The following reading is taken from the life of Edward Payson by Asa Cummings as a pastor. His concern for his flock is reversed in his temporal prospects and he is taken from his work by sickness. The wisdom of God shines with the most amiable luster in the institutions of religion. The intelligent and devout observer sees in them evident traces of a divine original. They were ordained by Him who knew what was in man, and recognized most advantageously the leading principles of human nature. They have multiplied the relations which subsist among men as social beings, and given the social qualities an incalculable value. They cement every tie which binds man to his fellow, and sweeten the enjoyments of every connection. They heighten all the endearments of domestic life, and are designed and adapted to bring all mankind into one harmonious and happy family. though they do not obliterate the distinctions of rank and office, especially that of the teacher, to instruct a head not to say to the foot, I have no need of you. In the Church of Christ, the most closely compacted and endearing brotherhood which exists on earth, a common fraternal affection is reciprocated by its members, an affection grown out of and continually cherished by their mutual dependents, their common wants, and the sameness of their relation to their Maker and Redeemer. In addition to this, there is in this blood-bought and sacred society the relation of a pastor to his flock, which swells the aggregate of benefit received, and of happiness and joy, in proportion to the numbers included in it. And when this relation is entered into from evangelical motives, and with the right spirit, the gushing forth of the affections is felt, which was never felt before. A wellspring is opened, which time cannot dry up, and which renders the pastor's labors in toil for the salvation of his charge, his choice, and his felicity. Edward Payson had already exhibited an interest in the welfare of souls and a desire for their salvation, so great as to seem almost incapable of increase. But as soon as a pastoral relation was consummated, he regarded those committed to its oversight with an appropriating and endearing love. which identified their interests and happiness with his own. The year of this diary is about 1807, December 17th. I was favored with freedom and assistance in writing and prayer, and felt a strong love for the people of my charge. In the evening, attended a meeting of those who were under spiritual concern and had some assistance. December 18th. Felt, in a sweet, dependent frame, and had liberty to cast myself and my parish upon God. December 19th. Awoke, twice, after a day of excessive fatigue, drenched in a profuse sweat, included that my time was short. December 20th. Sabbath. Extremely weak. Felt as if I could not preach. In the afternoon preached an occasional sermon and was wonderfully carried through. Blessed be God. December 21st. Had a sweet season in prayer. My soul felt strong in the Lord, and in the power of His might. I longed to spend and be spent in His service, and wondered at His astonishing goodness to such an unworthy wretch. Spent a whole day in visiting, with some profit and pleasure. In the evening talked to a number of people on the nature of religion. After returning found myself much exhausted. I felt convinced that I am in a consumption and may as well die as cease my exertions. His illness continued severe for several days so that he was directed by his physician to keep within. He enjoyed on the whole much quietness and resignation, but he says, I long to be abroad among my people. December 26, 10 days after his ordination, he expectorated blood and viewed it as his death warrant. but felt tolerably calm and resigned. Three days later, however, he is found preaching an evening lecture to calamities occasioned by the aggressions of foreign belligerents and by the restrictions imposed on commerce by our government. fell at his time with peculiar weight upon the inhabitants of Portland, Maine, the darkest season through which the United States has passed since their independence had now commenced. The distresses of the time are the subject of frequent allusions by Edward Payson in his diary. The stagnation of business, the failures among the principal merchants, the hundreds of citizens and seamen thrown out of employment, and left destitute of the means of subsistence. In the sufferings of the poor called forth largely his sympathy. To him the town seemed threatened with universal bankruptcy, and whether with good reason or not he considered the means of its own temporal support as cut off. But the tranquility of his mind was never more uniform. in at this calamitous season, and the object of his supreme desire and efforts was to turn the distresses of the people to their spiritual advantage, rightly judging that the walls of Jerusalem might be built in troublous times. A picture of these distresses as they appeared to him at the time is drawn in a letter to his parents dated December 28, 1807. When my father was here, he wrote, He observed that my prospects were almost too happy for this world. They were so often, it appears, for they are now as unfavorable, humanly speaking, as they were then flattering. The prospect of war has produced here such a scene of wretchedness as I have never before witnessed. A large number of the most wealthy merchants have already failed. and numbers more daily following, so that we are threatened with universal bankruptcy. Two failures alone have thrown at least 300 persons, besides sailors, out of employment. And you may hence conceive in some measure the distress which the whole number must occasion. The poor house is already full, and hundreds are yet to be provided for, who have depended on their own labor for daily bread. and who have neither the means of supporting themselves