prayer to him father we do come before you now and pray that you would speak to us powerfully and clearly in your word by your spirit by the illumination of your spirit we pray father that you would enable us. To see more clearly sin for what it is. To become wiser in regard to its tactics to be better equipped to see it in ourselves and and stronger and better able to withstand. The various wins of both doctrine and teaching that temptations of sin that so often come our way every single day and we pray this all in Christ's name a man. At forty five years of age and is an attractive athletic woman vivacious and outgoing. She is someone who is committed half of her life to a youth ministry and as many years trying to fix her marriage. Scott her husband is articulate and bright. He is leadership material fittingly he's been involved in Christian ministry in the church for years. and Scott is an abusive husband. The physical abuse started on their honeymoon. The verbal abuse was unceasing. I never lived up to a standard. And in his eyes, I wasn't a good cook or housekeeper. As our children became old enough to express opinions, it became more evident that I was also a crummy mother. In their conservative Christian world, Divorce or separation was not a consideration and said. Besides divorce admits failure and I was really optimistic that things would get better. I worked harder trying to please Scott more and do and to be what he wanted. Only when the abuse was directed toward her children did and take action there were the violent outbursts way out of proportion to any wrong done in the constant pounding verbal abuse and then there were disturbing obsessions is nightly routine with the children for instance was humiliating and violent and continued on into the junior high years. He scrubbed the children's faces until the girls cried and flossed their teeth until their gums bled. Everyone walked on eggshells at home disappearing into their rooms when dad came home. I never dared admit the abuse, because once I pulled my head out of the sand and admitted it, I knew I have to do something about it and. Then her thirteen year old confronted her. Every day that treats you like garbage and you let him. She said. And was shocked she had never heard her daughter say such a thing before and then she said. I felt embarrassed and humiliated my kids had seen the abuse and called it for what it was before I did. One mother's day the situation came to a head. Sundays were always the worst day of the week and noted. But this Sunday was worse than usual. Scott ritualistically lined the children up and for an hour recited their mother's failings to them. The kids were terrorized and recalled they were crying as he talked. I was pacing in the next room praying to the Lord. God forbid me to come in. We were in fear of our lives. We absolutely felt that he could kill us. He told me that he hated me. Then Scott started in on the children calling the oldest girl names when he hit her across the face. Something in and snapped. That was it. I couldn't stop. She said I was fearless. I chased him around the house. Just let him try to hit me. I would have killed him. That afternoon, she and the children left. When she tried through one of the church elders to contact her pastor for help and was totally discounted. The pastor called in his secretary and dictated a letter to Scott, saying he and the elders would meet with him. Scott ignored it, and I was never called or contacted. I was a non person. and experiences point to an all too common struggle for women who is abusive husband have been given permission by the church to continue their abuse when it happened the wives are ignored and left to suffer in silence. Well this morning we're beginning a an intermission from the Gospel of John we completed the Gospel of John up to chapter eight the end of chapter eight and Lord willing we will plan to resume at chapter nine when we finish the present theory that we're beginning this morning. The theory has a very very important topic that we cannot remain ignorant of and I thought that I would spend a little bit of time first by explaining to you how I came to this topic myself and I've given the The overall it was difficult to select an overall title for the series, because there are so many different facets to it. But we're going to call the series The Psychology and Methods of Sin. The psychology, the mindset, the thinking of, and the methods of sin as contrasted with the mindset and fruits of the spirit. Last year sometime I don't remember exactly when I I began to ask myself if there were some. Way that we could become wiser as a church and individual in respect to the enemy. That is to say I was asking the question I began to wonder. Are there some things that we're missing? Are there some typical characteristic common warning signs that would help us more clearly and more readily see the enemy coming when he launches his attacks, so often through individuals who are wolves in sheep's clothing in various forms. In a sense, you see why Scott in the illustration was a wolf in sheep's clothing, right? He was terrorizing his family and yet functioning in a conservative Bible-believing church for many, many, many years. And over the, all down to the past years, and this would be true of any true church that's ministering, properly ministering God's Word, We know that this church has been assaulted. Numbers of times by the enemy and often through divisive men or or or women trying to introduce false doctrine and and and many times characterized by what we call the attitude of that the art diatrophies and will meet him when we come to those verses in in a third John diatrophies who crave to be first in the church. crave