The following book is called Sketches of the Life and Labours of the Reverend George Whitfield, to which are added two discourses preached in the year 1739. This book was issued by the Committee of the General Assembly of the Free Church of Scotland for the publication of the works of Scottish Reformers and Divines. The Autobiography of Mr. George Whitfield Part One From My Infancy Till My Being for Some Time at the University I was born in Gloucester in the month of December, 1714. My father and mother kept a bell in. The former died when I was two years old. The latter is now alive and has often told me how she endured 14 weeks sickness after she brought me into the world. But she was used to say, even when I was an infant, that she expected more comfort from me than any other of her children. This was the circumstance of my being born in an inn. It has been often of service to me in exciting my endeavors to make good my mother's expectations and to follow the example of my dear Savior who was born in a manger belonging to an inn. My very infant years must necessarily not be mentioned, yet I can remember such early stirrings of corruption in my heart. This abundantly convinces me that I was conceived and born in sin, that in me dwells no good thing by nature, and that if God had not freely prevented me by His grace, I must have been forever banished from His divine presence. I can truly say I was forward from my mother's womb. I was so brutish as to hate instruction and use purposely to shun all opportunities of receiving it. I soon gave pregnant proofs of an impudent temper, lying, filthy talking, and foolish jesting. I was much addicted to even when very young. Sometimes I used to curse if not swear. Stealing from my mother, I thought no theft at all and used to make no scruple of taking money out of her pocket before she was awake. I have frequently betrayed my trust, and have more than once spent money I took in the house in buying fruits, tarts, and so on to satisfy my sensual appetite. Numbers of Sabbaths have I broken, and generally used to behave myself very irreverently in God's sanctuary. Much money have I spent in plays and in the common entertainments of the age. Cards and reading, romances, were my heart's delight. Often have I joined with others in playing roguish tricks, but was generally, if not always happily detected. For this I have often, since I do now, bless and praise God. It would be endless to recount the sins and offenses of my younger days. They are more in number than the hairs on my head. My heart would fail me at the remembrance of them were I not assured that my Redeemer lives ever to make intercession for me. However, the young man in the gospel might boast how he had kept the commandments from his youth. With shame and confusion of face, I confess I have broken them all from my youth. Whatever foreseen fitness for salvation others may talk of and glory in, I disclaim any such thing. If I trace myself from my cradle to my manhood, I can see nothing in me but a fitness to be damned. I speak the truth in Christ. I lie not. If the Almighty had not prevented me by His grace and wrought most powerfully upon my soul, quickening me by His free spirit when dead in trespasses and sins, I had now been either sitting in darkness and in the shadow of death, or condemned as a due reward of my crimes to be forever lifting up my eyes in torment. But such was the free grace of God to me that no corruption worked so strongly in my soul and produced such early and bitter fruits, yet I can recollect very early movings of the blessed Spirit upon my heart, sufficient to satisfy me that God loved me with an everlasting love. and separated me even from my mother's womb to the work, to which he afterwards was pleased to call me. I had early some convictions of sin, and once I remembered when some persons, as they frequently did, made it their business to tease me, I immediately retired to my room and, kneeling down with many tears, prayed over that psalm wherein David so often repeats these words, But in the name of the Lord will I destroy them. I was always fond of being a clergyman, used frequently to imitate the ministers, reading prayers and so on. Part of the money I used to steal from my parents I gave to the poor and some books I privately took from others for which I have since restored fourfold. I remember were books of devotion. My mother was very careful of my education and always kept me in my tender years, for which I never can sufficiently thank her, from intermeddling in the least with the public business. About the tenth year of my age, it pleased God to permit my mother to marry a second time. It proved what the world would call an unhappy match is for temperals, but God overruled it for good. It set my brethren upon thinking more than otherwise they would have done and made an uncommon impression upon my own heart in particular. When I was about twelve, I was placed at a school called St. Mary the Crypt in Gloucester, the last grammar school I ever went to. Having a good elocution and memory, I was remarked for making speeches before the corporation at their annual visitation. But I cannot say I felt any drawings of God upon myself for a year or two, saving that I laid out some of the money that was given me on one of those aforementioned occasions in buying Ken's manual for Winchester Scholars, a book that had much affected me when my brother used to read it in my mother's troubles. and which, for some time after I bought it, was of great benefit to my soul. During the time of my being at school, I was very fond of reading plays, and have kept from school for days together to prepare myself for acting them. My master, seeing how mine and my