Our scripture reading for this morning is Song of Solomon, chapter four, verse one through chapter five, verse one. Solomon and the Shulamite are married. The wedding ceremony is over and the first night of married life is about to begin. Why would God have such an intimate personal night in the life of a married couple recorded? The answer isn't too hard. God has a lot to say about when not to be intimate physically. So it shouldn't surprise us that he also tells us when it is good and how to go about it and make it as meaningful as he has designed it to be. I will be reading Song of Solomon, chapter four, verse one through chapter five, verse one from the New American Standard Bible. You're welcome to follow along or listen carefully as I read. How beautiful you are, my darling, how beautiful you are. Your eyes are like doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats that have descended from Mount Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of newly shorn ewes which have come up from their washing, all of which bear twins and not one of them has lost her young. Your lips are like a scarlet thread and your mouth is lovely. Your temples are like a slice of pomegranate behind your veil. Your neck is like the tower of David built with rows of stones, on which are hung a thousand shields, all the round shields of the mighty men. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, which feed among the lilies. Until the cool of the day, when the shadows flee away, I will go my way to the mountain of Myrrh and to the hill of frankincense. You are altogether beautiful, my darling, and there is no blemish in you. Come with me from Lebanon, my bride. May you come with me from Lebanon. Journey down from the summit of Amana, from the summit of Sinir and Hermon, from the dens of lions, from the mountains of leopards. You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride. You have made my heart beat faster with a single glance of your eyes, with a single strand of your necklace. How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride. How much better is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your oils than all kinds of spices? Your lips, my bride, drip honey. Honey and milk are under your tongue, and the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon. A garden locked, my sister, my bride, a rock garden locked, a spring sealed up. Your shoots are an orchard of pomegranates with choice fruits. Hannah with nard plants, nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with all of the trees of frankincense, myrrh and aloes, along with all the finest spices. You are a garden spring, a well of fresh water and streams flowing from Lebanon. A Waco north wind and come wind of the south, my garden breathe out fragrance. Let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden and eat his choice fruits. I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride. I have gathered my myrrh along with my balsam. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey. I have drunk my wine and my milk. Eat, friends, drink and imbibe deeply of lovers. The more I think about it, Brother Carl, you were the right guy to read this today because yesterday was his anniversary. Right. Well, on a particular Sunday, a fifth grade Sunday school class was studying family and marriage, and after presenting what the Bible says, the teacher asked the class, so what does God say about marriage? And one particular boy who really wasn't paying much attention, but like to respond and get attention, raised his hand and said, I know, I know. And so she said, all right, what does God say about marriage? And boldly, he proclaimed, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. Now, we make all kind of jokes about marriage, but marriage is no joking matter. Marriages and families are the very fabric of our nation. And our nation, our nation, is falling apart because marriages are falling apart. If you think that our national debt is about 15 trillion dollars, no. No. Our national debt is millions of aborted babies, millions of unwanted children, abandoned children, Millions of self-centered individuals who want what they want when they want it and when they don't get it, then they go somewhere to get it. If they can't get it at Kmart, they go to Walmart. If they can't get it at Church X, they go to Church Y. And if they can't find it in this marriage, they look for another marriage. That's our national debt against God. That's why this book is so important for us, isn't it? As we've been going through Song of Solomon, the courtship, how to individuals prepare themselves for God designed marriage, the wedding ceremony and what ceremonies mean to God and all that they symbolize. And as Brother Carl said in that introduction, and now the wedding night, you would think, well, Lord, why in the world did you put this in the Bible? But God has a lot to say about sex. And the world thinks that, well, you know, Christians and God, they're somehow puritanical. By the way, the Puritans had a really good biblical view of it, but that's the terminology that the world uses puritanical. And it's a no, no. And you can't do that. And we're familiar with that. And