Please stand as you are able as we turn to God's word this morning. We'll be reading from the book of Colossians, beginning chapter 3, verse 18, and conclude in chapter 4 with verse 1. Wives, submit to your husbands as fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. Bondservants, obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, not by way of eye service as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. you are serving the Lord Christ. For the wrongdoer will be paid back for the wrong he has done, and there is no partiality. Masters, treat your bondservants justly and fairly, knowing that you also have a master in heaven. Please be seated. Well, good morning. Happy Father's Day. My own dad, hi honey, and my father-in-law are actually here. I love both of you. I'm thankful for both of you. I'm thankful that only one of you says you're here to heckle me. And along those lines, we are going to be going over fathers exasperating their children later on, so in about 20 minutes, wake up and listen up and you might learn something. So for those of you who don't know me, I'm Jeff Ammons. I'm one of the elders here at New City. My wife Meredith and I have been married for almost 22 years, and we have four wonderful, rambunctious, always trying to sit still in their seats children. Will is now 14, Charlie is 11, Ben is nine, and Annie is almost six. We've been a part of New City since the beginning, and it's really a pleasure to be here with you all this morning. So, here we are nearing the end of Colossians, and we get to what's known as household codes. In this household code here in Colossians, we have very short commands for wives, husbands, children, fathers, bondservants, and masters. It also happens to be Father's Day. So we're actually going to focus in on fathers and husbands this morning, given the occasion, and I'm going to focus on the scripture passages related to them, although, of course, we will briefly cover the rest as well. By the end of our time today, I'm hoping you'll have a better biblical answer to the following three questions. One, what does it mean for a husband to love his wife? Two, what does it mean for a wife to submit to her husband? And three, what does it mean when fathers are instructed not to exasperate their children? So let's dive in. As I mentioned today, we're reading what is commonly referred to in ancient times as household codes. This is something that would have been very familiar to the people of Colossae, who were mostly Gentiles, who had gathered to hear the letter that the Apostle Paul had sent to them. Different codes of the household were common during ancient times, but inevitably, everyone hearing Paul's letter had one memorized or had one on their mind when they thought about their own role in the home. One of the most well-known of all time is the ancient household code of Aristotle. That great philosopher said the following, and is still well-known work, politics. Of household management, we have seen that there are three parts. One is the rule of a master over slaves, which has been discussed already. Another of a father, and a third of a husband. A husband and father, we saw, rules over wife and children, both free, but the rule differs. The rule over his children being a royal rule, over his wife a constitutional rule. Although there may be exceptions to the order of nature, the male is by nature fitter for command than the female, just as the elder and full-grown is superior to the younger and more immature. When one rules and the other is ruled, we endeavor to create a difference of outward form and names and titles of respect. The relation of the male to the female is of this kind, but there the inequality is permanent. The rule of a father over his children is royal, for he rules by virtue both of love and of the respect due to his age, exercising a kind of royal power. The gist of Aristotle here is common for most ancient households of the time. It's about a man's rule over his wife and children. The emphasis of these household codes were focused on maintaining order and good behavior and decorum in the household, and were focused on the husband and father. In fact, in Douglas Moo's excellent commentary on Colossians and Philemon, he stated that he was unable to find a single ancient household code that required husbands to actually love their wives. That just wasn't part of the formula. But Jesus, Jesus changed everything. As a 21st century reader, verse 18 may suddenly break out into advice, breaking out into advice for households might feel like a bit of a jolt. We've become accustomed to therefores, telling us to link the prior statements and passages with the upcoming ones, but the 1st century listeners here in Colossae must have already had the household in the back of their minds. We've spent the last couple months going through Paul's letter to the Colossians, and so far we have spent a lot of time talking about Jesus. Chapters 1 and 2 make clear that he is divine. Chapter 2 verse 9 says, for in Christ all the fullness of the deity lives in bodily form. In him we have been set free. Then we get to chapter three where we're told to set our minds on things above, in verse two, and not on things of this earth. Verse nine tells us to put on a new self and to put off the old self. Then verse 11 goes even further and tells us that there is no Greek or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, slave or free, but that Christ is all and in all. What does all this look like for life in general? What is this new self that we're to put on? Verses 12 through 17 that Matt Beatty went through with us last week makes that very clear. It says, put on compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, forgiving each other, and