Ecclesiastes, and please chapter three, verse one through eight. There is an appointed time for everything, and there is a time for every event under heaven, a time to give birth and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to weep and a time to laugh. A time to mourn and a time to dance. A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing. A time to search and a time to give up as lost. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear apart and a time to sew together. A time to be silent and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace. Father, thank you again for your word, and as we look at this time to lose. Please focus our minds on what we have here, not only in this particular part of your word, but all throughout the New Testament as well. Especially as it relates to giving up our lives for you. And it's in Jesus name we pray. Amen. This is the one thing I want you to get here. This is the one point. OK. God releases you. And he releases you. So that you will release others, he releases you and Through you, he releases others. We've we've sung various songs. And I really wanted to focus on finding songs that dealt with freedom, giving freedom, because it's such an important concept in the New Testament. And yet, if you think about it, you know, you know, many songs that deal with that issue. And I was, you know, that's one of the great things about being a pastor and a preacher in this denomination is you get the psalms, you love the psalms so much, but there are sometimes it's it's difficult to find concepts that are so clear in the New Testament, in the Old Testament. And it can be a real struggle. But I don't think that it's a stretch to do what I did today and to find those places in the Psalter that deal with God delivering those that are distressed and releasing my soul from death. He delivers each one to freedom, to free them from all their troubles. So they're out there. And maybe the problem is just that we don't think in terms of freedom. If you're like me, I can say we. Don't think in terms of freedom like we could like the New Testament. Gives it to us. But stepping back to the broader series. Now, this is a series about loving people. Remember, we've dealt with we dealt with in our in the process of loving people. What do we do? We make connections with people. We go to them. As God comes to us, as God goes through us to make connections, we go in grace and in empathy and we give comfort. Having made a connection, we then speak the truth in love. And sometimes that's a difficult thing. But it's something we're called to do because this is how we grow with each other, right? We grow in grace and the knowledge of Christ as we speak the truth to each other. We're not just living in the superficialities and niceties and pleasantries. This really is a deep spiritual community, and it requires that each of us speaks the truth in love to one another. So we make the connection, which we tell the truth. And then we love each other enough to care about each other's growth. And so, and I'm thinking especially in small groups, but not only in small groups, we care for each other enough to be accountable to one another. And that's part of what we got into last week about helping each other to heal and to give comfort to one another. Well, today, I want to I want to talk about this process as part of of loving one another, that that you see it so much and you see it, especially with Jesus. And you think, how is it that they could have walked away from Jesus? How could if you were if Jesus were here, could you have walked away from him? And yet so many people walked away from Jesus. And what did Jesus do when they walked away? Did he go after him? Did he run after them with warnings? What did he do? He let him go. And so so we got to talk today about letting people go. And there are a variety of ways that we can go at this, but let me just give you a couple of verses so we can see how Jesus teaches about letting people go, letting things go, but particularly in this case, letting people go. We have it both in Jesus and in Paul. Jesus teaches us in Matthew chapter 16, 25 and 26. For he says, for whoever desires to save his life will lose it. Whatever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world and yet loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for a soul? Now, you know, Again, if you're like me, you normally hear that that text and think, OK, that tells me that I shouldn't be really ambitious and I shouldn't try to, you know, to become to rise, to become a captain of industry. I shouldn't be gathering things to myself. And that is certainly a valid part of that. But it's not just things that make up our life. It's also people, isn't it? And so so insofar as it's true that people make up our life, we also here are called to be willing to lose people and to lose our life, lose people for the sake of Jesus. He teaches us also. Jesus teaches us when when he says whoever gives up mother, father, land, nation for my sake and the sake of the gospel will have gained much more than this. It's the same kind of thing that we have here in Matthew 16, 25 and 26. OK, so Jesus teaches it. Paul also teaches it. Chapter 20. Chapter 20 there, Paul is in his he's on final approach, you know, he knows the end is near and he's he's talking to his his elders and in Ephesus there. And and just like Jesus, who sets his face toward Jerusalem. Does it knowing that he has come to the place in his soul, his own soul, that he's willing to give it all up? This is where Paul is, too. And listen to how Paul says very much the same kind of thing. Acts chapter 20, 23 and 24 says Paul says, I don't know what's going to happen to me, but the Holy Spirit testifies in every city saying that the chains of tribulations await me. But none of these things move me, he says. Here it is. But none of these things move me, nor do I count my life dear to myself. You hear Paul saying the same thing that Jesus said, I do not count my life dear to myself. Why, Paul? Why is it you say