if you will, turn with me to Ephesians 6. Ephesians chapter 6. We continue our study here of biblical child training. It says in verse 4, And you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. And so we've been dealing for quite some time, maybe several weeks, on how to deal with anger. And one of the categories that I think naturally flows from that is how do you deal with disrespect and manipulation? I think, you know, certainly outbursts of wrath might get your attention to where you discipline the child, but maybe not so with manipulation. Maybe you tolerate, maybe you've been training your child to manipulate you, and you don't even realize you're doing it, and then they don't even realize they're manipulating you. It's just natural. They've been trained to do it, so it just comes natural. Disrespect in the way they talk to you, the way they communicate to you. You may have trained them to that end and not even realized it, and it's when it gets very blatant that you may just let your boiling point reach to a point where you lash out or you react in anger, which is not beneficial for you, and it's not beneficial for the child either. And so, and I think that's what Paul's actually getting to when he talks about this, about not provoking your child to wrath, but to discipline them, but to train them. and bring them up in the discipline of training and admonition of the Lord. So I thought it would be good to go over this manipulation test. This is something I got out of one of Priolo's books that I thought was helpful. And as you go through it, score it and see how you're doing, and then we'll try to analyze what your score means, where you need to focus your attention. You can see the scale, the rating scale. If when we ask the question, your answer is never or barely, you know, ever or hardly, give it a five. And as you can tell, the higher the score is good and the lower the score is bad. You know, you go all the way down to zero if, you know, they always do it. If the situation based on the question always happens, then you give it a low score, okay? All right, so number one, I have to repeat and or reword instructions before my child follows them. Would you say you don't ever have to do that? Occasionally, always. Where would you score that in your home? And once again, when you've got multiple children, maybe some of them are good, go ahead and rank the lowest one. Because that might draw your attention to maybe there's a couple kids that you've done well with, maybe the older ones. Maybe when you were younger and you have a little more energy and you disciplined them more consistently. And then you kind of got laxed, more permissive as you got older and sleep became more attractive. Or the bed or the couch got a little bit too hard, a little bit more difficult to get out of. But, go ahead, if you have one particular child, maybe that's the one you need to be focusing on. Maybe that's the one you need to work with. Number two, when I ask my child to do something, he asks me why. Not how, but why. Is it natural for your child just to say why all the time? Number three, I find myself having to justify my decision to my child. You may be doing it and you don't even realize it, but you've trained them to this end. What about number four? I have grown weary of certain topics which seem to be discussed over and over again with my child. Are there any patterns or behaviors that you're tired of dealing with them? Number five, I walk away from discussions with my child and I feel guilty. And the idea there, I think, is because of the way they've exasperated you and the way you've dealt with them, you feel guilty over it. Or maybe you feel guilty because you are starting to see the patterns of sinful behavior taking root within them, okay? Number five, or I'm sorry, number six, my child lies to me. Would you say never, seldom, occasionally, frequently, almost always, always? And like I said, it doesn't do you any good to deceive yourself on these, right? You need to be honest with what's going on. All right, number seven, my child is disciplined almost entirely by one parent. Alright, so what happens in a household where only one parent does all the disciplining? Where do you think the manipulation happens? With the more pervasive parent. So you've trained them to be manipulative and it's actually disrespectful towards the other parent. Alright, next, what are we on? Eight, I rescind disciplinary actions or lift the restrictions because of the appeals of my child. I mean, I see it around here, right? You know, I pick up that maybe you're disciplining one of your kids and then they're over there constantly tugging on you, right? They're working on you to just lift the restrictions, alright? Number nine, I find myself defending my position to my child. Number 10, I get frustrated because my child seems beyond my control. Now I think the question's been raised in here before, well, that might be true for maybe the wife, but maybe that's not true for the husband. Do you see where that's a problem? Do you see where that's a problem in your home if you as the father command respect, but you allow disrespect to happen to the wife? I mean, that's a real problem within the home. Where are we at? Eleven? I get sidetracked by my child's clever distractions when I attempt to discipline him. Alright? I think there's a time when you allow them to talk, if you see fit to allow them to talk, but when you're disciplining, there ought to be mouths shut, ears open, eyes on the parent, listening. listening for the instructions, being reminded of here are the clear consequences of the behaviors, here's what's going to happen, and here's why, here's why it's sinful, here's what God's Word says, you know, all this is part of the training, right? But if you're sitting there allowing your child to distract you or come up and interrupt and continue, I mean, that's just complete disrespect. Number 12, my child tries to obligate me to behave a certain way by telling me what I should, ought to, or must do. I can't imagine that happening, but remember, when Priolo's writing some of these questions, keep in mind, he's got a mixed bag, right? He's dealing with public school kids, and they're all over the place. And when I say that, it is to their harm by allowing that to happen. But maybe it is going