Father, as we come now to the scriptures, we acknowledge them to be inspired and errant. Your your word given to us. And we pray, Father, that you would oversee our error and our errancy and enable us to hear your word accurately, that you would illumine our minds by your spirit to that we might not only understand but we might apply and obey your word. Father we we pray then that you would cause your word to go out with effect and power and we pray this in Christ's name. Amen. Philippians chapter two if there is any encouragement in Christ any comfort from love any participation in the spirit any affection and sympathy. complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility, count others more significant than yourselves. Well, we've been studying in this series the psychology and methods of sin as contrasted with what we just read. the mindset and fruit of the spirit in in the believer we've seen that part of the essence of sin is this matter of power and control we see that that sin craves to be God. Satan announced that he would be like the most high in his emissaries that he still sends out today and into Christ's church. like diatrophies it's named by the apostle John come to Christ Church craving power and control and to get it they try to enslave the people of God they want to be worshipped they want God's glory for themselves and therefore they necessarily must bring a false gospel right because if they preach the true gospel they would not receive power and glory for themselves at all. And so it is in such a person's family and marriage. The abusive person is all about maintaining power and control over those around them. And most often, when we see this abuse in action, and from the arena that we've been drawing our illustrations of the psychology of sin from, namely domestic abuse, abuse in marriage, and abuse in the family, on the abusive person is all about maintaining power and control over their spouse over their children over those who are closest to them and last time we left off having learned that one of the most important and one of the most favorite weapons of such an abusive person is secrecy. Secrecy goes along with the very nature of sin sin is darkness Christ's truth is is light and so this kind of thing in particular operates and is empowered by secrecy and we were warned last time we learned that we really do not know the abusive man. Though we think that we do. Remember I'm using the male gender here primarily for a couple of reasons you don't want to hear me say he or she the man or the woman every time we're discussing this and but also the fact of the matter is that that most often this particular sin abuse is one that is committed by a man over a woman though there certainly are abusive women as well. But we do not really know the abusive man because he operates in secrecy. We think, as he intends us to think, that he is a fine man, an emissary, an angel of light, right? One who is a model Christian, even. He can be the go-to guy in a local church. But it's all a facade. It is a mask. And behind that facade is a person who craves to be like the Most High. He craves power. and control and he craves to enslave others to the service and glory of himself and the heart. The sinful heart is so deceitful that that men like this will all of us to a degree remember part of the study is is so that we can understand and identify and recognize in in in us in us as well. But But he the sinner can become a master a master. In deception because the heart is deceitful above all things and desperately wicked who can know it. And so Christ himself God's word tells us that we must be on guard against a diocese right. We need to be on guard against him we cannot assume we can't afford to be duped by his ploy because if we are we will not be in a position to help his victims worse yet. Worse yet and this is far more common than we would like to think worse yet the Christian church churches like ours the evangelical Christian church can find itself aiding the wicked man in his evil. and that happens very, very frequently. The first time Mary was beaten. She was riding in the car with her husband of fifteen years and their three children inadvertently. She gave the wrong direction. Suddenly he turned around and slapped me. She said it was such a shock that night. I had a hemorrhage. Her husband and author Educator and well-respected Christian leader. You hear that author, educator, well-respected Christian leader, continue to brutally beat her for seven years. You have this terrible fear of being alone with him in a room, she said. He's so unpredictable. You don't know when he's going to suddenly turn on you. and then these comments come from a book called battered into submission by James and Phyllis Alderfin published in Eugene Oregon when counselors pastors and the church blame the victim they unwittingly become part of the problem in shifting the focus from abuser to victim. The victim is held responsible for the abuser's violence at a time when she most needs to be empowered. This, in turn, further debilitates a woman whose self-confidence and self-esteem are already depleted. Constantly scanning her environment for clues and mistrusting her own actions, she is caught in an endless thought process of wondering just what