Father, thank you for this day. Thank you for our church. Thank you for these men. We ask that you'll bless this time together. Help us to be edified and encouraged. We love you, and we give you praise in Jesus' name, amen. All right, so we're getting close to the end of this. We have, like, after this, I think we have, like, three more chapters, and I'm gonna look into it. I may just... Combine all three chapters and do one lesson because I'm ready to be done with this. But we've been walking through this book, Complete Husband, and we covered last time protecting your wife. And so we're going to finish that lesson. So, you know, if you're not married, this is good stuff. I wish that I had heard some of these stuff way before. I was married, and it helps you sort of become a godly man. I think we do too much, try to do too much stuff afterwards instead of preparing. I've often said, you know, we... our society sees that you need to have training to drive a car. You need to have training when you start a job to do your tasks, but for some reason no one thinks that the two most important things in life, being a spouse and being a parent, that you don't really need training for. And it's like Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, it's like, okay, well, you know, if you had training beforehand. The food actually gets cut off at 830. You have a tenant you have a tenant Well, that's good. That's what we prayed for. Okay. From what I understand with tenants the aggravation doesn't stop though. So here we are, we've covered this. So let me just go over what we covered last time. We talked about protecting, it's implicit in the command to love your wife as Christ loved the church. His responsibility to protect her from danger. 2 Thessalonians 3, 3, the Lord is faithful, He will establish you, guard you against the evil one. So we see in God's love for us that He protects us. So in our love for our wives we should protect them. What do we protect our wives from? We talked about the power of influence. potential areas of danger. We walk through a couple of these and this is where we come to dangerous friends and associations, developing inordinate relationships, bad theology, assuming too many responsibilities. So this brings us to where we are today. The first one in our list today, I'm going to actually move quickly through this because it's the last three points that I really want to maybe slow down at. But the next one is embarrassment. Embarrassment. I thought this was interesting, a passage that he points out in the book of Ruth 2.15. When she rose to glean, talking about Ruth, Boaz instructed the young men saying, let her glean even among the sheaves. And in the ESV, it says, do not reproach her. And the understanding there is he, you know, here's this lady out here. And Boaz wanted to protect her from the men. And he was saying, really, don't humiliate her. Don't embarrass her. Right. Right, it's, yeah, in other words, lady, you're doing, you're out of line, because she was moabite, she wasn't used to the way the Jews did things. Instead of like, getting on to her about what the custom is, just leave her be. Don't embarrass her, okay? I have seen this many times, and I can't sit here and say that I've never done it. How husbands can embarrass their wives. Wives should be shielded by their husbands from all unnecessary embarrassment, whether it be disrespectful expressions by the children, insulting comments from friends and associates, or the husband's own careless public criticisms or jokes about her idiosyncrasies." To be honest with you, I think the most I've ever seen it is really done by the husbands. where you're sitting, I'll give you an example, you're sitting or standing in a group of friends, you're all laughing, cutting up, and then the husband thinks it's an open door to, well, you know about her, and then tells about something that they know about her or some kind of quirk that she has or mistake that she made and really embellishes it. and embarrasses her. And like I said, I can't say in 15 years of marriage that I've never done that. Don't do that. I've often sort of tried to practice this rule. Don't bring out anything negative about your wife to other people. That doesn't mean that you're going overboard about, my wife's the greatest person that ever existed. I remember Foster telling me about a church that he was at one time and the pastor just got up every Sunday and just talked, before he started his message, just talked about his wife and how beautiful she was. And he said it started getting a little weird because he was like, she's so hot. And he's like, John, she wasn't the easiest thing to look at. And he said, people started getting aggravated about it. And so somebody, he said, one of the guys said something to him. And he said, you should probably say something to him. He'd probably want to hear it. And he got that guy in trouble because he went and said something to him about it. And he was just like, next message, the guy just like ripped the whole congregation. He was like, I'm going to talk about my wife when I want to talk about my wife. But it's just, be appropriate, be appropriate. I mean, I think sometimes your wife can be embarrassed by just overdoing it and positive comments in public. So, and an easy way to sort of figure this out is just the communication again, right? Like, have a conversation. Honey, what are you? Do you like it when I talk about you? What is like no fly zone comments, like don't talk about this. If you're unsure, just talk it through. So other potential areas, protect her from bad attitudes from the children. And I've seen this, where the whole family's sorted together, kid disrespects the mom, the dad doesn't do anything. I start twitching. I really