Good morning. Open in your Bibles with me to Colossians chapter 3. It's been a long time since we opened Colossians together. According to my notes, it was January last time I preached from Colossians. So, it's been a while. Let us open the Word of God to Colossians 3, verse 18, and let us pray. We thank you for your word. We ask that you would speak to us this morning, that you give us humble hearts to receive your word and to obey it with willing hearts, because we know that this is your word, and we know you are good, and you are wise, and that you are faithful. We ask that you would give us joyful hearts in obeying your word. We ask that you would speak to us through this word today. Now may the meditations of our hearts and the words of my mouth be pleasing in your sight. For your glory we pray. Amen. Well, as we get to Colossians 3.18, the theme turns to the household. And this is what we could call a household code. It first addresses wives and husbands, and then children and parents, and then slaves and masters. Keep in mind this is written in the ancient world. And we will address each of these in turn. So today we'll be focused on marriage. The next one will be focused on children and parents. And then the last one will be focused on the question of slavery, and what is this doing in the Bible? And what do we do with it? And that will be another message on its own. But today, I want us to focus on marriage. And before we get into it, let's reestablish some context. It's been a while since we've been in Colossians. If you'll remember, the theme of Colossians that has been emphasized over and over and over again is the supremacy of Jesus Christ. That Jesus Christ takes first place in all things. That he is first in creation and he is first in salvation. That Jesus Christ is supreme. And so, as We work through the book of Colossians up to this point. We have seen how Jesus rules from heaven, how Jesus is King of kings and Lord of lords, how he has conquered sin and death, and how if we try to live in our own ways, if we try to come up with our own standards and our own traditions, and we try to do all our own things apart from the headship of Jesus Christ, that it will never help us overcome sin. It will never help us to glorify God. but that it's through the finished work of Christ and through His ministry that we are able to please God. And in chapter 3, We specifically have seen how we are to put on the new self. How we are to live as those who have been raised with Christ. How we are to live as those who have been given a new nature. That we have died with Christ on the cross. That he has put sin to death on the cross. And so that we are no longer enslaved to sin. That as believers we don't have to live according to the old ways, according to the ways of the world, according to the ways of our own desires. But rather, we are to put on Christ. We're to put off every type of wickedness, whether it's sexual sin or sins of relationships. The way we use our words, we're to be truth-tellers, we're to be pure, we're to be righteous, we're to put on Christ. And look at verse 16 and 17 of chapter 3. Whatever we do, Whatever we do in our lives as Christians is to be done to the glory of God. It's to be done in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. And what I want us to consider this morning is that this includes marriage. This includes our relationship, the relationship between husband and wife. That whatever we do in our marriage, in word or deed, we are to do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. Now, as we get to marriage, there's something in this sermon to offend everyone in this room today. Not because I set out to offend you this morning. My notes offend me this morning, because everything in our culture, everything that we have been taught to believe, goes against what God's Word teaches here. And so we have a tendency, we have a way of thinking that kind of recoils at some of the things that God's Word says in this section. And whenever we are offended, when we encounter something in Scripture that offends us, our question should not be, what is wrong with God's Word? But rather, what is wrong with my Myself what's wrong with my perspective? What is wrong with my understanding of God's Word? When we come to Scripture, I hope that you get offended, because if you don't, then I don't think you're really listening to what the Word of God says. When we read the Word of God, we have hearts that have been corrupted by sin, because we're sinners. And so when we encounter the truth of the living God, our tendency, our rebellion, is to not want to believe and submit to the Word of God. And so whenever we encounter something in God's Word that we recoil at, it is that very point that we should spend the most time. It is that very point that we need to wrestle with, and work through, and try to understand, and get to the bottom of, and get to the bottom of our hearts, and get to the bottom of our understanding. When we are offended by God's Word, let us not shut off our ears and our hearts to the offense, but rather to listen closer and to examine our hearts. So if you're offended this morning, please don't be offended at me. I'm not trying to offend you. If you're offended, I hope it is because it's the Word of God, and that's something I have added this morning. But something that is in God's Word that you're uncomfortable with. And I'm okay if you're offended by that. And we can talk about it. You can come talk to me if you are. But as we look at God's Word this morning, let us come as those who have entrusted ourselves to the living God. If you are a believer in Jesus, if you believe in Christ, let me ask you this morning, do you believe that this is the Word of the living God? Is this the Word of the living God? Yes, it is. Amen. And if it's the Word of the living God, then submit yourself to God's Word and be willing to do whatever it commands you to do. I am appealing this morning to your commitment to the authority of Scripture, to your commitment to the sufficiency of Scripture. to the wisdom of scripture. Why is scripture authoritative? Why do we believe it's true? Why do we believe it's wise? Because the God who spoke these words has all authority, because he always tells the truth, and because he is all wise. So as we consider marriage, let us submit to what God says and not what we want God to say. Not what our culture has taught us to believe about marriage or the roles of men and women, but rather to submit to God's word and to do our best to rightly divide the word of truth so that we might honor God in all things. Remember, whatever we do, in our marriage, in our lives, whatever it is, whatever we do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him. So let us read, stand with me as we read verses 18 and 19. Very short passage. Colossians 3, 18 and 19. Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. This is God's Word. You may be seated. Before we unpack this, this is a very practical message today. Those two verses, very practical. There is not much flair to them. They are just to the point, right? Before we get to unpacking the details of this, let us consider a theology of marriage. First of all, in other passages in the New Testament, when it begins to talk about marriage or the roles of men and women in the church or in the world, the apostles always appeal to the order of creation. They appeal back to Genesis, to God's original design. As we read in the scripture reading this morning, we won't read it again, but in Genesis 2, we see that God formed the man and he placed him in the garden to work it and keep it, right? And then God says, for the first time in Genesis, everything was good up to this point, and he says, it is not good that man should be alone. And so God then brings all the animals to Adam for him to name, and not one of the animals is found as a suitable helper for Adam. He's been given a task. He's been given the task to keep, to guard and to keep the garden, to work it, to do this work that God has given him to do, and he is not sufficient in himself to do it. And all the animals have a corresponding partner, but not the man. And so God says it is not good for man to be alone, and he has him name all the animals. I believe he did that so that Adam would understand that what God gives him is the perfect match for him, is exactly who he needs. He sees all the animals and there's not one found that is fit. And so what does God do? He takes the rib of the man out of his side, and he forms a woman, and he brings the woman to the man. And Adam, for the first time in Scripture, there's a song. He breaks in the song. Finally, this is the one. Imagine, he's named all these different animals. He couldn't find one, and now God presents him with the woman, and he says, Whoa, praise the Lord. Finally, there's one that's fits for me. And so he names her woman because she came from man. And so we see that God made woman to be the helper for a man so that together they might do the work that God had given to mankind to cultivate the earth. Now in Genesis 1, we learn that God has made mankind in his image. That he has made man in his image, both male and female in the image of God. So, right from the beginning, we have an understanding that both man and woman are equal in God's sight. We are both made in the image of God. Both have been given that dignity and that honor to be made in the image of God and have partnered together in the purpose of filling the earth and subduing it, which is the command given to us in Genesis. And then in Genesis 2, we get a little more details about that. And we learn that there's specific roles for the man and for the woman in accomplishing this task. So there is an equality before God, man and woman, both made in the image of God. And yet there is a distinction between man and woman. We are not the same. And if we were the same, it doesn't make any sense. He was looking for a helper that was fit for Adam. Adam, there was a need for a helper. He was in need. He could not do what God called him to do by himself. And so God makes woman as the perfect helper for the man. And so from the beginning, according to God's design, there is the role of a husband and a wife. And the husband, from the beginning, before the fall, is the leader of his home. He is to leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two become one flesh. They create a new household. And we can tell that Adam has this responsibility as a leader because in Genesis 3, when they sin, when Eve is deceived and Adam eats the fruit with her, and God comes into the garden, who does he go to first? He goes looking for the man. What have you done? Where have you been? Why were you hiding? He comes and he confronts the man. See, man had been given a responsibility from the beginning, Adam, as the representative of the human race. And from there, also, as the head of his wife, to care for her, to provide for her, and to protect her. And she was given to him as a helper, fit for him, both equal, both having a purpose and fulfilling an essential need in God's design in his creation, but distinct roles. Our culture wants to say there is no distinction, that do it as you please. There is no distinction in roles for men and women, but God's Word says otherwise, and it says, the Word of God teaches us that there is a design from the beginning in the order of creation that establishes the role of a husband and the role of a wife. Furthermore, as we already read in Ephesians chapter 5, We learn that marriage is more important than itself. Marriage is not an end in itself. Marriage is not just meant to make you happy or please you. And by the way, if that's what you thought marriage was going to do for you, I'm sure you've been sorely displeased. It does not always make you happy, does it? God has a bigger purpose for marriage. We learn in Ephesians 5 verse 31, He's quoting Genesis 2. And then the apostle Paul says, this mystery is profound. And I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. So marriage is a picture of something bigger than itself. Marriage was designed by God to be a type to picture the gospel, to picture the relationship between Jesus and his church, his bride. Marriage is bigger than you. Marriage is bigger than the difficulties that you have with your spouse. Marriage has a bigger purpose, and