All right. Well, good morning, ladies. Can you all hear me okay? Can't hear me? All right. Do I need to come closer? There we go. If you will, please turn to 1 Peter chapter 3 with me. That's going to be our text that we will be in. So 1 Peter chapter 3, we'll be in those first few verses. And while you're turning, while I hear those pages turning, I will just share with you a brief testimony so that you can have some context of, like Travis said, who is this newly 30-year-old tattooed lady who's only been married less than eight years, and what does she know about marriage? I know some of you, I've talked to you, and you've got grandkids that are near my age or older. Some of you have children my age or older. Some of you have been married much longer than I've been alive. Who am I? My name is Madison Carey. Y'all can call me Maddie. I am married to that handsome guy who just taught from Matthew this morning, Travis. And we have been married a little over seven years. I am originally from Chattanooga, Tennessee. I grew up in the Bible Belt. And so every Sunday, my sisters and I went to church with matching dresses and big bows in our hair. And we just had this picture-perfect life. Church is just what everybody did on Sunday mornings, and that was just the lifestyle of living down south. it became clear that what we were learning in church was not the center of our home. When my parents divorced, when I was 11 years old, the process began. And that was because there was infidelity within the marriage. One of my parents had cheated on their spouse, my other parent, with a leader within the church. In addition to that, there's a set of grandparents of mine that were split apart because the husband was a youth pastor within the church and was abusing children. And so that right there, that foundation and that example of church caused me to Turn away from the church. I didn't want anything to do with church. Not only was I really scared of people in church, you know, I thought they were better people than me. I could never live up to the standard that was set by the Ten Commandments in church. I also was just sickened by what I perceived as hypocrisy and legalism and thought I could never believe what these people say because of the example that had been set in our home. So we read in the book of Ephesians, Ephesians chapter five, that there's this great mystery of Christ in the church, like we were just hearing about, that we preach the gospel through our marriages. And it is a great mystery, but I can just tell you that what was laid as a foundation by my grandparents, by my parents, was so confusing. And it made me flee the church scene, because that union of Christ in the church, the example was broken up. And that's what it did in my life. And so this led me into a downward spiral into the world, into drug addiction. By the time I was 17 years old, I was living with my boyfriend, a senior in high school, and this was my next front row seat of a marriage. He had two parents that had been a tumultuous marriage, but had just stayed together kind of as roommates. not Christians at all. Obviously they're letting a 17-year-old girl live in their house with their son. And his parents kind of became my parents in this season of drug addiction. They let me use drugs with them. They were like the cool party house. And one night his mom came to me and said, you need to get, I love my son, but you need to get out of here because you're going to end up in chains like me. You need to leave him. And that struck me, but not as much as when one week later we found her face up in her own vomit, dead from a drug overdose one morning. And so there went my other picture of marriage, torn apart by drug overdose. So, all this to say the foundation being laid in my mind by the time I was 19 years old, so that was six years total of drug use, I was so turned off by church, not only by church, by marriage. I didn't ever want to get married. I was a feminist. I was a liberal. I didn't, I thought women should have control over their own lives, and why would you ever bring a man into your life and let him tell you what to do? So by the time I was 19, though, my will and my ways following my heart had led me into a circumstance where I was living with a house full of drug dealers, wanted felons. The man that I was living with at 17 had just turned out to be a horribly abusive relationship so I upgraded to a bunch of wanted felons and drug dealers living in their house. And one night I had taken way too much heroin and cocaine and They didn't know what to do with this girl that had stopped breathing and had a white face and blue lips. And so what they did was they took me, they loaded me up into a car and they dumped me out on the side of the road and left me there to die. And I did die. By the time a random bypasser had driven by and picked me up and taken me to a hospital, I was pronounced dead on arrival. with no hope of resuscitation. But by the grace of God, they pumped my stomach, pumped me with Narcan, and I am standing here today before you. And I wish, yeah, praise the Lord, but I wish that I could say that from there I gave my heart to Jesus, and it's all been smooth sailing. But really what that was, that rock bottom moment, was me then beginning a path of worldly recovery and worldly counseling and worldly therapy and worldly rehabilitation, as if there was something there that needed to