she did to cause the violence. And so, think back to Daniel 3. the Daniel three friends thrown into the fiery furnace right they would've been surrounded by people said what you causing trouble. This is your fault that all of this is happening well that's the kind of thing that happens when a victim of an abusive person be it in a local church or other kinds of relationships and most often in a marriage in a home in a family often The victim is blamed for what is happening and what has happened to them. You don't want to be part of that right. You don't want to be part of a trap of assisting a wicked person who's deceived you. So we need we need to learn these things very very carefully for many different reasons caricatures they go on. caricatures such as the one that most battered women have verbally bludgeoned and hammered their husband into action can provide a convenient means for the Christian community to wash his hands of any responsibility in the matter of wife battery. These stereotypes become an embedded perspective trickling down from Christian leader to local pastor to ordinary churchgoer is a myth that battered women deserve to be beaten or that they cause the violence by provoking their men beyond a tolerable point. The psychologist, Lenore Walker, often people recall situations in which the woman seemed to deserve what she got. She was too bossy, too insulting, too sloppy, too uppity, too angry, too obnoxious, too provocative or to something else. The assumption that if the woman had or would change her behavior the batterer would have stopped his violence but Walker found that most women stated that they were taken unaware by the violence demonstrated by their men and could not have predicted that the men would have been so violent. Let's step back for a minute and take it in a little bit of perspective. What are we doing the study we are studying the psychology of the mind that thinking of. Our. But all and that we are doing this by looking at the Scriptures and illustrating the thing specifically by example given to us from study of abuse and fundamentally abusive men in marriages and in relationships because there we see such a clear picture that the curtain is drawn back and we can see a clear picture of how. How can operate and we are also maintaining this remember as part of our thesis as we began that it is the same kind of abuse that you see in in a home with all of the section so forth that is so often introduced into the church by the enemy. to destroy the church happens all the time. There are many churches that are enslaved to diatrophies today. And as we'll see in a moment there is also the scripture shows the second Corinthians eleven that there's something in us. That. Makes us want to submit to someone like that. And we we dare we dare not we dare not do this. We'll talk more in a few moments about this fallacy of thinking that well she kind of got what she deserved. She kind of got what she deserved that somehow the abuser was justified in what in what happened. The same kind of man then as we've been maintaining can exercise his wicked craft of abuse in the church family as well. It is a perfect arena for him to put on his mask to put up his his facade and obtain the power and control over others that he craves. Let me remind you of that of that text in second Corinthians 11 it's a very It's a very important one where Paul. The passage that familiar passage where Paul says that it's not surprising if his. If Satan's emissaries come as they as they do and disguises because Satan himself disguises his comes disguised as an angel of light and then later on in the chapter verse nineteen Paul tells the Corinthians in these false teachers come into the church For you gladly bear with fools being wise yourselves. Now now now there's a warning right there. You gladly bear with fools. What what is it that trips us up here that makes me so susceptible to being duped by diatrophies and his kind. What is it. Pride. That's what Paul's nailing the Corinthians for you gladly bear with fools. He's being facetious. you gladly are fooled by my full profit being wise yourself. There's the problem and then he said for you bear it you bear it if someone makes slaves of you or devours you or takes advantage of your puts on airs or strikes you in the face. Well those are the methods of the spiritual abuser and you. So there are churches where. people these kind of abusive people come maybe their pastor maybe maybe leaders in the church or or or they can come in and other arenas as well and the people just flock around them and there is something I don't have it all figured out certainly myself at this point there is something there that is appealing to us if we are being prideful. There's something there. We like that image of power in that person. We want to identify with that kind of person. So we'll even put up with it if he abuses us. If he abuses us. I heard of one such pastor one time quite quite a long time ago. But he was of the opinion. It sounds ridiculous but the more that you think it through and how evil it is. This is really happened. Pastor who I told his congregation that he had decided that Ford are better than Chevrolet than he expected to see Ford on the parking lot. All right. But the thing is really he was