The following message was delivered on Sunday morning, May 24th, 2009, in the Adult Sunday School class at Trinity Baptist Church in Montville, New Jersey. Our subject this morning is friendships. Friendships. Necessary and vital for all men, they require, because of the paradoxes I have just cited, as well as other important biblical realities, they require effort to establish, effort to maintain, and effort to prosper them. It is not easy becoming and being a true, good, loyal, and lasting friend to someone else. If you lived long enough on this earth, you will know it is not easy becoming and being a true friend to someone else. You also know that sadly it is easy to destroy a good friendship. In our increasingly ungodly culture, friendships are more important than ever. And yet, people are finding it more difficult than ever to establish wholesome, intimate friends. And this should not surprise us as Christians, since our society encourages and promotes self-centeredness, self-absorption, Selfishness and dishonesty. Ironically, as individuals turn in upon themselves in their selfishness and ignore and neglect others around them, they are actually becoming progressively lonely and less happy. The very thing they don't want is what is happening to them. This real, tangible loneliness and unhappiness and self-centeredness wars against friendships and produces a tragic downward spiral, a depressing cycle. A gnawing sense that one needs friends persists in the soul and nags at the heart, and yet the lifestyle of selfishness, which is promoted and celebrated by our culture, actually repels potential friends. And unfortunately, Christians are not exempt from these difficulties. Not only do we have remaining sin and corruption in our hearts, which detrimentally affects our ability to establish and maintain friendships, But whether we realize it or not, we also are breathing in, as it were, the air of our culture, the air of our society, and consequently our thinking and perspectives can become more pagan and worldly than we often wish to admit. So what must we do? not only to establish, maintain, and prosper friendships, but to make sure we're not becoming more and more like the world, we must turn to the Scriptures. And I would urge all of you to realize that we do live in a culture and society which is wanting to reject the Scriptures, and even in evangelical circles, more and more people are rejecting the Scriptures. All you have to do is read a book about the so-called emerging movement or emerging church, and you will find out that it's no church at all, and it rejects. It rejects biblical norms and biblical truth, and you must not reject biblical truth. You must turn to the Scriptures to be transformed by the renewing of your mind and learn what the Bible teaches about everything, including friends and friendships. And so this morning, I would like to begin by giving you the biblical basics regarding friendships. And I don't apologize for this because again and again we need to go back to the basics. But let us look this morning at the biblical basics regarding friendships. So turn please in your Bibles to Genesis chapter 1. Genesis 1. I'd like you to notice first of all regarding biblical basics about friendships. First of all, God's being and man's creation reveal that we must have friends. God's being and man's creation reveal that we must have friends. Genesis 1, beginning at verse 26. And God said, Let us make man in our image after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the heavens, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth. And God created man in his own image. In the image of God created he him. Male and female created he them. Now notice, first of all, that the Bible reveals that the one true and living God is triune. He is one God in three persons. And that is taught throughout the entire Bible. That is revealed throughout the entire Scripture. And you begin to see that even here in Genesis chapter 1. Notice in verse 26 that we are told that God consulted with himself prior to creating man, he said, let us make man in our image. In his being as the one God, God is plural, there are three persons, and thus we see even here at verse 26 this intratrinitarian communication, communion, fellowship, love, and friendship. Yes, it is right to say that within the being of God, within the three persons of the one true God, there is communication, communion, fellowship, love, and friendship. Within the being of God, there is not an aloneness. There's not an aloneness. There is fellowship. There is communion. There is friendship. But notice secondly in verse 27 of Genesis 1 that God created man in his own image. This image bearing capacity of man means many things. One of the implications of man's bearing the image of God is that he, like his creator, is to communicate, commune, and have fellowship with, love, and befriend others. In order to accurately reflect the being of God, man must live in the society of others and have interpersonal relationships and friendships. No other creature was given this privilege. Other creatures were given, are given instincts and manifest aspects of what is termed socialization. Think of herds of elephants. Think of schools of dolphins. Think of hives of bees. But none of these other creatures bear the image of God and none of them have friendships or personal relationships with each other. It is man who is unique, who is created in the image of God. And as the image of God, he is to have friendships with others, even as God himself has this intra-Trinitarian friendship, one with the other, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. So as far as biblical basics regarding friendships are concerned, we see first of all that God's being and man's creation reveal that we must have friends. But secondly, God's created order reveals that we need friends. God's created order reveals that we need friends. When God surveyed all that he had created, it was clear that all