Well, on a Sunday morning, we're going through Paul's letter to the church at Ephesus, and we've done the doctrinal section, the great truths of Christianity. Who is God? How can I know him? What has he done for me? Well, he sent his son, the Lord Jesus Christ. And astonishingly, to pinch yourself at times, it's almost too good to be true. Can it be true? Even as a believer, you wonder if you're deluded at times, you have to be honest. Can such an astonishing thing be true? That a holy, pure, righteous God would send his son who would willingly come, the second person, the one triune God, and lay down his life for those who rejected him and despised him and gone their own way because of this dreadful disease of sin, which would sink us to hell. But here's the answer, the Lord of glory himself comes and dies in our place, he rose again, and there's the path before us simply trusting in Him, and then we're moving safely through the Red Sea, as it were, through the path of this life, walls of water either side, Egyptians behind us, the promised land ahead, and what a great thing it'll be to be there. All the way my Savior leads me if I'll follow Him all the way. Once in Christ, of course, always in Christ, but I might get wet occasionally, and I might get one or two arrow stings here and there. but I'm going to land safely because he's the one who saved me. I need to keep on pursuing and to keep on following all the way. And he leads me in every area of life. And we've paused for quite a while now on the area of marriage because it is such a fundamentally important and vital area. The first institution that God set in place was that of marriage, and we've spent some time, five or six sessions now, looking at different areas of this. origin of marriage, the purpose of marriage, the role of a wife, the role of a husband. I want to think this morning on this question and we'll range around from this a little as well, particularly at the start. Here's the question I want to focus on and develop and widen a bit. How do we find a husband or a wife? How do we find a husband or a wife? You see, I want to digress a little at the beginning, because I want to say this, how do we find a husband or a wife? That is, if we are to have one. If we are to have one. I heard a statistic a couple of weeks ago that said actually around about 40% of adults in Britain are not in a stable long-term relationship, either cohabiting or with a husband or with a wife. by no means everybody gets married. That has to be said and emphasised. It's not as if you're odd if you're not married. There'll be quite a number here this morning through many different circumstances who are not married. But I hope you found the series helpful and I hope that this will be helpful for you this morning. Not all will get married. Now, why is that? Well, there are some hints throughout the Bible, particularly if you turn to page 807 of the Pew Bibles or 1 Corinthians chapter 7, you'll find these very interesting words. I'll read verse 1 initially. 1 Corinthians 7 verse 1, Now for the matters you wrote about, It is good for a man not to marry. Isn't that a surprising thing? It is good for a man not to marry. And the Greek word good, kalon, does it ring any bells in Welsh? Does it mean pure? Good? Kalon? Pure heart? Clean? Kalon? Heart. Alright, heart. Good. It fits very well. It's a... It's... Well, it doesn't actually. I thought it meant good. But anyway, hearts are a good heart. There's a root there and a link somewhere. Forget that. Anyway, kalon. The Greek word means good, noble. It means excellent. It means beautiful. So it is good. It is noble. It is excellent. It is beautiful for a man not to marry. Or another way of putting it is this, what the word is trying to say here in the context is, it is quite okay, it's quite alright, it's quite legitimate not to be married. Now is that you here this morning? Well then God wants to say to you, that's okay, in fact that's good, in fact that's an excellent thing. If that's the will of God for you, that is okay, it is okay for a man not to be married. A little bit later on in 1 Corinthians 7 and verse 7 we have Paul saying this, I wish that all men were as I am. Now at this stage in Paul's life we believe he's not married. He would have been married at some point. As a good Jew, Jewish young men got married early for they felt it was only right, they fulfilled the great divine commission Go forth and fill the earth and subdue it and a man to have his wife and Jewish boys got got married Certainly the Pharisees would take a wife to fulfill that that requirement that God they so put put before them But here he's not married and he's saying I wish that all men were as I am but each man has his own gift from God one has this gift another has that and Now to the unmarried and widows, I say it is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. Same word, it's OK, it's noble, it's an excellent situation to be in. Why is that? Why does Paul say it's OK, it's good, that it's quite an excellent thing? One has one gift, one has another. What are the issues that he brings out? And he brings out a few issues certainly here in 1 Corinthians 7. For example, look at verse 26. Now, we're not too sure exactly what this was, but he mentions a crisis. 