it's to show forth the glory of God in the gospel of Jesus Christ, in the relationship between Jesus and his church. That means that every single marriage, whether they're unbelievers or believers, from the beginning has been designed as a picture of this gospel. Every marriage is a picture of the gospel. Now, you can either be a faithful representation of that picture, or you can be a blasphemous representation of that picture. But no matter how, which way you divide it, God has ordained and designed from the beginning that your marriage is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church. And so as we consider our role in marriage, let us not lose sight of this bigger picture. That the role that we've been given, the way we are to conduct ourselves in our marriage as husbands and wives, is meant to set forth a picture of something bigger than us. It is meant to set forth the picture of Christ, who is the head of the church, and the wife, which represents the bride of Christ, which submits to Jesus. It's meant to be a picture of that. So, if we don't submit to God's instruction, to His design of marriage, then what we are really doing is misrepresenting the gospel. So I want you to understand that and have that commitment in your heart from the beginning that this is God's Word, it's authoritative, and that God has done— here's a few things for our theology of marriage— is that he has designed marriage from the beginning and has an order, and he is the one who has created it, and so he gets to tell us how it works, and how it works right and best, and that he has designed marriage from the beginning to be a picture of the gospel, and so The way you conduct yourself in your marriage is a matter of Christian faith. It is a matter of the gospel, how you conduct yourself in your marriage according to God's design, because it's a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church. And then the last thing in our consideration of the theology of marriage is when we consider in Colossians here Notice how he says in verse 18, Notice how the Lord is mentioned in here in these instructions. And remember, the emphasis of Colossians is what? The lordship Jesus Christ and the Lordship of Jesus Christ does not get laid to the side when you consider your marriage Jesus is Lord over all things and so let me ask you a question Saints if you're married is Jesus Lord over your marriage is He the Lord of your marriage does he take first place is he the one who is to be Command your obedience so that whatever you do in word or deed in your marriage, you would do in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Marriage is under the lordship of Jesus Christ. I mentioned at the beginning that this passage here, verses 18 through 41, is what we would call a household code. So in the ancient world, there were these things known as household codes. One of the first ones we know of in the Greco-Roman world, and especially the Greek time, is from Aristotle, this household code. And it was instructions for a household. And this is how you are to conduct yourself in your home, how you are to fulfill your roles and responsibilities. But notice here that everything is ordered in such a way as to be aligned to the Lord. In those household codes, there's no mention of the gods or the Lord or any of those things. In fact, there's no instructions given in ancient household codes to the head of the household, because he is the sovereign of the home and he gets to do as he pleases. But in God's Word, Jesus is Lord, and He is Lord of the household. So we will see here, and also we'll consider a little bit of Ephesians, how instructions are not only given to the wife, but to the husband, because the husband has a responsibility to the sovereign, to the King of kings and the Lord of lords. He does not get to do as he pleases. Marriage is under the lordship of Jesus Christ. So living according to God's design in marriage is, saints, listen to me, is a matter of Christian obedience. This is not a secondary thing. It's not something I can leave to the side or maybe do if you feel like it. No, this is a matter of Christian obedience. Do you believe that the Word of God is sufficient for all of life and godliness? then the instructions on marriage is sufficient for what you need to obey God and honor him. And God has made marriage for a specific purpose we do not get to. The culture does not get to define what marriage is. It does not get to tell us what a faithful marriage looks like. God's Word gets to tell us because God made marriage. Man didn't make marriage. I didn't make marriage. The cultural elites didn't make marriage. The legislators didn't make marriage. God made marriage. And so we are to submit to God's word. So now, that we have a little bit of a theology of marriage laid down, let us consider some practical things. This is where I said everybody's going to get offended today. Don't be offended at me, please. I'm just trying to teach God's Word to you and try to apply some pastoral wisdom. But if you're offended with me, that's okay. Come talk to me. We will attend to God's Word in order here. First, we have instruction for wives. Verse 18, Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting the Lord Submit yourselves submit to your husbands the verb here is it means to submit yourself willingly submit yourself To your husband's as is fitting in the Lord We all hate that word don't we because we have been conditioned to hate that word Submit because we want nothing to do with authority and submission our whole life has been conditioned around doing what we want and and not doing what anyone else says. Be your true self. Do as you please. Do what you. Do you. That's it, right? That's the phrase, right? Do you. Well, let's, how about we obey God? Wives, submit to your husband. So, there's a couple things that we could do here. We could spend all our time talking about what submission is not. We spent all our time talking about what submission is. I kind of want to just give a number of bullet points and give you some wisdom and some things to think about about what submission is not, what submission is, and why submitting to your