here nor of removing into the country. Many, who have been brought up in affluence, are now dependent on the cold courtesy of creditors for a protection from the inclemency of the season. These things, however, are but the beginning of sorrows. As soon as the news of these failures reach, every man there who has $100 owing to him in Portland will send down to secure it. And the general stagnation of business is such that a man who is possessed of $10,000 in real or personal estate may not be able to answer demand of $500. though it were to save him from ruin. If these times continue, nine-tenths of the people here will be scattered to the four whims. I have scarcely a hope of receiving more than enough to pay my board. If I should stay till next spring, then Mr. K will want all of his salary to support himself. as he fears that all of his property is swallowed up in the general destruction. These failures have brought to light many instances of dishonesty among those in whose integrity unbounded confidence was placed. And now all confidence is lost. No man will trust his neighbor. But everyone takes even his brother by the throat, saying, Pay me what you owe. But I cannot describe And I doubt whether you can conceive of the distress we are in. And now you will, perhaps, be grieved at this sudden blast of all my fine prospects and cry, poor Edward. But you never had more reason to rejoice on my behalf and to cry, rich Edward, than now. For, blessed be God, my portion does not stand on such tottering foundations. is to be shaken by these commotions. My dear parents, my dear sister, do not feel one emotion of sorrow on my account, but rather join with me in blessing God, that he keeps me quiet, resigned, and even happy in the midst of these troubles. I do not pretend now to feel them, however. All my worldly hopes are apparently destroyed. And many of those who are now ready to be turned into the streets are the dearest friends I have here. Not to mention the distress of the poor who will, in human probability, soon be in a starving condition. In these circumstances, it is impossible not to feel. Still, if God is pleased to afford me the same degree of support which He has hitherto, I shall be more happy than ever I was. I thought I knew before that this world was treacherous, and its enjoyments transitory. But do things have taught me this truth so much plainer, and wean me so much more from creature dependents that I desire to consider them among my chief mercies? It has long been my prayer that if God had any worldly blessings in store for me, he'd be pleased to give me grace instead of them, or change them into spiritual blessings. And now he begins to grant my request. I am sorry for H's disappointment, and my own inability to assist my father out of his difficulties. which I once hoped I should be able to do. But I trust they will be sanctified, if they are not removed. What a blessed portion the believer has in the word of God, if he has only a hand given him to lay hold on it. But too often our hands are withered, and heed not the divine command to stretch them out, a tremble for our poor country. I fear the decree has gone out against her. My sins have helped to call down judgments upon her, and I desire to take what falls to my share, and bless God that my punishment is no heavier, and no more proportioned to my deserts. But nothing seems too bad to expect from present appearances. If we escape civil war, it will be well. January 5th, 1808. I would not finish my letter before, because I could say nothing favorable respecting my health. which was then worse than ever, but which, blessed be God, seems now unaccountably restored. The tumult in town has subsided into a dead calm. The embargo has put a stop to everything like business. And people have now nothing to do but attend to religion. And we endeavor to give them meetings enough, since they have leisure to attend them. Next week we purpose to keep a town fast on account of our distressed situation. I am not without hopes that things may be overruled to bring about a more extensive reformation. The attention appears to continue, and we hear of new instances of persons under spiritual concern. Feel no uneasiness respecting me. The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want. The people are very kind. Increasingly so. Some of our young converts have lost everything. and had their houses stripped, and it does my heart good to see them cheerful and quiet under it, while others who have no God, have lost their mental reason, are worried almost incessantly, are apparently dying of a broken heart. are uttering the most bitter and distressing complaints. But it is a heart-rending sight to see those who have no other portion stripped naked of all worldly good. Their gods are taken away. And what are they more? And quote, January 5th, 1808, I find myself from day to day in a situation of a poor beggar. with nothing to plead but my necessities. In the evening, I preached to a serious audience and was greatly encouraged to hope for a more general reformation. I was much drawn out in prayer, both at the meeting and after I came home. January 6. Hope that God is quickening me to run the way of his commandments with a more enlarged heart. January 10th. Preached and baptized seven persons and administered the sacrament. Felt entirely exhausted. My constitution seems to be much broken. and a little labor wears me out. January 13th. This day was devoted by us to fasting and prayer, an account of the present gloomy appearances. January 14th. Hope, the strong workings of corruption I have experienced will make me more humble. in the gracious pardon I have received, more thankful. January 17th, Sabbath, was alarmed by a cry of fire during family prayer. The fire did considerable damage, but by God's goodness was God under, though the town was in