Solomon. Solomon. Good King James Bible. Solomon chapter number 5. We'll read the whole chapter and we'll get into the message. After I get plugged in. Verse number 1 is where we're going to start at. It says, I am coming to my garden, my sister, my spouse. I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey. I have drunk my wine with my milk. Eat, O friends, drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved. Verse 2, I sleep, but my heart waketh. It is the voice of my beloved that knocketh saying open to me my sister my love my dove my undefiled my head is filled with dew and my locks with the drops of the night i have put my coat i have put off my coat how shall i put it on i have washed my feet How shall I defile them? My beloved put his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him. I rose up to open to my beloved, and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers were sweet-smelling myrrh upon the handles of the lock. I opened to my beloved, but my beloved had withdrawn himself and was gone. My soul felled when he spake. I sought him, but I could not find him. I called him, but he gave me no answer. The watchmen that went about the city found me. They smoked me. They wounded me. The keepers of the walls took away my veil from me. I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem, if you find my beloved, that you tell him that I am sick of love. What is thy beloved more than another beloved? O thou fairest among women, what is thy beloved more than another beloved, that thou dost so charge us? Verse ten, My beloved is white and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand. His head is of the most fine gold, his locks are bushy and black as a raven. His eyes are the eyes of doves by the rivers of waters, washed with milk and fitly set. His cheeks are as a bed of spices and sweet flowers, his lips like lilies, dropping sweet-smelling myrrh. His hands are as gold rings set with beryl, his belly is bright ivory overlaid with sapphires. His legs are as pillars of marble set upon sockets of fine gold. His countenance is as Lebanon, excellent as the cedars. His mouth is most sweet. Yea, he is altogether lovely. This is my beloved and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. This time I'm going to go to the Lord in prayer, but when I get back we're going to talk about some of these verses here. And I want to preach a message tonight entitled, Is this really who God wants me to marry? Is this really who God wants me to marry? Dear Lord, as we come to you tonight, God, we just thank you, Lord, for all that you've done for us. And I pray, God, as we go into this message tonight, God, that I pray, God, opened up my heart and my eyes, dear God, that I could preach, thus saith the Lord, to cry aloud and despair not tonight, dear God. And I pray God you just help me get the point across to these kids that they need to be real cautious about who they marry. They need to be real concerned about who they marry and better seek the will of God for their mate for the rest of their life. And I pray God you just help us all just to be better Christians and do more for you. It's in Jesus' name I pray. Amen. You come to chapter number five and really the whole book of Song of Solomon So many times we want to preach it and we want to take and have a type of Jesus Christ in the church. And that's perfectly alright. You can type it all day long and it's not going to degrade the Bible one bit in that setting. But if you look at the actual context that is written here, it's written by Solomon as a love note to his spouse. And I believe with all my heart that as we look at this tonight, and we're going to be preaching to the kids, I believe in this chapter and this one chapter alone, even if you take the book of Ephesians, and you take that and you kind of push that to the side tonight, where it talks about the husband's supposed to love his wife as a church, as God loved the church and He gave Himself for it, even if you take that part and just put it to the side tonight, and you just look at this one chapter, In the Old Testament, you can find out, kids, how in the person that you are supposed to marry. I promise you this one thing, boys, that some of you may be called to preach. I don't know if you will, but some of you might be called to preach. And the spouse that you choose for yourself can make or it can break your ministry. It's that plain and simple. Girls, for the guys that you marry, I promise you this, that you can make or you can break your husband's ministry. It's that simple. This is something I have tired. sick and tired of hearing kids and hearing adults get to the place and they enter into a marriage and they're already looking for a way out. They just want out. I mean, they say, okay, I can find a way out. And if there's anything that I think that we're failing in churches today, it's the simple fact that we're not taking the duty to teach these kids that they ought to be very cautious about who they marry. It's that simple. Hey, guys, if she ain't somebody that I would marry, if she ain't somebody that I could see spending the rest of my life with, I wouldn't have anything to do with her from the get-go. It's that plain and it's that simple. Girls, hey, if he ain't the guy and he doesn't meet the qualifications that I have for him, hey, guess what? I'm not even going to give him the time of day. When he knocks on my door, I'll tell him, you are not what I'm looking for. Get on down the road. I don't want anything to do with you. because we find out here and we're going to look at it that I've got a kind of a checklist and guys and you go through this checklist with me tonight and and I want you to think as we're going through is this the girl that God really wants me to marry and I don't know if you knew even the thing you have he's dating or anything I'm just preaching