many people understand that or at least think that way. But what does God have to say about it? Many, many positive things that we're going to look at here. When I looked up the top 10 reasons for marriages failing in the US, at least the current list on a number of lists, what do you think was listed as the number one reason for divorce? No, used to be. Now, the number one reason that's listed is lack of commitment. The promises that I made, whether we have money or don't have money, whether you are healthy or whether you are not healthy. I will keep my vows and my promises to you until death parts us. Not anymore. No. As long as we both shall love, as long as you make me feel good or I feel good about you. OK, we'll stick together. Now on that list, that was number one, lack of commitment. What do you think number two was? This was interesting to me right across the board. Number two was communication. No communication. And what has been the focus of Song of Solomon and all the verses that we've looked at so far? Communication, the communication that they have with each other. In fact, we're going to see that in the chapter here as well. But in all of those lists listed in the top five of reasons for failing marriages, sex was one of those reasons. God has a lot to say about it. If I could summarize it, I would summarize it like this. Sex outside of God designed marriage is sin. We learned last week, didn't we? That just because somebody says, well, I believe they're married in the eyes of God, that Jesus puts that to rest by saying, no, that's not true. In John, chapter four and verse 18, what does he say to the woman at the well? And the man that you now have is not your husband. And so that is not biblical at all, but sex inside of God designed marriage is very, very good and God blesses it. And even though we're accused of being negative about it, God has a lot of positive things to say. That's what this chapter makes abundantly clear. And so as we look at these verses from verse one of chapter four through verse one of chapter five, we're going to focus our attention on four principles. Four principles which every couple can have in terms of a satisfying God honoring physical relationship. And the first one is this in verses one through seven intimacy. That is the physical relationship that a couple has in marriage requires preparation. Now, that is abundantly clear from what we see is Solomon is saying in these verses. In verse one, he says, how beautiful you are, my darling, how beautiful you are in verse seven, you are altogether beautiful. And so there is a lot of and I trust you notice his brother Carl read this that Solomon himself does most of the speaking. Up until this point, it has been largely the Shulamite, but now it's Solomon. And I've heard that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach. Boy, that was easy. The way to a woman's heart is through her ears. Solomon by what she hears in terms of what her spouse is saying to her. Now, when I looked at the first part there of verse one and also verse seven, he says, how beautiful you are, my darling, how beautiful you are. He concludes the section in verse seven by saying, you are all together beautiful, my darling. that I'm sure their husbands who are going to say, well, you know, when when I got married, yeah, yeah, my wife is beautiful, but now. Well, I think Solomon would say this, wouldn't you? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Your wife's beauty should be clear to you now. Then when you first came together as young people and your focus was on that outward beauty, But time gives you the opportunity in light of what God says to look at your your spouse and to say there's a beauty that goes beyond skin deep. Now in verse in the second part or the first part of verse one and also verse seven, how beautiful you are. This preparation that he makes in terms of their physical relationship begins by what he says. Once again, it's largely communication. It's what he says. And men who are of the opinion that you told your wife once that you loved her or that she's beautiful, you need to revisit that and say, OK, well, the way to my wife's heart is through her ears. And so I am going to follow the wisest man who ever lived outside of our Lord Jesus Christ and look at what he does in terms of this intimate relationship and mimic it. That would be a good thing to do. And to say these kind of words to your wife. Now, that's required in other passages in the Bible, isn't it? How about 1 Peter 3, verse 7? You husbands likewise live with your wives, how? In an understanding way. So I've helped you here, alright? Through her ears. By what you say you want to kill intimacy. Then say things that aren't good that aren't according to Ephesians chapter 4 and verse 29. I have that verse too. Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth. And here we have it in terms of what Solomon is doing for his bride for his spouse, but only such a word as is good for what building up according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear." And listen to what Solomon says in Proverbs 16, verse 24. Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. And so for those husbands who say, you know, that wedding night was a long time ago, I want to give you some advice, OK? Here we go. You can say this. In the beginning, I was focused on your outward beauty. As time has passed and outward beauty fades, I see that your beauty goes far beyond the outward. What do you think, guys? Now, here's why I say that, that's why this is why I'm giving you that advice, because Proverbs chapter 31 and verse 30 says charm is deceitful and beauty is What's the next word vain. But a woman who fears the Lord she will be praised. Beauty is vain. You mean there's no meaning or rhyme or reason to beauty whatsoever. No that's not the point. In fact that word vain is used in Ecclesiastes chapter 1 verse 2 very next book. And it has the idea, some translations translate it like this. It's meaningless. It's like a chasing after the wind. It's like a bubble without its skin. It evaporates, it fades away. And so as our beauty fades away, it's that inner beauty that's so important. In fact, Proverbs chapter 11 and verse 22 says, like a gold ring in a pig's nose. Is there anyone here that's unfamiliar with pigs? I mean, we all live in Wayne County. I mean, they go out and root in the yuckiest of places. So what good would it do to have a gold ring in a pig's nose? It's meaningless, it's vain, but here's the rest of the verse. Like a gold ring in a pig's nose, so is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion. You see, beauty has no meaning at all if the inner beauty isn't there. That's why in first Peter chapter three, God says the things that are precious in my sight are a gentle and quiet spirit. And I think all the guys could say, yeah, I could do that. I could say in the beginning, I was focused on your outward beauty, but as time has passed and our beauty fades, I see that your beauty goes far beyond the outward. OK, guys, that's your assignment. Got it. Now, what Solomon does here in these verses two from the second part of verse one through verse six is he weaves together not only what he says, but what he sees. And so the preparation for intimacy is a combination of what he sees and what he says. He describes here eight features of her person, OK? The second part of verse one, he begins with her eyes. Your eyes are like doves behind your veil. In the ancient Near East, and even in some places today when they get married, you know, the veil is going to cover her face right below her eyes. So the only thing that he can see right now is her eyes. He is focused on her eyes. And he says your eyes are like doves. They are soft and sensitive. And then he says in verse one, your hair is black and wavy. Say what? That's not what my Bible says. He calls her hair goats. Well, but that's because Mount Gilead, which is there near the Sea of Galilee, was the Palestinian goats, which are black, come down that mountain and they're waving down the mountain and on the horizon they have black hair. And so he sees this black waviness and he's using that figure of speech to say you have beautiful black wavy hair. You have soft and sensitive eyes. Verse two, your teeth are like a flock of newly shorn ewes. I mean, you have really even beautiful teeth. You could sign up, you could fill out the application for Crest commercials on TV and they would put you on as their model. You just have a beautiful smile. Not only her teeth, but then he goes to her lips. Verse three, your lips are like a scarlet thread. And so for her wedding night, she has put this red lipstick on her lips. And then he says also in verse three, and your mouth is lovely. Now, that's interesting to me. that he talks about her lips and then describes her mouth. And I don't think that he's talking about her physical mouth, he's not looking in her mouth and saying, boy, your gums and your tongue, they look so good. I think I think it's more like the idea of your lips are beautiful and out of your mouth come pleasant words. Our communication is excellent. I love your mouth because of what you speak. And then he says, your temples, verse three, are like a slice of a pomegranate. And I think as he pulls the veil down and she's kind of blushed along her cheek, she has high cheekbones and it appears very beautiful to him. And then he says, your neck is like the Tower of David, stately with the jewelry that accents her neck. And then regarding her breasts, he uses a figure of speech which emphasizes her feminine grace and softness. And so, as he works his way down, as he describes her, he is preparing for physical intimacy by what he sees and what he says. So, men, what have you learned from this? Well, you should learn at least two things, alright? That time and tenderness produce God-designed intimacy. You should learn that even if you find it hard to compliment your wife on some of her features, there are other features that you can compliment her on. You should you should learn that your approach and the process produces God designed intimacy. Did you notice my pause? That's so that'll sink in. That your approach And the process produced God-designed intimacy. You know, many men feel unfulfilled after intimacy. It's because there isn't good preparation. They haven't followed God's design for how it should