was good. There were no defects, no imperfections, no flaws, no mistakes in any aspect of God's creation. Notice this in Genesis chapter 1. Look at verse 4. There we read, God saw the light, that it was good. Notice verse 10, And God called the dry land earth, and the gathering together of the waters called he seas, and God saw that it was good. Notice verse 12, there we see at the conclusion of verse 12, God saw that it was good. Verse 18, at the conclusion of verse 18, God saw that it was good. Verse 21, we see the same thing. Verse 24, we see it again. Verse 31 of Genesis chapter 1, God saw everything that he had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning the sixth day. Sin had not yet entered the world through man's disobedience to God's command, thus marring God's created order. And yet God assessed in this perfect world that it was not good for the man to be alone. Loneliness was not good for Adam. Turn now to Genesis 2 and verse 18. Here we see God revealing that. Verse 18 of Genesis 2. And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper corresponding to him. And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them unto the man to see what he would call them. And whatsoever the man called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And the man gave names to all cattle, and to the birds of the heavens, and to every beast of the field. But for a man there was not found a helper corresponding to him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept. And he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof. And the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man, he made a woman and brought her unto the man. And the man said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed." Now notice that God's concern for man was not only that of the creator to the creature. God provided for all of man's needs here on earth. God's concern for man was not only that of the sovereign to the subject. God commanded Adam to do certain things and to not do other things. God's concern for man was that also of a father and friend to one whom he purposed the good of human friendship. So yes, God is the creator of man. And yes, God is the sovereign over man, the king. But he's also a friend to man, and he purposes the good of human friendship. He said, it is not good that the man should be alone. Man required a companion, a friend. and God formed every beast and fowl and brought them to Adam, not only so Adam would name them as the steward over God's creation, but to see if there was any suitable companion for Adam. And the scriptures reveal in this passage, which we've just read, that for Adam there was not found a helper answering to his needs. And therefore, because it was not good for the man to be alone, God made for Adam a suitable friend, another human being, a wife. And so here in Genesis, we behold not only the first husband and wife, but we also behold the first human friendship. Yes, it is the first marriage, but it's also the first human friendship. Now, why was it not good for Adam to be alone? in a created order in which there was nothing morally deficient. Why was it not good for Adam to be alone? Well, I believe at least part of the answer is that even in a perfect sinless state, in a perfect sinless world order, the aloneness, if Adam was left alone, would not enable him to accurately bear the image of God and not enable him to fully glorify God. God's created order of man and woman reveals that all human beings need friends. If there had been no fall into sin, I believe that every man would indeed have a wife. Every wife would have a husband. I'm not sure that I could prove that, but I suspect that that would be the case if there had been no sin in the world. Sin has affected everything, as we shall see. But God's created order of man and woman reveals that man should not be alone. that we need friends. Man was not created to be a hermit, a recluse, a loner, a monk in some monastery all by himself. Think of the punishment called solitary confinement during times of war. How is it that solitary confinement in a time of war, how is it that that is a punishment? It is a punishment. If you've ever spoken to someone who has experienced that, you'll find that's what it is. A prisoner is placed in solitary isolation from all contact and communication with any other human being, and such an individual ends up becoming broken, psychologically twisted, and eventually an abnormal human being. As Matthew Henry stated, perfect solitude would turn a paradise into a desert. and a palace into a dungeon. Perfect solitude would turn a paradise into a desert and a palace into a dungeon. God's created order of man and woman reveals that we need friends. But as far as biblical basics are concerned, let us notice thirdly that sin destroys friendships. Turn to Genesis 3, beginning at verse 9. Genesis 3, beginning at verse 9. Adam and Eve have disobeyed God, and in verse 9 we read, and the Lord God called unto the man and said unto him, where are you? And he said, I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked and I hid myself. And he said, who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree whereof I commanded you that you should not eat? And the man said, The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. And the Lord God said unto the woman, What is this you have done? And the woman said, The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat. Sin destroys friendships. In this sad historical account, and this is history, I remind you, this is not myth. This is not fiction. This is not a nice story without any relevance to time and history. Adam blamed Eve for his disobedience to God's command. Adam blamed God for giving Eve to him. Adam deserted Eve emotionally, spiritually, and practically, and he pushed her away from him. And in his sin, Adam destroyed the friendship that existed and was developing and was flourishing between his wife, his friend Eve, and himself. Sin. any