above all, put on love, which binds all these together in perfect harmony. And all this is done in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. All of these things are the essence of the Christian faith. These new Christians in Colossae have had their lives transformed because of Jesus. They had earned death because of their sin, but learned that this God-man Jesus sacrificed himself and took the penalty of their sin on their behalf by dying and then showed the power over death by being raised back to life. And throughout Colossians, they're learning what this all means. How they're raised with Christ. And chapter 3, verse 4 says, they will appear with him in glory. But what about where most of life actually takes place? What about the home? What about the code of the household? Where, as Aristotle said, men rule with royal power. to bring about obedience and order in the family. Well, Jesus has transformed those relationships as well. The Apostle Paul does not tell husbands in Colossae to rule over their wives or to make them obey. No, Paul chooses husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. This would be nothing short of shocking to anyone in Colossae who is unfamiliar with Jesus to hear. Paul has one order for husbands on how to behave and direct their household and he chooses husbands love your wives? Is that some new way of getting your wives in your household to behave properly? What does that mean? Well, first, the readers were just given advice at the beginning of chapter three about love, applying those passages to themselves. Husbands are to put on their new selves and put on a love that binds together compassionate hearts and kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. That's the kind of love husbands are being told to put on with their wives. Now, here's a really interesting thing. There's good evidence to suggest that as the Colossian church is reading this letter from Paul that's being circulated around the church in Colossae, including this counter-cultural advice for husbands, and wondering what is meant by this new household code that husbands love their wives, Paul's letter to the church of Ephesus was also being circulated among the people of Colossae. The same man who delivered the letter from Paul to the Colossians, Tychicus, was also given a letter from Paul to deliver to the church of Ephesus, likely at the same time as this letter. So perhaps just as the Colossians did when they first heard this brief new household code about husbands loving their wives, we're going to go to a similar passage that's fleshed out a bit more in Paul's letter to the Ephesians. So if you have a Bible, you can turn with me, but I'm going to read Ephesians 5, 25 to 29 for some additional, even more in-depth instructions to husbands on how to love their wives. There's a lot here, but we're just going to focus on 5, verses 25 to 29. That says, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church. Now there's a lot in there. But since we're talking about what it means for a husband to love their wives right now, we're gonna focus in on two specific ways that Paul tells husbands to love their wives here in his letter to the church at Ephesus. One, as Christ does the church, which is described in verse 25, and two, as they do their own bodies, which is described in 28 through 29. So let's talk about each of these. What does it mean for a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church? Well, the passage itself actually helps explain it a lot. First, we use Christ as an example, and Christ is a servant. So the first way we as husbands love our wives is through serving our wives. Jesus demonstrated the importance of servanthood to his disciples at the Last Supper. In John chapter 13, three through eight, which describes the Last Supper, it says, Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands and that he had come from God and was going back to God, rose from supper. He laid aside his outer garments and taking a towel, tied it around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet and to wipe them with the towel that was wrapped around him. He came to Simon Peter who said, Lord, do you wash my feet? Jesus answered him, what I am doing you do not understand now, but afterward you will understand. Peter said to him, you shall never wash my feet. But Jesus answered him, if I do not wash you, you have no share with me. Jesus does this as an intentional example of what it means to love. Especially in Jewish culture at the time, washing another's feet was demeaning and condescending. By removing his outer garments and taking a towel and tying it to his waist, he was essentially positioning himself as a slave. And just in case there was any doubt as to what lesson Jesus was teaching his disciples, he just went out and told them explicitly. And a couple verses later, starting at verse 12, it says, when he had washed their feet and put on his outer garment and resumed his place, he said to them, do you understand what I have done to you? You call me teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your teacher and Lord, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example that you also should do just as I have done to you. I actually have an example of this type of servanthood from my life. My wife homeschools our children, which means our home is a schoolhouse filled with five people, and they spend most of the day there. With three boys of 14, 11, and 9, and a five, almost six-year-old little daughter, these kids can make a mess. I mean, a serious mess. But the biggest thing our family just cannot keep up with is dishes. I'm sure none of you all can relate. despite my wife's best efforts. And no matter how many times we tell our kids to take