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Please take your Bibles with
me and turn to Malachi chapter 4, the last book of the Old Testament,
Malachi chapter 4. I'll read only verses 5 and 6
of Malachi 4. Behold, I am going to send you
Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and terrible
day of the Lord. And He will restore the hearts
of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children
to their fathers, lest I come and smite the land with a curse."
Let's pray together. Our Heavenly Father, we think
of earthly fathers who don't withhold good things from their
children when they ask. And so we ask you, O gracious
and merciful, long-suffering, slow to anger, full of mercy
Father, that you would give to us the medicine that our fevered
souls need. We live in a world full of immoral
germs, and we ask that you would make us healthy, by spending
time in your house this hour. We pray it in Jesus' name. Amen. I read this week of a study done
on the life patterns of fathers. Many fathers were asked, how
much time do you spend interacting with your children each day?
And their responses testified to an average of, oh, 15, maybe
20 minutes of child word communication each day. And then when these
same fathers who gave this response were microphoned and taped, the
study revealed that these same fathers actually related verbally
to their children on an average of 37 seconds. per day. Now, to be sure, our
modern American society is savagely scourged by the plague of the
absent father, right? The absent father due to illegitimate
births, due to divorces, and then the single-parent homes.
That's a scourge. But certainly as troubling Though
more socially acceptable is the trend, not of the absent father,
but what could be called the phantom father. By this I mean
the father who is physically present, but practically speaking,
he's a substance-less apparition. He is a non-influential ghost. in his household, barely a shadow
of what a true father ought to be in the home. Our nation, our
society, suffers from the plague of phantom fatherhood. Now, by way of an extended introduction
for a few moments, I want us to consider this shameful plague
of phantom fatherhood. Men who are physically present,
but practically speaking, paternally absent. First let me give, by
way of introduction, a snapshot, then I want to give a sketch.
A snapshot of phantom fatherhood. It comes by way of the pen of
a woman who wrote a letter describing her plight in her household. It goes this way, and I quote,
The kids are in bed. There's nothing on TV tonight. I ask my husband if he minds
if I turn the tube off and he grunts. As I walk to the set,
my mind is racing. Maybe, just maybe, tonight we'll
talk. I mean, have a conversation that
consists of more than my usual question with His mumbled one
word answer. Or, more accurately, no answer
at all. Silence. I live in a world with
continuous noise, but between Him and myself, silence. Please, O God, let Him open up
tonight I initiate once again for the thousandth time. My heart
pounds. Oh, how can I word it this time? What can I say that will open
the door to his heart so he'll just talk? I don't have to have
a deep, meaningful conversation. Just something. As I open my
mouth, he gets up and goes to the bedroom. The door closes
behind him. The light showing under the door. gives way to darkness. And so
does my hope. I sit alone on the couch. My
heart begins to ache. I'm tired of being alone. Hey, I'm married. I have been
for years. Why do I sit alone? The sadness
undergoes a change slowly. Then, with increased fervor,
I get mad. I am mad. I am sick and tired
of living with a sissy, a wimp, a coward. Hostile, you say? You'd better believe it. I'm
sick and tired of living in a world of passive men." She's describing
phantom fatherhood, which is a plague in our nation today. She goes on. My two sons like
sports. They're pretty good. They could
be a lot better if their dad would take a little of his precious
time and play catch with them. I'm sorry. Catch once a year
at the church picnic doesn't quite make the boys into great
ball players. But dad's too busy. Dad's at
work. Or he's at the health club. Or
he's riding his four-wheeler. or he's working on the car, or
he's playing golf, or he's tired, or he's watching a video movie.
So who plays catch with the boys? Me. My husband then says, you
shouldn't be playing sports like a man. So, who's going to do
it? He says he will, but he doesn't.
Remember, he's too busy satisfying himself doing what he likes. So my poor sons have to be second
rate in sports. They could have been good, real
good. And yeah, I'm mad. And my daughter, she's a teenager. She likes boys. And they notice
her. They pay attention to her. And
she responds, I know what's coming. I try to talk to her, but it's
not me she wants, it's Dad. Yeah, Dad. If he'd just hug her,
if he'd just notice her, if he'd just talk to her, just a little,
she wouldn't need those boys so much. But no, so she turns
elsewhere for attention and love, and there's nothing I can do.
A mom isn't enough. Kids need a father, not just
a warm body, a passive, silent presence. Kids need a real father. Not like the plague of phantom
fatherhood in our day. Now, I trust that this is not
a letter that was penned or could have been penned by a woman here
in this congregation?" Or maybe I ask, is it your wife who penned
this? I don't think so. But ladies,
if this is a description of your husband, please, I want to know
about it. And other men in this church
want to know about it, so this issue can be dealt with. Although
I speak this way, I am hopeful of better things in our case.