to be first in the church and and so. Are there some ways that we can that we can do can do better now if you're thinking along the lines I I was still and still am you think we are laid out for in God's Word right and it is it is the Bible has a huge amount to say to us about being on guard against wolves and sheep in sheep's clothing it. tells us to test the spirits and on and on and on it goes to equip us to to be on guard against these kinds of things the Bible is completely sufficient to make us wise with God with God's wisdom. And sure enough every time it seems like I I learned something else about the psychology of sin the tactics and methods of sin, I find out, oh, there it was. That's what that verse was talking about, right? And I think that you've experienced that kind of thing yourself. This is one of the reasons that the church needs older saints, right? It needs gray hair in the church of people that have walked with Christ for many, many years, because over that time and through through that life experience. We gain the with the wisdom of the wisdom of Christ as he teaches us. His word in the classroom and in the trenches of of life. Itself. I mean give you an example of what I mean if you read Galatians chapter five classic passage on the fruit of the spirit contrasted with the flesh for instance you will hear the apostle Paul mentioned. These two deeds of the flesh jealousy and sensuality. So we read those we read that list jealousy sensuality and there's others there idolatry and enmity and strife and so on. But let me ask you this. Do we really that easily understand what jealousy looks like. Or what sensuality looks like are they really all that easy to recognize. Well the answer is no they're not because sin is deceptive. Sin is incredibly deceptive and by its very nature it is a lie functions in the dark the serpent in Eden did not appear to be a threat to to leave and so we can be right in the middle of these things and not not and not recognize it and so when the Bible tells me that I must be on guard against the sin of jealousy for instance or of coveting or of idolatry. I need to do some serious serious. Study thinking meditating on. what the nature of those things are you remember I can't remember which one of the Puritans wrote it. But in our library little Puritan paperback series right. Maybe it was Ralph somebody. The sinfulness of sin remember that book is a whole book on the sinfulness of sin examining sin and all of it all of it. It's detail and and so I need to give serious consideration to this so that I can. recognize those sins and all of it all of their families, especially when they start working and in me and tempting me. This is all the thing. Have you had anybody ever after maybe you use this kind of sarcastic. What do I need to do. I need to pay you a picture. I need to draw a picture. The answer is yes. Absolutely. Jesus did it with the parables right. He we need to have the instruction of Scripture. and then we need to have pictures of it painted for us. We can see it in real life. What these what these things look like. I need examples so that real biblical preaching, for instance, consists not just of teaching the word and explaining the word what Paul meant, for example, in a certain text. but also of illustrating the word and applying it. There's a great example of that. I think in Nehemiah chapter eight. Ezra opened the book in the sight of all the people for he was above all the people and if he opened it all the people stood and Ezra blessed the Lord the great God and all the people answered a man a man lifting up their hands and they bowed their head and worship the Lord with their faces to the ground. Also, Joshua on I sure about it. I mean, I'm sure that I hold the eye on a whole bunch of other guys. Levi help. Now listen to this. They help the people to understand the law. while the people remained in their places. This was a Bible study. You might you might say they read from the book from the law of God clearly and they gave the sense so that the people understood the reading. I don't know if you've ever heard a sermon that simply teaches and explains. I've heard. I've heard that. And it's like I'll teach you this is what it says I'll explain to you what the author meant. Well we're about out of time. Let's pray boom and it falls flat. We need to have. We need to have God's word illustrated clearly and applied so that we can get hold of you. I hope you begin to understand what I'm talking about right. You've read verses and read verses the same verses in the Bible and then somehow because of some some thing that the Lord brings into your life or some event happened. The doctor he connected dot. Man I never thought I never understood that before right. Well we need help in understanding the fan and of the scriptures and so I was thinking about this thing more and about the nature of of CNN in particular the deceptive. this is part of the problem here you see as in the case I just read to you. Scott in and write this great rank hypocrisy going on and and in their lives at least his life was a lie and yet it's it's unseen you know so there's this great deceptiveness of of sin and I began to think about some very common and frequent example of the deceptiveness of of in particularly in light of the week that we read about and then you've experienced this to how often have you hear the news or you read you read the news about a person who just went off I mean like that somebody through a switch and they and they committed some horrendous crime. So here's maybe a father could be it could be a mother, but a father just killed his whole family. Killed killed killed them all and and but what but what is my boggling about it is. They