He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Children, obey your parents and the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with a promise that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. And you fathers do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. So there we end the reading of God's word. We give thanks to the Lord for his holy word. So the apostle Paul is instructing us, or rather the Lord is instructing us through his apostle about living a spirit-filled life. God has given all believers the Holy Spirit to help us live a godly life. After all, the whole purpose of our salvation is to restore us to a right relationship with God, and a right relationship with God is a godly relationship. It's one where you live unto God, godly. You live unto God. It's our desire then as believers to have the Spirit work in us, to be filled with the Spirit so that we can live a godly life that God wants, the beautiful lives of obedience that He has called us to as His people. The command to be filled with the Spirit was given way back in chapter 5, verse 18. That's why I reached back that far in the reading. And it's explained by three primary participles. There's more participles than that, but three primary ones. Speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, verse 19. Giving thanks always for all things. And then thirdly, submitting to one another in the fear of God, verse 21. So those are the three things that you do when you're filled with the Spirit. You worship God with your brothers and encourage them in the Lord and worship and such, and bring praise to God. You give thanks to God for what you have when you're filled with the Spirit, for what He's done. We live a life of gratitude. Obedience is an expression of our gratitude, and then we submit to one another in the fear of God. We live in relationships that God has established the way he wants us to live in them. So from here, the apostle then goes on to that submitting to one another in the fear of God, those relationships that involve submission. And he talks about those relationships and gives particulars about them. And each one, the first one is the wife, husband. That's verse 22 to 33. That's the longest one. The second one is child, parent, and that's from six. chapter 6 verse 1 to verse 4. That's when we're really zeroing in on and I didn't read this part, but the third one is the servant master 65 to 9 verse 9. And in each one he deals with the side that's supposed to submit first. And then he moves to the leadership side second. So he challenges each side with duties. Responsibilities. and the attitude that belongs to their part in the relationship. So each one has a little bit different way that they're called to respond. The one that we're concerned with today, again, is the parent side of the child-parent relationship. So having told the children in chapter six, verse one through three, that they're to obey and honor their parents in order that they might know God's blessing that's promised in the fifth commandment, The apostle now turns to the fathers in particular and calls for godly conduct from them in their part of the relationship. Look again at Ephesians 6.4, you have it there in your outline if you have that before you. And you fathers do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. You can see here that what we call both the put off and the put on. What you stop doing, what you start doing instead. And you haven't really changed if you just stop doing something and you don't start doing what God wants. You're just not doing anything that He might say. Or as Jay Adams would say, with the one don't steal but rather give and work with your hands that you may give, that you're just a thief between jobs if you just stop stealing. You haven't really changed until you start doing what God called you to do. So it's very important to have both the put off, don't provoke, and the put on. Bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. So as we keep in mind, as we do this, we need to keep in mind the principles taught here can be applied to other relationships as well. So you say, oh, I don't have any children. Well, it doesn't matter. Don't tune out because that's the wonderful thing of God's Word. It applies in other relationships as well that we're in. It certainly applies to mothers, of course. Fathers are addressed here, but it applies to mothers. And there's much application to all relationships. One of the big advantages of when you look at parent-child relationship, like Proverbs does so much, is that it kind of really speaks in a way that we can really get hold of to all different relationships. Because what you see with children is just plain and clear. You know, there's not a bunch of messing around subtleties, I mean there's deception, but it's more blatant and clear. A parent is more likely to be inappropriately angry with a child than they are with someone else, in more of a demonstrative, visible way. and the child is more likely to be kind of raw in his disobedience or whatever. So when you see that, it wakes you up to, I was telling someone a while ago that, I remember a guy that was over for supper one time, and I was correcting one of my children for their attitude at the table, and he looked kind of troubled, and I thought, I wonder if he thinks I was being too harsh here, you know, the way I corrected my child. And then, you know, I asked him about it later, and he said that, or he brought it up, actually. He said he was troubled because he was convicted. He knew that he was whining in here, that he was like that. And seeing a child addressed about childlike whining, which is very visible, he saw how he needed. So that's where, when we talk about children, it helps us to understand other relationships too. And the principles are seen clearly. So to use another illustration, a husband and wife looking on might see, in a very graphic way, their own more subtle whining and harsh response, so that they regulate their conduct more according to God's word with God's help. Okay, so let's jump right into the text here, looking at the put off, and then we'll look at the put on. So the put off. Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath. Now I think everybody knows something about what this means because it is something that is not alien or strange. It's something that's common to us. You provoke someone to wrath when you do something that irritates them, that wrongly irritates them. You can provoke them to wrath even when you do something right. Jesus provoked people to wrath. but he wasn't wrong when he provoked people to wrath. He was doing the right thing and it provoked them to wrath. But when you're the cause of it in a wrong way that you provoke them or do things that would provoke them, perhaps, then you have done wrong. Now, you've all struggled with this kind of thing. You've had times when you're on the side that's provoked. When your own father or your mother did not represent the Lord very well, and you lost your patience. You were irritated, however you manifested it. Even if you didn't erupt, you were irritated because you were provoked. On your part, it's no excuse that, well, he did wrong. No, you're to bear patiently when your father is unreasonable with you. You're not to carry bitterness or a grudge toward him. A lot of people feel that they have a license to do that when they have been wrong. You don't. You need God's grace to help you not do that, but you don't have a license to just go and say, oh, well, somebody did wrong to me, so I can be all bitter now. Nor are you to allow his treatment of you to distort the way that you think about God. When we have someone in authority that has been, say, harsh toward us, then we are not to carry that over to God and say, well, I don't like God being a father because my father was not No, that's not the way to think of it. You think of it in the way of, the right way to think of something like that is to say, okay, my father was like this, but God is different than that. God is like this. Father, being a father is a delightful thing. It's because of corruption and unrighteousness that it's something that can be ugly. But you're wrong to take what is true, that God established fatherhood, which is a good and upright thing, and then to say it's a bad thing because of my experience. No, you experienced a father that was not acting right, but God the Father does not act like that. And so you delight in him. You can learn from the contrast. So again, you know though, you know what it's like to be provoked by a father when he doesn't behave properly. What's more, we can see the sad results, because it's so common, of Christian children who have been provoked by their fathers. A lot of sullen teenagers that have very little regard for their fathers. Those bitter with their fathers are everywhere. You know, you meet people that are bitter. And there are Christian homes, there are people in Christian homes all around us that are bitter. They're bitter and cynical and sarcastic. And how many adults there are who have very painful memories of their relationship with their fathers? They're able to be civil around them maybe, but they have deep wounds. Some of them are Christians, but they still struggle with their understanding of the Lord, and they struggle with their relationship with their fathers. Again, these are things that have to be dealt with. Some have even become atheists, responding completely wrong. There are many atheists out there that hate They're Christian fathers. And now they hate the Lord. And again, it's no excuse. It's wrong for them to respond that way. Someone has said that an atheist is someone that has two parts to their creed. And one part is, I don't believe in God. And the second part is, I hate him. Doesn't really logically make sense, does it? But that's their creed. When you talk to them, you find out they hate God. They say they don't believe in Him. I guess in a way, they mean that I'm not into God. They were provoked to anger as children, and they've never gotten over it. Being a sinner by nature, the atheist has never stopped to consider that their fathers presented the distorted picture of God. They have chosen to believe a lie that their father told them, that their father represented to them. But for the grace of God, they'll continue to believe that lie. So Christian fathers, I hope you see, and anyone in any kind of authority situation, I hope you see what a serious matter this is. You're to avoid provoking your children to wrath by your conduct. This verse clearly shows that this is something that you are quite capable of doing, of provoking them. And you know that. Okay, now let me flesh out some of the ways that you as a Christian father can provoke your children to wrath. And of course, mothers, you can do this too. It addresses fathers here, and as I say, it applies to lots of other people, anybody in authority. Pastors can provoke people to wrath in the wrong way. Elders can do that. At work, you can provoke people to wrath that are working under your authority. As a magistrate, all areas, just even an older brother or sister, provoke the younger ones to wrath by the way you do things. So yeah, looking at fathers especially though. Provoke your children to wrath. First, you can provoke your children to wrath by inconsistency. There is a short-term inconsistency, and there is a long-term inconsistency. Short-term inconsistency is your swings from day to day. You know, when you discipline your when your discipline of your children has more to do with what kind of mood that you're in than it does with your child's behavior before God. Your poor daughter accidentally knocks over a glass on Monday, knocks over her glass, and you lose it because Monday is a hard day and you're all harsh with her. But then on Thursday, she sends and speaks harshly to her mother right in front of you, needs to be corrected, but it doesn't bother you a bit. You don't say a word because Thursday was a great day for you. You had a hard day on Monday, so everything is, whether it's wrong or right. But then on Thursday, there's a different standard because how dad's feeling that day. Believe me, when you discipline like that, it's quite unlikely that your son or daughter will have respect for you. They