The following sermon was delivered on Sunday evening, August 16, 2009, at Trinity Baptist Church in Montville, New Jersey. Now things are not always as they seem. Or to state it another way, first impressions can be misleading. There are realities in life which, upon superficial examination, seem contradictory and therefore worthy of rejection. However, with a closer and comprehensive examination, sometimes such contradictions can be understood, and what we thought should be rejected should not be rejected at all. Other situations in life seem, at first appearance, to be totally positive. Again, however, with a correct and complete understanding of such a situation, what appeared initially to be totally positive can prove to be less than desirable and in that case worthy of rejection. For example, suppose a child is in a hospital and he sees a doctor approaching him with a large hypodermic needle. The child does not believe that the doctor is going to do him good. He thinks the doctor is out to harm him. He sees the sharp, long, slender, metallic needle, that object approaching him, which will deliver pain and discomfort to him, and he is not at all eager to receive such a shot. But upon inquiry, the truth is understood. In this instance, the doctor is planning to inject a necessary local anesthetic, which will indeed prick him and give him some initial pain, but will prepare his leg for the suturing of a gaping wound that the boy had received. It appears as though the doctor is going to harm the boy, but in reality he is actually going to do him great good. The doctor knows that some pain is inevitable in order to achieve the greater good for the boy, and so he injects that hypodermic needle with its anesthetic right into the 12-inch flayed open wound of the leg of the boy. And if you think that's a bit preposterous, I was an eyewitness of such an event in a hospital several years ago. Pain, you see, was necessary, at least initially, in order for good health to be achieved. So that negative needle coming to the boy, that seemed very negative, but that negative needle was necessary, though it administered some pain, in order to achieve good. But consider another example. Suppose you're in the country of Pakistan, as I have been, and a plate of Pakistani pakora is presented to you. It's a small pastry stuffed with ground beef and spices, and it's then deep fried. And it's been purchased from a street vendor. And it smells good, it looks good, and if you taste it, you'll say it tastes good. So from every appearance, external and otherwise, it's nothing but edible goodness and a great delight. But the truth is that such food eaten by a Westerner like you or me is not good and is deceptive in its appearance. Great harm will be inflicted upon your digestive system and your stomach and your intestines as they perform Chinese acrobatics and then rid themselves of everything you've just eaten. So what seemed to be good was in truth actually very bad. So this simple principle that things do not always appear as they truly are must be remembered as we study the Bible's teaching regarding friendship. And in particular, this principle must be remembered as we consider tonight Proverbs 27 and verse 6. Please turn there in your Bibles, Proverbs 27 and verse 6. This simple principle that things do not always appear as they truly are must be remembered as we study the Bible's teaching regarding friendship from such a verse as this. Proverbs 27, verse 6. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. but the kisses of an enemy are profuse." Or some Bibles say abundant and others say deceitful. I'll address that later on this evening. Those who have attended here at Trinity Baptist Church previous adult Sunday school classes will know that recently we have examined the essential elements of friendship from the scriptures. We have learned that for true friendship to be established and for true friendship to prosper, there must be contact, there must be communication, there must be candor, there must be constancy, and there must be charity or love. And in that realm of charity, we have learned that in our friendships, we must have, first of all, a charitable care for one another. And secondly, we must have a charitable use of our tongues. And focusing recently upon the use of our tongues in those classes, we have discovered from the scriptures that a charitable tongue speaks the truth in love. Secondly, a charitable tongue does not flatter. Thirdly, a charitable tongue does not slander or gossip. And tonight I would like us to consider the vital truth which we've just read in Proverbs 27, a charitable tongue is faithful. A charitable tongue is faithful. Look at verse 6 of Proverbs 27 once again. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are profuse. Notice here with me, first of all, the actions of a true friend. He wounds. That's what the text tells us. A true friend wounds others. That's not at all what you would expect to hear. But that's what the Bible says. A true friend at times must first wound in order to effect healing. Like a doctor, a true friend sees in his friend or her friend a serious malady. However, the malady that he beholds or she beholds, it's not a physical problem, but a spiritual malady. It is, as it were, a spiritually inflamed, puffy lesion on the back of his friend's arm. And he's not sure if his friend sees, very likely does not see, that spiritual malady. Perhaps that friend is not even aware of that spiritual malady. And so the one who observes it knows that he must alert his friend to the presence of that lesion on the back of his arm. He must speak. He is keenly aware of the fact that for his friend to be healed, he must also puncture and split open this spiritual lesion and wound his friend in the process. His friend will experience pain. It will not be easy for the friend. It will not be easy for the one who is doing the wounding. It will not be pleasant. That process will bring discomfort to the person in particular, but also even to the one doing the wounding. And at least for a brief time, his friend will feel as though all that he is experiencing is negative. Negative and far from positive. However, notwithstanding all of those realities, a true friend will, as a matter of principle, a true friend will by choice, a true friend will by decisive choice, as a matter of principle, use the scalpel of his words Notice, not a sword. He doesn't use his words like a sword. He doesn't use his words like an axe. He uses his words like the surgeon's scalpel to split open the lesion, to drain its spiritual pus, and then to bind up the wound appropriately. And as he wounds his friends with the scalpel of his words, he no doubt rehearses in his mind the benefits which his friend will gain in the long term, although for a season he is wounded and pained. He reminds himself that he is wounding his friend in order to heal his friend. He wounds by speaking the truth. He doesn't flatter his friend. He doesn't go and speak to others about his friend's spiritual malady. He goes to the friend and he speaks to the friend with words of truth. He confronts him, he exposes whatever his sin might be, his error might be, his character flaws that are a pattern in his life. Whatever the problem may be, he goes as a matter of principle and decided choice to speak to his friend. He speaks the truth. He speaks the truth in love. So that's what the text tells us. It seems strange, but that's what a true friend does. But notice from verse six as well. He wounds in faithfulness. We're told how he actually wounds. Such a friend who goes to another to confront him or her about his or her sin or error or serious problems, such a friend has no intention of tearing down that individual. No intention of damaging, destroying, poisoning that person. And I would stop here and pause and give, as an aside, a little application. If you would fulfill the words of this text in your relationship with other individuals, other friends in your life, before you go and speak the truth to that friend, you should be asking yourself, what is my heart's attitude towards this brother or sister, towards this man or woman? is my heart's attitude one of, well, I'm going to really show him. I'm going to tell her the truth. She's going to know what I think. And you then are determined to so speak. And your heart's disposition is not one of goodwill. It is not one of wanting to build up, support, heal, nourish, strengthen your friend. But you're determined to put that man, that woman in his or her place. You ask yourself the question, what's my heart disposition? How am I going to approach him or her? If that is the way you are thinking and feeling, you are not going to be a true friend who wounds in faithfulness. You should approach your friend who has the harmful lesion as a friend, as a spiritual doctor, as it were, as even a spiritual parent, even though the friend may not be much younger than you. The friend may even be older than you. But as a parent approaches his son or daughter, and seeks to lovingly care for the child and correct the child and give instructions and reprove the child and nourish and encourage the child so you as a true friend are to wound your friends when they need that wounding with such parental love and care in faithfulness. This means that if you are to do so, you must be prayerful, you must be loving, you must be gracious, you must be humble, you must be considerate, you must be truthful. And when you stop and think about those realities that's all bound up in speaking the truth faithfully, You will, if you are thinking rightly, want to draw back and not speak the truth. That's not the purpose of doing such self-evaluation, of trying to figure out how will I be faithful in wounding my friend. The purpose is not that you then draw back and do nothing. The purpose is so that you do wound your friend, but you do so in faithfulness. As you have the opportunity to speak the truth in love and to faithfully wound a friend who needs such wounding, you must recall the golden rule. Please turn to Matthew chapter 7. Someone during this past week made a comment. I think it was Pastor Martin in one of the pastoral theology lectures. But it had recently struck me as well, how frequently the golden rule should be applied to our lives, to practical living. And in Matthew 7, verse 12, we read, all things therefore whatsoever you would that men should do unto you, even so do you also unto