on. Maybe you've let that get away in your home. Number 13, when my child wants something from me, he tries to motivate me to give it to him without telling me directly what he wants. You know, I see that a lot with adults. I see adults who don't want to tell you what they want, and so they're going to, you know, motivate you, try to do things to you to get what they want, rather than just simply coming out and talking about it. And we'll look at the example here in a moment with Mary and Martha. Remember, what was the problem with Martha? I mean, she didn't just come and ask, hey, Mary, I need some help in here. What did she try to do? She went around Mary, went to Christ, and said, well, I'll get the Savior. I'll get the Lord to deal with this. Do you see how that's kind of manipulative? And so is that what's going on in your home with respect to your child? So I'm trying to give you some examples of how this might actually play out. Number 14, my child is able to procrastinate by cleverly using very stalled tactics when I assign him a responsibility. So if you train them to use stall tactics, you know, they're thirsty, they're going to sit down, you know, whatever it is, right? When there's work to be done, do they immediately get to it or do they start using the stall tactics? All right. Number, let's see, 15, my child is able to play on my emotions in order to get what he wants. Number 16, I hesitate to say no to my child out of fear of what he might do. That's a bad place to be. Number 17, I am unsuccessful at completing the intended instruction and discipline of my child due to his unwillingness to cooperate. Let me read that one again. I am unsuccessful at completing the intended instruction and discipline of my child due to his unwillingness to cooperate. All right, what about 18? My child is so tenacious in wanting his own way that I either give in to his desires or give up on trying to train him. Have you gotten to that place in your home where you just gave up, you throw your hands up, you're giving up? Number 19, my child continues to beg and plead to have his way after I've denied his appeal the first time. And as you kids hear these questions, ask yourself, well, how do I behave in these situations? Number 20, Uh, my child is more disobedient and disrespectful in front of others than he is when he knows that such behavior is not likely to embarrass me. Alright, so, now that you've scored it up, you know, add all your scores up. Go through there and totalize it real quick. Alright, you know, as you're counting that up, I mean, how did you do? And I don't need you to tell me, I just want you to think through it. Did you score high, but in some areas you got zeros? You know, if you scored high but you got some zeros in some places, you got work to do, right? So take a look at these areas, these questions. I think they're very telling. about where you are with respect to training your children, and I think it's very telling with respect to manipulation, disrespect. Where are they? Where are these things in your home? And it'd probably be good to sit down with your spouse and individually talk about each child. Where are they? What areas? Because it's not a one-size-fits-all for each child, right? Some children are more manipulative in some areas than in others. The lower your score, the greater I think your effort is going to have to be in learning how to apply the principles that we're going to talk about in this section. So we'll deal with some this week and some next week. Now, let's ask the question. Let's talk about, do you know how disrespect and manipulation are related to anger? So we've been talking about anger for many weeks. So do you know how disrespect and manipulation are related to anger? The same lusts that tempt you to become sinfully angry when you don't get your way are the same lusts that tempt you to employ sinful means to obtain what you want. Let me say that again. The same lusts that tempt you to become sinfully angry when you don't get your way are the very same lusts that tempt you to employ sinful means to obtain what you want. Turn over to James 1. James 1, we'll just pick up the reading, is in verse 12. Notice verse 14. when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then when desires has conceived, it gives birth to sin, and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. A lust becomes idolatrous, a lust becomes sinful, when you want something so much that you are willing to sin in order to get it. Or you're willing to sin because you can't have it. Unrighteous anger is the sin we commit when we can't have what we want. Manipulation and disrespect are two common sins that many will resort to in order to get what they desire. So when a child doesn't get his way or you rebuke him because he is in a sinful behavior, he does not receive it, he responds in anger. Manipulation and disrespect are right on the heels. So let's ask the question, what is manipulation? Well, to manipulate is an attempt to gain control. That's all manipulation is. It's an attempt to gain control. It's not something that children do. Adults do it all the time. You might see it in a marriage relationship where one of the spouses, through manipulation, tries to gain control. You might see it in a workplace where someone wants to gain control or authority over another, so they begin to do manipulative tactics to undermine someone else. You might see it in a church, right, where manipulation takes place to gain control. I mean, really, there's no where area in life where this can't take place. But what we want to do is make sure we're not training our children and we're not allowing this kind of thing to take place in their life. You see, manipulation is an unbiblical means of controlling or influencing another person. Let's think about that again. Manipulation is an unbiblical means of controlling or influencing another person. And so, like I said, this is not just for children. I think it's even worse in the adult sphere. Okay? And so, more specifically, manipulation is an attempt to gain control over another individual or situation by inciting an emotional rather than a biblical response from an individual. So manipulation is an attempt to gain control over another individual or situation by inciting an emotional rather than a biblical response