Start out on your handout there with a question that says, is marriage to be endured or enjoyed? Now, I'm starting out with this question to get us thinking, to align ourselves with God's righteous truth. Does God want us to enjoy and thrive in our marriage? If He does, why does it seem that so many are enduring? falling apart, struggling, both in the secular realm around us and even amongst believers in the Lord Jesus Christ. Well, what does God say? Proverbs 18, verse 22 says this, He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Obtains blessing from the Lord. We see here that even God says it's a good thing when a man and a woman come together and it can bring great blessing. Let me tell you a short story about when I was young. I was a young boy and I can remember, I seemed to think that we had a lot of troubles in our family, a lot of difficulty, a lot of, maybe you could use the word, strife. And I was watching other families in our neighborhood and that our family knew. And I thought to myself, I want to be like that family when I grow up. And I had an image that that family was so successful. They had a camaraderie and happiness in their home. They were friendly and affectionate to each other and others that came to their home. Well, as I grew up, I got to know that family quite well. Well, I got to find out that it wasn't as happy and blessed as I really thought it was. There was infidelity in the home. There was quite strong strife between the husband and the wife, the children. They didn't follow all the wishes of their family or so forth. But what I did realize, that even though on the outside I thought it looked really good, The closer I got, I saw difficulty. What's my point? Why is the Lord saying, he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor of the Lord, and yet we see around us all sorts of trouble and difficulty in homes? Well, my conclusion is this. There are no perfect homes. There are really two different kinds of homes in my observation. Growing and maturing or stagnant and eroding. Growing and maturing or stagnant and eroding. It's kind of a continuum. Nothing is just coasting along, but we're either maturing and growing or we're probably just hanging on and probably in some degree eroding. But God has a desire for our homes. See, He desires that the husband and the wife are drawing close to Him, maturing in their own walk, and then getting closer to their God, and then it reflects itself in their relationship horizontally. That's His desire in our lives. Proverbs 18.22, but also Ecclesiastes 9.9 says, "...live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vanity or vain life, which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity. For that is your portion in life and in the labor which you perform under the sun." Live joyfully with the wife that you have. That's God's really desire. The only thing that happens, though, is oftentimes we have trouble in the flesh. There's difficulties. Because of the curse, the man is under toil and stress with the laboring that he has to survive. The wife is under the curse with sorrow and pain and childbirth. And there's then a mutual ruling over in his sinful nature of dominance and hers. She wants to control and manage him. And Paul says, you're going to have trouble in the flesh. But do you know that God wants us to thrive? He wants us to enjoy? He wants us to live a victory above this curse? Because we're new creations in Christ and in abiding in Him, then we as individuals can live in victory and then together in companionship, we can live in victory and we can grow and we can mature. Not reach perfection. We'll never reach that on this side of eternity. But we can be growing. and we can be maturing. And what my objective is, and has been as I've been teaching these truths to this congregation last Sunday and tonight, is that if we can see God's simplistic design, surely we can turn things around, right? This is what the world has. As we looked at last week, Isaiah 29, 16, you've got things all upside down or turned around. And that's what Pastor Rocher was referring to when he mentioned the fact that our presidency is endorsing gay marriage. Those types of things are upside down in God's realm of righteousness and truth. And if we follow in our minds these types of things, we're going to have a home. Only a society that's mixed up in every way, shape, or form. But thanks be to God who always gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. The grace is sufficient. His Word is enough for us to know His truth. His Spirit empowers us as we walk with Christ. He can then upright our homes and we can be growing and maturing instead of eroding and stagnant. And that's our goal, really, is to define in these few studies, first of all, the role and responsibility of the partnership, the husband and the wife. and then also how that interacts with the children in chapter 6, verses 1-4. And last time, I encouraged you that God has a very simplistic design. We see, first of all, unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain that build it. It must be by the grace of God. It must be through the power of the Holy Spirit as we walk with our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. We're emphasizing companionship in our marriages. We are leaving and cleaving and becoming one. We hopefully will see these pillars within the house that the husband and the wife each have roles that are paramount and responsibilities. And otherwise, the house becomes kiddywampus and eventually turned all upside down. And as I mentioned, this role and responsibility of the children, that is not a supporting wall. Some homes will have children, some will not. The real key is the foundation and the pillars that support this home of the husband and the wife. And again, when you fill it with riches of grace and forgiveness and unconditional love, then we can dwell with our wives in unity as the Lord desires. Is it possible? Absolutely. Is it hard work? Yes. As my mother-in-law told me before I said, I do, Scott, it's the hardest work you'll ever do in your life. I didn't believe her until a few years into our marriage. Then I realized what she meant. But again, as I mentioned last time, God has a simplistic design. He has made it so simple, Phil, that in the difficulties of life, in the stress, and