Turn with me in your scriptures to Ephesians chapter 5. This morning we'll focus on select aspects of verses 25 through 33. I certainly won't come anywhere approaching covering all that's there. But I want to begin reading at verse 22, I believe it is, beginning of the whole section about marriage. Ephesians chapter 5. Let's pay careful attention to the reading of God's holy word. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church because we are members of his body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. One of the hallmarks of the Reformed faith that we confess is the great emphasis that we place on the word of God and our need for it. We confess sola scriptura, one of the great phrases, one of the great calling cards of the Reformation, that scripture alone is our final authority in matters of faith and life. And because of this, we assign great value to the ministry of the word, even from this pulpit. Preaching is the center of our worship services in many respects, and rightly so. We put great emphasis in our circles on Christian education, and rightly so. We also encourage scripture reading and worship at home, both individually and as families. In general then, we can say that our reformed churches highly value the word of God and its ministry. And by the grace of God, that is a very wonderful heritage to possess and be a part of. And yet, even in the midst of all the places where we do emphasize the ministry of God's word in our lives, in my own experience, there's one important place where we often do not talk about it much, or I think probably practice it. That is in the privacy of marriage itself, between a husband and his wife. At church, yes, together around the table with the family, I think often so, or at least I hope so. But in the privacy of marriage from a husband to his wife, I'm afraid this is much more rare. But our passage today tells us about a strategic location in which God's word should be regularly ministered. That is in the inner sanctum of a husband's personal love for the woman that God has given him as his wife. So this morning we consider how Paul tells the church, husbands, love your own wives as Christ loved the church, washing her with the pure water of the word. I think there are at least four points that we want to consider in this basic topic. The first point this morning is this, why a husband has authority in marriage, why a husband has authority in marriage. Now in conservative reform circles, I think we're generally clear on the fact that God has designed marriage with a particular structure in which the husband is the head over his wife. This means, among other things, that a husband has been given a distinct authority in the marriage that his wife does not possess. Such teaching from scripture, of course, I'm sure you're aware, has been controversial in the broader church. But I think still in our own circles, we're generally clear about it. And this passage in Ephesians 5 is one of the main reasons. At the same time, though, while we're usually clear about the fact that husbands have authority from God, I think we are often less clear about why this is so. For what purpose is a husband the head of his wife? Our passage is quite clear on this as well. And the answer is not simply to provide order in the family because, well, somebody has to have the last word. And the answer is also certainly not because the husband is more important than his wife or necessarily more accomplished or gifted or to be the center of attention per se. Quite to the contrary, really, our passage teaches us that God has given husbands authority in marriage in order to serve, and specifically to serve their wives and be able to meet their wives' needs. One of the interesting things about this passage as you read through it, a description of a husband's duty in this chapter, how much the passage doesn't focus on husbands, but on the wife, and how the husband should care for her. And so Paul says, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her, so that he might present her to himself, that she might be holy. In the same way, he says, husbands should love their wives. Often we think of a wife as someone who's supposed to serve her husband, to be his help meat. And that is very true. Genesis 2 teaches us that. Eve was created to be a helper suitable for her husband, and that continues to be truth today for wives even now. But the flip side of this truth, which is seen in Ephesians 5, is often missed. Not only is a wife made to be a help to her husband, but in his own way, a husband is no less of a servant to his wife. He's to use the position that God has given him in marriage, not to serve himself or his own whims, but to help his wife to meet her needs, just as Jesus Christ has done and continues to do for his bride, the church. You see, there are many important differences between husbands and wives in marriage, differences that God has created to be there and that we dare not diminish or neglect. But you must also see that service is not one of those differences. Yes, husbands and wives should serve each other in different ways, typically, according to the different roles that God has given to each in scripture. but they're still both designed to serve. In the case of the husband then, God has given him a unique authority that his wife does not have, but he's given it to him for a specific reason, so that he can carry out his love for his wife by serving her. And actually, if we step back from this passage and think about it, we can see in scripture that really all authority is designed in this same way in God's creation. Not for the person that has the authority, but for those under him. It's true in civil government. Romans 13 teaches that, and it's no less true in the church. Jesus says in Mark chapter 10, you know that those who are considered rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them. But it shall not be so among you. But whoever would be great among you must be your servant, and whoever would be first among you must be slave of all. See, by God's design, all human authority is given for the sake of service. And this is true for husbands as well. Adam was given authority over Eve in order to be her helper, serve her. Of course, we know that the greatest example of authority being used for service is, in fact, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5 makes that point as well. Husbands, love your wives. as Christ loved the church, gave