were just typical suburban family living in a typical suburban neighborhood. You see the picture of their house on the news and it's well kept here. You know it could be your house. Everything appears well. and then this happens or or the guy turns out he would have robbed a series of banks or was a serial killer whatever and what do you hear people say every time. Every every time. What do you say. What do they think the neighbor says. I don't believe it. I cannot believe it. This is not the person that I knew there must be some mistake. he this is the nicest person they were helping and and unfortunately very often as well if it's reported to us and he was a fine Sunday school teacher is a fine upstanding well-respected member and of the church. This is the nature of in the jackal hide thing in the on. it's a it's a it's a masquerade we've already we read about the caught that already in second Corinthians chapter eleven right thing coming as an angel of light and his emissaries of service of of righteousness you see. Well then I began to think about the challenge. Incidents of things like. Scott and and what was going on in their home. are unfortunately far far too common in the church we know there. Well I hope that we know maybe you don't know how common those kind of things are in the world but but they are also very common in the church in the conservative Bible believing church. Of any place look the church Paul tells Timothy right the church is to be the pillar and support of the truth. truth. We should we should breathe truth in the atmosphere when we when we gather together in the church of all institutions of society. It is the Christian Church Christ temple indwell by his spirit that must be and will be if we don't don't get in the way that must be the place on this earth where that kind of thing cannot go on where they were that kind of a person cannot. Employee and practice their thought for very long. Before it is it is discovered and it is wrong that we remain for us to remain naive then of these of these kinds of things well as I began to think more and more about that I and do some research and some reading I came across books like this one battered into submission the tragedy of life abuse in the Christian home and I've got a stack of them that high half part of them are Christian books and and many of them are not because I began began to come across this topic of abuse and specifically abuse in the whole domestic abuse. more specifically yet abusive men or sometimes abusive women and I began to read about their mentality. And their tactics their devices for remaining hidden and deceiving other people to that to their own benefit and their effect and to read about the effects of their sin upon upon others and so. I couldn't stop reading I'm still doing some of this reading. It's a bit of a slow process because as you and I think that you are going to find out the subject of studying. And especially I think in this area of the Pacific abuse. Is at the same time fascinating. It is fascinating and helpful very very helpful. but at the same time it's very stressful and you can only take a certain amount of it at a time and then you have to and then you have to put you have to put it down and so it it compels us as Christians to learn more about it but it repels us at at at the same time and so I'm going to warn you right up front. This will be the third time and this will be the longest series that I've spoken about. I've spoken I've just broached this topic twice. Once at the Arbca General Assembly, and once again for four sessions at the recent family camp that I spoke at. And I'm going to tell you right now, you don't want to hear about it. OK? Now, I hope that that will change. I hope that that will change, as it kind of did for me. And you actually begin to get more excited about it because you go, that's because the lights come on. the light that that's what that OK and it begins to get. You can see how people in bondage to this kind of thing can begin to be set free by by by learning the truth but it is not something that you're necessarily going to want to. You don't want to hear about you see there's a lot more stories about the Scotts and the and those kinds of those kinds of homes that are that are in the church. But you will persevere. I think that you will benefit you will benefit greatly in our church will as well. All right well almost through recounting how I came into this. I as I pressed on in the study of reading about the topic of abuse It began to be impressed on me that the psychology and mind that attitude method and goal of abuse is man and all of comment on the term in a moment but the psychology of the mind that the attitude and the method and goal of abuse of men particularly as practice in their marriages and family is a crystal clear and here's the value. One of the values is a crystal clear illustration of the attitudes methods and goals of. All right this is one of the chief purposes why we're going to use this topic of abuse to illustrate scriptural teaching because because it shows us in a very clear it draws a picture for us of what jealousy. Of what covetousness of what self-centered is and what is and furthermore. The way that the abusive man functions in his closest relationship usually is marriage and family. Will teach a volume listen carefully it will teach a volume about how we can expect such a wicked man to practice his evil ploy in the church. I'm one of the things that I've just been struck with more than I read on this topic is not only do I have I seen those kind of things in in families and marriages but where I really see it is that how wicked man in late and abuse the people of God in the church and that's why for example