OK, we come today to a subject. What do you do when you see sin in the life of another believer? And just by way of background, we've got one additional week on what do you do when and then we'll have a couple of weeks on some of the mission of the church, the purpose of the church, et cetera. And then Lord willing, at that point, we'll pick up a study on the book of Genesis, at least the first 12 chapters. I'm not sure beyond Genesis 1 through 12, but we'll see how the Lord leads. So what do you do when you see sin in the life of another believer? This is probably one of the aspects of church life that is either largely neglected or misunderstood. and in some cases poorly implemented, but it has the potential and it's designed, the scripture is designed so that we truly minister to each other. But I think it will become apparent as we go through the notes that as we look at the scripture that to properly speak into someone else's life, if I can use that expression, about what we perceive to be sin, that needs to be determined whether it's sin or not. Understanding is always where we start with each other. But for that it requires preparation, it requires prayer, it requires skill. It's something that probably happens altogether too little in the life of a church, but it requires much preparation. So that's the key I think that we'll get through. But it's ultimately, and I know you'll appreciate this, reflection of our love for each other. Carolyn Neuheiser, an ACBC counselor and a person from whom I've benefited very significantly in looking through this subject, Christians love each other well when they address one another's sin with Christ-like love. And it's difficult. It's awkward. These are difficult conversations. As a matter of fact, Carolyn Neuheiser and her friend Cheryl Marshall authored a book on difficult conversations, and life is full of difficult conversations, but they're important, that we know how to craft our language, how we know to prepare our hearts, how we know how to frame our speech with each other, and how God can use us to sharpen each other. But by way of overview, just a quick summary, and then we'll unpack this as we go, six aspects of why Does a healthy church approve one another? And what does the word of God say? And that's the last expression is of paramount importance. According to the word of God, that's our rule of faith and practice. We adhere to sola scriptura here, one of the reformation solas. So the scripture is our authority. It's sufficient. And there is more than enough revelation in God's word about how we are to interact with each other to help us to, to engage in this and where we truly can speak truth into another beloved brother or sister's life. Number one, it's commanded in the Bible, and I'll unpack these as we go, Lord willing. Two, it demonstrates love for each other. Three, it provides for Christians what they should desire. It's not always what they do desire, but what they should desire. Four, it is a test, and this is very important, of our spiritual maturity and humility. Number five, it reconciles strained relationships And number six, and this is an aspect where the involvement of the elders is typically a very important aspect, but it protects the purity example and testimony of the church. We'll be looking at Titus, we'll be looking at 1 Corinthians 5. There are some instances where there is public sin and clearly that's an area where the elders have to get engaged in dealing with this. But to unpack it, I'm going to just expand briefly on each of those six points and then we'll further develop it as we go, but number one, it's commanded in the Bible and you probably had already in your mind gone to Matthew 18. If your brother sins and if you have the King James against you, go and show him his fault in private. If he listens to you, you've won your brother, but if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you so that by the mouth of two or three witnesses, every fact may be confirmed If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church, and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector. We'll be focusing on the first stage of Matthew 18 in terms of this. This really is the paradigm for church discipline, and hopefully it never progresses beyond the first stage, and often it does not. Rarely does it get to the third stage. We've had a few instances where that's occurred. But there are some important aspects even in the first sentence. If you're a brother, when we are chastening each other or reproving each other, we're dealing with another believer. We're not trying to correct an unbeliever here. We're talking about someone in the life of the church. Go. So there's an imperative. Go. It's not an option. We're supposed to take the initiative. show him his fault. So we have to, first of all, determine whether there is a fault or whether it's a perception that we have. So we need to understand, we need to clarify. And the scripture is our metric, our only metric for the issue at hand. In private, couldn't be more important. And if he listens to you, you've won your brother, the expression, you've won your brother. That's really the key is we're trying to come alongside our brother or sister in Christ and help them to grow in maturity. Number two, it demonstrates love for one another. This is absolutely the most important aspect of what takes place. It's