in the distractions, we can go back to his simple design all the time. We don't need these PhDs in psychology to tell us how to make it work. God has boiled it down to keep it very simple. As I mentioned, in His design, He has two people, one leading and one following. It is the most effective and most harmonious relationship design ever made. One that leads and one that follows. Now would you please turn back with me to Ephesians chapter 5. We're going to anchor in Ephesians chapter 5 for most of the night, only jumping a little bit here and there. But as I said, I want to, in my prayer, that I'd like to make it understandable in its details and very practical. I told someone after the message last week that I really want to make it very clear and even a little bit so that it hurts. So when we understand it, we say, ooh, yeah, that's me. Or, oh yeah, we do that in our home. And hopefully we can see even in God's simple design a remedy. Look with me if you would please at Ephesians chapter 5 verse 22. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. And we see here in God's simplistic design the wife's responsibility to submit to her husband. And in verse 23 we see, for the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church and He is the Savior of the body. And so the husband's role is as head. It is very simple. One leads, and we're going to see in just a minute how that's the main responsibility of the head is to lead, and one responsibility to follow. If you can go back to those roles when you're having difficulty and strife and division, you'll go back to God's simplistic design. Verse 24, The church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. So the wife's role of submission is compared to the church's role of submission to Jesus Christ. And so we see here a very simplistic design by God. He wants us to understand it. Then when we get into verse 25 through 32, we see the husband's role. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. And we will see the rest of this love responsibility later on in our studies. But then he summarizes it for us. Here in verse 33, Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. In summary, he makes it very simple for us. Husband and wives, their responsibility is simply to love and to respect. So when I'm struggling, and I want to get back into a right relationship, I seek to go back to what's God's plan. I'm to lead. Okay, let's lead out of this difficulty with my wife. And what's my main thing? Love. How can I lovingly lead out of this difficulty? And a wife, when she's having struggles with her husband, she should go right back to this summary. Okay, I'm to follow my husband. I'm to show him respect. So in the midst of our strife and difficulty, am I showing him respect? When you go back to the simple design, that's how you can even then come out of your struggles or your difficulties. We go back to God's design. And lastly, or I should say finally here, in the children, in chapter 6, it says, Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and your mother. So, the child's responsibility is to simply obey and honor their parents. And if that's true, they go back into lying. Instead of fighting in their minds their parents and wanting to function outside their guidance, their love, their protection, their provision, they put themselves back under when they're thinking correctly. And lastly, for the fathers and mothers, verse 4, and you fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture or the training and the admonition of the Lord. So the father's responsibility towards their children is to not provoke, but to nurture them and correct them. And so God has this simple design. And so we go back to God's design every day. Don't try and go outside of it and function outside of his parameters, but go back in line with his plan, his blueprint, his perfect divine design. So we go back to the premise. Unless the Lord builds the house, Scott and Beth labor in vain. Unless the Lord builds the house, fill in your name, you are laboring in vain. Now, you can work so hard at this marriage in your own strength or follow psychological tips and you know, you might have some success. You might be able to endure. But without the Lord, without His design, I don't believe you can truly thrive and be just delighted in your marriage. I don't think so. Now, maybe some have shown me differently, could show me differently in this world. But you go back to God's design. He's the architect, He's the one who knows because He's the creator and He can then show us how our lives are not upside down but right side up. And as I mentioned before, under every culture, under every people group, under every economic status of rich or poor, God's simplistic design is not in vain but very functionally effective and brings great blessing both in time and in eternity to the family. You go back to the grace of God. You go back to all that He provides. You walk by faith in it. And you keep laboring. Is it hard work? Yes. Is God's grace sufficient? Amen. Yes, it is. We go back to that blueprint. And we're not laboring in vain. Now, what we want to do is, again, quickly review the simplistic design for the wife's role, and then we're going to go on to the headship of the man. And God's worthy walk for a wife in the Christian home. And I might say, God is not speaking to the whole world. The book of Ephesians is to the church. And to those people who have named the name of Jesus Christ by faith and are now children of God, the people of God, which we sang about and now it's His plan. And we see that the wives are commanded to submit to their own husbands. Again, verse 22. Wives, this is for all wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. Now what does this mean? We looked at it last time. It's to rearrange yourself under an authority. The word Hupotasso is used in a number of ways in the Scriptures. But specifically, he's saying here, wives, arrange yourselves under the authority of your own husband. Now, it's a voluntary submission. It's in the present tense, which means continually, without stopping, keep on submitting. Now, it's your choice. It's in the middle voice. Submission is voluntary in the middle voice. Sorry, I keep lowering it and trying to get it here. It's in the present tense continually. Don't stop. It's in the