I, too, would like to say Happy Father's Day to everyone. I've received texts this morning from people wishing me Happy Father's Day that are on vacation at Kings Island and the zoo. I got a nice card this week from Adam. I've received three tearjerkers from my family. They love to make me cry and then make fun of me. My grandson does. However, it's been a great week with all that's going on here the past few weeks with CRA camp and then Bible school this week and still yet to come. I mean our summers are very busy with what transpires and a lot of people vacationing and yet I think there's still 125 or 130 people here this morning. And, you know, God just continues to bless us as a church simply because, in my opinion, it's not I but Christ. Galatians 2.20 makes that statement and John 3.30 says he must increase that we should decrease and if you notice we got the banners up this week out in the hallways that has become our theme. It'll be our language in years to come and it's not I, it's Christ. And when he is exalted and he is lifted up and he is presented to people as the Savior and people this week that trusted Christ, that's the business that we're in. We're not in a business of just being a church because it's something you're supposed to do. We're in the business of reaching people with the gospel of Jesus Christ. Today being Father's Day I thought not I but Christ how do I and I don't want to be accused by the women of picking on the men only and so we'll try to hit both of you this morning with it being Father's Day and do not I but Christ in parenting. And since I didn't speak to the women directly on Mother's Day, then that makes maybe a good fit. And it will work with everyone in the room, from grandparents to moms to stepdads to even the children and those teenagers that are here, because in speaking to you about parenting, we also speak to you as children. Many of you have heard my story, some of you have not, being new or visiting for the first time. I tell it often because I don't ever want to forget, but I have no memory of ever living, I don't even know that I did, but I have no memory of ever living in the same house with my dad. My dad, I can count on one hand. the number of times I've seen my dad sober, one hand. Three of those were at the death of a family member when he sobered up in order to go to a funeral. My dad, every morning, that anytime I ever went to see them, if I was there or if he was at my grandfather, my dad carried a flask and the first thing he did of the morning was poured in his coffee to start his day. And so with that, and the reason I say that is I just I had no father figure growing up. I had no dad figure. My mother was married three different times. I had a couple stepdads, decent relationship with those men, and one of them still today, I call him my dad or my stepdad, and great guy, and yet there was no dad-son relationship. My maternal grandfather was my male role model. He was a dairy farmer, and we lived with them during the summer because I had no dad, and so with that, my mother worked, and we would go stay there all summer, and she would come and see us on the weekends. And my brother, if he was sitting here this morning, he'd tell you he was my male role model, but that's a farce, don't you believe him. But as a child growing up on the south side of Huntington, we lived next to Owens and Owens in an apartment building that the last time I was over that way it was still standing. Me and my brother spent a lot of time alone there after school and sometimes on the weekend if we'd go back to stay with my mother for a couple days during the summer. But we spent a lot of time alone and I can remember Um... Taking a ball and throwing it up in the air and playing catch with myself my brother being six years older than me He didn't play very well or very much with his younger brother Or there was a set of steps to that apartment And we would take a I'd take a tennis ball And I would throw it down against the step and it would bounce and come back as a fly ball Or you could throw it down at the steps, and it would come to you as a grounder Because I had no one to play catch with. I had no dad to go and ask. And I can remember asking them to play catch, but everyone was always too busy. And I recall as a little boy thinking to myself, I'll be glad when I grow up and become a dad, and I'll take time to play catch. with my son. Now for those 39 years I've been a dad, I trust I've been the kind of dad that's pleasing to God. And not only to God, but hopefully to my children. It hasn't been perfect, an unwanted divorce, mired some of those parenting dreams. However, my children and I are still very close, and I spend all the time with them that I can. I was saved at the age of 18, and I remember reading Proverbs 22, verses 6 and 7, and verses 15, and I want to put those up. because these became the model by which I wanted to raise my kids. It says, train up a child in the way should go. And when he is old, he will not depart from it in verse six. And then in verse 15, it says, foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. As a 20 year old father, I remember thinking that this is what I'm going to do, is train and discipline. Train and discipline. Because, see, I didn't have a father model for parenting. The Bible became my model. And it was all about rules and training and disciplining. So rules clearly defined that model. I mean, it was to the place. We've had our grandkids, Mandy's little boy, we called him P.T., Parker the Terror, this week. And we've moved everything out and up and off. because I didn't want to holler and scream at him all the time he was here. Don't touch that, don't touch that. But I can tell you, and my kids will tell you, when they were little, the backs of their hands stayed red because I was not going to move the stuff off of the tables, and it was no, no, no. Don't you touch it. I remember going to my mom's house and them breaking stuff at her house, and I just expected rigid adherence to those rules. And I thought that even a 13-month-old, if they were old enough to walk and get up or crawl, they ought to know what no, no, no meant. And they ought to be able to understand. And I thought strict punishment and great reward was the ideal way of raising kids. Believe me, I still