And please turn, if you would, in your copy of God's Holy Word to 1 Peter chapter 3. Having heard last time from the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 5, and we will return to that text in due course, but it is good to see multiple witnesses to the same doctrine. And we find in here Peter giving us the doctrine of marriage in his first epistle. And we always marvel at our sequential readings, and what a wonderful thing in Colossians 3. We see the Apostle Paul's direction towards Christian homes. These are not planned things. These are things that the Lord, in his good providence, draws out for us. So with that then, 1 Peter chapter 3. And you remember, there is going to be a likewise that begins this text as it begins its direction to the wives. And for your remembrance from our communion service, our Thanksgiving service, what precedes this in chapter 2 is Jesus Christ suffering, suffering silently before unjust men, and we find the likewise directive here to both, even husbands, in view of what Christ has done. So let's give our attention to the reading of God's holy word, 1 Peter chapter 3, and these are the very words of our God. Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, that if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives. while they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel. But let it be the hidden man of the heart, and that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time, the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves being in subjection unto their own husbands, even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughter as he are, as long as he do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered. Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous, not rendering evil for evil or railing for railing, but contrary wise blessing, knowing that ye are there unto called, that ye should inherit a blessing. Amen. May God bless the reading of his word. Let's pray. Our gracious God, we come now to another wondrous text on marriage, and we see our need for the grace of God. in it. Lord, we pray now that the preacher would preach faithfully the directive of God when it comes to marriage, that he would put aside his own opinions and thoughts, whatever they may be, and all that would be heard is the very voice of God and the counsel of God. and not any man's thoughts on marriage himself, not that this is a seminar on marriage, but this is the holy counsel of God and the Spirit of the Lord we beseech you would be given to the man who preaches. And the same for those who will hear. Oh God, we know in this text you call husbands and wives to walk in the grace of God and so help all your people now by the grace of God hear the voice of God and not only hear it but to do it and to be transformed by it that they would be lights in this world that has made a wreckage of marriage and that their marriages may be a beacon of to the whole world of a gospel picture. We pray now that for the glory of Jesus Christ, you would let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight. O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer, we ask for Jesus' sake. Amen. Well, the marriage bond is meant to be the closest, closest bond between two people, this side of heaven. But as we live this side of the fall, it can also be the most explosive combination of two people. Because you have before us two sinners, two sinners in very close proximity to one another. And that can be an explosive mix as husband and wife dwell together. Children, It is very much like your science experiments, right, where you take maybe a base and an acid, right, two things that are inert normally, you mix them together and maybe you have that volcano experiment and suddenly there is a chemical reaction. That's what it's like when you take two sinners and you mix them together. It can be a volatile thing, rancor, provocation, strife, and sadly much worse things than that can happen as well. But if sin is the root of this problem, we praise the Lord because grace is the solution to sin. And Jesus Christ, most of all, grace is the remedy. A godly marriage, here Peter is going to show us, requires the grace of God. A godly marriage is anchored in the gospel, a dying of self, a taking up of our cross, denying ourselves and living for Christ and his will in marriage. You know, here in this text, we find that the fruit of grace in the husband is godly leadership, honoring his own wife. And in the wife, its fruit is a godly, meek spirit, reverent submission to her own husband, both trusting in God, fearing God, and depending on the grace of God to live a life that the world finds maybe even repugnant, but is the will of God for us. And if we would live in view of the grace of God, then and only then can two sinners be blessed as God intends in marriage. That's our theme through this text tonight, is that in order to fulfill our roles in marriage, Christian husbands and wives have to be rooted in the grace of God, to do what is contrary to our flesh, to live for Christ and to live for the other person in view of Christ. And we'll consider that theme under three heads today on your outline. First is to see husband and wife as partners in grace. Second, we see that the wife is called to submit to her own husband. And third, we see that the husband is to honor his own wife. Today, just to set expectations, we're going to, again, mostly focus on the wife's role here. Peter has much to say for the wife and a little less to say about the husband, but you're going to find that we're going to flip that around soon enough because it's actually the husband's job and duty before God that is far weightier and far more necessary for the grace of God to do it. But today, let's start first with partners in grace. Partners in grace. Verse 7. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, as being, here it is, heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered." And amidst this direction that is given to husbands and their roles, Peter is giving a foundational paradigm for marriage, that the couple must view themselves, right, as heirs together of the grace of life. In a Christian marriage, though there is a rank in marriage, the husband is superior to the wife, and we talked about what that means, it's headship. In a Christian marriage, we are heirs together of Christ's grace. One is not more of an heir of God than the other if both are believers. We are heirs together. And husbands and wives then fundamentally must see one another as adopted children of God together. Both filled with the spirit of adoption that cries what? Abba, Father. The spirit testifies that we are husband and wife, but first and foremost, we are brother and sister in the Lord. The couple consists of, and we must look at each other this way, there is a son of God and there is a daughter of God adopted through Jesus Christ. The husband must see his wife as washed in the blood of Jesus Christ. He sees her as dearly beloved of Christ. Christ went to the cross for her as well. He says, her faults and her sins, even those against me, are all forgiven by the Lamb of God. And the wife sees her husband in the same lens. For my husband, my Father in heaven, sent his only begotten Son into the world to die for my husband. And she has a similar sentiment to what the husband ought to. That though there is an order and a rank in marriage, just as there is an order and rank, and we forget this, right, in both state and church, why? Because God is not the author of confusion, but of peace. There is a rank and order in marriage. But what is the foundation of marriage in the gospel? Even in the church, there is no male or female in Christ. You're all one in Him. That is the fundamental equality in the marriage bond. Both are co-heirs of the grace of God, and you need to see your spouse that way, husbands and wives. Why does the Lord have to say this? I think we have to step back and ask why. This seems in some ways very obvious, doesn't it? Because something strange happens in Christian homes. Husband and wife often forget that they are brethren in the Lord. They become, this is a perverse thing, they become less kind and less gracious to their own spouse than they will to another person in the church. Countless spouses lament. My spouse is a different person around others in the church than with me. They are kinder, they're more gentler, they're more loving, they're more gracious, they seem more understanding, they're more patient. But with me, it's a different story. They're short-tempered, they're unkind, and they're cruel. Why? They forget they are co-heirs of the grace of life together, that we are brothers and sisters in the Lord, both of us bought with the blood of Jesus Christ. There's something, it's not just the marriage bond, but there's that close nearness, even in a family, right, between children who are siblings, and to the father and mother, sometimes that closeness in a relationship can amplify and magnify sinfulness. And we must put that away, especially in the marriage bond. And do you see what follows our discourse? This is why I read a couple more verses. What follows the discourse on husbands and wives, verses eight and nine? Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren. be pitiful or full of pity, be courteous, not rendering evil for evil or railing for railing, but contrary wise blessing, knowing that ye are there unto called that ye should inherit a blessing. And I think the sinfulness of our flesh in marriage is this, is to think that these words now, this is a totally different discourse. First he was talking about husbands and wives, and now he must be talking about others in the church. No. If anything, context dictates that this is especially directed to spouses, isn't it? Having compassion, loving your spouse as a brother or sister, being full of pity for them. How many husbands and wives say, I have pity for my spouse? Being courteous, this is a huge problem in marriage. Do not render evil for evil. He or she won't do this, well, I will not do this in return. Railing for railing, but what, to bless in return. Do we think that this doesn't govern the marriage bond? No, it does. Is this for others? Do you say, well, this person in the church, or this brother or sister I know over there, this text is for them, but not for my wife or my husband. Maybe it's even for the unbeliever. but not my spouse. No, your nearest and dearest neighbor, married people, is your spouse. There's a quote attributed to Luther that I have never been able to track down to a primary source, so take it for what it's worth as far as he said it or not. Whether he did, the sentiment is right. He says the Christian is supposed to love his neighbor, and since his wife is his nearest neighbor, she ought to be his deepest love. It goes both ways, of course, wives. Well, the idea of being heirs together, co-heirs, reminds us of the design of marriage. And this design is transplanted, we saw in Genesis 2, right, in creation, and it's being transplanted into redemption. That you are partners for the work of God. The woman is a help meet or suited for the man, but they are heirs together jointly of the grace of life. You see, marriage's work for the Christian is about the kingdom of God. It's not about, right, some people take the dominion mandate and they wrongly apply it to the Christian at times. It's not about every man needs to go out and then subdue