1 Corinthians 7, 26. Because of the present crisis, I think it is good for you to remain as you are. Are you married? Do not seek a divorce. Are you unmarried? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned. And if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life. And I want to spare you these." If you're not married, at the moment you're being spared, Paul would say, many problems and troubles in this life. So marriage isn't all an easy bed of roses. I get married and that's it. Wonderful. How wonderful. There is an element in which it is, certainly. We can say that. But there are certain difficulties that come with marriage. Verse 32. I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs. How he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world. How he can please his wife. And his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs. Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world. how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way, in undivided devotion to the Lord." Now, what's he saying? He hasn't got a downer on marriage. It's not good for the man to be alone, but it is good to be unmarried. It's OK. It's a legitimate position to be in. One has one gift, one has another. Some recognise this gift from God, a gift of singleness. Now here's a single lady, I could take an example, Paul has gone back to Birmingham now, but she's thinking very strongly, what's the Lord's will for me? Is the Lord calling me abroad? She's feeling she'd like to work with street children in Brazil. With Paula's character, wherever she goes, she feels a compassion for whoever she's around and with. So when she was in India, then she was very much warm towards the plight of Indian children. She's gone to Brazil, and she's got this archer house. She's looking forward to going back there. And if it's the Lord's will, and she wants to be certain, she wants us to pray with her, then she will apply for Bible college, and she will go there. And that's her aim. That's her consideration. Imagine if she was married. Can she just think in that way exclusively? Of course not. She'd have to consult and pray with her husband, in fact there's no way she'd be going by herself anyway. It'd be a ministry they both have to be called into and if she suddenly felt, well I feel a compassion on these Brazilian children, there's no way she should go. She would be divided in that sense. But the person who is in an unmarried situation can be, as we all ought to be, fully eyes on, devoted to the Lord and his leading. So, not all will marry. In fact, if you're not married, that's good. That's noble. That's excellent. That's beautiful. That is okay. That's entirely legitimate. It's a good state to be in, if you have from the Lord, this gift of singleness, and you find yourself in that situation right now. That is a wonderful situation to be in. Here it is in the Scriptures. But what of those who are to be married? Why should we marry? For all the reasons I've been saying the last four or five weeks, I don't have to go over that again, do I? Certainly, certainly not. It's interesting though here that Paul does bring out one reason why, which taken out of context is a very strange and unbalanced thing. So we have in verse 9, well I'll read verse 8 and 9. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say it's good for them to stay unmarried as I am, but if they cannot control themselves they should marry, for it's better to marry than to burn with passion. A little bit later on. Verse 36, here's a couple who are going out together. Verse 36, if anyone thinks he's acting improperly towards the virgin he's engaged to, and if she's getting on in years and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He's not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion, but has control over his own will, who has made up his mind not to marry the Virgin, this man also does the right thing. So then he who marries the Virgin does right, he who does not marry her does even better. Paul's focusing here on immorality. And here's a man who finds he cannot control his passions. He ought to get married, says Paul. He is a young man going out with a girl, might not be a young man, maybe an older man, going out with a lady. If he can't control himself, he ought to get married. Not to have a long engagement, of course, she's got to agree as well, that's of course necessary. But that's only an aspect of marriage. And you can see that if that were there by itself, marriage is not simply about the sexual relationship. The one-flesh relationship is far bigger than that, but we've covered that on previous occasions. Now, how do we find the right wife? Probably the most important decision you will ever, ever