do. I start twitching. Yeah, I'm like, because there's one thing that kids know, they don't, they don't, you know, they're little sinners. So, you know, I expect it to happen from time to time. But if they do, they know I'm coming down on them. Like you don't talk to your mom that way. And what do you need to do? All right. Number one, I get on to them for what they did. Number two, I say you need to go back and you make things right with your mom. You need to ask for forgiveness for the way that you spoke to her. All right, and that's really the response that needs to have. And can I say this? Our wives, I think most of us who are married here, we work and a lot of times we're away and our wives are taking care of the kid and the kids, you know, all day long. for us to come and not be involved and not step in, oh, it can be really debilitating to the wives. They've been doing it. They're tired. Maybe they should get on to them when they do it, but they've been doing it all day, so they're a little wore out about it. So, protect her from bad attitudes from the children and some of the children that are here. Don't give bad attitudes to your moms, okay? Simple as that. All right? Protect her from not getting enough sleep. Protect her from not getting enough sleep. 1 Corinthians 3, 16 and 17 talks about the body and that we are embodied souls. You need sleep and your wife needs sleep. As a counselor, I'm becoming more and more interested and convinced about this issue of sleep and good healthy sleep as it pertains to our behavior. And I've been looking into that a little bit. I really think that the secular world really goes to a whole bunch of other issues whenever this should be like the number one thing that they're looking at. because they start thinking, oh, well, you have an anxiety problem, you have a depression problem. How are you sleeping? That could really have a major effect on that. And so instead of giving them an SSRI right away, how about we do a sleep study? and see why they're sleeping. I mean, you can really correct a lot of issues by a good night's sleep. Your body has to have, because I actually went to the doctor about four or five years ago and talked to him about my sleep, and he said, Dr. J. Tressler, and he said, you must have two hours of REM sleep, or rapid eye movement sleep, a night. He said, that's what you have to have. Some people get more. But the average human being is supposed to get, he said, and he said, sleep. He used it like the ocean floor, like he drew a diagram of the ocean floor. And he said, your sleep comes in like this. He said, you go into a sleep. And he said, it goes down to that first part of the floor where you can still touch the ground. And he said, you're asleep. He said, then you go down into the next two hours of your sleep cycle. It goes a little bit deeper, but you're not in REM sleep. He said, that's the sleep where you're asleep, but if something happens, You wake up. He said, but then you go down to the bottom. He said, and you normally stay there for about two hours. He said, that's where you dream. And he said, in his rapid eye movement sleep. And he said, that is where you are resetting. That's where you're getting the rest. And he said, what normally happens in our sleep pattern is a proper sleep pattern is then we start coming out of that. And he said, in that sleep cycle, we start coming out of that and then eventually are ready to be awake. And he said, different things, when they mess with that, you may sleep eight hours. But if you're not getting to that rapid eye movement sleep, he said, you're going to feel like you pulled an all-nighter. And I said, yeah. That's exactly, I've never thought about it, that's exactly what I feel like. And so it can have an effect on your person. So it can have an effect on your wife. Your wife's being irritable. Well, there can be a range of reasons, but what about her sleep? How's she sleeping? It's especially big whenever they're in that baby stage, right? They're having babies, or the baby's like really, you know, its sleep patterns are off. So try to be proactive in helping. How can you help your wife sleep a little bit better, especially whenever they're having the little ones? Protect her from gossip. I actually have my Bible turned to this one, Proverbs 18.8. The words of a tailbearer are like tasty trifles, and they go down into the inmost body. Protect her from gossip. I feel like women get a bad rap sometimes that they're the gossip ones, because I feel like us guys can do the same thing. And I feel like we can be just as guilty. And so if we're going to protect her from gossip, we've got to watch ourselves from gossip. So be careful with that. Be careful of this. finding a getting comfortable with you and your wife gossiping together. Now, do I believe that you're supposed to be one and you should be able to talk about everything and that's the one person you can talk? Yes, 100%. But I'll tell you the thing that's real subtle for Mary and I, and I'll be transparent with you this morning. It doesn't really happen necessarily with church people. It happens with family. And it's real easy for us to just slip into that talking about different family members in a negative way, and because we're both in agreement on it, and we both deal with it, and so it's like, you have to watch yourself. Lead in that area. Don't let you fall into that pit, because that's sin. In-laws and relatives and bad attitudes. Protect her from this. I'll say this, in our 15-year marriage, and I tell couples this normally when they come in for marriage counseling, our biggest issue has never been finances. You think about the big issues that married couples have problems over. It's never been immorality issues. It's never been finances. It's