husband's wives brings glory to God. First of all, what submission is not? Submission is not never having a voice. It doesn't mean that you can't express your opinion or your thoughts to your husband. That you're just to be quiet and stay in the kitchen and cook and do the laundry and never say a word. That's not what submission means. Submission does not mean obeying your husband in sin. It tells you to lie on the taxes or to do something that you know is against the will of God. Remember, Jesus is the Lord of the household. And so your commitment, first and foremost, as a Christian woman, is to the Lord Jesus Christ. And because your commitment is to the Lord Jesus Christ, you submit to your husband. But if your husband tries to lead you into disobeying the living God, you must say, as the apostles said to the authorities of their day, we must obey God before we obey man. Submission does not mean you agree on everything. I don't know many marriages in here. If you agree on everything, come tell me how you do that. I have no idea. Submission in marriage does not mean you agree on everything. Submission of marriage does not mean you never tried to influence your husband for good. That you just say, well, he is the way he is, and I just need a, you know, you have been given to him as an instrument of sanctification. Now, how you do that can either be submissive or not, but you can influence your husband for good. And as a married man, I tell you, I am thankful for the influence of my wife for my good. Submission is not living or acting in fear. In 1 Peter, he tells the woman to submit to their husbands and not be fearful of anything. Why? Because you know that you serve the living God who provides for your every need, the sovereign, the one who has all authority in heaven and earth, the one who provides for the birds of the air and the beasts of the field, provides for you and protects you. No matter if your husband is doing a good job at providing or protecting you, You know that you have a God in heaven, a Lord in heaven who cares for you. And so, when you submit to your husband, it doesn't mean you are to live your life in fear, but living in faith to the living God. And submission is not yielding to physical abuse. If your husband is abusing you, you ought to go get help. You ought to call the police because guess what there are as a civil magistrate There is a governing authority that God has put in a place and he has given the governing authority the authority to punish wickedness and Abuse is wickedness and it is a breaking of God's law I mean the law it is breaking of God's law but it's also a breaking of the law of the land and so you have the the right you have the duty to report that to the police so that the sword that God has given might be applied and they might deal with a wicked man. So, submission does not mean yielding to physical abuse. If you are being abused by your husband, please come talk to me immediately. Call the police. Do not yield to physical abuse. That's not what submission is. We can't stop there, can we? Submission we can't define submission simply by what it's not. What is submission? What does it mean for you wives to submit to your husbands? It means First of all, to respect your husband. Respecting your husband is one of the surest ways that you submit to him. The way that you might glorify your Father in heaven, the way you might do what is fitting in the Lord. Notice when we read here in verse 18, as is fitting in the Lord. That is, as is fitting for someone who is in the Lord, who is in Christ. Do this. Submit to your husband in a way that is fitting to being a Christian, to being under God's rule, God's reign, God's design. Submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. And as we're told in Ephesians, if you want to turn there, Ephesians 5, he goes in a little more detail here. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. Oh, by the way, I meant to say that. What submission is not is not submitting to every man, it's submitting to your own husband. Verse 22 of Ephesians. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Remember, we established already that marriage is a picture of something greater than itself. It's a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church. So, if you want a good picture of what it looks like to submit to your husband, think about how the church is to submit to Jesus. Now, it's a little bit different. Analogies always break down, right? Jesus is Lord of Lords and your husband is not Lord of Lords, but it's meant to be a picture. And the church is to always approach Jesus respectfully. To always submit to him respectfully. So, wives, submitting to your husbands means to respect him. You respect him in a number of ways. You respect him by your attitude to his leadership of the family. You know what I mean, right? You might not agree with your husband on something or like something he's doing, and you can say, okay, fine, we can do that, but your attitude is totally not there, right? And your husband can tell and feels it when that lack of respect is being brought to him in your attitude. And notice here in Ephesians 5, Notice that he gives instructions specifically to the men to love their wives, which we'll get to in a moment when we get to the men. and the wife to respect her husband. Why does he bring up these two things? Well, these are the two areas where men and women struggle the most in their marriage, isn't it? Husbands don't do a great job at just naturally loving and showing love to their wives, but wives do a pretty good job at loving their husbands. They'll do all sorts of things for their husbands because they love them. They'll go out of their way to show their love for their husband, but they can do all that because they love their husband without respect. Right? And you struggle with respecting your husband and showing respect to your husband. And I will tell you, as a man, we find it much more important to feel respected than to feel loved. We need to feel loved. And just as women need to be loved, men need to feel loved. But respect is utmost. And the same thing for a woman. A woman needs respect, right? But love is utmost