It is oftentimes a wholesome thing and a constructive exercise
to survey the scene of dereliction. Because when we view dereliction,
it reminds us. The writer of Proverbs in Proverbs
24 describes to us the man, the sluggard, whose field is broken
down, overgrown with thorns and thistles, the wall is crumbling,
and the Writer of Proverbs says, I, he was probably a very diligent
man himself, but I pondered myself, a little sleep, a little slumber,
a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty comes on
you like a bandit and scarcity like an armed man. In my describing
this broken down wall of a phantom father, can't many of us say,
you know what, for me, all it would take is a little sleep,
a little slumber, a little permitting of the fleshy wilderness to grow
in my heart and I would be the same guy producing the crack
of light and darkness at the bottom of the door in my wife's
and my children's life too. It's a good thing for us to ponder
this plague of phantom fatherhood. So that is just a bit of a snapshot
regarding phantom fatherhood by way of introduction. But I
promised two things by way of introduction. I've been given
a snapshot. Now, let me just give a sketch, a sketch, a thumbnail
sketch by way of historical background. How do we get to this point where
phantom fatherhood is at epidemic proportions in our day? Well,
let's go back to the typical Christian colonial That is when
the settlers first came, man, in America centuries ago. He came across basically the
God-fearing man. He would work his field. He would
nurture his family. His recreation would be debating
theology with the other fathers in the market square. But then,
after the colonial world came the Industrial Revolution, and
men left the family and the farm for the factory. And left behind him sons, the
greatest concern, and daughters. The greatest concern would be
sons in the hands exclusively of mothers, and eventually a
female-dominated school system. Sociologist Lawrence Fuchs says,
by the 20th century then, socially and morally, it became acceptable
for men not to be involved any longer with their families. They had a life elsewhere. Men
became, generally speaking, aloof in many quarters of our society.
Male abdication in the home with the children brought about female
ascension to fill the vacuum. Women then took hold in many
ways of the societal reins, held them tightly because men had
let go. Women began to campaign for social
reform and, if you know American history, One of the pet projects
became the reformation of derelict husbands who, instead of being
in the home, would be off at work. But when the work hours
were done, instead of coming to the home, they would go to
the bars. And they weren't debating theology
in the bars. And thus arose the Women's Christian
Temperance Union. attempting to bring about sobriety
to the male gender. This then eventually morphed
into feminism, as men continued their abdication. And feminism
generated a disdain for male authority. They called it chauvinism. And much of the feminist literature
would say that traditional marriage is, and I quote now from the
document of feministic literature, Traditional marriage is legally
sanctioned a method of abusively controlling women. And if you
want a modern manifestation of that, just read or go to, I don't
necessarily recommend either, the Da Vinci Code, or you will
find the very subtle insinuation that Mary Magdalene was really
appointed as the head of the church, the Pope, if you will,
But chauvinistic men subjugated Mary Magdalene so that men might
be those who are leading in the church of the Lord Jesus Christ. As we go on in history, unprincipled
men now in our generation have been cowed into being passive
nice guys, brainwashed by the notion that the word authority
is a naughty word, that male headship is inherently abusive,
and that aggressive leadership is downright rude. And so, women,
in many ways in our society, finally have what the feminists
told them they wanted. And they're heart sick, because
they sit late at night on sofas, viewing the light at the bottom
of the door going out, and they realize they don't have a true
man, they don't have a true husband, they don't have a true father
in the house, but they have a phantom, a mere shell of what he ought
to be. So by way of introduction, there
is the snapshot and the sketch regarding phantom fatherhood.