make. Of course, the most important decision is that day you trusted in the Lord Jesus Christ as your Saviour. If you stay close to Him, that's the key, you're not going to go far wrong. All the way, my Saviour leads me. But make a wrong decision here in that choice of a husband or a wife and you could be in great difficulties. The Lord is gracious and can override and can help and give grace and strength, but certainly It's a very, very important decision that you make. The right wife or husband is a real blessing from the Lord. So we read there in Proverbs chapter 31, it's focusing on the wife but it would apply to a husband also. So Proverbs 31 and verse 10, a wife of noble character who can find she's worth, now listen to this, far more than rubies. Would you like a big bag of rubies this morning, gentlemen? If I was out at the door there giving out bags of rubies, maybe worth a million pounds a bag, you'd quite... I'm sure you'd be interested, but wouldn't you rather have a wife of noble character? Because she's worth not just more than, but far more than Rubies, so let's put 10 million. We can't really put a figure on it because the dramatic difference she will make to your life. If she's the right one, the wife of noble character, who can find she's worth far more than rubies? The wrong wife or husband is, well to say disaster, it's not putting too powerful a point on the matter. It is a very distressing situation to be in. Samson chose the wrong wife. He was impulsive. Delilah never became his wife, but he married beforehand and then there was a dust-up even at the wedding reception. And he stormed off in a huff, went back a few months later, picked up the wife he'd married and found that she'd been married off to the best man. It was a disaster. It was the wrong wife. Ahab married badly Jezebel who, well he wasn't such a good chap initially but certainly she led him astray with many foreign gods. Proverbs has quite a bit to say on the matter so Proverbs 12 and verse 4, a wife of noble character is her husband's crown. What a wonderful thing. to have your wife as that outstanding crown, the thing that finishes the man off, but in a right way, not finishes him off, but finishes him off, crowns him, crowning glory. Husband, is your wife your crown? Does she crown you? What is she to you? She ought to be, that's a wife of noble character is her husband's crown, and you can lift up your head But a disgraceful wife, now look at this, this is very graphic, is like a decay in his bones. Now, if you've got a pain in your bones, I believe, I'm told, it's one of the most difficult pains to deal with, one you can't really get away from, the very centre of your being is always there, that ache, there's something not right. So, and a little bit later on, Proverbs 19, verse 13, foolish son is his father's ruin and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping. It's very graphic, things don't change, it's written 3,000 years ago but you understand exactly what that's about. There's no getting away from it, it's just that constant dripping and you're aware it's there in the background and you're not getting away from it. You can't get away from it. Here you are, shackled to this person, not united. It's not that the two have become one flesh. It's still one plus one equals two. And those drips seem to get louder and louder. It's constant dripping. They're the wrong wife. So, it's a very important decision that we make. How can we make the right decision? Well, there are some lessons we can learn from the first. marriage which was Adam and Eve. God taking initiative, verse 18 of chapter 2, it's not good for the man to be alone, I will make a helper suitable to him and of course all the animals pass by, Adam names the animals but no suitable helper could be found for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, this is now born of my bones, flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man. For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. So, there with the first marriage, how do I find the right person? Well, look at what happens to Adam. How did he find the right person? Notice that it's God's initiative that he should get married. He would have been single apart from the initiative of God. We don't find that Adam's approaching God saying, what about a wife? I can see there's Mr. and Mrs. Elephant, Mr. and Mrs. Giraffe, Mr. and Mrs. Aardvark, all right? Mr. and Mrs. Kangaroo. But what about me? I seem to be alone. No, God took the initiative. So, although maybe Adam is a little bit puzzled about the situation, we don't see or read that he's getting anxious about it, but God takes the initiative. At the right time, God says it's not good for the man to be alone. And look at Adam's choice. Is making the right choice difficult? I want to say if you follow the right principles, then no. Adam's choice was easy, wasn't it? Didn't have to go online, not against that. Didn't have to go on Oak Hall holidays, not against that. Didn't