from an individual. And the better we know someone, the better we're going to be at manipulating them. And you see that with your children. They know which parent to manipulate in what ways. They know which other kids to manipulate. And you gotta watch out. I mean, it's not usually the young child manipulating the older child. It's usually the other way around, right? So be careful that you're not allowing this to take place in your home. Turn over to Luke 10. You're familiar with this story, but in Luke 10, we'll pick up the reading in verse 38. Now, it happened that as he entered a certain village, a certain woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary who also sat at Jesus' feet and heard his word. But Martha was distracted with much serving, and she approached him and said, Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Therefore, tell her to help me. And Jesus answered and said to her, Martha, Martha, You're worried and troubled about many things, but one thing is needed. And Mary has chosen that good part, which will not be taken away from her. Notice here that Martha wants assistance for Mary. And you get the sense of frustration from Martha. I mean, you guys have been there. You're doing some work. And you know what? Everybody else is worshiping. Everybody else is doing something else, right? We get the sense of frustration. Do you then see how your mind starts playing tricks on you? Same thing with the child within the home. The older child is working hard, right? They're carrying the weight of the load, and their wheels start turning. Well, what's Mary Morgan doing? I mean, that's an absurd way to look at it, but you get the point, right? Now, none of my kids would ever do that, Chloe. But I've heard in some homes it does happen. But you get the idea. Don't let your mind start running away. Don't become self-absorbed and self-centered in focusing only on yourself. So she wants some assistance from Mary. There's the sense of frustration there. But instead of just simply asking for help, right, what does she do? She tries to play on the emotions of the Lord. Well, if she can't just see that I'm over here working, I ain't even going to go ask her. You see how we do? Just ask for help. emotions such as guilt or sympathy. What was her question? Do you not care? Martha's not concerned about what should be done at this point. She only wants her desires to be met at that moment. She's trying to manipulate and get someone to do what she wants without clearly stating what she wants. And so what is happening here is that it's a dishonest means that she's adopted here because she is concealing necessary information from the person to whom she is making the request. And like I said, we see this all the time in the church, not just with children, especially with adults who have a desire, but instead of clearly expressing what they want, they'll start using manipulative techniques to get their way. Now, let's talk about manipulative techniques. Let's set the children aside for a second. Let's just talk about adults. What are the types of manipulative techniques do people use to get their way? They won't come tell you what they want. And it's bad in the South. Actually, it's horrible in the South. I don't necessarily like the rudeness of some people in certain parts of this country, but I do like the straightforwardness. I like when people will speak directly and clearly to you, but what do we do? I'm asking a question, it's not rhetorical. What do we do? We won't tell somebody what we want, so what do we try to do to manipulate? Alright, you're having a hard time answering it. Husband and wife, last time you fought, you argued over something. wife you didn't get your way or husband you didn't get your way. You didn't clearly explain what you want, what did you do? Did anybody sulk? Did anybody pout? Alright, let's go past the marriage relationship, let's go to maybe the church or family, outside family or workplace, right? Just anywhere where adults might disagree. Did you start to gossip about them? Did you begin to connive in your mind about, all right, I've got to figure out how to manipulate this situation. I've got to expose this thing. Do you see the unbiblical methods that are being adopted here to gain control over a person or a situation? That is manipulation. Maybe you pull away. Maybe you refuse to talk. Did I miss any? I mean, that's not an exhaustive list, but what are some things we tend to do? Maybe we get short with people. Somebody says hello to you. You don't even look at them. You just walk by and say, hey. I mean, yeah, hey. Something's on your, right? Just simple, you know, what I call home training. It's thrown out the window. Something didn't go your way, and so you now use it as a means to start manipulating. Alright, if you start to see this in your children, you first got to start looking at yourself, because where do they pick up these patterns? If you see this in your children as a way of living, as a way of pattern, alright? But when we come to issues of manipulation, right, you have all these techniques, sulking, pouting, gossip, manipulating situations, pull away. You've got all these techniques that you try to utilize to manipulate a situation, but what you don't do is just come and confront and express what your desire is. Just by the way, as an aside, what should you be teaching your children about a biblical way to handle things? If you've been offended, what does the Bible say to you? You go. If you have offended somebody, what does the Bible say? You go! Alright, so now then, we're always about the business of going when there's strife, when there's contention, when there's disagreement, misunderstandings. Nowhere do you see, well, if someone offends you, sulk, pout, connive, gossip, those are all unbiblical methods. You go. You should be in the pattern of going. And the pattern of going is to be about the business of reconciliation. Are you teaching your children that? Alright? Many times the desires within a child that are sinful, selfish, self-promoting. And when we refuse to just simply go to someone and ask them, right? Oh, here's one. When children come to someone else's child to try to get some adult to do something. How about that one? What should the proper means be? It really kind of depends on what they want, but