middle voice. You do it to yourself and you're doing it with personal benefits. When you arrange yourself under your husband in the middle voice, it's indicating that you yourself are voluntarily arranging yourself under his authority. And in the middle voice, it almost always indicates that it's a personal benefit to the individual who applies it to themselves. We also saw that it's in the imperative mood. It is a command. It's a must. It is the will of God. It's not a forced submission by the husband. It's voluntary, but it's commanded by God Almighty. And what is her desire? The last four words? As to the Lord. There's a vertical component here. A vertical component says, I want to do this to please and to obey my Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. Now, you take it as a fact, this is God's Word, He is instructing wives to arrange themselves under their own husbands, which will please and bring blessing to themselves. And again, it all starts in this vertical relationship with their Savior. Now, these delegated authorities we saw last week are throughout the Scriptures, and that submission as a whole is a very good thing. It starts in the Trinity with the Son and the Spirit being subject to the Father, and then in the angelic realm, angels are subject to God, and then in the human realm, we are subject to God, and then He has delegated authorities, principalities and powers in the angelic realm, and then different governmental, civil authorities, then in the church and in the home, all for functional effectiveness, all for blessing for those. And so, God has designed this for our good. Now, let me just show you quickly that as I was reading even some other things between Sunday and Wednesday, I happened to come across all these different verses throughout the Scriptures where God is just saying repeatedly, Arrange yourself under your own husbands. We see this in Colossians 3, verse 18. Wives, submit to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord. It means as is right in the Lord, as good in the Lord. Genesis 3, verse 16, He will rule over you. It's a part of God's design after the fall in the garden, that the husbands will have authority over their wives, i.e., with our sin nature, we take it to an end, an unbiblical end at times, we meaning husbands, but it is God's design. Titus 2, verse 5, to the wives, be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed. You can see this throughout the Scriptures, this implication and this instruction to the wives. 1 Peter 3.1, You wise, be submissive to your own husbands. Same principle, great passage, and it ends with 1 Peter 3.5, being submissive to their own husbands. We looked at that passage in a little bit of detail last Sunday. So, we see that this is a fact to be accepted, or a truth that's to be accepted, a direct instruction from the Savior, from the Lord, to the wives, and it's something that is found throughout Scripture. And you go back, ladies, to your grace walk with the Lord. You go back to your Christian fellowship with Him. You cannot produce this in your own sin nature. in your own flesh, in your own strength, but it's a supernatural requirement by God. It's done by the Holy Spirit within us as we're walking in fellowship with our Savior in accordance to His Word, and the Spirit of God then gives us that ability. Go back to the basics in our walk to go back to the simplicity of God's, or to execute God's simplicity of design. And again, this submission is not something that the ladies just pull out and it's exclusive to them. It's for all Christians. It's for all believers. And we see this in so many ways here, that as Christians, as individuals, as believers, as wives, as servants, as congregations, we see that this submission is something that's very good. Arranging ourselves voluntarily under an authority over us. It is in the realm of deity with the Godhead. It is in the angelic realm. It is in the believers and it brings blessing and a functionally effective life for the Christian. But, let's balance this out a little bit like we did on Sunday. There's some misconceptions about submission. And misconceptions like, it's a bad thing. Submission is a bad thing. That's bad press. And it's the thought of an anarchist. I'm not going to submit to anybody. I'm going to run my own life. And God says, no you're not. I am putting authorities over you and there's always problems when we fight. God's delegated authority. What's interesting is one of the books that teaches submission the most is 1 Peter. And 1 Peter are the persecuted Christians of the Roman Empire, and he's telling them to submit as citizens to that authority that is persecuting them. And that's where we get 1 Peter 3. Just as Christ was submissive, even we're to follow in that same thing. Submission encourages abuse. No, it doesn't. Not in and of itself. That's all from man's sinful nature. That's where abuse always comes from. It's humiliating. No, it isn't. It's the will of God and the Son even demonstrated submission to the Father. Submission makes wives inferior. No, we'll see that in a minute. Submission makes wives a child or a slave to their husbands. No, it doesn't. No, it's a different word. Hupotasso is for obedience of children and servants. Hupotasso is a voluntary submission that that individual or group chooses before the Lord. And the wife is in bondage if she submits to her husband. I put forth to you, she has the most freedom when she follows God's role and within God's realm and will for her, under the power of the Holy Spirit, she is the most free. She's freed up to be everything that God has designed her to be. Now, let's clarify on the husband's role. The husband is declared that he is the head of the wife. God declares the husband is the head of the wife. Head indicates a position of leadership, position of authority, position of responsibility in the church. I presented it to you on Sunday morning. That's indicative mood. Look with me if you would at verse 23. For the husband is, I've underlined it in my Bible, is head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body. These are all declaratory statements of fact. They're not to be arm-wrestled. They're not to be obeyed. This is just simply to accept. The Lord is making a statement. It's called indicative in the Greek. It indicates, indicative, indicates