But I want to read, just to give us a focal thought, from Exodus 20, 12. This will be a familiar passage, one of the Ten Commandments, where it says, Honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee. May God bless the reading and hearing of his word. Well, today I want us to focus on the question, what are the biblical duties and obligations of children to parents? And as I said this morning, children, next or week after next, we're going to talk about the duties of parents to children. You see, these instructions to households are never one sided. It never says just this is the way wives are to respond to husbands, but it also says this is the way husbands are to respond to wives. And it never just says this is the way children are to respond to parents, but it also says this is the way parents are to respond to children. Now, we're going to focus today on the duties of children to parents, but never you worry. We're going to talk also about the duties that parents have towards their children. Certainly, there are some universal elements in the duties that children have to parents. I think that God is woven into life. So even if you're not a Christian, even if you don't know the Lord, there are some duties, elemental duties that children, even who aren't Christians, ought to bear towards parents. But I think these duties are particularly applicable, children, if you say that you're a Christian. It's very interesting when Paul wrote to the churches in Ephesus and Colossians and he gave what is called the household code, which we'll read some later on. He addressed specifically children. And I think he was particularly speaking to Christian children who were in those local churches and telling them about this particular duties that as believers they had towards their parents. And he usually, I think, is anticipating a situation where Christian parents and Christian children, what are their mutual obligations and duties one to another? I want to trace five duties that I think children have toward parents, and Christian children particularly have toward their parents. The first is this, children have the duty of honoring and respecting father and mother. Children have the duty of honoring and respecting father and mother. This is, of course, the essence of the fifth commandment, which I just read from Exodus chapter 20 and verse 12. And you'll notice that in the ten commandments, this commandment has a pride of place. The Ten Commandments generally are divided into two tables. The first table has to do with man's responsibilities toward God. We have no gods before God. We're not to make any graven images. We're not to take God's name in vain. We are to remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy. Those are man's obligations to God. But then the final six commandments are man's relationship to his fellow man. And you might think that perhaps the first of those would be you shall not murder. That would seem to be fundamental, right? The respect for life. But that's not the way that the Ten Commandments are ordered. In the second table of the law, the one that has the pride of place is that children are to honor father and mother. Why is that? Well, I think it's because the Lord has given a priority, is spelling out a priority in human relationships and within the family that is for the spiritual good of children. And then for the spiritual good of families, and for the spiritual good of churches, and for the spiritual good of society at large, that children would honor their mother and father. And that becomes the groundwork for all the other duties that we have to our fellow human beings. That will flow from this then, don't kill, don't commit adultery, don't bear false witness, don't steal, don't covet. All these other duties will flow from the fountainhead of there being honor and respect for mother and father. Of course, the principle embedded in the fifth commandment goes beyond our duties within the family. As the Catechism points out, this fifth commandment requires the preserving the honor and performing the duties belonging to everyone in their several places and relations as superiors, inferiors, or equals. And so it thus calls on not only a proper disposition of children towards parents who are your superiors, who are older than you, who are the ones who are responsible for you, it requires a proper disposition of children towards parents, but also the principles in this commandment also govern the attitude that people who are employees should have towards their bosses and employers, the attitudes that church members should have towards the officers in the church, The attitudes that citizens should have towards those who are in civil authority, the magistrates. That's why even children, if we don't like our president, we don't agree with his political positions. We should still honor and respect him. Even if we don't agree with him. And children, sometimes with your parents, even if you have a disagreement with them. You're still under obligation. from God's law to honor and respect them and to treat them honorably and respectfully. Children, again, are to show honor in, I think the bedrock is a respectful attitude toward their parents. They are to speak respectfully to their parents. One way this is evidenced is by saying sir and ma'am. when addressing parents. They ask a question. I think the answer ought to be, yes, sir. No, sir. Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am. That's not just a Southern gentility, but it is based on an intentional way reflected in your language of showing honor and respect. And that also probably ought to be governing the way we speak to all who are elders. We also, I think, embedded in this commandment, this idea of honoring, respecting parents is that when we listen to our parents and when we speak to them, we should do that in a respectful way. How do you listen to and speak with your parents in a respectful way? Well, you do that the way you respectfully listen and speak with anyone. You face them. I'll take Grace as an example here. You face them directly. You have an open posture. You're willing to make eye contact. You're willing to listen. In a child's case, you're willing to be deferential. Compare this with this. Turning, arms crossed. I'm not going to listen to you. You can't tell me what to do or how to behave. One way we show honor and respect is through honorable speech. through honorable posture, honorable response to our parents. We are not to speak ill publicly of our parents or I think publicly to disagree with them. Though a child certainly might seek privately to entreat the parents in cases where there might have been injustices or disagreements or misunderstandings in order to seek further understanding But I think publicly, children should respond respectfully and not attempt to disagree publicly with their parents. In the Old Testament, perhaps the premier example of a child dishonoring a parent is the rebellion of Absalom against his father, David. And Absalom, some of you know, was David's son, and he rebelled against his father. And he even wanted to depose his father from the throne. And in some ways, it's a parable of a child wanting to dishonor and remove of the parent from their position, God appointed position of authority. It's interesting, though, even though Absalom did this, David still had a great love in his heart for his son. And when Absalom dies in battle, a Cushite brings news to David that Absalom has died. When the messenger comes, the first question David asks is the second Samuel 1832 is, is the young man Absalom safe? And the Kushite answers, the enemies of my lord, the king and all that rise against thee to do thee hurt, be as that young man is. You might remember his long hair. He had gotten caught in the bough of a tree and he had been killed. And instead of David saying, well, that guy got what he deserved, that rotten child got what he deserved. What's the heart of the father toward even the son is who treated him dishonorably? It says the king was much moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And he went and as he went, he thus said, oh, my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom, would God I had died for thee, oh Absalom. My son, my son. As how many times five times over he repeats, my son, my son, my son. When you have children, when you have the worst disagreement with your parents. I can tell you that your parents love you. They have a heart for you. They don't want to be there to be a tear in your relationship. And if you treat them honorably and respectfully, we're going to talk about their duties to you next time. And they're not exasperating you. I believe that you can have a relationship as wonderful as what God designed for you to have for your good. A child can bring a parent great joy or they can break a parent's heart. And what I want to suggest to the children, I really want you to hear this, is I think one of the things you need to do to make your life gold is to be a joy to your parents. Make it your life's goal to be a joy. Make them proud of you. Make them glad for your behavior. Let them see the strides that you're making and your honorable behavior. And be a joy to them. John Wooden was a basketball coach at UCLA years ago. He's probably one of the greatest basketball coaches has ever been at any level. It's really amazing how the number of years, I think it was 10 years in a row, they won the NCAA championship at UCLA. But in his autobiography, he tells a story about once he went to visit a recruit and this guy was the number one recruit in the nation. Every college in the country wanted this guy to come and play for their school. and went into the young man's home to visit him. And he came into the young man's home ready to offer him a scholarship to play at UCLA. And at that time, every basketball player wanted to go to UCLA. It's where Kareem Abdul-Jabbar went. It's where Bill Walton went. It was the quickest way to get into the NBA. And so everybody wanted to go there. But Wooden tells a story. He went into the young man's home. And the young man was so disrespectful to his mother. His mother tried to ask him questions and the young man put his mom down. Oh, mom, you don't know anything about this. And he was he was just rude to his mother. And Wooden in the autobiography says that he completed the visit. He had come in with a piece of paper in hand, ready to have this man sign a letter of intent to play basketball. And he said, after the visit, I did not offer the scholarship to that young man, even though he was the number one recruit in the