it's certainly acceptable for them to go to the adult. Or it may be that, you know, if Chloe wants something, go to your father, talk to him, and he can come talk to the other adult, right? I mean, there's a lot of different ways to do this. Right, so we see how the game is played and what happens is a lot of times we have a desire and because our desire may be sinful or may be selfish or self-promoting, we don't come right out and say it. So we start manipulating. We start trying to work around things to get our way, right? And so this is what children will do. And we have to, once again, I got to keep reminding you, where are they picking this up? If you see this happening with your child, before you start getting down to them, I mean, and you need to deal with it, I'm not saying don't get on to them, but before you do it, you may need to pause for just a second. Am I teaching them this? Are they watching me? Am I a master manipulator myself? And they're just patterning and mimicking me. All right. Now, if you've got your notes, the first chart that I've given you there. Once again, I got this one out of Priello's book, another one of Priello's book, The Heart of Anger. And I hope it's helpful for you to start identifying and you can maybe start looking. And it's not meant to be exhaustive, but see if you find it helpful. Maybe you just hang it on your refrigerator and when you see it, you pull it out and you say, okay, well, what's going on here? And keep in mind, As you go through this, you may have trained your child to do these things in this chart, and because it's so ingrained with them, they're not even aware that they're doing it any longer. So, the chart is designed to simplify and illustrate the ways and means of childhood manipulation. The first column is more of the manipulative behavior. This would list some of the more common ways children try to manipulate their parents. And once again, you need to keep reminding yourself your child may or may not be consciously aware that they're doing this, that they're trying to be manipulative, right? So there would be things like accusations. So when you have a child that likes to accuse another child in the home or accuses you for their mistakes, right, that's a manipulation technique and you need to be aware of it. So look at the first, you know, crying. And when we talk about crying, I'm not talking about a child that runs and skins his knee. And he cries. I'm talking about you tell your child, stop doing something, and then they immediately start crying. All right? Because they don't get their way. You need to recognize that as manipulation. All right, now, if tears come with brokenness and contriteness, that's something different. But if they're sitting there, and you know the difference, right? They're sitting there crying because they don't get their way. It's manipulation. If they start asking the why questions, why? Why can't I do that? They're trying to manipulate you and start working you. Sulking, pouting, whining. The child starts trying to withhold affections because you disciplined them. What do you think's going on there? They give you the cold shoulder. Now, once again, we're talking about this in the context of children, but do you think any adults do this? I mean, I think it's patterns of behavior that we start when we're young and nobody has brought to our attention that we need to stop behaving like children. Second column. The second column is the desired emotional response, which pinpoints what your child may be wanting his manipulative behavior to produce in you. And again, remember, your child may have practiced this so long, they're just not aware of it. And your job is to help him see what they're doing is selfish and sinful. Now, the desired emotional response, you know, take these as a starting point, but, you know, it's not a one-size-fits-all. So when someone starts accusing you, he has, what are they trying to produce in you? Guilt. But while we're here talking about it, when your child starts accusing you of certain things, what do you think the desired emotional response is? Does guilt seem sufficient, or do you think there's anything else they might be trying to get at you? See, what they're doing is they're trying to get you off of them, and they're really just trying to get out of their responsibility, and then they're just trying to push everything back on you. What about criticism? When they criticize you, or what do you think they do when they start trying to cry? You know, when they start sulking or pouting or giving you the cold shoulder, what is it they're trying to get out of you at that moment? Alright? Think about the third column. What is your reaction? And this column, really, you might want to write in there, this is the foolish parent reaction. Okay? So, this identifies the foolish response of a parent who reacts to the manipulation, or this might be the response of a parent who has just been successfully manipulated by the child. Turn to Romans 12 21. I want you to remember this as as they are doing evil, right? Do not overcome by evil but overcome evil with good That ought to be your attitude when you recognize your child is trying to use these manipulation techniques You don't respond in sin, but you overcome evil with good so What happens when the child accuses you? What's the foolish response? You start defending yourself. Or if the child starts crying or asks the why questions, what's the foolish response to the why question? You start answering it. If they have some kind of obligatory statements uh... any of these uh... you know if you start yelling back that's not the appropriate response Okay? But that's what that third column is there for. The fourth column, the desire, control, and effect. This is the desire, control, and effect that your child intends his manipulation to have on you. And so your child is most likely to be aware of this one regardless of how conscious he may be of others. So what is he trying to get out of you when he accuses you or criticizes you or cries, right? When he cries, he's just trying to change your mind. You're being manipulated at that point. He's trying to manipulate you when he starts to crying. approach. If he's accusing you of something, what do you think he's trying to do? He's procrastinating. He's stalling. Criticisms. When