happen. So that's principle number one. There is preparation. Principle number two in verses 8 through 11 is that there is anticipation. Five times in these verses, in verses 8-12, Solomon calls her my bride. And his emphasis is on the fact that they are one. I am his and he is mine. Right? Just like we sang in the song. He focuses what? He focuses on himself? No. He focuses on her. He's not the kind of guy who says, well, come on, give me what I want. Not at all. He's cultivating preparation with anticipation because good preparation produces eager anticipation. In fact, here in these verses, in verses eight and nine, good or God designed anticipation develops excitement. When you heard verse eight read, what did you think about that? He says, come with me from Lebanon, my bride, may you come down with me from Lebanon, journey down from the summit of Amman, from the summit of Sinair and Herman. Did you think, oh, he must be saying, forget Herman, you know, that old boyfriend of yours, forget him. No, that that's not what he's saying, that's not what he's saying, but the idea is correct. He's encouraging her to put aside all those past fears and anxieties that she might have from the dens of lions, from the mountains of leopards, in the place where you lived. Now, this is pretty unnerving, isn't it? You've left your hometown and everything that's familiar to you, and you've given your life to this man, and now you've moved to another place, and it's a little unsettling, and so I want you to feel completely at ease. And trust me, Because God designed real intimacy includes a total absorption of soul and spirit. This is this is so crucial, a total absorption of soul and spirit. It is not simply a physical act. That is why God is against sex outside of marriage. In fact, here's Solomon, would you turn back to Proverbs chapter five? Listen to what he says there. He's a little older now. As God directs him to write these words, Proverbs 5, beginning at verse 15. Drink water from your own cistern and fresh water from your own well. Should your springs be dispersed abroad, streams of water in the streets, let them be yours alone and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth. as a loving hind and a graceful doe. Let her breast satisfy you at all times. Be exhilarated, intoxicated." Same word that's used in chapter 5, verse 1 of Song of Solomon. Always with her love. For why should you, my son, be exhilarated with an adulteress and embrace the bosom of a foreigner? And if you read the entire chapter and the entire section, chapter five and chapter six, what you find out is, is that you find out that if you take this route, if you go another route away from this, the wife of your youth, you're going to be ruined socially. You're going to be ruined financially. You're going to be ruined in so many other ways. And there are people today that can testify to that. Somebody asked me recently, they said, yeah, but how do you stay committed in light of all the sexual temptation that surrounds you. Well, what's the number one cause for divorce? Lack of commitment. That's how you stay the course. You remember your promises and your vows, and you ask God for help in fulfilling what you have promised. But as he creates this anticipation, with excitement. Notice what verse 9 says, You have made my heart beat faster, my sister, my bride. You've stolen my heart five times in this book. He uses the term my sister. Now, I'm sure that for most American guys, he's saying, or you're thinking to yourself, I don't know if I'd ever call my wife my sister. Because I remember my football coach saying, you know, we're not going to settle for any ties. That's like kissing your sister. So you had this idea that, oh, that's not good. Well, that's not the point. The point that he's making here is that they are not just lovers, but they are friends. He's using this term to denote a close bond, a close bond that they have become because they're becoming one flesh. Has this sunk in for you? When you get married, you're now of the same family. Wife changes her name to the last name of the husband because she is now of this family. That's what marriage does. Remember last week when we looked at v. 11 of chapter 3? On the day of his wedding, remember the word wedding? The Hebrew word means to cut into. that one is placed in the other. They become one. And so marriage makes the two of the same family. So there is excitement when anticipation is done according to the way that God spells it out. And that kind of anticipation nourishes verbal expression. We see that in verses 10 and 11. How beautiful is your love, my sister, my bride. God-designed physical intimacy is preceded by tender words and tender caresses, because the word love in verse 10 means love-making. Now, the New Testament says the same thing, by the way. Hebrews chapter 13 and verse 4. I think we have that on PowerPoint too. It says this, let marriage be held in honor among all and let the marriage bed be undefiled. Well, the term that they translate marriage bed means the physical relationship, the physical intimacy that a couple has. It's undefiled because it's in God's design plan for marriage. So their intimacy before