nation. And it would have seemed like he would have wanted him to come to UCLA. And Wooden said in his autobiography, he said, if that young man would not honor and respect his mother, He would not honor and respect me as a coach. And he would cause more problems on my team than he would help. Well, that's a parable, isn't it? Do we want to be the kind of person who's known for having a respectful attitude towards those that God has placed in authority over us? We're not. So the first thing is children are to honor and respect their parents. Secondly, children have the duty of obeying father and mother. Now, in the Household Code, as already mentioned in the New Testament, Ephesians and Colossians, obedience is the operative term that is used to describe the appropriate disposition of a child to a parent. In Ephesians 6.1, Paul writes, Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. And the verb for obey in Greek is hoop-akuo. It's a combination of a prefix, hoop or hype, hyper, over, and akuo, we get the word acoustic from that, which means listen. So obedience means be a hyper listener. a hyper-obeyer of your parents. Likewise, Colossians 3.20 says, Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing unto the Lord. Again, it has rightly been said that delayed obedience is disobedience. Maybe when your parents ask you to do something, you do it, but you do it in your own sweet time. or you drag your feet, or you do it with complaints, or you do it explaining all the reasons why you shouldn't do it. By the way, this is the problem with the modern disciplinary method of counting to three. Rather than do it now, because I asked you to do it, instead do this, okay, I'm counting, one, two, what does that teach? Well, I've got to three, so I can delay the obedience a certain amount of time. I think we should teach our children from an early age quickly to obey. And again, we do this imperfectly, but I'm talking about when they're toddlers, that we should teach them, obey me when I ask you to do something, do it, do it without fuss, do it quickly. And we're going to talk about discipline later on in the series, and then I think appropriate discipline can be applied to teach that. As a child grows older, into the teen years in particular, I don't think it is inappropriate for a child respectfully to seek explanation and reasoning on any command that they do not understand or that they need to clarify. Because developmentally, when they hit that age, they're in that debate mode. And I don't think there's anything wrong with them saying, OK, you want me to do this. Can I respectfully explain why I might need a delay to do that? You asked me to do item A, but I need to complete B first before I do A. I don't think that's inappropriate. And there's a difference between respectfully asking about that and arguing about it or being blatantly disrespectful in that. Anyway, a parent can deal with that if, from a child, it comes with a spirit of, yes, I will do what you ask because you are my parent, but I would respectfully seek this clarification. Note that in Ephesians 6.1, Paul says that the child's obedience to the parents is to be, and this is a very important phrase, in the Lord. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Just as a wife is not called to submit to a husband in unlawful and ungodly actions, so a child is not bound to obey parents in unlawful and ungodly actions. Many years ago now, when I was a college student, I spent three summers working in a boys, a Christian boys camp. And I'll never forget one year, I was a counselor for 12 year old boys. And we had, there were large groups of kids that would come from all over the state of North Carolina. And that we stayed with us for a week. And we would often have churches that would bring kids in part of the ministry. There was one week there was a child in particular didn't come from a Christian home. And as we were teaching them throughout the week. This child one evening was sharing with me and some of the other counselors that his father would ask him to get on his bicycle and ride to another trailer in the trailer park they lived and pick up drugs and bring them back. And he was asking us, do I have to obey my father? When he asked me this, the Christian teaching is children obey your parents. Do I have to obey my father in this? And, you know, our counsel to him based on scripture was no, you have to obey your parents in the Lord. But they asked to do something that is unlawful or ungodly. You are not bound to obey them. And we were able to share that with our director of our camp was able to share that with the leaders in the church. who were able to reach out in ministry to that family. And so again, children are to obey parents in the Lord. Perhaps the most vivid scriptural picture of a child's lawful, unconditional obedience to a parent is in Genesis 22. It's when Abraham tells Isaac to gather the wood for the sacrifice. And Isaac keeps saying, but where's the What are we going to sacrifice? But even though he didn't understand the purpose, he obeyed even to the point of being bound on the altar. Trusting his father the whole time, even probably while Abraham raised the knife. As we know in the story, the angel of the Lord intervened and stayed Abram's hand And there was a sacrifice