the land. No, we are called to increase Christ's kingdom. You see, this is the actual work of the Christian home, is to be united to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness. Marriage's work is for the kingdom, and a house divided against itself will not stand. Husband and wife are to be united in one bond. Their marriage is not about themselves, it is all about Jesus Christ. and it's for his kingdom's sake. Whether it is their labors, their raising of children, or hospitality given to others, King Jesus and his kingdom are the focal point of your marriage. Your marriage, we talked about this in the inquirer's class, that we take a vow in the Reformed Presbyterian Church that we will purpose to seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness in all the relationships of life. That begins in the home. And husband and wife are bound together to seek first the kingdom of God. And when husband and wife see their identity as God's children, heirs together for the sake of Christ, wonderful things happen. They live for Christ together. They're united in Christ. They pursue Jesus in all things. As with John the Baptist, both husband and wife decrease so that Jesus may increase. And what blessings come in a home like that? Their own needs and wants are secondary to love for Christ and for their nearest neighbor, their spouse. Beautiful thing. when it's implemented in the home by God's grace. And so husband and wife, your marriage is for Christ's sake. That's why Peter puts this here, that you are heirs together. And your spouse is to be viewed that way, as an heir of the grace of life with you. And that will also transform entirely how you view the roles in the relationship. There will be a cheerful submission to the will of God for the roles that are set in the home. Because my marriage is not first and foremost about my happiness. but it is about Jesus Christ and his kingship. It is all about the Lord. And the irony is that many refuse the Lord's design saying, God would want me to be happy and not bound to these roles. But the irony is, and I have seen this in my time in the church, that all who buck against God's design end up actually being the embittered ones. who are self-absorbed and obsessed with themselves, whereas the man or woman who submits to the Lord's design is blessed, is happy. And I will remind you again of Psalm 128, which began this series. Blessed is everyone that feareth the Lord, that walketh in his ways. You want happiness? There it is. How often husbands and wives are guilty of doing what is right in their own eyes, what their flesh says is right, especially in this age of egalitarianism and liberalism. Men and women taken in by the prevailing culture of this world, and they call the ways of God obsolete or for another age. God forbid, that is a terrible thing to say. Well, with that then, let's consider the wife in the second head submitting to the husband. And Peter, like Paul in Ephesians 5, begins with the wife's role in marriage and with her internal character of grace. There are theories as to why the Holy Spirit addresses the women first. Maybe it's because the woman was addressed in Genesis 3.16 first, after the curse. Or their subordinate rank means that they might despise their position in marriage, which they ought never do. Or, perhaps it is the case that the more weightier matters come last, the greater responsibility before God is to the husband, and the weight of it must hit harder and conclude with the husbands. You know, the husbands, we thought about this last week, must love their wife as Christ loves the church. That is an awful responsibility, men. It truly is. So he comes last, the husbandess. But whatever reason, in the scriptures, the wife is addressed first. Genesis 3, 1 Peter 3, Ephesians 5, and so on. And as this is God's pattern, we will begin with the wife too. Verse one, we read, likewise ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands. Again, the scripture wives call you to submit to your own husband, to be submissive to your own husband. And the entirety of Peter's discourse here in this first part deals with your character. It's your character. The graces you are to cultivate that come from God, meekness, and so on, these graces are designed so that you may cheerfully and lovingly submit to your own husband, seeing this as God's blessed design and love. First note, ladies, you are to submit to your own husbands. You know, some have, and I was surprised, and this is not uncommon, sadly, some teach that women must submit to all men. No, we are to be submissive to the authorities that the Lord has given over us. Instance, I'll use another example, especially with our presbytery visit. I submit to my elders locally and presbytery and in the denomination. I do not submit to the elders of other denominations. I submit to my civil magistrates here, locally and all the way up to our federal government, but I do not submit to the magistrate in China. In the same way, a wife submits to her own husband only. And the difficulty here, for us all, but especially here for the women, is that an outward form of submission, Peter is showing you, is insufficient. Utterly insufficient. The wife is called to cheerfully submit from her heart. And that is what requires the grace of God. To grit your teeth at your husband, right? And he's not making you do anything unlawful. We've talked about that. I don't need to say that again, I hope. But to grit your teeth at your husband to his lawful requests and to say, fine, I will do what you say, that's not what the Lord is after because that's not how he wants us to obey him. He's looking for cheerful obedience. You remember when we read in Ephesians 5.22, the directive