a fact. I am to just take this as fact. For example, in the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. It's indicative. It's a statement of fact. Here, The husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of the church and he is the savior of the body. And it indicates that he is a leader. He guides the home as a captain guides or steers a ship from the helm. He functions as a governor of a state, a president of a nation, as a mayor of a city, or a CEO of a business, or a coach of a sports team, or a general or commander or admiral of a military unit. Are these men any better than the armed forces under them? No. Than the players under the coach? No. It's a functional role in order to effectively work together as a group. And it's God's design. The husband is the head. In other words, husbands, the buck stops with you. That's what he's saying. And it's at that time that I say, oh no, are we in trouble. till I get my eyes off of me and I get my eyes on to the Lord and then it's okay. By the grace of God, I am what I am. Now who is our great example? It's the Lord Jesus Christ. He is the head of the church and He is the Savior of the body. So we see in Colossians 1.18, and He is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning. the firstborn from the dead, that in all things he may have the preeminence." So what is he saying? He's saying Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of the body. So, the husband takes the role as the head of the home just as Christ takes the role of the head of the church. He is the guider. the leader of this unit. And in the spiritual realm, every believer has a head which is our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. And when a woman marries, she marries a husband and he becomes the head. That's the context here. He is the head. We understand that He is the Savior of the body. Now, the example is not that the husband is the Savior of the home. He isn't. But He is the head. And what's so thrilling is when we see how great the Lord Jesus Christ is and all that He has done for the church, we can then see where the husbands love your wives from verse 25 and following fits in. Let me just take a couple of moments to explain this Savior of the body. If you're here this morning and you do not understand, or this evening, do not understand clearly Jesus Christ as Savior, you must understand that when He came into the world, He came in to be a sacrificial substitutionary payment for your sins and for mine. And as He took our place on the cross and died for our sins, He then can save us from our sins, from our penalty. In the position of being a slave to sin, we are in what the Bible calls Adam. And in Adam is a positional truth which we are born physically into this position. Our first physical birth put us into this world in Adam. And in Adam, all die. We have a spiritual death when we're born physically. We love to see pictures of our grandchildren. But, when they came into this world, they were dead spiritually to God. As beautiful as they are physically to us, they are separated from God. And it manifests themselves when they start saying, No! When they start disobeying, when they start deceiving, when they start looking and manipulating, and they're going to do it their own way. Our sin is demonstrated as we grow, but our sin nature was there from conception. And until we trust in Jesus Christ who is the Savior, we will perish if we die. without Christ. And perishing means we'll be separated from God forever and ever in a place called the Lake of Fire. Tormented because of our existence eternally separated from God. And the only remedy is a Savior to save us from our sins, which is the Lord Jesus Christ. Turn with me, if you would. We'll come back here in just a moment to 2 Timothy chapter 1. 2 Timothy chapter 1. Now, the word Savior is throughout the Scriptures. Jesus Christ is the one who saves and He is declared to be the Savior. We find in 2 Timothy 1, we'd like to start in verse 8. 2 Timothy 1, verse 8. Paul is writing to his fellow companion, Timothy, and he says, Therefore, do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me, his prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began, but has now been revealed by the appearing of our Savior, Jesus Christ, who has abolished death and brought life and immortality to light through the gospel." And so, Paul is saying, don't be ashamed of this gospel message, Timothy, but instead be a partaker with me of the sufferings that's associated with it. And I like what he says there, as he says in verse 9, who? God has saved us. See, with a Savior you can be saved. And called us with a holy calling. It is not according to our works. See, a dead man cannot do good works before God. And I use that word spiritually dead. He is incapable of having a relationship with God because he's separated with Him. He has a sinful nature and he cannot produce any good works before a holy, righteous God. So, it's not by our works or according to our works, but in contrast, it's according to His own purpose and grace. God has a purpose in all of this, and it's designed by His grace, which means God freely gives it to those who deserve the exact opposite. We cannot merit it, nor can we earn it, but it's according to His own purpose and grace, which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began. This has been God's plan from eternity. but has now been revealed by the appearance. See, Jesus Christ has always been for all time, but He appeared. He was incarnate. He came and He lived for thirty years. He had a public ministry for three years, and then He died on that cross when the Roman officials nailed Him. And all of our sins by God was poured out upon Him for three hours of darkness. And He cried out, My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me? And then he cried out, it is finished. It's been paid in full. And so this gospel message is a message of grace, a message of Jesus Christ. He is the Savior, our Savior Jesus Christ. And he's abolished death. He's put it away. And he's brought life and immortality to life. through the gospel. And we all get a hold of this gospel message or this Savior by faith. And then we're placed in Christ Jesus. And now, as a child of God with all the riches of Christ, we can be example in our homes, both