I put together the handouts so they are if it's really rough. I got all kinds of excuses now, but You know when someone asked you to do a parenting class the first thing you think of is I have not attained I have I'm not the perfect parent I've had to repent before my wife and my children so many times that if you were to have that fly on the wall you were to be that flying the wall you would say what is he doing teaching a parenting class and And parenting is not easy, as you all know. It's not for perfect people. It's strange, too, how when you become a parent, it happens at a time in your Christian walk when you're pretty new in the faith, really, in one sense. My wife and I were converted. I was converted when I was 26. Karen was 20 years old. We were when we got married. And then we had our first son two years later and our other son two years after that. We were not exactly at the zenith of Christian education at the time of how to rear children so there was a lot of books that were really helpful a lot of good examples that were helpful but in the first point here I want us to see BK means before kids and even after kids it's very important and I want to emphasize this first point is that the husband and wife relationship is is very important, that the husband and wives had great love and respect one for another. When you go to Ephesians chapter 5, and I have those references there from 22 through 33, I think you'll notice that it begins with the husband and wife relationship before he even deals with children in Ephesians chapter six. And you'll see that the wives are to submit to their own husbands as to the Lord for the husband is head of the wife. And then you see how the wife is to be in subjection to her husband. The husband, in verse 25, is to love his wife. Jesus Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. And you just continue to go on and you see how the husband's emphasis is to love his own wife as he loves his own body, so that there's a very healthy relationship with the husband and with the wife. It's just so important. I've seen kids, so to speak, go downhill because there's so many factions inside the home with mom and dad. It's a very sad thing to see. When you go over to Colossians chapter three, And you see similar wording beginning in verse 18 by the apostle. He says, for many, did I do that right? I'm in Philippians. Let me get to Colossians. There we go. Colossians 3, 18 says, Wives, submit to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. And then he deals with the children, obeying their parents in all things. And then 21 says, Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. And then he continues on. But I just want you to see that the biblical pattern is that there's a very healthy relationship that you and your wife, wife and your husband are very close. You have love for one another. And that's just an important part of a family. The thing that gave me the most comfort when I was being raised was how much affection my father would show to my mom. And they fought in front of us. They were not Christians. You don't have to be a Christian or not a Christian. It happens. Even, you know, Christians fight in front of their kids. It shouldn't happen, but it does. But the thing that gave me a lot of comfort that let me know that all things were well is when my father put his arm around my mom, kissed her. Shoulder affection you just knew that okay all things are safe. And that's what your children are looking for. They're looking for safety They're looking for stability in that home and when they see that mom and dad have love for one another Dad chases mom around the house. Whatever word you want to use. That's a good thing to do and then One thing husbands for you to keep in the back of your mind. I've already mentioned it before the class started. There's one requirement As far as I can tell from the scriptures that you were to do to your wife in the first five books of the Bible from Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers and Deuteronomy. And it's found in Deuteronomy 24 and verse five. And I read it earlier, but you'll notice there's a key phrase in there and it says that the husband is to bring happiness to his wife. So, you know, the husband has a lot of affairs to take care of, but he is primarily to bring happiness to his wife. So that's the first point right there. Also, this is very informal. If you do have questions, even while I'm speaking, shoot your hand up. This is a three week course. This is not By any stretch of the imagination, you will find that next week I'll have some additional items that are listed here. Don't expect us to get through all eight of these. I don't expect us to do that. So, if you have any questions, feel free to shoot your hand up. Anyway, before your children are born, before you even have kids, begin praying for them even now. Pray for their souls. That is a good thing to do. You should be praying with one another, whether you're over meals, whether you're having your devotions. But it's a good time for you to begin praying for their souls, because God knows who you're going to have in terms of your children and you desire for your children. primarily not to be saved, but to be conformed to the image of Christ. And