them, for this is the law and the prophets." Think just a moment. If you are in spiritual health here tonight, and you are in touch soberly with truth and reality about your own heart and life, If you think about the possibility of backsliding, that perhaps one year from now you would have gradually backslidden into bad patterns that were not at all good for you spiritually, sitting here tonight, Would you not want then for a faithful friend to speak to you then and say to you, brother so-and-so, sister so-and-so, I may be wrong, but it seems to me that you are not in a good state spiritually. I could be totally wrong. I could be all wet. Would you not now, tonight, in good spiritual health, knowing that that could possibly happen to you, would you not want now to have a faithful friend to speak to you, a true friend? You would. So therefore, when you become aware, as someone who is spiritually healthy, of one of your friends who is presently backslidden, Should you not go to that individual and say, I'm concerned for you, I may be wrong, but I've observed this and this and this. I see that you are not coming to prayer meetings anymore. Is there a reason for that? Maybe there is. I see that you are not at all participating with the people of God. You rather are drawing back and drawing away, absenting yourself more and more from the involvement with the people of God. Maybe there's a reason I'm not aware of. What do you think? You see, you would want someone to be faithful to you. You, therefore, should be faithful to others. You should be a true faithful friend and wound when necessary because the golden rule requires it. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. But furthermore, turn to Galatians chapter 6. Galatians chapter 6. If you would wound in faithfulness, if you would be a true friend, you must not only remember the golden rule in such activity, but remember Galatians 6 verse 1. Brethren, even if a man be overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, looking to yourself, lest you also be tempted. When you go as a true friend to faithfully wound someone, you must do so with gentleness. Gentleness does not mean that you are syrupy and mushy. Gentleness means you're not harsh and angry and irritated and have a spirit of ill will. You are to go with goodwill, with gentleness, with meekness, not pushiness, with gentleness, not harshness, with humility, not arrogance. You must approach such a one in order to see that one restored. There is a real devil He has many hosts following His ways, demons. We have much remaining sin in our own hearts. There's a world about us that seeks to tempt us and bring us out of the way of holiness. We therefore need to be true friends who wound in faithfulness and we all need true friends who will wound us in faithfulness. Turn back please to Proverbs chapter 27. This brings us then to this third point. What are the actions of a true friend, a true friend wounds, a true friend wounds in faithfulness, and a true friend, this may seem redundant, but a true friend wounds because he is a true friend. He is not seeking to please himself. He is seeking to please his friend, even his wayward friend. He is not thinking of me, I, me, I, me, I, first, foremost, and always. And when, therefore, a faithful wound must be administered, such a true friend does so not in delight, but in love. And this always requires self-denial, self-denial The reprover knows that his initial wounding may not be received with readiness of mind and eagerness of heart. The reprover knows that even if his wounding is received gratefully, still he must exercise self-denial. For no normal person enjoys confronting someone else. I have never met anyone who enjoys that. I assure you that as a man, as a Christian, as a father, as a husband, as a friend, as a pastor, I have never ever once taken any shred of delight or joy in confronting someone about a matter of sin in their life. And therefore, if that's so for you, which I assume it is, we must pray for self-denial to go contrary to our own emotions and feelings and do what is right for the good of our friends. A true friend does not permit unprincipled sentiment to inhibit or restrain him from faithfully wounding his friend. A true friend also does not permit unprincipled zeal or any other blinding emotion to control or lead him into rebukes which leaves the hearer in, as it were, shreddy pulps of blood. We must remember the words, as we come to be such a true friend, faithfully wounding another friend, we must also remember the words of Leviticus. Turn in your Bibles, please, to Leviticus 19. Leviticus 19 and verse 17. You shall not hate your brother in your heart. You shall surely rebuke your neighbor and not bear sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord. You shall not hate your brother in your heart, you shall surely rebuke him." Again, some people like to be perpetual rebukers, going around with a magnifying glass looking for every little fault in someone else's life in order to then speak up. I said earlier, I don't know anyone who likes confrontation, but it is true, there seem to be some people like that, that seem to take pleasure in taking a magnifying glass upon other people's characters and