for her. And so, Wives, you need to show respect to your husbands because this is how God has ordered things for marriage. Whenever we say these things, everybody wants to go to the other side and say, does that mean that the husband can disrespect his wife? That's not what God's Word is saying. Let's not get lost in the weeds. Let's focus on what the Word is teaching. The instruction is here for a reason, and it's because this is what we need to know. And wives, you are taught that you are to submit to your husbands, and by showing him respect, respect him in your attitude, and respect him by your words, and tone of your words, in his presence and away from him. It's important that you not just show your husband respect when he's sitting there at the table with you, but also when you get together with your lady friends. When you get together and have discussions and, you know, I know how it goes. Men do it too. You know, we're given prayer requests and we use that as the time to gossip or to disrespect our spouse. That is not to be saints. We are to submit to the wives. You are to submit to your husbands and show them respect in all circumstances. In your Bible studies, in your conversations. Now, does that mean if you're struggling and you're having difficulty in your marriage and your husband is, you know, he's doing some crazy stuff that you can't talk to a godly woman and ask for counsel? Well, that's different than disrespecting your husband, right? And you know the difference. So be wise and yield to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. And if you need counsel, yes, go to a godly woman. You know, Titus 2 instructs that the older women would instruct the younger women in how to love their husbands and care for their households. So that is, God has ordained that in scripture. If you have some difficulties in your marriage, I'm not saying that you can't get help. Go get help. Ask for some counsel of how you can show respect to your husband, how you can be that influence in his life in a respectful way, how you can pray for him. That's all fine. But there's a way that you do that is either respectful or disrespectful. And be careful to honor Christ by submitting to your husband, by respecting him with your words in his presence and away from him, and also by your actions. You can respect your husband, you know, with your lips, but then not with your actions. You can say, oh, yeah, yeah, you know, you're right. Yeah, we'll do that. And then you're just undermining everything that he is, the way he's leading the family, or the way he's asked that we, you know, the things would, the way we would deal with the children, or whatever it might be. There's a hundred circumstances. We can't cover them all. But you know what I'm talking about, right? Use our words and then in action do something different and undermine the leadership of your husband in the home. And be careful to respect your husband and submit to him in your attitude, in your words, and in your actions. What does submission look like on a day-to-day basis? Well, one of the ways we could define submission is that it means deferring to his decisions. As we'll get to, the men, a husband has been given the responsibility by God as the head of the household to lead his family, and he bears responsibility for everything that happens in his marriage and in his home. And it's a big responsibility, and we'll talk about that in a second. And submission means recognizing this position that God has given him, and helping him to do that. Helping him to lead his family and to fulfill the calling that God has given him is what it means to submit to your husband. And that means deferring to his decisions. Now, as I've already said, Submission doesn't mean you don't have a voice. Men, you need to listen to your wives. You need to hear her heart. You need to take her concerns and her fears and her warnings into consideration. And I mean really consider them, not say, oh yeah, yeah, okay. No, I mean listen to your wife. God gave her to you as a helper. Why would you despise her as a helper? Let her help you. Listen to her. When you're making decisions, when you're leading your family in various directions, listen to your wife. Hear her voice. You must not lead your home in a domineering way. Do not treat her harshly. Ladies, what it means to defer to his decision is that you've had, even if you disagree with him, even if he hasn't heard you out, or he has heard you out and you don't agree, Submission means that you will follow His leading of the family even when you don't agree, even when you're not on board fully, but you and your heart are going to support Him and you're gonna do what He needs in that situation. You need to follow the your husband's leading just as the church follows the leading of Jesus in all things Follow him respectfully and support him in his leadership and God will be well pleased in this and you know what it may very well be that you were right all along and he made a decision and it falls flat and you warned him about it and you you would express your concerns and he said no we're gonna do it this way and you submitted and you followed him and But guess what? God has given him the responsibility to make that decision. And so he bears the responsibility of whether he listened to you or not. And guess what? That should be freeing for you. That the responsibility doesn't fall on you, but it actually falls on your husband. That the responsibility for leading the family has been given to God by him, so help him with it. Help him with that weight of responsibility. Don't put a burden on him. Don't make it harder for him to follow God. Don't make it harder for him to lead the family. Help him. And if he fails, and you warned him, don't say, I told you so. Pray for him, love him, forgive him, and show him love. Show him respect like Christ respects, like the church respects Christ and submits to him. Do that with your husband, and it brings glory to God. Now you say, I am a much stronger personality, and I am a much stronger leader than my husband. You know, that's the case in a number of marriages. I understand that. I understand there are some personalities