I just prayed. I always like to do this as a reminder. I know our conversation was about these things, and quite honestly, I know some people, it stresses them out. It makes their blood pressure really go up talking about subjects like that, but I enjoy it. You know, we do exist and live in a country and in the issues that we deal with, and I think that our biblical worldview should influence us on those things. But I always like to remind myself and remind others that while it can look bleak at times, God is in control. And I always go back to Daniel 4, and I may even, I've been thinking about doing either a pastoral prayer time or something like that the Sunday before the election. just reminding us that the Most High rules over the kingdoms of men and gives it to whomever He wills. And so that goes for either one. He is sovereign over this. So I actually wanted to finish this up today. We have been doing this book ever since we started doing these Saturday breakfasts, and I think we're going on almost two years doing this, and we have not got through this book. So at the point, we were, I think, three chapters to go, and we're just gonna finish it up. I'm ready to be done with this book. There's three more chapters, so I really broke it down into the three chapters into three points. And I'm actually gonna fly through some of this stuff because one of the chapters is just review anyways. And I really wanted to just give you a very practical thing. And I know like we have three husbands here, so I'm sure there's some of our guys in the church that'll listen to this. But really the main thing I wanted to give to you today was just a practical application. uh counseling a couple and um we I walked them through this and they have said like it really made a difference and um and just working through some of their things and I thought you know it's such a good just practical application that, you know, I don't know if I've ever talked about it publicly and from the pulpit or anything like that. So that's what I wanted to end with. But the first part is what Lou Priolo discusses in, I think, chapter 12, which is, do you value or treasure your wife? And he goes back to 2 Peter, or 1 Peter, chapter 3. Verse number seven, likewise husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, which we covered that, and that was really where we leaned into, was living with your wives in an understanding way. But then we come to the second part of this verse, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Misunderstanding in this verse. People sometimes don't quite understand what Peter is saying here. So let's workshop this just a little bit when he says, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. All right, what do you think he's meaning here? Okay? I think either way, even if you get the right interpretation of this verse, I mean, it just, it'll make feminists, like, lose their minds, right? Either way you slice it, they do not like this language, right? But the fact of the matter is, it's in the Bible, this is what it says, so what does it actually mean? I think that one of the first aspects to understand is what he says first, before he gets to the weaker vessel language, he says what? Showing honor. Showing honor. That word honor is also a Greek word that is used throughout the other parts of the New Testament that points to a word that means revere, respect. It's used also as our viewpoint of, in one part I think Paul uses it to talk about how we should esteem God. I'm not saying we, Peter's usage of it here is saying we esteem our wives like we esteem God, but it's really getting at that understanding of we need to, and this is where he gets this language in his chapter, we need to value and treasure our wives. Then he goes on and gives a reason for that when he says, honor them as the weaker vessel. Okay. Now, is it true that men are built, um, uh, in fashion and created by God in a different way than women. All right, that's part of the idiocy of our culture, right? There's no differences. Yes, there is difference. The strongest man will always be stronger than the strongest woman. I remember, and this, the whole ideology just like falls flat on its face with sports. I remember hearing like left-wing, I mean this person is just, she's a liberal left-wing nut, but She can't deny her sport. I think it was Venus or Serena Williams. I don't remember which one it was. I think it was Venus Williams. The star female tennis player going down probably as one of the greatest female tennis players of all time. And I remember her saying, the worst tennis player on the men's circuit can serve a whole lot harder than the best women's server in the women's circuit. There's no comparison. She even had to come to that. Listen, it's just not a debate. It's the case. And if you're gonna take a man and put him in the women's circuit, these women aren't gonna be able to return his serves, is what she was getting at. Okay, so we understand all of that. I think there is a degree of that in what he's saying here, but that's not the point he's driving through. Because there are elements, let's just be honest, there are areas where our wives are a whole lot tougher than we are. Yes, she can. Yes, she can. All day long. I don't know if I could have done childbirth, guys. I'm just telling you, there would not be four kids in our household, all right? I just look at my wife and I'm like, okay, you got me on that one. I'm a wuss when it comes to that kind of