the reason I say that is that parents put so much emphasis on their children making a commitment, being Christians, instead of the children then sense that they are less of people or they're not regarded by their by their parents because they're not Christians. They haven't been saved yet. But you want to conform it to the image of Christ and bring them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. So begin praying for the souls now. And point number two, in their infancy, it's an interesting thing here. And you can see it right there where it says children learn by example. First, you just cannot take up your children and begin to talk to them like an adult. The only way that they learn anything at all about God, Christianity, And the church is not by your mouth, but how you walk. And I think God teaches us by that, that we're going to have to make sure that our walk and our talk are the same. Children learn more about God by what we do as opposed to what we say. And. I knew a man that he had his daily devotions with his kids and he had him catechized. He was a rotten father. He was a horrible father. And the kids saw the hypocrisy of this. The marriage was a mess. The kids saw that. And so there's no amount of catechizing, no amount of pounding truth into their head that could have done them any good. He should have learned the first rule of walking with his God. And so children will learn very much about the Lord by your walk. Then by your speech so your walk is going to be consistent. It's very important and I'll have to say this You will see as I'm speaking and I was even as I was doing this saying what a louse I am But you don't quit and you never give up and it's never too late Remember that it's never too late Don't quit Never too late. Don't quit. Just keep on. Keep on because you will fail in many points. We offended all kinds of points, but you don't give up. You just keep on keeping on and it's OK. It works out fine. Thirdly, love is a must. And I've asked when I've taught my high school class, I asked my kids one question. What is my job? And they would say, oh, you're supposed to teach us the word of God. You're supposed to do this. You're supposed to be a good example. I said, no, you've missed the whole point on this. What is my job? And I said, my job is to love you. And of course, that's the reason why I studied the word of God. Of course, that's why I would teach the kids. And that's my responsibility as a pastor is to love you. And my responsibility to my wife and to my children is to love them with a supreme love to God. Again, love is the predominant thing that's pushing us through. We're going to see this later on in Deuteronomy. But love is self-sacrificing and it is self-denial and it is not easy. It is more than emotion. It is action. And just look around and see how spouses speak to one another and how they speak to their children. I cringe at the times that I've said things to my sons. I hope I keep it together here. But I just grieve at the things that I've said to my kids. And then I have to stop and say, did I love them? Well, at that time, I certainly didn't demonstrate love towards them. Look at how I spoke to my wife. Look at how I spoke to my kids. And instead of giving up, I'll say, OK, I've got to go back to them and repent before them. I love them. And so, OK, I want I repent before God and repent before my kids as well as before my wife. But it is not an easy thing to do that duty or to do that job. It is love, but it's a it's a great thing. Right. Love is a great thing. We don't want to hate. We don't want to be abounding in hate. It's to abound in love. But it's not an easy thing to do. And we can see from scriptures when Paul tells husbands and wives to love one another, that means there's a temptation not to love one another. There is that temptation to do that. And so you just have to look around, even those in the professing church. It is sad to see. I've been an elder 16, 17 years. I can't even think of it now. And it is I've been greatly encouraged and greatly discouraged going into people's homes and seeing that things are just not the way they should be. The predominant thing was love not that I'm in there with a white glove Testing to see how everything is going in the home, but you there's there's no love. It's nothing more than a duty and So love is a must and you must continue to ask yourself the question ask your children this question. What's my job? This is great You can ask your kids questions and we'll see how important it is for us to ask our kids questions and you can tell them My job is to love you And I would even say this is a little bit of a diversion here when it comes down to spanking. I've heard it said you spank your kids in such a way that they're convinced that you love them. Not out of anger, because that is nothing more than revenge. Let's move on. You will see that I will blend into these other points. It's just natural the way it happens. Number four, unity is critical in child rearing. You cannot have a mom versus dad relationship. And if you go to Proverbs, there's a lot in Proverbs, some books I'll recommend to you at the end of this study today. But in Proverbs, when you go strictly to say Proverbs chapter one, In verse eight and