they criticize you, they're trying to avoid their obligation. When they start asking the why questions, what do you think the controlling effect is trying to do then? They're trying to get you to lower your standards. So, you know, when they give you the cold shoulder, when they sulk, think about what is it they're trying to do there, alright? The fifth column, the sinful motives, just suggests a few of the many different motives that they might have for manipulation. In other words, it specifies those potential desires which are so intense that your child is willing to resort to manipulation, which is sin, in order to obtain what He wants. And so these motives are suggested so that you, as a parent, might only better understand the source of your child's manipulation, but also start helping him to identify and correct the problem by bringing a biblical response to the situation. In other words, when they start accusing you, or they start criticizing, or they start crying, they start asking the why questions. I mean, what would be some of the sinful motives that would drive them? Now, if this is going on, and you've allowed this to take place in your home, and you've allowed them to train themselves to do this, You're going to have to start untraining them. You're going to have to start understanding what is at the root of that selfish motivation that would lead them to try to manipulate you so that you might bring a word in its proper context or a word in its proper season. Does that make sense? So you're trying to get to the underlying root cause of the sinful motives that are allowing them to Not obey God or honor God by responding to you in a biblical way, but now their desire is so strong that they're willing to go sin against God and start trying to manipulate you. So the question is, what motivations could be underlying this manipulation? So stop and pause for a moment and think through a typical day in your home. Do you see manipulation taking place as you go through each one? Do you see sulking, pouting, cold shoulder, crying, accusations, criticism? When you see those things within your home, you're going to have to start immediately identifying, this is sinful. And so you want to start applying biblical techniques to respond to it, okay? Now, go back to Luke chapter 10. And notice how Christ responds to Martha. And Jesus answered and said to her, Martha, Martha, you're worried and troubled about many things, but one thing is needed, and Mary has chosen the good part, which will not be taken away from her. Now, when looking at our example here, the Lord Jesus... Notice when you study out Christ, when others are trying to manipulate Him, He never answered a fool with a foolish response. He never fought folly with folly. When communicating with fools, he never employed communication forms that violated the Scriptures. Now notice, he did respond to the foolish, but he did not respond in kind. In other words, he did not allow the fool with whom he was talking to drag him down to the fool's level by engaging in sinful communication or playing games as his opponents were trying to do. What he would do when responding to a fool is show them their foolishness. Those who approach Christ with the intent to try to manipulate him in any kind of way, oftentimes when the scribes and the Pharisees would come to him, they would try to make Christ look foolish. How do they typically walk away? Humiliated. They walk away quiet, silenced. And I think Christ left them understanding how foolish they really look. Now, what was Christ doing? I think Christ was really good at applying the Proverbs. So, turn over to Proverbs 26. Proverbs 26. You may have heard this one before. Look at verse 4. Do not answer a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him. Answer a fool, verse 5, according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes. Now, the Bible cautions us when responding to a fool not to answer him in the same foolish kind of way. Why? Well, the text tells you otherwise you're going to be just as foolish as he is. And notice Christ never stoops down to their level. You may not as a person create an image of God. I think the point here of this proverb is that because you're created in the image of God, you are never to resort to disrespect, sarcasm, manipulation, abusive talk, or sinful communication of any form. It's never allowed. And I would say if we are prone to speak like this, then we need to repent. We need to go before the Lord and say, you know what? I have been prone to be disrespectful, sarcastic, manipulative, abusive in my talk or sinful in my communication. And that sin is like any other sin. It needs to be repented of, confessed, don't make excuses for it. Yeah, but you don't know what it's like. Of course I know what it's like. I work around sinners all the time. I live in a home. My family lives in a home with sinners. We go to church together with sinners. We know what it's like. And we don't have an excuse card that says, well, you're supposed to be like this unless... Well, there's no exception or exemption clause here. When we resort to disrespect, sarcasm, manipulation, abusive talk, sinful communication, we're just stooping to the fool's level. And so to engage into verbal combat would be to allow the other person to manipulate you to sin. You understand that when you get to the point of disrespect, sarcasm, just abusive talk, sinful communication, you've been manipulated to sin. if you allow someone else to drag you into this. Now, it's interesting in verse 5, answer a fool. So he says, number 1, don't answer a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him. And then in verse 5 he says, answer a fool according to his folly. That doesn't make any sense, does it? It seems like it's just double talk, but it's not. The Proverbs is trying to get you to understand something. The Proverbs is cautioning against something else when we respond to a fool. In other words, what the Proverbs is trying to get you to see is don't let that person walk away believing he's wise. Did you see what he said there in verse 5? Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes. What you must do is answer him in such a way that he realizes what he has done is foolish. And this is best done by employing biblical anti-manipulation techniques. I don't know of a better way to say it. I know it's a mouthful. Now, when it comes to your child, your child has to understand that he has been reproved for his folly. He must understand that as a parent, As a parent, he must see you in control of yourself and that you are in control of the disciplinary process. To do any other way is to fall victim to verse 4. Okay? And the point of this is to train the child not only to correct the mistake, but respond biblically in his thinking and communication. And keep in mind, if your child is habitually doing these things, it's because we've trained them to do so and allowed them to get away with it. So you must invest the time to untrain them in this area and train them to biblical conversations. And so if you take out your handout on the back page, there is a kind of a chart that might help you contrast Proverbs 26.4 with Proverbs 26.5. So if you're answering a foolish child, so your child is trying to manipulate you, you know, think about how Martha approached Christ. Christ didn't stoop to her level, did He? And we'll talk about what He's doing there in just a moment. But I want you to see how Proverbs 26, you need to make this part of how you deal with responding to foolish people. And the foolish people may be your child or someone you're working with, If you apply or if you go against verse 4, number 1, you're drawn into a conflict by your child. You're not there to be in a conflict with your child. You're not there to argue. But if you apply verse 5, then what you're showing and demonstrating is that you are in control of the conversation with your child. There's a big difference. If you're being manipulated, You're over there on the left column. If you're in control of the conversation, you're over here in the right column. Number two, you violate verse four when your child is allowed to successfully employ sinful and manipulative behaviors. If you're allowing this to happen within your home, you're in the left column. But on verse 5, what you see is if this happens and you want to apply this Proverbs correctly, then your child is confronted biblically when sinful and he's being manipulative. All right? Number 3, how would you fall victim of verse 4? Well, number 3, if you react with a snappy comeback motivated by your emotions rather than love for your child, well, then you're playing the fool. However, if you want to apply verse 5, if you respond out of love with a well-thought-out biblical answer that aims at driving foolishness away from the heart of your child, well, then you've invoked verse 5. You're in control of the situation. You see the difference? Number 4. If you want to violate verse 4, then what you do is you resort to defending yourself, justifying your actions, blame-shifting, answering why questions are argumentative. So if your child starts these different manipulative techniques that we saw in the earlier chart, and you start doing any of this in number 4, what you're doing is you're answering the fool according to his folly. and you're being just like him. However, what you should do is invoke verse 5, and so what you do is you begin to identify and effectively put an end to your child's manipulative behavior. You recognize it for what it is, and you discipline it. All right, and when we talk about discipline, I want you to understand how I'm using the word. It may invoke the rod, and then you start training them out of this kind of manipulative behavior. Now, go back, and don't forget, what is the training process? Well, it's the same process we talked about when we said, you know, you're going to work out your muscles. It's, you know, how do you get to a 5K run? Well, you start doing one, and you train yourself, and it's monotonous, right? Then you go to the second, you go to the third, the fourth, and you build up to it. You train yourself, you discipline yourself to get to the 5K, right? Well, it's the very same thing here. How do you train your child out of these simple forms of communication? You discipline it and then you begin to train them in how to respond to you. And remember what we went through, the examples we went through. You don't let them leave your presence until they have communicated in a way to you that you find acceptable. And over time, they will be trained to understand what it means to speak to you in a biblical way. Number five. You allow your child to terminate the conversation by having the last word before biblical correction has taken place. That's answering a fool, you know, right, according to his folly. What you should do is you don't allow the conversation to end until biblical discipline and our correction has taken place so that your child acknowledges and he repents for his sin. Number six. If you answer a fool according to his folly, then Number six, you walk away feeling guilty, intimidated, frustrated, exasperated, you feel like a failure, you're out of control, your home is out of control, right? What you want to do is you want to walk away confident that by God's grace you're in control of the situation and you are successfully training the child. Number seven, your child walks away with satisfaction of knowing that he has punished or manipulated you. Does that happen? Do you allow that? Because what you need to be doing is making sure your child walks away knowing that you have successfully thwarted all of his attempts to disrespect and manipulate you. And the younger the child, I mean, there's not a time, I mean, there's really no time that you shouldn't start this. Okay? And the point here is that you are not to respond unbiblically or to demonstrate unbiblical behavior. That's the point of Proverbs 26. And so, you know, the Bible records many, many examples of individuals who attempted to manipulate Christ. And you know what you don't ever read in the Scriptures? That any one of them were ever successful. So since no one was ever successful at manipulating Christ, I think his example is who we ought to go look at. We ought to look and see how he responds. I mean, you do agree that each time the Pharisees and scribes came up to him, maybe with the exception of Nicodemus, and there may be a couple of other guys that came to him time to time, but for the most part, when the scribes and Pharisees came up to him, they were trying to manipulate him, weren't they? And