serious. He was not making this then as a as a joke. Well the abuser secrecy before we we move on to take a look at some other weapons in the abuse of man's arsenal and so that we can better understand the nature of working the tactics of sin and the thinking of sin. Let's reinforce this this matter of secrecy that is so characteristic of the abuser and to just emphasize that we're not overstating the importance of the case. All right. Here's some examples. Ezekiel chapter 22. Her Israel's princes. in her midst are like wolves. These are the leaders that were supposed to be looking out for the good of the people. Her princes in her midst are like wolves, tearing the prey, shedding blood, destroying lives to get dishonest gain. That's power and control, right? To get dishonest gain. Her prophets have smeared whitewash for them, seeing false visions and divining lies for them. See all the secrecy, the false visions. live thing that says the Lord when the Lord is not spoken. The people of the land have practiced distortion extortion committed robbery they have oppressed the poor and needy and have extorted from the sojourner without justice in comes along especially when it exercising power it loves to come in secret with with a lot you see false doctrine today Matthew chapter seven Beware of false prophets who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. Now you see we're so familiar with that verse those words spoken by the Lord Jesus that we blow it off. Right. He says being where you need to be on guard. There are false prophets who are going to come to you. They will come to you. They're going to be look they look like Christians. They're going to come in sheep's clothing inwardly. They're ravenous wolves. you will recognize them by their fruits are great gathered from thorn bushes or figs from this also every healthy tree bears good fruit but the disease tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit nor can a disease tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will recognize them by their fruits. Not everyone who says to me Lord Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven but the one who does the will of my father who is in heaven obeying Christ obeying Christ word the great commandment loving one another. You will not find those then present in in the savage in the savage wolf. Acts chapter 20 Paul says to the elders at Ephesus. I think it was I know that after my departure fierce wolves will come in among you. not sparing the flock and from among your own health. Will arise men speaking twisted things to draw away the disciples after them yet power and control come and follow me worship me. Use the people for their own glory second Peter two but these like irrational animals creatures of instinct born to be caught and destroyed. blaspheming about matters of which they are ignorant will also be destroyed in their destruction suffering wrong as the wage for their wrongdoing. They counted pleasure to revel in the daytime. They are blocked and blemishes reveling in their in their deception while they with you. They have eyes full of adultery insatiable for sin. they entice unsteady souls they have hearts trained in greed curse children forsaking the right way they've gone astray. They followed the way of Balaam the son of the or who loved gain from wrongdoing. So here we are warned by Peter right in that this can happen right in our midst you see we need to understand we need to understand that we dare not be we dare not be naive. Well we could go on and on the old and new testaments are full of warnings like this but here's the common elements. The abusive person that doctor fees comes with deception secrecy in disguise what a wonderful person the first time you meet doctor fees what a great person by Christian was so fortunate that they're here deception secrecy in disguise the craving for power and control. greed for personal gain and of course always then a false gospel a distortion of the gospel so we're not overstating the importance of the case. What do you think about this here you might ask this question. It's a beauty person we've been talking about these kinds of this kind of a. of individual you know I see I see the characteristics of an abusive person my own and I hope that you're starting to see that as well so that can can if you're deceived or I'm deceived about our stand that we will see we the Lord will will show that to us you see. But you might think well then you know isn't it can't everybody be an abusive person then to to one degree or another. How can we categorize diatrophies as as worse or whatever. And I think that this is fundamentally this is what it gets down to. Oh and by the way you might ask this you might ask it this way. Is it possible that such a person can be that kind of person and be a Christian. Because surely we know as Christians ourselves that we act we can act that way. Sometimes I'm not interested in what my wife has to say about this matter I'm not going to listen to it all I get angry or whatever you know we can all identify with that kind of a thing is it possible for such a person to be the Christian that he or she professes to be. Here's a fundamental difference between a Christian. And a person who professes to be a Christian but but is not at all