I wish this could be interactive so it could be question and answer. That might jog my memory about what some things to say. I should mention there's a publishing company called Lydia Press. And actually it's a company that I formed. And we make materials, discipleship materials, actually we call it spiritual exercise equipment, for those people who are rebuilding their lives. I'll give you both our email address. and our telephone number and our website, so that if you want to get in touch with us, I'd really like to talk to you either on the phone or through email or whatever, or maybe there might be some resources that you or your past you could get. The address for Lydia Press, and that's spelled L-Y-D-I-A, and then another word, P-R-E-S-S, is Box 62069, Colorado Springs, Colorado. 80962-2069. And our email address is Lydia Press, it's all one word and it doesn't have any caps, Lydiapress at Interfold.com. That's spelled I-N-T-E-R-F-O-L-D.com, Interfold. Our phone number here at the office is area code 719-328-7199. 9825 and also our website which should be running by the time you get this tape is just Lydia Press again one word with no cap LydiaPress.com and you'll be able to reach us there through email as well. Since I didn't really have a counselor for so many years when the Lord started healing me of MPD and all the Satanic ritual abuse, the SRA situation. As I mentioned already, the two things that he encouraged me to do was to, as much as I could, keep my mind in the truth of scripture. And secondly, being able to agree with his healing, what he was doing, by affirming things out loud that was true. One of the things that really ruled my life was self-hatred. I had learned that if I couldn't make that hate go out toward the people who were hurting me, I could boomerang it back to me and make myself hurt. And somehow there was pleasure in that. Somehow there was control in that, a sense of control. So I had a huge thing of self-hatred in my life. So that was one of the things that I began with the Lord to start working on by using those affirmations of truth. I would say things like, I choose not to hate myself. And every time I said that, inside a volcano erupted. And I said, I hate myself, I hate myself. But at least I wasn't saying it out loud. And that may be where you need to start. If you can't say some of these truths out loud, say them inside as loudly as you can. so that at least it's getting into your mind. And also, as much as you're able, stop saying the things that are almost like self-curses. Like, there's no hope for me. I'll never get better. All those kinds of things. The first step in not thinking them is not saying them. So it might be helpful to begin there. But the stronghold of self-hatred that I had and the affirmations that I made began to chip away at that terrible self-hatred. I would say things besides the fact that I don't hate myself. I would say, I choose to love myself the way God wants me to love myself. I wasn't sure what that was when I said that, but it was a start. And I started saying things about God, too. I would think, what do I think about God? He hates me. He's going to kill me. God is not good. I had a whole list of things. So I just said the opposite and put them on my list and would read those out loud every day. I choose to believe that God is good. I choose to believe that God has a plan in this. I choose to believe that God is not against me, but for me. God does not want to kill me. If you can't make those sentences out loud, you might ask the person that's helping you to read them out loud and onto a cassette, and then you could take the cassette home. One of the things that was so terrible for me was the nights. I made a little book of all the things that I did to agree with what God was doing in my life and called it Taking Every Thought Captive. If you call for information or catalog of things we have, that's one of the books we sell, Taking Every Thought Captive. But one of the chapters is called Taking Back the Night, because for those of us that have lived nightmares during the day and had daymares as I call them, we also had nightmares, a replaying of those things at night. Plus the enemy was trying to harass us and try to intimidate us and blackmail us. So what I did was, before I went to bed, I would just take a stand using my authority in Christ again. The actual prayer is in the book, Taking Every Thought Captive. But the essence of the little prayer is, I refuse to allow the enemy to harass me tonight. I choose to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. I put Jesus Christ in charge of my dream and my sleep tonight. Another thing that I did that helped take back the night and make it not so hellish was I memorized verses that would really be helpful in the middle of the night. Because when I would wake up and there would be a presence, a demonic presence in my room, I would be terrified. I could feel the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I couldn't be fumbling around trying to get up and get a scripture verse or get the Bible or something like that. So I memorized some verses. Here are some of them that I memorized. When you lie down, you will not be afraid. When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Do not be afraid of fear or of the onslaught of the enemy when it comes. For the Lord shall be your confidence. He will keep your foot from being caught. Another verse I memorized said, I lay down and I slept. I awoke for the Lord sustained me. Those kind of verses can be really powerful ammunition against fear and against terror that comes