not really been communication so much. It's in-laws. It was in-laws. We had some major clashes in our marriage over the in-law situation. And so you've got to watch that. I think if you know someone that you see that struggle or if that is a struggle, Wayne Mack has an excellent booklet on in-laws that he wrote on there that has some great biblical guidelines for that. But just remember the Genesis 2 24. You leave father and mother, and so does she, and you become one flesh. So while family is always going to be there, and I think there are biblical principles and precedent that even though you're married, you have a responsibility to family. They don't come between you and your spouse ever. I remember that was what I struggled with, because that was what we were clashing over. And then my family came in, and my mom and dad were there helping us build the house. And dad got a little bit too comfortable with his frustrations and negative comments around my wife. because again, we're all very close to her family in this situation too. And she called me up one day and she was just like, I've got to be honest with you. I'm a little frustrated at your dad right now. And I said, what happened? And she told me what he said. And I was like, okay. And what he said, I'm like, yeah, I could find myself saying the exact same thing. Shocker, right? Dad and son, we think alike. But it was like my conscience was like right there. It's like, all right, big boy. This is what you've been complaining about. Now the shoe's on the other foot. What are you going to do about it? So I was like, don't worry, honey. I'll take care of it. So I got on the phone. I said, Dad, let me tell you something real quick. It's going to be extremely clear. We are super thankful that you're here helping us with the house. I mean, this is this is a huge blessing. You don't even know you're saving us so much money. However, you cannot talk to my wife about her family that way. And if that's something that you don't think you can keep your mouth shut about, we'll just call it quits right now. You guys can go back to North Carolina. And he said, I'm so sorry, son. He said, I'll apologize to Mary as soon as I see her. I said, sounds good. And to my dad's credit, he never did. I was like, you know, praise the Lord. I mean, he really did. He never, cause I know there were times, especially there was a moment there where her dad, her dad and my dad were working on electrical together. That didn't last long. Oh yeah. In fact, the whole time, Mary and I were like, this is not a good situation. He would say things to me, but if he knew she was walking around the house, he'd shut up. He'd never say anything. Maybe. So anyways, in-laws, be protective of that. Feelings, emotions, unbiblical isms, we have to be on guard in this. It's sort of like when we talk, listen, I don't have a problem when we talk about current events and this kind of thing because it's part of where our context that we live in, right? And this is things that as Christians we've still got to be on guard for. Some of these things are materialism, protect her from materialism, protect her from perfectionism. All right? And a lot of this will take wisdom in speaking to your wife, but things do not have to be perfect. The house doesn't have to be clean to the tease whenever you walk in from work, and she needs to understand this. Protect her from legalism. Protect her from mysticism. Protect her from humanism. So, one of the things was feminism. one way or another, even more than we know. So how do you deal with, how are some ways to protect from it? Because it's so prevalent that, you know, in our society, It was a lot of feminism coming out. It took me a long time to really work through that, but how do you work through a situation like that? Feminism is, you have to understand what feminism is. Before it carries out an action, it's a philosophy. It is a belief system that is anti-God and anti-Christ. And so it's really set against what God teaches in His Word. So then we go to the Bible and we say, what does God teach about roles. We see that there is distinct roles for the man and the wife. And we understand that there is delegation. But one of the proper ways I think that you can fight against feminism in your home is be a man. Be a man. Because where does feminism thrive when the men are weak and silent and not doing their thing? Because what happens, you see it in the book of Judges, right? What happens in the book of Judges? The men shirk their responsibility and who rises to lead? Deborah, the judge. Deborah's there because the men aren't doing anything. And we see this, I tell you, I've seen it in churches galore. Where it's like you walk in and you're like, okay, who's head of this committee? Who's running this? Who's running this? And it's woman after woman after woman after woman. Why? Because the man won't do anything. So one of the things is understand what the Bible teaches about being a biblical man and stepping up to that. What was Christ's example? How was Christ a man? And then the other thing, I think, look at what feminism wants women to do. They want women to be in places of a man. They want them to do the jobs of a man. And what does the Bible teach? Now, we can go to Ephesians 5, which is a common passage, And I know this is a common passage for women too, but look at what Proverbs 31. Proverbs 31 gives, does not give, a passive woman. It gives a very active woman, does it not? I mean, she is even active in the economy of her household, right? She does things that helps bring in income to her household. But when you see the one passage that says that she brings glory to her husband in the square, I think that even points to the husband was not a passive guy either. He was busy