lack of conformity unto or transgression of God's laws always, always, always severs and damages the relationship between God and man. And this is very apparent from what transpires in the following verses in Genesis chapter 3. Sin always destroys friendships between God and man and between man and other men or women. Turn please to Isaiah chapter 59. Isaiah 59. beginning at verse 1. Note God's words through the prophet. Isaiah 59, verse 1. Behold, the Lord's hand is not shortened that it cannot save, neither his ear heavy that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid His face from you, so that He will not hear." You see here in these words that sin creates separation between God and man, sin causes a hiding of God's face from man, and sin causes God to turn a deaf ear to the cries of man. And in like manner, sin always severs and damages the relationship between friends. The blessedness and unity of friendships are undermined, injured, and harmed by sin. Friends are separated from each other by their sins. Friends no longer talk and commune face to face as friend to friend. Friends cease to listen to one another. As between God and man when sin comes into the picture, so between man and man created in the image of God, sin does the same thing. So we must see that and understand that if we would be enabled to establish, to maintain, to develop, to prosper friendships between ourselves. We must understand these biblical basics. But fourthly, the reality of sin underscores the vital necessity of friendships. Sin destroys friendships. Its reality underscores the vital necessity of friendships. Turn to Ecclesiastes chapter 4. Ecclesiastes chapter 4. and beginning at verse 9. Ecclesiastes 4, verse 9. Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him that is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up. Again, if two lie together, then they have warmth, but how can one be warm alone? And if a man prevail against him that is alone, two shall withstand him, and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Well, in the preceding verses in Ecclesiastes 4 and throughout much of Ecclesiastes, as we've even heard in recent months from Pastor Carlson as he's preached through this book, God through Solomon instructs us regarding the vanity of selfishness. In selfishness, men living under the sun work for riches, the riches of this world, and are never satisfied with what they attain. They do not share their riches with others, thinking that to do so will minimize their pleasure. They wish to be all alone with all of their material goods. They think that will give them true happiness and satisfaction. They have no interest in companions, no desire to share with other people. They do not need, they do not want friends. But Solomon would have us understand that sociableness is a cure of this evil of selfishness. If you would have God work in and through you to help you to mortify the sin of selfishness, you must work at being sociable in this fallen world. And if you're a Christian, you still have much sin remaining in your heart and life. And Solomon would have you understand, a cure for the evil of selfishness is being sociable. sociable in a biblical sense, of course. Friends are necessary. He directs our minds to the simple reality that when we fall, we often need someone else to help us up. Our fall may be a simple, literal, physical fall. I'm sure you've all heard, especially of older folks, who become more feeble, and they're advised often by radio advertisements, and I think legitimately, to have one of these pendants so that if they're living alone and they fall, they're often unable to get back up. They need assistance. And Solomon's just pointing to this clear, basic reality that we need others to help us. even when we fall physically. But surely he means more than just that. Our fall may be a spiritual fall when we are tempted by the devil and led astray by the deceitfulness of our own hearts. And if you've been a Christian more than a few months, you are beginning to know and understand your heart is deceitful. And it can lead you astray. And you can fall into spiritual temptations and fall spiritually. And in such instances, we need genuine friends to restore us with a spirit of meekness. So the very reality of sin in this world teaches us that we should not be alone, that we do need other people, that specifically we need good friends. Now turn to Hebrews chapter 3. Hebrews 3, beginning at verse 12. Take heed, brethren, lest happily there shall be in any one of you an evil heart of unbelief. and falling away from the living God. But exhort one another day by day, so long as it is called today, lest any one of you be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin." Here the writer to the Hebrew Christians calls us to be alert to be on our guard, to pay attention, to perceive and understand the reality of the nature of an evil heart of unbelief. Such a heart of unbelief will cause a professed disciple of Christ to fall away from the living God. This is not theoretical. This is not just some extreme example. Such a heart of unbelief will cause, if left unchecked, will cause a disciple to fall away from the living God. And this can occur because sin deceives. It lies. It puts cloaks over things so that you don't see what is really reality. It clouds the judgment so that you're not thinking biblically. Sin hardens the conscience, we're told in this very passage. It leads us away from God, not to God. It betrays us. It misinforms us. It tricks us. It dupes us. Sin promises pleasure and happiness, but delivers misery, bitterness, and sorrow. Sin deceives us into believing that we're on the pathway that leads to satisfaction and fulfillment, but in reality it is a supreme con-artist and defrauds us of all good and joy. And because of these sobering realities, and they are meant to sober us up, They're meant, as it were, to slap us across the face so that we're awake and we're paying attention. The