Now, my desire is, because of this epidemic of phantom fatherhood
in our generation, the virus is in the air and frankly we
all breathe it in, my desire is to bring some Father's Day
medicine. And this is not the sugar water
that can be found in so many places. I could bring you sugar
water I could bring you the saccharine sweet stuff as I was looking
around and trying to find some fresh material regarding Father's
Day. Beloved, I find literature and
writings and information that basically call upon dads to be
soft and sweet and cuddly. Basically, a mom with stubble
on the face. That's what I'm finding. But
I desire to bring some true biblical medicine, and my desire is to
use the three persons of the Trinity, Father, Son, and Holy
Spirit. as the three key ingredients
to the Father's Day medicine. We're going to focus on the Trinity,
three main headings. I realize you say, oh, come on,
Pastor Chansky, this is Father's Day. We don't want to focus in
upon the doctrine of theology and the Trinity. Let me just
give you a comment by a man named Weldon Hardenbrook. He talks
to men as he's trying to encourage them. He says, I know I'm getting
theological, but men are going to have to get theological. Something
their passive minds don't natively want to do to come back to the
truth of manhood. Theology, remember, is a manly
discipline. What do we think Adam was doing
in the garden when he taught with his heavenly Father in the
cool of the day. They talked theology. Adam sought
to think God's thoughts after his heavenly Father. Is it not
in the colonial marketplace that men, maybe when they were really
men, they talked about and they discussed theology. Isn't it appropriate on this
Lord's Day, on this Father's Day? to straighten ourselves
out, to talk some theology. Hardenbrick goes on. He says,
when men forsake the discipline of thinking theologically, they
surrender their families to the serpent's influence. And you
think back to the Garden of Eden and the first Adam who didn't
want to think his father's thoughts after him. making himself open
to the insinuations of the serpent. Hardenbrook goes on to say, so,
rather than just being comfortable and unscholarly, men need to
think even if it hurts. So, we come to the house of God
and we need to gird up the loins of our minds. We need to, as
the apostle says in 1 Corinthians 16, to be fathers. We need to
quit ourselves. We need to act as men. So, for the medicine, come with
me to three main ingredients for Father's Day medicine. The
first is, imitate the fatherhood of God. I want to talk about
the Father, then the Son, and the Spirit. Most of our time
I'll be with the Father. Imitate the fatherhood of God. One commentator said about this
theme, decades we've seen rush through
our nation the Jesus movement. Some benefits came from that
in some ways. Then rushing through our society
was the Holy Spirit movement. And there were some benefits
in some ways. But he pleads, how about a God the Father movement? rushing through our society,
through our churches. Many benefits would redound. Consider then, imitate the fatherhood
of the Father. Seven traits. First of all, for
to be fathers, we have to have a model. And ultimately, it is
our Heavenly Father. The first trait is, He diligently
labors. He diligently labors. Genesis 1. We find that our Heavenly
Father, what's He like? Let's watch Him in His activities.
What does the Father look like? Well, in Genesis 1 we find that
He takes in hand the formless and void heavens and the earth.
It's a mess, you could say. It's a void wilderness in some
senses. We find He designs a plan. Then in six days, He executes
that plan. What does He do on the environment
of the world? He imposes His will upon it very
aggressively. We find it says in Exodus 20
and verse 9 regarding the Sabbath commandment, six days you shall
labor and do all your work. Well, who are we imitating there?
It says, for in six days the Lord God made the heavens and
the earth. We are to be laboring individuals. Dads, fathers, our sons, our
daughters need to see that. We're not to be sofa-sitting
slugs. We are to be foresightful and
aggressive men of vocational dominion. And when our sons leave
our homes and they have this image in their mind of what a
father is, he's one who diligently labors. Back in the 1940s, a
soldier, a sailor actually, was spied in Albany, New York, by
a man. And the man asked this soldier,
what time is it? The soldier pulled out a huge
watch from his pocket, and the soldier said, the sailor, it's
7.20 AM. And the man knew it was a little
after 9 AM. And he said, your clock isn't
right. The sailor said, I know, I'm
still on mountain time. You see, I'm from South Utah. Paul gave me his watch. He said
it had helped me remember home. And so when it says 5.30 a.m.,
I know Dad is rolling out to milk the cows. And when it says
7.30 a.m., I know the whole family is round the table, and Dad's
thanking God for what's on the table, and he's asking God to
watch over me who's away from the table. You see, the boy is
away, and he has an impression in his mind of what a dad is,
of what a father ought to be. But meditating on the Scriptures
and our Heavenly Father, we get a clue of what we ought to be
as earthly fathers, forsightful and aggressive men, giving ourselves
to vocational dominion, giving ourselves to planning things
and executing plans. It's at the home of a man in
our church this week. I find it very beneficial to
be socializing with and engaging in pastoral visits amidst and
just having iron sharpening, iron contact with men in our
church. A great blessing. This father
was talking about to-do lists. teaching his kids to deal with
these instead of merely aimlessly wandering throughout their days. Maybe how about six things to
do if you're going to be like the Heavenly Father? Six things
to do and go after them on a daily basis, premeditatedly driving
to accomplish tasks. In fact, there was a new flagpole
put up at this father's house. And he told me how, yeah, I took
one of my sons and we poured the concrete into the ground
and we had to get the PVC pipe in there so it was perfectly
level and so that it's strong enough so that when the wind
hits the flag, it doesn't knock the whole thing over. What a
blessed thing when children are able to see their fathers telling
them how to engage in productive projects. Just like the heavenly
Father came and spoke to Adam, son and Eve his daughter in the
beginning. He said, look, I want you to
be fruitful, I want you to multiply, fill the earth, subdue it, rule
over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the sky, over every
living thing that moves upon the earth. That's what a father
does to his sons and to his daughters. He gives them direction and he
helps them follow it through. He even says there, that the
Lord God put the man in the garden so that he might cultivate it
in Genesis 2.15. So, we want to be able to be
fathers who are like God. First, He diligently labors.