lives, finding fault with things that they ought not to find fault with. But here in Leviticus 19, we're reminded to love, not hate your brother in your heart, and you show that love by surely rebuking him when it is truly needed. And we must remember these words if we are to be true friends. Now I'd like to look at one example here, Galatians chapter 2. One example of a true friend who faithfully wounded another. Galatians chapter 2. Galatians 2, beginning with verse 11. But when Cephas, referring to the Apostle Peter, but when Cephas came to Antioch, I, the Apostle Paul, resisted him to the face, because he stood condemned. For before certain men came from James, he ate with the Gentiles. But when they, the men from James, from Jerusalem, when they came, he, Peter, drew back, separated himself, that is, from the Gentile believers, fearing them that were of the circumcision, fearing the Jews, the Jewish believers that had come up from Jerusalem. Verse 13, and the rest of the Jews dissembled likewise with him. That is, they removed themselves from the Gentile believers. They behaved in a very dishonest way, insomuch that even Barnabas was carried away with their dissimulation. But when I, Paul, saw that they did not walk uprightly according to the truth of the gospel, I kept silent. No, that's not what he says. I went and I told 20 other people about the problem. No, that's not what he says. I stewed and stirred and got really ticked at Peter. No, it's not what it says. Verse 14 again, But when I saw that they walked not uprightly according to the truth of the gospel, I said unto Cephas before them all, If you, being a Jew, live as do the Gentiles and not as the Jews, how do you compel the Gentiles to live as do the Jews?" You see, Paul saw and heard what Peter was doing. Peter believed and instructed Gentile Christians that they did not need to keep the Mosaic ceremonial laws in order to be made right with God. Peter himself therefore lived as though he were a Gentile believer. He understood that reality about the Jewish laws. But when some believing Jews came up to Antioch from Jerusalem, Peter feared them. He had a fear of man. He wondered what they would think of him if they saw him fellowshipping with Gentile believers. And so Peter withdrew from all of these Gentile Christians. And Peter, therefore, was manifesting hypocrisy. And it was a public reality. And Paul recognized that Peter's behavior sinfully compromised and jeopardized the gospel. And since Peter's sin was a public sin and a grave sin, Paul faithfully wounded Peter with his words of truth in public. Not every wound that one gives to a friend is done in public. Indeed, most probably should not be done in public. But Paul did this here in public because Peter's sin was public. Paul did not allow his native timidity And I do believe when you read through the New Testament, though he was a man of unusual courage, I do believe you can also say Paul had a natural timidity. He did not like confrontation. He did what he did because he feared God. He loved Christ. He loved Christ's church. he loved individual sinners, he was concerned for their well-being, and therefore he, in self-denial, went contrary to his native natural timidity, and he spoke the truth in love. He faithfully wounded Peter with verbal rebukes, with verbal corrections, and Paul manifested that he was a true friend indeed. Now, we know that Peter was grateful to God for Paul, because if you turn now to 2 Peter 3, 2 Peter chapter 3 and verse 15. Many years later, Peter wrote, an account that the long-suffering of our Lord is salvation, even as our beloved brother Paul also, according to the wisdom given to him, wrote unto you." So you see from this little set of words in Peter's epistle that he clearly did not reject Paul. He rather received Paul's rebukes He repented of his sin and he all the more loved the Apostle Paul who faithfully wounded him. But now turn back to Proverbs chapter 27 because we do need to see not only the actions of a true friend but the actions of a false friend. Proverbs 27 and verse 6 once again. The actions of a false friend. The kisses of an enemy are profuse or abundant or deceitful. The actions of a false friend, he kisses. He doesn't wound, he kisses. He does something that seems positive and good, not like the wounding that seems negative and not good. The actions of a false friend, he kisses. Now think with me for a moment. A verbal greeting is a sign of social courtesy. You don't walk down the streets of New York City and say hello to every passerby because they're all strangers to you. But if you see a work associate from another department in your office walking towards you in the hallway, you probably will verbally greet him. A handshake is a sign of welcome and greeting. If that work associate in your office happened to be someone with whom you worked side-by-side during the previous year, you would not only verbally greet him, you very likely would stop and shake his hand, not having seen him in a while and having worked together side-by-side in the past year. Think now of an embrace. An embrace is a sign of still deeper affection and friendship. If during the year of work with your former associate you had developed camaraderie