imminent danger. I was much assisted in seeking a divine blessing on all our afflictions. We did not meet in the forenoon, In the afternoon preached with some liberty. January 22nd. An evening preached and was much refreshed and strengthened in my own soul. Found that the Lord's work is going on. What shall I render to the Lord for all of his benefits? January 24th. Sabbath. Was favored with a sweet season and pleading for the divine presence. I hoped that God would make this a day of His power and grace. I was greatly assisted. I have lately been favored with more love to God and His zeal for Christ than I used to have and feel more compassion for sinners. January 25th. It seemed to have some respite from the workings of corruption. I spent a day in visiting my people and found many somewhat exorcised. An evening attended a conference with anxious inquirers. I found some new cases and had a pleasant evening. January 26th. Felt eager desires to be wholly conformed to Christ and to be carried away by the constraining influence of His love. February 4th. I was overwhelmed with wonder, shame, and confusion. To reflect. on the innumerable mercies I had received, and the grateful returns I had made. In the afternoon I preached at the poorhouse, and found some of them much affected. Soon after this he was seized with a violent pleuritic affection, which rendered speaking a most painful and difficult exertion. The pain continued for some length of time, attended by various discouraging symptoms. He did not neglect to call in medicine aid, and the prescriptions of physicians were partially blessed. But the moment he felt a little relieved, he would resume his labors, go to a conference, take more cold, and come home much worse. Repeatedly during this illness, when he was necessarily confined to his room, he enters a notice of this kind. spent almost a whole day in conversing with persons who were exercised with spiritual trials. And every such day was one of great fatigue, at the close of which all of his alarming symptoms would return with great violence. When his conversation with inquirers was not prolonged to weariness, it proved refreshing to his spirits. Though he found it trying to be laid aside as a broken vessel, When the people were willing to hear, he could still bless God for sweet resignation to the divine will. I could not fill a wish respecting the continuance of my life, but had God referred the matter to me, I should refer it back again to Him. My only wish was if I lived, to live unto the Lord, and if I died, to die unto the Lord." In the latter part of February, his physician found it necessary to forbid his preaching for several Sabbaths to come, and was in a measure successful in enforcing the prohibition, as his patient does not appear to have gone out to any religious meeting for more than a fortnight. When he ventured to attend a conference with those under concern, where he found several new inquirers. It was carried through beyond expectation, but the exposure was followed by a dangerous relapse, so that he thought his health irrecoverably gone. He expresses no grief on this account, except as it disabled him from attending meeting with those under concern. But the reader will prefer to learn his feelings and circumstances from his own words. March 26th. Had an exceeding painful night, worse than ever, but had some satisfaction in thinking of going to be with Christ. And the evening was extremely unwell, and suffered great pain. March 27th. Sabbath. And the morning was very ill, but was carried to meeting in the afternoon, though I could not preach. I was too weak to have much comfort at meeting. It came home very low-spirited. March 28th. I'm pretty well convinced that my disease is mortal. Mine partakes so much of the weakness of my body that I can do nothing in religion, and I can scarcely refrain from peevishness and fretting. March 30th. Had a most sweet and refreshing season in secret prayer this morning. I felt more ardent love to Christ than I have for some time, and was sweetly melted under a sense of my ingratitude. Christ resigned to His will, respecting me, and I was willing to depart and to be with Him. April 2nd. I had a conversation with some persons who came in to see me respecting means to be taken for the suppression of profaneness and Sabbath-breaking. April 3rd. Sabbath. I was able to attend meeting and preach part of the day. I was favored with some liberty at the sacrament and had some foretaste of heaven and a desire to enjoy it. I'm afraid the revival is subsiding. I was assisted to pray that the work might continue, and also in praying for myself so that I hope the Lord has been pleased to strengthen me on this occasion. April 4th. Had unusual earnestness in prayer this morning, both for myself and others, and was sweetly melted in reading the divine word. I was depressed by finding that the town would do nothing respecting the observation of the Sabbath. I was unable to pour out my sorrows and complaints before God with some degree of freedom. April 7th, this day being our annual fast, I endeavored to humble myself before God for my personal sins, as well as our public transgressions, to renew covenant with God and to devote myself with New Zeal to His service. I was likewise assisted in pleading with God for more grace and life and light. in my own soul, and in the souls of my people, and that the reformation which has begun may be carried on gloriously and triumphantly among us. In the morning attended meeting and heard a most excellent sermon from Mr. K. In the afternoon preached with some degree of assistance. April 8th. Had a very uncomfortable night, but I was sweetly refreshed and strengthened in secret prayer this morning. It is long since I have found so much of the divine presence. I was much assisted in praying for a revival of religion. and cannot but