there is important to wives. Wives, submit yourselves. unto your own husbands." What is that? That's saying that he is not there, must not coerce you to submit. You are to submit yourselves. It is the internal disposition of your heart, a heart of grace, choosing in the sight of God, by the grace of God, to submit yourself to the man that the Lord has put in your life over you. That's why, again, Peter's words are about disposition. a disposition that works outwardly into conduct, not conduct that masks the heart. You may be here, and maybe you outwardly conform, but you rage against your husband. That's not pleasing in the sight of the Lord. Jeremiah 17.10 says, I, the Lord, search the heart, I try the reins. He wants your heart to change. And so verses 3 to 4 tell you women, Whose adorning, let it not be that outward adorning of plating the hair and of wearing of gold and of putting on of apparel. But here it is, let it be the hidden man of the heart in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. And oh, would you grab hold of this, which is in the sight of God of great price. You see, Peter and Paul, they're not talking about some cultural norm. They're talking about what God values. Do you see that? And God never changes. These things are valued by God. And that's what we must always see, that the outward adornment, right, is not what the Lord is looking for. In fact, ostentatious outward adornment is often a marker of pride, isn't it? A drawing of attention to oneself. That's the danger that Peter is drawing out for us in that dichotomy of the outward man being attractive, but the inward man being repulsive and hard-hearted. I don't mean to be insulting, but you have heard, and I'm using this as an expression, you've heard of putting lipstick on the pig, haven't you? Right? What does that teach us? What's the point of putting makeup on an object that's ugly? Right? And that's what often the outward adornment is. And will your outward adornment really mask what is important, especially to God, who is a pure spirit and searches the heart? Ladies, ask the question. What is the ultimate value of outward adornment if your heart is prideful? If it's lifted up and haughty before the Lord, what does the Lord care about your outward adornment? Now, I know some will use this text to eliminate any outward adornment whatsoever. Now, we have to be modest, but you notice several places in the Bible, like in Genesis 24-22, Abraham's servant brings bracelets for Rebekah. So it's not that he's saying that all outward adornment is forbidden, but the idea is in 1 Timothy 2-9, the women are to adorn themselves with modest apparel, not ostentatious, not to show off to the world. But in any case, as we consider outward adornment, the women are to focus on what a wife ought to have, the hidden man of the heart, an inward adornment and not an outward one. It is a temptation for the female sex especially to focus on outward adornment. Every culture, see that in every culture. It's not just the West or the East or whatever. In every culture, there is a temptation for the female sex to focus on outward adornments that they neglect the hidden man of the heart. But this is what the Holy Ghost is after, the hidden man of the heart. The heart no one can see. Notice it's the hidden man. And sometimes your husband won't even know. Your parents won't know. Your children won't know. But God knows. I can't see your heart. I can't see my wife's heart. I can have a sense of it in her outward actions, and I praise God for her. But I cannot see your heart. But all of us, whether we are male or female, must remember God sees the heart. And he knows where our adornment is. Here's a great test, then, for wives. How often and how much do you focus on your outward adornment, and how much focus is given to the hidden man of the heart? This is a wonderful test, isn't it? Wonderful litmus test. It's a barometer for your walk before the Lord. A lot of wives say this, right? They say, I am so busy with everything that I cannot spend time with the Lord. And I do sympathize. A lot of women, they manage a home and children, and it's an all-consuming thing. And husbands must leave their wives, we'll get to this, in a way that wives can have time for the Lord. But if you are struggling, you might want to ask the question, how much time do I invest in my outward adornment, clothes, makeup, and hair, and how much time do I invest before the Lord in the secret place? It can often be the case that women, just like men, our priorities are backwards spiritually. Wanting to show off, especially here, this is a danger of showing off the outward adornment in public rather than the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit which is in the sight of God of great price. That's the key again to the text. What is valuable to God? What God finds of great price? That's what? That is what is contrary to the flesh. The flesh, whether in the male or female, seeks what is in the sight of man is of great price. That is completely backwards. And that's what the outward adornment often is, isn't it, ladies? What is valuable in the sight of others. But what our focus must be, and the ladies' focus, the godly women's focus, is that which is in the sight of God of great price. That's the recalibration in marriage all of us must have, not just the sisters. To think in marriage, what does God value? And to see our roles before God. Everything that we think about marriage, we have to ask, is this something that came from God? Did it come from my family and the generations before? And this is just what we value. Or did I get it from God? Did it come from my schooling? Or did I get it from God? Did it come from my entertainment programs and