nine, you'll see my son here, the instruction of your father and do not forsake the law of your mother here. You see that the instruction of father and law of mother are the same thing says that they will be graceful ornaments on your head and chains about your neck. And you see here that that law and that instruction is to be the same with father and mother. In other words, you both have to have a plan. You all have to be on the same page. You can't have mom raising the kids one way and father raising the kids another way. Go ask your mother. No, no. Guys, the buck stops with us. You'll see that later on that the primary teacher and corrector is, they're the men, the fathers. That is the primary one. You can't pass the buck off to good old mom. When you're home and the kids foul up, you are the one that takes care of it, not your mother. If there is a decision that has to be made at home, you don't say, go ask your mother. There's, you know, you see these movies and, you know, mom runs the show. So you have to go and ask mom, what do we do? No, dad is the one that makes the final decision. Go ahead, Lewis. This is informal. Ask any question anytime. Well, I'm not here for any confession, okay? I'm not a priest. There are small, yeah, there are small things. I think it's good for you and your wife, though, to talk more about that if she wants to. You know what? Let mom and I talk. Let me talk to mom about this, say, because there are things that go on because the mother, the way that God has made our families, the mother is home most of the time. So she knows the children. They know the needs that come up. And something about a snack is not going to topple your. Mm hmm. you know, wait until your dad gets home, you know. And so, I'm like, honey, discipline her. At that point, you know, I'll come in and yap with her and tell her, look, you know, this is true approval. Mom can put, I don't like that aspect either, coming in and just having the, you know, and it's just like, I want to hug her when I first walk in, but now I got right upstairs, you know, Well, as a mother once said, well, then your job's harder. I'll get into that a little bit later. I think that children should be immediately disciplined. They shouldn't wait till dad gets home. I think that should be taken care of by mom. Mom has the ability and the right to do that. There are times, though, when dad, when he gets home and it's been a bad day, dad has to get involved. He's got to get involved anyway. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. It's time we take our dresses off, leave them at home in the closet, and we need to be the men. We need to be the men. Okay, 620, Proverbs 620. Sorry, Lewis. I'm going to be painfully honest. My son, keep your father's command and do not forsake the law of your mother. Again, showing that there is a unity with mom and dad. There cannot be two separate rules. The father is the primary teacher and corrector. When you take a look at Proverbs chapter 4, He says, Hear my children the instruction of a father, and give attention to no understanding. For I give you good doctrine. Do not forsake my law. When I was my father's son, tender and the only one in the sight of my mother, he also taught me and said to me, Let your heart retain my words. The primary teacher of theology, and even at home, is to be the dad. And, you know, your devotions with your children will get into this later. I'll say this, but we'll get into this later, is that, you know, devotions are not a 15 minute ordeal. It's not the tribulation period. And we'll see later on that it is to be a great time for your kids to learn about the Lord. It's not OK time for devotions. And so you've turned your devotions into a drudgery. And it's almost like it reminds me when I was a Catholic. I always bring Catholicism into this, and it's like Lent. Lent was something you hated, or going to the Mass was something you hated. You've got to do this. Learning about God is not to be like that at all. It's supposed to be something that your kids enjoy. Your kids enjoy learning, and to teach them about the Lord is a great thing to do. Ephesians 6.4, as we have alluded to that verse earlier, said, Fathers, do not provoke your children to rash, showing that the father, again, is the primary teacher. and leader and corrector of the family. He's got to do it in such a way so as not to provoke his children to wrath. Does that mean that you've got to do it in such a way that your children are always happy? They're not going to be happy when they get the rod. They're not going to be happy when they're instructed that way. But they've got to do it in such a way so as not to provoke them to wrath. There's a lot of other things I'll enumerate on that verse and what that means. Number five. Love and instruction go together. Love and instruction go together. Now, let's go to the Deuteronomy passage. This is a great passage for us to to really understand, because you deal with the knowledge of God, the love of God, and then how we deal with our kids. And in verse one. of Deuteronomy 6. Now this is the commandment, and these are the statutes and judgments which the Lord your God has commanded to teach you, that you may observe them in the land which you are crossing over to possess, that you may fear the Lord your God and keep all his statutes and his commandments which I command you, you and your son and your grandson all the days of your life, and that your days may be prolonged. Therefore, hear, O Israel, and be careful to observe it, that it may be well with you, and that you may multiply greatly as the Lord God of your fathers has promised you, a land flowing with milk and honey. Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children. You shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand. They shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." So here we see that this command that is given to the fathers that's given to the men of that land. They were to diligently teach their children and they were not to teach it. Like, as I mentioned in a 15 minute ordeal, when you sit down, when you rise up, when you're on the way, I remember we would have when we would be traveling, we would have our devotions in the car while I'm driving. The boys would read and I would give instruction while we would go on. And I remember one of their friends was with us. Which is fine. If you have friends over, have devotions with your friends. It's cool. It's all right. We live in America. We have freedom of speech. And the kid said, well, I've never heard about having devotions in the car. Well, sometimes you get a little Roman Catholic in our thinking and we think that, oh, this is the place, right here. This is the holy place or in the home. That's the holy place. But in the car or when you're walking. You can't have devotions then, can you? Devotions all the time. You're continually talking with your children about the things of God. And here, this rising up and sitting down means it involves every aspect of your life to train our children, to talk to them about the Lord and This love and instruction, if you notice here that we are to love God with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength and that with that love that we have towards God. And it's implied to have love towards our wife and our children. We diligently teach our children. That's why we teach them is because we love them, because if they don't have any knowledge of God, they will go the way of destruction. But they have knowledge of God. They will not go that way of destruction. So love and instruction go together. Instruction to children is not a 15 minute ordeal. It's in Ephesians 6, 4 says to bring them up, bring them up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. Next, number six says love and correction go together. And we got a few verses there. Proverbs 13, 24. I'll start reading there and I've got him in progressive order, not necessarily of importance or emphasis, but 13.24 says this, that he who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly, immediately. Now, this is not a class on spanking. My emphasis is not on spanking. We're just going to use the word of God in terms of correction. Our children are unable, we're not able to communicate them. And the only way that they know if something's right or wrong is by the rod. That's it. And you'll have to know the disposition of your children, how far to go with them. Brian and Kyle were completely different. This is going over the airwaves just the way it is. But Brian was a 10 spanking a boy day. That's all there is to it. Kyle was a lot different. It was rare for Kyle to get a spanking. Either he learned from Brian by seeing the pain and agony on Brian's face. I'm not sure what it was, but Kyle was a lot different in his disposition. It's just the way he was. Brian was a I come home, my poor wife would be in a pool of tears. Go shopping, even though we didn't have any money, just look at windows and that type of stuff, and Brian will be home with me. You could tell Brian, don't do this, and he would do it. I was out mowing the lawn one time in the backyard. It was just me and Brian and Kyle. Karen was out that day and I got done mowing the lawn. You got that little muffler right there. He is really hot. And I said, Brian, whatever you do, don't touch that. You know, I went to change the basket. I come back and he is screaming bloody murder. His hand is all. He did it. Touched it right away. Do I whip him then? No. The kids in pain. That was his own punishment, if you will. I gave him a sucker, had him lay down in bed. gave him something for his finger, and then we dealt with him afterwards. But as they get older, you're able to reason with them and talk with them more and more about things that are right and wrong, and there are times when you administer the rod. But if you're going to correct your children, you correct them immediately. Do not wait. It says here that he who spares his rod hates his son. But he who loves him disciplines him promptly here showing that love is the primary force of disciplining our children, because you're not to correct your children in anger to satisfy your anger is that is revenge. Charles Bridges said this. He's great. If you get your hands on Bridges regarding Proverbs, it was the book that my wife and I use basically for raising our children. And he says, beat down your own anger before you beat your children. So he said. Matt. Right. Right. Right. Right. You do not want to murder your children in