think a thrashing is needed from time to time, even no matter what the age, but allow me to tell you a couple things that this near 60-year-old man has learned. Your children need love. And no matter what the age, they need love. In fact, they need love more than they need discipline. Because what I have found, that proper love will discipline. And when folks tell me that they love their kids and they don't discipline, I question their love. Sometimes tough love, but still discipline. And letting your child disrespect their parents or their grandparents and other adults and teachers at school and things to where that it gets totally out of control, do you realize all you simply do is shorten their lives? You say, do what? You shorten a child's life by not disciplining and loving that child. Because Ephesians 6 verses 1 through 4 has a very distinct, and it takes you back to Exodus chapter 20, which I want to say is verse 10, 11, or 12, somewhere in there, that is part of the Ten Commandments, and it says, Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and your mother, which is the first commandment with promise. And then it says that it may be well with you, and you may live long upon the earth. It's a promise. And it also can be played in reverse that if you don't honor your father and mother and you don't respect your parents, that your life is shortened. That's the implication. That's the reality of what that verse says. And then there is a direct command to fathers and could be used to mothers as well or any parent, it says, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture or training and admonition of the Lord. You may live long. So whenever I say that if you don't bring your kids up and teach them and love them and discipline them, then you're shortening their life because it says that you may live long upon the earth. But more than discipline, love trains because of the fact that if you look, love not only trains, love cares, and you believe this, love shows too. You can tell parents that love their kids and that it's not just talked love, love shows, and kids know. if you love them or not. I wish I had time to have our teachers that are setting, there's 11 or 12 different teachers that, maybe 15, that attend our church any given Sunday when they're not on vacation or traveling. I wish I had time to tell you and to have Mark stand and say, here's what we see in the schools of parents that don't love their kids. and how that the school has become a place to help raise kids, to the place that we are even having to take food as a church, to where those children have something and leave it there so that they can stuff duffel bags to send home with those kids on the weekends so that they just have something to eat. We do not understand how blessed we are or how blessed you are as a child sitting in this room if you have someone to love you and you have someone to care for you and you have someone to discipline you and provide for you because the fact of the matter is that is becoming something that our kids do not understand. They don't see it on a regular basis. They don't know what it is. In fact, there is statistics out there today that so many grandparents are raising their kids because of drug abuse and because of addiction and because of deceased parents that have passed away due to overdoses that kids are being raised by grandparents and they don't understand what the family model from this book looks like. They don't comprehend. It's not commonplace to them. Love teaches a child and is the model that they should see. And you also need to believe that this model and what they see is more important than what you say. Because we talk a good language when it comes to raising our kids and saying we love our kids and placing our children and providing for them. But the fact of the matter is what we say is trumped by what we do. Love teaches character. If you love your child, you'll teach them honesty. And you'll teach them decency. And you'll teach them that truth matters. And you'll teach them that work is not a cuss word. And you'll teach them that to the place that their character, you know what character is? I use that word a lot because I was taught character by my grandfather. As a child, when you got big enough, 6, 8, 10, you got up at 5.30 and started at the dairy just like he did. And your job was a role that was getting the cows in the barn and was making sure that they had hay in front of them and that the corn was sacked so that it was put in the barrel that was in the milk room. And us boys, there was my brother, and he's a slacker, he's not here, I'm glad I can say all this. My brother, I'm kidding, my brother and I and my two first cousins were made to do that while they were preparing to start milking. And then when they got done and went to the house to eat, it was still our job to clean out the barn. And that was not picking up trash either. But the fact of the matter is my grandfather taught us character. He taught us to work. He taught us to get out of bed early. And he had a saying, we can get more done before most people get out of bed. And that was the truth because they were done milking by 9 or 10 o'clock because he had a farm to take care of. We forget that character. You say, what is character? It's your child subconsciously doing what's right without having to think about it. That's what character is. Is a child doing what's right without even having to think about it? Because they've been taught what character is. And we literally, in this day and age, are raising a generation of lazy, self-satisfying kids that think that everything ought to be instantaneous gratification and that they don't have to work for anything and that the only thing that they need to do is sit in front of a TV or on an iPad or a computer and technology's great, but there's more to life than a child sitting in front of a television or on a computer or an iPad. And I can tell you that this believing group of young people, they do not understand what work and reward is. And if you are guilty of allowing your children to have that type of ethics, then don't tell me this morning that there's not time to change. And you don't have to be mean, rude and crude, but you can kneel on your knees before a holy God and say I want to do what's right and I