parents because you're 16 and bought your own car. No. God says, obey in all things. Why? For this is well pleasing to God. Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Why must you obey your parents? Well, part of what the apostle is saying is because this is God's will. Pure and simple. This is pleasing to God. And God has the say-so over you. But there's more to this. Paul is addressing you as we have seen children as part of the church and part of the family of God. Do not take that for granted. Parents say this often. The preacher might say this often. You children hear this all the time. You might hear it in the Christian school, especially at the beginning of the school year. This is a Christian school. This is not a school for doing missions. This is a school where we are training those who are already in the kingdom. We don't need to convert you and bring you out of the world into the kingdom. You're members of the kingdom. You're saved by Jesus Christ. And so God, from that point of view, is saying to the children and the adult children, the young children, the adult children, it's pleasing to me when you obey your parents in all in authority over you. You may do other things well. That's good. And right now, you probably have a list of priorities and things you want to do well. I want to do well academically. I want to do well socially. I want to do well financially. I want to do well in sports. And it may be, in order for you and your parents to be told, the word of God never speaks of that. Make sure you become the best volleyball player you can be for this as well, pleasing to the Lord. Now the Lord's not against any of those things that I've mentioned. But there's one thing that the Lord says to children and young people that's pleasing to him. You obey your parents, your teachers, your bosses. This is your highest calling. If you're in that category of children, young or adult children, this is your high calling in the kingdom of God. Obey. Obey your parents. And in doing that, obey the Lord Jesus Christ. That means, if there's anyone here walking in rebellion, you don't obey. You don't obey your parents. You don't obey mom and dad. You don't obey your teachers. You have a calling to repent, seek forgiveness for that sin, and turn to the right way of obedience. Children, we know you're not perfect. And hopefully, you stand before this command and say, I do have a conviction of guilt. And I need forgiveness. but that you also will stand before this command and the assurance of forgiveness through the cross of Jesus Christ, the assurance of the power of the Spirit coming to you on the basis of that cross, and that you will have some excitement for this. God has given me the calling and the power to live a different life from the rebellious children of this world. He's given me the calling to live this beautiful life. Subjection to Him and to my parents in authority over me. Children, obey. Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Who are these fathers? Who are you, fathers? They are men of faith, men who know salvation, men who know they are not perfect, men who have been humbled by the knowledge of sin, men who have received the forgiveness of their sins, who know the joy of being in Christ and having salvation. They are men of faith, then, who recognize God is the ultimate Father. and he's the father of my wife, remember? My wife's identity is not she's my wife, but first of all that she's a daughter of God. And now these men of faith look at their children, and hopefully the mothers do this, and the teachers in the school. These are not little vipers, not little reprobates, heathens, They're God's children. Meaning again, they're not mine to do whatever I want with them. God's, and I must honor God with the children he has given me. Now, the text does not leave out the mothers, as I said. I believe that when you look at these two verses together, you recognize in verse 20, parents are involved, father and mother. Verse 21 is not denying that when it speaks to fathers, but what we have here is Scripture emphasizing, and you can look in 1 Timothy 3 and see that emphasis too, The one who rules the home and who is accountable before God. For the home is the Father. Does it matter then? It doesn't matter if there are any fathers here who like to cast blame on their wives. If there are any fathers who like to cast blame on the school or the church. And what I mean by it doesn't matter is it isn't gonna work with God. God is going to say to the father, I hold you accountable. Fathers, provoke not thy children to anger lest they be discouraged. You are responsible for leading your wife and for loving and caring for your children. Now the text comes, beloved, with an implied calling, and I want you to see that first of all. The explicit calling is do not provoke thy children, but the implied calling here is instruct them and discipline them. Beloved, this text, is not a warning against lazy, neglectful parents. If a father does not instruct and discipline his children and if his wife is also not involved in that, they are not in danger of provoking their children and discouraging them. You see that? So that the implication is, in order to provoke your children and discourage them, you have to be