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All right. Well, good morning, ladies. Can
you all hear me okay? Can't hear me? All right. Do I need to come closer? There
we go. If you will, please turn to 1
Peter chapter 3 with me. That's going to be our text that
we will be in. So 1 Peter chapter 3, we'll be
in those first few verses. And while you're turning, while
I hear those pages turning, I will just share with you a brief testimony
so that you can have some context of, like Travis said, who is
this newly 30-year-old tattooed lady who's only been married
less than eight years, and what does she know about marriage?
I know some of you, I've talked to you, and you've got grandkids
that are near my age or older. Some of you have children my
age or older. Some of you have been married
much longer than I've been alive. Who am I? My name is Madison
Carey. Y'all can call me Maddie. I am married to that handsome
guy who just taught from Matthew this morning, Travis. And we
have been married a little over seven years. I am originally
from Chattanooga, Tennessee. I grew up in the Bible Belt.
And so every Sunday, my sisters and I went to church with matching
dresses and big bows in our hair. And we just had this picture-perfect
life. Church is just what everybody
did on Sunday mornings, and that was just the lifestyle of living
down south. it became clear that what we
were learning in church was not the center of our home. When
my parents divorced, when I was 11 years old, the process began.
And that was because there was infidelity within the marriage.
One of my parents had cheated on their spouse, my other parent,
with a leader within the church. In addition to that, there's
a set of grandparents of mine that were split apart because
the husband was a youth pastor within the church and was abusing
children. And so that right there, that
foundation and that example of church caused me to Turn away
from the church. I didn't want anything to do
with church. Not only was I really scared of people in church, you
know, I thought they were better people than me. I could never
live up to the standard that was set by the Ten Commandments
in church. I also was just sickened by what
I perceived as hypocrisy and legalism and thought I could
never believe what these people say because of the example that
had been set in our home. So we read in the book of Ephesians,
Ephesians chapter five, that there's this great mystery of
Christ in the church, like we were just hearing about, that
we preach the gospel through our marriages. And it is a great
mystery, but I can just tell you that what was laid as a foundation
by my grandparents, by my parents, was so confusing. And it made
me flee the church scene, because that union of Christ in the church,
the example was broken up. And that's what it did in my
life. And so this led me into a downward spiral into the world,
into drug addiction. By the time I was 17 years old,
I was living with my boyfriend, a senior in high school, and
this was my next front row seat of a marriage. He had two parents
that had been a tumultuous marriage, but had just stayed together
kind of as roommates. not Christians at all. Obviously
they're letting a 17-year-old girl live in their house with
their son. And his parents kind of became my parents in this
season of drug addiction. They let me use drugs with them.
They were like the cool party house. And one night his mom
came to me and said, you need to get, I love my son, but you
need to get out of here because you're going to end up in chains
like me. You need to leave him. And that struck me, but not as
much as when one week later we found her face up in her own
vomit, dead from a drug overdose one morning. And so there went
my other picture of marriage, torn apart by drug overdose. So, all this to say the foundation
being laid in my mind by the time I was 19 years old, so that
was six years total of drug use, I was so turned off by church,
not only by church, by marriage. I didn't ever want to get married.
I was a feminist. I was a liberal. I didn't, I
thought women should have control over their own lives, and why
would you ever bring a man into your life and let him tell you
what to do? So by the time I was 19, though, my will and my ways
following my heart had led me into a circumstance where I was
living with a house full of drug dealers, wanted felons. The man
that I was living with at 17 had just turned out to be a horribly
abusive relationship so I upgraded to a bunch of wanted felons and
drug dealers living in their house. And one night I had taken
way too much heroin and cocaine and They didn't know what to
do with this girl that had stopped breathing and had a white face
and blue lips. And so what they did was they
took me, they loaded me up into a car and they dumped me out
on the side of the road and left me there to die. And I did die.
By the time a random bypasser had driven by and picked me up
and taken me to a hospital, I was pronounced dead on arrival. with
no hope of resuscitation. But by the grace of God, they
pumped my stomach, pumped me with Narcan, and I am standing
here today before you. And I wish, yeah, praise the
Lord, but I wish that I could say that from there I gave my
heart to Jesus, and it's all been smooth sailing. But really
what that was, that rock bottom moment, was me then beginning
a path of worldly recovery and worldly counseling and worldly
therapy and worldly rehabilitation, as if there was something there
that needed to be rehabilitated or revived. No, I needed to die,
as we just learned about. So what I was learning in these
counseling sessions, in these AA meetings, NA meetings, IOPs,
30-day programs, five-day detoxes, counseling sessions, psychologist,
psychiatric appointments where I was being prescribed all these
medications and slapped with Band-Aid labels of you have depression
and anxiety and you know, multiple personality disorder, you're
an insomniac, you're ADHD, all of these things are the reason
that you're using drugs. I was also told in the midst
of all of that, these are all your labels, these are all your
problems, and that's why you're using drugs. And the other reason
you're using drugs is because you don't love yourself enough.