be rehabilitated or revived. No, I needed to die, as we just learned about. So what I was learning in these counseling sessions, in these AA meetings, NA meetings, IOPs, 30-day programs, five-day detoxes, counseling sessions, psychologist, psychiatric appointments where I was being prescribed all these medications and slapped with Band-Aid labels of you have depression and anxiety and you know, multiple personality disorder, you're an insomniac, you're ADHD, all of these things are the reason that you're using drugs. I was also told in the midst of all of that, these are all your labels, these are all your problems, and that's why you're using drugs. And the other reason you're using drugs is because you don't love yourself enough. If you just loved yourself more and put your self-care as number one priority, you wouldn't live this way anymore. You'd change your life, and you'd do what was best for you. And that was the self-love counseling that I received. And by the time I was kicked out of my third halfway house because I continued to relapse and continued to turn back to the drugs that were destroying my life, my mom reached out with one last helping hand and said, there's a program in Maine that's a discipleship program. And I'm like, what is discipleship? I hadn't heard that word at all through Worldly Recovery. But this discipleship program was a year long, and what they were going to do was different than what the world does for recovery. They were going to pour in the word of God and allow his word to change everything. And so that began my discipleship journey in that little house on River Road in Orrington, Maine, this discipleship program that my husband spoke of. Basically, I was confronted with the word of God and my will intersected with his will. And there began the journey of discipleship in my life. So my husband made mention of the three conditions of discipleship. And what he was really saying is that we have to come to a place where we agree with the Word of God. We take this book, this book that we know was written by our Creator, and we say, Is this going to be the final authority in my life, or am I going to rewrite it in my own truth, in my own story, and that's what I'm going to believe? Or can I look at this as a manual? So in those early days of me getting clean and sober, this was my book to learn to be clean and sober. This was the book written for drug addicts. I could not believe how much everything in this book applied to drug addicts like me and finding freedom. And so in that time, I was taught these three conditions of discipleship. Deny yourself. Take up your cross and follow me. Denial, death, and discipleship. And these three things will just kind of serve as a launching pad into our session here for us wives. So let's ask the Lord for wisdom. I certainly need it and I know we all do to apply his word to our life. bow your heads with me. Lord, we thank you so much for your work in our lives. We thank you that you even desire to change wretches like us, Lord. Each of us varying degrees of sin as we see it, Lord, but it's all sin to you, and we thank you that we can be here this morning and know that your word has so much to offer us. Lord, you want to give us freedom. You want to set people free this morning, so I pray that you'd breathe your word into our hearts this morning. As wives, as your daughters, Lord, as daughter-in-laws, Lord, we know that not only are you our father, but you're our husband's father. And we look to you this morning to find the best way to serve in these roles and responsibilities that you've given us as wives. We love you so much, Lord. Thank you for your word. In Jesus' name. So I do not seek to reteach this portion of scripture, but I just want to bring practical context for us as women on what this means to be a disciple and a wife. What does discipleship have to do with being a wife? And I also want to talk about the radical contrast with what the world says that we should be as wives and what it says about discipleship. Let's talk about what the word says of denying yourself. This means to give up your rights, to lay down your will, and what does the world say about doing that, right? You can think of many slogans that, like Travis said, are the titles of books today. Put yourself first, love yourself, build your self-esteem, you can't pour from an empty cup, so you must put yourself before everyone else, right? We've all heard these things. And this radical message of denying ourself is the opposite of what the feminist movement is pulling at us ladies to do, right? Some of you can remember when the whisperings of the feminist movement first started and you're thinking, what is happening with this world? can look at these people that are now world leaders, well, we look at our potential president of the United States, Kamala Harris, she said, you never have to ask for permission to lead. Whenever you want to lead, whoever you want to lead, you lead. So Kamala Harris, that's the example that she wants to set for women everywhere. There's a comedian named Amy Schumer. She says, I am a woman with thoughts and questions and things to say. I edited that to make it church worthy. I say if I'm beautiful, I say if I'm strong, I determine my story. And some of you know the, philosopher, Beyonce, she says in her famous song, Who Runs the World, girls. And this is a big song that's catchy and it's played through