the dishes to the sink, rinse them, put them in the dishwasher, give them consequences, they actually do it, and then at the end of the day, our kitchen is still a mess. It just happens over and over again. Several days each week, I come home from a long day of work and I spend a significant amount of time just cleaning the kitchen and packing the dishwasher. On Saturdays, I typically spend at least an hour in the morning cleaning the kitchen to make sure it's completely picked up. That's being a servant. It's not my mess, but I know it serves my wife and my family to have a clean kitchen during the day. A messy kitchen makes our life pretty chaotic. Now, if we ended there, I would be quite Christ-like in my behavior. Unfortunately, I'm embarrassed to say it doesn't end there. You can just ask my wife and kids. I do do a lot of dishes for my family, but I often complain while I'm doing it. And when it's done, I'm constantly asking people to thank me. for how much work I did when it wasn't actually my work to do. Frankly, it totally ruins what could be a sacrificial and servant-like act as a husband, an example to my children, and turns it into a Jeff-focused, glory-seeking behavior that lays guilt on my family. So that leads us to a pivotal clarification. Servanthood is not self-focused. If you make your servanthood about yourself, then you're not really serving. Let's look at the next way Ephesians 5 describes how husbands are to love their wives. Again, verse 25 says, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. And gave himself up for her. Love is sacrificial. This is a clear allusion to the fact that Jesus died on the cross for the sins of the church. Is that what God is calling husbands to in their position as head and leader of the church? Is God suggesting that husbands actually give their lives up for their wives? Yes, it is. Now, it very well may not come to that, but if it does, if it's between you and your wife, you show your love to your wife by being willing to actually sacrifice your life for her. Now, many of us will not actually need to sacrifice our lives for our wives. I'm kind of thankful for that. But God does call us to sacrifice our comfort, our emotional safety, our money, our time, and anything else that we may want to call our own to love our wives. A husband's love for his wife is sacrificial. Let's look at another way Ephesians tells us to love our wives. Starting again at verse 25, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her. That he might sanctify her. Love's purpose is to lead your wife to greater Christlikeness. Just as Christ died on the cross so that we could be washed clean and sanctified, which means to grow in holiness. We are called to have the same desire for our wives. We are to desire that our wives become sanctified and grow in holiness. There are so many ways that we can encourage our wives to do this. We can help our wives find time to be in prayer, to study God's word, to spend time with other Christian women, or even get away for an extended period of time for a personal retreat. We can take the initiative, encourage them to grow with us, Set aside time to read and to pray, to worship with them, and just to talk together about God. Take the lead in prioritizing participation in corporate worship and the life of the church. And of course, when we mess up, and when we sin against her, we apologize, we ask for forgiveness and help our wives find healing from the way our sin has affected her. All this helps promote our wives' sanctification. All right, so this is a lot of advice packed into one command in Colossians for husbands to love their wives, huh? As a wonderful Father's Day gift, they all start with an S. It's easy for us men to remember. How do we love our wives? We one, serve. Two, sacrifice. Three, promote sanctification. Three S's. And you thought Father's Day was just gonna be a nap on the couch while golf was on in the background. Well, there's still one more way that Paul tells husbands to love their wives, and that's in verses 28 through 29. That says, in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church. So we love our wife as our own body, as Christ loves the church in the same way, and that is to nourish and to cherish. Other versions use provide for and protect. I like these words better. Go ESV. The word nourish means to develop, to nurture, to lift up. Paul uses this word in another relational context in Ephesians 6, 4, where he instructs Christian fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction to the Lord. So this word nourish includes a sense of dignifying purpose and care and attention. Therefore, a loving Christian husband cares so deeply about his wife that he makes sure his life, her life, is moving in a desirable direction. Learn her. Learn her gifts. Help nurture how God has made her and how she can develop those gifts to serve the kingdom. The word cherish goes even deeper emotionally because this word means to comfort, to warm, to soften as by heat. Our word heartwarming conveys the same sense. Paul uses this word in 1 Thessalonians 2, 7, where he says, we were gentle among you like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So when a woman is married to a loving Christ-like man who cherishes her, She feels a warmth in her heart at being valued by her husband and held dear above all others, second only to Christ himself. Her husband doesn't compare her with others or find fault with her or treat her as someone he is stuck with. That would break her heart. Instead, her husband delights in her and prizes her, and she feels it deep inside with a heartwarming glow. That is cherishing one's wife. And with that wife, who knows her husband, delights in her and prizes her, who knows she is