that are stronger than others. But we already established, and I hope you understand, you're committed to God's word, that there is an order of creation that God is, and it's not based on personality. It's not based on skills. It's not based on any of those things. It's based on the order of creation that God has designed. And he has designed the man in the marriage to be the leader. of his home. And so, God, you have strengths that your husband doesn't have. That doesn't mean don't use them, but use them for the good of your husband and of your marriage. Use them to glorify God. God gave you as a helper to your husband because he needs your help. Don't Don't despise him and his leadership. Use those gifts to help him lead the family. Use your gifts, use your strength of personality to strengthen your husband and help him to honor God in all things. When you When you do this, wives, you bring glory to Christ because being obedient to God always brings glory to Christ. And listen, if God designed marriage, don't you think he knows how it works best? Listen, when there is no clear order, when nobody has the role of leader, when everything is up for grabs in the home, there is much chaos and conflict. I can tell you this. I counsel. I meet with people. There is much conflict in the home when we do not submit to God's order of creation. He designed it. He gave it away. Now, just think about this for a second. In an army, There are warriors, men who are strong and mighty, who submit themselves to a commanding officer. And guess what? The army functions in a unity and strength because of the order that it has. Without the order, there is chaos and conflict everywhere. But God is wise, and in his wisdom, he designed an order, and when we follow the order, things work best. I said best. They don't always work great because we're sinners and we don't always do what's best, but God's original design is wise and it always works properly. So, I know you probably have a hundred reasons in your mind Why you shouldn't submit to your husband or why it's hard to submit to your husband. But listen, don't trust in your own wisdom. Instead, submit yourself to God and trust that the reward for obeying his commands, for doing as he said, is much greater than your present difficulty. And that will yield more to your good than taking matters into your own hands. Do not be fearful. But instead, entrust yourself to God. Now, husbands—Colossians 3.19—husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. As I already said, in the ancient household codes, there was never instructions for the head of household. But in God's Word, there is, because Jesus is Lord of the household. And so, husbands, you hear all these things about submission, and you think, Oh, this is a pretty sweet deal. I get the best seat in the house. I get to make all the decisions. I am top dog and I get to do what I want. Well, sorry to break it to you men, but Jesus is Lord of the household and he has established what the role of a husband looks like. What does Jesus show us about the way he cares for his bride? The cross. That's the way of Christ. It's the way of the cross. Jesus has all authority in heaven and earth. And what did he do? He emptied himself and became a man and came to the lowest degree of man. He became a slave. And not only to the slave of all men, to a servant of all, but to even death on a cross, which is the lowest of lows. And because of that, God has exalted him to the highest place. Listen, the role of a husband as leader of the home is the role of the lowest, of the servant of your household, of the one who gives himself fully to his home. Notice the emphasis on love. This is Christian love. It's been defined through Colossians. Love is defined through Scripture. You all know 1 Corinthians 13. Love is not rude. It does not keep accounts. It does not do all of these things. That's the kind of love we're talking about here. We're not talking about romantic love. Husbands, love your wives. Yes, romantically, but the love here is the Christian virtue of love, which is to give of yourself for the good of another. That's the love of God, and that's the love that you as a husband are to show your wife. You are to lay your life down to give yourself to provide and to protect your family. A husband is to be like Jesus. You can picture it like this when it comes to protection. This would be an extreme circumstance, but if someone were to break into your home, you better be the one out the door first and looking for the baseball bat or whatever you've got to defend yourself and to defend your family. You are the protector of your wife and of your home. We can all tend to be cowards. to be fearful when we face things that are difficult. But guess what? You know, I wasn't, you know, really afraid of the dark or any of that kind of stuff. I was when I was a kid. And then I got married. And all of a sudden, I felt this weight of responsibility for protecting my spouse, my wife. And I was like, we went on our honeymoon, and we were in the mountains of Colorado, and there was no one in sight. And I was so scared. I was waking up in the middle of the night. They had a BB gun. that someone, whoever owned the house had a BB gun and someone had knocked on the door one day and I was pretty freaked out so I had this BB gun next to the bed and one night I heard a noise and I got up and I had the BB gun and my wife said, you got the BB gun? I said, shh, this ain't no BB gun. Because I was like, you know, someone's going to hear, I just said BB gun. Because I felt the weight that I was responsible I felt the weight of responsibility to protect this wife that God had so graciously given to me. That I couldn't just run. If I was by myself and someone was breaking in, I'm just gonna run. But now I can't run! Now I gotta fight! So husbands, you are the protector of your home. Now that's an extreme circumstance. You're to protect your wife from all sorts of things. You're to protect her emotionally. You're to protect her spiritually. You are the protector of your home. I like what our elder Jerry says, we're the doorkeepers of our household. And when we, as the head of our homes, let sin