If you just loved yourself more and put your self-care as number
one priority, you wouldn't live this way anymore. You'd change
your life, and you'd do what was best for you. And that was
the self-love counseling that I received. And by the time I
was kicked out of my third halfway house because I continued to
relapse and continued to turn back to the drugs that were destroying
my life, my mom reached out with one last helping hand and said,
there's a program in Maine that's a discipleship program. And I'm
like, what is discipleship? I hadn't heard that word at all
through Worldly Recovery. But this discipleship program
was a year long, and what they were going to do was different
than what the world does for recovery. They were going to
pour in the word of God and allow his word to change everything.
And so that began my discipleship journey in that little house
on River Road in Orrington, Maine, this discipleship program that
my husband spoke of. Basically, I was confronted with
the word of God and my will intersected with his will. And there began
the journey of discipleship in my life. So my husband made mention
of the three conditions of discipleship. And what he was really saying
is that we have to come to a place where we agree with the Word
of God. We take this book, this book
that we know was written by our Creator, and we say, Is this
going to be the final authority in my life, or am I going to
rewrite it in my own truth, in my own story, and that's what
I'm going to believe? Or can I look at this as a manual?
So in those early days of me getting clean and sober, this
was my book to learn to be clean and sober. This was the book
written for drug addicts. I could not believe how much
everything in this book applied to drug addicts like me and finding
freedom. And so in that time, I was taught
these three conditions of discipleship. Deny yourself. Take up your cross
and follow me. Denial, death, and discipleship. And these three things will just
kind of serve as a launching pad into our session here for
us wives. So let's ask the Lord for wisdom. I certainly need it and I know
we all do to apply his word to our life. bow your heads with
me. Lord, we thank you so much for
your work in our lives. We thank you that you even desire
to change wretches like us, Lord. Each of us varying degrees of
sin as we see it, Lord, but it's all sin to you, and we thank
you that we can be here this morning and know that your word
has so much to offer us. Lord, you want to give us freedom.
You want to set people free this morning, so I pray that you'd
breathe your word into our hearts this morning. As wives, as your
daughters, Lord, as daughter-in-laws, Lord, we know that not only are
you our father, but you're our husband's father. And we look
to you this morning to find the best way to serve in these roles
and responsibilities that you've given us as wives. We love you
so much, Lord. Thank you for your word. In Jesus'
name. So I do not seek to reteach this
portion of scripture, but I just want to bring practical context
for us as women on what this means to be a disciple and a
wife. What does discipleship have to
do with being a wife? And I also want to talk about
the radical contrast with what the world says that we should
be as wives and what it says about discipleship. Let's talk
about what the word says of denying yourself. This means to give
up your rights, to lay down your will, and what does the world
say about doing that, right? You can think of many slogans
that, like Travis said, are the titles of books today. Put yourself
first, love yourself, build your self-esteem, you can't pour from
an empty cup, so you must put yourself before everyone else,
right? We've all heard these things. And this radical message
of denying ourself is the opposite of what the feminist movement
is pulling at us ladies to do, right? Some of you can remember
when the whisperings of the feminist movement first started and you're
thinking, what is happening with this world? can look at these
people that are now world leaders, well, we look at our potential
president of the United States, Kamala Harris, she said, you
never have to ask for permission to lead. Whenever you want to
lead, whoever you want to lead, you lead. So Kamala Harris, that's
the example that she wants to set for women everywhere. There's
a comedian named Amy Schumer. She says, I am a woman with thoughts
and questions and things to say. I edited that to make it church
worthy. I say if I'm beautiful, I say if I'm strong, I determine
my story. And some of you know the, philosopher,
Beyonce, she says in her famous song, Who Runs the World, girls. And this is a big song that's
catchy and it's played through clubs and cars worldwide of women
just pounding this message. We run the world. It's all about
what we want. Take charge of your life. And
in marriage, how does this apply to us? What does the world say
about marriage? We're to put our needs first,
we make our own happiness a priority, and what do we see as the result
of that? Divorce rates are at an all-time high. At an all-time
high, aren't they? Also, number two in these three
conditions of discipleship, the word requires us to die, to take