school fellows' vein ran, composed something of the kind for us himself, and caused me to dress myself in girls' clothes, which I had often done, tacked apart before the corporation. The remembrance of this has often filled me with confusion of faith, and I hope will do so even to the end of my life. And I cannot but here observe, with much concern in mind, how this way of training up youth has a natural tendency to debauch the mind, to raise ill passions, and to stuff the memory with things as contrary to the gospel of Jesus Christ as light to darkness, heaven to hell. However, though the first thing I had to repent of was my education in general, yet I must always acknowledge that my particular thanks are due to my master for the great pains he took with me and his other scholars in teaching us to speak and write correctly. Before I was 15, having as I thought, made a sufficient progress in the classics, and at the bottom longing to be set at liberty from the confinement of a school. I one day told my mother since her circumstances would not permit her to give me a university education. More learning, I thought, would spoil me for a tradesman, and therefore I judge it best not to learn Latin any longer. She at first refused to consent, but my corruption soon got the better of her good nature. Hereupon for some time I went to learn to write only, but my mother's circumstances being much on it declined, and being tractable that way, I from time to time began to assist her occasionally in the public house till the length I put on my blue apron and my snuffers. washed them off, cleaned rooms, and in one word became a professed and common drawer for nigh a year and a half. But he who was with David when he was following the sheep big with young was with me even here. For notwithstanding, I was thus employed in a common inn and had sometimes the care of the whole house upon my hands. Yet I composed two or three sermons and dedicated one of them in particular to my elder brother. One time I remember I was much pressed to self-examination and found myself very unwilling to look into my heart. Frequently I read the Bible when sitting up at night. Seeing the boys go by to school has often cut me to the heart. And a dear youth, now with God, would often come and treat me when serving at the bar to go to Oxford. My general answer was, I wish I could. After I had continued about a year in this servile employment, my mother was obliged to leave the inn. My brother, who had been bred up for the business married whereupon I was made over to him and I being accustomed to the house, It was agreed that I should continue there as an assistant, but God's thoughts were not as our thoughts. By His good providence it happened that my sister-in-law and I could by no means agree, and at length her resentment grew to such a height that my proud heart would scarce allow me to speak to her for three weeks together. But notwithstanding I was much to blame, yet I used to retire and weep before the Lord as Hagar when fleeing from her mistress Sarah. Little thinking that God by this means was forcing me out of the public business and calling me from drawing wine for drunkards to draw water out of the wells of salvation for the refreshment of a spiritual Israel. After continuing for a long while under this burden of mine, I at length resolved, thinking my absence would make all things easy, to go away. Accordingly, by the advice of my brothers and consent of my mother, I went to see my older brother, then settled at Bristol. Here God was pleased to give me great foretaste of his love and fill me with such unspeakable raptures, particularly once in St. John's Church, that I was carried beyond myself. I felt great hungerings and thirstings after the Blessed Sacrament and wrote many letters to my mother telling her how I would never go into the public employment again. Thomas Akimpas was my great delight. And I was always impatient till the bell rung to call me to tread the courts of the Lord's house. But in the midst of these illuminations something surely whispered, this will not last. And indeed so it happened, for oh, that I could write in tears of blood. When I left Bristol, as I did in about two months, and returned to Gloucester, I changed my devotion with my place. Alas, all my fervor went off. I had no inclination to go to church or draw an eye into God. In short, my heart, though I had so lately tasted of his love, was far from him. However, I had so much religion left as to persist in my resolution not to live in the end, and therefore my mother gave me leave, though she had but a little income to have a bed upon the ground and live at her house till Providence should point out a place for me, having now, as I thought, nothing to do. It was the proper season for Satan to tempt me. Much of my time I spent in reading plays and in sauntering from place to place. I was careful to adorn my body, but took little pains to deck and beautify my soul. Evil communication with my old school fellows soon corrupted my good manners. By seeing their evil practices, the sense of the divine presence I had vouchsafed unto me and sensibly wore off my mind. But God, whose gifts and callings are without repentance, would let nothing pluck me out of his hands, though I was continually doing despite to the Spirit of Grace. He saw me with pity and compassion when lying in my blood. He passed by me, he said unto me, Live, and even gave me some foresight of his providing for me. One morning as I was reading a play to my sister, I said, Sister, God intends something for me which we know not of. As I have been diligent in business, I believe many would gladly have me for an apprentice, but every way seems to be barred up, so