a reflection of love. Not to speak truth into a brother or sister's life when it's evident that there is sin and that brother or sister's life is really, we're abdicating our role of loving each other if we don't speak truth into each other. But we have to be sure we do that in a biblical way, in a sensitive way, in an understanding way. The second great commandment, the Lord was asked, what's the great commandment? To love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. And the second is like it, you shall love your neighbor as yourself. And that goes back to Leviticus 19, 18, and that's reproduced for you. You shall not take vengeance nor bear any grudge against the sons of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord. The preceding verse, you shall not hate your fellow countrymen in your heart, you may surely reprove your neighbor, but you shall not incur sin because of him." So what is being said in Leviticus 19 is it's entirely appropriate to reprove, but it's important and it's essential that in the process that we don't personally engage in sin, that our attitude, our disposition, our demeanor has to be right and regulated by the Word of God. Well, it's not just an Old Testament concept. In John 13, We have what Francis Schaeffer wrote a book called The Mark of the Christian, wonderful book. John 13, our Lord said, a new commandment I give to you that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that even as, that's a high standard to love one another as Christ has loved us, that you love one another. By this will all men know that you are my disciples if you have love for one another. Romans 13. owe nothing to anyone except to love one another. For he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law. So clearly the imperative is in the life of the church is for brothers and sisters to evidence tangibly, attitudinally, in every possible way, love for each other. A sacrificial love, a biblical love, a caring love. Galatians 5, top of the next page. The whole law is fulfilled in this statement. You shall love your neighbor yourself. Number three, provides for Christians what they should desire. Proverbs 27 speaks about reproof or rebuke, and the scripture says, better is open rebuke, in other words, rebuke that is actually communicated, than love that is concealed. To have love that is concealed is really not an expression of love. If we love someone, we will speak truth into that person's life. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. I don't know if anyone has ever spoken truth into your life about an area of sin, but if they've done that, and they've done that biblically, you need to understand, and I hope you do, and I'm confident that you do, that that is an evidence of their love for you and their love for Christ and for his church. Proverbs 28, he who rebukes a man will afterwards find favor. It's not always immediate, by the way. Sometimes these things take a while for the person on the receiving end to understand and appreciate what's taken place. Hebrews 3, very important. Take care, brethren, that there not be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart that falls away from the living God, but encourage one another day after day, as long as it's still called today. In other words, it's an ongoing obligation, so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. If we see someone that is slipping into sin or has slipped into sin and is even trapped by sin, It's imperative for us to love them enough to go to them and to deal with them out of compassion, out of care, not only for them, but for the church, for the bride of Christ. Number four, it's a test of our spiritual maturity. Very important. The dimension of humility. Galatians 6, brethren, even if anyone is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. There's a boatload of information in that. When the scripture talks about restore, it's a Greek word that literally has been used in secular literature of mending a broken net, repairing something that was broken so that it's restored to usefulness and utility. And that's what we're doing when we're speaking truth into someone else's life is we're looking at something where there is brokenness. And our goal, our only goal, is to lovingly bring restoration into that person's life, to restore them. But notice the scripture says, in a spirit of gentleness, then follow along, each one looking to yourself so that you too will not be tempted. So this requires self-examination. We'll look at the attitude more fully as we go. But this requires prayer. I cannot possibly overstate how important it is to preface any encounter with prayer, not only for the person with whom we'll be speaking, but for our own hearts as well. Looking to yourself so that you too will not be tempted. Why do we do that? Scripture says, bear one another's burdens and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. And there we go back to love. Remember the second great commandment is to love your neighbors yourself. Number five, it reconciles strained relationships. Ephesians 4, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other. Notice this expression, just as God and Christ has what? Has forgiven you. Has Jesus forgiven you? Yes, he has. So when we go to, if you're in Christ, he's forgiven you. So if you go to someone else and you're trying to get them to deal with sin in a