provided in the thicket. The Lord will provide a lamb. Of course, that story anticipates the obedience of Christ, the Son, to the will of His Father. Being obedient even to the point of the death on the cross. So first, children are to honor and respect their parents. Secondly, children are to obey their parents in the Lord. Children have the duty of listening to the counsel of father and mother. It has often been said that once parents get wiser and wiser, the older you get, right? They say there's only one time in your life when you know everything. It's when you're about 16, 17, 18 years old, 19. And then all of a sudden, your great confidence in all the things you thought you knew get less as you have more life experiences. And all of a sudden, you're like, hey, my parents weren't so stupid after all. They actually knew a thing or two, and all the adults are laughing at children because they've gone through this. They've gone through the same things you've gone through. And so a child, a wise child, will realize that he has much to learn. She has much to learn from the counsel of his or her parents. This is a setting for the entire book of Proverbs, which begins in Proverbs 1.8. with Solomon writing, My son, hear the instruction of thy father and forsake not the law of thy mother. The Book of Proverbs generally affirms the wisdom of seeking many counselors. Proverbs 1114 notes that in the multitude of counselors, there is safety. A wise child will seek the counsel of his parents in his education, in his vocational calling, in his finances, in his marriage prospects, etc. And I'm not saying that they dictate what you do in all those things. They can't dictate for you in all those things. But they can be your prime ministers, your counselors, to help you in decision making. Of course, when a man leaves his household of his father and marries, he establishes his own household. And then he seeks the counsel of his own wife, even over that of his own parents. Still, even after marriage, he can see his parents as a valuable resource. And certainly in the best circumstances, the parents are to be a spiritual resource and example to the children. And we'll talk about the duties of parents of children later. Fourth duty. Children have the duty of caring for father and mother in their old age. The Bible was, of course, written before the days of the social safety net and for social security. The burden of care for aging parents from a biblical perspective is not the duty of the state, but of the children. We are to do this to the degree that providential circumstances will allow. Think about what Paul taught in the pastoral epistles in first Timothy five. He's describing how the church is to care for widows and listen to what he says. First, seventy five, three honor widows that are widows indeed. But listen to this. First, seventy five, four. But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first to show piety at home and to requite their parents. For that is good and acceptable before God. Who is to take care of the widows? Their children, and even their nephews and nieces, their extended family, ought to care for them. Then later in that same passage, in 1st Timothy 5.8, Paul says, But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel. When you become a parent, you realize how much your parents did for you. Children, even the adult children that are in this room, think about the number of times your mother and father changed your diaper. The number of times they had to feed you. The number of times they woke up in the middle of the night to take care of you, lost sleep. The number of times they had to deny themselves and make sacrifices for you. And then in the good providence of God, very often as they age, you will have the opportunity to do some of the same for them. And the Bible's perspective is that this is your Christian duty and obligation. So children are to honor father and mother. They are to obey father and mother. They are to listen to their counsel. And they are to care for them in their aging. And then fifth and finally, where there have been failures and breaches, children have the duty of understanding and forgiving father and mother. When there have been failures and breaches, Children have the duty of understanding and forgiving father and mother. Part of personal, emotional, and spiritual maturity is coming to the realization that your parents were not perfect. And perhaps they did not do all perfectly in your upbringing. And yet part of personal, emotional, and spiritual maturity is extending to them forgiveness and grace. Now, this is certainly not to whitewash the experience of some who have gone through real abuse. Real abuse. Sometimes full reconciliation cannot be achieved because of real abuse that takes place. But in ordinary circumstances and even sometimes in extraordinary ones, The disposition of children toward their parents should be one of grace, even in the face of their faults. In 1 Peter 4, 8, Peter said, And above all things have fervent charity or love among yourselves, for charity or love shall cover the multitude of sins. I think he was talking primarily about brotherly love within the church, but it certainly is applicable to Christian love and all of its applications, including applications within the home. Think