hope that God will yet bless us still more abundantly. April 9th I was employed most of the day in visiting. I was troubled with some who wished to join the church without being qualified. April 14th attended a conference for those under concern, and I was refreshed to see a goodly number and to trace the operations of the Holy Spirit upon their minds. April 15th I was so oppressed with a sense of vileness that it seemed impossible for me to come, and yet I had such a sight of God's goodness. that it was impossible for me not to come. April 19th, oh how sweet and refreshing it is to get above the load of sin, sorrows, and corruptions, which oppress us, and to taste a little of communion with God. April 20th, I was strengthened with all might in the inner man. and enabled to renew covenant with God with great joy and sincerity. April 21st. I have long been in a lethargy, but I trust God has now bring me out of it. I find great and unusual sweetness in the Bible of late, for which I have long been praying. and likewise a deeper sense of the importance of time. Another blessing for which I have long been seeking, the Enemy, taking advantage of my great weakness, threw me into a most sinful frame of mind, but on application to Him who steals the waves, The tumult of my mind was stilled, and there was a great calm. April 22nd. I was favored with some intense hungerings and thirstings after righteousness, was led to believe from certain circumstances that my case was almost desperate, but felt most sweetly resigned. My only wish was that God might be glorified, either by my life or death. April 23rd. I was assisted in prayer through the day. My heart seemed ready to break with his longings after holiness. I found an unusual sweetness in reading the scriptures, and much encouraged by the Lord's unusual goodness to me to hope that he is about to carry on his work still more gloriously in this place. April 25th. I was constrained to fill the truth of our Lord's declaration. Without me, you can do nothing. The following paragraphs from letters written during the spring will not be uninteresting. Portland, March 28th, 1808. My dearest mother, The Sabbath after I wrote to Grata. I preached as I expected, but it proved too much for me, and I have not preached since, nor do I expect to be able till the weather grows warmer. Meanwhile, the attention to religion seems to be at a stand. and whether it will not wholly subside is more than we can tell. I need not say that this is a trial, but, blessed be God, he makes it lighter than I could have thought possible. It is true I have not much sensible or positive comfort, but I am kept perfectly quiet and resigned, and can hardly find whether I have any will or not. Should my health not be perfectly re-established before warm weather, I shall probably make a journey home. The people are abundantly kind and allow me to lack for nothing which they can supply. Mr. K is as kind to me as to perish, and though he is almost overwhelmed with labor, yet he will not allow me to expose myself in the least. Now, after enumerating all of these mercies, you will conclude, of course, that I am all wonder and gratitude, and that the constant language of my heart is, what shall I render to the Lord for all of His benefits? That ought to be so. I am very sensible. But, alas, how far from it I am in reality. I do indeed feel some wonder how God can be so good. Such a kind of wonder is we feel when thanking of His eternity and infinite power. But as to gratitude, I hardly know by experience what it means. I once used to think that I did feel grateful when I did not have to reason for it, which I now have. But I've done thinking so. I've done trying to praise God for His mercies. All we can do falls so far short of what we owe. that it seems little better than mockery to thank him in our feeble language. And I can only stand in stupid astonishment to see how good he will be, notwithstanding all I can do to prevent it. Oh, how true it is that he will have mercy on whom he will have mercy. I can hardly help praying sometimes that He would take away all He has bestowed, so that if I must sin, I need not sin against such overwhelming goodness. But it is as natural for Him to be good and kind as it is for us to abuse His goodness. And sinner shall our wicked heart cease to sin, and he cease to pardon and forgive sin. The embargo, humanly speaking, will be detrimental to the morals of the people here. They have now nothing to do but saunter about, and then, of course, again into all manner of mischief. And I fear they will lose all habits of industry and sobriety. However, if I have any health, we shall endeavor to multiply meetings and take up as much of their time as possible in that way." Portland, April 18, 1808. Yes, my dearest mother, I did think of my friends at range when I apprehended I was about to leave them. They were almost, if not altogether, the only things that I felt the least regret at the idea of quitting. But that regret was alleviated, if not wholly removed, by the consoling hope that I should soon meet them again to be separated no more. But, my dear mother, why this anxiety? If I wish for life, it would distress me exceedingly to see you thus anxious, because I should fear it would lead God to remove from you one for whom you indulge so much concern. I shall certainly live as long as I have anything to do for the divine glory, for we are immortal till our work is done, and you surely could not wish me to live after that is accomplished. Ever since I have entertained a comfortable hope of my acceptance in the Beloved, It has been my constant wish that what I had to do might be done speedily. And if God should see fit to grant this wish, will it not be better than if I should be a long time in performing the work allotted and drag on a worrisome life to no purpose? It was my