writer tells us what we should do in the light of these sobering realities in verse 13. Look again. He says, we are daily to exhort one another in order to be delivered from the hardening work of the deceitfulness of sin. In other words, because of the nature of sin, we must have friends who will exhort us using Scripture and the principles of Scripture. We must have friends who will warn us and who will assist us to persevere in repentance and faith. To be in touch with truth and reality as opposed to living a dream world of sin. To be in touch with truth and reality concerning sin's evil ways. To be in touch with truth and reality regarding the blessedness of holiness and obedience to the moral law of God. When people reject the moral law of God, they are not on a pathway that is a pathway of good. They are on a pathway of self-deception. Because sin is lawlessness. Sin deceives. We need friends who are faithful friends, truthful friends, loving friends to exhort us day by day so we are not hardened in our hearts by the deceitfulness of sin. We need friends to help us on our way to heaven, to comfort us, to pray for us, to draw alongside of us, to assist us. The evil nature of sin underscores the vital necessity for friends. So I ask you this morning, whether you're young or older, whether you're male or female, whether you're married or not married, I ask you, do you have such friends? right now in your life. Do you have at least one friend who will be faithful to your heart and soul, using Scripture to encourage you, to exhort you, to admonish you where necessary, to rebuke you, to correct you? Do you have at least one such good, godly friend? I ask you another question. Are you such a friend to someone else? You need such a good friend, but are you such a good friend to someone else? Do you see that it is not good to be a loner? There are some people And it's not peculiar just to men, by the way, who like to be loners and they somehow think that this is noble. They pride themselves of the fact that, you know, I'm independent. I'm a loner. I like to do my own thing. Oh yeah, I'm a Christian. That is not something to be boasting about. It is not good to isolate yourself from Christians, from other brothers and sisters in Christ. When you do that, you are placing yourself in a path of real spiritual danger. No one in their right mind would go down to the shore of Jersey, rent a ocean sailboat, get into it. It's somebody who knows how to sail, knows how to sail even on the ocean. No one in their right mind, even an experienced sailor, would go rent such an ocean sailboat all by himself, get in it, go out into the Atlantic Ocean without anybody else knowing about it, without anybody else with him. And yet there are some Christians who think they can be isolated from others because they don't really need other people. You know, I've got my Bible. I've got the Spirit of God. Why do I need any other human beings? I mean, they're all sinners anyway. Somehow people who talk that way tend to forget that they're a sinner. You know, no one would do that with a sailboat on the Atlantic Ocean, and yet Christians at times do that, and they, by degrees often, start to reject the fellowship of the saints. And they find fault with that saint, and this saint, and that sister, and that brother, and the church as a whole. I mean, after all, who needs the church? Just a bunch of really lousy, messed up sinners. So if you speak negatively of the church of Jesus Christ, and if you speak more specifically as a general pattern in your life, negatively of the brothers and sisters of this church, there's something wrong with your heart. We are not a perfect church. I'm not a perfect pastor. Just ask my family. Just ask those who know me well. But we need one another. Do you understand that it is indeed detrimental to your soul and life to be absent from the very meetings of the church where your brothers and sisters can exhort you and encourage you in the way of Christ and in the way of life? Some members in this church are too sloppy, in my opinion, too sloppy and careless in the matter of attendance at the stated meetings of the church. Excuses are made. All sorts of justifications are given. And often when you're absent, And we as pastors happen to observe you're absent and we find out you're not absent because you're providentially hindered. You're not sick in bed. You don't have to tend to a sick child. There's some other worthless reason why you're not present in church. Often when we're aware of that, in God's sovereign purposes, the very message you missed is the message you needed to hear. And you think too highly of yourself if you think you don't need the people of God. What's the context in Hebrews chapter 3? What is it? What is he saying? Exhort one another day by day so long as it is called today. He's speaking to Christians. He's assuming they will be in a place of worship. And so you must, first of all, be physically present on the Lord's Day in the worship services in order to receive exhortations from your brethren, in order to engage yourself in social interaction and conversations. You must physically be present. But furthermore, you must be open to receive such exhortations from others. You must make yourself vulnerable. You must make yourself transparent. I am not saying that you need to be equally transparent with every single brother or sister in the church. You will have some individuals in the church that for these mysterious reasons of friendship, you feel very, it's very easy for you to open up and be transparent with that brother or that sister, but it's not so easy with that brother or that sister. That's fine, that's understandable, but you should be physically present and you should open up your heart, you should begin that process and try to do that with at least some of the brethren so that you can receive their exhortation so that you will continue to persevere on the way that leads to heaven. So if you're not physically