I am kind of trying to be a little proactive because a lot of times we get to the place we're a little retroactive we want to fix it after it's messed up. Hey, bless God we need to fix it before it even gets messed up. Just go ahead. Hey, get the will of God settled in your life. Hey, get that. Hey, get the will of God settled before you ever meet the girl. And then let the girl line up with the will of God for your life because I promise you, son, hey, that that girl will make or break you as a man. It's that plain and it's that simple. She will help you or she will hinder you. That's the reason why God does call her the help me. There is a point for that, that he calls her the helpmate. And girls, hey, you need to strive to be the best that you can to be the helpmate for your husband. Hey, but the boys, hey, you've got to understand that you've got to treat her like a lady and not somebody that don't mean anything to you. See, what I'm trying to get at is that, hey, boys, if you want to have a good relationship with a wife one day, guess what? Hey, you've got to treat her like a lady, and you've got to treat her like somebody that's special to you. Same thing goes for the girls. You can't expect your husband, when you say jump, he'll say, how high? And when you tell him that, you beat him down for doing something that he's done stupid and wrong. He ain't going to jump how high when you tell him. Man, you're dumb. He won't do it. So we come to Song of Solomon, chapter number 5, and we're looking, and the first thing that I want to look at, the first thing that I want to point out to the girls, now we're going to go through the girls' checklist first. The first thing that I want the girls to have on their checklist is verse number 1. It says, I am come into my garden. My sister, my spouse, I have gathered my myrrh. and my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey. I have drunk my wine with my milk. Eat, O friends. Drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved." Do you see how many times that he refers to my garden and to my honey and to my wine? He had something that he could provide for himself, a garden. If he ain't got a job, I promise you, Don't, and he's a lazy, if he won't work, hey, you ain't got no business hanging out with him. I mean, if he don't want to work now before he gets married, I promise you, he won't work ten years down the road after he's been married. It's that simple. Hey, I promise you this, hey, it is the Word of God that the man is supposed to provide for his household, and if he doesn't provide for his house, the Bible says that he is worse. And if he does not have a job, I promise you, not that he can't find one, don't misunderstand me. I'm talking about boys that just plain out are lazy and all they want to do is sleep 24-7. Just lazy guys. Run from him. If he can't provide for himself, I promise you, he will not be able to provide for you and for your kids. If he's so lazy now that he won't go out and work for himself to buy the stuff that he wants, he sure ain't gonna buy you the things that you want. He won't do it. If he's too lazy now, he won't work and get himself a garden. Look, I think about this, I think so many times that I see guys, there's a guy at work that just got married, and I watched him as he was getting married, and it was so in line with the Word of God that I just had to salute him. I mean, the man went out and he got him a full-time job. Hey, the man went out and he got him an apartment. Hey, he moved out of Mama and Daddy's house. If he ain't man enough to get out of Mama and Daddy's house, don't hang out with him. I mean, look, he says my garden. He had something to give his bride. So you need to put a checklist. Hey, is he going to provide for me and my children? Because I promise you it's going to be a sad day when you wake up 15 years into a marriage and you're sitting there broke and all get out and your kids ain't got nothing to eat and you ain't got nothing to eat. And all he wants to spend his money on is a stinking lottery. And all he wants to spend his money on is the beer and the alcohol and the cigarettes and all that other junk. And you're sitting at home thinking, my goodness, it would be good to have something for me to fix these kids. Find somebody. When you start looking for that person that you're wanting to marry, before you even date and find out, man, have you got a job? Will you work? I'm just trying to help you tonight. I'm trying to get the kids to understand that they need somebody that's going to provide for them and take care of them. It's the man's responsibility to provide for him and his family. And if he won't do it before he gets married, he will not do it 15 years into it. He won't do it. Even if he ain't got a job and you tell him, you tell him, look, you got to have a job before I'll even think about dating you. There's some guys that are so lazy that says, OK, don't date me. I don't want a job. Run from him. Get away from him. I'm telling you, it is a long and miserable life when you've got somebody that won't provide for his family. It will make you miserable. You want to slap him, after you get down, it'll make you, I mean, ten times want to slap him even more, because I promise you there's going to be times that you're going to want to slap him. It's that simple. I asked my wife, she wants to slap me every day. I mean, I get so wrapped up in vehicles, man, I'd love to have a 56 or 55 Chevrolet, and I get so wrapped up in vehicles that it's just redundant over and over. That's all she hears is, I want a car, I want a car. I promise you that it's going to be bad enough even when you're in the will of God. Don't enter into the marriage out of the will of God because it's going to be just terrible. You need to find out in verse number one where it says, My garden, my myrrh, if he ain't got stuff for himself, I promise