in, we let the devil come in and do what he pleases all through our house. So when we ourselves are giving ourself over to sin, we are actually not just Harming ourselves. We're harming our household. We're harming our wives And so we need to keep that in mind and that we are to be the protector of our home spiritually notice in Ephesians 5 that the role of a husband and Laying his wife life down for his wife is to wash her with the water of the word that she might be sanctified you have a spiritual responsibility in your home to to open the Word of God with your wife, to read the Word with her, to discuss the Word with her, to teach her from the Word of God. You have this responsibility to be her spiritual protector. You cannot just leave You know, I'll do my—I have my private devotions with the Lord, and you have your private devotions with the Lord. You need to be protecting your wife. You need to be diligent in studying doctrine and the Word of God that no false thing might creep in and harm your family, harm your wife. You are to be the protector of your home. And you are to be the provider of your home. You're to work hard to provide what is needed for your household, the essential needs, whether it's a roof over the head, the food on the table, all those things, God has given you the responsibility to provide for your family, just as Jesus provides everything the church needs. Ephesians 4, he gives gifts to the church. He makes sure the church has everything it needs to be built up and grown into maturity. And so you are to provide everything your household needs. You are to provide that spiritual nourishment and leadership in your home. You are to do these things as Christ does it for the church. You are not to look to your own needs, but to the needs of your family. Now, this does not mean You know, when we lay our lives down for our spouse, and we wash her in the water of the Word, and we sacrifice, and we serve, and we give of ourselves, we can go two ways as men. One way is to go on the extreme of domineering and saying, I'm the head of the household, and we're going to do as I please, and I'm not even going to take anything you say into consideration. And on the other side is to be passive. And to say, OK, well, I'm supposed to be the servant. So whatever my wife wants, that's what we're going to do. Whatever she wants to do with whatever, unless it's a really, really, really big decision, then I have the final vote. But other than that, it's the wife's preference. Well, I don't think that's what leadership is. Leadership is truly leading your home in all things. So that means you've got to find the right balance here, right? The right balance. It's going to require wisdom. I can't tell you how to do all this perfectly. I don't know your wife. My wife is different than your wife. If you talk to different women, they're similar, but they're different. Every woman is unique. And you need to know your wife. You need to know her needs. You need to know what your household needs. And sometimes that means, yes, giving your wife what she prefers. She prefers steak for dinner and you want, well, who doesn't want steak for dinner? She wants pork for dinner and you want chicken, you know? say okay fine we can have chicken or you know you can have pork it doesn't matter that doesn't matter what does that matter but in your preferences in the way you lead the home you need to know your wife you need to know where she's weak you need to know where she struggles and you need to lead your household and not be passive you need to know what your wife needs and you need to this is Being like Jesus, you need to sacrifice. You need to lay your life down. Because I know what we all want to do, men, when we get home from work. We had a long day, and we just want to sit on the couch and relax. Right? But you come home from work to work. You come home from work to work. Yes, you need rest. And wives, keep that in mind. If your husband has had a stressful day, he might just need some time on the couch. But men, listen. If that's your norm, You got to stop being passive. You got to get up off the couch. You got to start talking to your wife. You need to start listening to her. You need to start leading her. You need to lay your life down and give what is needful for your family. It means listening to her. It means knowing her weaknesses, her difficulties, and it means making decisions for your household that is going to be for the good of your family. Men, I hope you feel the weight of responsibility that you have as the leader of your home. And I am thankful in this church both for the godly women and the godly men who set such a good example in these things. The men who lead their families and the wives who act with such respect and submission. And it brings glory to God. So men, you are to lead your family like Christ leads the church. What does it mean to have authority? It means to have the responsibility to care for those under your authority. If you have authority, it is there so that you might use that authority for the good of those whom you are responsible for. The world says, oh, you have authority. Use it for your own benefit. Use it for your own good. Jesus said it's not to be that way among you. You're not to seek the best seat in the house. But yet you're supposed to take the lowest seat. You're supposed to take the role of the least of these. And so having authority is displayed to us by Jesus, who had all authority in heaven and earth and humbled himself to the point of a servant. So having authority in your home means that you are responsible to care for those under your authority, just as God does. And just like Christ, we are to exercise authority, husbands, by making sure your yes and no in your family is not self-serving. We know we can all dress things up spiritually, right? We can use our influence, our leadership in the home, men, to get what we want, to dress it all up in spiritual language. And, you know, men, we're competitive, right? I mean, we got the men's basketball league. I see the competition. And you know what men are good at in competition? We like to exploit weakness. We see the weakness and we like, there's a, this