and in fact. is a doctor he is one of the abusive individual that we're talking about there's no repentance. There's no repentance. Here's your Christian and you there you will have a violated conscience. You will. If necessary the Lord will torment you until you you repent and you will you can find yourself thinking back on these times when you send this way and think. That was terrible and when you go apologize to the person again. You've you've done this too and so often your your your spouse or or your children. The abusive man that diatrophies does not repent. He doesn't even lose sleep. This fellow that this woman's great Christian leader educator and so on husband that was beating her rest assured he knew he could do that and beat her and go go to bed that night and sleep like a baby. You see that this is the individual that we can really see. The psychology and mindset. In. Well we saw here that in Daniel chapter four that King Nebuchadnezzar had to learn a lesson about power and control. Look at verse seventeen again consider it. The sentence is by the decree of the watchers the decision by the word of the holy ones to the end that for the purpose of the living may know that the most high rules the kingdom of men and give it to whom he will and set over it the lowliest of men see what it turned out to be when God removes power and control from Nebuchadnezzar he he He was shown to be who he really would have been if God had never granted him sovereignty. He's homeless. He's out in the field. He was reduced to an animal status, you see. And so we've been emphasizing this. Power and control belong only to the most high. And any creature, like you or like me or like Nebuchadnezzar, who thinks otherwise the Lord is able to humble very very easily. The king had forgotten all of this and he was about to be reminded. You see again in verse twenty five that you shall be driven from among men and your dwelling shall be with the beast of the field. You shall be made to eat grass like an ox and you shall be wet with the dew of heaven and seven periods of time shall pass over you. until you know that the most high rules the kingdom of men and give it to whom he will. So, it is God alone that rules. It is God alone who inherently in his own being possesses power and control, and so it was carried out. The judgment was carried out on Nebuchadnezzar. Verse 29, at the end of 12 months, he was walking on the roof of the royal palace of Babylon, and look at his words. betrayed perfectly his mind that the king answered and said. Is not this great Babylon which I have built by my mighty power as a royal residence and for the glory of my majesty. While the words were still in the king's mouth there fell a voice from heaven. Okay never can answer to you is spoken the kingdom has departed from you you shall be driven from among men and your dwelling shall be with the beast of the field you should be made to eat grass like an ox and seven periods of time shall pass over you until you know that the most high rules the kingdom of men and give it to you will now in Nebuchadnezzar here before he was humble we see a perfect illustration of how of the mind that of the power control crazy abusive man. He looked at himself and he looked at his church. He looked at his family and his children and he said. These are all here for me. If he considers them to be great and then he will be there for their I've I've built them. I've done for my out of my own mighty power and for the glory of my magic and he doesn't have them. He knows that he deserves to have and he will do anything that he can in order to get them. Now here's a word that we need to become very familiar with because it is so descriptive not only of the abuse of man it is so descriptive of the essence of entitlement. It's an ugly word it's a great because it's so accurate entitlement. I'm thinking that within maybe next week or the following week we need to consider King David. He looked at Bathsheba what and you know maybe the title of the sermon is something like what was he thinking we can tell you what he was thinking on the King. I have power and sovereignty. I want that I am entitled to that. and I am justified in doing anything including murdering her husband in order to get. It will. David was a Christian David was a regenerate man how how how can he be an abuse and he repented in the when he was confronted the abusive man would sleep that night and the night after like a baby. This is the nature of entitlement listen to Lundy Bancroft. Talk about this entitlement is the abuser remember Bancroft is a man not Christian to my knowledge that works with abusive men thousands. Entitlement is the abuser's belief that he has a special status. And that it provides him with exclusive rights and privileges that do not apply to his partner. usually his wife. The attitudes that drive abuse can largely be summarized by this one word entitlement to understand entitlement. We first need to look at how right should properly be conceived of in a couple in a home or in a family and we will do that in a moment. Now let me just say this before I read on again. Bancroft, to my knowledge, is not a Christian. He does not like the doctrines of headship in submission to that headship in the marriage that are presented in the