intercourse, these are God designed to make the physical relationship fulfilling and God honoring. That's the point of Hebrews 13, 14. And he says in verse 11, Your lips, my bride, drip honey. Honey and milk are under your tongue. Now, that verse should put to rest forever the myth that that kind of kissing originated in France. And it also reminds me of the story that I read about a young couple, they were sitting in the garden. And as they were sitting talking to each other, a couple of dogs came in and they were watching them. And you know how dogs are. They lick each other, licking their mouths. And the young man looked at the young lady and he said, you know, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to do that. And she said, well, I wouldn't mind, but I think you ought to be really careful because that one dog looks really mean. Good words. So anticipation that nourishes verbal expression. So there's good preparation, God design, anticipation. And then in verses 12 through 15, there's appreciation. God design. Fulfilling an intimate relationship requires appreciation. Now, that should be a no brainer, right? In verses 12 through 15. A garden locked is my sister, my bride, a rock garden locked, a spring sealed up. And he begins to describe her and this beautiful relationship that they have intimately as like a garden. Like fruits and flowers and spices. But it should be a no brainer to us that there's appreciation because 1 Thessalonians chapter 5 and verse 18 says, in everything give thanks. For this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus. And he describes her like a garden with all this produce that he's enjoying. And so, you know, if you guys look at this and you say, all right, Pastor Ike, I'm going to take your advice and I'm going to read Song of Solomon, then I'm going to say to my wife, you know, honey, you're like a garden to me, weeds and all. Don't do that. OK, don't do that. You're like a garden to me because not only the beauty that I see in you, but the God-designed relationship that He's given to us. Tell her how much you love her. Not just in the bedroom, but often. Tell her in front of your children so that they'll see how it works as well. So as he describes her in these verses, verses 12 through 15, he uses this figure of speech of a garden locked up because he's giving thanks first and foremost for her purity. She has kept herself locked up. She has kept herself solely for him. But this is a relationship where there is true virginity because she's done exactly what God wants her to do. And Solomon praises her for this. And he appreciates it and he says, You are a garden spring, a well of fresh water that you have kept for me. And that's why he says often he's going to say it again in verse one of chapter five, it's for me. I always appreciate a clean glove or a clean glass. And I imagine there are people that would read this and say, you know, I wish that were true of me, but it's not. But the Lord can change that, can't he? by asking for forgiveness of sins, premarital sin, and saying, Lord, please forgive me. The blood of Jesus Christ will do what? Wash away every sin. But you have to confess with your mouth. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us of our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Even dirty glasses can be cleaned and made useful. And so God can do for us as well. And then he says also in verse 15, he gives thanks for her full permission. You are a garden spring, a well of fresh water and streams flowing from Lebanon. He describes her giving of herself to him completely as a sealed fountain opened up a garden unlocked. Now, I don't know if you've ever read Ed Wheat's book called Love Life for Every Married Couple, but I would recommend it to you. And this is what he says on page 79. Some interesting studies have been done to determine underlying emotional factors that hinder a partner's response. One finding is that trust in her husband is low. Trust is low because she has not found him to be dependable. A husband's demonstration of care and faithfulness enable his wife to give herself wholly to him. And then he gives a couple of examples in his book of couples who experienced what Solomon and Shulamite are experiencing here as they weave their lives together in mutual commitment, trust, service and love. And so you see, it begins with preparation. Time and tenderness and escalates to anticipation. It includes appreciation. And then finally, our fourth principle here in verse 16 and chapter five and verse one is that intimacy gives satisfaction. Now, this is interesting to me, verse 16 and chapter five and verse one in the Hebrew Bible before these two verses, there are one hundred and eleven lines. And after these two verses, there are one hundred and eleven lines. So these two verses are the focus of the book. That's interesting to me. It's almost like here in Hebrew poetry, we have the center, the focus of this entire relationship that they have together. And for her, in verse 16, she says, Awake, O north wind, and come, wind of the south. Make my garden breathe out fragrance. Let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into My garden? No. His garden. You