Genesis chapter 2. It'll be a familiar message to some of you. It's changed a little, but if you're still single, you'll still need to listen even harder this time. Genesis 2, 15 to 25, the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man saying, you may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat. For in the day that you eat of it, you shall surely die. Then the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him. Now out of the ground, the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam, there was not found a helper fit for him. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man. And while he slept, took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man, he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said this at last, his bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh and she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. Amen. How to find a spouse. Now as next week is St Valentine's week and most of you won't be getting any special messages, I thought I'd do what I can to bring you one this morning. Now this was the second in the series of how-to sermons and for many of you it will be the most important. And notice I did not say how to find love. If you want to find love, well, find Christ. No, I am talking about the practicalities of finding a spouse. So let's begin at the beginning. Genesis with the first couple, Adam and Eve, and say, to find a spouse, first ask God. Ask God, ask God to help you. Ask him to give you what you need, not what you want. That's important. The New King James Version of James 4 verse 2 says, you lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war, yet you do not have because you do not ask. Verse three, you ask and do not receive because you ask amiss. You ask wrongly. It's very easy, isn't it, to be fooled by what we see or what we hear. In fact, Marvin Gaye in the 60s said, believe half of what you see, son, and none of what you hear. Beauty is often only skin deep. and a flattering mouth works ruin. That's what Proverbs 26 says. And let's be honest, most of the time we are incapable of making sensible decisions for ourselves. And on the rare occasions that we do make them, it doesn't mean they are the best. But God's decisions always are. In our passage, God gives Adam a job in verse 15. He knows that man needs to be busy and the devil makes use of idle hands, we also know that. But he also recognises that when Adam has finished his day's work, he needs to come home to someone, preferably someone who can have his dinner ready, I'm guessing. And I'm reading into the text somewhat here, but that's why he rejected the animals as unsuitable, because I'm sure as before long they wouldn't be making the dinner, they'd be the dinner. So God says also, doesn't he, if you look in verse 18, that the woman should be fit. So, but in verse 21, God made for Adam the perfect partner, someone he could easily love. made just like him from his rib, in fact. Now, of course, you know why she's made from the rib, don't you? Well, Matthew Henry says that the woman was made out of a rib of the side of the man, not made out of his head to rule over him, nor made out of his feet to be trampled upon by him. but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected by him, and near his heart to be loved by him. Isn't that wonderful? And it's not a quote from the Bible, but I'm sure that God approves of that reasoning. And it makes a lot of sense, doesn't it? What Adam needed, God provided. Funnily enough, Adam didn't know what he wanted because there was nothing to catch his eye at that time. But that's not the same today, is it? It seems there's plenty to catch the eye. So much so that the Bible exhorts us to pluck out our eye if it causes us to sin. We heard that last week. But better still, as Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7, if you have a problem with lust, get married. But not the first girl you see, lads. Not the first one. Go to God first. Pray and ask him to help you. And remember, ask him to give you what you need, not what you want. He knows best. Ask God first. Secondly, ask your parents. Honour your mother and father. Talk to them. They also want what is best for you. It might not seem it always, but they do. And ask them for advice. Now I hope you all know the story about Abraham sending his servant to find a wife for his son Isaac. And how the servant set up all these scenarios to make sure he got the right one. And how Rebecca fetched the water for the ten camels and it turned out that she was of the same tribe and the Bible says Isaac loved her. Well, I don't want you to do that. You see, it's far too easy to twist all the signs into working in your favour. What I want you to do, though, is consult your parents. Isaac had lost his mother, and Abraham was concerned for his son. He didn't want him marrying a pagan, an unbeliever. So important. So he sent his servant Eliezer to his own country in Mesopotamia to find a suitable bride for his boy. Now Abraham doesn't choose the particular girl or woman. Again, he leaves that in God's hands. God knows best. He knows that. And when the girl arrives, he doesn't give her a cross-examination because he trusts the process. He trusts his servant. Why? Well, because the servant trusts God as well. Abraham knew what was best for his son Isaac. And later we see Isaac do the same for his son Jacob. Fearing Jacob might marry a Canaanite woman, Isaac sends him to Paddan Aram to his uncle Laban's place to find a wife of their clan. Their other son, Esau, where we read in the same chapter that he married one of Ishmael's daughters in what seems to be a fit of spite, in addition to his existing wives. And