want my child to be raised to learn character and I want my child to be disciplined and I want my child to know that their love because love teaches character and love disciplines. And if you love, you will train your child and you will discipline your child and you will teach them because the very existence of love is because of character that's in you. Being loved is life's second greatest blessing. You all know what the first is? Loving. Loving. I'll promise you, you get more out of loving than you do receiving love. The second thing that I've learned is your children need you. Your children need you to spend time with them. And your children, they need you to listen. They need you to communicate. rather than just bark orders and say, because I said so. They can't learn from that type of system. I used to tell my kids, you do what I say and I'll tell you why afterwards. And I used a little illustration that if we were walking through the forest and there's a snake dangling above your head and you don't see it and I tell you to duck, For me to stop and explain that takes too long. You need to learn to duck. But I also will stop and tell you why after the fact. I'll give you an explanation. We had a rule at our house, and Linda's sitting here, and Chad is somewhere in the building, and there was three kids, so they each had a vote. Linda had four votes. So that means there was seven and I had eight votes. But the fact of the matter is that in that process, our kids learned that we loved them and the things that we did and the things that have become a part of that, they realized that they had a vote, that we would listen to them. And we did vacations that way. And we chose what we were doing by setting down and them saying, this is what way I want to do, this way. And we went to the beach every year. They always wanted to go to the beach. They need to know that you listen and they need to know that you spend time with them more than they need your big house and more than they need your nice car and more than they do your big boat or more than they do your guns or your clothes, ladies. They need you more than the stuff that you buy because if you don't take the stuff and use it to spend time with them, you're really doing them an injustice. we used the income tax system as a savings account. And Linda and I made it a point whenever our kids were home to spend our money on things that we could spend time with them. And she'll tell you this is true, but every year we would take our income tax check because we used the income tax, we always zero, and so we saved, you know, I wasn't disciplined enough to save any other way, but Uncle Sam would save at fours. And so with that, whenever we'd get that check, that's what we used as vacation funding. And we'd use it to buy swing sets. Our kids liked income tax time. We didn't care very much for it, but they loved it. And so we'd buy swing sets and motorcycles and mopeds and bought a boat one time and a swimming pool. But we used it as though we spent time with our kids and the way the things that we bought were on purpose so that that was the process. And when we even built where I live now, we budgeted for a pool so that my kids and my grandkids would come and spend time. Boy, that was a mistake. But what I've learned is a family that plays together stays together. And we still play together and we spend a lot of time. And the fact of the matter is, it should always be understood that your children can talk to you. about anything. Chad brought up a situation this week and I'd almost think God forgot about it and he's wrecked my memory again. But my kids, when they were teenagers, if there was a problem, I wanted to call me first. If they were drinking and could not drive, call me. No questions asked. I'll come and get you and we'll talk about it later, but I'm not going to wreck you. Chad brought up a situation this week. I got a phone call at 4 o'clock in the morning. Didn't realize he wasn't home, wasn't in bed. He said, Dad, I've wrecked my truck. I said, OK, where you at? He said, it's in the middle of 775. I said, I'll be right there. Where at? And it was actually about a block from where his dad, where the Sowers family grew up. I thought, OK, I'll be right there. When I went, he didn't tell me this part of the story. When I went, it was on its top in the middle of 775. He hadn't had it very long, and he just went to sleep at the wheel. But I wanted him to know that he could call me first. Your kids need to understand that they can talk to you about anything. They can talk to you about bad grades. They can talk to you about a problem at school. They can talk to you about bullying. They can talk to you about alcoholism. They can talk to you about drugs. They can talk to you about sex. They can talk to you about a pregnancy. Because who else is better to talk about those things than a parent? But when you are so hard that they don't feel that they have the opportunity to talk to you, then that's a problem. That's a problem. And I can tell you my model of train and discipline sometimes was a problem. It's a problem. But they need to know that you're there. They need to know that they can talk to you no matter what the issue, no matter what the age. My daughter lives in Minnesota. She was here this week and now she's gone. But you want to know who she calls when she's got a problem at work? When there's an issue? She calls dad. Why? Because she knows I'll listen. I may not have all the right answer. I may not have the answer she wants. But she'll call. No matter what the age, no matter what the issue, questions about life should be directed to a parent. And decisions and independence in a child's life ought to be let out like a fishing line. Because if you're not allowing them to be independent and make decisions for themselves, how are they going to face life whenever they turn 18 or 19 years old and are supposed to be on their own? Because I do believe in the Cosby rule, they are to leave and not come back. The fact of the matter is, you've got to let them make decisions. You've got to allow them to have independence. You've got to teach them to manage money. You've got to teach them what life is really all about. And then last but not least, the last thing I've learned, especially in this day and age, and please