of the church as a wife follows and as the Lord as a head who leads. indicative illustration here, I have that Christ is the head of this body, the Church. The moment an individual trusts in Jesus Christ as their Savior, by the baptism of the Holy Spirit, they're placed into Christ. And so all of us are co-equal in Christ. Husbands, wives, male, female, old, young, whoever trusts in Jesus Christ, we are the Church. And Jesus Christ is the leader. He is out front. He has the purpose and the plan, and by the grace of God, we can follow Him. This is God's design. A spiritual body, a literal head, the Lord Jesus Christ, and then as individuals in the local church, we're responsible to the Lord, but there's functional distinctions for effective working and striving together for the faith of the gospel. And just as in the local church these are grace positions, it is also true in the home. Because every head, the type of head he is, he's a grace head. He's totally by the grace of God. We are what we are by the grace of God. And when you trust the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior, you're a grace child of God. When you say, I do, as a Christian man and a Christian wife, you become a grace head husband in that home. Not self-appointed by choice, but appointed by the Lord. It's a divine appointment of grace because He says, I will provide the needed grace for that head. For the husband is the head of the wife. If this was true in the home, it is true also of deity. In other words, God is the head of Christ. 1 Corinthians 11 says, but I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God. So, if this is true here, and the context is husbands and wives in 1 Corinthians 11, and authority, If this is a grace position, head, also you see that this is not a humiliating or embarrassing position because the head of Christ is God. The leader of Jesus Christ, or the Son, is His Father. So again, we as husbands are grace heads in our homes. abide in our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, then we can be a maturing and growing believer and then growing head in the home. Now, let me give you some clarifications regarding the headship of the husband. Some clarifications. Would you please go back with me, if you would, to Ephesians chapter 5? some clarifications about this headship. Now, we talked about ladies and their submission quite a bit on Sunday morning. I want to elaborate on this headship in the home of the man. Verse 23, for the husband is the head of the wife. Now, it does not say, for the husband is the dictator of the wife. Let me clarify, headship does not equate or does not mean or is not equal to a dictator. Husband is not to walk around the house screaming orders, barking out commandments. Now, is there a time where a man might give a direct instruction to his wife? Yes. Maybe on a numerous occasion, depending on the situation. But as a head, we don't think of ourselves as, I'm the ruling dictator. I have autocratic rule and I have say of everything. I don't want to hear it from anyone else. No, that's an imbalance. Never should a man think of himself as the dictator of the home. An abuse of power in the home will lead to imposed problems. And so we want to recognize as a grace head of the home, my responsibility is not to dictate like anyone who demands his way to everyone. Show me, I'm going to have this TV, this boat, this camper, this new gun, this whatever else, because I'm dictator. Or you can see yourself as pompous and up over everyone. And that no one else has a worthy opinion but you. Or you can run around the house and think that you're in charge like Rambo. Blowing things up, shooting, pulling your knife, your spiritual words or your comments as knives. Did you ever see that movie on the border of Burma? This is Rambo's last movie there. He saved most of the Burmese from the... Anyways, that's another story. Under most religions around the world, the man takes the form as a dictator. Let me repeat, under most religions, if not all, the man assumes the position of a dictator. This has shown itself in Muslim. Islam, the wife is to follow, according to the Quran, four steps behind, and things like this. We see even in Buddhist and Hindu cultures, the women are abused and dictated. This is a couple of series of pictures I found on the internet, and it literally showed this man beating his wife publicly. And this was the final one. You see her face, it's all puffed up. She was being publicly beaten and somebody took pictures and put it on the internet. What a shame. What a shame. An abuse of God's design. I'm not assuming that he's saved or anything. But what about a head? You know, sometimes in our own flesh, we don't want to be the heads, do we man? But you go back to what's my primary role? What is my primary role? But by the grace of God, my primary role is to lead. I'm here to provide direction. I have an office or I have a position of leadership in the home. Think of it as a ship, your home. You're simply like the sea captain. And in stormy waters, you're looking ahead. You're looking according to the truth of God's Word. You're providing guidance. Think of it in the realm of a coach. You're preparing. You're looking ahead. Or even a business leader. Or even civic authority. They're providing direction on the big picture. Do they make all the decisions? No. Do they perform all the work? No. Do they get their hands dirty at times? Yes. This is primarily leadership. It's an office to provide direction, to provide guidance, to provide resources and support to accomplish a goal and a task. In the home, what is the goal to be accomplished? What is the task that we want to fulfill in our homes? The will of God. So the husband is giving compass direction for that home as an admiral on a ship to head towards fulfilling the will of God. Even under difficult times, you need to provide that resource and guidance. He's looking to, in a sense, the Word of God or technology. Think what Joshua said on a spiritual level. Joshua said in Joshua 24.15, "'And if it seems evil to you,' these were all the leaders of Israel, "'to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, "'whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the river, "'or the gods of the Amorites in whom the land you dwell. "'But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.'" So