the process of disciplining them. And that is as true. There are many times that compose yourself because after you spank them, what we would do after I would spank them, I would hug them. I would pray with them and let them know that I love them. It's dealt with. It's over with. See, if you put them in the room and give them a time out, the thing continues to linger and it continues to fester and it begins to stink real bad. It's like fish. After a couple of days, it stinks. You have to deal with it right then and there. And it's over with. And that way you teach your children, OK, it's done with. And I'm not going to bring it up again. It's over with. We've dealt with it. Give your children an opportunity to repent. Teach them how to repent. And then you move on. It's none of this, you know, wait till your father gets home. I know this might offend some of you, but It's not wait till your father gets home. Moms take care of it. And if they laughed at you while you beat them, say, OK, then dad will take care of you. After a while, Brian's buns got so tough that it was a joke to him. So she says, well, then your father is going to have to. So he learned how to cry on cue. Proverbs 1918. Proverbs 1918. It says, chasing your son while there is hope. And do not set your heart on his destruction. Whenever you discipline your children, nurses always says your son, never your daughter must be. But the thing is, is that when you're chasing your son, if you leave him alone, it's leading to his destruction. When you do deal with him properly and faithfully, you see that this is for his benefit and you're not setting your heart on his destruction. And twenty three thirteen. It says, do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from hell. Then I like what 15 and 16 says. My son, if your heart is wise, my heart will rejoice. Indeed, I myself. Yes, my inmost being will rejoice when your lips speak right things. It shows the connection there between disciplining your son. He begins to speak right things. You discipline him in such a way where you're not going to kill him. And it reminds you, too, when you do discipline, it's not going to kill him. It's for his good. And that there's also the second aspect as fathers that we should rejoice when our children speak right things. We should compliment them on that. Slap them on the back in a good way. You know, get going. Just let them know how much that you appreciate, you know, that there's beginning to store up wisdom and speak right things. And then in twenty nine fifteen. This is a doozy, Matt. The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. For some reason it appears, obviously because the woman is the weaker vessel, this has a detrimental effect upon her when the child is left to himself, brings destruction, seems to strike at the heart of the woman first. It does strike at the heart of the man as well. But notice here, the rod and rebuke give wisdom. Sometimes all that parents know about is the rod. Know nothing all of rebuke. Know nothing of all of instruction. And they think of themselves as nothing more than a spanking instrument. That's all they think of themselves at. Or they may be in a class like this saying, when do we get to the spanking? You know, when do we get to beat the child? That's in one sense, last resort, but we're not to correct our children out of anger, but it's for their good. And there should be rebuke, rebuke entails speaking with them, rebuke them, encourage them, instruct them. This is for their good and benefit and also be thankful to God when their sin comes out. Some parents just want to suppress. I don't want to know. You come home from a tough day at work. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. No. You're the father. You're the dad. You are supposed to be able to bear the burden of the day with regards to your job. And then you get to go home and be a father and a husband. And that doesn't mean that you want to hear any bad news. You've got to hear it. But thank the Lord when these sins come out, because now this is an opportunity for the gospel to your child. I mean, thank the Lord when our sin came out. Right. Because if we would never have been convinced of our sin, we would have seen no need for Jesus Christ. And therefore, when our children's sin come out. You get to deal with your children. We'll deal with that later on the fact that they're sinners and you go right to the heart of their sin and you're able to able to correct them. And I would say that we should correct our child for their for that's good for the child's good, as well as to correct it by faith, believing the promises of God. Go to Proverbs 22. Proverbs 22, look at verse six. Train up a child in the way he should go. Here's the promise. And when he is old, he will not depart from it. If you do, if get your hands on Brooks in regards to this verse, read what he has to say. It's exceptional about how the fact that we need to believe. When we deal with our children in a right way that they will not depart from it, we're talking about saving religion. Now, we're Calvinist, but we cannot allow our Calvinism to say to be to become pessimistic and say, well, if they're not elect, they're never going to believe. We need to deal with our children in such