so, spend some time in the Gospels. We'll look at some examples here in a minute. But, you know, you've got your own Bibles. You've got the Gospels. Read them. See how he responds. Start incorporating his patterns of dealing with fools. Alright? So, what are some anti-manipulation devices? Well, when you study out the life of Christ, you see two things that he did when he dealt with people who tried to manipulate him. Number one, he had always appealed to their personal responsibility. Number one, he always appealed to the personal responsibility. And number two, he always appealed to God's Word or God's will as the standard for judgment of the manipulator. So let's go back to the Luke 10 example. Think through the example between Mary and Martha. How did Christ deal with Martha? How did Christ deal with Martha's attempt to pressure him into giving her what she wanted? Well, first, he made an appeal to her personal responsibility, didn't he? He said, Martha, Martha, you are worried and you are bothered about so many things. But what was her responsibility? He says, there's only a few things that are necessary. And then he says, really only but one. Jesus said elsewhere that his disciples ought not to worry or ever be troubled. And so Martha was not fulfilling at least two of the biblical responsibilities, and Jesus is reproving her. She is worried, and she was troubled. I mean, go back to Luke 10, just so you can see it. Why are you turning over to Luke 10? Anybody wanna hazard a guess at where that might take place within our church, where that might become problematic within our church? Just curious, do y'all see it, husbands? Is there a time where maybe something, is there a particular time that within our church, some particular event that maybe our wives get concerned about a certain event that takes precedent over just about everything else? Or could, it has a potential, I'm not saying that it does for every wife, so don't get me wrong. It's called the meal. Hospitality could be one. Maybe our wives get uptight about hospitality in the home, but I was thinking about just Sunday morning, the meal time. Y'all laughing at me about my meatballs, but why does y'all ever get a hold of the simplicity of meatballs and spaghetti sauce? I never bring a Crock-Pot back home with anything in it. So you may get tired of meatballs, but I'm gonna tell you, when I'm at home and Marie's not there, there is like zero stress value when I wake up on Sunday morning, put my frozen meatballs in the crock pot, pour my spaghetti sauce in it, and then when I come back home, all I gotta do is wash out an empty crock pot. Now, I love y'all's food, and I'm not trying to dissuade you from preparing something nice, but if it causes stress and angst, Think about what he's saying here to her. Martha, Martha, you are worried and troubled about many things. And he's already commanded us in Matthew 6.25, don't worry. He's already said in John 14, don't be troubled. That should not characterize the Christian. And you know what? Husbands, we need to learn how to help them see this. Don't put undue stress on yourself. If you see this, and I'm just using the crockpots in the Sunday lunch as an example where that could become a problem. We don't need to be dismissive as husbands about this. We need to look at this example here and say, don't be troubled, don't be worried, right? There's only one thing that is needed, verse 42, and Mary has chosen that good part which will not be taken away from her. All right. Second, he made a subtle but definite appeal to God's will. He said, only a few things are necessary, and really only one. For Mary has chosen the good part which shall not be taken away from her. And remember, think about Satan. Didn't Satan try to manipulate Christ there in the wilderness? During his own temptation when Christ was there for 40 days in the wilderness, he said, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God. And notice it was Mary who was feasting on the word of God. She was there at the feet of Christ, which was the better thing, the more needful thing. We are prone to focus on the temporal and the physical and neglect the eternal and the spiritual. And it's not just the wives. I think we as men are equally or probably more guilty of that. We need to take heed. There's only one thing needed. Mary has chosen the good part, which will not be taken away from her. So notice what Christ is doing here. Christ is pointing Martha to her responsibility, and then He points out the will of God. What is God's will at any given moment? Okay? So, this is how we are to instruct our children when we find them trying to manipulate us. Point them back to their responsibility, and at any given situation, know, and this is where you're going to struggle if you don't know God's Word. Know what God's will is for a given situation so that you might help your child. Heads of household, it would help you with your spouse as well. I mean, this will help you in so many areas. It will help you in disciplining your own life. Okay? Go to Luke 2. Let's look at another example. Luke 2. So when they saw him, they were amazed. And his mother said to him, Son, why have you done this to us? Look, your father and I have sought you anxiously. Now, remember the context here. Jesus is there. They've started leaving, and he's back at the temple, right? Or he's back with these religious leaders. But notice the use of questions, the use of why. The why question that was used to imply guilt. Notice the sympathetic appeal. You've hurt us by making us anxious, Jesus. See what was going on there, how they were using this? Perhaps you've never considered Mary's response to Jesus' behavior as being manipulative, but it is. Now whether she did this consciously or unconsciously, to the extent that she tried to make Christ feel guilty, And responsible for her anxiety, technically, she was using a manipulative technique. And I want you to see how Christ responds to his mother. And he said to them, why did you seek me? Did you not know that I must be about my father's business? So what does Christ, what does he first do? He makes an appeal to their responsibility. You didn't know? You didn't know what I was here to be? Mary, you're the one that was confronted with the angel before I was ever born. You didn't know why I was here? You