constructive, biblical, loving, compassionate way, assuming that your own heart is right before God, which is a very important thing to be true, then we need to be ready to forgive if we've been affronted. We need to come fully prepared to do whatever is necessary on our end to restore that relationship, not to perpetuate brokenness, but to heal that brokenness. Matthew 5. If you're presenting your offering at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, notice it doesn't say that you've got something against your brother. You've got a brother that's got an issue with you. There's a strained relationship, there's distance, there's a coldness between you and it needs to be resolved. The Scripture is saying that your outward acts of worship are secondary to dealing with a strained relationship. You need to go heal that first before you come and offer your sacrifice. The Scripture is very clear on that. And be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. Now, just a note. When we go and speak to our brother or sister in Christ, Number one, we need to be ready to extend grace and to forgive. And, and this happens very frequently, we need to recognize that, you know what, we may have contributed to this as well. It's not altogether unlikely that we may have been a part of the problem. So we need to acknowledge that we may have contributed to the rift, and we may need to seek the other party's forgiveness as well. So this requires humility and openness on our part if we're going to tenderly, lovingly, constructively, biblically interact with someone else. Luke 17, be on guard. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. How often? Forgive me, my granddaughters have bequeathed a little bug to me, so I'm dealing with that. I love them dearly, but they love to share. If he sins against you seven times a day and returns to you seven times saying, I repent, forgive him, does that mean on the eighth occasion that you say you're done, that you've exhausted God's grace? No, no. The point is, it's not a singular event. Be prepared over and over. It's a lavish attitude of forgiveness. How often has Jesus forgiven you? More times than you can imagine. So what's the attitude with which we come to a brother or sister in Christ? We come ready to see a restored relationship. Number six, top of page three. Diane, can you hand me the water there? Thanks. Thank you. It protects the purity example and testimony of the church. 1 Corinthians 5. This is an example of an instance where there is a notorious or public sin. And Paul is writing to the church at Corinth, and he's dealing with the fact that they have boasted, presumably, in their very so-called open attitude towards morality, and they have overlooked this issue. They've not dealt with it. They've not been cleansing the impurity within the church. This requires elder involvement. It's absolutely imperative that the elders get engaged in this. That doesn't mean that the Non-ordained folks in the church aren't part of it, but the duty clearly rests upon those who are office bearers in the church to enforce the purity of the church. Titus 3, this has actually happened not recently, but years ago. Reject a factious man after a first and second warning. Now, let's go through the aspects, not the mechanics, but the aspects of how we pursue this. And there are eight of them. The mandate, the mission, the mindset, the motivation, the materiality, the manner, the method, and the mitigation. So our pastor has evidenced the ability to alliterate, and I'm trying to follow in his excellent example. So M, number one, the mandate. Carolyn Neuheiser, I mentioned earlier, an ACBC counselor. Her husband, Jim Neuheiser, is a name that you may be familiar with, on confronting sin. And I'll just be brief. This second paragraph, is really answering the question, can't someone else do this? And often, simply because of the awkwardness of going and speaking into someone else's life, we prefer, understandably, that someone else take that upon themselves, but that's really not an option. If we have a relationship with that person and we see something going on in their life, then we need to speak truth. But Scripture answers your concern. It speaks directly to the Christian's responsibility. So it's not an opportunity, it's a responsibility, it's an imperative. If you see your brother sin, go, remember we looked at that in Matthew 18, to address or confront sin in the life. So there's a number of scripture passages, and we'll look at all of these, some of which we've already looked at before, but the mandate, and the simple point is that it's not an option, it's a mandate. Number two, the mission. Growth in grace, conformity to Christ, and personal holiness. You know the scripture, Proverbs 27, 17, iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. That's really what we're talking about. Number two, Galatians 6, restoring with an attitude of gentleness. Someone's caught in sin. Soul care, Hebrews 3, this is someone we need to be careful, someone engaged in sin and they slip away. Linsky said, it's the best and truest friend who honestly tells us the truth about ourselves, even when he knows we shall not like it. That's very true. Really. And the word is friend. And I don't know how many true friends you have. Most of us have very few. All you need are a handful. If you've got a handful of true friends, you're a