scripture. Frankly, I sympathize with him. Why? because I don't believe those documents I believe those documents but the reason he doesn't like them if he has heard over and over and over again as an unsaved man people professing abusive men professing to be Christians coming and quoting these verses to support their sin. And so he he thinks that that's what the Bible teaches but at any rate. He will not be bankrupt won't use exactly. Biblical language and we wouldn't expect him to but let's see if we can hear his point here. He said. The man right and first of all I can say let's let's look at a relationship in a marriage as it should be. Now this is how Bancroft sees it in a marriage that's healthy. All right. The man's rights and the woman's rights are the same size. and what he does he uses circle illustrate this and he had to circle one man one for the woman of the same time all right representing the man's right and the woman's right and then a little smaller one for the children right and she'll explain in a moment. Now think about another purpose of us looking at this and this in in this series and specifically in this matter the sin of abuse is that We as a church do not want to end up being used by wicked men to justify them in their abuse and one way that we can do that is by teaching the doctrine of headship and submission if he's in five years and six and maybe not prevent presenting a clear picture of what it is not. Right we have to take care we want to understand. What do you think about the statement. the man's right the husband's right and the woman's right are the same are equal. Well let me let me just maybe tell you what you're thinking. This is how I thought I first read that sentence and I thought well now wait a minute now now here he goes he's going to be a. Wait a minute. Does a man. Are the right the right. Of a husband. and the right of a woman. The wife in a marriage do they both have right and the same amount of right. The answer is absolutely yes and if you think wrong if you think not. Then you're thinking needs to be tweaked by Scripture. Headship and submission don't mean what she has fewer rights than him that that isn't it that is not it at all you see he goes on. they have the right to have their opinions and desires respected. To have fifty percent say in decision-making. Now think of that again, right? When we hold to the teaching of Ephesians 5, headship and submission to that headship and so on, are we saying then that the wife does not have an equal input into decision-making? I hope that that's not what we're saying. I don't think what's being taught there in Scripture is why you just shut up and and I will make I will make the decision right but we can give that impression to an abusive man who's looking for. When we teach the documents if we don't teach them carefully. they have the right to have their opinions and desires respected to have fifty percent in decision-making to live free from verbal abuse and physical harm. The children's rights are somewhat smaller, but substantial nonetheless. Children cannot have an equal say in decisions because of their limited knowledge and experience, but they do have the right to live free from abuse and fear, to be treated with respect, and to have their voices heard on all issues that concern them. Do we believe that? Do we believe that children who are in submission to their parents can have a right to have the right to be heard to have input in decisions that concern them. I hope that we do. I hope that we would listen to their input. Now he goes on. However an abuser perceives the right of the family like this. All right. So now here he uses some different circles. Here's a great big circle that represents, say, the husband, the abuser, and then a pretty much smaller circle that represents the wife, and then a really small one then for the children. Here, in this relationship, the abusive relationship, not only are the rights of his partner, his wife and children diminished, with some abusers those little circles disappear altogether, But his rights are greatly inflated entitlement. You see my bankrupt says my fundamental task as a counselor is to get the abusive man to expand his perception of his partners and children's rights to their proper size and to shrink his view of his own rights down to where it belongs. Now here's here's where we say well thank you. Lundy bankrupt. Thank you for your insight. But I feel sorry for you because How are you ever going to get such a person to change their mind? They're very fundamental mindset in how they view. How are you? How are you going to get a person to think more highly of others than themselves? As Christ is the only way this has got to be a radical change of heart, a transformation that that only Christ can can effect. let me if we can summarize this on husband for example parents church leaders government officials you have no inherent power control or authority resident in you by mere virtue of virtue of who you are the person. Nebuchadnezzar haughtily thought that he did he spoke of my power and my glory. But once the Lord removed the kingdom authority, the sovereignty to rule from the king, he became nothing more than an animal. And so it is with us. Men, you have no inherent resident right in you