as a primary role of the head of the home, you're saying in your heart, and then with provision of direction, guidance, resources, and support, you're saying, we will serve the Lord to seek to fulfill the Lord's will. Now, what's interesting, without a leader, without a good leader, without a spiritual leader, without a growing leader in the home, you end up like the cruise ship in Italy, where that individual was Francisco Gentino, I think was his name. And that ship, for his own pleasure, according to the media, of course you can't always believe that, but he went too close to shore, he abandoned ship while there was still a lot of passengers on, and he wasn't providing good guidance, he wasn't providing resources and direction, and there was a what? A crash. The ship crashed. Another misunderstanding. Now remember, your primary role is leading. Headship does not imply the superiority of the husband, but his functional difference in the marriage. So he's providing a functional difference in the marriage. Just again, as we saw, 1 Corinthians 11.3, But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of a woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. And so, this functional difference even in the Godhead is not an issue of superiority because it's co-equal Godhead. It's also the same in the home. We're co-equal in Christ Jesus. And then we can see even this principle that headship of the Godhead, in other words, the Father and the headship of the man, has to do with the difference in function, not superiority of person or essence, not superiority of the individual. It's all about your position in Christ. You provide a functional position or role in the home, even though you're co-equal in Christ, and you are then able to work together to fulfill the will of God. Now again, co-equal in Jesus Christ. We both have an equal standing in Him. But the husbands are here, again, we'll see, next week that husbands are to love. That's the number one instruction. And when husbands are loving their wives, then a wife can then open up and be all that she should be like an opening up of a rose. I like that illustration. It bothers me when I go to Sam's Club or somewhere, buy some roses and they never open up. And God's design in the home for the husband as the head is to love his wife and then that way she can be all that she should be and she can open up in that freedom and fulfill in that home God's perfect design. Another misconception is that headship does not mean that the husband is the exclusive decision maker without delegation and discussion. In other words, he is not the one who is always making the decisions, though he is ultimately the final decision maker. But in every institution we have a balance of authority and power. In other words, man can delegate under his coaching as an assistant coach or under a military situation from a general to a sergeant or whoever is underneath him. And so there's a delegation, just like in the home. The wife has many authorities that she can oversee within that home. And you want to have a balance in that authority and you don't want to have a struggle all the time. But as she sees herself as following the leader and as the husband is the head and he's leading, he can delegate and discuss. So delegation is shared responsibility. And this responsibility can be over budgets, over activities in the home, over certain responsibilities. And also the wife and the husband, as they recognize their strengths and their weaknesses, God can then allow the wise delegation and discussion of certain responsibility. It's interesting when you get to Proverbs 31 and it says that of this virtuous woman that her husband safely trusts in her. So just as Christ gives us freedoms underneath his headship, God is, or man is entrusting, husbands are entrusting to their wives many responsibilities. But again, in the illustration of a head and a body, listen, men, to your wives. They have great feedback to us on our appearance, on our behavior, on our words, and maybe even on our decisions. They might say, your breath is really bad. The way you talk to so-and-so, they were really, really hurt by what you said. That's the way I talk all the time. Well, we need some feedback, man. And as our body is giving sensory feedback to our head, so also we should listen very well in our discussion and our dialogue with our wives. That's where companionship comes in. But when there's a power struggle, it's hard to discuss. You're always fighting. Who's going to lead? Who's going to follow? i.e. there's leadership styles. Some men are very quiet. They say very few words. But as a wife aligns herself mentally underneath the designated grace head in her home, she can listen carefully and she can even weigh with her words. Even though she's really good at speaking and she can say a lot more words than her husband can in a lot shorter time, she can probably win almost every argument with her husband. But he's quiet. He has to take a little time to think of it. You know, honey, let me think about that for a while. I don't have time. We've got to do this, we've got to do this. There's different leadership styles. And so recognize that in your home. Husbands and wives and dialogue about that. Discuss that. But what happens when you have to make a decision and you do not agree? What happens? Well, you know what? This happens on a regular basis. Well, I would say two words. Dialogue and defer to start with. In other words, talk about it, discuss it, and then defer. Put it off if you need to and pray about it. Think about it. Discuss it again. And then, if not, then the husband has the final say as the head. Now, what I'm not saying is the wife has to concur every time. You know that headship and submission is not because she only can concur. She comes to it, well, okay, now I agree, now I'll submit. No, that's not submission. That's just agreement. Submission is, okay, I'll arrange myself under, I'll give my husband the respect that the position is worthy of, not necessarily he's always walking worthy of it, and now I'll let him lead. But a wise husband is saying, honey, you have a strong input in this, I want to know. But there's also times where there's decisions that have to be made. I've used the illustration, the first car we bought as a couple, I bought while she