Second, He abundantly provides. Our Heavenly Father abundantly
provides. It says in Genesis 1.28, God
says, Behold, I have given you every seed-bearing plant. I have
given you fruit trees for food. You see how God provides, Heavenly
Father provides for His children. Psalm 104 and verse 28 says that
the Heavenly Father opens His hands and satisfies the need
of every living thing, those things He has inspired with life.
We have inspired our children with life. We are fathers in
our households. Though this may be a given, certainly
in our generation, it's something that is rarely understood. Dads,
fathers, husbands, We have a solemn duty in our families as, listen
to me, the breadwinner and the provider in our families. We are the ones who are to bring
home the bacon. We are to come home with our
hands filled, like a heavenly Father, to satisfy the needs
of those in our household. Fathers, husbands, Men, this
is our holy responsibility and we ought to experience great
conscience pressure. It's not my wife. I know the
dual income thing is so common today. Beloved, the dual income
thing where men depend upon their wives to bring home the bacon
and the bread to support the family is an ungodly habit in
our society today. A man must say, I must find a
way to put food on the table. So help me God to put a roof
over my beloved's head, to find clothing for their backs. This is a real contrast to the
contemporary playboy who needs so much of his own income and
the family's funds to provide him for his recreational activity
and his toys. You ever see the man in West
Michigan here? He's got to have his $30,000
muscle truck. He's got to have it. And therefore,
when you ask about budget issues, my wife has to go off and work
because we have certain expenses that we have to pay. What about
your little toddler child? Well, we leave them off at what
one person recently said, at the village kennel, so that we
can go off and pay off all of the expenses that we have to
support our lifestyle. That, men and fathers, is not
acting like the Heavenly Father, who is one who abundantly provides. Thirdly, He wisely commands. What should we be like as fathers?
Look to the Heavenly Father. He wisely commands. Now I'm aware,
beloved, that today it is not hip to be, in fact there's a
phrase now, a command leader. It's okay to be a suggesting
leader. It's okay to be a tender leader. You cannot be a command leader
in our day because this smacks of authority. An authority of
any kind harms relationships. But notice, if you're still there
in Genesis, Genesis 2.16, look what it says there. Our Heavenly
Father, it says, and the Lord God commanded His son Adam, commanded
the man saying, from any tree of the garden you may eat freely,
but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not
eat." Look what he does. He authoritatively, as a father,
prohibits his son from accessing the tree of life, the tree of
the knowledge of good and evil. Dads, moms can listen in too. It is early and fundamental that
we must start this principle of our being command fathers. who actually display a sense
of authority over our children. Even, it's interesting how the
first issue was with the mouth and what would be eaten, what
fruit would be put in the mouth. It starts, dads, moms, at the
high chair. These peas you are to eat. and though you may want to drink
Coca-Cola on tap, it's not going to happen. We will determine,
it's very fundamental, what you do put in your mouth and what
you do not put in your mouth. This is very basic, isn't it? And we need to be willing to
establish ourselves on the basis of a godly relationship. The
Heavenly Father, He gave ten commandments And 9 of the 10
are actually negative. I know we're told by the sociologists
and the psychologists we're never to speak in the negative. Don't
prohibit things of your children. No one ever told that to the
Heavenly Father. Our Heavenly Father who is bold
to say, you shall and you shall not. So just think with me. We need to make sure that we
are being men who are willing to command for the good of our
children and even forbid things that are dangerous for them.
You will not watch that television show in this house. You will
not, young lady, engage in some kind of mid-teen adolescent romance. I know everybody else does it.