up our cross. As Travis made mention that John
H. Newman quote, to take up the
cross is no great action done once and for all, but it consists
of the continual practice of small duties which are distasteful
to us. And John H. Newman wrote that
centuries ago. as an English theologian. So
these small duties, and I'm sure that when Travis made mention
of that, and as I'm making mention of it now, we can all think of
some sort of housework, some sort of chore, some duty within
the home, some child of yours that is a small duty that can
be distasteful to us in dealing with that day by day. or some
aspect of your marriage that rubs against your will, that
you just, it makes you just cringe. Why can't this change? Why is
God allowing this in my life? I ask you, what form does the
old rugged cross get presented to you day by day that you have
to die daily? Is it your marriage? Is it your
husband who you feel is not bearing his end of the burden of the
cross that you two are supposed to be carrying together as a
family? We'll talk more on that. But what does the world say regarding
this death to self? We're supposed to be living in
the moment. You only live once. That was a big quote, YOLO, a
few years ago, right? You only live once, so live it
up, live your best life now. And that, Your Best Life Now,
is a Christian book title that women are supposed to be reading
and finding how to find your happiness right now. This is
what you're supposed to be living, your dream. Life is too short.
And in marriage, that's the message to wives that these secular counselors
are telling. You should be If he doesn't make
you happy, you should leave him. Life is way too short to sacrifice
your happiness for some man. And women are biting the bait
every day. Thirdly, the word invites us
to follow him in a position of discipleship under our Lord Jesus.
I made mention at the beginning of my discipleship journey, I
had to agree with God, my creator, and his word had to become the
standard of my life, the manual, right? And in following him,
that means obedience. That's what discipleship means,
the definition of discipleship. It's daily discipline. It's obedience
to God, even when it rubs against our will. And this same book,
again, that was my manual for how to get clean from drugs and
alcohol, It became my manual for my early days of ministry.
It became my manual when I did get married and all of these
feminist ideology and worldly secular advice had to rub off
of me to become the godly wife that scripture commands me to
be. This was my manual. If I ever had a problem, I can
just come to his book. And it hurts at first, right?
The more that we walk with Jesus, the less it hurts. We say, yes,
Lord, my spirit agrees with that. But in those early days, you
all can remember those first days of being saved. I was offended
by this book, very offended, but I'm grateful for that offense.
I'm grateful for that rubbing against my will because it changed
me for the better. Amen. Has it done that in your
life too? And truthfully, this same book, When we first got
married, my husband took a job in Hawaii to become the assistant
pastor of the Ranch Church. It's at Calvary Chapel out on
the island of Oahu. And within the first few weeks,
I don't know what they were thinking, trusting us. So we'd been married
a week and clean and sober about two years at that point, three
years for me. They gave us couples to sit down
with and counsel in marriage counseling. And we had not been
married a month, you know? We are like, what? Again, same
thing that I'm going through here. I'm like, wow. I told Travis
last night, honey, it seems like all those marriages are pretty
intact. Maybe they don't need me to talk tomorrow. Because
they all seem like they get along. They all seem like great women.
God's Word was my manual for marriage ministry, too. Not only
my manual for drug addiction, getting clean and sober, getting
free forever, not only my manual for ministry and marriage, now
marriage ministry. I can turn to this book and say,
listen, no, I haven't been married. No, I haven't dealt with the
nuances of children and blended families and all these different
things that you've been through through years of marriage. But
I just can tell you what the book says. I can tell you what the
book says and we can go to it together and apply it. And sometimes
people would ask me questions, I go, I don't know. Let's look
at the book together. Let's open it. Let's find out what God's
word says. And the world, again, the world, it is so against everything
this book teaches us. Have you noticed that? Everything
that's being preached at women today, We're told that this book
is outdated, it's behind the times, it's narrow-minded. We're
given the idea that God is this big fun-ruiner, wagging his finger
in the sky, and we should just live how we want to live, because
that's the best way to live. Whatever makes us happy, right?
Whatever makes us happy. And honestly, at first glance,
all this death talk, dying to self and following and denying
yourself, it does hurt at first. It's the hard stuff. But that's
why he says, if. He says, if you want to be my
disciples. And ladies, I think today he
says, if you want a biblical marriage. We have the choice.