player right here on this basketball team, that's his weakness. I'm going for that. Don't do that in your marriage. Don't do that in your marriage. That is not, you're not in a competition with your spouse to exploit her weakness and to belittle her and to get your way. Instead, you need to be like Jesus. And Jesus, what does he do? He humbles himself to care for the weakest. He serves the weakest. He loves the weakest. He doesn't exploit their weakness, but actually loves them and helps them out of their weakness because he is a loving Savior. And then notice, not only is there the positive command here to love your wives, which is love them like Christ loved the church, but then he gives the negative, and do not be harsh with them, or could literally be translated, do not become embittered against them. Do not become embittered against them. Do not become bitter against your wife. Do not be harsh with her because you are bitter towards her. How do men get bitter towards their wives? Well, he doesn't understand her. You know, men and women are different, right? My wife wants to tell me all the details about everything that happened that day, and I'm like, What? I just want to sit here for a second. But that, see, that's wrong. That's the, that's the mindset of not being a servant. That's, then we can get bitter because we're like, she just doesn't understand me. She doesn't listen. I don't understand. Or men, am I alone here? but you just don't understand why your wife does things a certain way or why she does certain things at all. You're just like, what? Why do you do that? We should do this. Why did you leave the keys in the door? Why did you do this over here? You know what I'm talking about. Listen, do not get bitter towards your wife, but love her and keep short accounts. Do not let the sun go down on your anger. It is your responsibility as the leader of your home to not allow bitterness to grow in your heart or your wife. And that means not letting the sun go down on your anger. If you know there is an issue between you and your spouse, between you and your wife, do not go to bed. without resolving it. Resolve it. Get it figured out. At least get to peace where you can talk about it more the next day. But do not leave that anger in your heart. And don't be harsh towards your wives. Men, you often want to talk to your wife like you talk to your buddies. And she is not one of your buddies. She is not one of the guys. You need to deal with her tenderly, and with care, and with gentleness, and with love. She is not one of the men. Care for her as a woman. Care for her as one entrusted to you. She is a precious jewel that has been given to you. Proverbs says, a man who has found a wife has found a good thing. That God, that a wife is a gift from God. Don't take that for granted. I know you've been married for a number of years and you forget how special of a gift your spouse is to you from God. Do not, man, don't be harsh towards your wife, but listen to them. And honestly, that is where a lot of the issue can be solved. Just listen. Listen to your wife, and then be wise. Sometimes you need to fix it, and sometimes you just need to listen. And that's where you need the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to know when is the proper time. And it's not dependent on if your wife wants you to just listen or wants you to fix it. It's dependent on what is needful. And so you need the guidance of the Holy Spirit. And so all these things, all these things about marriage, the wife submitting to your husband and the husband loving your wife and not being harsh with them, we have a clear picture from God of what marriage should look like. But when we get into the nitty-gritty, it gets complicated, doesn't it? So I just want to ask you today to commit yourself to be submitted to the Word of God, to upholding the institution of marriage that God has designed from the beginning, that is a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church. I want you to be committed to that, because when you're tempted to not believe God's Word and to shirk your responsibility and to not obey the scriptures in your marriage. Remember that marriage is bigger than you. That it is bigger than your difficulties in your marriage. It is about the gospel of Jesus Christ. And you may have difficulty in wisdom in the little parts and particulars. Talk to a godly man, a godly woman, and get wisdom in areas where you're not sure about. But overall, your disposition ought to be, as a follower of Jesus, to follow the scriptures, to do as God commands. And that your disposition as a wife should be to submitting to your husband, and to fulfilling your role as a helper in the marriage, and men, for you to fulfill your role as the provider and protector of your home, and to be like Jesus, laying your life down. Neither is easy. Both require commitment and sacrifice and obedience and sanctification and a commitment to glorifying the living God. Let's honor Christ in our marriage so that all that we do in word or deed, that we would do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Let us pray. Father, we thank you for your word and that it's sufficient and that you give us instruction for every area of life, that you have given us what is sufficient for what we need to live a life of godliness, a life that is pleasing to you. And so we ask that you would give us wisdom in our marriages, to honor you and glorify you, that you would reveal to the men how to love their wives, to not be harsh with them, to give what is needful, that you would give them wisdom in submitting to their husbands and glorifying you in their household. And I ask, Lord, that that as we live in Christian faith in our marriage, that our children and that our neighbors and our family would see our love for Christ. in our marriage. And I lift up all those this morning who are not married. I ask that you would strengthen them. You have given them this time, this place in their life that they might serve you fully committed to the bride of Christ without any distractions. We thank you for each and every saint in this room. We ask that you would be most glorified in Jesus' name. Amen.