stuff, all right? There are areas where they are tougher. They are. It's the way that God made us, though. But I think when you connect what's going on here and the language that is used behind what's translated weaker vessel, what he's getting at more is the area of value. I think one guy has illustrated it this way, and it's been sort of a, I think it was more of a Puritan. And so this illustration is carried through time, but I think it hits it so well. It's not necessarily saying that the woman, this is a verse just like, you women are weak. It's more of a verse likening it to a vase. You think of a very nice, expensive vase or vase. Is that thing valuable? Yes. Is it beautiful? Yes. But does it need to be taken care of with great care? Yeah. Why? Because it can be broken. Okay. And so therefore, he's saying you treat them with honor because they are more valuable, but they can be, that value can also be fragile. So in other words, I think Luperiello sums it up well. Do you treasure her? Do you value her? Your wife has weaknesses. We all do. Do you see your wife's weaknesses or do you see her strengths? Are you only seeing her weaknesses or do you see her strengths? And do you take those strengths and do you say, those are great things and in your mind, Do they, are they elevated? Like are they just magnified? Like in your mind, like this woman is awesome because of this and this and this. So before I move on from this subject, I didn't get around to, I could, I had time, but I just didn't do it. I was gonna copy this off, but on page 237 he has a list. Specific ways that husbands may honor and show respect for their wives. I'll just read through these. Learning and using proper etiquette. I don't know. Making sure that you're not, you know, we have bodily functions, all right? And when you get married or if you are married, you know your wife has them too, okay? But she probably doesn't want to hear them all the time, like Tim the Toolman Taylor, okay? She probably is not impressed by your ability to burp the alphabet. Okay, so learning and using proper etiquette. Refusing to use harsh, condescending, or demeaning forms of communication when talking to her. Refusing to take advantage of her weakness. Refusing to abuse your authority over her. Praising her before others, especially your children. I have seen this firsthand in family. If you, Lift up your wife, especially if you got sons. If you lift up your wife, your children will respect their mother. But if you put her down in front of them, especially sons, they will not respect her. If they don't see you respect her, they won't respect her. Being attentive to her when she is talking to you. Stop what you are doing if possible. Look her in the eyes and listen intently to what she's saying. This is something that I, you know, I like to be transparent and honest. Something I work on, you know, because I like to put the game on mute and she wants to talk to me. I'm like, okay, I can not listen to the game. I can talk to her and I can do both. I can, you know, watch the game, listen to her because it's on mute. It don't work that way. Because before long, she said something that it just went past me because I was watching that play. So I'm still learning, turn the TV off, turn the TV off. But football season just started, man. Being considerate of her time and schedule in light of her other biblical priorities outside of being your wife. Asking for and considering her opinion, especially when making plans and decisions that involve her. Working hard to provide for her physical and spiritual needs. Providing her with enough financial resources to facilitate her biblical responsibilities. Providing her with the financial resources to do a few things that have little to do with being your wife or the mother of your children. Being generous rather than stingy. about things that don't directly benefit you, I would say the emphasis probably there is on the word directly, but if she's in a good mood, it benefits you. So therefore, it is benefiting you regardless, okay? Protecting her from sin and temptation, being considerate of and helping her to prioritize her schedule, not embarrassing her in front of or revealing her weaknesses to others, dwelling on her positive qualities as much as possible, and overlooking her irritating idiosyncrasies. Why can we do that? Why can we do that? Well, because of Christ, I was getting a, we have them too. You know, humility says, yeah, I have irritating idiosyncrasies too, so I'm not going to be prideful and like, you know, just focus it on yours. praising her and commending her to others, helping to establish and maintain her good name, not allowing the children to talk disrespectfully of her. Okay? A couple more on the next page. Using kindness and gentleness in your dealings with her, attributing the best possible motives to her actions. 