to exercise power and control over your wife and children. You have an arm, you have eyes, you have feet and so on. But your being does not include, by nature, power and control. It is all alien to us and to the degree that we are called to exercise authority that authority is only granted to us by the Lord and we are expected to exercise it exactly as he instructs. Right. You see this in Nebuchadnezzar. His power and authority and control and sovereignty were removed just like that because they didn't belong to him. They did not originate in him. When a person, like a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, example of an abuser's Bill of Rights. This is how he thinks. Or she thinks. It could be a woman, right? This is how they think. This is how sin thinks. Here is my Bill of Rights, these inalienable rights that are mine. And here are some of the most common ones. The abusive, power-hungry individual sees himself as having the right to physical caretaking. What does that mean? physical caretaking. This is the simple self-inaction. This means that the abuser expects his wife to make dinner for him just the way he likes it. Look at any. Ask understand that he does not request. Look after the children clean the house and perform countless other tasks. He sees his wife is basically an unpaid servant. I work hard all day and when I come home I expect a little peace and quiet. if his wife failed at the half the abuser feels fully justified to rain harsh criticism down upon her and of course she rarely measures up to his expectations. All right. Physical caretaking. Emotional caretaking. Here's another one. Self on the throne. All right. Emotional caretaking. Ray swore at Mary Beth for quote ignoring him for two days. Why was she ignoring him while she was looking for their missing son. Ray war at Mary Beth for ignoring him for two days while she looked for her missing son. His problem raised problem was that he believed that nothing not even a missing child should interfere with Mary Beth duty to meet his emotional needs. She must listen to him talk endlessly about himself. he is expected to sacrifice even a little time doing something that she enjoyed. She must drop everything to him when he's feeling down. And she is expected to anticipate all of his emotional needs. The abuser expects everyone to be focused on him. The thing that he listened to this now the thing that such a person is doing at the moment. is expected to be regarded as the most important thing above all else to everyone even if it is a stupid useless thing. Right. Sin is ugly isn't it. Self. Ugly. This is what Christ came to deliver us this is this is this is who we we were apart from apart from Christ. And abuser. And another thing that will happen under the emotional caretaking. Here's a grown man can get a little cut on his finger and expect the whole whole thing and boy if he doesn't get that attention. Look out. You see an abuser can seen emotionally it should be emotionally desperate. and you can be aware of this you can get caught in a trap of catering to him trying to fill a bottomless pit but he is not so much needy as entitled. So no matter how much you give them it will never be enough. Imagine being married to a guy who loves to be first. Sexual caretaking and we're not in this particular setting we're not going to go into detail about this but don't get the impression that this is not that somehow this is uncommon. Extremely common as you would expect. Suffice it to say that here it is always always about his needs his desires and so on. In contrast listen to the scriptures listen to the scriptures talk about right in relation to sexuality and marriage. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights and likewise the wife to her husband. for the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that you may devote yourself to prayer, but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Be assured that that pattern is not the philosophy of entitlement in the abusive man's mindset. deference deference. This is another one of the right that that the abusive man sees himself entitled to deference. This means that the abuser considers himself entitled to have his case and his opinions treated as edicts. We are to defer to him once he has made the pronouncement for instance that a certain movie is shallow or that Republicans don't know how to manage the economy. His wife is supposed to accept his view unquestioningly. It's especially important to him. Here's the secrecy coming back in. It is especially important to him that she not disagree with him in front of other people. If she does, he may later yell at her or worse for making him look like a fool. His unstated rule is that she is not to question his ideas. How well do you respond to you to what degree do we expect deference to our opinions. And finally here's another one here's one of the right entitlement demands. Freedom from accountability. In the abusive and considers himself to be beyond criticism. He may even become retaliatory if anyone tries to get him to look at look to look at it if you go read about the occupies and third John you'll find out that exactly what he did if anybody opposed. He put them out of the church right retaliation. This is more than merely not wanting