television? Or did it come from God? Or did it come from even the world psychologists and self-help books? Or did it come from God? We all have to ask, what is in the sight of God of great price? Do we even know? Peter is giving us the clue here for the ladies. And the tenor of the heart then, as we think of the hidden man, is the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. Not contentious, not obnoxious, meek and quiet, gentle, and God says this is precious to him. You're not gonna read many books in the world that says that. This is what God says. You want to please God, you want to love God, then why don't you take up by God's grace the development of what in the heart is precious to God. A submissive heart for God and husband is what the Lord seeks in you. It does not mean you cannot have opinions or you cannot be learned and knowledgeable, but your character is one of gentleness and quietness. And the example is given here of the mothers in the faith, verses five through six. For after this manner, in the old time, the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands. Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. In other words, your Old Testament, as far as it goes when it comes to this submission to husband, is not cultural. The Old Testament has many examples of women of this sort. Sarah, for Peter, rises to the forefront. How Sarah obeyed Abraham, called him Lord or Master. We talked about that last time. But think about the other holy women of old. Wives like Hannah and Leah. Abigail, who was married to that fool Nabal. You think about their godly characters. All these women were sinners, true, and all of them you see at some point failed before God, but they often needed repentance. Sarah laughed in disbelief, but it's their general disposition you are to observe when you read your Bible. A meek and quiet spirit before God. This is the grace to cultivate, ladies. And remember, meek does not mean weak, right? Our Lord Jesus was called meek. Matthew 11, 29, for I am meek and lowly in heart. Well, Sarah is given as an example. Consider how Sarah obeyed Abraham. She followed him out of Ur, to Haran, to Egypt, to Dan, to Hebron, and so on and so on. He led her and their family where God said to go, where God said, lead your family. He led his family and she went. Now, obviously, we're not called to roam around, necessarily, even if there's pilgrims in the world. But whatever the Lord is telling the husband, you must lead your family in this way, right? Then the wife is to sweetly comply with that. A slightly different context, but think of the disposition of Ruth to Naomi. For whither thou goest, I will go, and where thou lodgest, I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God. Where thou diest will I die, and there will I be buried. The Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me." Ruth 1, 16 and 17. There is a reason many godly women take that up at marriage and apply it to their own lives and their husbands, because their husband is their nearest and dearest companion, and his God is meant to be her God. heirs together of the grace of life. God entrusted her husband with leadership of the home and she goes. So when, you remember other ways this worked itself out, when Abraham told Sarah to hasten and provide a meal for the Lord and his angels, do you hear her grumbling or murmuring? Who is he to tell me to prepare a meal? These are the things the Lord is bringing to our mind from Sarah and the other holy women. Well, if the woman is to consider her husband her superior, to consider him her lord, how ought the husband consider his wife in the home? See, the issue is that men here may stop too quickly and not read more of the Bible. But that said, even then, here we are. What is the husband to do? Treat his wife as a domestic? Treat her as a servant? No. He ought to consider her his queen. is what he ought to do. You might remember in Genesis 16.4, as you remember Hagar, Genesis 16.4, Hagar calls Sarah mistress. The Hebrew word under it, gebereth, means queen. It means queen. I don't know if you follow Joel Beakey on social media, but that's how he calls his wife Mary, the queen, the queen, right? If the husband is the king of the home, well, that makes the wife the queen. And that is how the husband is to treat his wife as the queen, not the domestic, not the servant. I've never called as we talked about. Sarah calling Abraham, Lord, my wife's not called me Lord, and I've not called her queen. But the sentiment has to be there. The sentiment has to be there in my heart. She is my queen. And I will never countenance anyone, not my mother, not my dearest friend in the world, not my children, to say an ill word about my queen. And that's the way it has to be for you as well, fathers. Your children are not to say an ill thing about your wife. I often get on my children, not often, I have gotten on my children, you don't speak to your mother that way. She is the queen of the home, essentially. I mean, I've said it that way, but that is the sentiment. She is the queen, and that's the way the husband must treat the wife, not a domestic servant, even though she has, at times, domestic duties. The queen, you remember, submits to the king, but she is royalty, and that's the way it has to be in the home. An heir of the grace of life, both adopted by the king, both submitting to King Jesus. You know, if you read The Song of Songs, right? We see that as primarily a picture of the love of Christ for the church, but as marriage is a picture, then, of the love of Christ to the church, will you see how the King of Kings treats his wife with respect and regard and care and compassion and love? not ordering her about day after day, but always