you, you ain't going to have nothing that you want. It's that simple, folks. Being proactive. If he ain't got a job, Miss Ashley, kick him down the road and say, find another girl. I mean, I'm just being honest, folks. Next thing on your checklist that I think about is in verse number 1 and verse number 2, still on the my thing, it says, My sister, my spouse, O beloved. And it says in verse number 2, the last part of it says, Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled. For my head is filled with dew and my locks with the drops of that. How many times does he refer to her there? He doesn't call her my old lady. See, not only do you need to find somebody that has got a job that's going to provide for you. You need to find somebody that's going to recognize you for who you are. There is a reason and there is a point that God gave Adam, Eve, out of his sight. There's a point for that. He didn't get it out of the backbone because the lady's not supposed to be behind the man. He didn't put it in front of him because the lady's not supposed to be in front of the woman. He got it out of the rib of the man. for the lady to be on the side of the man helping that man and I promise you if he can't get you to a place and you can't see where he recognizes you for who you are now hey when it's 15 years into the marriage he ain't going to recognize you for who you are then he's going to run all over you he's going to trash you he's going to trample all over you he's going to take advantage of you and if he won't take to the time now before you I mean you got to think about it guys Guys get to the place where, Josh, you can help me on this. Guys get to the place where guys can talk to a woman. And guys can make women believe just about anything. Women are just that. They go on what they hear. I mean, you think about it, you want to please your wife, you come here, man, your hair is so beautiful. Everything about you is just absolutely, is perfect. And I'm telling you, your lady and your wife will fall in love with you because of the things that she hears. And if he won't tell you the things now that you're beautiful, and he won't tell you now that you're pretty, and he won't tell you now that you're precious to him, hey, 15 years into a marriage, he's not going to do it then either. All he's going to do is take advantage of you and kick you down the road and say, look, you go get your own job and provide. I ain't doing it. That's exactly what he's going to do. He is trying his best to win you. He is trying his best to get you to fall in love with him. That's the way he puts his best foot forward. And if he ain't doing the best foot forward before you get married, when you get into it, he's going to be putting all four feet backwards and everything else, trying to get you to understand that it ain't happening, lady. It just ain't happening. So if he won't recognize you for being a lady now, He ain't going to recognize you for being a lady in the future. And that's something I promise you. I do believe with all my heart that my wife wants to be treated like a lady and not a woman. There's a big difference between a woman and a lady. And if he won't take the time out now to sit down beside you and talk to you and recognize you for who you are now when he's trying to win you, when it gets into the marriage, he ain't going to do it then. When me and my wife was dating, it was every time we got in the car, dude, I was over there and I was opening the door for her. Every time I was opening the door for her. Now she might get it once a month. My fault, I understand. I take the blame. Forgive me, Lord. But the fact is, is that I tried my best to recognize her as the one that I loved and the one that I was trying to win. The one that God put in my life to try to get to win. The one that I had put everything out on the line to try to get her to like me. That person was who I was trying to impress and if he's not doing that now, I promise you, he ain't gonna do it then. So you've got a checklist you've got to find somebody that can provide. You've got to find somebody that will recognize you for who you are. In verse number five, look at verse number five, it says, I rose up to open to my beloved, and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh upon the handles of the lock. So what we've got going on here is Solomon walks up to the door, Solomon goes in the door, and there's a hole there and he puts his hand, remember he got the myrrh and the good smelling stuff and he got all that and he reached inside the door and he put his hand on the inside of the door and he got the smell of him. I mean that guy had dressed up, if he's not dressing to impress now, I promise you, if he won't dress up now to get your attention, When you go out to Walmart, he's going to be wearing a holey t-shirt and socks with holes in them and pants with holes in them. If he ain't going to dress up now to get your attention, hey, when you get into the marriage, you're going to be ashamed to go anywhere with him. I mean, this guy, he took the time. Look, I believe with all my heart that he took the time to go into the garden to get the sweetest smelling myrrh, to go into the garden to get the best things that he could find. I mean, maybe even a smell that he knew that he just, that she just loved. I mean, something that he knew that just drove this girl insane. I believe that's what he went into the garden and he found everything in that garden that she absolutely loved, that she absolutely cared about. And that's what he put all over himself. That's what he dressed himself up with. And if he won't do that now, I'm sorry. When he gets into the marriage, he ain't gonna do it then. So you've got to find somebody that's going to provide. You're going to have to find somebody that's going to recognize you for who you are. I believe with all the things that I'm going