through times of difficulty as well as times of joy, you would not only greet him, stop, and shake his hand, but you might also even embrace him, remembering those times of difficulty and joy in the workplace during the past year. A kiss, however. is that special physical sign which is intended to display sincere and abiding love, affection, devotion, and ties of unbreakable fellowship. In the light of these realities, we might anticipate an enemy or a false friend to verbally greet us or maybe even shake our hands. We certainly wouldn't expect an enemy or a false friend ordinarily to embrace us, but surely we do not expect someone who calls himself my enemy. We don't expect that enemy to come up to me and give me a big warm kiss on the cheek. It's not what we expect. But that is what Proverbs 27 verse 6 says. It says that a false friend may indeed do this. The kisses of an enemy are profuse. So, we see here then, secondly, that his kisses are abundant, his kisses are deceitful. And the Hebrew could be translated either way, that the kisses of the enemy are abundant, the kisses of the enemy are deceitful. Both translations would be legitimate. And as we've seen, the kiss is one of the highest expressions of love and devotion that you can give to someone else. And if you kiss someone who is not truly your friend, if you kiss as a matter of empty formality, you are manifesting insincerity and hypocrisy. You are not being honest. Your physical expression says, we are close, intimate friends. We have a deep bond of love and affection one for another. But the truth is, the one who kisses so profusely, he is not at all in love with you. He is not at all in affectionate bonds with you. He is not being honest. He's deceiving you even as he kisses you. How much greater then is the hypocrisy when the kiss is not just one kiss on the cheek, but many kisses on the cheek? The hypocrisy is even greater. The abundance of kisses which a false friend plants upon his supposed friend are calculated to mislead, calculated to deceive, perhaps calculated to promote himself, calculated to obtain something from that supposed friend. Now, of course, the kisses which Solomon speaks of in this verse may not only be actual physical kisses, but he may be speaking metaphorically. He may be doing that. I think that's probably true. But whenever someone acts or speaks affectionately, while their heart personally despises the one to whom they express the love, They are kissing that individual with kisses of deceit and hypocrisy. And such a person, Solomon tells us in this verse, is a false friend, an enemy, an enemy who has hidden motives and desires to harm you. He's someone who has hatred in his heart instead of love, someone who deceives instead of speaks the truth, someone who harms instead of helps, someone who is no friend but an enemy. That's what we see here in verse 6. Now let's look at another illustration. Please turn to 2 Samuel chapter 20. 2 Samuel chapter 20. It seems in this historical passage that Joab is jealous of Amasa. King David has, it seems, somewhat promoted Amasa in the matter of the soldiers, and so in verse 8 we read, that when they were at the great stone which is in Gibeon, 2 Samuel 20, verse 8, Amasa came to meet them, and Joab was girded with his apparel of war that he had put on, and thereon was a girdle with a sword fastened upon his loins in the sheath thereof. And as he went forth, it fell out. And Joab said to Amasa, Is it well with you, my brother?" And Joab took Amasa by the beard with his right hand to kiss him. But Amasa took no heed to the sword that was in Joab's hand. So he smote him there in the body and shed out his bowels to the ground and struck him not again and he died. You see, Amasa heard Joab's words, is it well with you, my brother? Words of friendship. Joab comes in order to kiss him on the cheek. Another sign of friendship. But Joab was determined to murder him, and murder him he did with the sword in his right hand. And there we see a very vivid illustration of the kisses of an enemy which are deceitful. So we could also turn to other passages. Judas profusely kissed the Lord Jesus Christ even as he betrayed him in the Garden of Gethsemane. But we must move on. What should our response be to the true friend who faithfully wounds us? Well, first of all, we must have a response of obedience. Please turn to Proverbs chapter 25. When a true friend comes to you and when he or she asks to sit down with you, prays and expresses concern for some matter in your life, some pattern of sin, You're not going to feel very comfy at that point in time. You should be praying, Lord, help me to respond to this true friend's reproofs in a godly fashion. And in Proverbs 25, verse 12, we read, as an earring of gold and an ornament of fine gold, so is a wise reprover upon an obedient ear. Yes, the scripture here speaks of a wise reprover and such we should be, but it also speaks of the obedient ear. Your friends are not going to want to speak the truth to you if every time they come to approach you about the truth, you get very defensive. You put up the walls. You retort with sharp words. Who do you think you are? I'm not like that. And you then start to turn the tables and accuse the