cherished, that is where we'll transition into Paul's advice to wives in Colossians 3.18. That is where Colossians says, wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Now there is some controversy, especially outside of the church, about Paul's advice to wives here. I want to make it clear that in Christ, all are equal. Paul even reminds us just a few verses ago in Colossians, in chapter 3, verse 11, men and women, husbands and wives, slave and free. Jew and Gentile, all are of equal value and worth in the eyes of God. But Ephesians 5.23 makes clear that a husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. And so those roles, while equal in value and dignity, are rooted in the creation story. So there is a structure here and submission plays a part. To be clear, it's not even just the household codes here in Colossians 3.18, or in Ephesians where we've been reading, or even just the Apostle Paul that make clear that a wife is to submit to her husband. Ephesians 5.22 says, wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. Ephesians 5.24 says, now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. As we've already read, Colossians 3.18, wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. First Peter 3.1, likewise, wives be subject to your own husbands so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives. Titus 2 verses four through five, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands. that the word of God may not be reviled. So there isn't just one or two isolated verses being taken out of context to come up with this idea of submission. Rather, we're relying on explicit instructions in an entire section of Ephesians 5, here in Colossians 3, and elsewhere in the Bible, rooted in the creation story that make this concept clear. But what does submit mean? The same Greek root word is used in each of the passages we just read, hypotasso. It was a Greek military term well known for referring to the voluntary action of arranging under or yielding to one's admonition and advice. So this word refers to a voluntary action on the part of the one who is submitting. It signifies a choosing to submit, an intentional conscious choice to brings oneself under the protection and direction of another. But what does a wife's submission to a husband look like? We'll get some help from Paul's letter to the church at Ephesus again. just as Ephesians 5 describes what it looks like for men to love their wives, as Christ does the church, Ephesians 5 is clear regarding what a wife's submission to a husband looks like. It's found in Ephesians 5.33. It says, however, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Paul is telling husbands to love their wives, to serve, sacrifice, sanctify and cherish them. Make this woman who is your wife, who is trusting you, feel and be safe. Paul uses respect here in the same sense of treating the husband's leadership with dutiful regard and deference, and husbands should be making this respect come easy because of the way they are loving their wives. So that is what submission is. It's a voluntary act to follow a husband's servant-loving leadership. And that is what submission looks like. It's respect. It's having a disposition of good regard toward your husband and his leadership. In Christ, in a marriage where a husband is loving his wife with the love of Christ, her inherent vulnerability of submission is honored and protected, not exploited. Which leads us to something that is perhaps just as important as what we've learned regarding what submission is, I want to briefly discuss what submission isn't. Two things submission doesn't mean. Submission isn't forced. The Bible never tells husbands to make their wives submit. Now, I don't want any of you to dismiss this point as obvious and unimportant. It's my belief, and this is based on experience, not scientific surveys or anything, but I feel strongly that one of the primary reasons people reject the biblical model of complementarianism in marriage, that is that the husband is the head of the family and the wife submits to the husband, is because of how men ignore and abuse this important point. Again, the Bible never tells husbands to make their wives submit. A husband trying to subtly or forcefully make his wife submit can look like many different things. Deception, manipulation, using money as a weapon, emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, manipulation of children, and much, much more. For centuries, men have abused women in all these ways in the name of God and in the name of submission and have thus perverted the gospel. and ways that have poisoned people's minds against God. The Bible says the relationship between husband and wife is supposed to look like the relationship between Christ and the church. And men who abuse in the name of submission dishonor God, and by analogy, make Jesus Christ look like he abuses. The Bible never ever tells a man to make his wife submit. Second, the Bible doesn't instruct women to generally submit to the authority of all men outside of the context of their own marriage and church leadership. This is another one that men abuse all the time. While the Bible makes the husband the head and the marriage and ordain pastors and elders, the leaders of the church, it does not only call women to submit to men in all other areas of life. To the contrary, men and women should be following Paul's command in Ephesians 5, 21, which is the backbone of all Christian relationships, where we're told to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. That is, a woman who is not your wife does not submit to you anymore then another Christian man is to submit to you as a fellow believer. Do you really act like this? Do you really believe this? Do you treat women