involved in their lives as a father and a mother. You have to be instructing them. You have to be disciplining them. You have to be doing the things that would provoke them and discourage them. And so there is a warning in Scripture about neglectful parents. That warning is not that you're going to provoke your children. That warning is you'll spoil them. And the Word of God calls for instruction and discipline. Proverbs 13, verse 24. And there are more passages. Give your son, your daughter instruction. Give your son, your daughter guidance. Drive sin away from them, drive them away from the world. If you are not involved in this, your children are going to have sin dwelling in their hearts, it's going to take over their lives, and they will live like the world. Don't do that. But now, the Apostle Paul, I believe, is writing to believing parents. who understand this. Their warning here then that they need is not this. If you don't instruct your children, if you don't discipline them, they are going to depart from the ways of the Lord and be like the world. No, the apostle is addressing Christian fathers and mothers who are serious. about their calling before the Lord with regard to their children. That's implied in the text, but beloved, let's make that explicit tonight. Fathers, mothers, you must be in the Word, living the Word as an example, and you must be teaching that Word, bringing it to your children, applying it to their lives. and reinforcing it with discipline. The rod when they are younger. Other forms of discipline when they are older. The warning is be very careful and godly and avoid sin. in the instruction and discipline of your children. The warning is against overbearing discipline. overly harsh discipline. Discipline that is administered in a sinful way. Beloved, we have to admit, don't we, that on the one hand, yes, there can be this sin that we commit, that we are not as spiritually attentive as we ought to be to our children. We may be neglectful towards them. On the other hand, we may not easily excuse ourselves and say, well, I'm always speaking to my children, and I am administering discipline, and therefore, everything's going the right way in my home. No, God has another warning, not only the warning against neglect, but against ungodly. tyrannical, abusive parenting of the children. We have to admit that there are many ways that we can sin in instructing our children and administering discipline. Who of us hasn't faced the reality that we recognize sometimes in our discipline of our children we're inconsistent? And that can provoke them to wrath. Here I was doing something that before you never told me was wrong. You never punished me for this. Now all of a sudden you're blowing up with explosive anger against me and saying this is wrong. And there may be lack of control. Discipline. But don't lose your temper. Don't become overly angry. There may be lack of love and respect for the child. Discipline is done, but not with this in mind, this will be good for the child, but done out of cruelty. Discipline that should be private is perhaps done publicly to the shame and the embarrassment of the child. There are times when discipline must be done publicly, not denying that. But most of the time, if it's done for the benefit of that child and not just because the parent or the teacher is having a temper tantrum, it should be done in private. Discipline is done sometimes in lack, and this is the key, isn't it? Of love for God. You ever thought about that, beloved? What led to your inconsistency in discipline? What led to your explosive anger in discipline? What led to your cruelty in your use of words or in the use of the rod? When it comes down to it, it's not always the case that we're saying, all right, discipline is about breaking God's commands. This is when we're going to discipline you, son, when you've done evil according to the word of God. Not when you made me run out of my patience. Not when somehow you have become a hindrance to me in my life. Not because somehow you made me look bad in the eyes of other people. No, this is the only thing that matters to me and your mother. When you do well and keep the word of God, we'll encourage you. When you break the word of God, that's when we must rebuke you, and sometimes in love for God, and for you, for the sake of God, we will have to discipline you. Beloved, I hope that this is not a bombshell text for you, but it would have been in Paul's day. Verse 20, and we can go back also to verse 18, In Paul's day, everyone would have said, yes, wives submit to your husbands. And yes, children obey your parents. But husbands must love their wives and not be bitter against them. And fathers must not provoke children to anger. In that culture, under the Roman Empire, there was a tradition called patria podesta, so that the thinking in that culture was husbands and fathers may do what they want with their wives and children. They're their property. They may discipline them. They may discipline them severely without restraint. In many cases, they even had the right to murder their wives and children. Beloved, the word of God comes with the glorious message of the kingdom of God. God's kingdom ruled by Jesus Christ is radically different from the world. If you