blessed person. Most people don't have a multitude of friends. I'm using that in an acquaintance sense, a sense in which we have a cordial relationship, I'm talking about someone that we have openness with, someone that we can speak truth to and receive truth from. A friend is a real gift. And the aspect of a proof, very appropriately, often takes place, should take place, within the context of friendship. We need to understand this is a tangible evidence of friendship. The mindset, and that's countercultural, by the way, The mindset, humility, love, and then log and spec. Matthew 7, this is the, Matthew 7, one is perhaps the most popular verse in all of professing Christendom. Judge not, let you be judged. You've heard that, how many have heard that? Right, so all the hands just went up. Well, what that's saying is judging with an improper motive in an unbiblical way, So how do you judge? First of all, you begin by looking at your own heart. Why do you look at the speck? And so you've got this very small aspect in your brother's eye, but you don't notice the log that is in your own eye. It's often the case, because our hearts can trick us, they often do, where we have eagle eyes for the sin in other people's lives, but we're obtuse when it comes to looking at our own sin. It's easy for us to obscure our spiritual perception so that we don't see that, you know what, we may be guilty of the same thing. We may absolutely have the same disposition and we just recognize that someone else because it's something that's part of our own lives. And that's the point that's being made here. So we needed to, self-examination is a big part of this humility to recognize that we are not without fault in many cases. First, take the log out of your own eye. and then you will see clearly. That's the goal, is to have an accurate perception, and indwelling sin in our own lives can obscure the accuracy with which we see sin in someone else's life. The authority of Scripture speaks to that. Psalm 139, a prayer for self-examination. Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my anxious thoughts, and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way. If you think about what is being said there in Psalm 139, that's a very probing prayer, to ask God to look at our hearts, to show us what's in our hearts so that we can speak truth to someone else out of a clean heart. Who may ascend to the hill of the Lord? He who has clean hands and a pure heart and has not lifted up his soul to an idol. Are our hands pure? Is our heart right? Have we gone before the Lord? Have we prayed? Say, Lord, before I go speak to my brother or sister, I need to speak to you, and would you speak to me in your word, and make sure that before I go speak that my own hands are clean, that my heart is pure, that my motives are right, that I have love for my brother and my sister. That's imperative. First Corinthians 13, the context of all of this is love. Love is patient, kind, not jealous, does not brag, not arrogant, and so on. You know the passage. But this is the metric. This is the whole context for what we do. Matthew Henry, speaking about the character of someone who is a reprover, says this. The three qualifications of a good surgeon are requisite in a reprover. He should have an eagle's eye, a lion's heart, and a lady's hand. In short, he should be endued with wisdom, courage, and meekness. Wisdom, courage, and meekness. D.A. Carson. If it's hard to accept a rebuke, even a private one, it's harder still to administer one in loving humility. Top of the next page, R.C. Sproul echoes that same sentiment. He says, it's important. I would say it's essential that when we are engaged in admonition or exhortation or confrontation with a brother who's overcoming sin, we call attention to the truth in an extraordinarily compassionate and tender and loving spirit. Now, I noticed that I'd repeated Psalm 139, but some things bear repeating. That was a mistake on my part. But you know what? Some things just need to be repeated. We need to examine our hearts. So it must have been God's providence to make sure they don't forget this, that they come to me and they ask me to examine their hearts. So it was a providential replication on my part. Dave Harvey, when he's talking about the off-ramp, he's talking about a detour. He's talking about something that can take you down the wrong road. Avoid the off-ramp of self-righteousness. This is having the log in her own eye and not even seeing it. It's sitting in judgment on someone else's speck when we've got the log. Integrity calls you to suspect and inspect your motives. And so that's the point that he's making here. Alexander Strauch. If you're not a positive encourager, you will probably be a poor admonisher. Randy Smith talks about, it is not a mechanical obligation that should be approached in an impersonal manner. You're dealing with a living soul. It's not about winning a duel. It's about bringing a person back to fellowship with the Lord, back to a place of safety. I think we're all getting the understanding that this is not a mechanical process. This is soul care. This is engaging in someone's life in a conversation or conversations that can be difficult, but God uses these conversations when they're properly done and in a proper heart to do amazing things. I fear that, number one, this ministry, and it is a ministry, is often overlooked, either