that I think God will provide for me some way or other that we cannot apprehend. How I came to say these words I knew not. God afterwards showed me that they came from Him. Having thus lived with my mother for some considerable time, a young student who was once my school fellow, and then a servitor of Pembroke College, Oxford, came to pay my mother a visit. Amongst other conversations, he told her how he had discharged all college expenses that quarter and received a penny. Upon that, my mother immediately cried out, this will do for my son. Then turning to me, she said, will you go to Oxford, George? I replied, with all my heart. Whereupon, having the same friends that this young student had, my mother without delay waited on them. They promised their interest to get me a servitor's place in the same college. She then applied to my old master, who much approved my coming to school again. In about a week I went and re-entered myself, and being grown much in stature, my master addressed me thus. I see, George, you are advanced in stature, but your better part must needs have gone backwards. This made me blush. He set me something to translate in Latin, and though I had made no application of my classes for so long a time, yet I had but one inconsiderable fault in my exercises. This, I believe, somewhat surprised my master then, and has afforded me manner of thanks and praise ever since. Being resettled at school, I spared no pains to go forward in my book. God was pleased to give me His blessing, and I learned much faster than I did before. But at length I acquainted with such a set of debauched, abandoned, atheistical youths that if God by His free, unmerited, and special grace had not delivered me out of their hands, I should long since have sat in the scorner's chair and made a mock at sin. By keeping company with them my thoughts of religion grew more and more like theirs. I went to public service only to make sport and walk about. I took pleasure in their lewd conversation. I began to reason as they did and to ask why God had given me passions and not permitted me to gratify them. not considering that God did not originally give us these corrupt passions and that he had promised help to withstand them if we would ask it of him. In short, I soon made a great proficiency in the school of the devil. I affected to look rakish and was in a fair way of being as infamous as the worst of them. But, O stupendous love, God even here stopped me when running on in a full career to hell. For just as I was upon the brink of ruin, it gave me such a distaste of their principles and practices that I discovered them to my master, who soon put a stop to their proceedings. Being thus delivered out of the snare of the devil, I began to be more and more serious and felt God at different times working powerfully and convincingly on my soul. One day in particular, as I was coming downstairs and overheard my friend speaking well of me, God so deeply convicted me of hypocrisy that though I had formed frequent but ineffectual resolutions before, yet I have then power given me over my secret and darling sin, notwithstanding, some time after being overtaken in liquor, as I have been twice or thrice in my lifetime. Satan gained his usual advantage over me again, an experimental proof to my poor soul how that wicked one makes use of men as machines, working them up to just what he pleases, when by intemperance they have chased away the Spirit of God from them. Being now near the seventeenth year of my age, I was resolved to prepare myself for the Holy Sacrament, which I received on Christmas Day. I began now to be more and more watchful over my thoughts, words, and actions. I kept a following Lent, fasting Wednesday and Friday, thirty-six hours together. My evenings, when I'd done waiting upon my mother, were generally spent in acts of devotion, reading Drelen Court, Upon Death, and other practical books, and I constantly went to public worship twice a day. Being now upper boy by God's help, I made some reformation amongst my school fellows. I was very diligent in reading and learning the classics and in studying my Greek testament, but was not yet convinced of the absolute unlawfulness of playing at cards and of reading and seeing plays, though I had some scruples about it. Near this time I dreamed that I was to see God on Mount Sinai, but was afraid to meet Him. This made a great impression upon me, and a gentlewoman to whom I told it said, George, this is a call from God. Still I grew more serious after this dream, but yet hypocrisy crept into every action, and once I affected to look more rakish, I strove to appear more grave than I really was. However, an uncommon concern and alteration was visible in my behavior, and I often used to find fault with the lightness of others. One night, as I was going to an errand for my mother, an unaccountable but very strong impression was made upon my heart that I should preach quickly. When I came home, I innocently told my mother what had befallen me. But she, like Joseph's parents, when he told him his dream, turned short upon me, crying out, What does the boy mean? Prithee, hold thy tongue, or something to that purpose. God has hence shown her from whom that impression came. For 12 months I went on and around of duties, receiving the sacrament monthly, fasting frequently, attending constantly on public worship and praying often, more than twice a day in private. One of my brothers used to tell me he feared this would not hold long, and that I should forget all when I came to Oxford. This caution did me much service, for it set me upon praying for perseverance, and under God the preparation I made in the country was a preservative against the manifold