to name for the girls tonight, that one probably sticks out to me more than anything else. I honestly cannot stand a man that talks about his woman like she's trash. I hate it. I promise you I hate it. And if I could, I'd call him out in front of the church every time I got a chance, because it gets on my nerves. That is not somebody to talk down to. That's your helpmate. And that's your wife. That's your love. And what would it be like if the man is supposed to love the wife as God loved the church and gave Himself? What would it be like if God, every time He got a chance, pushed us down? That's what a lot of guys do these days in time. So you've got to find somebody that's going to take care of you, somebody that's going to recognize you for who you are, somebody that dresses to impress. Verse number six, this is a good one. Guys, you better listen up on this one. Verse number six says, I opened to my beloved, but my beloved had withdrawn himself and was gone. So understanding what's taking place here is this guy comes to Solomon and he walks up to the door. He knocks on the door. She didn't answer. He puts his hand on the inside, gets everything smelling good. She still won't answer. So he leaves. Sounds kind of strange. But he did her a favor. He'd done this girl a favor. He was a gentleman. He did not push himself on that girl. So Miss Ailey, you get to the place. I don't know when you're going to start dating. I have no idea. I know that you've got some guys lined up, which we'll get there in a second. I know that you've got some guys lined up, but you understand this. If he's not going to take the time and he's going to be pushy when you are dating him, hey, kick him down the road and tell him to find somebody else to push around. Hey, find somebody else that you can go and you can boss around. Hey, this man was a gentleman. If he can't be a gentleman to you when you are dating, I promise you, I promise you, I promise you, hey, life is going to be miserable because he'll never be a gentleman to you. Is this really who God wants me to marry? If he ain't a gentleman to you, I don't think so. I really don't think so. This man, he could have, I mean this is the king you're talking about. He could have had people knock the door down and go in. He's the king, he can do what he wants to. God works the same way. God is king and he can do what he wants to. He could knock the door down and force himself upon you, but he's a gentleman and he don't do it. Solomon, being a type of Christ, does the same exact thing. He did not push. And that's something that you have got to find out while you're dating you, how honest to goodness you've got to find that man out and find out for sure that he's not going to push you. Because if he winds up pushing you now, the pushing will just get worse, and it will get worse, and it will get worse, and worse, and you'll find yourself doing things that you would have not done. Might not be the first date, no. And it might not be 15 dicks down the road. But slowly, you watch some of these jerks. They start sweet-talking left and right. They start doing all this stuff. And before you know it, hey, the part up there we'll get to in a second about the being undefiled, hey, you'll find yourself defiled because he pushed and was not a gentleman. I promise you, you better listen to me. If he's not a gentleman now, hey, you better push him down the road and say, get out of here, jerk. I don't want anything to do with you. Just go on. Get out. So he was a gentleman. The last thing for the girls I think that y'all need to have on your list, and this one's a good one too, is down in verse number 16. It says, His mouth is most sweet, yea, He is altogether lovely. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. You go back up and you look in verse number 10, and it takes her, Six verses, seven verses to describe the way this man looked. And she's got it down to a T. She knows how he looks. But she says the most when she says these four words. This is my friend. If he won't be her friend now, I promise you that when you're 10 years into a marriage, he still will not be your friend. Hey, unless God gets a hold of his heart, unless God gets a hold of his life, I promise you that he will always be an enemy to you. He will always be against you. There's some people you'll notice, you'll watch them in their marriage, and it seems like the guy is always pushing that lady down. It seems like that guy is always pushing her behind him. Every time he talks about her, he degrades her. Every time she has, we was at the hospital the other night and I could not believe my eyes what this guy was doing. He had a lady sitting in there, they was concerned about their family and that lady was sitting there and she was talking about whoever was in the hospital and every time she had opened her mouth, her husband said, shh, be quiet. Be quiet. Hey, that is not your friend. Hey, somebody that will not let you have an opinion and have some sort of a say-so, hey, that is not your friend. Hey, that's somebody that you don't need to have anything in this world to do with. Hey, you think about this. How long many verses it took her to describe the way she looked? And catch, remember this, guys. Hey, the more, the longer it took her to say how he looked, hey, she summed the whole relationship up in four words. This is my friend. You want to win the girl's heart, hey, be her friend before her boyfriend. You want to win the girl's heart? Hey, before you ever put the ring on her finger, you tell her, I want to be your friend. Get to know that girl. Understand that girl. Hey, learn that girl. Find out what she likes. Hey, you would be surprised, guys, to find out. If I was to take a poll tonight, And I wanted to say, all right, all the guys that is married, stand up and tell me your wife's favorite color. And they stood up and they come up