also about what Christ said in Luke 637. Judge not and you shall not be judged. Condemn not and you shall not be condemned. Forgive and you shall be forgiven. Do you want to? If you're an adult and you have difficult upbringing, your parents didn't do everything you think they should have done. Do you want to go through life harboring a root of bitterness about that? Or do you have a sense that maybe you ought to extend forgiveness and grace because you expect people to extend the same to you? In some circumstances. And so this is the disposition that children should have toward their parents. One of the best examples that I have seen of this is in a book by a woman named Faith Cook. She's a pastor's wife in England, and she's written a lot of good books. I commend her work to you. She writes a lot of biographies that are published by Christian Focus, good works. But one of the books, and I think this one might be from Banner of Truth, I forget the publisher is called Troubled Journey. And in this little book, it's not long. It's only about maybe 100 pages long. But she shares about her own childhood. She grew up as a child of missionaries to China. And her childhood was the backdrop of World War II. Her parents were serving with the China Inland Mission. And her parents were driven by the old missionary philosophy that was popularized by Hudson Taylor. which sort of romanticized sacrificing all the needs of your family so that you could serve the Lord. And so her parents were very pious and they were very godly and they wanted to serve Christ. But essentially what happened was they ended up sacrificing a lot of things for their family. They put the children in boarding schools when they were very young. They sometimes went years without seeing them. I'm talking about in their childhood. Because of that, she and her siblings were exposed to difficult treatment in some of the boarding schools, even ones that were Christian boarding schools. And some other things that happened that were just difficult. In fact, they were home on a furlough and one of her brothers died. And her parents didn't respond to it in a very, I don't know, loving way. They didn't spend time adequately to grieve, but sort of had this triumphant faith that sort of ignored what had happened. And they put her in a boarding school and not long after the brother had died, they left and went back to China and left her in a boarding school and didn't see her for, I think it was five or six years. And so she went through high school, her college years with almost no contact with her parents. This is some of what she wrote. She wrote, her father's commitment to mission work was all-consuming, at times almost obsessive in character. She adds that to understand her parents' decision, one must realize the ethos in which it was made. An immense value was placed on this sort of sacrifice by the Christian community in general, and it was viewed as honorable and highly commendable. She reflects, these men and women felt they were offering up to God their Isaacs, their most valued possessions, as indeed they were. But sadly, the question they did not address was whether God required such sacrifices. As she completes the story of her childhood, she relates how she tried to develop still a long distance letter writing relationship with her parents and had infrequent contact with them. She notes that her unsettled childhood sheltered school environment, and now the loss of any stable home base left her, as she says, quote, ill-prepared for the cold realities of the adult world, end quote. Here's a good thing about the book, though. Despite describing all these difficulties, if you read the book, Cook also conveys a deep admiration and respect for her parents. And it also conveys a spirit of grace and forgiveness toward them. I'd commend the book for anybody who's had a difficult childhood. She's able to do that. She went on to marry. She was resilient by God's grace. She's become a pastor's wife, an author, and has raised her own Christian family. In the conclusion, Cook writes this. She wrote, quote, It had indeed been a troubled journey for both my brother and me. But as I look back over the path I have traveled, I can now see that despite the undoubted sufferings through which we had both passed, unnecessary sufferings in many respects, God has supported, protected, and added unexpected provisions for our needs along the way. Even the sufferings themselves have proved to be a part of God's design for my life." And I think she was modeling here that the biblical attitude that a child, even an adult child, is to have toward her parents. Not whitewashing or excusing, but honoring, respecting. And this is the attitude that children are to have toward their parents. Let me invite you to stand together. Let's pray. Father, we are thankful for the relationships that we have within our homes and our families. Father, help us to have Christ-centered homes. Homes where you are the honored guest and the honored resident in our family Lord, help our children who are here to be respectful and honoring of their parents, to have that relationship as the years go by, become deeper and stronger and more encouraging one to another. And Father, help us to honor you in all of our relationships. We pray this in Christ's name. Amen.