1 Corinthians 13, seven, love believes all things, especially when it appears she has not followed your clear directives. Conducting yourself as a married gentleman who is in love with his wife, especially when in the presence of other women, okay? This was something that, that one right there, I think is important, and something that I tried to maintain in ministry, especially when I was youth pastor, because I had somebody give me some advice, and I was like, That's really good. Even though I think that I'm a short, roly-poly, lumpy-looking loser dude, and I don't know why anybody would find me attractive, I just tried to listen to some of these guys, because when I was a youth pastor, they were like, listen, if you don't think that a teenage girl can have a crush on you, You're crazy. You've got to be on guard for that, because if not, then you'll just fall right into it. And now I do tend to think that that's a lot less likely. It's more like normally the authority figure is normally the one preying on that. But I can't say that it hasn't happened. And one of the ways that they said to combat that, and I think this is the same way, not just among teenagers, but even in adults, is if other women know that you think the world of your wife, it doesn't enter into their mind. And so, in other words, they were like, if you're gonna talk in front of teenagers, always talk about how awesome your wife is, how much you love your wife. If you sign a card, always sign it you and your wife's name. And then I got to the point where if I write a card, I sign my wife's name and I say, hey, read this so you know what I said. So if somebody comes to you and says, hey, thank you for the card, because your name was in it, you know it was in there. So that's sort of a practice that we do just to make sure that it just never comes to that, just being on the, taking the high road in that area. The next chapter is, are you the spiritual leader of your home? And this is just really a review chapter. I would say this, I would change the question just a little bit. Not, are you the spiritual leader of your home? Because the answer to that is unequivocally, yes. I think the actual question is, are you spiritually leading? Because you are the spiritual leader of your home regardless. Are you doing it? Are you spiritually leading? And so then here's the points. A spiritual leader is a man who lives with his wife in an understanding way, which was covered in chapters one and two. A spiritual leader is a man who knows how to communicate biblically, which was covered in chapters 3 and 4. A spiritual leader is a man who loves his wife as Christ loves the church. This was covered in chapters 5, 6, and 7. A spiritual leader is a man who can discern the spiritual condition of his wife and lovingly lead her to spiritual maturity, which was covered in chapter 9. A spiritual leader is a man who is aware of the dangers his wife is facing and knows how to protect her from those dangers, which was covered in chapters 11, which we covered in the last two lessons on protecting your wife. And then a spiritual leader is a man who honors his wife as a weaker vessel, which was covered in chapter 12. And then the last two here is what is covered in this chapter, and that is a spiritual leader is a man who assumes responsibility for the management of his own household. Now, that does not mean that you don't delegate certain things to your wife. But because you delegate those things to your wife, does not mean that you check out on those things. If you delegate, who's responsible? I'm looking here, all of us homeschool our children. Who's responsible for the education of your children? You are. You may delegate that to your wife because you work and she's home, but you're responsible for it. And this is one area that like, you know, every now and again we have to sit down and Mary's like, You know, I can, I'm just telling you, the temptation for me is like, my wife is an excellent teacher. She's an excellent mom. And I'm just like, you got this, babe. And I just don't think about it because I got a hundred other things going on. And she's like, she'll say, uh, I think you need to know what's going on. You know, have you asked the kids like what they're learning lately? I was like, Like, oh no, no, no, you're right, you're right. But it's my responsibility. It's my responsibility. And that kind of thing. So, the management of your household. Are you aware of that, that that's what you're stewarding? But also, you know, you delegate some of those things, but just, and this, I think sometimes, if your wife's heart is in the right place, And if you're handling the conversation well, this is not a thing that would, she would get defensive over of like, why are you questioning me? It would be more of a thing of like, she probably wants to talk to you about it. She probably wants to sit down with you and is like, let's go over this. At least that's the way my wife is many times. She's like, I just, sometimes she just needs somebody to hear what she's doing and let her know if she's, doing a good job because I think there's a lot of voices in the mom world out there. It's like, maybe I'm not doing enough or this person did this and it's so much cooler than what I'm doing with our kids. And they get into these like worlds and I'm like, stop listening to that. I mean, you can't be everything. You're doing a great job. You know, I've been very happy like, I talked to her, I'll just be honest with you, we don't have the perfect home or anything like that. But I was very convicted about how much TV our kids were watching during the day. And again, this is not a knock against her, because she's always the one telling me, and I'm just like, eh, whatever. I watched a lot of TV growing up. That shouldn't be the standard, right? It's like, wait a second, maybe I messed up. But then it hit me and I was like, okay, this is what she's been trying to tell me. And I was on the same page with her finally. So I went to her and we started thinking up some different ways to do this. And I was like, I don't want to make your life harder