clubs and cars worldwide of women just pounding this message. We run the world. It's all about what we want. Take charge of your life. And in marriage, how does this apply to us? What does the world say about marriage? We're to put our needs first, we make our own happiness a priority, and what do we see as the result of that? Divorce rates are at an all-time high. At an all-time high, aren't they? Also, number two in these three conditions of discipleship, the word requires us to die, to take up our cross. As Travis made mention that John H. Newman quote, to take up the cross is no great action done once and for all, but it consists of the continual practice of small duties which are distasteful to us. And John H. Newman wrote that centuries ago. as an English theologian. So these small duties, and I'm sure that when Travis made mention of that, and as I'm making mention of it now, we can all think of some sort of housework, some sort of chore, some duty within the home, some child of yours that is a small duty that can be distasteful to us in dealing with that day by day. or some aspect of your marriage that rubs against your will, that you just, it makes you just cringe. Why can't this change? Why is God allowing this in my life? I ask you, what form does the old rugged cross get presented to you day by day that you have to die daily? Is it your marriage? Is it your husband who you feel is not bearing his end of the burden of the cross that you two are supposed to be carrying together as a family? We'll talk more on that. But what does the world say regarding this death to self? We're supposed to be living in the moment. You only live once. That was a big quote, YOLO, a few years ago, right? You only live once, so live it up, live your best life now. And that, Your Best Life Now, is a Christian book title that women are supposed to be reading and finding how to find your happiness right now. This is what you're supposed to be living, your dream. Life is too short. And in marriage, that's the message to wives that these secular counselors are telling. You should be If he doesn't make you happy, you should leave him. Life is way too short to sacrifice your happiness for some man. And women are biting the bait every day. Thirdly, the word invites us to follow him in a position of discipleship under our Lord Jesus. I made mention at the beginning of my discipleship journey, I had to agree with God, my creator, and his word had to become the standard of my life, the manual, right? And in following him, that means obedience. That's what discipleship means, the definition of discipleship. It's daily discipline. It's obedience to God, even when it rubs against our will. And this same book, again, that was my manual for how to get clean from drugs and alcohol, It became my manual for my early days of ministry. It became my manual when I did get married and all of these feminist ideology and worldly secular advice had to rub off of me to become the godly wife that scripture commands me to be. This was my manual. If I ever had a problem, I can just come to his book. And it hurts at first, right? The more that we walk with Jesus, the less it hurts. We say, yes, Lord, my spirit agrees with that. But in those early days, you all can remember those first days of being saved. I was offended by this book, very offended, but I'm grateful for that offense. I'm grateful for that rubbing against my will because it changed me for the better. Amen. Has it done that in your life too? And truthfully, this same book, When we first got married, my husband took a job in Hawaii to become the assistant pastor of the Ranch Church. It's at Calvary Chapel out on the island of Oahu. And within the first few weeks, I don't know what they were thinking, trusting us. So we'd been married a week and clean and sober about two years at that point, three years for me. They gave us couples to sit down with and counsel in marriage counseling. And we had not been married a month, you know? We are like, what? Again, same thing that I'm going through here. I'm like, wow. I told Travis last night, honey, it seems like all those marriages are pretty intact. Maybe they don't need me to talk tomorrow. Because they all seem like they get along. They all seem like great women. God's Word was my manual for marriage ministry, too. Not only my manual for drug addiction, getting clean and sober, getting free forever, not only my manual for ministry and marriage, now marriage ministry. I can turn to this book and say, listen, no, I haven't been married. No, I haven't dealt with the nuances of children and blended families and all these different things that you've been through through years of marriage. But I just can tell you what the book says. I can tell you what the book says and we can go to it together and apply it. And sometimes people would ask me questions, I go, I don't know. Let's look at the book together. Let's open it. Let's find out what God's word says. And the world, again, the world, it is so against everything this book teaches us. Have you noticed that? Everything that's being preached at women today, We're told that this book is outdated, it's behind the times, it's narrow-minded. We're given the idea that God is this big fun-ruiner, wagging his finger in the sky, and we should just live how we want to live, because that's the best way to live. Whatever makes us happy, right? Whatever makes us happy. And