We can choose to do things the way that we've always done them,
or the way that our parents did them, or the way that makes us
happy. But God is saying, if you want,
My standard, if you want to live as my disciple, if you want a
biblical marriage, this is what you need to do. We see the rich,
young ruler throughout scripture in the gospels. He comes to the
Lord Jesus and says, what must I do? Tell me what to do. I've
done everything. I've followed the commandments.
Even as a child, I was following your commandments. I've done
everything right. And Jesus says, puts his finger on something
and says, no, here's what you need to do. Go and sell everything
you have to the poor And because Jesus knew there was this one
thing, there was this one small duty that was distasteful to
the rich young ruler, he put his finger on it and said, are
you willing? And the rich young ruler went away sad. Not because
it was impossible, because he was unwilling. And today, that's
what God says to us. He gives us the hard and heart
stuff first. He says, will you let me address
this issue in your life before we start this journey of discipleship
right up front? I'm going to tell you the hard
stuff. Deny yourself. Take up your cross and follow
me. We see in John chapter 2 in the wedding at Cana, the guests
at the wedding are just blown away that the wine, the good
wine was saved till the end. That when the first bit, or I'm
sorry, The good wine, yes, that's what I'm trying to say, that
we see the contrast between the world and who Christ is. Christ gives us the good, he
gives us everything, and it's The enemy, what he wants to do
is trap us at the beginning. This is where I'm going. He gives
us the previews to the movie, and it looks like a great movie,
right? The lust, we see women falling into sin, we see they
find this exciting, lustful, adventurous, maybe it's an adulterous
affair, maybe it's looking at something online, and their promised
reward at the beginning. And what does Satan do every
time? Every time, just like it was for me with drugs and alcohol,
which started out really fun, At the end, it leads to a snare.
At the end, it's a trap. It wraps its tentacles around
you and you can't get out. But what does Christ offer us?
What does Christ offer us? Christ offers us, yes, it's gonna
be hard at first, a lot of things have to change about you, but
there's at your right hand are pleasures evermore, joy everlasting,
Psalm 16 talks about. We have not only heaven to look
forward to, but a blessed life here walking hand in hand with
our King. And so he's asking today, do you want it my way?
So let's look at his way. What does that mean? What is
his way? Let's read 1 Peter 3, and we're
just going to go to verse 6. So 1 Peter 3, verses 1 through
6. Likewise, wives, be subject to
your own husbands. I'm reading from the ESV. So
that even if some do not obey the word, that they may be won
without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see
your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external,
the braiding of the hair and the putting on of gold jewelry
or the clothing you wear. Verse four, but let your adorning
be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty
of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very
precious. So we know that in this portion
of Scripture, our author is Peter. like Travis talked about. He
was a disciple. He put his foot in his mouth often. He was a
sidekick of Jesus. In fact, he was always mentioned
the first of the three that followed Jesus everywhere, that got access
to Christ and these miracles that no one else saw, like the
Mount of Transfiguration, the little girl that was raised from
the dead in Mark chapter 5. Peter, James, and John got a
front row seat to things that no one else saw in Jesus' life,
even the most intimate moments in the Garden of Gethsemane before
the cross when Jesus is praying, let this cup pass from me, not
my will but yours be done. We'll talk more about that verse
in a minute. also got to walk on water and
ultimately we know on the night of the crucifixion betrayed Jesus. He betrayed his friendship with
our Lord and King. And so we know also from scripture
that he was restored and ended up leading thousands of to Christ,
you know, on the day of Pentecost. Look at the book of Acts and
all the ways that the Lord used a restored version of this Peter
that's so close to our heart and so relatable through scripture.
We also know from scripture that he was married because he had
a mother-in-law that was healed from her sickness. And through
church history, we're even told that this special gal that Peter
was married to ended up in prison with Peter and crucified alongside
of him upside down. So she was crucified next to
her husband, okay? So she quite literally took up
her cross as a wife and the calling that the Lord Jesus had on her
husband's life. So she also had a front row seat
to this transformation that happened in her husband's life, right?
She followed faithfully behind her husband even to death. And
you're maybe sitting here thinking, OK, but she was married to Peter.
We see who this man is through scripture, this godly man. I'm
not married to Peter. I'm not married to a man like
Pastor Joe. I'm not married to a man like
Pastor Travis. I am not married to a godly man. He's blowing
his duty. So what if he's blowing it? We're
given direction for that, okay? Let's read again verses one and
two. Likewise, wives, be subject to
your own husbands so that even if some do not obey the word,
they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives
when they see your respectful and pure conduct. So to some
of you, you thought I was going to give you good news, okay?