temptations which beset me in my first coming to that seat of learning. Being now near eighteen years old, it was judged proper for me to go to the university. God had sweetly prepared my way. The friends before applied to recommend me to the master of Pembroke College. Another friend took up ten pounds upon bond, which I have since repaid, to defray the first expense of entering. And the master, contrary to all expectations, admitted me servitor immediately. Soon after my admission, I went and recited, and found my having been used to a public house was now a service to me, for many of the servitors being sick at my first coming up by my diligent and ready attendance. I ingratiated myself into the gentleman's favor so far that many, who had it in their power, chose me to be their servitor. This much lessened my expense, and indeed God was so gracious that, with the profits of my place and some little presents made me by my kind tutors, for almost a fur three years I did not put all my relations together to above twenty-four pounds expense. And it is often grieved my soul to see many young students spending their substance and extravagant living, and thereby entirely unfitting themselves for the prosecution of their proper studies. I had not long been at the university before I found the benefit of the foundation. I had laid in the country for a holy life. I was quickly solicited to join in their excess of ride with several who lay in the same room. God, in answer to prayers before put up, gave me grace to withstand them. And once in particular, it being cold, my limbs were so benumbed by sitting alone in my study because I would not go out amongst them that I could scarcely sleep all night. But I soon found the benefit of not yielding, for when they perceived they could not prevail, they let me alone as a singular odd fellow. All this while I was not fully satisfied of the scent of playing at cards and reading plays. Till God upon a fast day was pleased to convince me for taking a play to read a passage out of it to a friend. God struck my heart with such power that I was obliged to lay it down again. And blessed be His name, I have never read any such book since. Before I went to the university, I met with Mr. William Law, a serious call to a devout life. but did not then money to purchase it. Soon after my coming up to the university, seeing a small edition of it in a friend's hand, I soon procured it. God worked powerfully upon my soul, as he has since then upon many others by that and his other excellent treatises upon Christian perfection. I now began to pray and sing psalm thrice every day, besides morning and evening, and to fast every Friday and to receive the sacrament at a parish church. near a college, and at the castle where the despised Methodists used to receive it once a month. The young men so called were then much talked of at Oxford. I heard of and loved them before I came to the university, and so strenuously defended them when I heard them rivaled by the students. did they begin to think that I also in time should become one of them. For above a twelfth month my soul longed to be acquainted with some of them and I was strongly pressed to follow their good example when I saw them go through a ridiculing crowd to receive the Holy Eucharist at St. Mary's. At length God was pleased to open a door. It happened that a poor woman in one of the workhouses had attempted to cut her throat, but was happily prevented. Upon hearing of this, and knowing that both Mr. Wesleys were ready to every good work, I sent a poor-aged apple woman of our college to inform Mr. Charles Wesley of it. charging her not to discover who sent her. She went, but contrary to my orders, told my name. He haven't heard of my coming to the castle in a parish church sacrament, and haven't met me frequently walking by myself, followed the woman when she was gone away, and sent an invitation to me by her to come to breakfast with him the next morning. I thankfully embraced the opportunity, and blessed be God, it was one of the most profitable visits I ever made in my life. My soul at that time was a thirst for some spiritual friend to lift up my hands when they hung down, and to strengthen my feeble knees. He soon discovered it, and like a wise winner of souls, made all his discourses tend that way. And when he had put into my hand Professor Frank's treatise against the fear of man, and a book entitled The Country Parson's Advice to his Parishioners, the last of which was wonderfully blessed to my soul, I took my leave. In a short time he let me have another book, entitled The Life of God and the Soul of Man, by Henry Skrugel. And though I had fasted, washed, and prayed, and received a sacrament so long, yet I never knew what true religion was till God sent me that excellent treatise by the hands of my never-to-be-forgotten friend. In my first reading, I wondered what the author meant by saying, did some falsely place religion in going to church, doing hurt to no one, being constant in the duties of the closet to now and then reaching out their hands to give alms to their poor neighbors? Alas, thought I, if this be not religion, what is? God soon showed me, for in reading a few lines further, that true religion was the union of the soul with God, and Christ formed within us. A ray of divine light was instantaneously darted in upon my soul, and from that moment, but not till then, did I know that I must be a new creature. Upon this, like the woman of Samaria when Christ revealed himself to her at the well, I had no rest in my soul till I wrote letters to my relations telling them there was such a thing as a new birth. I imagined they would have gladly received it. But alas, my words seemed to them