here and they wrote their wife's favorite color down. And I thought, guys, go sit down. Then the girls come up, y'all write y'all's favorite color down. You would be surprised at how many guys got wrong their wife's favorite color. Because they don't know their wives. If something that you've got to do before you put the ring on her finger, hey, before you ever take her out on a date, and before you ever talk about having children with that girl, hey, you need to be her friend first. It's that simple. Ms. Ashley, you've got to find somebody that's going to be a prayer partner with you. Somebody that when the day gets long, somebody that when the times get rough, when the checkbook just doesn't balance out, hey, somebody you can take that checkbook to. Hey, and sit down and go over that checkbook with that friend, instead of the big argument breaking out about finances, instead of the big argument breaking out, it's your fault or no, it's your fault. Hey, you need to have somebody that you can take it to and sit down, and their friendship takes over more than the marriage does, and they can work their problems out on a one-on-one basis. without having to go to counseling or anything like that. Try to be proactive, folks. You need to find somebody that's your friend before they're your boyfriend. It's that simple. You've got to find somebody that's going to provide for you. Guys, don't be lazy. Don't be lazy. Treat the lady as a lady. While I'm on the girls part, let me mention this. This is something that I thought I had wrote down to say at the start of the message, but I didn't. Since I'm on the girls, we'll go ahead and get it. It is never right, never right for the girl to chase the guy. It is not right for the girl to chase the guy. I can prove it by Bible that it's not right for the girl to chase the guy. Abraham sent a servant to go get Rebekah to bring back to the guy, to Isaac. Yes. She didn't chase after him. She waited until he got there. Let's go somewhere else. What about Mr. Hosea? That good old minor prophet? He went and got Gomer and bought her out and brought him to her. You say, preacher, that's Old Testament. It's all right for me to chase him. I like him a lot. He carries a good King James Bible. He's a preacher. Don't mean that's the one God's got for you. Gosh, she may wear a skirt, but it might not be the girl that God's got for you. She might can pray the house in, but that don't mean that's the one God's got for you. What I'm trying to get at is, It's not right for the girl to chase the guy. Abraham, Isaac, and Rebekah. Hosea and Gomer. New Testament, Jesus and the church. He is coming back to get us, right? We're not going to get Him. He's coming back to get us. It is biblical for you to wait for the guy to come get you. That will make a guy run from you chasing him. It'll make him tuck tail and run a hundred miles an hour the other way, because he don't want a lady like that. He don't want a girl like that. Guys, before you get all arrogant and say, I get to choose the girl. Let me let this in on you. It was Abraham who sent the servant to go get the girl. It was God who told Hosea which girl to get. And if I'm not mistaken, it is God that puts conviction in our heart that brings us to the point of salvation that Jesus, the Son, can come back and get us. So before you get all arrogant and say, I get to choose the girl, she ain't got nothing to do with it, God will direct who you're supposed to get. God will put somebody in your heart. And when He puts that person and that girl in your heart, I believe without a shadow of a doubt that there will be a deep, settled peace about that girl. And you'll know for a fact that's the one. It's that simple. I was telling them last night on the bus, for the ones that didn't get to go, we was talking about this message on the way back and I was telling them, I said, I was talking about, did you pray about the girl to have for you to get married?" And I said, yeah, I know this is going to sound a wee bit carnal, but just hang with me for a second. I was at home one night and I was praying. I was saying, God, show me who you want to marry. Show me the girl that I'm supposed to marry. It was no more, I said, Amen, that my wife calls. And there was a peace. that I knew at that point in time that that was going to be my wife. And I know that may sound like you're looking for a sign, but that's not the case. I believe that God heard a prayer and He answered the prayer just like that. Now our marriage ain't perfect, but I believe with all my heart that that's who God gave me to be my wife and to be my helpmate. And that's exactly the way that you need to enter into a marriage is knowing without a shadow of a doubt that that is the guy that God's got for you. Don't go chase after him. Don't do it. You let God direct him. It works the same way in churches. God directs Brother John, then Brother John directs the service. It works the same way in marriages. God will lay it on the man's heart what to do, and he's the leader of the home. That's the way it works. That's the way God's got it set up. And the simple fact of the matter is, girls, you need to find somebody that's going to put you right here beside Him. You need to find somebody that's going to provide for you. Somebody that's your friend and somebody that loves you. Unconditional love. See, some guys like to put conditions on it. Yeah, my wife is a good wife when she's cooking for me. But when the cooking stops, she ain't a good wife no more. She's the old lady at home. So girls, find out the guy that God's got for you. Guys, this is your checklist for the girls. Let's go to verse number 2. This is a good one. This one can go both ways. Verse number 2. It says, I sleep, but my heart waketh. It is the voice of my beloved that knocketh, saying, Open to me, my sister, my love, my dove, my undefiled. And then let's go