believe me, this is not a knock against anyone in this room, against any parent, against any family member or any particular instance. But boys should be trained to become masculine and girls should be trained to become feminine. Boys need to be led to become men and fathers and girls need to be led to become ladies and mothers. I could go a whole lot deeper to this, but there is no need for me to tell you that the plight of our country with what is happening with same-sex marriage and homosexuality and with the transgender restrooms is in direct disobedience to the principles of this book that I hold in my hand. And before you get mad and stomp out I hurt for the parents of those 49 people. You hurt for those kids. And Christian people have got to be sympathetic and compassionate and conciliatory during those times. I praise Chick-fil-A for what they did. But I also believe at the very core of those issues is divorce. I believe at the very core of the issue are broken homes. I believe at the very core are children with one parent, dad or mother. Deadbeat dads that are not around to help raise, I believe, is part of the problem of not providing for their children or being there during a time when a kid needs someone to love them and just to be there and listen. Grandparents are a problem having to raise their own children because their parents are deceased from drug overdoses. If we don't get back to the model and establish our homes by the model that God intended, our children are fighting an uphill battle. And they're going to see an America that you and I did not grow up in. They're going to experience a country that we did not grow up in. Our families, whether in church or out of church, believed in God's model of a home where moms and dads raised their kids. And little boys were taught to be men, and little girls were taught to be ladies. And let me also say before I move on, if you are a single parent, God bless you, I was raised in a single parent home. I had a mother that tried to be a dad and a mother to us. I understand the struggle is real in raising your kids. I understand that marriage is tough. But you and I both know there is a better way. Folks, we've got to stand against sin. But we've got to love the center. And please understand if you are gay or lesbian or transgender setting here this morning, or if you have a family member or friends that are gay or lesbian or transgender, you and them are welcome here in this church. You're welcome. But please also understand acceptance is not approval of a lifestyle and you being welcome here is not an approval of a lifestyle that is in direct contradiction to what this book teaches. We'll love you and we'll love your kids and we'll love those individuals. But it will not lead to compromise of God's word. It will not lead to compromise of God's principles. That is what's wrong with denominations of compromising the word of God. And allowing and teaching something that is in contrary to this book, the principles of this book. We have to stand against sin. But in the same sentence, we have to love that sinner with open arms, no matter what the sin, because their sin is no different than your sin. And their sin is no different than drugs or alcoholism or lying or gossip or cheating or stealing. It's sin before God. And we're going to love those people no matter what. Andy Stanley tells a story of, and they're in Atlanta, Georgia, and in front of their church they were having a gay pride march. And there were churches on a Sunday afternoon that were out on the lawn with signs of hatred and literally putting all this stuff out. And he said, we decided with our church to get cases of water in the middle of the summertime and put it in coolers. And as they were walking down the street to hand them bottles of water. and tell them that God loved them. We can deal with those situations many different ways, but we cannot forget that they're still creations of God. Please notice in all of that discussion that they are people that are going to spend eternity somewhere. And it gets quiet when I talk along the subject matter. But the fact of the matter is, there's a parent somewhere that loves the child. There's a family somewhere that cares. And there's a God somewhere that sent a son to die for them. And what they really need is the truth of the gospel, not our criticism and our hurt. No boys need to be taught to be men. And no girls need to be taught to be feminine. And they need to be loved. And they need a parent that is there You'll notice in that verse that we read a little while ago, and it's a direct command to dads. It says, and you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training or the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. Teach your kids biblical principles. Spend some time reading the book of Proverbs, if you want to learn how to raise your kids, or the book of Psalms. We've got to get back to the principles of God's Word, because in that verse, it's a direct command to fathers. Fathers. We cannot shirk our responsibility by placing it on the mom. We can't. Train up a child, not I, but Christ, in parenting. Let me close by saying this. Please understand this is no way a comprehensive attempt to teach child rearing or parenting. It was simply and is simply a few meditations from a dad who's still trying to get it right. I made some huge mistakes. And I still make mistakes. I'm not perfect. If you don't believe me, ask my kids and my wife, they'll tell you immediately. But what I will tell you is, is you can't replace being a dad with stuff. You can't replace loving with discipline. You can't replace training with a school or a Sunday school teacher. It's something you've got to do on your own. We can be a help, but we can't be the fix. And you can't, you can't replace eyeball to eyeball contact, spending time with your kids, with letting them run the neighborhoods and be at the neighbor's house and spend all their time somewhere else because you won't take time to spend time with them. You can't do it. Because what happens in that void of love and training, what happens in that void of us caring is what we're seeing take place in our country today. We've broke from the biblical model of moms and dads training up their child in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.