as idle tales. They thought that I was going beside myself, and by their letters confirmed me in the resolutions I had taken not to go down into the country, but continue where I was, lest that by any means the good work which God had begun in my soul might be made of none effect. From time to time Mr. Wesley permitted me to come to him and instructed me as I was able to bear it. By degrees he introduced me to the rest of his Christian brethren. They built me up daily in the knowledge and fear of God and taught me to endure hardness like a good soldier of Jesus Christ. I now began, like them, to live by rule and to pick up the very fragments of my time that not a moment of it might be lost. Whether I ate or drank, or whatever I did, I endeavored to do all to the glory of God, like them having a weekly sacrament, although the rubric required it at our own college. I received it every Sunday at Christ's church. I joined with him in keeping the stations for fasting Wednesday and Fridays, and left no means unused which I thought would lead me near to Jesus Christ. Regular retirement, morning and evening at first, I found some difficulty in submitting to, but it soon grew profitable and delightful. As I grew ripe for such exercises, I was from time to time engaged to visit the sick and the prisoners and to read to poor people till I made it a custom, as most of us did, to spend an hour every day in doing acts of charity. The course of my studies I soon entirely changed, whereas before I was busy in studying the dry sciences and books that went no further than the surface. I now resolved to read only such as entered into the heart of religion, and which led me directly to an experimental knowledge of Jesus Christ and Him crucified. The lively oracles of God were my soul's delight. The Book of the Divine Laws was seldom out of my hands. I meditated there in day and night, and ever since that, God has made my way signally prosperous and given me abundant success. God enabled me to do much good to many as well as to receive much from the despised Methodists. It made me instrumental in converting one who has lately come out into the church, and I trust will prove a burning and a shining light. Several short fits of illness was God pleased to visit and to try me with after my first acquaintance with Mr. Wesley. My new convert was a helpmate for me in those and in all other circumstances, and in company with them and several other Christian friends did I spend many sweet and delightful hours. Never did persons, I believe, strive more earnestly to enter in at the straight gate. They kept their bodies under, even to an extreme. They were dead to the world, and willing to be accounted as the dong and offscouring of all things, so that they might win Christ. Their hearts glowed with the love of God, and they never prospered so much in the inward man as when they had all manner of evil spoken against them falsely without. Many came amongst them for a while, who in time of temptation fell away. The displeasure of a tutor or head of a college, the changing of a gown from a lower to a higher degree, above all the thirst for the praise of men more than that which comes from God, And as their vile fear of contempt caused numbers to set their hands to the plow, shamefully to look back, the world, if not themselves, gave them the title of Methodists. I suppose from their custom of regulating their time and planning the business of the day every morning. Mr. John and Charles Wesley were two of the first that thus openly dared to confess Christ, and they, under God, were the spiritual fathers of most of them. They had the pleasure of seeing the work of the Lord prosper in their hands before they went to Georgia. Since their return, the small grain of mustard seed has sprung up apace. It has taken deep root. It has grown into a great tree. Ere long I trust it will fill the whole land, and numbers of souls will come from the east and from the west, from the north and from the south, and lodge under the branches of it. But, to return, whilst I was thus comforted on every side by daily conversing with so many Christian friends, God was pleased to permit Satan to sift me like wheat. A general account of which I shall, by the divine assistance, give in the following section. Section 2. A Brief and Summary Account of My Temptations. At my first setting out, in compassion to my weakness, I grew in favor both with God and man, and used to be much lifted up with sensible devotion, especially at the Blessed Sacrament. But when religion began to take root in my heart, and I was fully convinced that my soul must be totally renewed ere it could see God, I was visited with outward and inward trials. The first thing I was called to give up for God was what the world calls my fair reputation. I had no sooner received a sacrament publicly on a weekday in St. Mary's, but I was set up as a mark for all the polite students that knew me to shoot at. By this they knew that I was a convinced Methodist. For though there is a sacrament at the beginning of every term, and which all, especially the seniors, are by statute obliged to be present, Yet so dreadfully is that once faithful city played the harlot that very few masters and no undergraduates but the Methodists attend upon it. Mr. Charles Wesley, whom I must always mention with the greatest deference and respect, walked with me from the church even to the college. I confess to my shame I would gladly have excused him in the next day going to his room, one of our fellows passing by. I was ashamed to be seen to knock at his door, but, blessed be God, this fear of man gradually wore off. His head imitated Nicodemus and his cowardice, so by the divine assistance I followed