if you if you doubt that we read second Corinthians chapter eleven. Paul says to the Corinthians. You bear it. You put up with it. If someone makes slaves of you. Or devours you take advantage of you put on airs or strike you in the face. You put up with it. There is something in our naivety ignorance about the nature of sin. that will lead us if we remain in that ignorant. Dangerous. It will lead to embrace the abusive wicked enslaving false apostle and reject the apostle Paul. That's what was happening at Corinth. They were judging things as they appeared outwardly rather than judging things according to righteousness and and truth but there's there is and I hope to demonstrate that to you in the next few weeks there is a very close parallel between how an abusive man for example. Abuses his wife. And abuses his children in his home and how a diatribe does the same thing only in the in the church and the family and this should not surprise us. Because the goal of the abusive man and the goal of the diatrophies of using men in the church are the same power and control. Power and control. This is at the heart of the nature of sin power and and control. Many churches today are enslaved to abusive men or completely duped by them. and maybe or maybe both many churches are severely hindered in their mission because of the presence of people like this whose religion is a mere mask. And I think that we as a conservative Bible believing church churches like ours we need to be particularly careful here. Because. Many times. this kind of a person will will more comfortably fit in and exercise his abuse than he might even in in a in a liberal on on on believing church and we'll see why in other words it is possible through our own center ignorance naivety to create a climate that is friendly to the abuser. that. We better we better find out more about right. We certainly don't want that. Well here's the thesis then of the study and it goes like this. We can learn about the psychology and tactics of sin of our own well and in particularly the tactics and psychology of the enemy's emissaries that are sent to enslave and abuse Christ's people. By studying and learning about the psychology and tactics of abusive men specifically as they exercise their abuse in their marriages and families behind closed doors where no one else knows. And no one else sees. So that's what we want to do and I'll describe our method here in in just a moment I said that I would comment on the pronoun he right now to keep you from having to listen to a constant barrage of he or she the man or the woman this kind of a thing we are going to speak of the simple person as he most often and and the victim as she as we give these these illustrations Most often that's the case anyway, right. The vast majority of abusive individuals are men. But certainly there are very abusive women as well. And so we will need to remember that. And at certain points I'll try to vary those pronouns so that we are reminded of those things and so that Pretty soon, before this series is over, the men will be crawling into the sanctuary. It's all our fault. Just go ahead and admit it right away. I should also say this. You might think, well, man, he must think that there's some of these guys lurking out here. I'll just put it this way. I do not think I could get I could get careless again I know but I I hope that I will never again assume that there could be a case like this in the church. All right. You cannot. I think that one of the greatest mistakes of of pastors and elders is just to assume when discussing a topic like this that there couldn't be anyone like that in our church. OK. But I make no assumption about that I'm going to simply come to this and the primary goal is to equip us in regard to the psychology and methods of of sin in contrast to the mindset and the fruit of of the of the spirit is you're going to see this is this is one of the problems is the abuse is wicked man can or woman could can put on such a masquerade. It's like well I can believe that I thought I thought that I I knew them well here's a number of reasons why we're going to be dealing with this subject first of all we said to better equip Christ Church to be why. in regard to the attack of the enemy. You you heard in that account I read of Scott man when she did go to the elders in the pastor they acted. And could have got her killed right. We don't want to do that second to do battle with the devil. by shining the light of Christ's truth upon the schemes and deceptions of darkness. Third, to aid us in more clearly seeing the thinking and tactics of sin in ourselves. Our own sense that we're going to be going through these these things and you all. I I do. I've done that. Fourth, to enable us to more clearly understand what Biblical headship and submission look like and what they don't look like. Very important to understand what they don't look like what they are not as well. If the help victims of abusive people get free of that abuse whether they be here in our church or not right and to enable us not to make the many typical mistakes that pastors Christians and churches make in dealing with abusers and their victims. Six to convict abusive people of their sin and hopefully right be used to bring them to repentance and seven to warn young women what abusive men look like. And to help young men identify potentially abusive patterns in themselves. And here here is the method that we want to follow. We want. We must begin with Scripture. I don't want to stand up here and preach to you expositions of this book right. This is illustrative material only to help us see what Scripture is talking about very clearly to illustrate it and to and to apply it. But we want to