learn that your discipline has nothing to do with God's unchanging principles, with God from whom authority derives. We don't have any authority apart from God. It only has to do with how you're feeling. God's shadow is behind all authority. And in your case, you're blocking the shadow by your inconsistency from day to day. You're not really representing. You represent God whether you like it or not, but you're misrepresenting him so they don't see God clearly. If they see God behind that authority, that this is God's authority, then it comes off very different than if they see it as just you and just your own whims. So that's short-term inconsistency. It goes this way and that way from one day to the next. Long-term inconsistency is when you're on and off with your discipleship. You hear a sermon or you read a book that fires you up, All of a sudden, you know, we're going to do family worship. You haven't been doing it. You decide to attend both services on the Lord's Day. You begin to chasten your child consistently. We're going to deal with it. We're going to deal with stuff. All is well and good. But then you get a bit distracted, and you get a little discouraged, and then things go back to the way they were again. Okay, so you have these longer phases that go back and forth. But just about the time that everyone starts to settle into the slackness, a new wave of spiritual energy comes along and dad is at it again. Don't be surprised if your children are irritated when you start telling them how important these things are and bringing them back into it again. You know, you're gonna do family worship again every night. And when you try to tell them how important it is, it's not gonna carry a lot of weight. Yeah, dad, right, real important, I know. And I tell you, it's even worse when you have your irritated child, and then you take them to talk to the pastor to straighten him out or something, and the pastor tells them how he ought to honor his father, and then you go and give up again. You slack off again. You brought him because this is so important, and now you're back slacked off again. Inconsistency is a great way to provoke your children to wrath. Look to the Lord for his grace to keep you from that irritating behavior. Second, you can provoke your children to wrath by hypocrisy. And we'll look at a couple of kinds of hypocrisy, parental hypocrisy. First, there is the hypocrisy of the father who holds his children to a standard that he never follows himself. That's the kind of hypocrisy that many people would think of right off. For example, the father that insists that his children always ask for forgiveness when they have wronged another. but never ask for forgiveness when he wrongs someone. I have spoken to a lot of people who never once heard their father ask forgiveness in their entire life. And I can assure you that's not because their father was such a saint that he never sinned. That's one sort of hypocrisy and just one example of that sort. So don't try to impose a standard on others if you're not willing to follow it yourself. That's the point. The second kind of parental hypocrisy is a hypocrisy that has a different standard when the church people are around than it does when they're not. The children know that when friends from the church come over, there's one standard, but when someone else comes over, there's another standard. Children in such a home learn very quickly that the real issue, as far as their dad is concerned at least, is not what God says, but who happens to be around and what they might think about it. Don't be surprised if your children don't have much regard if your Christianity is like that. Frankly, I can't say I have much regard for it either. My counsel to a child that is taught that kind of Christianity is to cast off that kind of Christianity and embrace the real thing. Because that's not the real thing. That's something paraded before man. It's not something from God. So, teach them to walk in the... I would tell a child in that kind of situation to walk in the fear of God. rather than the fear of man. Hypocrisy is a great way to provoke your children to wrath. So again, we need to look to the Lord for grace that he might help us not to carry on in that irritating behavior. Third, you can provoke your children to wrath by harshness. Fathers can certainly be quite cantankerous at times. Mothers can too. lashing out at their poor children with harsh words, or even striking them in an inappropriate, angry, frustrated manner. In James 1.20, we're told that the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God, and how true that is. Solomon said that the rod of anger, the rod of discipline of anger, will fail. It won't accomplish the objective. Fathers, you need to remember that your children are but dust, even as the Lord pities you and remembers that you are but dust. I do not say that you should be overly lenient and indulgent. Many fathers are not nearly as firm as they ought to be with their children. We're going to talk about that in a minute. But the firmness that is there is to be a firmness and a discipline that is exercised for the good of your children, like the discipline of the Lord described in Hebrews 12, rather than from your personal irritation. Indeed, the Lord commands you to use the rod to chasten your sons and daughters while there is hope. Proverbs 19, 18. He even tells you that if you do not use it, you hate your son. but the rod is always to be used to correct, to teach, to alert your child to seriousness of what he has done. It is not to be used as a way to unleash your frustration upon your child. That is a wrong way. That's the rod of anger. It's not a rod of correction. You are not to wait until you're so angry that you want to chasten your children. you should chasten them before you are that angry. In other words, when you're wanting to help them and correct them, that's the kind of chastisement that we're talking about. The world you know is actually correct when they say that the rod used with harshness will produce violence in a child. It often does. It often will. because it's the wrong kind of uses. Harshness will seek bitterness