So we come now to our third session, our final session with Dr. Whitmer, how to make a stubborn husband. And there might be a little bit of unfinished business I'm hearing from our previous talk. Yes, exactly right. Yeah, I thought I'd also give you a lesson on how to frustrate an audience. how to frustrate an audience, leave a blank. Leave an unfilled blank. And you are exactly right. You know, and despite what you may think, it was, there were actually quite a few men who asked me to fill in this blank about how to frustrate your wife. But I think their wives sent them to ask me. But in any case, I think that you probably have an idea as to what that last one is and how to frustrate your wife. And that is don't listen to her. Don't listen to her. Ken Sandy wrote that good listening improves your ability to understand others. It shows that you realize you do not have all the answers. It tells the other person that you value his or her thoughts and opinions. Even if you cannot agree with everything others say or do, your willingness to listen demonstrates respect and shows that you are trying to understand their perspective. Now, those of us who have been around for a while have seen the interviewing expertise of Ted Koppel. You know, Nightline began 30 years ago, and of course he's not leading that anymore, but he's generally understood to be one of the best interviewers ever. But one thing you'll notice, if you've ever noticed, he never has any notes. When he interviews somebody, he never has any notes. And when asked how he's able to be such a good interviewer and have no notes, he said, I'm a good listener. So he's listening to the interviewee and he's being able to guide the conversation based on what that person is saying. Now, unfortunately, as men, we are not really sometimes good listeners. Sometimes we're just lousy listeners. Sometimes we will finish their sentence before they finish their sentence. Proverbs 18, 13 says, if one gives an answer before he hears it, it is folly and a shame. Or you might be thinking about what you're going to say, and rather than listening to what your wife is saying, And as I suggested earlier with the football-watching husband, sometimes we fail to give full attention to our wives as they're listening. And hey, you know what? I mean, our wives know. They know if we are paying attention or not. They just know. You get that glazed look in your eyes or whatever it might be. But be sure to give full attention to your wife when she's speaking to you. And as we continue, I hope you will have found those principles of how to frustrate your wife helpful, and then obviously turning them around. But we want to move now to our final subject matter, which is how to make a stubborn husband. And again, I think I will risk it. Shall I risk it? I might as well risk it. Why not risk it? I risked it before, and nothing went bad. The building didn't fall down. Well, again, we're not going to ask this question. We're not going to ask how you make your husband stubborn or how your wife makes you stubborn. But generally, let's just ask the generic question at this point. And I think maybe we'll ask the wives to respond this time. How, and not how, you make your husband stubborn, but how wives make their husbands stubborn. Any ideas? Guys, you're being very self-controlled. Thank you. What? What is it? Failing to wait. Okay. Right. Any other thoughts? Nagging. Whatever is that? Whatever do you mean by that? Well, once again, Once again we're going to be reflecting on this principle that we find in Ephesians chapter 5 and this particular principle of the way the family is to operate in such a way that is helpful in terms of first of all the husband's position of leadership We talked about that and mentioned that failing to lead, failing to love is an extremely fundamental way to frustrate your wife. But when you think about the principle here in Ephesians 5, which we're going to unpack in just a moment, a primary way, fundamental way that you as a wife can frustrate or make a stubborn husband is you fail to follow. fail to follow. If the husband's responsibility is to lead, then the wife, you know, fail to follow. And let's just reflect for a moment about the cultural context in which we find ourselves, because I think that helps us to understand and lay the groundwork for what we're going to see in the scriptures. Now, we live in a culture that is very averse to the whole idea of authority, don't we? Some of you remember George Carlin, that great 60s pundit, and I heard him interviewed a couple years ago, and he was asked if he still believed in that mantra, challenge authority. And he said, no, I don't believe that anymore. I said, what do you believe now? He said, what I believe now is destroy authority. And if you think about it, what's happened in our culture is that the whole idea of respect for authoritative structure has deteriorated, it has disintegrated. So that while there, I think personally in our culture, I think that is directly linked to the deterioration of respect for the authority of the Bible. And if we had more time, I would make that point, but I think you can see how, I mean, where does the whole idea of authority come from, the whole idea of those who are in positions of leadership? Well, it comes to us from scripture, and when we lose our fundamental belief and foundation in the scriptures, then anything goes. Right? And what happens is that when the idea of authority disappears, then the idea of standards disappears as well, doesn't it? And this is the reason that we live in such a relativistic age now where people do what they do. There was a study done a few years ago called The Day America Told the Truth. It was a study of American lifestyle and their interest in morals. And what they concluded was this. It was actually the largest moral survey ever done of Americans. And here's what he said. He said, Americans are making up their own rules, their own laws. They're making up their own moral codes. Only 13% believe in all 10 commandments. 