honestly, at first glance, all this death talk, dying to self and following and denying yourself, it does hurt at first. It's the hard stuff. But that's why he says, if. He says, if you want to be my disciples. And ladies, I think today he says, if you want a biblical marriage. We have the choice. We can choose to do things the way that we've always done them, or the way that our parents did them, or the way that makes us happy. But God is saying, if you want, My standard, if you want to live as my disciple, if you want a biblical marriage, this is what you need to do. We see the rich, young ruler throughout scripture in the gospels. He comes to the Lord Jesus and says, what must I do? Tell me what to do. I've done everything. I've followed the commandments. Even as a child, I was following your commandments. I've done everything right. And Jesus says, puts his finger on something and says, no, here's what you need to do. Go and sell everything you have to the poor And because Jesus knew there was this one thing, there was this one small duty that was distasteful to the rich young ruler, he put his finger on it and said, are you willing? And the rich young ruler went away sad. Not because it was impossible, because he was unwilling. And today, that's what God says to us. He gives us the hard and heart stuff first. He says, will you let me address this issue in your life before we start this journey of discipleship right up front? I'm going to tell you the hard stuff. Deny yourself. Take up your cross and follow me. We see in John chapter 2 in the wedding at Cana, the guests at the wedding are just blown away that the wine, the good wine was saved till the end. That when the first bit, or I'm sorry, The good wine, yes, that's what I'm trying to say, that we see the contrast between the world and who Christ is. Christ gives us the good, he gives us everything, and it's The enemy, what he wants to do is trap us at the beginning. This is where I'm going. He gives us the previews to the movie, and it looks like a great movie, right? The lust, we see women falling into sin, we see they find this exciting, lustful, adventurous, maybe it's an adulterous affair, maybe it's looking at something online, and their promised reward at the beginning. And what does Satan do every time? Every time, just like it was for me with drugs and alcohol, which started out really fun, At the end, it leads to a snare. At the end, it's a trap. It wraps its tentacles around you and you can't get out. But what does Christ offer us? What does Christ offer us? Christ offers us, yes, it's gonna be hard at first, a lot of things have to change about you, but there's at your right hand are pleasures evermore, joy everlasting, Psalm 16 talks about. We have not only heaven to look forward to, but a blessed life here walking hand in hand with our King. And so he's asking today, do you want it my way? So let's look at his way. What does that mean? What is his way? Let's read 1 Peter 3, and we're just going to go to verse 6. So 1 Peter 3, verses 1 through 6. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands. I'm reading from the ESV. So that even if some do not obey the word, that they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of the hair and the putting on of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear. Verse four, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. So we know that in this portion of Scripture, our author is Peter. like Travis talked about. He was a disciple. He put his foot in his mouth often. He was a sidekick of Jesus. In fact, he was always mentioned the first of the three that followed Jesus everywhere, that got access to Christ and these miracles that no one else saw, like the Mount of Transfiguration, the little girl that was raised from the dead in Mark chapter 5. Peter, James, and John got a front row seat to things that no one else saw in Jesus' life, even the most intimate moments in the Garden of Gethsemane before the cross when Jesus is praying, let this cup pass from me, not my will but yours be done. We'll talk more about that verse in a minute. also got to walk on water and ultimately we know on the night of the crucifixion betrayed Jesus. He betrayed his friendship with our Lord and King. And so we know also from scripture that he was restored and ended up leading thousands of to Christ, you know, on the day of Pentecost. Look at the book of Acts and all the ways that the Lord used a restored version of this Peter that's so close to our heart and so relatable through scripture. We also know from scripture that he was married because he had a mother-in-law that was healed from her sickness. And through church history, we're even told that this special gal that Peter was married to ended up in prison with Peter and crucified alongside of him upside down. So she was crucified next to her husband, okay? So she quite literally took up her cross as a wife and the calling that the Lord Jesus had on her husband's life. So she also had a front row seat to this transformation that happened in her husband's life, right? She followed faithfully behind her husband even to death. And you're maybe sitting here thinking, OK, but she was married to Peter. We see who this man is through scripture, this godly man. I'm not married to Peter. I'm not married to a man like Pastor Joe. I'm not married to a man like Pastor Travis. I am not married to a godly man. He's blowing his duty. So what if he's blowing it? We're given direction for that, okay? Let's read again verses one and two. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct. So to some of you, you thought I was going to give you good news, okay? If he's not blowing it, you don't have to obey this book. This doesn't have to be your manual anymore. No, we're actually given a promise. Even though we're not given a clause or a way out or an escape route, we're given a promise through this portion of scripture. We're not given the permission to abandon our duties. But he has an abundance of grace and of promises and of blessing if we follow his example. Because remember, the Lord Jesus submitted to the Father in the garden, like we just read about. Not my will, but yours be done. And that is the definition of submission. It is a loving mandate from our King, our kind King, who has walked this road before us. And he is above every husband. He is their authority, right? So we're reading here, be subject to, submission, respect, honor. And I'm here to tell you, it does not come naturally to any of us. Raise your hand if you are someone that this just comes very naturally to. No, I don't see any hands raised, in case you're on the front row. It doesn't come naturally to any of us. And remember, what the world is preaching to us is giving us that escape route. It's giving us our clause and our permission to not obey. It's saying this is so 1800s, this is so oppressive, you need to have a voice, you're losing yourself in this process. But remember, what is two becoming one all about? It is about losing ourself. We're called to lay ourself down at this altar. And remember, what this submission looks like, what this death to self, denial of self looks like. It is small duties which are distasteful to us. And I, ladies, I have found that with the husband being head of the home as Christ is the head of the church, and submitting to my husband's authority, the small duties are the hardest. I followed my husband across the country to go back, leaving a really good job in Hawaii. We moved back to Maine to serve. My husband was going to be Pastor Ken Grape's assistant at the time. He still serves as Pastor Ken's assistant and handles all of his travel and things like that, but when we were first moving, there were parts of me that was scared, but it was like, amen, yes, Lord, I trust you, you're leading my husband. Then in 2020, yeah, I was a little scared as my husband said, let's go plant a church in the number two most godless unchurched city in America. I'm like, okay, yes, I trust you, Lord, I trust you, you're gonna show up, you're leading and guiding my husband, but let me tell you, when I have my day planned out, Like day to day, and my husband calls me and said, actually, I want you to do this instead today. I'm like, ah, what do you mean? I had so much planned today. That's the small stuff that's the hardest. It's the little things. It's the, I've got dinner thawing and ready to make. And he says, no, I want to do this instead. And it's like, that's the rubbing of the will that you're like, wow, why is it so much easier to pack up and move your whole family to a different town? Why is the small duties the hardest to submit to? It's because they seem the most meaningless. It seems like they have no ripple effect, no effect on anything. Why is this even an issue? Why does he even care about this, right? The big things are easy because we see the magnitude of us following Jesus and the results of our obedience is gonna yield such amazing fruit. So it's the smaller duties that are very hard. Smaller duties like parenting decisions, like financial decisions, like I mentioned, daily to-do lists. What about areas where we're the expert? That's really hard, isn't it? We're a really good cook and he has an opinion on something. We're an artist. I do all of our graphic design at the church and all of our media and things like that. And so if he steps in and says, I don't like the colors on that, I'm like, You mean it's perfect. This goes so well together. It's so aesthetically pleasing. That's the small duties that are distasteful to me that I have to say, yes, Lord. Okay, this is the man you've given me. This is the graphic design pastor of our church, even though he may not feel like the expert in this arena. This is who God has given me as my overseer. Yes, Lord, I submit to this, right? You might think areas of health. Maybe it's a shot or vaccine you don't want to give your kids, but he says, we're going to go with this. This is the decision we're making for our family. I don't know, a financial decision, things like that. It's hard when we feel like we're the expert in that arena. But God says, even still, that doesn't make, because you're smarter or better or prettier or funnier, it doesn't make you have a clause where you don't have to obey and submit. So in submission, it's very important to add this, that every husband is so different. So the command is the same, but the practical is very case by case. So I always encourage women that I'm talking to, have you ever stopped to ask your husband what's important to him in submission? Have you ever asked him how you can better honor and love and respect and be subject under him? He might be like, whoa, let me think about that, and I'll get back to you. And have him pray and think, what needs to happen? What would you like my day to look