a way that believe that if we train them up in the way that they should go, they will not depart from it. This is the means that God uses. And I do have a section on here on our children sitting in church. And I'll ask that question, do they sit in church? They should be worshiping God, not sitting in church. But we are to train our children up in that way that brings them to the gospel. And so this is just an important part. We must correct by faith, correct, believing the promises of God. And in the same chapter, in verse 15, says foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. Here's the promise. The rod of correction will drive it far from him. So here we have the solution to the foolishness and we need to when we discipline our children to discipline in such a way that we believe the promises of God and you can even bring these promises to God and argue with God and say, Lord. I'm endeavoring by your grace to raise my children in a way that glorifies you and is good for their good and for their benefit, for their soul. And so we would use these verses and lift them up before God saying, I'm training them up in the way that he should go. I'm training. Remember, if any of you have done any type of training, it is a daily ritual. It is not something that happens once. It is not easy. When I used to fight, when I used to run, there was training that was involved and that took a lot. A lot of self-doubt. I had to eat the right food, had to get a lot of sleep, and I had to go completely against my body. My body was screaming out to me, stop this right now. Just relax. Stop this foolishness right now. But I had a fight in about two weeks. I used to fight in karate, so I had to get trained, because I know that guy that I was going to fight against wasn't sitting around playing pinball and eating bonbons. He was training as well. So when we train our children, it's with a mindset, almost with a A regiment, a militaristic, if you will, but I would caution with that is that there should be love that's involved. Love has got to color everything. But it is a training experience, not a one time affair. So we need to train them and correct them, believing the promises of God. And then number seven, I'll get started on this and we'll probably stop. I do want to leave some time for some questions, but bring them up or train them up. Take discipline, self-control and self-denial. It's always easiest just to say, I'm not going to deal with it this one time. It's easy, but just because something easy doesn't make it right. If anything, when something gets easy, you should stop and say, you know, Maybe I'm doing something wrong, because when things get too easy, there's got to be something wrong, right? Life can't be this easy. Well, because you're not dealing with your kids. Maybe you're not painstakingly going through what they've done. When Johnny and Susie are fighting, sometimes parents, they just separate them, stop doing that. And that's it. They don't stop and say, now, Johnny, why did you hit your sister? Well, she did this, that and the other. No, no, that doesn't answer the question. Why did you hit your sister? Well, she took. No, that's not it. You know, the reason why you hit your sister, you have hatred in your heart towards your sister. Because if you love your sister, you wouldn't do that. Or Susie, why did you say that to your to your brother? Or why did you speak that way to your mother? Well, they did this. That doesn't deal with it. You did it because of the fact that you had hatred or anger in your heart towards this person. And really, ultimately, who you sinned against was God, because you have hatred and anger towards God because you're not happy with what type of parent he gave you or what type of brother or sister you gave. Now, obviously, you don't do this with a three year old. But as your children get old, that's how you deal with their fighting. You know, as they should not. In my home, I didn't tolerate the fighting. Maybe they did it behind closed doors, but I did not tolerate fighting. If they're going to fight, they're going to have to deal with me. And I'm a lot bigger than them at that time. And they were going to learn at that time that I was not going to tolerate fighting. They were to love one another and not to have a harsh heart towards one another as well. So this takes a lot of self-denial. Teach them by catechizing them. Get a good catechism, children's catechism. Who made you? God made you. Why did God make you? We even went through the Westminster catechism, the Baptist version of when my sons got older and we continued. We memorized it together, all hundred seven questions. And we would go over it a couple of times during our family devotions. Question and answer is always good with your kids and your kids should have the mentality. They can ask any question. that they want. They should feel the safety of their home to ask any question that they want. They can, even if your children believe that there's 17 persons in the Trinity, you'd rather hear it from them than to hear it from someone else. Or you suppress them to where they afraid that if they step this way or that way, they're going to get the snot beat out of them. You want your children to feel comfortable at home, to