at night. It may take a while for you to find that your nights are such that you go to bed, fall right asleep, you don't have any nightmares, you wake up refreshed. Won't it be nice when you get to that point? I used to ask people how it was for them and I couldn't believe when they described it. I had to laugh, too, because I was staying awake four or five hours just in terror before I would sleep every night. So I would ask them, do you ever stay awake at night before you fall asleep? Oh, yes, they'd say. Sometimes it takes me half an hour to get to sleep. And I used to always wonder and think, boy, will I ever be that healed that it will only take a half an hour? It will come. Remember what I said? It won't always be this way. It will get better. Things will change. You'll find emotional healing and you'll find freedom from the way the enemy harasses you. You know, now that I'm on the other side now, seeing the emotions healed and seeing, in my own life, freedom from all the demonic influence in it, I just have such joy. I hope you can hear it in my voice. But you have to remember that I started out like you. I started out like that man in the Bible, remember? The man of the garrison, he was called. The demoniac, some people called him. In the Gospels, it talks about him, and it says that he had superhuman psychic strength, and he had supernatural strength, and he would gash himself, and he was in anguish, and lived in tombs. But he ran up to Jesus, and I think that was his only way of saying, I need help. You might not be able to verbalize too much when you go to Jesus Christ and say in prayer, I need help. But just the fact that you're listening to this, and I'm encouraging you to go to him, I think means you really do want help. You just haven't been able, perhaps, to find the right people that can help you, point you, to the one that can give you the health. Jesus Christ himself, remember that line in the tribe of Judah. So the Gadarene man ran up to Jesus, and Jesus cast out the wicked spirits that were in him. And I also believe, because God does everything perfectly, he also healed him emotionally. We don't know how that man had gotten the way he was, whether he opened the doors in his life himself, or whether they were opened by his parents or grandparents Whether he was deceived in Oakenson or not, we don't know. But we know there was an emotional toll to that. And at the end of the story, it says the man who had been running around with no clothes on, screaming and yelling and terrifying everyone, now he was clothed in his right mind, sitting at the feet of Jesus. As much as you're able, would you sit at the feet of Jesus? I used to be like that man. I used to have such a demonic presence that churches who didn't understand our authority in Christ used to be frightened of me. I used to have razor blade marks down my arms and they didn't know what to do with me. Then I went to some counseling that wasn't from the Lord and they thought that if I just tried to pretend that everything was okay, that would work. And one other counselor even said, when I described this murderous, hateful being inside, that I sensed He said that was the real me and I should just let that come out and live that way. I knew he wasn't really seeing things. I thought he was crazy. It was certainly crazy advice that he gave me. And then the Lord brought me to someone who understood that we have authority in Christ and no matter if we've come out of the occult or whatever, we've never messed up so much or we've never had so many things done to us that we're hopeless. There's a verse that I'm praying for you. It says, now may the God of peace, God of hope, fill you with all joy and peace in believing that you can abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. I wish I could lend you my hope, because I know probably from where you're sitting, it seems hopeless. And you've been on the verge of suicide so many times. But there really is hope. I can say that because I see it in the Word. I can say that because I see what God has done for other people. And I can say that because I know what He's done in my own life. He took me from somebody that was at all the marks of insanity, someone just like the man in the garret saying, and now you know what I do every day? I enjoy the Lord. He's been teaching me more and more about what He's really like. I go to bed and I sleep and I wake up refreshed. I don't have voices in my head anymore. I don't have fresh marks on my arms. I don't have that torment that makes those razor marks seem minor in comparison to the anguish that was inside of me. I wonder where you should start. I wonder where you could start agreeing with what God's doing in your life. That would be a good question for you to ask him. He can tell you specifically. And if there's too much confusion, that's why it's good to find a good, godly Christian counselor, but one who understands spiritual warfare, not just one who is a counselor. Whether it's a pastor or a lay counselor, I really believe that a lot of times, a lot of healing can come from somebody who just has an ear that listens to the Lord, has one hand holding on to the Lord and extends the other hand to you. So even without a degree in counseling, there may be someone there who can help you. They may be able to sort of give you the next step, the first step. Everybody's healing journey is different, but it all ends in the same place. It ends in freedom and joy and peace. I wish I could tell you what it's like to have peace inside, but I can't describe it well enough. to make you totally understand. But