If he's not blowing it, you don't have to obey this book. This
doesn't have to be your manual anymore. No, we're actually given
a promise. Even though we're not given a
clause or a way out or an escape route, we're given a promise
through this portion of scripture. We're not given the permission
to abandon our duties. But he has an abundance of grace
and of promises and of blessing if we follow his example. Because
remember, the Lord Jesus submitted to the Father in the garden,
like we just read about. Not my will, but yours be done.
And that is the definition of submission. It is a loving mandate
from our King, our kind King, who has walked this road before
us. And he is above every husband. He is their authority, right? So we're reading here, be subject
to, submission, respect, honor. And I'm here to tell you, it
does not come naturally to any of us. Raise your hand if you
are someone that this just comes very naturally to. No, I don't
see any hands raised, in case you're on the front row. It doesn't
come naturally to any of us. And remember, what the world
is preaching to us is giving us that escape route. It's giving
us our clause and our permission to not obey. It's saying this
is so 1800s, this is so oppressive, you need to have a voice, you're
losing yourself in this process. But remember, what is two becoming
one all about? It is about losing ourself. We're
called to lay ourself down at this altar. And remember, what
this submission looks like, what this death to self, denial of
self looks like. It is small duties which are
distasteful to us. And I, ladies, I have found that
with the husband being head of the home as Christ is the head
of the church, and submitting to my husband's authority, the
small duties are the hardest. I followed my husband across
the country to go back, leaving a really good job in Hawaii.
We moved back to Maine to serve. My husband was going to be Pastor
Ken Grape's assistant at the time. He still serves as Pastor
Ken's assistant and handles all of his travel and things like
that, but when we were first moving, there were parts of me
that was scared, but it was like, amen, yes, Lord, I trust you,
you're leading my husband. Then in 2020, yeah, I was a little
scared as my husband said, let's go plant a church in the number
two most godless unchurched city in America. I'm like, okay, yes,
I trust you, Lord, I trust you, you're gonna show up, you're
leading and guiding my husband, but let me tell you, when I have
my day planned out, Like day to day, and my husband calls
me and said, actually, I want you to do this instead today.
I'm like, ah, what do you mean? I had so much planned today.
That's the small stuff that's the hardest. It's the little
things. It's the, I've got dinner thawing
and ready to make. And he says, no, I want to do
this instead. And it's like, that's the rubbing
of the will that you're like, wow, why is it so much easier
to pack up and move your whole family to a different town? Why
is the small duties the hardest to submit to? It's because they
seem the most meaningless. It seems like they have no ripple
effect, no effect on anything. Why is this even an issue? Why
does he even care about this, right? The big things are easy
because we see the magnitude of us following Jesus and the
results of our obedience is gonna yield such amazing fruit. So
it's the smaller duties that are very hard. Smaller duties
like parenting decisions, like financial decisions, like I mentioned,
daily to-do lists. What about areas where we're
the expert? That's really hard, isn't it? We're a really good
cook and he has an opinion on something. We're an artist. I
do all of our graphic design at the church and all of our
media and things like that. And so if he steps in and says,
I don't like the colors on that, I'm like, You mean it's perfect. This goes so well together. It's
so aesthetically pleasing. That's the small duties that
are distasteful to me that I have to say, yes, Lord. Okay, this
is the man you've given me. This is the graphic design pastor
of our church, even though he may not feel like the expert
in this arena. This is who God has given me
as my overseer. Yes, Lord, I submit to this,
right? You might think areas of health.
Maybe it's a shot or vaccine you don't want to give your kids,
but he says, we're going to go with this. This is the decision
we're making for our family. I don't know, a financial decision,
things like that. It's hard when we feel like we're
the expert in that arena. But God says, even still, that
doesn't make, because you're smarter or better or prettier
or funnier, it doesn't make you have a clause where you don't
have to obey and submit. So in submission, it's very important
to add this, that every husband is so different. So the command
is the same, but the practical is very case by case. So I always
encourage women that I'm talking to, have you ever stopped to
ask your husband what's important to him in submission? Have you
ever asked him how you can better honor and love and respect and
be subject under him? He might be like, whoa, let me
think about that, and I'll get back to you. And have him pray
and think, what needs to happen? What would you like my day to
look like? I had a friend that was such a good baker, and every
day she would make these big meals and then these big desserts
where they'd be decorated for her and all of our kids. And
every night she'd be on Pinterest finding these new recipes. And
they were having some issues, and she came to me and asked
this. And I told her, go back and ask him, what are his desires
for you? Why is there conflict when he
comes home from work? And when she asked him that,
immediately he just said, I just prefer that our floors are clean
when I come home. Because when I get on the floor
and I play with our kids, I don't want crumbs on my back. So if
that could be done, I don't care anything about desserts. I don't
want dessert. And that was a big moment for
her where she said, wow, I thought that was such an important thing
and was making me such a good wife, but it wasn't blessing
him at all. So it's going to look different for every husband.