tending to her, shepherding her, loving her, compassion, gentleness. That's the hallmark of a godly husband. Speak more of that a bit later in our next heading. But also, ladies, in the same way then, as we flip this around, your husband is never to be demeaned by you. This is a great evil often in marriages on both parties, but He is your Lord. You don't make fun of Him to the children or to your friends either. This happens all the time, husband or wife making fun of the other party. And our entertainment is full of this kind of thing, isn't it? There's no respect in the home. But no, you, husband and wife, are in a sense the sovereigns of the home under Christ. Husband is to be respected. God has established him as the head. And husband and wife are to be jealous for one another's honor before God. This kind of submission, then, as we come back to the wife, Peter says, was common with the all holy women of old. Verse 5 says, they trusted in God. They committed themselves unto the Lord. You see, this is what is necessary in submission, trusting in God. They believed that if they did what was right in the Lord's eyes, what was of great price in the sight of God, God would care for them. You must trust in that, ladies, as you do what is contrary to your flesh. Verse 6 says, whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well and are not afraid with any amazement or terror. You need to trust God and not be terrified with godly submission. And as we heard last time, it is submission in the Lord. If your husband tells you to sin, you say, I will obey God rather than man. But it has to be a matter of sin in which you say that. And you must not be afraid to do what is right in God's eyes. Two ways, often, this verse is understood. You're not to be afraid about the consequences of submission to the husband and lawful things. But also, as he asks you to sin, and again, this is a matter of sin, you are not to be afraid of the consequences of resisting him if he causes you to sin, just as the church or individual Christians are not to be afraid of the consequences of resisting tyrannical authority, whether in church or state. And young ladies, several of your mothers in the faith have made this mistake. Don't make this yourself. When you're married, make sure that you are married under godly authority in the church, where your husband is being watched over, and his sins are being observed. And you can even appeal. After appealing to him, if he will not listen, you can take it to the church. This is, again, the built-in safety net that the Lord has put into his design for marriage and the church is that you can call out your husband's sins because every man, I remember a minister once told me, he said, no man should seek to be in authority if he's not under authority. It's a dangerous thing to not be under authority. And if a man won't do it, he's not worthy of being a husband and is probably a despot in the making. Well, to return to the first verse, The wives are to win their husbands with their behavior. See, we don't see this. Be in subjection to your own husbands that if any obey not the word. Not just being unbelievers. I think we have to strike from our mind that this is not just about unbelief. If any obey not the word, they may also without the word be won by the conversation or conduct of the wives. You know, the flesh is very strange. It really is. It thinks that to nag or badger or be contentious will win a husband. It won't. You have probably tried nagging women. You have tried badgering. What should you do? Cultivate that meek and gentle spirit, the fruit of submission, and trust in God, that if any obey not the word, they may also, without the word, be won by the conversation of the wives. And that's why Jesus Christ's example precedes this text, as you see his own example. Well, that takes us to our final heading, which is honor for the wife. And as I've said, we spend a lot of time today developing out the wife's role. And in the next sermon, we'll look more intently on the husband's role, which has far heavier weight, as we heard, to love and cherish and nourish his wife, to wash her with the water of the word, to be the spiritual head of the home, to be loving and kind and caring as an under-shepherd of God, to not exasperate his children. The duties are immense and truly require the grace of God. And like Adam, every man needs to know that they will answer to the Almighty for his leadership in the home. Our flesh, I think, is too eager for leadership. I've thought about that. Men want to be presidents. Men want to be elders. But such positions have a greater responsibility before God. God judges leaders severely. And husbands are leaders in the home, and they must lead in the fear of God. So what does Peter reveal of the husband's leadership for tonight? Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered." Now this is a challenging, challenging text, and we'll have to unpack it more in future sermons. But husbands first are called to dwell with their wives. Again, she is your closest companion, men. She's not She's not an appendage to your life. She's not an appendage to your life. She is not your servant. You dwell with her. You left your father and your mother, and you forsook all others, you said, to dwell with your wife. And you dwell with this woman. You dwell with her above all others in your life. She's not your roommate either. That's not what it means to dwell with her. She is your treasured companion through all of life, with all its ups and downs, right? For better or for worse, we often make that vow. You can make friends with other men, but they will come and go, or they must come and go. You will have children, perhaps. Let children come and