that? Is it so that you can be a great super Christian? No, listen to what Paul says, "...so that I may finish my race with joy." See, this is the kind of growth that Paul has undergone. He's come to the place where he understands that he has to give up everything. He has to give up his own life in order to finish his race with joy. and the ministry which I receive from the Lord Jesus to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." So, we've got to talk about giving up. There's a time to gather, and there's a time to lose. To lose, not loose. Lose. There's a time to lose. And so what I have for you this morning is that I have a care package for you. I have care. This is our this is our cross that care. Do you care? Care. What is it that we're going to give up? God releases us. so that God through us can release others. God releases us so that through us God releases others. What are we releasing? What are we giving up? What are we losing? First thing is C. We lose the demand for the other person to change. That's the C. We give up control of the other person. And God does not control us. God does not control you. And I want us to think about how God loves us enough not to control us. What if God demanded that you change? Does he demand that you change? Does he demand that you grow? How about that? I mean, it's a tough one, isn't it? Think about that. He says, be holy even as I am holy. Does he demand that you change? He could certainly do that. He could certainly. And I just think, He would be well within his rights if if he were to say to us, I am not even going to hear you again until. You do what I said to do last time. He could do that, right? Couldn't he? I mean, he could he could say to us. Don't even come back until you've done what I told you to do. until you grow up a little bit. He could demand that kind of change. But He doesn't do that. And whether we improve or not, He is there. We all want to grow. We all want to get better. We all want to change and become more Christ-like. But none of us have the right to demand that of others because he himself, God himself does not demand that of us, require it of us as a as a condition of our continuing relationship. But this is something that we have, we have this is an area where we have a real closed fist, right? Some of us more than others, we require that people. Do what we say that they should do. And I see this, I see this on my street, you know, we've got more children on our street now and some are older and some are younger and the older ones I'm noticing are more controlling. You know, there's a game over here and the older ones are wanting to determine how the game is going to be played. They're going to control the game. And then when what happens with the younger ones, what do you think? Do the younger ones receive that kind of thing? They rebel against it. Why? Nobody wants to be controlled. Nobody wants to be controlled. We rebel in the deepest part of our soul against somebody controlling us. Romans 7. When you control somebody, and this is what happens, the older kids, they get older and they think that they are a little more like a parent now, and so they're here to help out the younger ones. They're here to control the younger ones. And when the older ones try to control the younger ones, what are they doing? They're acting like parents. And when the younger ones are acting like children. But what is it that a child does? A child always wants to go away from that control of his parent. And so that's why the younger ones rebel against that influence. And I think of Galatians chapter four, verse three and four here, Galatians four, three and four. What is happening on my street, it's happening on your street and it happens not only with kids, but it also happens with adults that we want to control others. And when we do that, people go away from us, we don't want to be controlled. And this is the great blessing of the new covenant here in Christ. Galatians four, three through five. So while we were children. So also we while we were children were held in bondage under the elemental things of the world. But when in the fullness of time, God sent forth his son born of a woman born under the law so that he might redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive the adoption as sons before Christ. There was law. And Paul is saying, comparing the Old Testament to the New Testament, be comparing the Old Testament control and the way we rebelled against it to when Christ came and he gave us freedom now. We have this freedom, and what we want to do is we want to bless God with it. If we've been completely convinced that we have freedom, that God truly has given us freedom, what we want to do with our freedom is we want to serve Him and serve others with it. So this is how God does it. So lose the demand to control others, because all you're going to do is drive them away. And we want to say this to our older children. Stop trying to control the younger ones, because all you're going to do is drive them away from you. Give them all the freedom they can possibly want. And with that freedom, they'll want to play with you. All right, the second thing. Lose the demand to to control others. Lose the demand also that another person will alone meet all your expectations. Lose the demand that someone else alone will meet all of your expectations. What if God demanded that you alone were to meet all of his expectations for the church? Ever thought about that? You read the Bible and you think there are a lot of expectations here. Maybe God is wanting me to be a John the Baptist. Maybe He's wanting me to be a great evangelist. Maybe He's wanting me to be a great nurturer, etc., etc., etc. A lot of things that God calls for in the Bible, and you could read it that way. You could think that I've got to do it all. But the thing that he humbles Elijah with and the thing that Paul picks up later on in Romans is that even when you think you're alone, God has his eye on all of his church. And there were 7000 that did not bow the need to