But if we just ask, if we just go to him, we can find out what's
important to him. But again, feminism is so sneaky,
isn't it? We can allow our rights, our
preferences, our zone of expertise to taint our perspective and
create imbalance in our home. And I can also throw in, ladies,
especially those of us with small kids that are at home, but even
more so those of us with adult kids that have caught on to our
idiosyncrasies and know us better than anyone, that our kids aren't
stupid, right? They can see when there's a power
struggle between mom and dad. And this, I can just get personal
and honest with you guys, this comes up with us, we have five-year-old
twins, and like Pastor Peter was just up here making mention
of, when I've been dealing with them for eight hours, and I know
they do not need one ounce of sugar, and we've all done research
now on red dyes and screen time and all this stuff, when Travis
comes home and just wants to bless his kids and give them
a lollipop, and come snuggle up and watch a movie with daddy,
and I'm like, they don't deserve this, they've been doing this,
that's really bad for them, that's gonna get all in their teeth,
we need to brush their teeth right after. These little, small, subtle
remarks, or not so subtle remarks, our kids notice it, our kids
see it, and they notice this imbalance. And we've had to have
conversations about that, where he says, honey, this makes me
feel like I'm not being a good leader. And it's it makes me
feel like you're questioning my decisions when you do this.
So practically applying that I have to go OK. You know I'm
really trying to finish up I promise. Oh my goodness. It went a little
over the last session so I'm going to try to wrap this up
soon. But again, with these disapproving,
subtle remarks, or not so subtle, there are several responses that
men give. And there can be either conflict that comes out of it,
or concession. So I'll put that in a different
way. There can be friction, where there's a fight that blows up.
You're not letting me lead. I told you I want to give them
candy when I come home, blah, blah, blah. Or there's a forfeit,
so friction and fight or a forfeit, where he says, you know what?
You can lead. I'll back off. I'm not going
to do anything to try to lead this family because you make
a better leader than me anyways. And both of them, both of those
things are disrespectful, whether we're causing a fight, whether
we're causing him to forfeit his rights as a leader. It's
disrespectful to our husbands, and it creates an imbalance.
It's not God's design. And I can tell you, I didn't
write the book. I did not write the book telling us all to be
respectful and submission. Our Creator did, and this is
the design that He has. God created men with a need to
be respected. So again, Do we want the conflict
or friction in our home? Do we want them to concede and
forfeit with their tail between their legs, saying, all right,
you do it, you be the leader of the home? We don't want that.
Both are out of order and against God's design. And when our will
crosses his will, someone has to die. So why not me? It's not
a weakness to die, as the world says. Again, it wasn't weak when
Christ said, not my will, but yours be done. It's not a weakness,
it's an incredible strength that we can cement to our Father in
heaven. And God's Word promises in those moments, whether he's
in sin or just slightly detoured, that we can win him with our
conduct, with our respectful conduct. We can avoid conflict
and we can continue to respect him as the hero that we hope
for him to be one day. and leave it up to God to work
that out in his life. Because guess what? We make a
very lousy Holy Spirit in his life. God didn't call us to be
the helper, the advocate, the paracletos, the one that comes
alongside. God has his Holy Spirit to do that. I love that Peter
made mention of men being in church because we can also trust
that men in his life will come alongside of him and help him
and rub those rough edges out. And again, the world does not
want us to pray for our husbands to bring these things. I can
tell you that everything we do in our marriage is either building
or tearing down. We read in Proverbs chapter 14
verse 1 that a wise woman builds up her house, a foolish woman
tears it all down with her own hands. And we don't want to be
those people that are tearing down our house with our own hands,
do we? We don't. We want to build our
homes. And it doesn't sound like we're tearing our house down
in the moment, does it, when we're feeding our flesh, flesh
and spirit? When we're feeding our flesh,
it doesn't look ugly. We're not thinking, put myself
first, my best life now. We're not thinking those things,
but all we can think in the moment is, I'm right. Why can't he see
things the way that I see them? But if we just make that decision
to feed the spirit instead, to build, I'm gonna try to wrap
this up very quickly. Verse three, do not let your
adorning be the external, the braiding of the hair and the
putting on of jewelry or the clothing you wear. Let your adorning
be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty
of a gentle and quiet spirit. So we know that the world, begs
women to focus on the outward appearance. We see Botox and
lip injections and butt lifts and Ozempic and all of these
things are so popular today where we all just want to change our
appearance, stay young, stay fit, stay in shape, and it's
ever changing these tides of our culture of the standard of
beauty. But we can stand on the foundation of God's Word and
become beautiful in the eyes of our God and our husband by
this gentle and quiet spirit. And we, what does this mean?