40% believe in five. Which five? I don't know. It's pick and choose. Cafeteria approach to the Ten Commandments. I don't know. We choose the laws of God which we believe in, and today there's very little respect for the law for any kind of law. In fact, the first chapter of the book is entitled, A New Moral Authority, You're It. So it gets to be that the picture of, as it was in the days of the judges, in those days in Israel there was no king and everybody was right in their own eyes, and that's what people do. And so the idea of respect for authority is gone. But people really don't... think that through. They don't think it through very well. Because what does it mean when everybody does what they want to do? Well, Madison Avenue has picked up on it, haven't they? They've picked up on this whole heightened individualism type thing. But Burger King sometimes just got to break the rules. Let's see, this is one I really like. Easy spirit shoes conforms to your foot so that you don't have to conform to anything. What does that mean? But then I love my favorite place to shop, Neiman Marcus. Tongue in cheek. No rules here. No rules here. Now just imagine a scenario. I decide to visit my local Neiman Marcus store. I really like to look at what $150 neckties look like. So imagine I go in there, and I pick up one of those ties, and I just walk to the door. And there's a guard there, and he says, excuse me, sir, did you pay for that? What am I going to say? There's no rules here. What do you mean, pay? It says no rules here. Well, this is people really don't think about, but what it shakes down into, and it comes down to that also when you think about leadership in the home, so that there was a day, and I hope in your families, when your children, when you go to correct your children and you say to them, you correct them and they say, why should I listen to you? Oh, what will you say? Well, because I've been put in a responsibility by God to help raise you in understanding his word and you've veered from the path and my goal is to help you see what's right and to help you honor the Lord as he gives you strength. That's a great thing to say because that's what the scriptures say. But what if you don't have that? Why should I listen to you? Because I'm your dad. So? Well, you're not going to like what happens if you keep doing that. It's not quite good enough. And then, with each level of deterioration in the culture, we bemoan that deterioration and then we get used to it. Have you noticed that? For example, when I was a kid, when those of us with gray hair and maybe little hair, when you think back, when people lived together without being married, what was it called? Living in sin. Now, when's the last time you heard that? Oh, you're living in sin. And then it became shacking up, and then it became cohabitation, and then they're just together. And as ministers, when people come to us to ask us to officiate at weddings, It's really, so many couples these days, unfortunately, sometimes even in the church they're living together without even an idea. I had a young man come to me with his fiancée about a year ago and we sat down at the table and we started to talk and they were both apparently professing Christians, which was obviously an important foundation for their marriage. And they told me that they're living together. And I said, I said, I said, Stephen, I said, did you not know that, you know, the marriage bed is to be kept undefiled, and God will hold those accountable who violate that. And so, therefore, it's really inappropriate for you to move on in this way, unless you repent, unless you move out. And he looked at me, he said, I'm shocked. His dad's in ministry. And I said to him, I'm shocked that you're shocked. Well, by God's grace, they were able to separate, and then they got married. But it's just this deterioration is difficult. This has a direct relationship to the way we think about, particularly, the wife's role in marriage. And the report, by the way, on feminism, again, those of us who grew up 60s and 70s, Radical Feminism, Ms. Magazine, all those kinds of things, The verdict on feminism is that feminism has failed. It has not served women well. There's actually an article in Newsweek magazine that described the failure of feminism. And the failure of feminism, just a couple of quotes from that. The writer says, today I see feminism as the great experiment that failed. And women in my generation, its perpetrators are the casualties. Many of us, myself included, are saddled with raising children alone. The resulting poverty makes us experts at cornmeal recipes and ways to find free recreation on weekends. The main message of feminism was, woman, you don't need a man. Remember those of you around 40, the phrase, a woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle? That joke circulated through consciousness-raising groups across the country in the 70s. It was a philosophy that made divorce and cohabitation casual and routine. Feminism made women disposable. So today, a lot of females around 40 was single with a couple of kids to raise on their own. Child support payments might pay for a few pairs of shoes, but in general, feminism gave men all the financial and personal advantages over women and just goes on to cry the impact of feminism on appreciating the dignity of who God created women to be. And as we look, as you look at scripture, I think there are a couple of important things that we need to say that puts the woman's role in this particular place and we're going to get to the details of that in just a moment but just a reminder that women are very important in God's creation that creation was incomplete without women remember we saw last night it's not good for man to be alone and so that Adam rejoiced with great praise when he saw her he knew that now this is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh Hebrew scholars say this is like wow No more orangutan for me. It's a real someone who is like me. But as you look at the Bible, also you see that women have great dignity in the life and ministry of Jesus as well. That it was quite contrary to the view of the time. Flavius Josephus observed that, this was his quotation, the woman is inferior to the man in every way. That was the common view of the day. It's kind of like the Archie bunker of the first century, you know. And the Jewish Talmud requires that men say the following blessing daily. Blessed art thou who has not made me a heathen, who has not made me a woman, who has not made me a brutish man. There wasn't much respect for the dignity of women as created also in the image of God. And Jesus' respect for women was radical in its day. Contrary to rabbinical practices, he freely related to women. And one of the clearest examples of that was his interaction with the Samaritan woman. Remember her? And the woman said, of course, obviously there was a problem. The disciples understood that relating to a Samaritan was a problem because of their prejudices. But when the disciples return, it says that they marveled that he had been speaking with a woman. But he had no problem speaking with women. Women were very close to, as part of the disciples. He used them as prominent examples in his teaching. The woman is the woman who searches for the lost coin. It's the woman who demands justice from the indifferent judge. It's the widow who gave all that she had. And as you go on and on, it's prominent in the list of disciples of Jesus. It was women, the women who went to the grave on Easter. Also, we see the prominence of women in the list of Paul's followers and helpers as well. But that's an important background for us to get. Because as you look at this text, therefore, to understand that as we look at the wife's role in marriage, in verse 21, you see that it says, be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. In verse 22, it says, wise, be subject to your husbands as to the Lord. Now the verb be subject is supplied in verse 22 from verse 21. And what we're looking at here as we look at verses 22 and following represent both the wife's responsibility in marriage and then the husband's that we saw earlier. But as we look at that verb that's applied to the woman's role, the verb, root of the word to submit, to submit oneself, is the word for order. It's the word for order. God has established the chain of responsibility in various spheres of society in order that there won't be chaos. I mean, think about it. You remember back in the day when you used to go down to the park and do a pickup softball game or something with your friends in the neighborhood? What's the first thing you had to do? You had to pick captains. Because you couldn't pick captains, you couldn't pick teams. And so somebody had to be in charge. Whenever you are working in some work in the church and you establish a committee, what's the first thing you have to do? You have to have a convener or a chairman or nothing ever gets done. In the same way, God has exercised the prerogative as a creator of the universe to determine who are going to be the team captains. In the church, it's the elders. In the government, in the civil society, it's governing authorities. And in the home, the responsible person before God is the husband. And, you know, before you, unlike my friend, Marlon, who got all excited about what this said, being in charge is not easy. Being in charge is hard. and uh... a lot of guys who just prefer not to be in charge Rush Dooney wrote, in a world without submission to law and authorities under law, very quickly only lawless force would prevail and nothing would be more destructive of a woman's welfare or a man's for that matter. The alternative to submission is exploitation, not freedom, because there's no true freedom in anarchy. So authority delegated by God is established for the benefit and protection of those under their care. That's true in every area that God has delegated authority. And so, Wives, you know, when you think about your husband, you need to pray for your husbands because they've been placed in an accountable position before God. Now, one of the texts that terrifies with respect to church