go. But none, none of these are to dwell with you as you will your wife, who, as we have heard, is your queen. She is your closest companion, your greatest love outside of Christ, set above, even in Ephesians 5, above your own life. You have to be willing to give your own life for her. And you are to dwell with her according to knowledge or understanding of her. And I have found precious few treatments on this verse, and I might have to come back to it another time. This speaks of the husband's duty to shepherd his wife and lead her well according to his knowledge of her. How many husbands have utterly failed in this? Have you considered, husband, your duty to dwell with her according to understanding, according to knowledge of her? As undershepherds of the home, under Christ men, you are to know your wife, not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually. Who is she? You know, it's the calling of the elder, right, to know the people of God, be well-acquainted, to be diligent, to know the condition of thy herd." Well, you have to know your own home that way, men. You have to know especially your wife. And also, you have to understand your duty. If you're going to dwell with understanding, you have to pick up the book, and you have to understand, what is my duty to my wife? What does God expect of me? Do you understand? Have you ever even thought on this verse and its implications for your leadership in the home? Many men have not. You're not to simply demand whatever you want of your wife. That's tyranny, right? You hate it in your government. You say, this has been really kind of fascinating. I've met many men who say, my wife has to do whatever I want, no matter what, and they hate the government. It's the most profound thing, right? It's like they hate submission themselves, but my wife has to do whatever in the world I feel like she must do. It's insanity in a kind of way. We've noticed this. Our elder prayed about some ministers who would be happy to have their people submit to themselves, but when it comes to presbytery saying, you must turn from your evil path, they say, well, I'm just going to walk away and not submit. That is wickedness. That's a tyrant. So why do you think you should lead your home that way? You know, Jesus Christ is your pattern, husbands. What did he say? For even the Son of Man came not to be ministered unto, but to minister and to give his life for ransom for many, Mark 10, 45. And this requires the grace of God as well. So you need to understand the woman God has given you. They're all different. They are all different. And a woman's not even like her mother, necessarily. Every woman is different. This requires time with the Lord, time to get to know your wife. Every woman has different talents, different strengths, different weaknesses, different sinful tendencies, even. You're not to exasperate your wife, you're to know her. Not every woman is pressed out of the same mold, and they have different capacities that have been given them. In seminary, even, we were talking about the notion of a pastor's wife, which is no office at all in the Bible. Our professor would say, you know, some women, like men, are five-talent women. Some are one-talent women. And you have to know what your wife's talents and gifts are and how they may be serving the church or not serving the church. And it's the same way at home, men. You know, my wife has a strength in her that the Lord has blessed. I was telling this to the visitation team. And it is a strength the Lord has given her that allowed me to go off to seminary for weeks at a time, or I minister in communion seasons or whatever. And she can manage and run the home wonderfully well. But the mistake all men would make is to look on my wife in that way and say, well, my woman has to do that too, right? You have to dwell with her with understanding. Maybe she can do it, maybe she cannot, but do you understand her? Some women can make clothes all day for the children, others cannot. Some women can create their own homeschool curriculum and are brilliant at it, others cannot. Some need assistance in educating the children. On and on the case studies go, but you have to dwell with her with understanding. And that is a key phrase that must come to you each day, husband. And for shepherding your wife in this way, Peter wants you to know she is the weaker vessel. She is the weaker party in the marriage. Physically, yes. Weaker than her husband, ordinarily. Not just physically. And this is unpopular to say. Emotionally, too. She is more sensitive. She feels her wounds. I'm not talking about physical wounds. She feels wounds more keenly. What you might shrug off and say, no big deal. can greatly affect a woman. It really can. And young men, I've had to give this advice more than once, you need to get this straight now. And it's simple, but it's profound. A woman is not a man. A woman is not a man. They are the weaker vessel. And even boys, as you grow up and you have sisters, you cannot treat your sisters like brothers. You need to treat them as young ladies. Husbands, you cannot shepherd your wife as a cattle driver leads the cattle. She is to be shepherded as the good shepherd shepherds us, leading his flock gently and with compassion, because she is truly the weaker vessel. She submits to your leadership, yes, but your leadership is one of understanding. If she has, let's just say this, right, and I think on my wife, if she is at her wit's end, could I pile on more duties on her? No. God will hold husbands responsible for exasperating their wives. You need to care for her and you need to help her if she needs it. And you need to cherish her and nourish her as we read in Ephesians 5 last week. And what you must