because we don't see the imperative or we feel uncomfortable or both. But we can't neglect this. This is an aspect that God would have us to take seriously. Number four, the motivation. Understanding, restoration, reconciliation, top of page six. I've already touched on Galatians 6, but again, the word restore is talking about putting someone back in a position of usefulness. It's talking about taking something that is broken and in bringing healing and restoration, reconciliation. It's bearing one of those burdens. The key word is gentleness and self-examination, looking to yourself so that you will not be tempted. I remember one time I was in a board meeting and someone was talking about some people they had problems with. He named names, which shouldn't have done. And he said, I'm going to go shepherd them. And I took him to Galatians 6. And I even took some spin off the ball. Instead of saying, what have you learned out of Galatians 6, I said, what have we all learned? And so the answer I got was, we all preach better sermons than we actually live. Very dismissive. But Galatians 6 says, I knew what he was going to do. He was going to go fire these guys. I mean, I knew where this was going. I'm not saying that they shouldn't be disciplined, but I'm saying I knew the disposition. I said, before we go shepherd these guys, do we have the right heart attitude? Do we have this tenderness, this restoring attitude in our heart? Have we prayed that God would take away the log before we go after somebody else's speck? And when someone speaks people's names in a meeting. They've already violated Matthew 18. They've not gone to them in private. They shouldn't be speaking about other people's names in a public meeting. Galatians 5, when you are spiritual, well, Galatians 5 tells us what a spiritual person is like. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, self-control against such things. There is no law. So the requisite to go and to to speak truth into someone else's life is that we're walking in the Spirit, that we're filled with the Spirit, that we're not walking in the flesh. We don't have a carnal attitude. We've already gone to the Lord, and we've said, Lord, search me and try me, know my anxious thoughts, see if there'd be any hurtful way in me. I'm not just saying repeat this prayer in a mechanical way, but we said, Lord, before I go, do I have something in my own life that disqualifies me from speaking tenderly, compassionately, lovingly, biblically into someone else's life? Have I done business with God first before I try to go do business with my brother and my sister? Ed Welch, contrary to people pleasers, only people lovers are able to confront. Now, I mentioned this context of friendship and how rare it is and how precious it is to have true friends. This is so important, I can't possibly overemphasize the context of reproof. is most fertile when you have a friendship relationship, a true biblical relationship. You've got someone who you love, that respects you, that you've had interactions with before. It's so much more effective when someone comes that you know, and they trust you, hopefully. If they're a friend, they trust you. And for you to come to them, you've already got an inroad into their life. So pray that God will cultivate true friendships in your life. You don't need many, but all of us need a few. And we need those people that will speak truth into our lives and with whom we can speak truth. It's a precious gift. Pray that God will raise up true friends in your life. Henry Ward Beecher, it's one of the severest tests of friendship to tell your friend his fault. So to love a man that you cannot bear to see a stain upon him and to speak painful truth through loving words, that is friendship. You can't stand to look at a stain in his life that goes unattended, and you're willing to do what is difficult and engage in that conversation because of love, because of friendship. It's costly, but it's such a wonderful ministry. Jerry Bridges, the second paragraph, loyalty, this is an aspect that I'd like to emphasize as well, speaks the truth in faithfulness, but it speaks in love. Loyalty says, I care enough about you that I will not allow you to continue unchecked in your wrong action and sinful attitude that will ultimately be harmful for you. If we have a friend with whom we're loyal and they're loyal to us, we can't just stand passively by. They've already engaged in an aspect that's hurtful to their relationship with God and to the church. We have the opportunity, the responsibility, the obligation out of love, out of loyalty, out of friendship to speak truth into their lives. Well, next is materiality. We've talked about motivation, the materiality. You know, this is, this is so important. We have to distinguish between personal conviction and biblical absolutes. Sometimes it's just a matter of expectations that are mismatched. It's not necessarily sin. How often do we have just, I expected you to do this and you did less than X, whatever that is, or you did it slower than I thought you would do it or faster than you thought I would do it. And so many times it's just expectations that get mismatched. And sometimes it's a matter of personal preference. Sometimes it's a way I was raised and because I'm raised a certain way, I expect other people to do that. Well, the Bible may not have a statement on how you