deep in the heart of your child and nothing but God's grace will be able to root it out. So here again, we need to look to the Lord to help us to root this out of our practice that we don't behave that way. And then kind of corresponding to that, fourthly, you can provoke your children to wrath by leniency. I already spoke about the importance just now of being firm in a right way. When I spoke about harshness just now, if you refuse to use the rod, it's because you hate your son. There are a lot of angry children in our society who've never been chastened by their parents. This is something people don't understand today. When you bring the Lord's discipline, it doesn't make the child violent and angry. The Lord's discipline makes them tender and responsive to God, and it makes them happy. Can I give you examples of that? There are examples in the scripture. David had many angry sons for this very reason. It is said, for example, of one of his sons, Adonijah, who rebelled against his father, 1 Kings 1.6. And his father, David, had not rebuked him at any time by saying, why have you done so? the behavior of Absalom that we read about, and Amnon, who raped his sister, testify to the same leniency in David. But you'll say, how could leniency provoke your child to wrath when you're being sweet to them and not, you know, you're not, you're just, you know, you're letting stuff go, you're not, you just chill, you lay back, you know. Well, my brothers and sisters, Just look at any two-year-old that has been indulged and you'll see the anger that it produces. A child has a conscience and a conscience before God so that they know when they've done evil. And if that child is never called to account for it, then that child's conscience is never relieved. His foolish parents speak tender words to him when his heart is torn up by rebellion and guilt. And they come and speak words to mollify rather than to pull out the thorn and to help him. Such a child will very likely learn to resent his parent's very kindness, what looks like kindness, because it's a kindness that ignores his real need and is not really kindness. Parental failure to address a child's spiritual need for correction is equivalent in the physical realm to a parent who doesn't change his child's soiled diaper. but says to his child with a dirty diaper, oh, oh no, you're not dirty, you're not gross, you know, you're clean and sweet. And the child's not. And they know they're not. It's just, it's not helpful. They need to be helped. They need to be cleaned up. And you leave them in that, they get more and more, they're churning more and more and more, they're never relieved. Such a child will have no respect for his parents at all. The happy, gentle, and loving child is the one who is lovingly and promptly corrected for his own good and consistently, not the child who has struck with a rod of anger. But again, the child who is corrected quickly with the rod of the Lord, a child who is firmly called upon to face his sin for what it is and to deal with it, to confess it to the Lord and to seek the Lord's forgiveness and find his mercy in their time of need and to find his grace to help them change. Fathers, if you fail to correct your child or if you fail to restrain him in his sin, you will do what you can on your part to make him angry. So again, you need to look to the Lord for grace. You won't provoke your child by leniency. Fifthly, you can provoke your child to wrath by unreasonableness. There are those parents who seem to be never satisfied with their children. Brothers and sisters, there are many who do not expect enough from their children. Their children do way more. But don't go too far in the other direction so that your children can never meet with your approval. That there is always something wrong with whatever they do. You know, poor child voluntarily clears off the table without even being asked, instead of getting a, hey, good job. Then the father complains because you missed a crumb over here. What are you doing? That's not, or his mother does that. There's no correction. Or a young daughter has her first piano recital, and mom or dad are embarrassed because the child stumbled, and the criticism starts to fly. That kind of thing. This is a good way to discourage your child. Consider how patient Jesus was with his disciples as he taught them. Yeah, he had to correct them a lot of times. He had to correct them, but he held them to a very high standard, too. He moved them to a very, very high standard. But he did not give them more than they could bear. His teaching, as we saw before, it changed as they went along. He gave them more responsibilities and brought them, they could see that they were growing. It was encouraging. You're pushing them to grow, but you're not saying, what's wrong with you? given all effort. Unreasonable, and this is a good way to provoke your child to wrath. Again, you need grace to overcome that sin. Sixthly, you can provoke your child to wrath by bitterness. Bitterness is when you hold a grudge, when you refuse to forgive your child and reconcile with them. Maybe they've hurt you somehow, and you're bitter toward them. You're cold. You don't want to hug them. You don't want to encourage them. I tell you, reconciliation should be immediate. and it should be complete. When your child has sinned, have him ask you for forgiveness and then forgive him. Let the matter be done once and for all. Bearing a grudge is a sure way to estrange your child and to develop bitterness. Seventhly, there is negligence. When you're so distracted with your own things, you do not take time to listen to your children and to teach them in a meaningful way. Maybe there's a father that's a CEO and his work is just too important. He's got these huge demands, dealing with million dollar contracts and all this kind of stuff. Or the one with all the hobbies, the dad with all the hobbies who pushes his children off to the side. Maybe he even does stuff with them. Yeah, maybe he even takes them into his hobbies, but he never really makes an effort to talk to them on anything other than a superficial level. He's always avoiding, doesn't want to get