ask any question that they want, even during your time of family devotions. My son, Brian, always came up with the best questions. And he said, Dad, God controls all things, right? I said, yeah, he must have been four or five at this time. And he says, could he have stopped Adam from sinning? I said, yes, he could have. He says, why didn't he? I said, I don't know. It's OK to say that to your kids, but I'm glad he asked that question. I mean, who can understand the workings of God and your children at four years old are asking those questions when you go back to Deuteronomy, chapter six. And in verse 20, I didn't write that down, you can write that down. Notice something very interesting. He says, When your son asks you in the time to come, saying, What is the meaning of the testimonies, the statutes and the judgments which the Lord our God has commanded you? Then you shall say to your son. And there he goes on, explains to his son everything that he can think of. When your children ask you questions, regardless of how small, how stupid or how profound they may be, and you may not have the answer, you try to answer those questions. Any question that they asked, you want to answer those questions. I'm going to stop right here. We'll pick up with number seven. And I've left some time here for questions. Louis, I'm sure you've got, is this a question or a statement? Okay. Private school or home school? is my daughter to be like my wife, you know, fearing God, virtuous. And I don't see anybody loving my daughter as much as my wife. And I think if somebody was going to discipline my daughter, I'd want it to be either me or my wife. They will do it in love. Is it OK to use surrogate means or delegate a responsible First of all, it is the responsibility of the father with regards to the instruction of your children with regards to schooling. He can delegate that. If he wants, he's got to investigate and make sure that what he's doing is the right thing. And we always, here at the church, our stance has been we leave it with the fathers to decide whether they go public school, whether they go private school, whether they go home school. We leave that with the fathers. But they must understand that the father's got to give an account to God with regards to how their children were instructed. They've got to be actively involved in it. Homework? Dad's involved. Questions with regards to schooling dad's got to be involved now those at home school what mother does the majority of 99% of it because dad's out earning a living and mom's at home So she has to deal with that as well, but you'll notice as those Proverbs I mentioned about the instruction of the father-in-law the mother they work in concert with one another but the buck stops with dad always has always will be And ultimately they're accountable before God in any regard, whether it's a life or The father's got to work that out, though. He's got to figure out what he wants to do with regards to the schooling of his children. It lands on him. And he can get help if he can. Now, there are those that say, oh, it's got to be exclusively homeschool. And their job is to go around and try to convince everyone of that. Or, you know, it's going to be private school. Or then there are those who are public school and they become, you know, they look down upon those who homeschool. And all of a sudden you have these factions in the church which shouldn't be there at all. We're a family. We're helping one another. We realize that the father is the one that is the authority. Elders have got authority, but our authority only goes so far. I can't go in your home, Lewis, and start going through your cupboards and start telling what kind of carpet you have and that type of stuff. I know. Well, I didn't realize that that bag was so close to the wall. I hope you fix that next time I come over. Okay, good. Make sure it's farther away. and when you said now and like like proverbial in the marketplace and I don't know what parameters what age group you're thinking of but the tantrum or something how how do you implement you stop grocery shopping and go out to a car and then or is it what would be a practical and like to write well how would you One of my sons was infamous of just dropping to the ground and screaming bloody murder. It was loud. It was loud. And when Karen used to take this child of mine to the market, he would scream and yell and she would have to take him to a private place and deal with him. But you know, he just continued to scream. He had a phobia with shopping carts. I don't know. We get him in the car after a half hour, he's screaming. I don't know why this child did that. But the bottom line is that you had to do it privately and you had to do it consistently. And we got to a point where Karen had to do her shopping in the evening. Because why put your child in that temptation where you know he's just going to fall and continue? You have to understand the disposition of your children. You cannot discipline your children in public. God doesn't discipline his church in front of the whole world, does he? It's done privately. done within the confines of the church. And so that's the way we were to discipline our children is privately. It's between you and the child. You don't want