leadership is in Hebrews 13, 17, where it tells people that they should respect those in leadership because they are those who will one day give an account. And that's a text that terrifies. But I'm also convinced that we're going to be accountable for our leadership in the home. So, wives, I hope as you think about supporting that you will see how you can best follow. Now, just a couple other points about this idea of what you are called to do. So, you are called to submitting partnership. Submitting partnership is what the wife is called to. It's a submitting partnership. Okay, so it says partnership because we mentioned before that it is a partnership that God has called you to, but in terms of the respective roles, you are called to respect the leadership of your husband. And so the first sub-point under that, if you're taking notes, which I know you are, submitting partnership is voluntary. Wives, it's voluntary. The form of the verb submit is a, the form of the verb implies that's something you take upon yourself. Christopher Ashe wrote in the book Sex and the Service of God, he said, the submissions enjoined by the scripture between human beings are to be the voluntary acts of spiritual men and women. God's word comes in each case to the one who is to submit. The other is not told to keep them in subjugation. In particular, husbands are never told to make sure their wives submit to them or keep them in submission. This is a responsibility, wives, that you take upon yourself when you marry a man. And this is a very important key for young ladies. I know that you're all married here, but as you think about the young ladies around you, they need to be asking the question, is this guy that I like, is he a guy that I'm going to be willing to take upon myself this position of submitting partner? Do I respect his leadership to the point where I'm willing to put myself in that relationship? And if not, she better think about it. Because a lot of women think they can change men, don't they? Maybe a lot of you women thought that you could change these guys. But we're stubborn. We're stubborn. We're stubborn to start with, OK? That's not like the bride who was really anxious about getting married. She was really nervous. She went to the minister, and she said, Pastor, after this rehearsal, I just don't know if I'm going to be able to remember everything. And he said, well, dear, dear, just relax. Here's what you do tomorrow. It's your day in the Lord. And so when the doors opened, he said, let your eyes fall on the aisle and just take a few steps. And then as you take a few steps, let your eyes rise to the altar. And then as you get closer to the front, let your eyes rest on the eyes of your beloved. She said, OK. She said, I'll try that. I'll try that. So the wedding went fine, and after the wedding, one of the attendees walked up to the pastor and said, I'm really worried about this couple. And he said, well, what do you mean? He said, well, as the bride was walking down the aisle, I heard her whispering under her voice, I'll alter him. I'll alter him. I mean, most of you figured out by now that that is not going to work. And so submitting partnership, though, is voluntary. It's a position that you place yourself in, and it's a position that you're called to carry out in the Lord. So Howard Hendricks writes, to the woman the question is not, are you willing to submit yourself first of all to your husband? but to the Lord's plan for your functioning in a marital relationship. One way to make a very stubborn husband and discouraged husband is to fail to respect his leadership, therefore. And so that's a responsibility that you take upon yourself. But also, I should add, as we're talking about the submitting partnership role, submitting partnership is not inferiority. It's not inferiority. The scriptures state, for example, that when Jesus came to earth, He submitted perfectly to the will of the Father, but yet He was not inferior to Him, but rather in submission, He took Himself, a position He took upon Himself voluntarily for our sake and for our salvation. And therefore, we need to understand that as you submit, you are not inferior in any way. She also mentioned that with respect to our standing before God as individuals, there is neither Jew nor Greek nor slave nor free nor male nor female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And as Peter is speaking about distinctive roles in 1 Peter 3, he says, as he speaks to husband, you should treat your wives as fellow heirs of the grace of life. So you've got to look at yourself as team members who have come together for a particular purpose to raise a family and bring glory to God. It's God's order for the family that calls us into these respective positions of leadership and followership, if you will. And you might think, well, how does that work out? I mean, I think we've made the point that this doesn't make the husband the big boss, you know? It doesn't. In fact, Barb and I have been married now for almost 37 years. And I cannot think of a single time in our marriage that I have had to say, honey, this is the way it's going to be. I know you don't agree. It's the way it's going to be. If you're collaborating with each other, if you're talking to each other, when you have decisions, you're going to be able to come to a consensus on things. And maybe if you can't come to a consensus right away, then you