involved. Because, honestly, it's because he doesn't care. Your children know if your golf or your fishing is more important to you than they are. You can pretend that they don't realize, but they do, and they'll resent it, apart from the intervening grace of God. And to your children, it's your responsibility not to resent it. That goes for adults, too, that still resent what their parents did to them, or resent it now. Then there's favoritism, when you show preference toward one child over another, the way Jacob did with Joseph, provoking his other sons. And as his father did, showing partiality to Esau. Oddly enough, it was not the case with Joseph, but as often the case as it was with Esau, that the child who becomes bitter is the one who is the favored one. It's an odd thing, but sometimes you see the kid that was kind of like, always kind of felt like, you know, and maybe they were, maybe there was an uneven, they end up kind of, a lot of times, being better off. Now, not always. Joseph's brothers, of course, were the other way, but it can go either way. It's a lot of times the Esau that is the one that comes out all angry. Ninth, there is legalism and the imposition of a thousand rules that can provoke your children. There are those parents who seem to enjoy making a show of all the things that they don't allow their children to do. And I don't say that there's no place for house rules. There's a very important place, but they're to be done in a way that is designed to promote godliness. not just to show off how committed you are to the Lord because you're a control freak or something like that. Rules provide protection for children. Parents are wise to restrict the time that their children spend on social media or watching television or how late they stay out. We talked about that when we talked about the progressive nature of the parenting and how you give them more rules when they're younger and then greater and greater freedom as they grow and learn that you have to make that change and they learn to demonstrate responsibility and give them more room. But at any age, if rules become a substitute for godliness, we're good because we keep these rules and those people are bad because they don't keep these rules. That's not a good thing. Now God's rules, of course, absolutely that we obey God's rules, but I'm talking about house rules and things that we add time you stay out, those kind of things. The result of that kind of legalism will be either children who are just as angry and fussy about everything as their parents are, or children who just rebel and break the yoke and cast it all off and just go all wild. Tenth, there is failure to understand your children. Some of you have heard me talk about a boneheaded husband. He's supposed to understand his wife and he doesn't. And well, the boneheaded father is the father who expects his children to follow his demands, you know, just because he says so, who fails to listen to his children, to understand the difficulties that they're facing and to address them in a meaningful way, even when they ask for help, who does not help them work through the difficulties that are in front of them, but just kind of gives them raw orders and things like that. You should want to understand when things are hard for them, and you should want to talk to them about those hardships. Let's take a really little one that I talked about last week. The little kid in the high chair waiting patiently. You can see that he's being tempted to be impatient. What do you do? You understand, he's having a hard time. And he hadn't gotten any real impatient, but he's, you can see there's a temptation happening right now. Ask him, gentle voice. Pal, you having a hard time? Yeah, it's a hard time. Yeah, well, can the Lord help you? Let's ask him, let's ask him to help. And you pray with him. This can be done when they can hardly even talk yet. You pray for them when they can't talk, or you lead them in prayer when they can. And then, God answers the prayer, everything goes well, say, hey, look, God helped. You know, this is great. And see, that way, you're understanding the temptation, the struggle, and you're addressing them before bad behavior breaks out. Do the same thing with a teenager. noticing when they appear to be tempted or when they appear to be struggling with something. Have your antenna up. Go to them gently. Talk it through. Talk about God's help. Pray with them. One of the most rewarding things is when they come to you. to ask for prayer. That's what we're talking about with growing up. When they start to get mature in the Lord and when they tell you that they're not doing well because, you know, I'm not doing well because I've neglected prayer. Will you help me to pray regularly? Something like that. So encouraging when your child says something like that to you. So my brothers and sisters, there are many children who have been provoked to wrath because there are many ways to provoke a child to wrath. I wrote down just a bunch of things when I was first starting to work on this. I had like 25 of them or something. I did 10 just now. We could go on and on and on. This is a sampling. And again, of course, it applies to mothers. It applies to older siblings. You are responsible not to provoke your children to wrath. So what is to be done instead of provoking your children? Well, it tells us you're to bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. The words that are used here are variously translated in our English Bibles. Let me begin by showing you what they mean. First, let's look at the verb translated, bring them up, because it says bring them up in what? Training and admonition. Bring them up. Okay, so what does that word mean? The word is an intensification of the word that means to feed or to nourish, interestingly. bring them up to nourish them. It's the same intensified form is used in Ephesians 5.29 about the man and his wife, where it says that, it talks about his flesh and how he nourishes and cherishes his own flesh, and he should do that with his wife. It speaks of taking a keen interest, a keen interest in caring for another, taking pains for them to address them