identify and study specific Scriptures that deal with with the attitudes or mindset and methods of sin. And then we will call on this these kinds of illustrations to do just that. illustrate and help us see what the Scripture then is is talking about right for example second Corinthians eleven people need to use the false apostles come into the church what are they thinking. What is their goal what are their tactics what will they look like we need to we need to get a firm hold on that and if you're going to be. By studying the psychology, the mindset, thinking, and the tactics of abusive, deceptive men in the home, you will be able to be equipped to understand the thinking and the tactics and the motives of a false apostle that would come then into the church. And then secondly, we will, after doing that, after examining the sin, we want to identify the opposite attitude. The method that characterizes... We want to identify righteousness. All right? We don't want to just become... One way to help us understand sin and to see it is to understand the opposite. Righteousness. And so we want, okay, well, how, in this same setting, how does a mind that a psychology of righteousness function right. What are what are the tactics of of righteousness and and godliness in other words we will be comparing the deeds of the flesh with the fruit of the spirit. And this is a biblical method to compare to to draw a picture of and to compare them the deed of the flesh in wickedness with the fruit of the spirit. The Bible does it all the time. The most obvious example of this is we've already referred to this morning. Galatians five right. Now we're familiar with Galatians five. Yes, the passage starting in verse sixteen where Paul says that we are to walk in the spirit so that we won't fulfill the desires of the flesh. And then he he described the deed of the flash in the ugly list of wickedness and then he said, but in contrast, here's the fruit of the spirit, love, joy, peace, patience, right? Those kind of thing. And so we're very familiar with that. We don't think about it that much, but understand this. The Bible does that repeatedly. What does that tell us? It tells me, you know, I don't, I might think I know what sin looks like, but I really, I need some instruction here. No, no, no, Jeff, that's not the product of the Holy Spirit. That's that's a deed of your own sinful flesh. Jealousy. Don't don't try to say that the Holy Spirit is making you are wickedly angry here or something. The Bible just it does. It draws a picture for us. And then it says, and we need this as well, because this is new for us. Right. We need to have a list of what of what righteousness looks like. so that we can identify it's not just Glacians five first Corinthians thirteen right on love love is. Love is not. This is what love looks like I have to be instructed as to what love looks like and I need to be instructed as to what love doesn't look like. Here's another example from Ephesians four. They have began beginning verse nineteen. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. But that's not the way you learned Christ. See, why does he have to tell us that? Because he has to tell us that we have to be told we have to be instructed, assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him as the truth is in Jesus to put off your old self. and we're going to need to have that old self-described. He's going to do that in a minute to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires and to be renewed in the spirit of your mind and to put on the new self created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness. Now he doesn't stop there. Now I get specific. Therefore, having put away. So this is the putting off the old self. Put away falsehood. Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor. That's the new cell. We're members of one another. Be angry and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your anger and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal. Now, that's a no brainer, isn't it? Apparently not. Apparently it isn't, because scripture has to tell us, by the way, if you're a thief, will now you're in Christ you're not a thing or stop. Instead rather let him labor doing honest work with his own hand so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth but only such as is good for building up and fifty occasion that may give grace to those who hear. do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you are sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice old self right put it off yourself. Be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. Think about it. How much of the New Testament consists of us being instructed in the ABCs of sin versus righteousness or godliness. Here's the old self put that off. Here's the new self put this on. This is the deeds of the flesh. Here's the fruit of the spirit. This is where you this is where you you want to be. The more you think about that the more you realize. You know there needs to be some spiritually kindergarten level instruction in the evangelical church today. Because people are still there are professionally Christian. They're still functioning in that realm of the deeds of the flesh in the old. And I think that there are people that may well be genuine Christian. Maybe new Chris or something that they haven't got a clue yet because they're not being instructed. You mean I. So I shouldn't be doing that anymore. That's right. You should. This is what you should be doing. Oh OK. Right. We need we need that instruction. All right well I hope then that that at least brings you up to the why what why are we studying this where we. Well we're going to study the psychology and the tactics of sin as