you know all the places inside that have anguish right now in you? Right now, all those places that used to have anguish in me have peace. And I consider it creative revenge that instead of destroying me, the one who's called the destroyer, Satan himself, God not only didn't allow him to destroy me, but he's put me in a place where I can make this audio tape for you right now. and maybe just give you enough hope that you'll try one more time and you'll start as much as you're able to draw close to God. I really hope you call us. The phone number again is 719-328-9825. To order materials or to talk to us or reach us on email, that's LydiaPress at Interfold.com. You know what one of our goals is? It's to train the church to disciple people like you. So that they have the resources they need, they have the assurance from the Lord that He will make them adequate ministers. But could I say one thing on their behalf? Whoever you're working with in your healing journey that helps you, point you to the Lord, they're going to goof up. They're going to make mistakes. Be ready when that happens, not to listen to the enemy, would they. See, you can't trust them either. Just forget it. You'll never be any different. Don't even try to get to them. That's the enemy's voice. Whether he says it directly or whether he deceives the ones inside, the other parts of your thoughts and emotions, if that's what they believe, please don't listen to him. He's the one that's trying to destroy you. Chalk it up as a mistake. And just say, Lord, I just, he messed up. He said the most stupid thing that he could ever possibly say, and I'm totally mad at him. I feel like kicking him in the leg. Please don't do that. Or if this is a pastor, listen, please wear high boots. Would you just say, would you give him room, cut in some slack to make him or her some slack to make a mistake? Try to look past that to their heart. Many people spend hours and hours helping person and they get thrown off track by one mistake that they make and then the person shuts them out. Would you call me before you shut them out? Boy, I sure wish I could be right there with you. I feel like I already know you, even though this has been a one-way conversation. I can tell just from the fact that you're where you're at, that you're a very special person and that God has placed in you an amazing creativeness and an amazing ability to stay alive in tremendous circumstances. Could I pray for you before we shut this recording off? Lord Jesus, as we sit here together in one way, Jesus, as I sit here on this side of the microphone and my new friend sits on the other side, I pray for them. I thank you that though the enemy, the roaring lion, has tried to chew them up and spit them out and prove that he is powerful, I am thankful that one of your names is the lion of the tribe of Judah, that you are greater than all, that you have chained the roaring lion and measured the length of his chain, that it is true that Christ is victor. Lord, I look at my own life and it makes me cry to see what you've done and how you've completely changed it. You brought me from, like, that guy in Scripture that was such a mess, that everybody thought was crazy, that person that themselves thought they were crazy. Father, You knew I wasn't crazy. I thank You for the gift that You made our minds have so that we can dissociate rather than go crazy. But I also thank You for the gift of bringing that mind back together. I pray that when my friend is hopeless, you would give her hope. And I pray when she's standing there at the verge of just the whole chasm of suicide, that you would just gently hold her back. Lord, reminder. Reminder of our conversation today. Reminder of truth from you, Lord. Lord, you know how it's sometimes hard to get in your room, especially if you've been through things like my friend and I have been through. So I ask you, Father, to break down the barriers to your truth. I ask that the enemy's mouth would be taped shut, that he couldn't lie and keep my friend away from getting to know you. Father, I pray for those around him or her that would be helping. I ask that you'd be a great discernment. I'd ask that you'd help them understand and be ready to listen, that they'd have godly comfort. I ask for patience. for both my friend and the person that helps her. And Lord, mostly I ask that you would show up every time we meet. That you would show up with truth. That your truth, like it says in your word, would be freedom. You're such an awesome Father that you never use that power against us. You use it against our enemies. So I ask that you use that power against the enemy that has tried to destroy my friend. Father, Look at what the enemy has tried to do in your life. Would you bring your vengeance on the enemy for what he's done? And Father, would you extend your kindness and your goodness and your caring, your tenderness toward my friends in a good way, Lord? I know you never touch us so hard. Lord, I wish I could get to know my friend better. I pray that you would be in charge of our connection. In any way, if you want us to be connected over the phone or through the mail or whatever, you would do that. We put that in your handbook. We just pray, dear Lord, that you are the one that puts people back together, whether it's the man in scripture, myself, or the person that's sitting listening to this tape. I do pray once more that prayer, dear Lord, that you, as the God of hope, would fill her with all joy and peace in believing that she could abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. I thank you in Jesus' name.