was at work. When she came home after work and I told her about it, it was before cell phones, she couldn't believe it. How could I buy a car without her? It just so happens it was in the paper and if I didn't snap it up right then, we weren't going to get it. You know what? The guy told me when I came to pick it up with the money on Monday morning, he says, I had 20 calls for that car after you came and laid down the $100. So that was helpful for my argument. Do you remember that time? Again, agreement is the optimum, is the best. It's what you're striving for. But you go back and if husband and wife are walking with the Lord. Now, I say in simple design, go back to your vertical walk. Dialogue about it. You know, you go back to Adam and Eve. Eve functioned independently of Adam. She took of the fruit. It was chaos. God had given Adam the real command before she was even created. And Abraham and Sarah, you know, sometimes he listened to her and he shouldn't have when he took Hagar as his wife. That wasn't a good decision. Yet, God also had him listen to Sarah when he cast out the bondwoman in Genesis 21. So there's a time to disagree. There's a time to dive. And there's a time where a man has to make a decision without checking with his wife. And you know what? Then you just give that to the Lord and you trust Him. His grace will be sufficient. Now what happens when the husbands make a foolish decision? My wife is saying right now, that looks like you, honey. In the backyard, it's like, don't do that. Oh, I'm fine. I've done this a hundred times. And you break a leg, right? You know what? Instead of manipulation, and I mentioned to the early crew on Sunday morning, having a battle plan, instead of manipulating or trying to manage the decision, that's what a manipulation is. I'm going to manage, I'm going to skillfully Get this to go my way. That's what you could call manipulation. Just trust the Lord. He is going to make foolish decisions. In fact, you can take out your pen and you can go right like this. Because it's not if, it's when. There is not a leader on the face of the earth that makes every decision correct. But, as we must lead, Someone must follow. And so, yes, we are going to make some bad decisions. And when we do, before we see it happening, respectfully give some input. Honey, please don't do that. That's just an example. Some way, in a respectful way, give some input before. And afterwards, forgive him. Support him. Work through it. And trust the Lord. If it's a really difficult situation, you know, there might be some real difficult consequences. But it is not, it's not good. It's not good to fight over these things. Give your respectful input and then trust the Lord. God is sovereign over your husband. God is sovereign over our situation. You know, here's this illustration of this ship captain. You know, his one foolish decision, if what they're saying is true, and what we've heard, his one foolish decision cost many people's lives. Great, great consequences. You know, that's why it's risky when a woman gets married. You want to marry, first of all, character, ladies. Not appearance. Can I repeat that? First, marry character. because character will go on when that frail body disintegrates on earth. But the point is, you want a companionship of character, and you should be attracted to the individual, I would say that, but the consequences of putting yourself under his headship is significant. And I think some women would even defer and say, I'm not getting married because it's too risky. Great consequences. Now, again, God's sovereignty and God's grace are sufficient even when He makes a poor decision. So, ladies, keep walking by faith. Men, go back to the basics. Go back to the Word of God. Go back to the principles of the Word of God. Go back to His simple design for the home. Now again, fourthly, the headship does not mean that the husband is always right, but it does mean he is always responsible for his family. You know, the husband is always responsible. And the list goes on of what God, I believe, is going to hold the men responsible for, but primarily if you put it in two categories, spiritually and materially. Spiritually, to guide the home. Times of prayer, he should be leading and initiating. Initiating, sometimes of sitting down and looking at God's Word, reading His Word, ministering in the home, memorizing verses, Corporate worship at the church. Leading to come to the service. Leading in the spiritual walk like Joshua said, for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. And also materially. He should sense a burden to provide or provision for the home. And to use that money, time, and resource in a wise way. 1 Timothy 5.8 says, he's worse than an unbeliever when he's not providing. So again, he's not necessarily right. The husband should not think of himself as always right, but instead be willing to very much listen to his wife. Now, Genesis 2.18 says this, And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone, but I will make him a helper comparable to him. We go back to God's design when we think of the fact that he's not right, but he wants to dwell with his companion. And he wants to feel a sense of responsibility to his companion, and she should see herself, even as God's perfect design, as a helper comparable to him. And in just quick review, we've looked at this in the past at Duluth Bible Church, but a wife is designed by God to be a companion and helper comparable, and she is there to help fulfill God's will in the life. in his life. So, you look at this companionship, and as a husband says, well, I'm not right all the time. I need the input of my companion, my comparable helper, God's person who fulfills me and who assists in this goal of fulfilling the Lord's will. This helper is someone, again, who assists to reach a complete fulfillment. Comparable means she's suitable and corresponding counterpart. She is not a surrogate slave. She is not someone inferior. She's comparable. She's co-equal in Christ. But she is suited for the objective of companions to work together with one leading, one following, and so the man should not think, I'm here and I'm right. No, she's a companion. She's a helper. And we'll see next week, he is to primarily love her, which is his role towards his wife. Now, what's the hardest part of being