What is a gentle and quiet spirit? Does this mean we never talk
or we never have an opinion to share with our husband? No, that's
not what it means at all. But again, like Peter was just
saying, it's the way that we present those things. It's the
tone in which we give them to our husbands. It's not outward
at all. It's a posture that inwardly
shows a woman who has surrendered to those three conditions of
discipleship. and following the one that in his only biographical,
autobiographical description of himself says, I'm gentle and
lowly at heart. He's asking us to be gentle as
well in our marriages and saying, follow me, do what I've done.
Follow the way that I submitted to my father in heaven and look
at the eternal blessings that came from my submission and you
can have the same fruit in your life. We conform to his image
by doing this and we accept the cross as he did, whichever way
he presents it to us. As Amy Carmichael said, so many
of you know she was a great missionary in the past, she says, in acceptance
lieth peace. So that old rugged cross in your
life, have you accepted it today? The smaller big duties that you
know could fix your marriage, is it the way you speak to him?
Is it the little foxes that we read about in Song of Solomon
that destroy the vineyard, those little things? that we've allowed
to just spoil the fruit and eat the fruit of the vineyard and
destroy the life growing within? Is it something that He's asked
you to yield to? We know this big word, struggling,
is a big, huge word in our day. I'm struggling. I'm struggling
with this sin. I'm struggling with this concept. I'm struggling right now. I'm
just going through a struggle. And it's a buzzword in our culture,
and so many people go and sit down with a psychologist or a
therapist when they're struggling, when in reality, the word counselor
is used over 150 times in scripture. We can go to our manual, and
ladies, we should be reading this every single day, like walking
through a garden and picking fruit, and the sweet refreshment
that comes from his word daily. approaching his word with humility
and saying, Lord, whatever I'm struggling with, you've gone
before me and given me a manual to help me. So we run to a counselor
and therapist, and all we really need to do is deal with God.
And it's often just an issue of delayed obedience in his presence,
something we're not in obedience to him on. So take that burden
to the foot of the cross, and beware of, like Travis made mention
of this morning with Peter, when he said, not, far be it from
you, Lord, that will never happen to you. Peter was trying to tempt
our Lord Jesus with self-pity, with a perspective and an attitude
of just feel bad for yourself, feel sorry for yourself, and
Satan, his tactics haven't changed, have they, ladies? He wants us
to wallow in self-pity, to throw ourselves a pity party, poor
me. How about instead of having the
poor me attitude when your husband is late for dinner, let's say,
we can instill in our kids, poor daddy, let's think of a way to
bless him when he gets home. My kids now love to, and again,
this is so counterculture, but I don't even care. They love
to do it with me. We like to, when Travis gets home, sit down
and help him untie his boots so he'll sit back. and he says
it makes him just feel like a king, but our kids will gather around
and like, help me undo, I'm trying to teach them to tie shoes too,
but they'll just help us untie the laces, and I'll say, okay,
now go take daddy's boots where they go, take his socks off and
wiggle his toes, they've been stuck in those boots all day,
you know, and they love to help me with this because instead
of, and I get it, I'm a pastor's wife, my husband is needed all
the time, all the time, pulled in so many different directions,
I can get the perspective of, poor me, everything I'm missing
out on, my kids are missing out on, we could be going on vacation
every year, if we had a normal job and made more money, but
guess what, how about instead I change that and look for a
way that my husband may need to be encouraged and blessed
and strengthened. Again, have you thought of that,
that worldly pity parties and wallowing there is a way to obey
Satan? They're satanic. Just think of
that when you start to feel those. We do well to say, get behind
me, Satan, when we have those feelings of self-pity. So if
we take our burden to Christ, the father-in-law of our husband,
did you ever think of that? That Christ is the father-in-law
of your husband. You can take your burdens to
him and say, Lord, my husband is blowing it. Please, please
correct him. And he cares for you. How many
times have I said we're finishing up? Can you tell I'm married
to a preacher? Okay, verse five and six, I'll just finish with
this. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to
adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands. Like we
said, it's individual. Verse six, as Sarah obeyed Abraham,
calling him Lord, and you are her children if you do good and
do not fear anything that is frightening. So, We can entrust God with the task
of changing our husbands. We can take our burden to the
Lord. And as J. Hudson Taylor said, we can learn
to move men through God by prayer alone. Right? We know from this
old hymn, what a friend we have in Jesus. Oh, what peace we often
forfeit. Oh, what needless pain we bear,
all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer. And this is
our most important role as a wife, is taking our burdens to the
cross. This is the key to the fearless
life that we read of here, the women that are not given to much
fear and can call her husband Lord, not allowing these fears
to take over. It's hard riding in the passenger
seat. I understand that. Sometimes not being able to just
grab the wheel or press on the brakes ourselves. and not knowing
where our husband's leading our family, it can be really hard.