contrasted to the psychology mindset and the fruit of the Holy Spirit as especially illustrated by the psychology and tactics of the sin of what we call abuse, or battering, or domestic violence, or whatever title we want to start with. All right, well, in any consideration of the topic of abuse, domestic abuse, and certainly in any consideration of the topic of the nature and the mentality or psychology of sin, This is where we have to begin power and control. All right. That's what we're going to be talking about here. So the first thing about sin is sin insists on being first. All right here. Here it is lived out this guy diatrophies third John verses nine and 10. I have written says John something to the church. But diatrophies who like to put himself first does not acknowledge our authority. Imagine your church getting a letter an epistle from an apostle from the apostle John. He steps in and I reject this. That's what he was doing. He does not acknowledge our authority. So if I come John says I will bring up what he is doing talking wicked nonsense against us. and not content with that he refuses to welcome the brother and also stop those who want to who want to and put them out of the church. Well the most telling phrase there about doctor fees is what who likes to put himself first. The abuser is a diatribe whether he's functioning in the church or in his he wants to be for power and control power and control. Matthew chapter 20. Jesus called them to him and said you know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them and their great one exercise authority over them. It shall not be so among you but whoever would be great among you must be your servant and whoever would be first among you must be your slave. Doctrine you want to be first. You have to be last right. So here is this first important foundational characteristic of sin sin in its very essence is the lust for power and control. Now there's other things that are just inherently true about sin. There's different angles ways we could describe it. John says sin is lawlessness and that in its essence it's lawless you see. Well but these are all connected because it's going to reject the law because it's going to be autonomous its own its own law. So in its very essence is the last for power and control. It craves to be first preeminent even over God. In fact in these these verses from Isaiah fourteen are often. It's often concluded that this is probably Satan when he fell and listen to what he said. God tells him you said in your heart I will ascend to heaven above the stars of God. I will set my throne on high. I will sit on the mount of assembly in the far reaches of the north. I will ascend above the heights of the clouds. I will make myself like the most high right. That's the sin of Satan. It was reflected in the Garden of Eden. Eve fell for it. So did Adam. you will be like God. That's the goal. You can be numero uno. You can be God. I will be God. Power and control. Let me illustrate that principle then from examples from the sin of abuse. Here we go. and this is from a book by a man named Lundy Bancroft. I think that he was in town. Was that yesterday, Janine? Yeah, I think he was here speaking. He's not a Christian. I really like him, though. Lots of common sense. Here's what he's found. A batterer. Now, he's using the word batterer in this case. He just means by that an abuser who exercises physical abuse, but we've got a lot to learn there. Don't think for a minute that abuse is simply It has to be physical violence and assault. OK. In fact most of it isn't. A batterer is a person who exercises a pattern of coercive control in a partner relationship. Let me explain the term partner. OK. Many of these quotations I'm going to use come from secular books. you know where marriage and in the world today. OK. So you think they're going to use a broad term partner. Now it could be a boyfriend girlfriend anything but most of course we were using this in terms of a marriage. We would talk about the husband and the wife. But a batterer is a person who exercises a pattern of coercive control in a partner relationship punctuated by one or more active intimidating physical violence or credible threat of physical violence. This pattern of control and intimidation may be predominantly psychological, economic or sexual in nature or may rely primarily on the use of physical violence. Diotrephes was a man like that and he's in the church and he had taken control and it still happens today. Here's another illustration from Patricia Evans, her book, The Verbally Abusive Relationship. Power over shows up as control and dominance. A belief in power over resembles a lens, a mindset, through which the believer, she doesn't mean Christian, she means the person, the abuser that believes in this philosophy. Power over, right? use the world someone who believes in power over expect to get what he or she wants through the use of power over another. Verbal abuse is a means of controlling. So what is it verbal abuse is one weapon in the arsenal of diatrophies verbal abuse. He was using verbal abuse as a means of controlling dominating and having power over another person. The verbal abuser seeks to control and dominate. in a verbally abusive relationship, only the illusion of an authentic relationship exists. Since the abuser needs to have power over his partner, he cannot accept her as an equal. In an abusive relationship, the couple does not really plan together. That would require a mutuality and equality. So here again, transfer that over into the church. How much mutuality and equality was there in diatrophies? control of that of that church right. Bancroft reiterates the very same thing and definition of abuse. He says I have simply