see, there's a complete giving of herself because there has developed this trust, this mutual respect and dignity, because there's a uniting of soul and spirit in terms of this relationship together. I was reading in a book called Physical Unity in Marriage About three dangers, three things that happen when you don't have this kind of relationship. Shirley Rice wrote this. I like this. Number one, it jeopardizes your fellowship with the Lord because you're disobeying God. First Corinthians chapter seven, verses three through five, make it clear that it's a mutual giving of each other. Number two, your relationship with your mate can be damaged or ruined. because of a wrong approach and not fulfilling God designed relationship in marriage. And number three, you allow your mate to be tempted to adultery because of frustration and anger. That's why First Corinthians chapter seven and verse five says and come together again, lest Satan tempt you. And that's a that's a reality. And she says, I give myself completely to you. Here's the one verse in this entire section where she speaks. Doesn't mean that she's not in the other verses, but Solomon is taking the lead role in terms of preparation and anticipation and appreciation. But he speaks in chapter 5 and verse 1 again. I've come into my garden, my sister, my bride, I've gathered my myrrh along with my balsam. I've eaten my honeycomb and my honey. And nine times he uses this phrase, my garden, because they have this one flesh relationship under God as God has designed it. And I believe that the reason that this is the focus of the book in terms of the middle section is because of these two lines in verse one of chapter five. Eat friends, drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers. I think this is God speaking here. Just about everybody I've read agrees. This is God speaking. God is saying, hey, this is the way that I have designed it to be. Be intoxicated with each other. Really love each other in this way. It's God's blessing and his response to Genesis chapter two and verses 18 to 25, where he said, it's not good for the man to be alone. I'm going to bring them together. And so God speaks here and blesses this union together. Now, publicist Frank Wright, I'm not talking about the architect, not Frank Lloyd Wright, the architect. But publicist Frank Wright, he used to live in Palm Beach, Florida. Maybe he still does. I'm not sure. He was married in 1972, interestingly enough, same year that we got married. And he he wrote just lots of letters to his wife and she kept them all and published them in a little book called Hi, Sweetie. And I want to read a couple of them to you. He wrote to her, the longer we are married, the more I see that happiness in marriage doesn't just happen. Let's always hold hands and tell each other of our love. Let's never take each other for granted. Let's give or give in with the spirit of joy. That's what we've been doing and it works, doesn't it? I like that one. Here's another one. I'm just doing some wishful thinking this morning. How about slipping off after lunch, bags packed, and skip off to some romantic spot for the weekend and keep our destination a secret? I imagine there's some guys saying, yeah, that'd be nice, but I can't afford to do that. Well, you can afford to say, how about going down to the park for a picnic? You can even make the sandwiches, take them along. If I were going to summarize all of these verses, I would say it like this. The best marriage is this kind. I think it's next on our slide. First of all, there's a B. You bless your spouse. E. You edify your spouse. Now you say, well, what's the difference? Well, one is asking for God's blessing on the person, so it includes prayer. The edification is building up and using encouraging words. And S is sharing. This is real communication. Remember number two problem with marriages? Communication. Communication, not only in terms of verbally, but in sharing many things, all things together. And then T is touching. It's the physical aspect of that kind of relationship. And if you're here this morning and you say, yeah, but but I'm not married. I don't know when I'm going to be married. Well, this is a good opportunity to look at these principles and say, this is how you prepare your mind. And you're thinking for that relationship that God has for you. And I imagine there's some people who are thinking, well, but my marriage, that was years ago and I'm all alone now. You mean to tell me you'll never have anyone who'll say to you, hey, when you were married, And so to see God's perspective on this and what God wants is crucial. My brother Dennis is going to come and lead us in our closing hymn number 426. Blessed be the tie that binds. But let me say this before we sing. You're not going to have this kind of relationship if your heart isn't right with the Lord. If your vertical relationship isn't right, your horizontal relationship is not going to be right. And so as we sing, if the Spirit of God is speaking to you and you know you need to change, we invite you to come and say, Pastor Ike, Lord, I need to change. I want to do things your way. The invitation is always open for you to come, even as we sing.