are a man in the church, you are subject to the headship of Christ. And you are called to love God, but to love your neighbor as yourself, including your wife and your children. And so, being a parent, a father, does not make you right no matter what you do. God has a will for you, and there's a sin you must avoid, provoking your children to anger by being a tyrant, cruel, and discouraging them. And that discouragement may be such that it drives them from God and from the church. You see, the apostle is teaching fathers from the perspective that you, fathers, and the mothers too, are going to reflect God in your relationship to your children. So that the most important thing that your children receive from you is not two, three meals a day and warm clothes and a warm place to live, but that the most important thing that your children receive from you is that you are the means by which God expresses His love, His care for them as their heavenly Father. So what's the positive calling? Negatively, do not provoke to anger and discourage. Positively, be humble. Ask for grace. We tremble, don't we? I think we should hear that from children maybe more than we do. I have a high calling to obey my parents. And I know that I have much sin. I need grace to forgive me and to strengthen me to obey my parents. We hear that from parents, don't we? Parents, when they're given their first covenant child, and as they go through the years of seeking to bring up their children in the fear of the Lord, Parents express, I know I have a tremendous calling, and I know that I fail in my calling, and I hope the Lord doesn't judge me and my children because of my weaknesses and sins. Be humble, ask for forgiveness. God, yes. Sometimes your children, too. Acknowledge your sins and failings and ask them to forgive you for God's sake. And then be humble and ask God for the grace. And trust too, be confident now. Don't just be humble, but be confident. God has made me a father, he's made me a mother, and he will give me the grace that I need. God has given me these children, and though I'm weak in my own strength, he will give me the strength. And then, be a godly and encouraging parent. There has to be discipline. There has to be rebukes. There has to be the driving out of sin through correction from a child's heart. But do you see it, beloved? The goal is that they may be encouraged that they may grow in the Lord and bear fruit to the glory of the Lord. I wonder how many parents need to be reminded of this tonight. The focus is not on the sin and the evil that has to be driven out of the child's heart. But the focus is on driving that sin out of the child's heart, that that child may know the love of God in Jesus Christ, and then serve God in love, bearing the fruit of the Spirit. To put it simply, there need to be more hugs than spankings, more words of encouragement than rebukes. I'm going to end tonight, beloved, by tying this text to a passage in the Old Testament, Isaiah 28. And this text is a beautiful explanation of the positive desire and perspective of God in dealing with His child, Israel, the church. And now I believe what we're to take from this, I'm going to read it in a moment, is as parents, we are to have a positive mission. with regard to our children, not always negative. Listen to Isaiah 28, verse 24. I'll read through verse 26. I'll let you read the rest of it on your own tonight if you desire to do that. Verse 24 of Isaiah 28. Doth the plowman plow all day to sow? Doth he open and break the clods of his ground? When he hath made plain the face thereof, doth he not cast abroad the fitches, and scatter the cumin, and cast in the principal wheat, and the appointed barley, and the rye in their place? Now, you may have to read in some other versions to completely understand what is said here, but does the plowman plow all day? In other words, is this all a farmer does? Plow his ground. Plow, plow, plow. Now at some point, he's broken up the ground, and it's time to quit focusing on getting rid of the grass and the weeds, and to plant the seed, and to nurture that seed, and to seek to bring forth fruit through that seed. And now, this is what God is saying He does with Israel. There's chastening, there's rebuking, isn't there in the Old Testament? God had to address sin and drive sin out of Israel, but God is saying, don't at all think this is all I focus on. I want to drive out the weeds, I want to drive out your sin. I'm not always plowing to plow. but I love you and encourage you and focus on sowing good in you and through you. Beloved, I believe that's what the Apostle Paul now is calling for in this text. Here's your place in the kingdom, parents and children. Love the Lord. and encourage each other to bear fruit in love for the Lord. Children, obey. Parents, do not provoke, but encourage. Amen. Father in heaven, we thank Thee for Thy Word, we pray. that we may take it to heart in all of our lives, knowing that we are called to live as those who are redeemed by Christ and indwelt by his spirit. Now, whether we are married or single, whether we have children in the home or not, Lord, grant that our home life may be sanctified, that we may be different from the world, that we may be devoted to thee. We pray it in Jesus' name, amen.