and give them what they need. and to do it in a very gracious manner of one who really does care about another person. You're actually trying to help. You know, you're not just irritated and wanting to, you're actually coming alongside and trying to help. The ideal example is that of the Lord. In Isaiah one, he says to his people, I have nourished and brought up children, and they have rebelled against me. He cares so deeply for us that he went to the cross to provide for us what we need. He nourishes us. How long he bears with us, even though we are ungrateful and even though we are unworthy. This is the kind of care that you fathers would provide for your children. You're to bring them up, to gently nourish them in the training and admonition of the Lord. Remember, you are the Lord's minister and you're called to provide His nourishment that He has given you to give to them, that He has appointed for you to give to them. Now let's look at the two words that describe what we are to nourish them with, what we are to bring them in. First, we are to nourish them with the Lord's training, it says. Or some versions say, His discipline. Or his nurture is another word that's used there. Idea is the word in the original. Idea is a word that refers to, in particular, to child training. And it refers to all aspects of the training process. Discipline in the broadest sense of training. shaping a child to be what he ought to be even as you would train an athlete or a musician. You're bringing in training to help him to grow and to mature. The word is also sometimes used to refer more narrowly to chastisement. It's used four times that way in Hebrews chapter 12. We haven't got to Hebrews 12 yet, but I think you probably are familiar with the passage, many of you, where it talks about the chastening of the Lord. Well, it uses this word pedia. It says it's not pleasant at the time, in that case, when it's chastisement. but it produces righteousness. Again, the focus, though, what is the focus? It's corrective discipline, to change the behavior from what it is to what it ought to be. You see, instead of provoking to wrath, you're looking to bring about this change to training them to live for God. When you think of it as bringing a child from where he is to where he ought to be, you can see the complete picture, everything that is in view. Think about a particular skill. You're training someone, say, to be a carpenter. You have to teach him about the tools. You have to show him how to use them. You have to get him using them and get him to develop a proficiency in using those tools. And as he makes mistakes, you have to correct him. No, no, no, not that way, like this. and even to rebuke him at times. Look, you've got to pay attention to what you're doing. You can't just carelessly go in there. You just wrecked this whole thing because you were being careless. There's different kinds of responses that are appropriate in the training process. You're teaching him how to walk, in that case, as a carpenter. So if a child is learning godliness, you have to show him how to walk with the Lord. And then get him walking so that he becomes more and more proficient by teaching him to do the only way we can walk with God, to look to God for grace. And there are times when he will rebel and you'll have to correct him, direct him back to the right path. If you don't, he's got that guilty conscience we talked about before, you're provoking him to wrath. So don't do that. Go ahead and do what you ought to do instead of what you ought not to do. Both training and chastisement are part of the process of bringing him from where he is to where he ought to be. That's paideia. Secondly, there is admonition. This is the word new new the SIA. And this speaks of using words according to the need of the moment. It includes all sorts of counsel. sometimes warnings, it often is translated by the word admonish, sometimes encouragement, sometimes reproof, sometimes blame, sometimes simply guidance. Now, of course, there's a lot of overlap in these two words. The difference between this and the word training that we just looked at, is that Nuthacea has to do more with what you say. And paideia has to do more with hands-on training in what you do. So, instruction with words is emphasized with this word that we're looking at now because the Lord's revelation comes to us in words. And it's very important to have verbal instruction about how we're to live. He has, in fact, gave us language as the way by which we would primarily know God and His will. He reveals Himself and His will to us, largely through word. So it's a wonderful vehicle, and we're to make use of it. Paideia and Euthysia are to go together in the Christian nurture of a child. And now I want you to notice something. Both words carry the suggestion that there is something wrong that needs to be corrected. And that grows out of the idea that we know that all children are born in sin. And this being so, we're all in need of correction. We all need to be transformed from our sinful ways to God's ways. And that is what fathers are supposed to be at work doing. And there is only one way that you can bring sinful children where they are to where they need to be. We must nourish them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. That's what matters. Of the Lord, our Redeemer, the Savior. You see what I'm talking about? Fathers, you cannot save your children. You cannot wash away the guilt of their sins. You cannot change their hearts. You cannot free up their conscience with forgiveness. but you can nourish them constantly in the training and admonition of the Lord. You see what this is. You teach them from their very earliest days to constantly walk in the redemptive grace of the Lord. What does that mean? You teach them to live joyfully and constantly and expectantly in the Lord under His gracious training and admonition. That means that you keep before them not only your own standard, or not your own standard, but His standard as it is revealed in scripture. That they are to be holy as He is holy. Very high standard. That they are to love Him with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. An