It's not going to happen. You know what everybody else
is doing? A dad may say, it's not going to happen in this house. Young lady, you are not going
to dress that way. Now, I know that there are many
fathers who are afraid to confront their daughters about such things. But beloved, if we are to be
like the Heavenly Father, we need to wisely command. Just look a little ahead in Genesis
chapter 18, and notice what it says here in verse 19. one of
the first earthly fathers of whom we get a close profile,
the Lord says, For I have chosen him, Abraham, in order that he
may command his children and his household after him to keep
the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice. Fathers,
we need to do commanding. And do not be cowed by a world
that would villainize you if you seek to have a command influence
in the lives of your children. Fourthly, regarding the fatherhood
of the father, he's a principled disciplinarian. He's a principled
disciplinarian. When a wise father and a godly
father issues a command and an accompanying threat, he needs
to be like his heavenly father who delivers. The Heavenly Father
says, you are not to eat from the fruit of this tree, for if
you do, what's the threat? You will surely die. Now, it
says in Ephesians 6, do not be deceived, God will not be mocked.
But how sadly many of us are mocked because we issue a command
and there may be an implied or a spoken threat And there's not
a consistent delivering of the discipline. Fundamentally here,
moms and dads, never issue a commandment to your children. Never issue
a commandment to your children that you are not willing to follow
through to full compliance. Very fundamental. Never issue
a command to your children that you're not willing to follow
through to full compliance. They need to honor their father
and mother. The word honor in the Hebrew
means take heavy. When you speak a word to them,
it must influence them in the direction that you have spoken.
Your words must be weighted like sandbags by discipline that backs
it up. Don't permit them to be like
feathers by being inconsistent, practically speaking. The child
is sitting at the kitchen counter and he or she is kicking against
the wooden panel that is in front of the stool. Can you relate
to that? That's a noise that's going on. And you say, Tommy
or Sally, don't kick the wood panel. A child knows exactly
what's going on, but he keeps kicking. Don't kick. The way
he keeps kicking and Dad walks out of the room. This happens
all the time. Mom walks out of the room. It's so difficult,
Mom, isn't it? Throughout the day, to be consistent. It's easy
to let your words be treated like feathers. You may say, I
don't have time. I don't have time to weight my
every word. Dear Mother, dear Father, we
don't have time not to weight our words. You go traveling,
you go into an airport, and you find the product of fathers who've
permitted their children to disregard their words. The father's trying
to run to catch a plane. Come on, Tommy! Come on, Tommy!
Oh, he's standing there purposefully, staring at the little book display,
and Tommy knows that his daddy wants him to go, but Tommy has
been trained to disregard daddy's words, and daddy is shamed publicly.
Parents, we need to weight our words. Now, all of us are sitting
here saying guilty. Who of us can sit here and say
that when we may be embarrassed publicly, we've all been embarrassed
publicly, haven't we? That we should encourage one
another. You know, I've gone through this too, and I've struggled
with this matter myself. But beloved, we need to realize
that we need to get back to the basics. If our children, when
they're older, have problems with working with complex fractions,
and they realize that they don't even understand their timetables
yet, we've got to go right back to the basics, don't we? We don't
have time not to go back to the basics and relearn the timetables. And so, we need to be principled
disciplinarians, like is our Heavenly Father. It says there
in Hebrews chapter 12, and there in verse 5 and following, "...My
son, do not lightly regard the discipline of the Lord, nor faint
when you are reproved by Him. For those whom the Lord disciplines,
those whom He loves, the Lord disciplines and He scourges every
son whom He receives." It goes on to say, Furthermore, we had
earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall
we not rather be subject to the father of spirits and live? Verse 11, all discipline for
the moment seems not to be joyful but sorrowful. Another translation,
painful. And so we need to at times inflict
the painful discipline of a heavenly father. This week I received
a letter dated June 15. I don't even know this man. I don't know how this man knows
me. But he wrote this way. Here are his words. Dear Pastor
Chansky, I'm 42 years old. He gave me some historical background.
My boys are 13 and 15. And they have absolutely no discipline
in their lives. The 13-year-old refuses to direct
requests to perform certain tasks that, to both his mother and
me, are not unreasonable. He is extremely discourteous
to his mother and contemptuous toward me. Last week, for instance,
he cursed his mother. The older boy was recently arrested
for drunken driving and he doesn't even yet have a driver's license
or a learning permit. Remember, he's 15. The authorities,
however, dismiss the case with a warning. Any thoughts or suggestions,
Pastor Chansky, you might have for me would be greatly appreciated."