a godly husband? What's the hardest part? Turn with me, if you would, to Titus 2. Okay, this headship. What makes it so hard? Turn with me, if you would, to Titus 2. I believe that the really most difficult thing, now in your handout there, I missed the first couple of words there. The hardest part of being a godly husband. I think you're missing a couple of words there. The hardest part is really maturing as a man and maturing as a man of God. I think that's hardest because when you're maturing, then you can be an effective head and lead the home. Look with me at Titus chapter 2 and we'll start in verse 2. Well, we'll read verse 1. But as for you, speak the things which are proper for sound doctrine, that the older men be sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith and in love and in patience, the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanders, not given to wine, given to much wine, but teachers of good things." So we see here, he's saying that sound doctrine will lead to older men being sober, reverent, temperate, sound in faith, in love, and in patience. He's talking here that these men are sober, they're clear-headed in their thinking. The opposite of being sober would be drunk or out of sort in your thinking. You're sober, you're in order. Reverent means you're worthy of respect by other individuals. They regard you highly for your behavior and your standard. Temperate means he remains under control. He stays calm during difficult, stressful situations. And He is sound in faith, love, and patience. So He is a continual truster of God. He has healthy faith in His Savior, in the Word of God, in the plan of God for His home. He is sound in love. He's consistent. He's not fickle in how He loves His God. He loves His Savior. He loves His wife and family. He's a lover of good things. And he is sound in patience. He endures under difficult situations. He perseveres. He's not a quitter. He can bear a load of spiritual responsibility. That's the difficulty of being a good head in the home. This comes over time with walking with the Lord Jesus Christ, taking heed to yourself and to the doctrine, continuing in them, for in doing this thou shalt both save yourself and those that hear thee. 1 Timothy 4.16. That's what it's hard. It's growing up. What's the key? You know what? Don't sit and seek your own. That's what we do naturally. Philippians 1.21. All seek their own and not the things of Jesus Christ. And when men don't grow up, little boys get married and they just live for themselves and they bring on all sorts of havoc. So your objective then would be grow spiritually before you're married, men and women, because you bring into that relationship who you are. The key? is growing. Just stay in fellowship with the Lord. Stay in the inner circle. Trust the Lord. Walk by faith. Take heed to yourself. And over time, as you're abiding in the vine, He will then bring fruit and maturity. You know, Absalom's our example in the Old Testament. You know what he was busy doing all the time? Making a monument for himself. It was all about Absalom. You know who else? Right along with him was Saul. He went to Carmel and indeed He set up a monument for Himself. It was all about them. You know, we're going to see next week, husbands love your wives. It's all an expression outward. I lead the home in love. I lead the home as my Savior does the church, in loving, sacrificial leadership, i.e., by the grace of God, i.e., by all the grace resources He provides. But that's what's going to bring into your home the stability that leadership, God's divine design, can only bring. Does it take time? Yes. I wish I knew when I said I'd do what I know today, because then I could have avoided a lot of other difficulties. It was only a few years after I was saved, we got married, and we had to learn a lot of these things the hard way. And by the grace of God, though, you can stick with it and He can then fulfill. Lastly, misconception. Headship is never to be demanded or commanded by the husband. Again, this submission is unto the Lord. It's toward her Savior. And so, by the grace of God, she then applies it to herself and then, i.e., the family. will then function as a very effective unit. And as the husband then leads, and the wife follows, then God's will can be patterned like Christ in the church. There's great glory to our Savior, great honor to the Christian church, and then there's great blessing, practical blessing in the home. Is it easy? No, it's impossible without the grace of God, without the Spirit of God, without that walk with your Savior. Otherwise, like I said, when we're seeking our own, we're going to demand it, we're going to impose it, we're going to fulfill a lot of these misconceptions. Let's bow and we'll conclude in prayer. Heavenly Father, thank You for Your truth. Thank You for even the grace that You give us each day. We praise You. We thank You. And just ask, Father, You direct in our hearts tonight that first of all, we would all submit to the head of the church, our Savior, Jesus Christ, and that we would follow His leading. We know, Father, that this message is for your children. If there's anyone in this audience or listening that they are not saved, they have not trusted in Jesus Christ, the Savior, the head, that they would trust in Him and Him alone. I ask, Father, again, Your will could be done on a practical level. Let us not give up, but let us be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in Your work in our homes. And know that our labor is not in vain, for You are building our homes. To You we give the glory and honor. In Christ's name, Amen. Thank you again. I apologize I went a little bit long tonight. Again, would you please pray for the Coivisto family as the funeral will be first the next week, probably Tuesday, and I'll be meeting with the family tomorrow. It's been a very difficult trial for them. One other note is that I was able to talk to Samuel today. on Skype, and he's going into the mountains starting Friday. I shared with you last week some of those things. He's going with two other men up into the mountains, and they're meeting Ampey, which was a student in the Grace Training Center, and he'll be teaching pastors in the mountains on the border of India for at least two weeks. So please keep him in prayer. With that, thank you.