like? I had a friend that was such a good baker, and every day she would make these big meals and then these big desserts where they'd be decorated for her and all of our kids. And every night she'd be on Pinterest finding these new recipes. And they were having some issues, and she came to me and asked this. And I told her, go back and ask him, what are his desires for you? Why is there conflict when he comes home from work? And when she asked him that, immediately he just said, I just prefer that our floors are clean when I come home. Because when I get on the floor and I play with our kids, I don't want crumbs on my back. So if that could be done, I don't care anything about desserts. I don't want dessert. And that was a big moment for her where she said, wow, I thought that was such an important thing and was making me such a good wife, but it wasn't blessing him at all. So it's going to look different for every husband. But if we just ask, if we just go to him, we can find out what's important to him. But again, feminism is so sneaky, isn't it? We can allow our rights, our preferences, our zone of expertise to taint our perspective and create imbalance in our home. And I can also throw in, ladies, especially those of us with small kids that are at home, but even more so those of us with adult kids that have caught on to our idiosyncrasies and know us better than anyone, that our kids aren't stupid, right? They can see when there's a power struggle between mom and dad. And this, I can just get personal and honest with you guys, this comes up with us, we have five-year-old twins, and like Pastor Peter was just up here making mention of, when I've been dealing with them for eight hours, and I know they do not need one ounce of sugar, and we've all done research now on red dyes and screen time and all this stuff, when Travis comes home and just wants to bless his kids and give them a lollipop, and come snuggle up and watch a movie with daddy, and I'm like, they don't deserve this, they've been doing this, that's really bad for them, that's gonna get all in their teeth, we need to brush their teeth right after. These little, small, subtle remarks, or not so subtle remarks, our kids notice it, our kids see it, and they notice this imbalance. And we've had to have conversations about that, where he says, honey, this makes me feel like I'm not being a good leader. And it's it makes me feel like you're questioning my decisions when you do this. So practically applying that I have to go OK. You know I'm really trying to finish up I promise. Oh my goodness. It went a little over the last session so I'm going to try to wrap this up soon. But again, with these disapproving, subtle remarks, or not so subtle, there are several responses that men give. And there can be either conflict that comes out of it, or concession. So I'll put that in a different way. There can be friction, where there's a fight that blows up. You're not letting me lead. I told you I want to give them candy when I come home, blah, blah, blah. Or there's a forfeit, so friction and fight or a forfeit, where he says, you know what? You can lead. I'll back off. I'm not going to do anything to try to lead this family because you make a better leader than me anyways. And both of them, both of those things are disrespectful, whether we're causing a fight, whether we're causing him to forfeit his rights as a leader. It's disrespectful to our husbands, and it creates an imbalance. It's not God's design. And I can tell you, I didn't write the book. I did not write the book telling us all to be respectful and submission. Our Creator did, and this is the design that He has. God created men with a need to be respected. So again, Do we want the conflict or friction in our home? Do we want them to concede and forfeit with their tail between their legs, saying, all right, you do it, you be the leader of the home? We don't want that. Both are out of order and against God's design. And when our will crosses his will, someone has to die. So why not me? It's not a weakness to die, as the world says. Again, it wasn't weak when Christ said, not my will, but yours be done. It's not a weakness, it's an incredible strength that we can cement to our Father in heaven. And God's Word promises in those moments, whether he's in sin or just slightly detoured, that we can win him with our conduct, with our respectful conduct. We can avoid conflict and we can continue to respect him as the hero that we hope for him to be one day. and leave it up to God to work that out in his life. Because guess what? We make a very lousy Holy Spirit in his life. God didn't call us to be the helper, the advocate, the paracletos, the one that comes alongside. God has his Holy Spirit to do that. I love that Peter made mention of men being in church because we can also trust that men in his life will come alongside of him and help him and rub those rough edges out. And again, the world does not want us to pray for our husbands to bring these things. I can tell you that everything we do in our marriage is either building or tearing down. We read in Proverbs chapter 14 verse 1 that a wise woman builds up her house, a foolish woman tears it all down with her own hands. And we don't want to be those people that are tearing down our house with our own hands, do we? We don't. We want to build our homes. And it doesn't sound like we're tearing our house down in the moment, does it, when we're feeding our flesh, flesh and spirit? When we're feeding our flesh, it doesn't look ugly. We're not thinking, put myself first, my best life now. We're not thinking those things, but all we can think in the moment is, I'm right. Why can't he see things the way that I see them? But if we just make that decision to feed the spirit instead, to build, I'm gonna try to wrap this up very quickly. Verse three, do not let your adorning be the external, the braiding of the hair and the putting on of jewelry or the clothing you wear. Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. So we know that the world, begs women to focus on the outward appearance. We see Botox and lip injections and butt lifts and Ozempic and all of these things are so popular today where we all just want to change our appearance, stay young, stay fit, stay in shape, and it's ever changing these tides of our culture of the standard of beauty. But we can stand on the foundation of God's Word and become beautiful in the eyes of our God and our husband by this gentle and quiet spirit. And we, what does this mean? What is a gentle and quiet spirit? Does this mean we never talk or we never have an opinion to share with our husband? No, that's not what it means at all. But again, like Peter was just saying, it's the way that we present those things. It's the tone in which we give them to our husbands. It's not outward at all. It's a posture that inwardly shows a woman who has surrendered to those three conditions of discipleship. and following the one that in his only biographical, autobiographical description of himself says, I'm gentle and lowly at heart. He's asking us to be gentle as well in our marriages and saying, follow me, do what I've done. Follow the way that I submitted to my father in heaven and look at the eternal blessings that came from my submission and you can have the same fruit in your life. We conform to his image by doing this and we accept the cross as he did, whichever way he presents it to us. As Amy Carmichael said, so many of you know she was a great missionary in the past, she says, in acceptance lieth peace. So that old rugged cross in your life, have you accepted it today? The smaller big duties that you know could fix your marriage, is it the way you speak to him? Is it the little foxes that we read about in Song of Solomon that destroy the vineyard, those little things? that we've allowed to just spoil the fruit and eat the fruit of the vineyard and destroy the life growing within? Is it something that He's asked you to yield to? We know this big word, struggling, is a big, huge word in our day. I'm struggling. I'm struggling with this sin. I'm struggling with this concept. I'm struggling right now. I'm just going through a struggle. And it's a buzzword in our culture, and so many people go and sit down with a psychologist or a therapist when they're struggling, when in reality, the word counselor is used over 150 times in scripture. We can go to our manual, and ladies, we should be reading this every single day, like walking through a garden and picking fruit, and the sweet refreshment that comes from his word daily. approaching his word with humility and saying, Lord, whatever I'm struggling with, you've gone before me and given me a manual to help me. So we run to a counselor and therapist, and all we really need to do is deal with God. And it's often just an issue of delayed obedience in his presence, something we're not in obedience to him on. So take that burden to the foot of the cross, and beware of, like Travis made mention of this morning with Peter, when he said, not, far be it from you, Lord, that will never happen to you. Peter was trying to tempt our Lord Jesus with self-pity, with a perspective and an attitude of just feel bad for yourself, feel sorry for yourself, and Satan, his tactics haven't changed, have they, ladies? He wants us to wallow in self-pity, to throw ourselves a pity party, poor me. How about instead of having the poor me attitude when your husband is late for dinner, let's say, we can instill in our kids, poor daddy, let's think of a way to bless him when he gets home. My kids now love to, and again, this is so counterculture, but I don't even care. They love to do it with me. We like to, when Travis gets home, sit down and help him untie his boots so he'll sit back. and he says it makes him just feel like a king, but our kids will gather around and like, help me undo, I'm trying to teach them to tie shoes too, but they'll just help us untie the laces, and I'll say, okay, now go take daddy's boots where they go, take his socks off and wiggle his toes, they've been stuck in those boots all day, you know, and they love to help me with this because instead of, and I get it, I'm a pastor's wife, my husband is needed all the time, all the time, pulled in so many different directions, I can get the perspective of, poor me, everything I'm missing out on, my kids are missing out on, we could be going on vacation every year, if we had a normal job and made more money, but guess what, how about instead I change that and look for a way that my husband may need to be encouraged and blessed and strengthened. Again, have you thought of that, that worldly pity parties and wallowing there is a way to obey Satan? They're satanic. Just think of that when you start to feel those. We do well to say, get behind me, Satan, when we have those feelings of self-pity. So if we take our burden to Christ, the father-in-law of our husband, did you ever think of that? That Christ is the father-in-law of your husband. You can take your burdens to him and say, Lord, my husband is blowing it. Please, please correct him. And he cares for you. How many times have I said we're finishing up? Can you tell I'm married to a preacher? Okay, verse five and six, I'll just finish with this. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands. Like we said, it's individual. Verse six, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you are her children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. So, We can entrust God with the task of changing our husbands. We can take our burden to the Lord. And as J. Hudson Taylor said, we can learn to move men through God by prayer alone. Right? We know from this old hymn, what a friend we have in Jesus. Oh, what peace we often forfeit. Oh, what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer. And this is our most important role as a wife, is taking our burdens to the cross. This is the key to the fearless life that we read of here, the women that are not given to much fear and can call her husband Lord, not allowing these fears to take over. It's hard riding in the passenger seat. I understand that. Sometimes not being able to just grab the wheel or press on the brakes ourselves. and not knowing where our husband's leading our family, it can be really hard. But we can, this is the key to this fearless life is entrusting our husband to God, right? To bring your burdens to him. And I always, with any kind of marriage counseling, I have to make mention of the three A's. Abandonment, abuse, and adultery. If any of those three things are happening in your marriage, Please, before you listen to what I'm telling you, especially in the cases of abuse, go to your pastor. Talk to someone, bring those things to your pastor, and this is bringing your burdens to God, is allowing a pastor, an older man, to step in and deal with your husband, because then you do need some outside help. But again, every day I just want to close by saying this, that all of these things I've made mention of, denying yourself, taking up your cross, following Christ, living in a respectful and submissive role as a wife, we're called to make the choice of flesh and spirit, building or tearing. The same decision I had to make to get off drugs. Am I going to obey my flesh today and go use drugs, or am I going to listen to the Spirit of God and submit myself to Him? Am I going to put poison into my veins, quite literally, or am I going to follow Christ and pray or read my Bible or find a sister to encourage me spiritually? It's the same decisions I make daily as a wife and as a mom. Am I going to build my home, or am I going to tear it down with my own hands? Like God lays out in scripture, I lay before you life and death, blessings and cursings. We have the choice with every thought we think, every site we scroll, even if it's just Instagram, and you're looking at some woman with this attractive husband that builds everything for her, Chip and Joanna, okay? Right? And you're comparing your man to him, saying, my man doesn't do that. Okay, he has a whole team of people behind the scenes that build for her, okay? It's not just him, he's not Superman. But all this to say, All this to say, we can think about that wonderful picture that Pastor Joe put before us last night. We are either building up or we are digging the grave of our marriage, right? And we know that all through scripture, the flesh profits nothing. The flesh profits nothing. If we're gonna be feeding our flesh, going and venting or speaking disrespectfully to our husband or venting all of our feelings out because it feels good in the moment, it does nothing but tear things down. And you know you're going to feel like garbage later and have to go back and apologize anyway, so why not just take care of business to begin with and just wait 10 seconds to respond. When your husband says just wait, just breathe, respond with respect and with dignity and Please, I'd love to see any of you with more practical things I can help with after this session. But thank you so much for allowing me to share. That was such a blessing and love each of you already. And we've been praying for you in preparation for this. And I pray that by God's grace, he was able to minister something through his word today and through these practical, me being honest and open with you. So let's pray together, Lord. We're so grateful for your word. We're thankful that you've called us to be wives, Lord, that you've called us to be your daughters, that you've called us to be friends to our husband. Lord, thank you for this picture of marriage, of Christ in the church that carried beyond Eden, beyond the fall, Lord, that carried into even modern day today, even though the world wants to do everything it can to tear it down and get rid of this sanctimony and this beautiful, wonderful, sacred picture of marriage, Lord. Here we are, we're all still here and we're seeking to build our marriages up. So would you please provide us with wisdom through the sessions that remain in this conference, through everything that we do, fellowship with one another, please continue the work that you've started in our marriages. We love you so much and we praise you, in Jesus' name, amen. Thank you so much.