down to verse number four. It says, I have put off my coat. How shall I put it on? I have washed my feet. How shall I defile them? You need to find a clean girl. You need to find an undefiled girl. A clean girl. This is what he said, my undefiled. Yes, I believe in abstinence. Yes, guys, just as much as, catch this, just, let me get down eye to eye with y'all, just as much as you want to go out and find a clean girl, hey, you should also be clean your doggone self. Hey, don't expect something out of them that you're not gonna do yourself. Hey, don't go to a place and say, no, you're not good enough for me because you've done this, this, this, that, and the other. Hey, if you've done the same thing, you're a hypocrite, and I'm telling you to your face tonight, hey, just as much as you need them to be clean, Hey, you need to be clean yourself. Yes, friend. That's exactly right. You need to be clean yourself. Wait till you get married. Wait. So she's clean, she's undefiled. But I like this also, guys. When I see that in verse number 3, I have washed my feet. That tells me that when she cleaned up, She wasn't expecting him to come by. Understand me? She was not knowing that Solomon was going to come by. Yet she still washed and she cleaned up. What I'm trying to get at is this shows something about this girl's character. She cared about herself. This shows that I'm going to take care of my outside and I'm going to be clean and it shows character about her. Look, I promise you guys, you do not want to get involved with a nasty girl. I promise. It's that simple. And this is what this is showing about this girl. She was undefiled. Checkmark. She was clean. It showed character about herself. Checkmark. But here's a good one that I think that's also overlooked. Speaking on cleanness. Before you marry her, walk into her bedroom and see how clean her bedroom is. Because if she won't keep a clean bedroom, I promise you, you're going to have one nasty house. You're going to have one smelly, dirty, rotten house. If she won't keep her bedroom clean where her living quarters are, I promise you, your house is going to be dirty. So the cleanliness speaks of her undefiledness the cleanliness speaks of her character but the cleanliness also speaks of man you don't want to come home after you've been working 10 hours and walk in and pots being the sink this high you are providing and i'm not being mean to the girls here because you can help out with the dishes don't misunderstand me but you are providing And the least that she could do for you is you come home to a clean house, man. I mean, even if the sucker ain't cooked, at least the house is clean. You can come back, come in, and sit down and take a load off. But it's just as much your duty as it is hers to help her keep the house clean. Alright, so the cleanliness of it, but here's another good cleanliness, not just her character, about who she is, about how she takes care of herself, and not just the undefiledness, and not just the room business, but if you really want to know, this is something that my mom taught me, if you really want to know how good of a wife she's going to be, go sit down and talk to her parents. And if she cusses her mom and her daddy out, I promise you she's going to cuss you out. If she can't respect her own mama and daddy that brought her into this life, I promise you that she'll never respect you. It won't matter what you do. It won't matter how much money you bring home. It don't matter how clean you keep the house. If she can't respect mama and daddy, she'll never respect you. You got to have a clean relationship with her parents. Or you can talk to her pastor if she goes to church. Find out her pastor. If he says that she's the most wildest one in the youth group, I don't care if she's in the youth group, run from her. If he says you can't depend on her for anything, I don't care if she's in the youth group, run from her if you can't depend. Because if the people that God has set an authority over her, when it comes to being married and you being responsible for the whole household and getting them in church and being the man of the house, hey, you're going to have to answer for what she does. You're going to be the leader of that house, and you need to have it settled that from the get-go, that her relationships with everybody else, the way that she takes and being submitted to her, to the people that God's already got over her, if she can't do it now, she won't do it when she's married. That's something that I absolutely love about my wife. She won't spend a dime of money until she calls me and asks me. Wait, wait, wait, wait, before you say, Mel's shoving his pig. I do the same thing. I won't spend money on anything, like clothes or anything, until I call her and ask her, honey, do we have enough money in the bank to get it done? I'm telling you, it goes both ways. Marriage, I say, is 100%. 50 on this hand and 50 on that hand. Hey, that's wrong. Throw it out the window. Marriage is 100%. 100% on the girl's part. 100% on the guy's part. And I promise you this, if she can't have a clean relationship with the people that's already in her life that she knows from From the day that she was born to this day now, she'll never have a clean relationship with you. She'll hide stuff from you guys. Hey, she'll do things. And there was a guy working, he was talking to me the other day. He said, I cannot keep any money in my bank account because every time I deposit my check, my wife takes it out. Cleanness. She needs to be clean, undefiled. So do you. She needs to have clean character. A clean room and clean relationships. Verse number 9 and 10. It says, she's gone out now, understanding that the lady here has gone out. She's looking because he's left. She's looking. It says, what is thy beloved more than another? They're asking her, is thy beloved more than another beloved? Or, O