not do, and so many men do this, is you are never ever to despise her for being the weaker vessel either. Why can't she just do that? Or why is it so hard? Why can't she understand? Why is she breaking down because I said this or I went and did that? You're not to despise her for any of that. You're not to say, I don't know why she's so hurt and crying. What a silly woman she is. You're to dwell with her with understanding. And our text says she is to be given what? Honor as the weaker vessel. Not to be despised for it. but to be cared and nourished and honored and tended to. Sometimes, you know, when we say that the woman is the weaker vessel, we say, well, they shouldn't be in combat, and that's true. Well, that's another topic, really. But we neglect to see that as the weaker vessel, they are to be honored and not despised. A man is to give honor to his wife as the weaker vessel. The principle is in 1 Corinthians 12.23, and those members of the body which we think to be less honorable, on these we bestow greater honor. You see that? That's how the Lord works. Hath not God chosen the poor of this world, rich in faith, and heirs of the kingdom, which he hath promised to them that love him? James 2.5. The Lord is often honoring the weaker over the stronger. And that's why, as we think on Proverbs 31, which we'll look at in more detail another time, you have almost an entire chapter devoted to what? Giving honor to the weaker vessel, of which God says, and do we honor our wives this way, her children arise up and call her blessed, her husband also, And he praiseth her. Do you see that? Is this not an application right here from our text? He praiseth her. He says, many daughters have done virtuously, but thou excelest them all. Favor is deceitful. Listen to this, women. And beauty is vain, but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Honor your wives, husbands, and wives, see again who is praised. We go back to Psalm 128, the woman who fears the Lord. Well, husbands, close on this thought. If you don't treat her this way, with honor as the weaker vessel, as one who must be understood, what happens, does Peter say here? Your prayers are hindered. Your prayers are hindered. If you are struggling to see the grace of God in your life, husband, you need to ask, am I, and this needs to be at the forefront of our devotional time every day, am I treating, you know, we're going to pray, right? So what should be one of the first things we are thinking of if we are married, if we are husbands, am I treating my wife as an heir of grace? Because essentially what the Lord is saying, the rest of your prayer is nothing if you don't get that right. Am I living with her with understanding or am I a despot? Am I treating her as a daughter of God Most High? As Malachi says, am I dealing treacherously with the wife of my youth? As I said with the wives, you need the grace of God. So husbands, you need the grace of God as well when it comes to living in this way with understanding. And when you think on your wife and you ask, you might ask yourself, why is my wife so unyielding? And you need to ask, as I asked the women, when has nagging gotten anything from your husband? Am I browbeating my wife into submission or am I leading her into submission? You need to ask yourself, is it my conduct? Am I dwelling with understanding? Am I honoring her? There's many, many, many aspects of marriage that is neglected. Even from a small text like this, there is much here to challenge us every day of our life, husbands and wives. So you must remember, again, this is all impossible for your flesh, all of it. This all needs the grace of God. And you must pray for it. You must be eager for it. And you must seek to dwell with understanding one and another, and see then if, By the grace of God, God would bless your marriage wherever you are out of alignment with this text. If you would repent of it, and you would not first think on the other party, we always have to do this, right? Don't think on your wife, husbands, and wives, don't think of your husbands, think of yourselves tonight, first and foremost. Where do I fall short of the glory of God here? If you do what is proper to his design, by the grace of God, and you do it to honor Jesus Christ, God will bless your marriage, I have no doubt, because you must first think about the glory of God and not your own happiness. And then happiness comes as you are blessed by the Lord. We will leave this here for now and pick up the husbands more next time. We're out of time. But for now, let us rise and go to the Lord in prayer. Our gracious God, as we consider the duties of husbands and wives to love one another in the fear of God and in the grace of God, we are all the more astonished by our Lord Jesus Christ and his perfect love for his church and that perfect marriage that we will enjoy in all eternity. O Lord, help us as the church to be meek and humble and cultivate those graces which are of great price in the sight of God, the things that the Lord honors, help wives develop the grace that is from an inward disposition, and help the husbands here love their wives as Christ loves the church. Help them all have understanding and insight into their wife. Help them, Father, to care for their wives and to lead them gently, as the Lord Jesus does, hiding them in their bosom, in the prayer closet, always bringing their wives before the Lord, that their prayers would not be hindered as they give honor to the weaker vessel. Lord, all these things are contrary to our flesh. We are a selfish, self-centered people in the flesh. Give us the grace of God to overshadow it. And may all these things be done in the grace of God for the glory of God, we ask in Jesus' name. Amen.