bail and And we need to remember this, that it's a big body of Christ. And it's not just one other person that's going to be meeting all of our needs as we grow together. It can't be just one other person. A child grows up in a house and for a while, his family only meets all of his needs. And then he gets to the point where he begins to have friends outside the house. And we had something that just kind of, you know, opened my heart up a little bit this week when it was the first time when we live across the street from a family who has has one girl and three boys, and we have two girls and one boy. So we switched. We we took we took their girl and they took our boy. And so I watched our boy go across the street. He left our house with his bag packed, you know. And he just went across the street. But but it was it was enough to just really Thanks. I've got some here. Thanks. But in this in this space, you realize that, you know, you as the as the father or the mother, you're not going to be able to meet all these needs anymore, you know. And you think that there's something sad about that, but then there's also something. Beautiful about that, too, that he's beginning to get his needs and the girls are getting their needs met by others in the neighborhood. And so it is with the body of Christ. We have a big body of Christ. And God wants us to love the bigness of the church. And to and to make these connections, multiple connections through with others throughout the church. If you're a foot, you can't say that you don't have you have no need for a hand. And and you have no need for an eye or a nose or whatever, but you've got all of these members of Christ's body, all of which are available for these connections, and Christ works through these connections. So if you personally are someone who has a need, a deep need for for a lot of connections and and in your own family, you find that your spouse is not someone who's making that a lot of connections with you, then God says. There's this big body of people to whom I want you to be connected with and. And you see this, it's a very it's a it's a beautiful thing when it happens, you have a support system out there and the support system is for you, the support system loves you and therefore the support system loves your marriage, but. God didn't design marriage so that every need would be met by the spouse, but that. The husband has other friends and the wife has other friends, and these friends also love the marriage. And connections are made. Healthy. God honoring connections. And so, though it may be a natural tendency, we grow up in a family expecting our family to be that only place that meets our needs. We open our hand because God says there are others outside the family that that are available to meet your needs also. Lose the demand also, thirdly, lose the demand for the other person to remain when they want to go away. What if Jesus demanded that they stay? He saw the multitude leave him. And in John chapter six, verse 67, after a whole multitude tried to thrust him into power and they realized that they wouldn't be able to control him, they went away. Jesus turns to the twelve and says, will you also go away? Paul saw his friends leave. He said at my first defense, no one stood with me. But they all forsook me. And then Paul does what Jesus did on the cross. And he said, may it not be charged against them. First Corinthians, chapter seven, verse 12 through 17, we have that that passage there, which gives us guidance about divorce. And if an unbeliever wants to leave, let him go. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases. Let the unbeliever go. And Paul doesn't say this flippantly, it's probably the most painful thing. If you've ever been divorced, if you've ever had your heart broken, you had your heart set on somebody and then they had to go. They and you couldn't make them stay. You tried. But if a person's heart is not in the relationship and the relationship is not going to be a loving. God honoring relationship, you're going to have a shell of a relationship there, if the person's heart is not in it. How frustrating that is. I mean, you can perhaps maneuver, cajole, coerce, whatever to get the person to stay, but that's not going to be good for you or for them. And so it is that we need to let them go if they're going to go, let them go. Jesus, let them go. This is what we have to do. This is what's so hard about being an employer. You have to fire somebody. It's just, you know, that'll keep you up at night. You don't want to fire them. You don't want to let them go. But you know, they're not good for your company. You know, they're not good for you and you're not good for them. You want them to go and be successful elsewhere. And yet. It's a very, very difficult thing. So give up the demand that one person is going to meet your need. Give up the demand that you can control somebody. And here, give up the demand that you can make somebody stay if they want to leave. And if you suffered the death of a loved one, you know, the process of grief and how grief has to enter into this also. And what is grief? Grief is the final valuing of the things that you loved about the person that's gone. When you can finally get to that place, when you really love those things about the person that's gone, you're grieving well and you're healing. And this, by the way, is why it's not helpful to be a friend of someone who's just lost somebody and say to them, well, that person wasn't worthy of you anyway. That doesn't help them grieve because they need to get to the place where they can say, I love that about someone who is now gone. It isn't good to hear from someone else that they weren't worthy of you because they were in these various ways. I. Diane's friend, the one that just. Had the husband that died not long ago, I forget her name now. I forget her name. Yeah. Had a beautiful conversation with with her, and I know she wouldn't mind me saying this, but she lost her husband and. Loved him deeply. And now, after after, you know, a couple