But we can, this is the key to this fearless life is entrusting
our husband to God, right? To bring your burdens to him.
And I always, with any kind of marriage counseling, I have to
make mention of the three A's. Abandonment, abuse, and adultery. If any of those three things
are happening in your marriage, Please, before you listen to
what I'm telling you, especially in the cases of abuse, go to
your pastor. Talk to someone, bring those
things to your pastor, and this is bringing your burdens to God,
is allowing a pastor, an older man, to step in and deal with
your husband, because then you do need some outside help. But
again, every day I just want to close by saying this, that
all of these things I've made mention of, denying yourself,
taking up your cross, following Christ, living in a respectful
and submissive role as a wife, we're called to make the choice
of flesh and spirit, building or tearing. The same decision
I had to make to get off drugs. Am I going to obey my flesh today
and go use drugs, or am I going to listen to the Spirit of God
and submit myself to Him? Am I going to put poison into
my veins, quite literally, or am I going to follow Christ and
pray or read my Bible or find a sister to encourage me spiritually? It's the same decisions I make
daily as a wife and as a mom. Am I going to build my home,
or am I going to tear it down with my own hands? Like God lays
out in scripture, I lay before you life and death, blessings
and cursings. We have the choice with every
thought we think, every site we scroll, even if it's just
Instagram, and you're looking at some woman with this attractive
husband that builds everything for her, Chip and Joanna, okay?
Right? And you're comparing your man
to him, saying, my man doesn't do that. Okay, he has a whole
team of people behind the scenes that build for her, okay? It's
not just him, he's not Superman. But all this to say, All this
to say, we can think about that wonderful picture that Pastor
Joe put before us last night. We are either building up or
we are digging the grave of our marriage, right? And we know
that all through scripture, the flesh profits nothing. The flesh
profits nothing. If we're gonna be feeding our
flesh, going and venting or speaking disrespectfully to our husband
or venting all of our feelings out because it feels good in
the moment, it does nothing but tear things down. And you know
you're going to feel like garbage later and have to go back and
apologize anyway, so why not just take care of business to
begin with and just wait 10 seconds to respond. When your husband
says just wait, just breathe, respond with respect and with
dignity and Please, I'd love to see any of you with more practical
things I can help with after this session. But thank you so
much for allowing me to share. That was such a blessing and
love each of you already. And we've been praying for you
in preparation for this. And I pray that by God's grace,
he was able to minister something through his word today and through
these practical, me being honest and open with you. So let's pray
together, Lord. We're so grateful for your word. We're thankful
that you've called us to be wives, Lord, that you've called us to
be your daughters, that you've called us to be friends to our
husband. Lord, thank you for this picture of marriage, of
Christ in the church that carried beyond Eden, beyond the fall,
Lord, that carried into even modern day today, even though
the world wants to do everything it can to tear it down and get
rid of this sanctimony and this beautiful, wonderful, sacred
picture of marriage, Lord. Here we are, we're all still
here and we're seeking to build our marriages up. So would you
please provide us with wisdom through the sessions that remain
in this conference, through everything that we do, fellowship with one
another, please continue the work that you've started in our
marriages. We love you so much and we praise you, in Jesus'
name, amen. Thank you so much.
Roles and Responsibilities
Series Marriage Conference 2024
| Sermon ID | 8824172936431 |
| Duration | 46:07 |
| Date | |
| Category | Conference |
| Language | English |
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