have to go to singles clubs, not against that. I was a Christian one of course. But Adam's choice wasn't difficult. It was Eve. But then there was only one to choose from. Surely a task for you and me is a little bit more difficult because with six billion people on the planet there's three billion to choose from. How can we get it right? We do find that Adam liked his wife. He's delighted with her. Don't forget the poetry that he comes out with here. Born of my bone, flesh of my flesh." They had much in common, bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. And notice again, I want to emphasize this, we've done it before, the position and the status of the man and the woman, they are equal together before God. They have different roles, we've looked at that, but equal in status before God. Now there's the first marriage. God taking the initiative, God bringing the woman to the man, A man's choice being easy, he actually liked her, he delighted in her, and the union was blessed by God. Now the application for us, in finding a life partner, there's God's part and there's your part. As for God's part, don't forget, He brought Eve into Adam's life. And I want to say, that if you are to be married, could well be you'll have this gifted singleness all your life. Don't despise that. The folks who are married, who sadly are not too happy with their situation, don't always look at the other one's situation. Be content, be content where God has placed you and labour for Him in whatever situation you are in. Are you married? Good. If you're not, that's good, that's okay too. Don't always think that others are better off than you are. The Lord has a plan for you. Do you believe that? Do I believe that? Do I really believe it? Do I believe things are out of control? That he's missed me out or he forgot me? He didn't. He didn't. I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. Plans to prosper you. Plans to give you hope and a future. But if you are to marry, The Lord has a person for you. But it will be in his time. In his time. Don't pre-empt it. The story of James Fraser, who went as a missionary to the Lisu people and spent many years there, toiling for just no results, year after year, going around the tribes, leeches and ticks and fleas and the degradation and the hunger and sending, never went home for years but sent prayer letters back home, the people praying for him, don't forget the missionaries, the gospels for the world, we have our missionaries as a church, we need to focus on them, use the church prayer diary, the June one is here, take it and take it home and the missions are mentioned there, we can't forget them, prayers vital and how James Fraser was thankful for the prayers of the people back home because he was about to leave the mission field, he thought well There's nothing here. I've been here 10 years, round and round the tribes. There's nothing here. I'd better go back or go to another mission field. But I'll make one more tour of the tribes on that last tour. It's called Mountain Reindeer Book. What a thrilling read. It was a tremendous revival. And tribe after tribe, people coming to faith. Do we lose hope here? the folks who come in we got contact with. Christ can save today. Christ can save you today. Are you saved yet? If not, why not? The path is there. Get on the path. Look to the Lord Jesus Christ. But there was this great revival. He stayed there many more years. And when he was into his mid-forties, he came back from mission field and became the head of the mission at headquarters and at the age of 48 he married his 23-year-old secretary. Well that was very kind wasn't it? That was lovely. He didn't miss out did he? 48? Marrying a 23-year-old? Well how lovely. In God's time, the right person at the right time, God bringing them together. I know the plans I have for you. Don't Don't hanker after somebody else's situation. God is in control. Trust him. Trust him. So that's God's part. Now when that person comes, I tell you the choice will be simple. Three billion lady in the world, there's only one for me. There's only one for me. I only have eyes for you. Who's laughing? But there is your part as well. There's God's part. There's your part. What do you do? You know, folks think, well, I feel maybe it would be good to be married. So, what do we do? We pray. Approach it spiritually. We pray. We lay things before the Lord. We're honest with God. What's your prayer life like? Honesty. Openness. Not pushy, but honest. and then we are putting ourselves in the way of folks who we potentially could marry. We mix, we go to the AECW joint church things and we go to EMW things where there are large numbers and we go to inter-church events because it could well be there's nobody in your fellowship. Well that's some quite nice folks around here but maybe somebody outside of the fellowship. So we mix, we pray, we mix and then most importantly we trust, patience, waiting, not like Samson, no patience and what a sad thing that really