chosen the word abuser as a shorthand way of saying men and again remember it could be a woman men who chronically. Habitually chronically make their partners feel mistreated or devalued. Here is an account that Bancroft gives of a man named Glenn. Right. We could call him diatrophies. Right. Just imagine if Glenn exercised his abuse and power and dominance in a local church. Glenn was remarkably honest with me about his thought process and his motives. Probably because of how justified he felt. he believed in his right to control his partner's wife action. He expected his word to be the last word and he did not accept defiance. Yes this food for future thought in this series. What if Glenn is a professing Christian and his pastor is teaching and preaching a sermon or a series on the headship of the husband. In Glenn's mind that that land that he views things power over that is going to take a perverted. Twist. As it comes into this is one of the reasons that a Bible believing conservative like ours can become a haven for a person like this. Before we we know right. Glenn was remarkably honest with me about his thought process and his motive, probably because of how justified he felt he believed in his right to control his partner's actions. He expected his word to be the last word, and he did not accept defiance. He considered it his right to punish Harriet in the most severe way he could think of if she took steps to recover ownership of her life. Well, Pastor, my wife is rebelling. She's a rebellious woman. She won't submit to me. Oh, well, boy, Glenn, we better sit down and explain things to her. He talked proudly of how he had allowed her various freedoms while they were together, as if he were her parent and defended his right to remove her privileges when he thought the time had come. Van Croft continues in. and intimate relationship, a marriage involves a steady flow of decisions to be made, conflicting needs to negotiate. Tastes and desires to balance. Who's going to clean up the mess in the kitchen? How much time should we spend alone together and how much with other friends? Where do our other hobbies and interests fit into our priorities? What rules will we have for our children? The mindset that an abuser brings to these choices and tensions can make him impossible to get along with consider how challenging it is to negotiate or compromise with a man who operate on the following today whether or not he says them aloud and remember always we give the illustrations to be translating into not only the setting in a in a professing Christian home. but also what if an individual like this was functioning in the church. Here's how the assumptions of the diatrophies. Number one an argument should only last as long as my patients. Once I've had enough the discussions over and it's time for you to shut up. Seen that at church business meetings many years ago. Second, if the issue we're struggling with, if the issue that we are struggling over is important to me, I should get what I want. If you don't back off, you're wronging me. Third, I know what's best for you and for our relationship. If you continue disagreeing with me after I've made it clear which path is the right one, you are acting stupid. You're just stupid, right? And fourth, if my control and authority seem to be slipping. I have the right to take steps to reestablish the rule of my will including abuse if necessary and Bancroft comments. The last item on this list is the one that most distinguishes the abuser from other people. Perhaps any of us can slip. Let's say we can fit into having feelings simple like the one in numbers one through three. On occasion right but the abuser gives himself permission to take action on the basis of his belief with him the foregoing statement aren't feeling they are closely held conviction that he uses to guide his actions that's why they lead to so much bullying behavior doctor he was a bully. He was a bully and get this guy's like doctor he as Paul says in second Corinthians are often embraced by the people of God. Member. You bear it if someone makes slaves of you or devours you or takes advantage of your puts on airs or strikes you in the face. What do you think what's going on and you reject and reject the apostle Paul. Here's a great principle that and Bancroft stated that he said he's imagined himself talking directly to the abusive manner. So here's here's we would be talking to doctor fees. OK. Doctor fees. Your problem is not that you lose control of yourself when you abuse people when you hit them in the face and so on. That's not your problem. I just lost control sometime. No it's that you take control of your partner. In order to change, you don't need to gain control over yourself, you need to let go of control of her. And so it goes. Power and control. Bancroft continues, the overarching behavioral characteristic of the batterer, the abuser, is the imposition of a pattern of control over his partner. The batterer's control is carried out through a mixture of criticism. Look at this arsenal here. We'll talk about these in more detail in the future. A mixture of criticism, verbal abuse, economic control, isolation, cruelty, and an array of other tactics. We observe that the batterer's imposition of control typically emerges gradually and intensifies during the early years of the relationship. common point for the onset of this pattern include when the couple first begins living together. All right. Here's our our day right. You live together then you get married. I hope another thing that this series will do will reinforce to everyone when God's word teaches sexual purity and you you violate we violate those norms those laws. Well here's some of the scenarios that can