What would you have written to that man? I came across this
account. I read it a few years ago. It
bears rereading. A man writes, probably almost
a century ago, his account as a father. One night after my
15-year-old boy had been sent home for insubordination to college
authority, that's why I say decades ago, a 15-year-old in college,
this is the second time that night I slept but little. The
next morning after breakfast, I cut a good switch and rehearsed
to my boy his course of disobedience. I said to him to take off his
coat. He replied, I won't do it. I looked at him in the face
and said, My boy, I am your father, you are my son. And I promised
God Almighty on my knees last night that I would control you
and I will whip you here this morning or you and I will die
in this woodland. Take off your coat, sir. He saw
in my eyes for the first time in his life the spirit of authority. He drew his coat off in a moment,
and I gave a sound thrashing, at the conclusion of which I
said, Now kneel down with me. We knelt down together, and I
told God of my neglect, and of my boy's sinful conduct, and
promised God that in the hearing of my boy to be faithful to my
duty the remainder of my life, and prayed God's blessings on
my wayward child. When we arose, He put his arm
around my neck, and his head was in my bosom, and we wept
together for a long time. Then he looked up and said, Father,
I will never give you a moment's more trouble. And from that day
to this, I have never had a care about him. He has been the most
obedient son a father ever had. He's married now, an official
in the church, and no truer, nobler Christian man walks the
earth than my precious son." What? What? He confronted a 15-year-old
boy like that? That's cruel. That's abusive. The Word of the Heavenly Father
says in Proverbs 13, He who spares the rod hates his son. He who
loves him is careful to discipline him. I'm not saying that starting
with The rod at age 15 is the way to go and to do it. But beloved,
we need to be principled. We need to start early and be
wise in our imaging our Heavenly Fathers being a principled disciplinarian. Fifthly, fifthly about our Heavenly
Father, He's compassionately patient. He's compassionately
patient. Turn with me to Psalm 103. We've
been meditating on this in past weeks. The Lord is compassionate
and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in loving kindness.
We meditated on this recently. He will not always strive with
us or chide us. This means He's not quick to
make a complaint. He overlooks weaknesses, it goes
on, Psalm 103 and verse 13, just as a father has compassion on
his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear
Him. He Himself knows our frame. He is mindful that we are but
dust. You know, when a father has the
foundation of being a principled disciplinarian, from that foundation
and upon that, he can build tender compassion. Without the foundation,
tenderness means nothing at all except something that a child
will pity. A father who is principled and
actually would take the rod to his child is able at a given
point in time when the child is standing with his hands on
the bed ready for the blow, the father can occasionally take
the rod and strike the bed hard seven times and say, you this
time get mercy. You know what? That word means
something. Compassion means something to
a child who knows of discipline and justice. And we need to be
compassionately patient and to display that to our children.
You know, there are some men who struggle with being the phantom
wimp of a father. But there are other men who struggle
on the other side being the tyrant of a father. We need to use our
Heavenly Father as our model. Consider this account that is
given by a father. He writes this little letter
at night to his son. He says, Little son, I'm saying
this to you as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under
your cheek and the blonde curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room
alone. Just a few minutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in
the library, a hot stifling wave of remorse swept over me. I could
not resist, so guiltily I have come to your bedside. These were
the things I was thinking, son. I have been cross to you. I scolded
you as you were dressing for school because you gave your
face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning
your shoes. I called angrily when I found
you had thrown some of your things on the floor at breakfast. I
found fault too. You spilled things. You gulped
down your food. You put your elbows on the table.
You spread butter too thick on your bread. And as you started
off to play and I made my train, you turned and waved a little
hand and called, Goodbye Daddy! And I frowned and said in reply,
Hold your shoulders back there, boy. And it began all over again
when I returned late in the afternoon. As I came up the hill, I spied
you down on your knees playing marbles, and there were holes
in your stockings. I humiliated you before your
little boy friends by making you march ahead of me back to
the house. Stockings were expensive, and
if you had to buy them, you'd be more careful. Imagine that,
son, from a father. It was so stupid of me. Do you
remember later when I was reading in the library and how you came
in softly and timidly with a sort of a hurt, hunted down look in
your eyes? And when I glanced upon you over
my paper, impatient at your interruption, you hesitated at the door and
I said, what is it you want? I snapped. You said nothing,
but you ran across, and in one tempestuous plunge, you threw
yourself into my arms and around my neck, and you kissed me again
and again, and your small arms tightened with an affection that
God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect
could not wither. When you were gone, pattering
up the stairs, I had a deep guilt in my heart. Now I have come
to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt down here. I'm
choking with emotion. I'm so ashamed of yourself, and
I have prayed to God to strengthen me with new resolution." You
see, we need to be fathers who are compassionately patient,
like our Heavenly Father is, who does not always strive or
chide. And sadly, this is a crime that
overly aggressive fathers commit against big boys as well as little
boys, and commit against little girls and big girls as well.