true friend with his faults when he came to you to talk to you about your faults. If you do that, you don't have an obedient ear, and you will find that your true friends will not want to speak to you. You will drive them away. Furthermore, you need humility. Turn to James chapter 3. James chapter 3. Our response to a true friend who faithfully wounds us should not only be obedience, listening with a determination to obey God as they rebuke us and show us our sins, but in James 3, beginning with verse 13, we see what true wisdom is. Verse 13, who is wise in understanding among you? And James tells us who is such a person. He shows his life, his works, in meekness of wisdom. Verse 14, but if you have bitter jealousy and faction in your heart, do not glory, do not lie against the truth. That wisdom is not from above, James says. Jealousy And faction? Those bring about confusion in every vile deed. Verse 16. But then notice verse 17. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, easy to be entreated. Let me ask you, If I were to ask your husband, or I was to ask your wife, are you easy to be entreated, what would your spouse say? Husbands and wives, if I asked your spouse whether or not you are easy to be entreated, what would your spouse say? Would your wife say, my husband is so proud? Everyone thinks he's humble. But in the home, when I have to speak to him about a matter that is a pattern in his life, it is a serious pattern in his life, when I try to approach him, he gets defensive, he is proud, he resists me. I give up. I'm frustrated. I'm tired. I'm bitter." Husband, would your wife say such words? Or would your wife say you are easy to be entreated? You see, we all have blind spots and do not see ourselves as others do. We all have character flaws and deficiencies. We all, even Christians, of course, still have sin, indeed patterns of sin. We all have hearts that are prone to wander away from God, His truth and holiness. Sometimes we fall into some form of gross sin or immorality and become entangled in a web of lies and enslaved to some lust. And therefore we need true, faithful friends to rebuke us faithfully and in love. Are you such a true friend? Do you have such true friends? We all need to be such friends. We all need such friends. One last application. Parents, you have little children, toddlers, adolescents, teenagers, Christian father and mother parents, when some other brother or sister in the church comes to you and says, I need to speak to you about the fact that your little son Johnny, who's 10 years old, do you realize he never obeys you? He says something to you, you say something to him, you tell him to do something, and he says, but why do I have to do that? And then you explain to him why he has to do it, and then he says to you, but I don't want to do that. And you then say, no, you must do that, have a sweet attitude, but I don't want to do that. If a brother or sister comes to you, dear parent, and says to you, in faithfulness, in truthfulness, in love, your child Johnny doesn't obey you. Well, Johnny is a special kid. Really? What's so special about him? He looks pretty ordinary to me. Well, he's super duper duper duper. The point is, is don't justify your own children's sins. If someone is lovingly trying to show you something that apparently you don't see, if that pattern is very clear in your child or some of your children's lives, and someone has the grace and self-denial to come and speak to you, you should welcome it with an obedient ear, with grace of humility, and then ask the Lord to show you the reality of it. instead of being defensive about the faults and sins of your kids. Well, I close with just these simple words. Only the power of Jesus Christ in the gospel can make anyone a true friend to somebody else. Only the power of the Holy Spirit through the gospel of Jesus Christ can make me a true friend to someone else, can make you a true friend to someone else. Only the gospel of Christ that changes us from self-centered, selfish, defensive, proud, obnoxious, arrogant, hateful, spiteful, angry, ill-willed people It changes us. The Gospel changes people. That's what it does. We heard that this morning. There's a radical conversion with a radical change of life. Only the Gospel can do that so that we do approach one another with meekness, with humility, with love, with courage, with grace, with tact, with affection, with care, concern. Only the Gospel can do that. And therefore, this is not a series of self-help things that we should do because we don't have the power in ourselves. This is a call to cry out to God through Jesus Christ for grace and power to be faithful friends to one another and to promote the gospel through such friendships. May God help us. Let's pray. Father, we cry to you and again confess our own helplessness apart from Christ, and we ask for your grace that we would be faithful friends to one another, wounding one another when there are patterns of sin or gross sin, issues that must be addressed. Help us, Lord, to be faithful, true friends to each other, Help us, Lord, to be receptive whenever we are approached. We ask for this mercy for all of us that Jesus Christ would be honored and exalted. In his name we pray, amen.