the Bible says this grieved his parents dearly. He didn't consult his parents and it led to misery. You see, the parents were clearly concerned with who their son marries. It seems their biggest concern was that they married someone from their own tribal clan. Now, I do not think this is an endorsement for tribalism, but more a directive for you and I to marry believers. Now, some of you might say to me, I have no parents, and I'm truly sorry for that. Others, like Natasha and I, we might say, well, my parents are not believers. or my parents want me to marry this boy or that girl. Well, to you, I would say, find some parents in the church. Find a wise couple or even a wise man or woman who you can trust and ask them for help and advice. Take the intended one around to meet them. Bring them to church and see how others react to him or her. Believe you me, you will pick up the vibes very quickly. Just be wise in your response. You see, we can all easily be infatuated with someone who just isn't right for you. And you will overlook many faults in that person, because as they say, love is blind. So if the vibes are not good, or the elders around you are urging you to be cautious, use your discernment, read the signs, hold back, and if necessary, back off. If it's meant to be, it doesn't need rushing into. They say fools rush in where angels fear to tread. Don't be a fool. Now parents, whether they are believers or not, have a lot of experience in such matters and you are yet to face. So talk to them, consult them, listen to them and honour them. Ask your parents. Ask God. And thirdly, ask yourself two questions. One, are they a believer? And two, what kind of believer are they? Firstly, this is, what are they a believer? This is so important. Now I've already told you to be cautious. Don't rush in. If it's right, it will happen eventually. But whatever you do, don't marry an unbeliever. Ask yourself, are they a believer? If you're not sure, that's a big red flag. Don't marry outside the Christian clan. Find a partner who is born again from the tribe of Buleva. Ask them, what do you think of Christ? Ask them, why do you go to church? Ask them, what is the chief end of man? Just make sure they are a believer. Marry your own kind. Paul says in 2 Corinthians 6 verse 14, do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? Do not marry a pagan, a Muslim. a Jehovah's Witness, a Seventh-day Adorer or an Arminian, it'll end in tears. Marry a believer. Secondly, ask yourself this, what kind of believer are they? And again, this is also a very important question. Yes, they might be saved, but are they going on with the Lord? Are they growing in grace? Are they going to church for the right reasons? Watch what they do when the preacher stands up. Have they got their Bible with them? Do they read their Bible? Do they know it? Do they know God? Do they want to know Him more? When I first went to church with Natasha, I heard the preacher say something that I wanted clarifying, and I thought I'd ask her. So I leant over and whispered in her ear, and she shot me a look. Now, it's a kind but firm look. You all know it. You've all seen that look. And she just pointed to the preacher. Didn't say a word. You see, she was listening, and I was interrupting. And you know, we've been married 18 years now, and still, every Sunday, she gives me that look and points. Every Sunday. We men, when will we ever learn? But seriously, all of you, guys, find a girl who does that. And girls, find a guy who does that. Point you to what you should be listening to. If she sings in the choir, so what? If he plays the guitar, so what? If he leads the Sunday school though, well now you're talking. And if she's involved in women's ministry, get her number. If they're working, What kind of job do they do? Are they known for being hard-working by their colleagues or are they lazy? Are they popular with their colleagues? If they are a student, do they get their essays in on time? Are they a good student? Are they on their phones all through chapel, not listening to or caring for the Word of God? Read the signs. Use your discernment. Don't pick a badden. If God can't keep them interested, don't think you will. On your second date, pull out your Bible or a Christian book and say, let's have a study. Don't do it on the first date. Remember, remember fools rush in. But if their eyes open wide like dinner plates, shut that book and shut the door behind you, it's not a good sign. But if their eyes light up and they begin to tear up, you know you're on a winner. Brothers and sisters, ask God, ask your parents and ask yourself, are they a believer? And what kind of believer are they? Then, get married, have kids, take them all to a decent church every week and live happily ever after. Amen? Let's pray. Father in heaven, we thank you for your word. We thank you that you chose for Adam the perfect partner. And oh Lord God, we know that all things work together for good for them that love God and accord according to your purpose. But we also know that if we wait upon you, those good things will come to us. And Lord God, we pray that you would give us not what we desire, but what we need. Don't give us what we want, Lord, for we know our eyes deceive us. Our heart is desperately wicked and deceitful above all things. So Lord God, let us wait upon you and wait for the right one. Lord God, help us in the meantime to use our discernment, to be careful, to be cautious and not to rush in. We pray, oh Lord God, and I pray for all these young people here who are single. Give them good wives and good husbands, godly spouses, and bless them, we pray. Forgive our sin. Remember us for good, we ask in Jesus' name.