him and his courage. I confessed to Methodists more and more publicly every day. I walked openly with them and chose rather to bear contempt with those people of God than to enjoy the applause of almost Christians for a season. Soon after this I incurred the displeasure of the master of the college who frequently chided me, and once threatened to expel me if ever I visited the poor again. Being surprised by this treatment, and overawed by his authority, I spake unadvisedly with my lips and said, if it displeased him, I would not. My conscience soon pricked me for this sinful compliance. I immediately repented and visited the poor the first opportunity and told my companions, if ever I was called to a stake for Christ's sake, I would serve my tongue as Archbishop Cranmer served his hand, namely, make my tongue burn first. My tutor, being a moderate man, did not oppose me much, but thought, I believe, that I went a little too far. He lent me books, gave me money, visited me, and furnished me with a physician when sick. In short, he behaved in all respects like a father, and I trust God will remember him for good and answer to the many prayers I have put up in his behalf. My relations were quickly alarmed at the alteration of my behavior, conceived strong prejudices against me, and for some time counted my life madness. I daily underwent some contempt at college. Some hath thrown dirt at me. Others, by degrees, took away their pay from me. And two friends that were dear unto me grew shy of and forsook me when they saw me resolve to deny myself, take up my cross daily, and follow Jesus Christ. But our Lord, by His Spirit, soon convinced me that I must know no one after the flesh. And I soon found that promise literally fulfilled, that no one is left father or mother, brethren or sisters, houses or lands, for Christ's sake, in the Gospels. But he shall receive a hundredfold in this life, with persecution as well as eternal life in the world to come. These, though little, were useful trials. They inured me to contempt, lessened self-love, and taught me to die daily. My inward suffering is worth a more uncommon nature. Satan seemed to have desired me in particular, to sift me as wheat. God permitted him for wise reasons I have seen already, namely that his future blessings might not prove my ruin. From my first awakening to the divine life, I felt a particular hungering and thirsting after the humility of Jesus Christ. Night and day I prayed to be a partaker of that grace, imagining the habit of humility would be instantaneously infused into my soul. But as Gideon taught to men of Succoth with thorns of God, if I am yet in any measure blessed with poverty of spirit, caught at me by the exercise of true, strong temptations. I observed before how I used to be favored with sensible devotion. Those comforts were soon withdrawn, and the horrible fearfulness and dread permitted to overwhelm my soul. One morning, in particular, rising from my bed, I felt an unusual weight and impression upon my breast attended with inward darkness. I applied to my friend Mr. Charles Wesley. He advised me to keep up on my watch and referred me to a chapter in Thomas Aquinas's Life of Christ. In a short time I perceived this load gradually increase till it almost weighed me down and fully convinced me that Satan had his real possession of and power given over my body. As he had once over Job's, all power of meditating or even thinking was taken from me. My memory quite failed me. My whole soul was barren and dry, and I could fancy myself to be like nothing so much as a man locked up in iron armor. Whenever I kneeled down, I felt great heavings in my body and have often prayed under the weight of them till the sweat came through me. At this time Satan used to terrify me much and threatened to punish me if I discovered his wiles. It'd be in my duty, as servitor, in my turn, to knock at the gentlemen's rooms by ten at night, to see who were in their rooms. I thought the devil would appear to me every stair I went up, and so he troubled me when I lay down to rest. If for some weeks I could scarcely sleep above three hours at a time, God only knows how many nights I have lain upon my bed groaning under the weight I felt and bidding Satan depart from me in the name of Jesus. Whole days and weeks have I spent in lying prostrate on the ground and begging freedom from those proud hellish thoughts that used to crowd in upon and distract my soul. But God made Satan drive out Satan. The thoughts and suggestions created such a self-abhorrence within me that I never ceased wrestling with God till he blessed me with a victory over them. Self-love, self-will, pride, and envy buffeted me in their turns that I was resolved either to die or to conquer. I wanted to see sin as it was, but feared at the same time lest the sight of it should terrify me to death. Whilst my inward man with us exercised, my outward man was not unemployed. I soon found what a slave I had been to my sensual appetite, and now resolved to get the mastery over it by the help of Jesus Christ. Accordingly, by degrees, I began to leave off eating fruits and such like, and gave the money I usually spent in that way to the poor. Afterwards, I always chose the worst sort of food, though my place furnished me with variety. I fasted twice a week. My apparel was mean. I thought it unbecoming of penitent to have his hair powdered. I wore woolen gloves, a patched gown, and dirty shoes, and though I was then convinced that the kingdom of God did not consist in meats and drinks, yet I resolutely persisted in these voluntary acts of self-denial because I found them great promoters of the spiritual life. For many months I went on in this state, faint, yet pursuing, and