himself up for her. God, the Son, co-equal with the Father from all eternity past, came to earth not to be served, but to serve his bride. Same way, Paul says, husbands should love their wives. Well, secondly, if it is true that a husband's authority is meant for service, then we need to ask the question, how? How is he supposed to do this? How exactly should that authority express itself in service? And I think the answer to that question has especially two parts in this passage. One part of the answer is by showing us the breadth of the husband's service, that husbands are to serve their wives comprehensively in every possible way. Notice in our passage what things Paul compares a husband's love to. Husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies, verse 28. Husbands are to love their wives as they love themselves, also in verse 28. And husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, verse 25. These comparisons immediately show just how broad and deep a husband's love and service should be. No sooner Will he stop serving his bride? Then Christ will stop loving the church. What could we possibly exclude from such a description? Clearly, this is not a matter of a mere checklist to be completed every once in a while. A few agenda items to keep in mind. Nor is it something that can be compartmentalized to just one area of life or another. In other words, service is not one of the things a husband should do alongside other things. He's not to serve in a few ways or at a few times, and then the rest of the time just focus on being the boss. No, the loving service that Paul describes must be broad and all-encompassing. We think that Paul has something less than this in mind, and we've not grasped either the extent of our love for ourselves for the extent of Christ's love for us. Those loves are boundless. They're overflowing. They're knowledgeable, sensitive to need, anticipate what might be needed, painstaking in the way that they make provision. What do you have then, husbands, that you will not sacrificially use for your wife? Time. Money. Energy. Yes, even in fact, your own life. See, the example of Christ does not say, this over here is my space, or this over here is a man's prerogative. This is the room of the house, or the time of day, or the friend, or the activity that's just for me, that I won't give up or use for the sake of my bride. Husbands are to love their wives with all that they are and all that they have, just as Christ has done first for us. But alongside the breadth of the husband's love for his wife, we also see a second aspect of how husbands should use their authority. And that, I think, is a more specific and particular way that Paul focuses on here in our passage. Yes, a husband's service to his wife should be broad, but it must also have a particular focus or center to it. We see that focus in what Paul spends the most time describing here. Among all the things that a husband should do for his wife, the chief thing which Paul gives special attention to is this. He should minister God's word to her gently, privately, and personally for her sanctification. So Paul says, beginning in verse 25, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. He goes on and says, in the same way, husbands ought to love their own wives. You see, this language that Paul chooses here of washing her with water is body language. It's used purposefully because throughout the whole passage, Paul speaks both of Christ as head over the church, which is his body, and the husband as head over the wife, who is his body. The point of comparison is purposeful. And so he describes the work of Christ in this sort of bodily way, as a washing with water. in order to create that parallel. Christ gave himself up in order to wash the church with the pure water of the word, and so husbands ought to follow that example with their wives. In other words, Paul's chief concern is not simply that a husband be more sacrificial with time or money in general, as important as those things are also, but he's concerned that a husband gives sacrificially to his wife in ways that promote her sanctification. That is why he highlights this one particular form of service. Speaking to your wife from the word of God to edify and encourage her spiritually. Husbands, Paul says, love your wives by washing them with the pure water of the word. Husbands, serve your wives as Christ does for their holiness. Not because you're better than her, Not because you are cleaner than her and need no washing yourself, but just because you are her husband. Seek to imitate Christ for her good. See, what Paul does here is describe a husband a lot like as we might think of a private pastor for his wife. Presents the word of God to her for her health. You could also think this way. In a way, Paul describes a husband here quite differently than he would probably describe a pastor, at least in one way. Because the words that he chooses here to describe the husband are really quite personal, even intimate. Doubt that Paul would really tell Timothy to do this for all the women in the church, right? And those particular words. Wash them, Timothy. No. The particular care that's personal. It means that husbands should be doing something close and private and gentle. It means, husbands, that you must speak to your wife from the word, not just in a generic way, but in a way particular to her. As her husband, no one else sees the dirt in her life as up close and personal as you. No one else ought to know her heart quite like you do either. and therefore see what sort of help she needs. You know, or you should know, what she struggles with. You know what her fears may be or her inner failings. And so you have this unique position in her life and the unique opportunity and duty to apply God's word to her individually, bathing her with the word of God. You see, washing with water is, as I said, an intimate picture. And God designs the intimacy of marriage, among other things, for an intimate personal service of his word. Notice here too how the husband's service to the wife is meant to be gentle. Paul doesn't say, rebuke your wife. Now, that's not to say that rebuke is never a part of marriage. The lifetime of two sinful people working together and living together that's not to be expected to be absent, but that's still not where the emphasis is primarily here. First and foremost, Paul describes something that's gentle, washing in verse 26 or nourishing and