resolve. But this this onset of this abuse can begin when the couple first begins living together when they get married when the first pregnancy begins and when the first child is born. Why did the abuser get so controlling and abusive when the first child was born because he's jealous of the baby. He wants to be the center of everything in the home. Sin craves to control it demands power. It demands to be worshipped and risk and to receive the glory that you only to God alone. A lady named Alice Miller I don't know if she's a Christian or not she is quoted by Patricia Evans in her book the verbally abusive relationship. She said this insightful by uncovering the unconscious rules of the power game and the methods by which it attains legitimacy. We are certainly in a position to bring about basic changes. Now what she's saying here is in a in a in a secular thing you see. What she discovered is what the Bible means when it says and you will know the truth and the truth will set you free. I hope that one of the things that will happen to all of us in this series is that as we begin to understand the effects of the evil ones abuse of the people of God or of a woman in a marriage for example. You'll begin to see oh man this is big time enslavement. This is this is mind. This is propaganda. It is. Her mind has just been robbed and fogged and and and there's all kinds of all kinds of all you'll lie that the victim. This is the oppression of the enemy is evil and it's wicked and and and we here's the thing the world and many times the world been doing a better job than the church. We have the light of Christ and here's Christ. We've been reading it in our study of John. He's the light of the world. The light is the light and life of men and he said in him. We can know the truth and the truth will set you free and it is. We should be leading the charge against men like that. I have come into the world as light. so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness. Here's a look at the devil's tactics Hebrews two since therefore the children share in flesh and blood. He himself likewise partook of the same Christ that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death that is the devil and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery. It's really heart wrenching to hear stories from people usually women who were in bondage for twenty thirty forty years. Before the lights came on and they were and they were set free that that's the work of the devil that's the work of the of the evil one and power and control are at the heart. Of his methods you see I included a printout in the print out here. James chapter four verses one to ten and all leave that for you to read it's an example of how. Our. Want to control others and will even murder if it doesn't if it doesn't get its way but let's let's close. Simply with. This final thought about power and control right. I also wanted to once we've examined the psychology and tactics of sin I want to look at righteousness right in turn turn us to the beauty of righteousness well to do this think about this power and control. How foolish and wicked it is for creatures. to function as if inherently in themselves they possess power and control. Listen to Psalm sixty two verses eight through eleven trust in him at all times so people pour out your heart before him God is a refuge for us a lot. Those of low state are but a breath those of highest state or a delusion in the balances they go up They are together lighter than a breath. Put no trust in extortion. Set no vain hopes on robbery. If riches increase, set not your heart on them. Once God has spoken. He's emphasizing this right. Once God has spoken twice. I've heard this. What is it? Power belongs to God. Power belongs to God. Here's the challenge. In what ways might men and husbands fathers. Mothers and women as mothers whatever our relationship. Elders of this church all of us in what way are there ways are there hurtful ways in anywhere. We should pray that God would show these where we have been. Exercising. power and control over someone else as if we inherently. As if we are entitled to have it as if we are justified in possessing this so that others must do our bidding. And in our sin even in the Christian in our sinful flesh we can be very very capable of doing that very thing think about what are the differences between exercising God given headship in a marriage or parental authority over children but what are the differences between that and yet wrongly having an attitude of this is my right. by definition of who I am. This is this power and control that I possess and you must yield to it. And if you don't I have plenty of weapons in my arsenal to make you conform to my control. These are the things that we want to be learning about. We're going to discuss power and control again then next time. But I challenge you to give great prayerful thought to to those issues understanding that when Christ was before pilot. Jesus reminded him you could do nothing if it were not granted by my father and it's the same with us let's pray. Father we ask your blessing on this series we pray that it would be A faithful exposition of your word that it would not get off track and merely be the the lectures on what mere men have discovered. But father we pray that you would use it to for all the purposes that we've already enumerated. Father we ask your forgiveness for. Trying to be gone. We we confess that is the nature of our sin and we pray that you would show us by your spirit through your word very clearly any way in us in which we are. Are pretending to be by which we are doctor fees that we are pretending to. wield that which belongs to you alone and we pray this in Christ's name. Amen.