need to do some more research. But do the best you can. But the bottom line is that if it ever does come to that point, if you are at loggerheads and you really can't decide, you know why? The husband's got to make the decision. You know why? Because the husband's going to have to give an account for it. But all that is to say that the Lord has promised to bless our marriage as we carry out these responsibilities. How to make a stubborn husband? Well, fail to follow. The second thing that I think is important to note here is lack of faith in his discipline. Now, I don't mean discipline, obviously, of you. I mean discipline of children. One of the frustrations that the wives have that we didn't talk about is that a lot of the times discipline falls to the wives. And they say, why don't you do something about this? And yet, then sometimes when husbands step up to do things, then it's overturned. All right, so Joe steps in and he disciplines Harry. Says, Harry, please go to your room and don't come down until supper time. But Joe goes out to mow the lawn and Betty goes upstairs and says, oh Harry, it's okay, you can come down. I know your favorite TV show's on. So that doesn't work. But obviously, it's important for you to collaborate on matters of discipline so that you'll be able to understand the approach that you're going to be taking. But I guess that's just another way of saying a lack of faith in his discipline is sometimes a lack of faith just in his decisions and decisions that he makes. I mean, you roll in your eyeballs and things like that and things that he may decide. definitely can make him stubborn. All right, so what's going to be the impact of that kind of behavior on your husband? When there's a discipline issue in the future, guess what he's going to do? He's going to do nothing. He's going to say, why should I bother? Throw up my hands. Boy, we had quite an experience yesterday. Has anybody gone through security at Philadelphia? I'll tell you, it's, yeah, it is really bad, really bad. So we're coming through, we're coming through security. And you know those little bins you have to put your stuff in? It's your shoes and your jacket and all that stuff. I had the last two bins and my wife, there were not enough bins. And I signaled, I signaled a T, we couldn't believe this, I signaled a TSA agent and I held up one of the bins and I went like this and she went, I was completely stunned. As sweet as my wife is, you know, sometimes she can get really ticked off. So she was really ticked off. I mean, she didn't say anything to the, you didn't say anything, did you? She didn't say anything. I don't have eyes in the back of my head, you know, I'm not exactly sure. So, you know, across the room, she walks over, grabs a pile, and brings them over. But it's like, the TSA agent, this is the person who's supposed to be helping me, and we call attention to our need, and she goes... Now, what do you think your husband, your husband's gonna do the same thing? And I said to Barb, I said, you know, as we walked through the situation, she was kind of pleasant as we walked through, eventually, and then, but I said, you know what, honey, I'm imagining, here's the scenario I'm imagining. I'm imagining she's been there all morning, and the guy who's supposed to bring those things out has failed to bring them out over and over again. And so you just get tired of saying, Harry, we need more bins. So when I'm going like this, she's going like this. But your husbands, your husbands can be that way too if you're not supporting them in the decisions they make, in the discipline decisions they make. And the next time it comes up, they might just go. You say, Joe, what are you going to do about it? So obviously, discipline matters are things that you need to talk about together. But one way you can sure make a stubborn husband is to question his discipline, question his decisions. Third, how to make a stubborn husband. Be a chronic complainer. Be a chronic complainer. Now, I know that. Most couples these days, just to make ends meet, I think most are two-income families these days. So things are a little different that way. But the man, as God has created us, we definitely still feel the primary responsibility to be the provider for the household. What can really get to us is if you as a wife complain, constantly complain about the inadequacy of things that we have, where we live, the lifestyle that we have. Paul, remember Paul's words, I've learned in whatever state I am to be contented. Now the other side of that is that sometimes, and guys, I hate to keep going back to you, but I am one, so I know us, that, you know, Paul talks about the fact that we need to nourish our wives and cherish them as Christ does the church. And taking care of our wives as we do for our own bodies, And I think one of the problems that we have, and maybe this might lead to complaining, is that sometimes we can take care of ourselves pretty well. So the guys, they've got to have the latest iPhone. I mean, I know guys who have to have the latest everything. And so they have no problem. They have no problem spending the money on that stuff. Or a new set of golf clubs. Oh, yeah, I've got to get this new driver. It's the kind of one you can adjust, you can make, you can correct your slice, and all this kind of stuff. Still wouldn't help me. On the other hand, when the wife wants something or needs