about and involved in the things that he should have been involved in in the community in the square. But because his wife was who she was, she brought him respect among the other men in the square. So, I think Proverbs 31, you think about it. You go to an avowed feminist and you read Proverbs 31. They're not going to like it. They're going to be disgusted by it. Why? Because it talks about being things in the home, taking care of the home. It talks about doing things, you know, a glory to her husband. They don't want that. So I think the Bible really sets against those types of things, against feminism, because it's a lot like what I think Psalms likens to it, as silver tried in the furnace of earth, God's words. You continually act out and live out God's word, it burns away. the junk and the influence of the world. And so, just living in those areas. And wisdom, you know, seeking God for wisdom. You know, how do we...because doesn't the devil always try to repackage his attacks? So each new day, new age comes with a different packaged form of feminism. And so be wise whenever it comes at this, and it's like, wait a second, wait a second, hold up. That's just that repackaged, and be discerning. But it takes being on guard. We can't go to sleep at the wheel, and we have to lead. So this is where I wanted to get to. guidelines for protecting your wife, because I can sit here and teach you guys, hey, protect them from all of these. But if you don't follow these guidelines, you're going to find yourself in some hot water with your wife, and you may find yourself in sin by trying to control her. Okay, so here's, and Lou Priolo writes this, watch out for the danger of micromanaging your wife. Many men out of selfishness, suspicion, jealousy, fear, and ignorance of what the Bible really teaches about such things try to control and protect their wives way beyond what is lawful and necessary. So he gives some guidelines for this, and this is what I wanted to cover. And I'll, you know, we've been at this for a while, so. Number one, be sure that you properly love your wife and understand her. I know what you're thinking. It is impossible to understand this woman. What does 1 Peter tell us? Live with your wife, 1 Peter 3, I think it's verse 7, live with your wife in an understanding way. God would not give you a command if you could not carry it out. You can understand her. It takes time, it takes communication, it takes talking. Understand this too, your wife will change. You know what one of the most profound things that changes your wife? Having children. And it's not just the mere fact of having children. It's each one. She'll change just a little bit after each child. And that kind of thing. And the experiences she goes through with childbirth. So she will change. So in other words, you can't sit there and say, well, I really got to know her whenever we were dating and engaged in that first year of marriage before we started having kids. Man, I know her. and just go to sleep at the wheel. No, she's going to change. You've got to really seek and work at, all right, who is this woman now? And that means understanding her. So seek to love and understand her. I wanna talk a little bit about love tomorrow in the message when we cover 1 John, but here's just a little glimpse of it. Loving someone that pleases you is really not an example of biblical love, of Christ-like love. An example, you don't really experience or get a chance to exhibit Christ-like love until you love someone who is not very kind and loving to you. to love her in those moments, and you need Christ in order to do that, okay? If you are consistently demonstrating Christ's sacrificial love day in and day out, she will probably see your desire to protect her as another evidence of your love for her, all right? I'm gonna get a little bit off, I don't know how to say it. Let me say this, it's not like hard line, boom, and you gotta be careful of seeing this every single time. Is there another? Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself. Number two, be certain you explain biblical basis for the danger you're trying to protect. Okay, this goes along with that point. If you're going to say, honey, I'm not comfortable with you doing something, or spending time with somebody, or this type of thing, you need to know why, and you need to explain it. Because if she's anything like a normal person, that's gonna be your question. Okay, so why? Or what is the problem there? Why? Because our natural human selfish reaction is whenever you say that to her, her natural selfish human reaction is gonna be like, take it as I'm doing something wrong and you're calling me out for doing something wrong. It's offense, right? So, we need to be able to lovingly explain why. Now, I'm gonna give you an exception to that rule, and I'm gonna give you why this is now an area in our marriage where we can exercise it. We don't do it often, it's very rare, but we can exercise it and we're both okay with it, and I'll tell you why. Because early on in our marriage, I recognized this thing that my wife has that many people call female intuition. And again, probably because she didn't do it often. But when she came to me, I remember one time she did it when I was a youth pastor. She came to me and she said, I'm not comfortable with that teenage girl around you. Now, we talked it through. She had nothing to do with my actions towards it. She just saw something in that teenage girl that just made her uncomfortable. And I right away said, that's all you got to say. I'm backing off, I'll say, they're gonna be guardrails like galore. Not gonna do it. We're not gonna put her... The two or three times I did that in our marriage, when she said something like that, and I just respected her, listened