because this is my conviction. So what is a way we can do this to where you don't feel like I've just put an extra burden on you? And she's like, no, I've been wanting to do more of this. And so my thing was like, let's make them read. I want them to read more. Well, the problem is, is I only have two that can read, the other two can't read. So what are we gonna do with them? Well, that does put an extra burden on her, because now she's gotta sit down with them and find time to make them read. And she was on board with it, but it just wasn't going quite the way we were wanting. But, what I've noticed is, is she redirected and tweaked. And it's working fantastic right now. Because she's got the two younger ones, well, maybe not so much Maggie, but Maggie likes to watch, building puzzles. And it's working their mind, it's not sitting in front of a TV, but they'll sit there for hours and work the puzzle. And put together a 500-piece puzzle, and I'll come home after three days, and they're like, yeah, we got it done, but we're missing one piece. I'm like, ah. And so they've done three puzzles already, and I'm like, this is great, because they're not sitting in front of a TV, but they're doing something that's engaging their mind, while they can't quite read a book quite yet. And I was just so like, I haven't told her this, but I need to tell her. I was just like so excited and just encouraged by just her creativity and mothering and parenting in that area of like, okay, well, this is, trying to make them read was just a little bit of a challenge, but this right here, they've gotten into and it's really been beneficial. So, you know, just work together with these things and talk through these things because sometimes she probably just wants to hear your take and know that she's not crazy. The first, I did have a text that I wanted to read for there and discuss real quick. 1 Timothy. 1 Timothy 3. 1 Timothy 3. Verse number four. 1 Timothy 3 are the qualifications for an elder or a pastor. And when you get to verse four, he says, he must manage his own household well with all dignity, keeping his children submissive. For if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church? Now, you may read this and say, yep, it's a good verse for you, John. And then that's it. Here's the deal. This is a qualification for the pastor. In other words, this is a must. Like this is a bare minimum must for him to hold this office. But the rest of the men in the church, I mean, you lead through these qualifications. This is sort of the expectation of you. It's just like, you don't lose your position if you're not doing it. It's like, no, you still need to work at these things. But this is a must be for the pastor. So should you manage your own household well? Yeah, yeah. And it's your responsibility as well. A spiritual leader is a man who has learned to be a servant to his wife. A spiritual leader is a man who has learned to be a servant to his wife. Matthew chapter 20. Verse number 20, Then the mother of the sons of Zebedee came up with her sons, and kneeling before him, she asked him for something. And he said to her, What do you want? She said to him, Say that these two sons of mine are to sit, one at the right hand and one at your left, in your kingdom. Jesus answered, You do not know what you are asking. Are you able to drink the cup that I am to drink? They said to him, we are able. He said to them, you will drink my cup, but to sit at my right hand and at my left is not mine to grant, but it is for those whom it has been prepared by my father. When the 10 heard it, they were indignant at the two brothers, but Jesus called them to him and said, you know the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them and their great ones exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you. Whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be your slave, even as the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve and to give His life a ransom for many." Listen, when it comes to leading and leading your home, You can go by, I mean, we're reading that book in our leadership meetings. I mean, we can read all the books. We can sit under all the dad-blame seminars there are, but when it comes down to who's our example, it's Jesus. It all comes back to Christ. And if we're not leading like Christ, We're missing the most important chapter. We're not getting the most important points. So when it comes down to it, that's your standard. How are you leading? Are you leading like Christ? Are you leading like, and this is what has been classified as servant leadership, washing the disciples' feet, showing them the example, and that kind of thing. So stepping in and helping them out. There are times where I am like, nope, to, you know, whether it's Maggie or Mason, no, you need to learn how to clean your room. You know, you don't need help. You're big enough now. You need to do it. And there are some times where if I say, go clean your room, and they, you know, Mason doesn't do it anymore. Maggie does it now. I'm like, I need help. No, you don't. You're big enough now. You can go clean it. And whenever they do it and they have the right attitude, my daddy heart is like, I'll go help them. I'll serve with them, because they just exhibited that humble spirit, and so they get to see me helping and serving them, and that kind of thing. So, how to become a servant to your wife. This was on page 255. Make a list of the ways you have abused your authority over your