thou fairest among women, what, is thy beloved more than another beloved that thou dost so charge us? She speaks and says, My beloved is wide and ruddy, the chiefest among ten thousand. Oh, this is a good, I believe it's Proverbs chapter number 30, where she stood at the gate and the men knew her husband at the gate because she lifted him up. Oh, yes. Understanding, guys, you need to find a girl that's going to take you and tell you, hey, you did a good job today. You're cutting the grass, whatever you did at home, however clean your room is or whatever. Hey, you'll look at her and she'll pat you on the back and say, good job. Good job. You need to find somebody that's going to lift you up. Just as the guys don't need to beat the girls down, the girls don't need to beat the guys down. Understanding, you go to the book of Hebrews, chapter number 13, and it's talking about those that have rule over you. Understanding, you've got to give an account to God for everything in that house. And it needs to be on your checklist that you're going to have a lady that's going to stand by her man. You need to find a lady. When he left, man, she went after him and she was looking for him because he left her. And I'm not saying that you leave her. Don't misunderstand me. But if you don't call her for five days and she hadn't sent you a letter, an email or something and saying, hey, Aaron, are you doing OK? It's probably a good sign that she don't give a rip about you and you need to kick her down the road. She needs to check on you and make sure that you're okay. Jacob, she needs to love you and tell you that you do a good job, not every time you walk in. Well, you cut the grass good today, but my goodness, you skipped everywhere out there. I mean, there's skip places everywhere. It looked like you just cut the lawnmower off and just went right over it. You need to find somebody on your list. When you find a girl and you're looking for her, you need to find somebody. When everybody else says, what is Aaron to you? Man, it prides her to say, he's the cheapest among 10,000. There's no doubt in my mind, Brother Derek, that somebody asks Tabitha about you, and it lightens and it brightens her day up to say, yes, that's my husband. That's better than Georgia winning the national championship, ain't it? I'm talking about that's who you've got to find. Guys, when you start looking for the girl that God's got for you, if she talks down to you now, I promise you it'll just get worse. It'll get worse. If she can't take pride and you try to get her to, y'all go to sit down somewhere at a Texas Roadhouse to eat and you walk in and say for two people and you go stand over here and you sit down on this side of the bench waiting on that little bitty red thing to go off and here she is down on the other side of the room and she's ashamed to be with you. Look dude, don't even hang around her. She's not worth it. Somebody that's not ashamed of her man. Somebody that'll stand by her man. This is exactly what she does. They ask her, what does our man, is he better than everybody else? And she goes into a seven verse reason as to why her man is better than everybody else. That's something that you need. Hey, as rough as this life gets, you need somebody to come home to that's going to pat you on the back and say, Honey, I'm praying for you. Honey, keep on keeping on. Hey, just go a little bit further. Take it an extra mile. Hey, just do it a little bit harder. Keep on, keep on keeping on. That's exactly what you need, guys. Put that on your list. Somebody that's clean. Somebody that lifts you up. Verse number 10 through 16 again. Here we go. Not somebody that just lifts you up. Remember me talking to you guys about putting that good smelling stuff on, guess what? They notice that. When you take the time to pretty up for them, they'll take the time to pretty up for you. Okay? It matters to her how you look. It matters to her how you talk. It matters to her how you act. I'm going to get real cardinal here for a second, just to make a point. Y'all know this show, Big Time Rush? Come on, y'all gotta know. Kate makes me watch Big Time Rush all the time. All right, well, in this show, Big Time Rush, this guy, his girlfriend moves off to be a movie star, all right? When all this is going on, he's sitting at the, he's trying to get her to break up with him before she leaves so it won't be so hard, so he won't have to break up with her, all right? So they're sitting there, And the dude comes in, he's got like a pillow under his shirt, his guts hanging out to here. He's got holey jeans, his t-shirt looks like he's been wearing it for three months. And all, I mean, he just looks absolutely horrendous, okay? And the fact of the matter is, this is what happens, is she notices things like that, okay? She notices that stuff. You can ask any lady in this church. They probably can tell you what their husband's favorite color is. They can probably tell you what their husband's favorite sport is because they notice those things. They understand. She takes the time to learn you when you won't take the time to learn her. All right. They notice those things. Here she goes through seven verses of recounting her noticing her spouse. Guess what? You want somebody that's going to notice you for who you are. It's that simple, guys. I mean, you wouldn't, honest, I promise, you wouldn't want to go through life and you'd be walking, sitting at home watching TV and some actor comes on, I'm trying to think, Johnny Depp comes on. And your wife sits there and says, oh man, he's gorgeous. Man, he's absolutely gorgeous. And you're sitting there and saying, honey, come on. I'm standing right here. You don't want that. I'm trying to find somebody that's going to notice you and like you and love you and thinks that you're good looking. I mean, this girl was crazy about this guy. She could tell you