unreachable standard in this life. That they are to love each other even as Christ has loved us. That they are to do things without grumbling and complaining. High standard. You are to teach them the high standard of their father God's house, which house you are in. You're to show them how beautiful it is to live his way. You're to show them the glory of their heavenly father and the Lord Jesus and call them to imitate him. Like I talked about, prayed about when we were praying. You're to tell them what a privilege it is to live in his house. It is not your standard, but his standard that you're to train and admonish them to keep. Christian Father, it is absolutely essential that you train them and admonish them in the only way that they can live by this standard. So you present the standard, what it is, you are to teach them the way of the Lord for us fallen, miserable sinners, which is the way of grace. That's what you bring to your children grace. It is the way of redemption in Christ Jesus. You're to train them to live in the freedom of his forgiveness to constantly rest in their crucified Lord who cleanses them from their guilt. When you don't do that, you're doing a great disservice. You're setting maybe a high standard, and you're not teaching them that we live in the constant acceptance, forgiveness as we come to God in our shortcomings. When they commit particular sins, you're to teach them to go at once to the Lord with those sins, to confess them to him and ask him to pardon them. That can become a rule. Like, you're going to go and confess your sin. And it's not like a refreshment where you're going because there's this God that's going to help you. But you're going, because you better go do that. That kind of an attitude. You're to teach them to never live with unconfessed sin. To show them the Lord's readiness to always forgive. and if we will repent and we will come to Him that He's ready to forgive. You're to show them that they can live in that, in the joy of God and that forgiveness so that, and say, this is a wonderful thing, you have been living in this, if you see that they're not. Bring them back to it and help them to keep walking in it when you see them slip out. You're to show them the crucified Savior who went to the cross to bear our sins and teach them of His mercy and forgiveness, to rejoice in it. And you're to teach them to live in the hope of redemptive grace. You're to teach them to cry out to the Lord to give them grace to live the life that He's called them to live. And to show them that He has promised to do what? To write His law on our hearts. So that we will delight in His law if we don't. And to teach them to look to Him to give them the Holy Spirit. so that they will be able to do this. As I already mentioned, a wise father will see his child starting to slip. He'll see the attitude starting to crumble, starting to fall, and he'll come to his child and say, you're having a hard time, okay? And he'll pray with his child and ask for God's help in a time of need. And then he'll rejoice when God answers the prayer. This is so important because in this way, you train them to turn to the Lord when they're tempted. That's what you want. That's what you're training them to do. Go to Christ. Go to Christ. That's what you're training them to do. So that if they first feel tempted, there's hope for me. I've sinned. There's hope for me. There's forgiveness. There's restoration. I can come back and I can get back in step with the Lord. You don't want to leave them going along without that reconciliation, without that relationship with their Savior. You don't want to leave them in that state. Little children, you keep bringing them back to this so that they rejoice in the Lord. So yeah, so important in this way because you train them to always go to him. Christian fathers, then don't dare to hold your child to a high standard without teaching them how to deal with that high standard. Because you'll crush them. The problem is the standard is too high. The standard is high because it is God's standard. The problem is a high standard without directing them to the gracious provision that we need as sinners in order to deal and live under that standard. You are ministers not of the law, but ministers of grace. You're to teach them to walk in forgiveness and transforming power of Jesus Christ. It is his training and his admonition that they need. Redemptive training and redemptive admonition. You have no other goal for them as God's appointed minister than to train them and admonish them to live in Jesus Christ. But someone will say, how can I bring my children up in the training and admonition of the Lord when I don't know if they are in the Lord? I mean, what if my child is not regenerate? Shouldn't I wait until they're regenerate and then bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord? No. No. Christian father, the Lord tells you clearly in his word that you're to bring them up in his training and admonition. What is the alternative? Bring them up in the training and admonition of who? Yourself? Somebody that wrote a child book somewhere about something? until they reach some kind of age of accountability or something? No. Or to bring them up in your own training and admonition until you think that they have come to know the Lord, and then you switch over? Is that how you, you switch over to the Lord's training and admonition? Are you to deal with them as those who are strangers to God's promises and grace until you're sure that they have actually come to Christ with some way that you measure that? No, Christian father. God graciously calls our children his people. We looked at this earlier. He tells you that his promise is to you and to your children. He tells you to bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord Jesus. As those who have forgiveness and who have his spirit working in them to transform them as those who are heirs of eternal life. Now does that mean that we know that our children are regenerate? It doesn't. But we're to bring them up that way, as little children, because God tells us to regard them that way. You don't have to know just how