We need to be like our Heavenly Father. He is compassionately
patient. Sixthly, He verbally instructs. He verbally instructs. We want
to be like our Heavenly Father. So we go to Genesis chapter 1,
and we find He's talking. The Heavenly Father talks to
Adam, His son, and Eve, His daughter. Be fruitful, multiply, fill the
earth, rule it, subdue it. He instructs them in gardening.
He's even involved in finding a mate. He's involved in matchmaking. They're big. Oh, the Father is
still present there. He also confronts them regarding
forbidden fruit. Even after Outside the garden
there is a good heavenly Father confronting Cain. Cain is talking
to him. He knows his son, Rehoboam. Sin
is crouching at your door. Do you ever confront your sons?
Do you ever confront your... Honey, sin is crouching at your
door. It desires to have you, but you
must master it. Communicating. Talking. Noah is told how to build an
ark and how to sacrifice. Abraham is told to leave his
present land. He's told about the stars in
the sky and righteousness. Israel, the nation of God, is
given commandments, a blueprint for the tabernacle. They're given
the Pentateuch, the first five books of the Bible. Then come
the prophets. What are they doing? They're
always talking. They're always giving the critique
of the Father on national life, and then the Father's Word becomes
flesh and dwells amongst, and then He leaves behind the written
Word of God. You see, a heavenly Father, a
godly Father, verbally instructs, doesn't just merely grunt out
an occasional word or phrase. Peter the child, whose father
dispenses words with an eyedropper. Just drop by drop. Man, we should
be like a gushing garden hose. And we ought to be drenched.
Whenever we talk to our kids, they get drenched with their dad's words. You think of Proverbs chapter
4. Hear, my sons, the instruction
of a father. My sons, give attention that
you may gain understanding, for I give you sound teaching. Do
not abandon my instruction. When I was a son to my father,
tender, the only son in the sight of my mother, then He taught
me. He said to me, let your heart
hold fast to My words. Keep My commandments and live.
Acquire wisdom, My son. Acquire understanding. Don't
forget nor turn away from the words of My mouth. Fathers, if
we're to be godly fathers, we need to be talkers. Children
leave our house, they ought to be able to say, my dad has an
opinion and a conviction about almost every topic you can imagine. I know what my dad would say
about this. I know what my dad would say about that. And lo
and behold, you know what even comes out of their mouth, just
naturally, what a dad. There's one boy, a man in here,
I just looked at him, my eyes caught him. His dad was a fountain of speech
and the boy is a junior host. Same, his dad. I hear his dad
in his voice. It's a glorious thing. It's a
wonderful thing. We need to be verbally instructing
our children like a godly father. So that then is the Heavenly
Father. We will stop there with the Father. I want to get to
the Son with the time we have available. So we need to imitate
the fatherhood of the Father. Secondly, by way of medicine,
as we move down the Trinity, and I said most of our time wouldn't
be spent with the Father, we need to meditate on the fatherhood
of the Son. Meditate on the fatherhood of
the Son. You say, now wait a minute, Pastor
Chansky, that's an oxymoron. That doesn't match. Fatherhood
of the Son? I mean, Jesus is our brother.
He's not our Father. Well, wait a minute. The Scriptures
do designate Jesus as a Father in some ways. You think of Isaiah
9, 6, Unto us a child is born, unto us a Son is given. About
whom is that speaking? Oh, Jesus' Son. Unto us a child
is born, unto us a Son is given, and He shall be called Wonderful
Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Jesus is profoundly a father
and specifically you consider how Adam is designated as the
head or father of the human race and Jesus is designated as the
head or father of the elect church. 1 Corinthians 15-22, in Adam,
our Father, all die. In Christ, who is the second
and the last Adam, all are made alive. Profoundly, Christ is
the Father of the people of the church of the Lord Jesus Christ. How did Jesus in that sense father
the church? There He was. He came to be the
Father, the representative head of the elect of God's people.
I think we find in capsule form, Mark 10.45, the Son of Man did
not come to be served, but to serve and to give His life as
a ransom for many. What does a father of a people
do? A father of a family do? He comes
and He lives and He sacrifices Himself. His priority is not
His relaxation. It is not His Recreation? It is not his vacation. His priority is caring for the
needs of those who are relying upon him. Our first father, Adam, selfishly
caved in to his own lusts. That's in essence what Adam,
our first father, did. But our second Father, the Lord
Jesus, heroically crucified His own lusts, and He laid down His
life for those who were relying upon Him. For what was Jesus
living? If He would have interviewed
them, He would have said, If we could have interviewed Jesus
on the cross, why are you hanging there? You are the Son of God. You can summon forth twelve legions
of angels in a moment. You are the omnipotent God. You
yourself can leap down from the cross at any moment. And you
can sweep all those head-wagging scoffers into hell. Why don't
you do it? His answer? For them. For them. I am their father. He thinks in his mind's eye.