something, then, oh no, I think finances are pretty tight right now. We need to be careful. Maybe that's why they complain. But wives understand that constant complaining about this is not going to help. Casual conversation, perhaps, agreeing on priorities and finances is important. But chronic complaining doesn't help. A few weeks ago, David was telling us that you're doing Christianity Explored here. at First Press, which is a great program. If you have friends who do not know the Lord, it's just a wonderful way to introduce them in a non-confrontational setting to the gospel. We've done this at our church now for the last few years, and we do it as a congregation. So the first seven Wednesday nights, not the first seven Wednesday nights, but earlier this year we did seven Wednesday night dinners. And in our church, a dinner is an international extravaganza, as people from all these cultures bring their meals. And the question that I ask the most as I walk down that line is, what's that? And I ask, is it spicy? Is there curry in there? And the Indian folks, they love me because it's, oh, we made this very mild for you, pastor. So I taste it and it blows my head off, you know? Out in Lancaster County, we didn't have hot and spicy, we just had sweet and sour. No spicy. I never saw a hot pepper until I went to college. Really, I'm not kidding. So anyway, it was really great. And the last night, we have such a socioeconomic diversity in our church, too. So that at our small group that night, we had several homeless people who were part of our discussion group. And it was so humbling to me because we were talking about this idea of contentment. And, you know, what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul? And one of the young women, the homeless young women, she said, it's like, it's like, you know, when you die, somebody else is going to get your bag of stuff. You're just going to go through your bag of stuff and take what you want. It's like, I felt so ashamed of myself and of my lack of contentment because she's completely contented with her bag of stuff. And I mean, this is a message to all of us in terms of resting in the Lord. But wise, you can be sure that if there's a constant chronic complaining, that it's going to get into your husband's psyche a little bit. how to make a stubborn husband. Number four, to be a reminding reminder. Be a reminding reminder and yes, you might even say nag. Now I want you to know that I spared no research, no level of research to bring this information to you. I went to the unabridged Random House Dictionary and the definition of nagging, to torment by persistent fault-finding complaints or importunities. To find fault or complain in an irritating, worrisome, or relentless manner. Used in a sentence. If she starts nagging her husband, I'm going home. And if you think about it, what's that definition of insanity? Is that definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result? Well, I think you can kind of apply that to nagging, that if you think you say it and say it over again, you're not going to get a different result. Now, there was a man who came into his kitchen and his wife was scrambling eggs. And he came and he said, now, wait a minute. You're not turning those eggs fast enough. He said, keep flipping them. Keep flipping them. Did you put the toast in yet? You're going to burn those eggs. Be careful. Scramble them again. Hurry up. Are you crazy? Don't forget to salt them. Did you put the salt in yet? And she said, what are you doing? He said, I wanted to show you what it's like when I'm driving. Well, it's probably not that bad. But again, I wanted to bring you, again, the highest level of research. Someone who was interviewed on Oprah. This was actually discussing this subject and this is kind of the definitive statement on it. The, and I don't want to put this in too sophisticated language, but their conclusion is it doesn't work. Now this is Charles Goodstein, MD. said you can't nag someone into permanent change. He's a psychoanalyst and clinical professor of psychiatry at NYU. Nagging appears to work, he says, because it will produce a short-term result that looks positive. So don't think you're being successful if it works on the short term. But in order for the result to recur, the nagging will have to recur. In other words, the very fact that we feel we must nag is in itself evidence that nagging doesn't work. If it did, we would say something once and never have to say it again. That's, wow, they paid money for that research. He offers a less all or nothing suggestion. He's a national advocate for the cognitive behavioral technique called, you like this, carefrontation. Carefrontation. A play on words, I get it, to distinguish the approach from the confrontations that most of us find ourselves embroiled in too often. Referring again to his wife and her problem, purely theoretical he assures me, with eating an entire bag of cookies, he describes a more empathetic approach. Instead of saying, you can't eat just one, can you? You have to eat the whole thing. I could say, you know, I've noticed sometimes that when I buy a package of cookies, it's really hard for you not to eat all of them. I understand that. Would you like me to start buying something else for you to snack on? Because I love you and I care about your health. How stupid do they think we are? We know exactly what's going