to her, and acted on it, built a foundation with her that now, if I come to her and say, I can't explain why right now, I can't articulate it, but I'm not comfortable with this. She'll say, okay. She wants to have the reason, but because I've done that with her, now she trusts me. Now again, that's exception to the rule, okay? That shouldn't be happening like all the time, all right? But when you build this foundation, you will find that you have that kind of trust between the two of you in that way. Be certain to explain a biblical basis for the danger you are trying to protect her from. Number three, if possible, help her find a biblical alternative to the hazard that you are attempting to remove from her life. Daniel, you're probably really familiar with this in the business world, because they used to tell us this. I remember hearing this in Bible college, and I've always liked it. If you're going to be someone that brings up a problem, have a solution ready with it. Don't be the person that sits there and complains about everything. They tend not to get listened to. But if you come to me and you say, I think this is an issue, let me give you two or three solutions I worked out that maybe we can do. Now you have my attention. All right, it's the same way as our relationships with our wives. If you're going to say, I don't like you, I'm not comfortable with you doing this with your time or this, how about we do this instead? You bring a solution. But don't be married to that solution. Because she may have a better idea. Because if you say this, and then she's like, well, what about this? No, I want my way. All right? Talk it through. Find out, because if she's like willing to give that thing up, you know, but she has a better solution, go with that. You ain't got gifts to solutions. Right? So be able to have that open communication with her. Number four, guard your heart against selfishly protecting her out of inordinate desire or fear. And this is where the devil can take a good thing and tempt you to twist it. There is a lot of, I'll tell you what, in 15 years of ministry, I've seen a lot of people mess up. And when I say a lot of people, I'm not talking about people in the church. I'm talking about ministers. I'm talking about pastors. I'm talking about church staff. I've seen a lot of situations. I've seen it in my family. Okay? So to say that it's made me a bit paranoid at times is accurate. It's caused that. So it's caused some things where we've had to have some honest conversations. We have to be on guard and guard our hearts. Because are we concerned about something before we bring something up with our wife? Is what we're doing rational? Is it making sense? Is it in agreement with truth? Or are we just freaking out because our own desires are a little out of whack and we are unsure and not really trusting our wives. You know, I've been there. I'm guilty as charged. Okay, so we need to be on guard because there's times where I've come to her about things and then after we've talked about it, she's talked it with me and I'm like, yeah, you're right. I was being unreasonable because I was giving in to irrational and not truth. Irrational thinking and not truth. Because the truth is, You've never done this. You've never done this. You've never done this. You've never done this. And so, remember that. And that's the thing with this whole subject can be a sensitive topic, right? With protecting your wife. Because if we are not guarding our heart, We can really sin against our wives in trying to exercise some of these things. So we have to be careful that we again are covering this with love and understanding. You know this is supposed to be think about it this way. The idea of protecting your wife is supposed to be born out of love for her not love for yourself. right? Because if it's about love for yourself, then you're protecting her for unrealistic expectations and irrational fears that you don't want this. You will lock her down, and she won't be able to have any friends or go anywhere. That's love for yourself. Love for her is, no, you're your own person, you do this. And a lot of these times, like, I'm not micromanaging Mary at all. It's like, you know, she's doing something and it's like, okay, huh. Something strikes me and I'm like, then I think about it for a couple of days and then we'll have a conversation. But I'll be honest with you, that's like once in like three years, whatever happens. So, just be on guard for that. Make sure that you're, if you have to come to these points ever, But I will say this, I keep going on, right? I have had to do this with relationships and family a couple of times this year already. And she was 100% on board with it every time. And then there are times where like the situation changes and it's like, she'll ask me, she said, are we still being on guard with this? I'm like, no, I think, I think the situation's changed. We don't have to, you know, I understand this too. If you, if you're putting a guardrail in place, that guardrail doesn't have to be permanent. You know, just because the guardrail's there doesn't mean it has to be permanent. I mean, the situation, the, the danger may, may elude, it may separate. So. I think that's where wisdom comes into play. Recognize you have the Word of God, you have the Holy Spirit, you know, don't neglect those, okay? Let me pray and then if we want to discuss anything. Father, thank you so much for your word. Thank you for the guidelines. Thank you for the late Lou Priolo, who's now in glory with you and for his wisdom and a lot of these things. And we pray that you'll help us be men and young men that grow to be servants of you and glorify you and our relationships with our wives. We love you and give you praise in Jesus name. Amen.