great consolation while taken off from active service and laid aside as a broken vessel and a foot out of joint that we may glorify God as much by patiently suffering is by actively doing His will. And I hope this consolation will be yours should He see fit to appoint me a life of weakness, pain, and suffering, or remove me first from this state of trial. It is the striking proof of our depravity. that when God favors us with special mercies, He sees it necessary to send special afflictions to teach us our dependence and keep us humble. Could I have continued suitably humble and thankful under the mercies I have latently received with respect to my settlement here? Any outpourings of the Spirit, He never would have frustrated first my temporal prospects and afterwards, by sickness, have me cast, as it were, out of His vineyard. As an unworthy and an unfaithful laborer, But I not only deserve but indispensably needed all that has befallen me, and I desire to bless him for these afflictions, by which, when my roots began to shoot into and cleave to the earth, he plucked them out before they were too deeply and firmly fixed, and thus experimentally taught me not to look for or expect any happiness beyond that of serving him here, but to wait for my reward in another world. a lesson of infinite importance and which I greatly needed. But it is a lesson so hard for us, or at least for me, to learn, that I well foresee that if I am continued here at any length of time it will be necessary for God to impress it upon my mind again and again. by repeated and multiplied disappointments. My disposition is naturally so ardent that I can enjoy nothing with moderation, so that I must either be totally indifferent to worthy objects or else love them to such a degree as to render them idols. And then, of course, God must and will either embitter or remove them. It is evident, therefore, that I must not expect worldly happiness. For perfect indifference to any object or too much love for it, are equally incompatible with happiness, and these are the only two states of which I am capable. For this reason I fear ever to enter the merry state, for I should most certainly love a wife too much or too little. I know not, however, whether I ought to regret this trait in my character, since by cutting me off from other sources it does, as it were, necessarily drive me to one whom I cannot love or serve too much, and compel me to place all my hopes in future state. Since you complain that I did not tell you what my sickness has been, I will now inform you, lest you should suppose it worse than it was. It was an inflammation of the lungs and adjoining parts, attending for several weeks with extreme debility, sharp pain, restlessness, loss of appetite, difficulty of breathing, and an inability to converse for any time together. I should, I believe, have easily got over it, but I continued my labors much too long. hoping I should be able to drag along till warm weather, which I trusted would restore me. But after sacrament, when by reason of the length of the services I was so exhausted that I could scarcely sit in my chair, I was obliged to go out in a cold, raw evening to converse and pray with the dying sailor. who had just found out that he had a soul to be saved. The next day was a violent storm in which I imprudently went out to visit some sick persons, and the day following I was seized with sharp pleuritic pain in my side. However, as it was lecture night, I was obliged to preach, which I got through with much pain and some difficulty, but was then constrained to give up. Still I believe my confinement would have been much shorter had not persons continued to come and converse with me who were under concern. I cannot find it in my heart to send them away. And the temporary exhilaration of spirits which the sight of them gave me prevented me from finding out at first how much talking injured me, so that for a long time I lost ground much faster than I had gained it. But the sun seems to be a physician superior to all the doctors, and its warm beams under God have, in a good measure, restored me. If your patience is worried, you must ascribe it to your own request, without which I should not have said a syllable on the subject. The inflammation, he observes in another letter, was brought on by speaking in hot rooms and then going out into the cold evening air. His illness proved on the whole a serious one, and he was obliged not only to suspend preaching, but to leave the scene of his labors before he could obtain relief. On the 27th of April, he set out for his father's house to try the effect of a journey and a country residence on his health. In crossing a stream whose bridge had been carried away, he was thrown from his horse and got thoroughly wet so that he could proceed no further. The next day, after riding about ten miles, he was seized with the symptoms of a violent fever. and obliged to stop and take to his bed. The third day he pursued his journey moderately, but in much pain and weakness, fearing that his lungs had been much injured by his late accident. Before the night of the fourth day he was extremely exhausted. Find that a fever comes on at night, he says, and goes off with sweats in the morning. The next Sabbath was the Sabbath which he spent in Milford, weak in body and mind. After meeting which he attended, both parts of the day had some conversation with the Universalist, but to little purpose. May 2nd, reached home, and was most kindly received. After the flow of spirits occasioned by seeing friends was over, I found myself exhausted with much journey. For several days after his arrival, he grew worse, till he lost all strength and appetite, and was taken with a hectic fever, attended with night sweats and some cough. He gave up all hope of recovering, and felt willing to die, had not a murmuring thought."