anyone to disagree with his opinion. This is the notion that he is entitled to do whatever he wants no matter the damage to others and never be called to account for it. Bancroft gives this example of an actual exchange between him and just such a man. Here's how it works. Here we go Bancroft. Can you explain to me why you are joining this abuser counseling group. Guys named Hank. Well I slapped my girl my girlfriend a few weeks ago and now she says I can't come back in the house unless I get counseling. What led up to your abuse were you arguing. Yes. and she accused me of having an affair that really made me mad. How many of you think about the deception. How many of you would think of asking this question. The bankrupt asset. Well were you having an affair. Hank Paul is a little startled by my question. Well yeah but she had no proof. She shouldn't go saying things like that when she has no proof. and Bancroft comments Hank reserved for himself the privilege entitlement of being critical of his partner a privilege that he exercised a great deal but complaints against him. He was quick to stifle the abusive man's high entitlement leads him to have unfair and unreasonable expectations so that the relationship revolves around his demands. His attitude is you owe me for each ounce he gives he wants a pound in return. He wants his partner to devote herself fully to catering to him, even if it means that her own needs or her children get neglected. A spouse of such a person can pour all of their energy into keeping him or her content. This is part of the enslavement, you see. But if he has this mindset, he'll never be satisfied for long. He will keep feeling that you are controlling him because He does not believe that you should set any limits on his conduct or insist that he meet his responsibilities. Now we kind of find Hank's response there. So ridiculous that it's a laughable but he really believes that and it's not laughable if you're married to a person like that or it's not laughable if you're in a church that dominated by a by a diatrophies you see. Well, let's look at just one more weapon in the arsenal of the of the wicked man here of the abusive man. And this one is the element of surprise. The element of surprise. This one is devastatingly powerful and destructive since sin sees itself as justified and entitled. It sees anyone who interferes with its power and control to be the enemy right. And by the way. This is what can make it so difficult. To come to terms to seeing the abusive man the doctor fees either in a marriage in a church or other relationship for what he really is this was so difficult about it. Because you have to come down to the realization that. Take a wife, for example, married to an abusive man. She has to come to the realization that he never did love me or have my good in his heart. He always was malevolent toward me. And that is a tough thing to get hold of. But that's the beginning of getting healed and freed from this kind this kind of thing. Now, such a man then will view anyone that he perceives to be a threat to his power and control as an enemy to be dealt with. And how do you deal with enemies? Well, one of the tactics is surprise attack. Surprise attack. And so this becomes very common. Very common tactic used by such a person. Listen to Patricia Evans describe the thing. The second pattern which the partner may, in a marriage, may recognize in verbal abuse is that the interaction which abuses, which upsets, hurts, or confuses her is unexpected. It's a surprise attack. The incident occurs when the partner feels everything's fine. The wife, you know, everything's fine. We're having a good time here. there's no argument nor are there any other indication that the relationship is not harmonious and this is why this is what demonstrates by the way that it is that it is wrong to say that if the victim would would be a better person with better life or whatever that somehow that would study would quit contributing to the what they found is that the surprise attack it happens when for no reason at all well there is a reason but the reason doesn't lie within the victim. Here's an example. Cora described the following incident, which brought the insight to her. Something is really wrong. She said, I began to notice that when we were together, enjoying what I thought was a pleasant time, something would happen and I'd feel sick inside. I remember the time I parked the car in a dirt lot at a country craft fair and Kurt, her husband, asked, are you going to leave the parking receipt on the dashboard? We were out of the car. I glanced around and said oh I guess not. No one else seems to have. Kurt became furious and just screamed quit giving me all that flag. I was shocked. He was so unexpectedly violent. I was so stunned and felt so much pain I couldn't even catch my breath to answer him. I was afraid and I thought something's really wrong. Now, think about this aspect of sin. Sin feeds on power and control, right? I will be like God. Therefore, any threat, any perceived threat to that power and control is going to be attacked. Get this. Peace, peace, good times, good times are a threat to power and control, right? Hitler wants war. And so does the abusive person. When things are going well in a relationship, the