cherishing in verse 29. The ministry of a husband to his wife is not to be caustic or severe. It's not to be abrupt or harsh. The passage here describes personal, delicate hygiene. Not saying to get the power washer out. Clean off the back porch. Important to recognize then that Paul isn't just telling husbands, husbands tell your wife what's wrong with her. Duty isn't criticize your wife in the name of marriage. The point again is serving her to meet her needs. And so husbands, we must bring the word to our wives gently and seek to provide for them richly as the word of God does. Is your wife fearful? Many of our wives are. Should use the word of God to encourage her, tell her of God's provision for her, of his loving and fatherly care, both for her and those she loves and perhaps worries about. Your wife feel worthless. Use the word of God to direct her eyes to Christ and point out the dignity that she has and the value that he gives to her. Does she struggle with contentment? You use the word of God to remind her how God will and is providing for all of her needs according to his riches and mercy in Christ Jesus. And we could go on and on and on with different particulars. You see, when we talk about ministering the word, we're talking about the full range of God's purposes with the word. feeding, encouraging, reminding, nourishing, strengthening, and yes, perhaps at times rebuking. Sometimes, indeed, strong words are needed in marriage. Can't sidestep that or avoid it, even if we might want to. But even those words should be gentle and out of love. And so we see here then both the breadth and the focus of a husband's service to his wife. In general, he's to serve her with all that he has, but in particular by speaking to her gently and personally from God's word. Well, thirdly, we can ask if husbands are told to minister the word to their wives, then why don't we do it? I think there are a lot of reasons for that, and I want to comment just on a few of them at least. Some of us probably don't minister the word to our wives because we've not been taught much to do that or never had it clearly explained or perhaps never seen a very clear example of it in our own experience. Part of the problem here probably comes down to the way that we men tend to talk to each other when we're with each other. I wouldn't say it tends to go real deep most of the time. We like to stick to easy topics like work, cars, working on cars, a real broad range, sports. And of course, sometimes that's fine enough. But really by itself, those kinds of limited and more or less surfacy conversations don't suffice. We need to find ways to encourage each other, brothers. We need to find ways to talk more substantively about these real issues that exist in our lives. Have you ever noticed a man whose wife grows more and more godly over time? I hope that you have. Maybe you should ask him sometime what part he's had in that. What does he do to serve his wife? How does that work? There might be a lot to learn from a husband like that. Some of us probably don't minister the word to our wives because it's hard. It's difficult. It takes a lot of time and effort and energy. We work hard all day as it is, right? And we don't have a lot of time or energy left over, perhaps. Of course, there's some truth to that. But let me ask you, brothers, do you have enough time for television? Do you have enough time for sex? Favorite hobby? See, those things take time and energy too, don't they? Most of us find a way to get around to them. In the end, really, we all give time and energy to whatever we think is important. We make time for things that we value. Paul says to us here, brothers, minister the word to your wives. Most of us know exactly how we want our wives to serve us. need to be even more serious about how God wants us to serve them. Others of us may not minister the word to our wives because we feel too unworthy or that we don't know how to do it or what to do. Maybe you don't feel like you're good with words. Maybe your wife is more well read than you or seems more mature than you. But really the point here is not to say something profound or new to your wife that she's never heard and is going to blow her away. The point isn't to impress her. The point is just to say something loving, something true, something from God's word. You don't need a seminary degree to be a husband. You just need to know your wife and to know something from scripture that might help her. You could start simply by telling her something that helped you from a recent sermon, from your own Bible reading. Maybe you can attend a men's Bible study and find something to encourage her with, that you could share with her. Whatever the case, though, the point is this. A husband doesn't minister the word to his wife because he knows more than her or because he's brilliant. He ministers the word to his wife because God told him to. Ladies, That also means that a husband doesn't have to earn the right to speak to his wife. Husband simply has a God-given duty to perform, whether elegantly or awkwardly, still to do it out of faithfulness to the Lord. Some of us may not minister the word to our wives because we're too afraid. Be honest. We don't have the courage. Maybe we think it's going to lead to an argument. Maybe we're pretty right about that. Maybe that shows how much the word is really needed in your marriage. Both of you. Maybe we're too afraid the conversation will just end up bringing up our own failings and our own sins. If I talk to my wife about her sin, then mine will probably come up either directly or by implication. Kind of clear, isn't it? The elephant in the room, I said that, and then I realized, well, a lot of the reason that you do that is because I do something else. Spotlight's on me now as well, even if I'm the one talking. Your wife sins in one way, partly because you sin in another way, and talking about it is likely to bring both of those things up, right? But don't you think that God knows that? See, husbands, before you go talking to your wife about the speck in her eye, Scripture urges us to first try to remove the beam from our own eye. Before you bring something up difficult to your wife, you should ask the question, do I do the same thing? Or do I do something else that provokes and helps provoke that? Really, this comes with the territory, though, doesn't it? See, in the end, husbands and wives both have to realize this, and we both have to approach