wife. Here are a few common ones to get you started by asking her to do things that are sinful. It goes through these things if this is a struggle for you. Number two, ask her, Forgiveness for the specific ways that you have lorded your authority over her and not had a servant's heart toward her. Remember to use the format discussed in chapter 4. Number three, regularly pray for her and for your attitude toward her, asking God to give you wisdom and humility to be a servant. Number four, make it your goal to help her achieve her God-honoring goals and become excited about helping her to be successful. Ask your wife about her goals and what you can help her achieve them. Number five, look for opportunities to minister to her in other ways. Invest your time, effort, thought, and money into ministering to her. Discover what her needs are and use your resources to meet them. Number six, be faithful in fulfilling your own household responsibilities in order to be a servant to your wife. You must start by being faithful in the things she has already asked you to do. Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found faithful. This is especially true of the little things. He who is faithful in the very little thing is faithful also in much, and he who is unrighteous in very little thing is unrighteous also in much. You can't be the complete husband if you're not willing to pick up your socks." Thank you, Lou. And then number seven, assist her in fulfilling her chores and other responsibilities without being asked to. Number eight, learn to esteem her more highly than you esteem yourself. And so become a servant of your wife. And then, let's see. I wanted to just give you this little idea. Sometimes, whether we're working through some of these things, this walk through this book, we recognize areas that need to be changed. And so we know that a conversation needs to be had. or just typically things are going very well, but then life throws at you something that you know you need to have a tough conversation with. And a lot of times, we don't know how to go about that. So this is just a simple thing that is like a little application that I wanted to give you to closing out this, that I learned, shoot, in the early days of just going through the training for biblical counseling. I read it, and I remember thinking, well, that's a really cool idea, and then not thinking a whole lot about it, And then, you know, then it'll come back around. I'm like, that's a really cool idea. And then just, then I heard a couple of stories of people that did that and it really worked for them. And then I was just impressed by it with, I used it in counseling here recently and it really just like was what this couple needed. So it may not be what you need, but I just thought, you know, I should probably do this, like give this out because, You may not need it now, but you may need it in the future. And that is this thing, Jay Adams talked about this with families, with husbands and wives in particular that are needing to cover hard subjects. You know, a lot of times the mood is not right. The time is not right. You know, you ever had like the time where you're just exhausted, but your wife is ready to talk about a subject and you're like, it's not the right time. And then, you know, the issue just comes out and you don't respond well or vice versa. you need to talk about this," but she's either, you know, it's a particular part of the month or it's the kids were just particularly extra that day, whatever it is, and she's not responding well. Or you're like, I know, we're gonna go out to a nice restaurant, we're gonna have a date, and when we sit down at the restaurant, we're gonna have this conversation. And then you quickly find out, why did I do this at this restaurant in front of everybody, and now we can't eat our meal? It's like, not in the mood to eat. And it just goes south, okay? This is something that I think is very helpful. You can call it whatever you want. Jay Adams actually called it in his book in the 70s, the family conference table. The family conference table. And I think the couple that I worked with called it their family meeting time. But basically what it is, is you have some, it's just like a family rule. And really, it was used a lot for whenever you had teenagers that were struggling with a certain issue. It's like, all right, instead of just hashing this out, you know, in the moment, it's like, okay, boom, we're gonna call a family meeting, the teenager has to sit at the table. But the thing is, is that you have rules about the discussion, and the rules are laid out, and the rules are gone over, and you don't violate the rules. And so, a couple of these things would be like this. Number one, you have a set time. The time must be established beforehand. So therefore, if you know that you need to have this conversation or you need to have this meeting, then it's like, all right. So you sit down with your wife, you're like, we need to have a talk. I can do it this time tomorrow at this time. Does this work for you? Well, no, it doesn't work for me, but the next day it does work for me. All right, so then that'll work. So you haven't agreed upon time. The subject is given in advance, so no one's blindsided about the subject, because isn't that where a lot of the tension comes up, is because you're going about your day, and then boom, now you're talking about this, and you weren't prepared for it. So the subject is given in advance, all right? So we