were raised. It probably doesn't speak to your expectations. We have to make sure that what we're speaking to someone about is truly a matter of biblical offense. It's not just something that I feel hurt because that person didn't do what I expect him to. If you feel hurt, that doesn't mean, by the way, that you shouldn't talk to them. You probably should talk to them, but frankly, If you feel hurt and they haven't really sinned against you, you probably need to go to them and ask for forgiveness for harboring a root of bitterness in your own life. So we have to be honest with our own attitudes on these things. It's all about us. Carolyn Neuheiser says, your role as a Christian friend isn't to address every infraction of God's righteousness that you may see in others. Praise God for that. I don't know about you, but it'd be a constant revolving door if people came to me and every time they saw something that didn't match up the perfect standards of God's law, let's go for something that's actually an attitude of sin, something that's hurtful, something that is material, something that's harmful in their spiritual life. We're talking about nitpicking. We're not talking about minor infractions. We need to understand each other. And we'll talk about this a little bit later. We have to understand that we all, failed in so many ways. We're tired. We may be sick. We may be distracted. We may be saying something in a way that was less than perfect. And that doesn't mean it's sin. That's just the world that we live in. We need to respect the fact that not everything that happens is something that we need to go immediately and deal with. I suspect that the error that we fall on is probably not over-communicating, it's probably under-communicating, but it's important that we emphasize the fact that this really needs to be an aspect where Scripture speaks directly. This is a sin. And we can actually go to the Scripture and share compassionately, this is what the Bible says. So don't focus your attention on your friend's minor offenses. Instead, reserve your confrontations for unrepentant sin that is a clear violation of God's word, brings harm to herself or others, dishonors the Lord in a public way, lovingly overlook that person's occasional failings with the spirit of grace and forgiveness. Ken Sandy, who has done some wonderful work at Ministry Peacemakers. If you're not familiar with that ministry, you should be. Ken Sandy has just done wonderful work in the area of reconciliation. To truly overlook an offense means to deliberately decide not to talk about it, dwell on it, let it grow, and to pin up bitterness. If you cannot let go of an offense in this way, if it is too serious to overlook, or if it continues as a part of a pattern in someone else's life, then you need to go talk to them. So there's kind of a materiality. We're talking about when does it rise to the level of engaging in this difficult conversation? The manner. Very important. Often overlooked. Critical. Timing. Timing is everything. Ecclesiastes 3, there's a time for everything. We have to be sensitive to the occasion. We have to speak to someone when you really have their attention. They're not distracted. It's the right context. It requires wisdom. It requires sensitivity to pick an occasion where you can engage in a conversation with someone. And it's appropriate. I've had people sometimes come to talk to me, you know, right after church service and we're engaging in something else. I'm not talking about confronting, but it's just a conversation, but we need to recognize that we need to find that time, that place, that occasion, that where we really can engage with our friend in a conversation and know that it's going to be a private conversation, a context sensitive conversation, and we can speak truth. And so at the time, Proverbs 25, like apples of gold and settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances. So when? Page eight. Before you address a friend's sin, consider the best time to have that conversation. Is it a time when she can listen, pay attention and receive what you have to say? Or is your friend busy, tired, distracted or emotionally upset? If so, trust God's providence and wait to speak with him or her at another time. Remember the wisdom of the preacher in Ecclesiastes. The wise heart will know the proper time and the just way." There's a lot of wisdom in that quote. If someone is distracted and they're not feeling well, they're busy with something else, just put it on pause. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't engage that person. Respect the fact that there could be a better occasion, probably is a better occasion to have that conversation. Put yourself in their shoes. Would you want somebody to speak to you right now about a material subject or would it be better when things cool off a little bit? There's an article here and I can't go through it in great detail, but it's an exposition of what does it mean to have words that are fitly spoken. Proverbs 25 11 says a word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver. It's a word that's very rare. It doesn't occur but once in the scripture, in the Old Testament. But if you look at the derivation of this and other uses, it could mean one of two things, time or an occasion, and it could mean well-turned or well-spoken or artfully expressed, probably both. And so what is