of years have passed and he's been gone for these couple of years, she is growing to the place where she is beginning to see new things about who he was. That though she didn't value them before, she values them now. You get that. She she didn't appreciate these things about him before while he lived, but now that she's older. She appreciates those things about him that he was before. And I just it was just a blessing to hear her say that because of the beautiful way that she's processing all that grief. But that's an open hand. Letting people go. And then finally. Lose the demand for equity. Lose the demand for for justice and fairness. This also is a big difference between the Old Testament and the New Testament. When you see grace in the Old Testament, but it's not highlighted like we have in the New Testament and. You know, if you look throughout Proverbs, you see all the great arguments for justice. How God loves justice and how we are to be just in all of our dealings, and we are to do that, obviously, but what if God demanded justice? I mean, God does demand demand justice at one level, but what if he demanded Justice. That isn't how he operates. Because God gives grace. And grace isn't fair. I mean, there's something incompatible about insisting on fairness On the one hand, and also living in light of Christ. On the other. Insisting on fairness, this also we see with our kids, right? You know, it drives us crazy. They're playing their games or whatever, and something comes up that isn't fair. And what happens? They lose it. They get stuck. They can't get past it. Because something's not fair. That isn't fair. And you just want to say as the parent, just get over it. It's going to be so much better for you if you just accept the injustice and move on. Why is it so much better? Because. Because what you're asking them to do is to give grace. And you know that ultimately that's going to be better for their soul if they can get to the place when they can go beyond justice and give grace. Paul talks about this in first Corinthians, chapter six. No. In that particular community, you've got people wronging one another and they go to law against one another, and Paul says, why don't you just simply accept injustice? Now, how could Paul do that unless he's talking to a group of people in whom there is a living Jesus Christ? Who also? Received injustice and yet gave grace. So we give grace and we accept injustice for Christ's sake. This doesn't mean that we become doormats. It doesn't mean that we no longer care about injustice, we do. We are called to identify injustice, we are called to protest injustice, but If that becomes who we are, if we allow ourselves to go past the season of protest and allow it to become a persona, if that's who we become, we become protesters of injustice. Then we, like children, stop and we're no longer growing. We're stuck in the middle of the game and we're just not giving grace. And the Christ within us is eclipsed. So that closed fist, I demand justice. With Christ in us, we can turn that around. We can open our hand and we can give more than our 50 percent. We can give more than is required. And it's not us giving, it's Christ within us giving grace. A loving person expects to be let down. I mean, in every marriage, one person is more loving, the other person a little less so. One person is more supporting, the other less so. And marriages break down if both say, if the husband and the wife say to one another, I'll go my 50 percent and no more. But to live in grace is to endure injustice. I mean, that's what so we're called to give grace. God gives grace through us. He gave grace to us and it doesn't stop with us, but he gives grace through us to others. And we had a beautiful thing on forgiveness this morning, and this is this is very appropriate here, I think. In this connection, we we forgive. And I've changed my thinking about this. There was a time when I thought you don't give forgiveness until the person apologizes. The other person has to apologize before you give forgiveness. And I've changed my thinking on that. Because that's just it's certainly just to give forgiveness if the person asks you for it, but that isn't gracious forgiveness. Gracious forgiveness is forgiving before the person asks for it. And normally, we think that when we forgive somebody, what we're doing is we're we're giving them the right not to pay any consequences for what they've done, that's part of it. But. The beautiful thing that we often forget that I often forget about forgiveness is what it does, it releases me from Needing you to do what you need to do, what it releases me from requiring of you certain behavior and asking for forgiveness or or doing the right thing or whatever. I can't require that of you, but I can forgive you. And. Identify the injustice, protest, forgive if it's not rectified. So these are the four things that we release. We give up the possibility, we give up the demand of controlling somebody. And we give up the demand of another person, one other person being our end all be all. That other person is not God. That other person is not going to meet all of our needs. And we give up the demand that that person stay if that person wants to go. Ultimately, we can't change what they do, what they're going to do. If they want to go, they have to go. And then We give up. We give up the demand for fairness and we open our hands to what God is doing. He's working grace in these spaces. We give up for Jesus Christ. Our life. All of our expectations and having given those up. We find our life in Christ because He's the one who's working grace through us. Father, again, thank you for your Word. And so it is that this week we will have opportunities to give, to lose, to release. And they're going to walk away from us. And they're going to treat us unfairly. They're going to drive us crazy, and we're going to know exactly how they ought to change. May we be more like you. And may we participate in the ministry that you're sending through us. In Jesus' name we pray, Amen.