what color of his hair. She could tell you the way his eyes look. She could tell you everything about Solomon. You want somebody that's going to take notice of you. Man, it's that simple. I hate to know that I can come home every night and after I get off of work and my wife never says, hey honey. That would be miserable, man. For a wife never to notice her husband. That's something that you need to have on your checklist. That she notices you. And then verse number 16 for the guys. The last part of it says, This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem. Here we go, guys. This is a good one. I don't read anything there where it says that he was a baseball player and she loved him for his money. I don't read anything there where it says that he was a star quarterback and all the cheerleaders wanted to be with him. That's the reason why she loved him. Understanding guys, there are girls out there, they really don't want you, but they don't want anybody else to have you either. Girls, understanding there are some guys out there that don't want you, but they don't want anybody else to have you either. And every time somebody comes along, they're going to jump right in just to stop somebody else from getting you. Because they don't want you, but they don't want nobody else to have you. This girl loved him for who he was. You see nothing there. This is what interests me about this. In that whole chapter, brother Josh, you see nothing there that says anything about being her king. Nothing. Does she ever mention, not only is my beloved, he's my king. It's not there. She loved him for who he was. Brother Jacob, if you have to be somebody else to get the girl, let the girl go somewhere else. If you have to drop your standards to get the prettiest cheerleader on the scene, let her be the prettiest cheerleader with somebody else. Get to the place that you say either you love me for who I am or you don't love me at all. Here's the great thing about all of this. As we mentioned about how the guy went to the girl and how God went to the guy to go to the girl. Here's something I want you to understand, Ms. Ashley. God's got a guy for you out there that's going to love you for you. Ms. Haley, God has got a guy out there that's going to take care of you. Wait for God. Wait for God. Hey, God has got a girl that's got your name in her heart already. I believe that with all my heart. And you might have to date a couple of girls to find out who that girl is. Don't misunderstand me. But one day, if you'll wait on God and she waits on God, hey, you'll be put together for life. God's got a girl for you, Aaron. Don't jump on the first train that comes along. Just because she's pretty, you ain't got to ride the train. You ain't got to jump on the train and go to the other place. I'm trying to get a point across to you that before you ever get married, you need to understand that God has a girl for you. And you need to wait on that girl for you. Girls, God has a guy for you. Instead of chasing... You know who I'd name, but I'm not going to name him. Instead of chasing him around, if you pray hard enough, he might be sitting here next to you someday. I just want y'all to understand and grasp ahold of the fact that nobody's perfect. If you're waiting on Mr. Perfect, you'll never find him. Guys, if you're waiting on the perfect woman, you'll never find her. But I promise you, if you're waiting on God's woman, and you work on God's time, God will give the girl to you. The preacher said it last night, Brother Josh, that you may not ever have had a perfect life But in Christ, you can have life perfect. Look, understanding that there's always going to be things that arise in a marriage, in a relationship. And you may not ever come to the place that you'll ever find the perfect man. Because I promise there's none out there. That simple. As bad as that breaks my heart, there's no perfect guys. Okay? But the fact is, is that you can be in the perfect will of God, waiting on the man that God has for you. That simple. So, when you go out and date, the first question you should ask is, is this who God would want me to marry? And if God tells you no, guess what? Take heed. Listen and run. Get away from her. If He says, Okay? Don't rush into it. Keep praying about it. And in God's timing, it'll work out. So that's something that I'm finding, and I'm done with this, that's something that I'm finding more and more in the generation that our kids are growing up in, is everything has to be just like the Internet. Type the address in, and it's there. And we think that our relationships have got to be the same way. Type him in, the perfect guy, dial him right in. And he's there. That may not be the case. Miss Ashley, understanding that you're a perfect man, that God's got perfectly for you, he may not even be in the United States. He could be over in China preaching the Word of God. Guys, the girl that God's got for you, she may not be in Marvel Baptist Church. She may not be even in the United States. Her daddy could be a missionary in the Philippines, and God has already got her heart working, and maybe have your heart working later on to the Philippines, and that's where y'all meet at. The point I'm trying to get at is, sweat on God, let God be God, and you stay out of the way. It will happen in God's time. Come with a song. The best thing I think that could happen is, is guys, you come down to the altar and you ask God to give you a good, godly lady. Somebody that wants to work for God. Somebody that wants to worship God. Somebody that wants to live for God. That's who you need to ask God for, not Miss America. Not the perfect figure. God's girl. Girls, not Peyton Manning. Not A-Rod. Not Chipper Jones. God somewhere out there might have you a Billy Sunday. could happen. And you need to be sensitive to the Holy Ghost and ask Him to send you the right person.