being said in Proverbs 25, 11 is a word fitly spoken in the right occasion with prayerful preparation with thoughtfulness as to what you're going to say and what you're not going to say, how you're going to say it, how you're going to start the conversation. There's some artistry involved in this. There's some skill. There's some wisdom. There's some sensitivity that's required in this. But the result is, it's a beautiful thing when it's done right. But it requires a deliberate, intentional approach. But again, when it happens, it's a piece of work. It's artistry in ministry. that when you go at the right time, the right way, the right speech, with the right heart, all prayed up for yourself, for the other person, and God does a work, it's a beautiful thing. That's exactly what is being said in Proverbs 25. Top of page nine, Matthew Henry, second paragraph, says this, it says, especially to give a reproof with discretion and so as to make it acceptable, if it be well given by a wise reprover and well taken by an obedient heart, it is an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold, very graceful and well becoming both to the reprover and the reproved." And he's saying that he's saying there's nothing more beautiful in the life of a church than someone speaking truth into someone else's life when That party is prayerfully prepared. Words are wisely chosen. The occasion is the right occasion. The setting is good. You've got a friend. You're dealing with them. You're ministering to them. It's a beautiful thing. So I'll just go now to, we talked about the timing, the approach, top of page 10. I have a friend, Randy Patton, who was head of ACBC at one point, had a conversation with him. about this subject, and he said, Randy, a question softens the heart, a statement can harden the will. And what he was saying was that, what Dave Harvey is saying, the most helpful reproof frequently comes in the form of an open, not leading question, but an open question, because questions create the dialogue that invites more penetrating observations. If we just start off with a declaration, hey, I see this sin in your life, you know, that's kind of an abrupt way to get started, you know. And so, but if we go and say, I need to understand something, because we may not have understood it correctly. It's entirely possible that we're judging motives that could be completely wrong. And maybe it's not as material as we think, and maybe it was just one of those occasions, or maybe it is a very significant thing. But we go and say, brother, I just, I have some questions I'm trying to understand. I observed, so you go to facts, this is what you saw, not what you heard, not a rumor, But this is what I observed, this is what you said, and I'm just trying to understand what was on your heart when you did that, when you said that, and you asked that question, and then you pause. And you give them, they're not expecting that probably, so you give them a chance to say whatever they say. And so you explore, you ask questions, because you want to understand. The whole goal is to understand before we make declarations, right? And so we make sure that we really got an accurate grasp of what was going on in that person's life. So a question is a series of questions in the right demeanor. It can be a real door opener. Sometimes just an outright statement or declaration can be a way to shut the door. That doesn't mean that we don't speak truth, but look at Ephesians 4.29. Let no one hold some word for seed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification. So is it good for building someone else up? Number one. Number two, is it according to the need of the moment? That goes to a word fitly spoken. Number three, is it going to give grace to the one who hears? So those are very important metrics. Is it gonna build someone else up? Is it timely? Is it appropriate? Is it well-crafted? Is it going to give grace to those who hear? Colossians 4, let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, so that you will know, look at this, how you should respond to each person. how you should respond to each person, right? That requires some customization, that requires some understanding on our part. And friendship is really the right context for this, ideally, because we know how they receive things. George Swinick, the Puritan, said reproof should be as oils or ointments gently rubbed in. The method, and I've got to speed it up, but private, you want to speak with and to, not about the other person. And use scripture, Matthew 18. Ray Ortland, if your brother sins, chapter and verse disobedience. So make sure that the Bible actually speaks to this. Not an demeaning humiliation. And then he goes on and says, brother, here in the text, God says, but I would preface it, I'd have some questions first. He's starting off with this statement and I'm not saying he wouldn't ask questions, but in this quotation, I would have questions. I made a note here, assume questions are first. And brother, I can't see how that behavior lines up with this verse. How do you see it? That's a fairly abrupt start, but I would start with understanding first. No vague generalities, but verifiable facts. Be gentle and respectful. Then this last paragraph, very important. Let's offer the brother an opportunity to explain himself. After all, there could be more to it than one realizes. How often is