need to talk about, so we're gonna meet, this is what I wanna talk about. And so neither party is blindsided. They're prepared that you're going to talk about this, all right? Helps you sort of get your emotions in check a little bit, all right? So the subject is pick and advance. The place is agreed upon. Are we going to do this at the restaurant? Probably not the best place to do it at restaurants, okay? In public settings. Are we going to do it at the kitchen table? Are we gonna do it after the kids go to bed? It's the place and time of whenever it happens must be agreed on as well. So therefore you don't have a bunch of interruptions happening and it's a... One or both parties can have the confidence that it's going to be a private setting to where, you know, if they feel embarrassed about the subject matter, they're not going to be embarrassed by other people being around, that kind of thing. All right. And so then you agree to certain communication rules. You agree that, all right, there's not going to be any name calling. There's, you're gonna talk about the issue and not allegations. And I'm just, I asked them, I was like, can you guys print me off your rules? And they were like, oh, I left my book at work, I'm not gonna get it till Monday. I was like, all right, no worries, because I thought that they really did a good job at laying out the rules. So I'm just going off the top of my head here of some that they did. But another one is, you agree not to interrupt the other. So if you're talking and you're saying something, then you're agreeing to be respectful to that person to finish before you. say, you may have an objection to what they're saying, you may say, that's not the case, that's not true, but you agree that you're gonna let them finish instead of interrupting, okay? Because then things can get escalated whenever you're interrupting. Another one is that you agree that you will use clarification. If it's offensive or something like that, let me clarify, is this what you're saying? And you can add like probably several others. What I did with this couple was like, hey, this is what I told them. I said, here's your assignment. I don't want you to talk about any tense subjects this week. Here's what I want you to do. You must come back to me with a meeting and you must agree upon established rules. That was their assignment. Like, you must come back with your rules established before you discuss it. So you are going to meet, but the subject of your meeting is to establish these rules, write them down, and agree upon them. And so that's what they did. So then they come back, and we reviewed over them, and they were like, number one, they were both on the same page with it. So then the next thing was like, all right, now you got your rules, now you're gonna discuss a hard subject. And so then we put them, and I said, what you do is you take this, you pray before you start, and that was one of their rules. We pray before we start. And you lay it out, and I said, for the first couple of meetings, for the first several times, you're probably gonna have to have this right there open in front of you. So you, referring to it, because you're gonna be like, I wanna, no, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do this. But you know what's gonna happen after a while? You're going to know him. And then it's going to take on as that's how you communicate with your spouse. And so what have you done? You've just built very much respectful communication with the other person. And for the time being, it's going to be something that they build trust and communication between each other, but they're establishing a a pattern that if a child, a teenager, is having a struggle or something like that, and just maybe being disrespectful or rebellious, it's like, all right, we have a family meeting, and you do the exact same rules that you're discussing with the kid, and the kid's got to abide by them too. And if it gets to where the emotions are just too high, and you're like, I just don't think I can follow these rules right now, take a break, go calm down. You know, that kind of stuff. So I've never, I don't know, maybe I have and I just don't remember, but I've never really discussed that application principle of the family meeting table, family conference table, but I just think it's such a good idea. And I just saw it work very well here recently. So figured I would just share it with you. Maybe it's something you can use in the future. Pass along to somebody, maybe somebody listening is what they needed to hear. So this is the complete husband. I have a direction I may want to go in. But I'm not sure, what is it, September? So we have what, three more for the rest of the year? So I don't know. I was thinking about doing, going through some of the books that have been big in my life. Then I thought about Knowing God, how cool it would be to just go through Knowing God with you guys chapter by chapter. So I'm not sure where I'm gonna go, but we just spent two years on being a husband, so you should have it down by now. But let's pray and we'll be finished with the teaching part. Father, thank you so much for this day. Thank you for your word and how it guides us to be better men, better husbands, and I pray, Father, that you'll help us to be God-honoring, God-glorifying citizens in this country that you've given us, and we pray that we can glorify you in our homes and in the church. We love you and give you the praise in Jesus' name, amen.