marriage humbly or it doesn't work. You're both sinners, you both need the same word of God, and the reason a man ministers the word to his wife is not because he's perfect or more holy, but again, because God told him to. Husbands simply have this duty, and we simply need to have the courage and the humility to man up to it. Wives have a corresponding duty to hear what is true from the word, whoever speaks it, not least from her own husband. Really, in the end, I think that God designs marriage in this way. If you think of a pastor in his own life, is it always easy to get up here and preach every single text? Does he always think, oh yeah, I'm really good at this, what this text talks about, so I can talk about it? No, it's convicting. When you prepare to speak to other people from God's word, it shines a light on yourself as well. And it's meant to. See, as a husband promotes the sanctification of his wife through the word of God, what else is happening? Own sanctification is being worked on through the word of God. Brings us to our fourth and our final point, We've talked about why a husband has authority in order to serve. We've seen how a husband is to serve, in particular, with all that he has, of course, but specifically by using God's word. We've seen a bit, too, about why we as husbands often fail to do these things. A whole range of sins on our part. That leads us finally to why husbands and wives can and should live in the way that this passage describes. The answer, of course, lies in the perfect provision of grace that we have from Jesus Christ. Some time ago, I preached on this text, nowhere close to here, and after the service, two dear saints came up to me, both of them women. They thanked me for my sermon, and then they said, we're glad we're not men. Being a husband is hard. I thought to myself, wow, they really listened. They got it, right? These ladies understand exactly what the Bible says here. Yes, brothers and sisters, what we've talked about today isn't easy. Awkward, it's difficult, it's uncomfortable sometimes. It gets less so if you do it, by the way, if you do it regularly. I know that what we've described here from God's word might feel daunting. It might even feel impossible. And the good news is that it is impossible on your own. See, in our sin, apart from Christ, all that God designs for marriage, all of that goodness, all of that richness is impossible for us. In our sin, apart from Christ, husbands tend to abuse their authority either by being harsh or by being neglectful and passive. In our sin, apart from Christ, wives tend to either resist their husbands, try to take their place, upending God's design. But brothers and sisters, thanks be to God that we are not in our sin apart from Christ. Thanks be to God that we are no longer enslaved to sin, but we've been redeemed from it by a love that is more perfect and more powerful than any husbands or wives will ever be. Because ultimately, brothers and sisters, Eve's helper is not just her husband, it is Jesus Christ, as it is for all of us. And it is only through Christ's love that we're able to put off sinful ways of living in marriage and to put on new patterns of obedience. This love provides the cleansing that all of us need as we continue to sin throughout our lives and the help to also forgive one another for those same sins. And in this love that God has shown to us, the service that both husbands and wives are called to in marriage is not only possible, but it is in fact a privilege. It's a privilege because when we grasp hold of the grace of Christ for our marriages, and when we follow his commands, something remarkable begins to happen even in our own midst. Our marriages begin to create visible, beautiful pictures of Jesus Christ's relationship to us for all to see. The privilege of seeking a godly marriage is the privilege of painting a portrait of who Christ is and who we should be as his bride. Have you ever noticed this? Have you ever observed a godly marriage and said to yourself, you know, I really learn a lot about Jesus Christ by watching that man love his wife. Or I really learn a lot about what the church should be and what I should be towards Christ by watching that woman respect her husband. We want our children to grow up and profess the Lord Jesus Christ as their savior. Well, how do they learn about Christ? Fortunately, there are many ways. But one of them is by watching dad. Christ harsh. Christ lazy. Of course he's not. Ask ourselves, what kind of picture are we painting here? What kind of testimony are we giving about who our Savior is? But on the flip side, what a privilege it is, what a great privilege it is to give living testimony through your marriage to this everlasting bond between ourselves and our Savior, to see His transforming power at work, to understand His Lordship and His love and His care in this very beautiful way. So, friends, I put this before you. Marriage is a place where the Word of God should be ministered. Regularly, privately, gently, and humbly, as a husband imitates Christ by watching his own wife for the Word. By God's grace, we can live in this way. And as we do, it will result in greater sanctification for those two people, but it will also result in greater testimony to a watching world and to even us here amidst each other. Privilege of seeing Jesus Christ in someone else more and more. Beauty that creates. Let us pray for these things together and endeavor after them together and talk about them with one another as we have need. for his glory and until he returns to get us all as our bridegroom. Let's pray. Our gracious God and our Heavenly Father, we know that your word is challenging to us. It exposes our sin in all varied ways. It exposes our resistance, our desire oftentimes to go our own way. And yet, Father, it also warns us and it shows us in minute detail all the hurt and all of the sorrow and all of the dysfunction that is produced by that. So we ask for your continued mercy. We ask for your restoring and renewing grace. We ask for your forgiveness as we fail. We ask for your courage and your humility to simply face up to what we're clearly taught. and to seek day by day to put one foot in front of the other in obeying you. Minister to us then we ask by your grace, give us your spirit and may the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, our husband, our bridegroom, our Lord and Savior fill us richly for these purposes. We ask this in his name, amen.