You know, we can sometimes sit in our office or be off on a
trip and we can see little pictures of them in our wallet, or them
in a little portrait that's been given to us. The Lord Jesus Christ
on the cross, flashing before his mind's eye. I'm going to
give a bill, and for John, and for them. A heavenly father in
Christ, for them he lived. He considered others more highly
than himself, for them he lived, submitting even to death on a
cross." That's how we need to live as fathers, for them. Some of you see that, one of
the reasonably good movies that have come out, Cinderella Man. Have you seen that movie? It's
a movie about a man named James Braddock. Decades ago, he was
a boxer in the time of the Depression. There's a poignant scene where
he's fighting because he has to provide money for his family. They're back at home and they're
hungry and they're starving. He's been knocked down onto the
canvas. There he is, down on the canvas.
And the coaches say to him, stay down! And his friends say to
him, stay down. He realizes if he stays down,
he can no longer get maybe a couple hundred bucks for his family
fighting. And as he stays down, they show
these flashes of one son off shuddering there in the home
that has no heat. And there's another picture of
a daughter who's starving and isn't able to eat. And you can
just see it in his mind. laying there and leisurely finishing
off for the night, he wants to be able to fight again, so he
stands up for them. He stands up. And he stands another
round for them. He actually went on to provide
greatly for his family because he was going to stand up. You
know, even now, it may be, fathers, you may say, man, this sermon
has been like a right cross to my jaw. You got me down on the
canvas for the count because you've hit me square with this.
Well, I will just say to you, get up and crucify your lusts
for them. Think of them. Think of that
daughter. Think of that son. Get up. Get up for them. You weren't any good laying in
your phantom father's stupor when you came in. Get up. Get up for them as you meditate
on the fatherhood of the Son who lived for others. And just lastly, lastly and basically
in closing, ask for the fatherhood of the Spirit. Ask for the fatherhood
of the Spirit. Father, Son and Spirit. I admit
that in preparing and delivering this message, I am ashamed of
myself because I myself fall so miserably short of what a
father ought to be. I see my own selfishness and
it sickens me. And I ask, how can my selfish
heart be changed that I might become a more God-like and Christ-like
father? And the answer, not by Mark's
might, not by Mark's power, but by the Spirit, says the Lord. And that's why when I think of
beginning, I began over at Malachi chapter 4 where it spoke of,
I will send to you the spirit of Elijah to turn the hearts
of the fathers back to the children. And then we need, we who have
such a coward's heart, we need a lion's heart. If we're down
in the canvas, we need to be infused with the lion of the
tribe of Judah to get up again and to be a true biblical father. And so we need to ask, Oh Lord,
I'm such a passive wimp in many ways. I'm such a coward. Lord,
give me a lion's heart this Father's Day so that I can get up and
do what I need. So I can be like that father
who stands there in the woodlands and comes to my son if the need
be and said, say, I have been derelict as a father in the past,
but now I'm going to be a true father to you. You know what? When we think of this asking
for the fatherhood of the Spirit, we just don't need the Spirit
Father to change our hearts. We need the Spirit to change
the hearts of our kids, because the back end of that statement
in Malachi is, I'm going to send Elijah the prophet and he will
restore the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts
of the children to their fathers. It's one thing for us to stand
in the woodlands and confront our son, but it's another thing
for our son to melt like that boy in the woodlands melted.
And that we cannot do. We need to ask the Holy Spirit
of God, yes, would You turn my heart to my children. But oh,
Spirit of God, come in power. Spirit of God, come in power.
You said Elijah would come. The greater the Elijahs come.
Lord Jesus, send Your Spirit so that my son's heart, my daughter's
heart would be turned to me so that I can turn them to you. May God enable us to enjoy a
true, not phantom fatherhood in our lives, but a true biblical,
godly, Christian fatherhood in our families. May God help it
to be so. Let's pray together. Our Heavenly Father, You've said
that if we ask for an egg, you won't give us a serpent. You've
said if we ask for bread, you won't give us a stone. So, Heavenly
Father, please turn our hearts to our children. And then, Heavenly
Father, please turn our children's hearts to us and ultimately to
You. We pray it in Jesus' name. Amen.
A Biblical Prescription for Phantom Fatherhood
Series Father's Day Sermons
| Sermon ID | 618060321 |
| Duration | 1:01:53 |
| Date | |
| Category | Sunday Service |
| Bible Text | Malachi 4:5-6 |
| Language | English |
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