was. What are you looking for in the right person? There was something on Radio Wales a few years ago that said it takes the average girl in Wales 45 seconds to assess a boy to see if he's suitable to marry, 45 seconds. She takes five seconds looking into his eyes, two seconds at his hair, ten seconds on his clothes, there's one second to check the third finger of the left hand. Sadly, maybe that wouldn't be so today. But I notice all those things are external. What are you looking for? It's not anybody or everybody. What are you looking for? Well, back to Proverbs 31. What are you looking for? Proverbs 31 verse 30, charm is deceptive to those external things. Beauty is fleeting. But a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Now what do we get from that? What are you looking for? Number one, absolutely basic. Now there are Christians who disobey here and God can be kind. God is gracious. But don't take it for license. Absolutely basic. The person you marry, if you're a believer, must be a believer. Time's running out. You know that. Let me just remind you of it. You must not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. The two become one. Here you are a temple of the Holy Spirit. Here's someone you're going to marry. He doesn't believe. How can that be? You hope he might believe? You hope that through your witness you'll believe, do you? When you're such a disobedient Christian, you'll be going out with that person anyway. You hope that God will still be kind. Well, God is a God of grace. Don't take that for license, my friend. You can end up in real difficulties. Real, real. A decaying of bones. A constant dripping of the tap. A lady went to see Mr Spurgeon. Mr Spurgeon, very large. preaching in his latter years, touching maybe 20 stone. And Mr. Spurgeon, Mr. Spurgeon met a lovely man, I feel I ought to marry him, he's asking me to marry him, I feel inclined I will marry him. But he's not a believer, Mr. Spurgeon, but I feel from my witness he will come to faith. He's even here in the chapel tonight. Mr. Spurgeon got onto his study table, he got onto the chair, he eventually got onto his desk and he said to the lady, who was quite a slight little lady, Madam, you pull me down, I'll try and pull you up." And clearly the woman won. She pulled him off the table. I hope she wasn't too close as he came off the table. But that's the point. Don't think you can drag somebody up. Disobedient Christian. How can you think that God will intervene when you're in such blatant disobedience to him anyway? Must be a Christian. But more than that, a spiritual Christian. Look out for super-spirituality. I've had Lads, I know lads who said to girls, oh the Lord's told me you're the one I'm to marry. How ridiculous. My reply would be, well the Lord knows my address and he hasn't told me. Beware of super-spirituality. A Christian, a spiritual Christian, listen now, you will have things in common with the one you're going to marry. You'll actually get on. There'll be this filial love for each other and there will be a mutual attraction, there must be eros, there must be something erotic about that relationship it's got to be there, it's from God and then if that's there, I'm old-fashioned, call me old-fashioned, boys, men, you take the initiative, you ask the girl out if I'm going out with somebody for a little while you feel that I'm wrong here, this isn't the one for me it should end, if it is the one for you I really feel quite strongly you should marry and not to delay too long about the matter. When, personal testimony, Jill and I got married, we hadn't got two coppers to rub together. We lived in a shoebox. Well, it was a little bit bigger than a shoebox. One bedroom flat, the toilet was just off the lounge through a stained glass window. You'd carry on a conversation with your guests as they went to the loo and then you went through to the bedroom. Then in the kitchen was the shower. You'd cook the chips and have a shower as well. And we didn't have anything. We didn't have anything. But we had each other. Well, maybe that's from my experience, but maybe there's too much of waiting for everything to be absolutely perfect. I don't think that long engagements are particularly helpful or healthy. I'll leave it there for this morning, because my time has gone. What I will do, God willing, I feel I'm able to do this now, I won't if I'm not ready next Sunday, but to look at what happens when things do go wrong. Then we'll move on, God willing, to parents and children, and then we're into the Christian armour rapidly following on from that. So let's pray together. Father, thank you for your word, your guide for our lives, all the way my saviour leads me in this very important area. Help us to be obedient to you. Feel your word he's saying to us very strongly, to be content in whatever situation you've placed us in. Help us to take that to heart. And Lord, to be led and guided by you, through your word and by your spirit. Keep us, we pray, in Jesus' name. Amen.