present here on the Lord's Day, that won't happen. But if you are physically present, you still have work to do to make yourself open to the exhortations of others. You must fight against the tendency to be a loner, to be independent, to just bolt right out of here without any good reason and not interact with other brethren in the church. Furthermore, when you are in the midst of trial and difficulty, it may be trials and difficulty that have nothing to do with sin. Some of you have been laid off from work. Others are going through deep trials related to the physical well-being of loved ones. Others have other trials. Whatever the trials might be, when you're in the midst of trial and difficulty, there is a tendency to want to withdraw, to want to be apart, to want to be alone. And indeed, you do need to spend some time alone with God and with His Word. You do need time alone to think and to meditate upon God's Word, to pray for this one or that one. But when you are here on the Lord's Day, you need to see that you need spiritual nourishment from your brothers and sisters. You need to open up and say, you know, I'm actually very discouraged. I have been trying to get a new job. I've been doing this and this and this and praying, and still after two months, I have no job. I am feeling discouraged. You need to say that and then a brother or sister can exhort you, encourage you to press on, to pray for you, perhaps will bring some scripture to comfort you. And so you must do that in the midst of such difficult times of trial. You will be tempted at times to give up, to become cynical, to be negative, to throw up your hands in despair or disgust, to withdraw from the friends in the church. But when those times come, you must remember a passage such as Hebrews 3. But now turn to Hebrews chapter 10. Hebrews 10 and verse 23. Here's a similar word of instruction to us. Hebrews 10 verse 23. Let us hold fast the confession of our hope that it waver not, for he is faithful that promised. And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and good works, not forsaking our own assembling together, as the custom of some is, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the day drawing near. If you are a Christian, your own remaining sin will discourage you. It will hinder you from hoping in God. It will cause you at times to doubt and question the truthfulness of God's promises. Your sin will dampen and suppress your love for God, your love for other Christians, your love for sinners. And it's in such times that you need to be here on the Lord's Day, gathered with the people of God, interacting with friends who will provoke you, who will push you, who will encourage you to persevere and not give up in the face of your sins. This is what is meant by the writer here, that you should do this, and we are told that we are to do it all the more when we look forward and realize the day of judgment is drawing nearer and nearer and nearer. We are to keep the day of judgment before our minds, before our consciences. And we are to therefore encourage one another to persevere in holiness, to persevere in obedience to God's Word, to persevere in love one for another, to persevere in love for God, to persevere in love for sinners. We are to endeavor to establish rapport, one with another, here in church and outside of church. Be interested in each other's lives. Speak of the lessons that God is teaching you. Listen to the lessons God is teaching that brother or that sister. Use all that you can legitimately to encourage your brother or sister to persevere in love and in good works. Pray and strive to become gracious, sincere, loving, and skilled exhorters and friends one to another in the context of the church. And brethren, when God enables us to do that, those who come in as visitors will see this. I've said this on other occasions in other lessons, and I believe firmly that it's true because I think it can be seen in the Word of God, it can be seen in history, that when visitors come into the midst and they see the way you interact with one another, a couple over there after church in the pews talking one to another very in a very wholesome, lively way, a small group gathered over here, obviously enjoying one another's friendship. And if they walk by and they happen to hear someone speaking scripture, maybe the person's unconverted. They don't even know that it's scripture, but they hear something that sounds different and interesting. They see this. They realize that there's a difference. It is, those of you who work out in the world, you know that it is very different. And so brethren, I close this morning simply saying that the biblical basics regarding friends and friendships are that God's being and man's creation reveal that we need friends. God's created order reveals that we need friends. Sin destroys friendships. But sin also highlights and underscores the vital necessity of friendships. And one of the key places in which to establish, maintain, and prosper friendships is on the Lord's Day here in the gathered assembly of the people of God. Do not forsake the assembling of yourselves together, but actively give yourselves one to another to exhort, to provoke unto love and good works. And God will be glorified, you will be benefited, sinners will also be benefited, and Jesus Christ will be seen in our midst. So let's close in prayer. Our God, we cry to you and ask that you would help us who are naturally and natively self-centered and selfish to mortify our sins of selfishness, Self-centeredness, self-absorption, self-will. Help us, Lord, to do this and then to put on the Lord Jesus Christ and to have the Spirit of God dwelling within us, bearing fruit to your glory and praise and for the good of one another. We ask our God that in this age of increasing selfishness and crassness and indifference to the needs of others, that by your grace we would be very different from the world about us. Lord, help us, we pray, in Jesus' name. Amen.