see how he responded to her? Mary and Joseph of all people should have known that it was their responsibility to know that he was the Christ and that God had given him responsibilities that had to be fulfilled. Second, Jesus made an appeal to God's will. Did you not know I had to be..." And remember, Mary and Joseph should have known that Jesus had to be seen to the affairs of His Heavenly Father. And remember, Christ understood something. He knew all the Old Testament prophecies written about Him and the prophecy of Gabriel in Luke 1, 28-38. He understood the prophecy that was given to Zacharias in Luke 1, 68-79. He knew the prophecy given to Simeon in Luke 2, 21-35. He knew that Anne of the Prophecies, what she was given by God, Luke 2, 36-38, he knew all these things that were said about him. And notice how Christ responds to him. Why did you seek me? Did you not know that I must be about my Father's business? You didn't know this? Alright, so understand what is Christ doing. He's pointing out to their responsibility. He's not going to be manipulated, right? And he pointed out the Father's will for the given moment. All right, let's try another one. Go to Luke 6. Luke 6, look at verse 1. Now, it happened on the second Sabbath after the first that he went through the grain fields, and his disciples plucked the heads of the grain and ate them, rubbing them in their hands. Now, first, let's notice the occasion. In this particular text, he's going to be accused of doing what? working on the Sabbath, right? And on this occasion, the disciples were following Christ through some grain fields, and as they're walking through, some of the disciples begin to, you know, strip off some of the grain heads into their hands. And it's at that point, in order to remove the outer bran from the shell, from the inner heart of the grain, they had to rub the kernels between their hands. I mean, you can visualize them doing this, right? Just hard enough to scatter the light bran and blow it into the air from the heavier kernel. So whose attention did this catch? Well, it caught the eyes of the Pharisees, who held to their traditions more tenaciously than they ever did to the Word of God. And so, based on their traditions, they saw this as a harvesting work on the Lord's Day. And so, consequently, they accused them of doing something unlawful on the Sabbath. Look at verse 2. And some of the Pharisees said to them, why are you doing what is not lawful to do on the Sabbath? Now notice the why question again. So they're asking why to the Lord of glory and immediately they start the manipulation. Try to manipulate in Christ. And so you got to understand this setting so that you understand how Christ is going to respond to them. And asking the question, Jesus' accusers were likely trying to discredit or either embarrass Christ. And so here we see the Pharisees being manipulative, and Christ wisely detecting their motives, and he begins to respond. Now look at verse 3. What David did when he was hungry, he and those who were with him, how he went into the house of God, took and ate the showbread, and also gave to those with him, which is not lawful for but any of the priests to eat." So how does Christ respond to the Pharisees? He doesn't answer a fool according to his folly, but he answers a fool according to his folly so that they might see how foolish they are, right? He says, have you not read? And so this is an appeal to personal responsibility. In other words, you guys don't know this? This is their responsibility. They're the Pharisees. They should have known. So Jesus refers to the story in 1 Samuel 21. You can go back and look at it. But what Christ is doing is he's comparing himself and his disciples to David and David's men. In other words, Jesus is saying that if what was lawful for David and his men to do, to break the law by eating the showbread, it is certainly lawful for him and his disciples to violate the man-made traditions that the Pharisees had come up with. And the issue here is that there is one greater than David standing before them. Now look what he says in verse 5. And he said to them, The Son of Man is the Lord of the Sabbath. Christ is saying, I am the Lord of this day. I'm not going to be manipulated by you guys and you come bring your man-made traditions, start asking me the why questions. You're not going to manipulate me. I'm not going to answer a fool according to his folly. But I'm going to show you your responsibility. Have you not read? Did you not know? And then he's going to appeal to the will of the Father. Well, let me stop here. I'm going to look next week at a few more examples, but I think you get the point. Go and look at how Christ responds to the scribes and the Pharisees. Go through the Gospels and start looking at how, when they try to manipulate Him, when they try to dishonor Him, how does He respond to them? He doesn't give him the cold shoulder. He doesn't pout. He doesn't use abusive speech. He doesn't lash out. But what he does is he shows them their responsibility always, and at any given moment, he exposes what is the will of the Father at this given moment. We need to learn those skills. We need to know the Word of God in such a way. Remember, what was it that Satan was trying to do to manipulate Christ? Bow down to me, I'll give you the world. What did Christ choose to do? He took the pathway of obedience. What did he get? The world. The world is his inheritance. So understand, we need to start teaching our children the pathway of obedience, not the pathway of manipulation. not the pathway of dishonoring when they don't get their way. They need to learn to govern their desires and start aligning their wills, their passions, their desires, their lusts, right? They need to be brought into subjection of the Lord Jesus Christ. They need to be having thoughts after God. And what that means is in any given situation, our children need to think how God would think in any given moment. And there's no better example than the Lord Jesus Christ. So I would say spend some time in the gospel over the next few weeks as we go through these teachings, teaching your children, looking for how Christ responds in very tense situations, right? He always conducted Himself holy, righteous, pure, always in the will of the Father. May God grant us that in this church.