to bring shame to your child in front of others. If you're at your parents house or a friend's house and you have to deal with your children, you take them out into a room wherever you can. I remember we were in Canada and my one son was pulling a typical. And so I had to go find some place. I couldn't find a place. So I said, son, we're going to have to wait till later on to deal with this. But you will be dealt with with regards to this. This is wrong. And your children need to know why they're being disciplined. They need to know the rules. You don't make up rules as you go along. No arbitrary rules, too, just because it sounds like a good rule. You should be able to answer the question. Why did I establish this rule? Now, your children can ask why, but they know they can only go so far because They have to be careful. Why, why, why? They become a why machine after a while. And eventually they have to submit to mom and dad and to love mom and dad and realize that mom and dad has been given to them for their good. And so you must discipline them with using prudence, using wisdom. I don't know how you do that. Okay, Melissa. It's important to remember about disciplining your kids, even though it might be easier for the dad to walk away or let the mom do it all. Exactly. Right. Right. Right. Right, right. And you'll find that I'm certain you'll see this. You've got holes in your parenting skills. I see them myself. My kids are 22 and 24. And I still think back of my regrets, even, you know, you're still a parent, even when they're 22 and 24. You never stop being a parent. But you know, you do have to not quit. Don't give up. And it's never too late. Never too late. I've talked to parents, their kids are 13 and 14, and they say it's too late. No, it's not. It's never too late. Well, you know, if you're going to give them over to someone, you can give them the right if you want to discipline them. I remember when we would go away, we had a family here in the church that would watch our sons. My wife and I went away on vacation. We tried to take our kids with us as much as we could on vacation, but there was one vacation we went on. We were gone for a week. We had this one family. I told the father, you have the right if you want to, to use spanking. And he only did it under extreme cases. Usually he was able to talk to them and reason with them. But again, you'll have to know who the people are that are watching your kids. You need to have some wisdom with regards to that. And I would say, if you want to, give them the right to administer corporal punishment if need be or until you get back. Remember, when you get back, they've got to wait. And that thing just kind of hangs over their head. There is a certain amount of wisdom with waiting until you get there to discipline them because you are the sole authority, you and your wife are. So you just have to use wisdom with regards to that. I don't know if I answered your question, but I have a great way of sidestepping things these days and getting out of the way of the bullets. Did you ever have to deal with the fact that when you're there, your kids don't do something because they know they can't get away with it, but then when they're around Karen, You know Karen, right? They didn't get away with anything. My daughter will do things, and she'll say, Daddy's looking, Daddy's looking. Because if it catches my attention, it's like, it's over, you know? But at the same time, am I lazing at it? You know, I wonder, why isn't my wife, why is she letting her talk to her like that, you know? And if I catch it, I'm like, and it's like, it just, right. I don't know how. Well, I think there's something I can talk offline a little bit about, but there needs to be. That's why it's important. Well, that's why it's important that there's unity with mom and dad. You guys have the same rules, the same laws, the same instruction. You're supportive of one another. You never want the child pitting mom against dad or dad against mom, because remember, it's not a contest. It's not a fight. It's not mom and dad against the kid. You're all on the same team. You're bringing them up. But remember that you still have the remaining sin. They're unconverted. You have the world and the devil that is seeking to get their claws on their souls and drag them into hell. That's the bottom line. And the way that God has instructed his people to train their children up will keep them from that place of horrible torment and cause them to be conformed more to the image of Christ. I understand that there are donuts and orange juice. We better get out before the other people come in and take them off. So let's go ahead and give thanks. Father, we thank you for the clear instruction of your word and pray that you might seal these truths to our heart. We pray now for this upcoming hour as we seek to worship you that we would have a blessed time as we lift up your name. before this congregation, and we pray for your blessing to be upon Pastor Hodges as he delivers your truth. Thank you for the patience of your people. We pray, O Father, that you give us much grace to be faithful as parents to our children, that we might lead them to Christ. Hear and answer our requests, Father, for we pray in your Son's name. Amen.