on here. Don't eat the cookies, they're saying to me. Carefrontation. Well, in any case, I think that you can see that it just doesn't work. I think if we're working on those other areas of communication that we're going to reduce the need for this kind of communication. Now, and reminding, you see, reminding and nagging. When you say to me, I'm just reminding him. But the difference between reminding and nagging is in the ear of the hearer. Wouldn't you agree? It's in the ear of the hearer. So, and again, if guys, if you were listening, if you really care about what your wife cares about, you're going to listen. You're going to listen. You're not going to have to package it up in some silky carefrontation language. And most of the time, most of the time, isn't it right, guys? Most of the time, we know that they're right. But then we get stubborn. We get more stubborn. And we won't do it just because we know that you're nagging us to do it. And that's not what we want to do. We want to do it because we want to do it, not because you told us to do it again and again and again. But in any case, I think that all of that together brings us to just a reminder that a woman's priorities should be the Lord first, obviously. and your family right behind that. And your family as those who love you, those you're seeking to serve, to support the leadership of your husband. And if you think about, just one last point I'm going to make here and then we can move on. But these roles are hard to fulfill. Everything we've talked about this weekend is really hard to fulfill. And the reason is that we're sinners. Guys don't want to lead. Guys don't want the responsibility. And women don't want to respect that authority. And that's a direct impact of the fall. The challenge came when the first couple sinned and the whole thing got turned upside down. The blame game began, right? Remember the serpent blamed the woman and the woman blamed the man? That was the other way around, I'm sorry, I confused that. I confused that. The man blamed the woman and the woman blamed the serpent. It's complete turn upside down. And really that's the impact of sin. And in Genesis 3, 16, it says, your desire, and in the curse that comes to Eve, your desire shall be for your husband and yet he shall rule over you. And Hebrew scholars indicate this could be translated, your desire shall be for your husband's position, but he will rule over you. So the idea being that even though you want that position, I have established the husband as the leader. And for men, even though we would be willing to give up that position, we still have responsibility to keep it, don't we? quoting from Christopher Ashe again. This is fascinating. He says, paradoxically, it may not be the challenge of secular feminism that poses the greatest threat to God's order of marriage, but the pathetic abdications of sinful males who will not take upon ourselves our God-given responsibility to exercise headship in our marriages and in our home. And so that's the challenge, the challenge for us. And as we seek the Lord's strength, remembering that our marriages are designed to picture to the world the love of Christ for his church. And what a remarkable challenge that is and opportunity it is for us. And our marriages are designed to be a source of great joy. And I believe that, and I hope that as you turn these principles upside down, that the Lord will use them to help you grow. And again, remember I said the very first night, no elbows. No elbows. Now there are going to be some things you need to talk about together, but I hope that the Lord will have settled into your heart a determination not to frustrate your wife, and a determination not to make your husband stubborn, but rather to walk in these God-given roles that will enable you together to bring glory to the Lord in your family and in the world together. Let's pray. Father in heaven, I thank you so much for the opportunities we've had to talk about these issues. And thank you that when your spirit's at work, it hurts. But yet we understand that this conviction that comes is a blessing from you. And as we came last night, we came admitting and confessing that our marriages are not perfect, not a single one of them. None of us individuals are perfect either, but that each of us has room to grow. And so I pray that your spirit will take what we've discussed, that you will help us to be of encouragement to our wives, Lord. Help us to grow as godly leaders. Help us to grow as those who love them deeply and whose love for them is never in doubt, even for a minute. And I pray for the wives that you would richly bless them as they come alongside their husbands and that you would bless them as they support them as they carry out their responsibilities as leaders in their homes. And that you would richly bless them as they serve you by carrying out this valuable and important role. And together, Father, we pray that you would help us to just grow in intimacy and oneness, that as people see our marriages, they would see something different. As they see the way our families function, they would see something different from what they see around them. And we ask that you would do this, not that we can conjure this up on our own strength, that you would do this through the power of Christ at work in each of our hearts and lives through your spirit. And we thank you in Jesus' name. Amen.