God works in your little child to give him the new birth. He has only told you that he will be God to you and your children, and that he counts you and your children as his people. So if they are regenerate, what do you want to do? you want to bring them to Christ, to walk with Christ. What if they're not regenerating? What do you want to do? You want to bring them to Christ, to walk with Christ, to keep pointing them in that direction. You see, God in his unsearchable sovereign grace works in his elect children and their parents together. The only indication that you have of God's grace to an infant is the state of his parents. If parents are in the Lord, there's evidence of God's grace in that child. to that child. If his parents are in rebellion against the Lord, then there's evidence of there's no evidence of God's grace to that child. We're to regard the children as in a state of grace when they have a parent who is in a state of grace until that child makes it clear that it's otherwise. And where to regard children is outside of grace when they have parents who are outside of grace until such time as God is pleased if he is pleased to grant that child repentance and bring them to salvation. That is why the Lord calls Christian parents train up their children in the training and admonition of the Lord. You're to look to the Lord. to work in you as a parent at the same time that the Lord works in the child. He's got to work in both of you because your relationship is so significant in a little child's life. You are to look to Him to work in you as a minister to your child at the same time He works in your child to receive the ministry of grace. This is not something you do in your own strength. It is not something your child does in your child's own strength. It is something you do by faith, looking to God to work in you and to work in your child at the same time. All along as a faithful minister, you pray for fruit, just as a godly farmer prays for fruit in his field. He can't make the fruit grow. He can do all the things that he's supposed to do, but he can't make it grow. As soon as your child is old enough to pray, you teach him to pray for forgiveness and fruit. You train him and admonish him in the way of the Lord. And if God gives you grace as a parent, and he gives your child grace, then your child will continue in the training and admonition of the Lord that you started him out in. When he is old, he will not depart from it. I said that wrong. The training and admonition that God started him out in. He gave you grace, he gave the child grace, and they'll continue in that. So Christian father, what a wonderful, heavy responsibility the Lord has given you. You're Christ's minister of grace to your children. If you have not begun, begin today. If you're a believer, the Lord says that your children are holy. Do not treat them as unclean. Bring them to him for his blessing. When they are babies, carry them along the pathway of looking to Jesus. When they're toddlers, take them by the hand. Now you're not carrying them, you take them by the hand, lead them in the same way. When they're pre-adolescent, lead them in the way in which they're to walk. Point them and guide them. Stay abreast. And when they're teens, instruct them with counsel in their walk. Coaching them, leading them. When they're adults, encourage them in their walk and be there to help them as you are there for all of your brothers and sisters in the Lord. He will not reject them, he will bless them, and he will bless you in order that you might bless them. Though you, he will bless them through you as his minister to them. Christian father, this is the Lord's calling for you and mothers along with the fathers. And all of you who have any authority, many principals here, Let's stand and ask God to help us. We need his grace. Lord, we thank you for your holy word, and we thank you for how it does instruct us to bring up our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. And we pray, Lord, that we would hear that and we would do that, that we would do the that we would realize that it's in Christ that we do this. It's not in our own strength. It's not in our own standard, to our own standard. It's a very, very high standard. But it's one that is met by a Savior that you've given us, by the Savior that you've given us. So we pray, Lord, that you would help us, Lord, not to provoke our children to anger. but to rather bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, the discipline and the training of the Lord. Help us, Lord, to feed them, to give them what they need from you, O Lord. Just like with their food that they eat, their physical food, We have to get the food and give it to them. If we don't, who's going to do it? We're going to just leave them there to just get food out of the air somehow or something? We pray, Lord, that you would help us to realize that these things are very important. and that you would give Father's grace for this. Father, give us all grace and help us, Lord. Maybe there are those here who have been provoked by fathers or mothers. We pray that you would help those ones, Lord, that they would be able to deal with that and to turn to you as a father who has never done wrong, and to trust in you as a father who is holy and righteous, and to realize that even those troubles that came to them, yes, they were from your sovereign hand, but they were brought because of your purposes, and we're under your purposes. We're not here for our own purposes. We're not here selfishly. We've been put here to honor our God, to serve you, to represent you. So we pray, Lord, that you would give us the grace that we need to do that. Thank you for all that you have done for us, Lord, our Lord Jesus Christ, and there is a Savior to help us. We look to Him, we look to Him for forgiveness for wrong, and we look to Him for help to be able to live right. We pray these things in Jesus' name, amen. Okay, let's sing as our song of response, number 34B. 34B blessing. The Lord bless you out of Zion, and may you see the good of Jerusalem all the days of your life. Yes, may you see your children's children. Peace be upon Israel. Amen.