as your equal? Do you treat them as your equal in wisdom and understanding? Do you seek out the counsel of wise women for issues on which they have shown wisdom, or do you ask women for advice only when another woman needs guidance on problems? Do you expect women, not your wise, but just women in general, to submit to you just because you're a man? Well, you shouldn't. You should serve women as co-laborers in the church and respect women for all the ways God has uniquely gifted them. So to wrap up this morning, I wanna touch on two more things. One, fathers not provoking their children, and two, why bondservants are addressed quite significantly in this passage and what we should make of it. So first, let's look at Colossians 3.21, which commands, fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Now, just in case any kids in here are still listening, hey, kids, Don't think that me skipping over Paul's command just earlier for children to obey their parents is me suggesting that it's not important. It is. And you need to do it. Not just because the Bible says so, but because we love you guys. And even though you guys are smart and clever, quick-witted, and let's be honest, if we're your parents, you're the best, We look out for you, and we have your best interest at heart, and we have wisdom and experience, so trust and obey your parents, because it's for your own good, and we want you to grow up to love and trust Jesus. Also, we're doing the best we can. So kids, keep listening, because we're gonna talk right now about Paul's command to dads to not provoke their children. so the children don't become discouraged. What does this mean? Some other translations use the word exasperate. So to be clear, for all of us awesome dads who like to tell hilarious dad jokes, which, by the way, what do you call someone else's cheese? Nacho cheese. That noise you just heard your kids hear That isn't the type of exasperation Colossians is talking about. Or like when Will, my 14-year-old, asked if I would take him to Trader Joe's the other day so I could buy him some snacks, and I wanted to test how important that really was to him. So I told him I would go, but only if he'd let me go into the store with him with my arm shoved up the sleeve of my shirt and a fake skeleton arm sticking out. And he said yes, so we walked around, and I was sure to point out all the different things in the store that I thought he should get, with my fake skeleton arm, and Will said that I was only embarrassing myself, and he was right, but he was probably also a little bit exasperated too. That's also not what Colossians is talking about, not that kind of exasperation. What this is talking about, what Paul doesn't want to see, is the children of Christian families being disciplined to such an extent that they lose heart. that they're exasperated and simply give up trying to obey their parents. For example, and I'm not talking about any of the parents out there or any dads who might be giving a sermon right now, yelling at kids to get in the car because the family is late for church. When the reality is the real reason you're running so late is because you didn't wake yourself or your children up in time to get ready. I know it blows our minds. It blows my mind. But somehow, at least one of your children is going to lose one of their shoes somewhere in their house on a Sunday morning. We need to build time in for that, for finding shoes. Because if they're constantly being yelled at and getting in trouble for things that are really minor, when they and you are supposed to be preparing hearts and minds to go to church, and to worship God with a grateful heart, eventually, that kid may get discouraged and stop wanting to go to church at all. That's exasperation. That's what Paul is commanding us fathers not to do. Fathers, do not exasperate your children. Finally, a quick word on bondservants. Whether we use the word bondservant or slave, The practice was much different in first century Colossae than the 18th and 19th century race-based slavery here in the United States. And yet, even in the first century, it was still morally wrong. Paul's advice to bondservants and their masters here in Colossians is not, and I repeat, it is not a tacit approval of the practice of slavery itself. Rather, Paul's use of the typical structure of household codes here was to show the radical transformation Jesus has in all relationships, even the master-slave relationship. So Paul is calling everyone, no matter their station, to work and to live and to serve each other as if they were serving Jesus. The time for the ending of the practice of slavery was to come later, and Christianity and Jesus played a significant part in that. But the purposes of Paul's letter here was not to overtly overturn the entirety of the Roman societal structure. It was to transform the hearts and minds of individuals through the message of Jesus Christ. And through that, the relationships those Christians found themselves in. There is much more to say on this, and I'd be happy to discuss the issue of slavery in the New Testament with anyone who'd like to discuss it. But for now, we end with how Jesus transforms relationships. And today on Father's Day, I want all the husbands and fathers here to spend time letting the love of Jesus, the type of serving, sacrificing, Sanctification promoting and cherishing Jesus demonstrated toward the church be the same kind of love that marks relationships with our families. And of course, when we mess it up, which we all inevitably do, we seek and are reminded of the forgiveness of Jesus Christ. We ask for forgiveness from our wives and kids. and we continue to ask Jesus to renew us and lead us into a greater love for our families. Let's pray together.