that the case? Lastly, this mitigation, number eight. Mitigation is when we, Soften something that could be difficult when we reduce the severity or the intensity of something. To cover sin, and there's two aspects, and I'll just have to be very brief about this. To cover sin, number one, there's times sometimes we just need to overlook a minor infraction. If it's really not something that is a pattern where it's not a biblical affront where it's harming that person's life, maybe they communicated in a tone of voice that it wasn't perfect. And maybe it was a little abrupt. How often have we done that? So do we need to be confronted every time we speak in a tone of voice that isn't exactly the way it should be? Probably not. But so we just need to be sensitive. Is this sort of an outlier or is this a pattern? Is this harming his or her life? Is it something that really is deteriorating the relationship with the Lord and imprinting itself on the life of the church? Requires some wisdom, requires some good judgment. But it also means that we keep this matter private. And so we have to be a peacemaker, not a tail bearer. We can't go around saying, you know, I had this conversation with, fill in the name, and they didn't receive it very well. Well, number one, now you're engaged in gossip. Now you're a tail bearer. Now you're slandering that person. So these conversations are confidential. This is the first stage. And in Matthew 18, if it's a pattern of persistent sin, and you've done this wisely, biblically, graciously, and they don't respond, then obviously you need to go take someone else. And Matthew 18 speaks of that. But we need to be patient. 1 Thessalonians 5, confrontation isn't one size fits all. Look at this middle of the page. We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Do you see some customization there? Do you see some sensitivity there? There's different needs. There's different opportunities for ministry there. So confrontation isn't what I call a one-size-fits-all. Understand the other person. And what do they really need? What's the need of the moment that it will give grace to those who are here? In summary, and I'm just going to have to briefly recap this, guard your attitude against pride. Resist making quick accusations. You may not have the facts straight. Think of all the words you'll use. Preparation, intentionality, right place, right time. Use patience and structure. Page 12. Be gentle. Balance with proof and encouragement. Very important. Intertwine in that conversation with your friend, not only words that you're challenging, but would you say, I really appreciate the way that God has used you in my life. the way your involvement in the church, and I just want to see you continue to do well. Affirm them, encourage them, balance the reproof with a word of affirmation if it's appropriate, and usually it is appropriate. Usually it's some redeeming qualities that we can bring out. Pray for wisdom, courage, and self-control. I can't possibly overstate that. Bottom of page 12, you can read this at your own. But now, page 13, I've talked about how to give reproof. I'd be remiss if I didn't mention we need to be prepared to receive reproof. We need to be able to accept as well as to dispense reproof. And so here's a section on page 13, and it requires humility. The same humility that's required to go and speak truth into someone else's life also is the aspect that will allow us to receive reproof and to be changed thereby. Go to page 17. I just want to wrap up with this. This is an excerpt from a little dialogue with Carolyn Neuheiser, and it has aspects of a confrontation that are extremely helpful. First paragraph, as a friend, that's the context, as a friend, I feel like I need to say something. She was talking to her friend Cora. Cora was the daughter-in-law. And then in the middle of that paragraph, she described to me a recent interaction. So there's facts there. The person with whom you're speaking has already communicated what's going on. You don't have to speculate. She's already said what took place, so you don't have to sort of come up with your estimation. She's already said that, okay? She quoted herself as what took place. This is a friend. These conversations typically don't take place with strangers. You've got to context it here. But you're not speculating. You're dealing with facts. She's already said this. in her past conversations, next paragraph. So there's not, this isn't the only time you've spoken with this person in her past conversations. And then second, it goes on, we'd read 1 Peter 3, 8, they'd gone to scripture together. They discussed the meaning of the scripture and how it applied. And she reminded Cora, and she helped her to see how her treatment of her daughter-in-law was disobedient to the Lord. And then Cora, this is the real takeaway, reflected on this and said, you're right, Carolyn, Thank you, and at the end of the visit, she remarked, it's loving to talk about sin in a loving way. That's words fitly spoken, that's a beautiful outcome. That's what we're seeking, that's what we're praying for. That's what we're asking God to do with and through us in the lives of people that we love, people we're loyal to. So I hope it's been helpful. It's an imperative, it's a responsibility, but understand the preparation, the prayerfulness, the deliberation, the understanding that takes place.