traveling alone in the dark in hope that the star I'd before once seen would hereafter appear again. During the season I was very active, but finding pride creeping in at the end of almost every thought, word, and action, and coming across Castanets' spiritual combat in which he says that he who is employed to mortifying his will was as well employed as though he was converting Indians, or words to that effect. Satan so imposed upon my understanding that he persuaded me to shut up myself and my study till I could do good with a single eye, lest, in endeavoring to save others as I did now, I should, alas, by pride and self-complacence, lose myself. Henceforward he transformed himself into an angel of light and worked so artfully that I imagined the good and not the evil spirit suggested to me everything that I did. His main drift was to lead me into a state of quietism. He generally plowed with God's heifer, and when the Holy Spirit put into my heart good thoughts or convictions, he always drove them to extremes. For example, having out of pride put down in my diary what I gave away, Satan tempted me to lay my diary quite aside. When cast in its advice to talk but little, Satan said, I must not talk at all, so that I, who used to be the most forward in exhorting my companions, have sat whole nights almost without speaking at all. Again, when Cost and Eats advised to endeavor after a silent recollection and waiting upon God, Satan told me I must leave off all forms of prayer and not use my voice in prayer at all. The time would fail me to recount all the instances of this kind in which he deceived me. But when manners came to an extreme, God always showed me my error and by His Spirit pointed out a way for me to escape. The devil also sadly imposed upon me in a manner of my college exercises. Whenever I endeavored to compose my theme, I had no power to write a word, nor so much as to tell my Christian friends of my inability to do it. Saturday being calm, which is the day the students give up their compositions, it was suggested to me that I must go down into the hall, and I confess could not make a theme and so publicly suffer, as if it were for my master's sake, when the bell rung to call us. I went to open the door to go downstairs, but feeling something give me a violent inward check. I entered my study and continued instant in prayer awaiting the event. To this my tutor fined me half a crown. The next week Satan served me in like manner, but having now got more strength and perceiving no inward check, I went into the hall. My name being called, I stood up and told my tutor I could not make a theme. I think he fined me a second time, but imagining that I would not willingly neglect my exercise, he afterwards called me into the common room and kindly inquired whether any misfortune had befallen me. Or what was the reason I could not make a theme? I burst into tears and assured him it was not out of contempt of authority, but that I could not act otherwise. And in length he said he believed I could not. And when he left me, he told a friend, as he was very well might, that he took me to be really mad. This friend, hearing from my tutor what had happened, came to me urging the command in Scripture to be subject to the higher powers. I answered, yes, but I had a new revelation. Lord, what is man? As I daily got strength, I continued, though almost silent prayer in my study, my temptations grew stronger also, particularly for two or three days before deliverance came. There are five or six weeks I had now spent in my study except when I was obliged to go out. During this time I was fighting with my corruptions and did little else besides kneeling down my bedside, feeling as it were a heavy pressure upon my body as well as an unspeakable oppression of mind, yet offering up my soul to God to do with me as it pleased Him. It was now suggested to me that Jesus Christ was among the wild beasts when he was tempted, and that I ought to follow his example, and be in willingness, I thought, to imitate Jesus Christ. After supper I went into Christ's church walk near a college, and continued in silent prayer under one of the trees for near two hours, sometimes kneeling upon my knees, all the while filled with fear and concern lest some of my brethren should be overwhelmed with pride. The night being stormy, it gave me awful thoughts of the Day of Judgment. I continued, I think, till the great bell rung for retirement to the college, not without finding some reluctance in the natural man against staying so long in the cold. The next night I repeated the same exercise at the same place. But the hour of extremity being now come, God was pleased to make an open show of these diabolical devices by which I had been deceived. By this time I'd left off keeping my diary, using my forms or scarce my voice in prayer, visiting the prisoners and so on. Nothing remained for me to leave unless I forsook public worship by my religious friends. Now the idea was suggested to me that I must leave them also for Christ's sake. Death was a sore trial. But rather than not be, as I fancied, Christ's disciple, I resolved to renounce them, though as dear to me as my own soul. Accordingly, the next day, being Wednesday, whereon we kept one of our weekly fasts, instead of meeting with my brethren as usual, I went out into the fields and prayed silently by myself. Our evening meeting I neglected also and went not to breakfast according to appointment with Charles Wesley the day following. This, with many other concurring circumstances, made my honored friend Mr. Charles Wesley suspect something more than ordinary was the matter. He came to my room, soon found out my case, apprised me of my danger if I would not take advice, And recommend me to his brother John, fellow of Lincoln College, is more experienced in the spiritual life. God gave me, blessed be his holy name, a teachable temper. I waited upon his brother with whom from that time I had the honor of growing intimate. He advised me to resume all my external, so not to depend upon him in the least. From time to time he gave me directions as my various and pitiable state required in a length, to buy his excellent advice and management of me under God. I was delivered from those wiles of Satan. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me praise his holy name. During this and all other seasons of temptation, my soul was inwardly supported with great courage and resolution from above. Every day God made me willing to renew the combat. And though my soul, when quite empty of God, was very prone to seek satisfaction in the creature, And sometimes I fell into sensuality, yet I was generally enabled to wait in silence for the salvation of God, and to persist in prayer till some beams of spiritual light and comfort were vouchsafed me from on high. Thomas Akempah, since translated and published by Mr. John Wesley, Kastanitsa's combat in the Greek Testament, every reading of which I endeavored to turn into a prayer, were of great help and furtherance to me. On receiving the Holy Sacrament, especially before trials, I have found grace in a very affecting manner and in an abundant measure, sometimes imparted to my soul. An irrefragable proof to me of the miserable delusion of the author of that call, the plain account of the sacrament, which sinks that holy ordinance into a bare memorial. But if he obstinately refused the instruction of the Most High, well, doubtless, without repentance, bear his punishment, whosoever he be, but to proceed. And now taking up my externals again, and though Satan for some weeks had been biting my heel, God was pleased to show me that I soon should bruise his head. A few days after, as I was walking along, I met with a poor woman whose husband was in a poor cartel of Oxford town jail, which I constantly visited. Seeing her much discomposed, I inquired the cause. She told me not being able to hear the crying of her children, ready to perish with hunger and have nothing to relieve them. She had been to drown herself and was mercifully prevented and said she was coming to my room to inform me of it. I gave her some immediate relief and desired her to meet me at the prison with her husband in the afternoon. She came. And there God visited them both with His free grace. She was powerfully quickened from above. And when I had done reading, it came to me like the trembling jailer in grasping my hand cried out, I am on the brink of hell. From this time forward, both of them grew in grace. God, by His providence, soon delivered him from his confinement. Though notorious offenders against God and one another before, yet now they became helpmes for each other in the great work of their salvation. Dear both, now living in a trustful be my joy and crown of rejoicing in the great day of our Lord Jesus. Soon after this, the holy season of Lent came on, which our friends kept very strictly, eating no flesh during the six weeks except on Saturdays and Sundays. I abstained frequently on Saturdays also and ate nothing on the other days, except on Sabbath. I ate sage tea without sugar and coarse bread. I constantly walked out in the cold mornings till part of one of my hands was quite black. This, with my continued abstinence and inward conflicts, at length so emaciated my body that it passion-weak. Finding I could scarce creep upstairs, I was obliged to inform my kind tutor of my condition, who immediately sent for a physician to me. This caused no small triumph amongst the collegians who began to cry out. What has this fasting come to now? But I rejoiced in this reproach, knowing that though I had been impudent and lost much of my flesh, yet I had nevertheless increased in the spirit. This fit of sickness continued upon me for seven weeks, and a glorious visitation it was. The Blessed Spirit was all this time purifying my soul. All of my former gross and notorious, and even my heart's sins also, were now set home upon me, of which I wrote down some remembrance immediately and confessed them before God morning and evening the whole week. I often spent two hours in my evening retirements and prayed over my Greek testament and Bishop Joseph Saul's most excellent contemplations every hour that my health would permit. About the end of the seven weeks, and after I'd been groaning under an unspeakable pressure about the body and mind for above twelve months, God was pleased to set me free in the following manner. One day, perceiving an uncommon drought and a disagreeable clamminess in my mouth, and using things to allay my thirst, but in vain, it was suggested to me that when Jesus cried out, I thirst, his sufferings were near an end. upon which I cast myself down on the bed, crying out, I thirst, I thirst. Soon after this, I found and felt in myself that I was delivered from the burden that had so heavily oppressed me. This spirit of mourning was taken from me, and I knew what it was truly to rejoice in God my Savior, and for some time could not avoid singing psalms wherever I was. But my joy gradually became more settled, and blessed be God, his abode an increase in my soul, saving a few casual intermissions ever since. Thus were the days of my mourning ended. After a long night of desertion and temptation, a star which I had seen at a distance before began to appear again, and the day star arose in my heart. Now did the Spirit of God take possession of my soul and, as I humbly hope, seal me into the day of redemption.