abuser's control and power are not very evident. There even appears to be a pleasant, it looks like we're cooperating here. It looks like there's a co-equal relationship. And the abuser can't have that. Can't have it. So he launches his surprise attack, at least in part to remind his victim and himself, he is in control. and so he becomes the master of the unprovoked. No amount of change on her part will ever solve the problem. The problem is not in her sin in its very nature is malevolent. It is ill will and hatred toward its victim towards its object. Jesus said it Johnny forty four. the Pharisees, you are your father, the devil, your will is to do your father's desire with his will. He was a murderer from the beginning. And he's and he's a he's a liar. Evil is evil. It's evil through and through. It cannot stand to see good happening to others. First John three. We should not be like King. who was of the evil one and murder his brother. Why do you murder him. Right. Why do you murder him. Because his own deeds were evil and his brothers were righteous and the more righteous able would be the more he hated him. Right. The problem lay within within. Well we want to plan to continue on with our study of the abusive man as an illustration of how it thinks what its tactics are and to try to contrast them with the mindset of the of the spirit of the spirit of God. But as we as we draw things to a close today. Consider this matter of power and control once more and consider consider true power. True righteous power as it exists only in God himself. Listen to the London Confession of Faith. I was reading through the London Confession of Faith and scripture as well. London Confession is not scripture but but the word power appears in it all the time. The power of God. Here's an example. Factual calling those whom God is predestined unto life. He is pleased in his appointed and accepted time effectually to call by his word and spirit out of that state of sin and death in which they are by nature to grace and salvation by Jesus Christ enlightening their mind spiritually and savingly to understand the things of God taking away their heart of stone. and giving to them a heart of flesh renewing their will and by his almighty power determining them to that which is good and affectionately drawing them to Jesus Christ. Yet, so as they come most freely being made willing by his grace, this effectual call is of God's free and special grace alone, not from anything at all foreseen in man nor from any power or agency in the creature. co-working with his special great the creature being wholly passive therein being dead and is without power in sins and trespasses until being quickened and renewed by the Holy Spirit. He is thereby enabled to answer this call and to embrace the grace offered and conveyed in it and that by no less power than that which raised up Christ from the dead. God Almighty power all power rest rest in God and that the only reason there's a gospel is by his power that we even exist that the universe is held together and it is all it is by his power that his son was raised and from from the dead and that we have a savior. God alone wields his power righteously unlimited power in the hands of wicked men. is a horror. Limited power in the hands of a limited God provides no hope. But what do we have. We have a perfect God with perfect power and if that were not the case we would have perished long long ago. What shall we say to these things of God is for us who can be against He did not bear his own son, but gave him up for us all. How will he not also with him graciously give us all things who shall bring any charge against God's elect. It's God who justifies who is to condemn Christ. Jesus is the one who died more than that, who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who is indeed in interceding for us, who then shall separate us from the love of Christ, shall tribulation or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword. As it's written for your sake were being killed all the day long were regarded as cheap to be slaughtered. No in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life nor angels nor rulers nor things present or things to come nor powers nor height nor depth nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord and all of that. from his mighty power. Well, may the Lord humble us and enable the wrecking in able to see us for who we are and who he is. Let's pray. Father, as we study this topic of sin and clear illustrations of an inaction. every one of us is is convicted of abuse of power. Acting like Nebuchadnezzar is if it belonged to us and we were somehow we are inherently entitled to certain rights when in fact the only thing we enter this world entitled to is hell. Your great father is the very opposite of entitlement. You have given us what we are not entitled to and we thank you for it we thank you for our salvation in Christ father there be any of us that are characteristically. Abusive. Father we pray that that you would turn on the turn on the lights and by your power bring conviction and and repentance and. and father we pray that as as a church and as families and husbands and wives that we would be enabled to see. To not be duped by a doctor fees and we pray this all in Christ's name.