Congregation, let's open Scripture and read in 1 Peter 3 and Ephesians 5. In 1 Peter 3, we turn to chapter 3. In 1 Peter 3, we read verse 1 to 7, and in Ephesians chapter 5, we read the verses 21 to 33. First reading, 1 Peter 3, 1 to 7. We read the word of God. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. You are her children. If you do good, do not fear anything that is frightening. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as a weaker vessel, since there are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. That is the first reading. Then we turn to Ephesians. chapter five, where we begin the reading at verse 21. There we read, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. As the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church, because we're members of his body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. So for the second reading, Let us then read the text for the sermon this afternoon. It is 1 Peter 3, verse 7, where we read, Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Congregation of the Lord Jesus Christ, for my convenience and for your instruction, I took along the sermon that I held two weeks ago in my own home congregation, which was on Mother's Day. And it being a benefit of having an exchange, you get that break that you can do a sermon more than once. But I wouldn't take this sermon along if it was just about Mother's Day. because you would be making a grave mistake if you follow the trends of the world and simply talk about how nice you have to be to your mother and what you have to pick as the perfect gift, be it flowers or chocolates. Mind you, there are churches that make a big event out of Mother's Day. Apparently, so I've learned, Mother's Day is the third largest church event in the history of the community churches. Besides Christmas and Easter, Mother's Day apparently is the big event. You have to count on a lot of extra customers. Now, we don't and did not follow the trends and the flavors of the day or, for that matter, the commercial agenda that is out there. When you come to church, you come for one thing and one thing only, and that is to hear the Word of God. However, the Word of God is not quiet about relationships the way we have them. And so it is fitting to listen to the Word of God and to listen to what God says about mothers and what gifts they should receive. The Apostle Peter makes a very nice point in our text. What do you give to a mother? What do you give to the mother of your children? When we listen to that, we come to discover that it applies to all our relationships. It applies to husbands and their wives. boyfriends and girlfriends to those who are engaged to be married. The best gift that a mother can ever receive, and that is not just on Mother's Day, but every day of the year, is to have a God-fearing husband. The best gift is to receive a husband who wishes to be an example of Jesus Christ. Now, if you as a father would think about that, you would be giving a beautiful gift to the mother of your children. And in that way, you would be truly pleasing to God. And the apostle directs husbands in our text to do that with honor, with grace, with love. And it being the word of God, in fact, it is God's gift to a husband, to direct him this way, and so it becomes God's gift to wives and mothers. Obedient husbands are God's gift for the husband's wife. Obedient husbands are God's gift for the benefit of the children. To honor your wife is what your children need because it is contagious. Children, follow your example, whether good or bad. And how good it is that God gives us his directive, so that there will be the joy and the pride of any mother, that she will receive the most precious gifts, a God-fearing leader. Now, how does the Apostle Peter arrive at that point? We'll find out as I preach to you the word of God. The theme of my sermon is God gives a precious gift to wives by telling their husbands to live honorably with their wives because grace is given equally so that both husband and wife grow spiritually. So I proclaim to you God gives a precious gift to wives by telling their husbands. to live honorably with their wives, because grace is given equally that both husband and wife grow spiritually. If you look at our text, you may think, well, that chapter three begins with six verses dealing with what wives are supposed to do. So why would you only pick verse seven? It seems to be a little bit unfair that there's an imbalance in the number of verses. I wouldn't be surprised if some of you think that to speak only about the husbands seems to be a hint that there is a problem with the husbands. Well, to an extent that is the case. The apostle arrives at the climax of his presentation He spends more words on the wives, but the impact, the climax of what he's saying comes in the end. And there's a good simple explanation for the difference in length between the section about the wives and about the husbands. Because there is this situation where the wives still are in an unequally yoked relationship and it needs more words to explain how then a husband can be one for Christ. But the apostle has saved the best for last. And he does it for good reason because the husband is called to leadership. But the interesting thing is that he doesn't say, okay, let's talk about leadership. You find that in that very first word of our text, where it says, likewise. That draws a parallel. And the first one is with the beginning of chapter three, verse one. Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands. But that's not the first time that he talks about likewise, because likewise, in verse one, refers to something before that. And that happens to be what you find in 2 verse 18. There it speaks about servants. And they have to be subject. But that in itself links back to the beginning of that pericope where it says in verse 13, be subject for the Lord's sake to every human institution. So the apostle really speaks about being submissive to those in authority. Subjects, the submission of the wives, runs parallel with the servants being subject to their masters. And that all is covered by that umbrella statement of be subject to every human institution. But now the interesting part is that the husbands are put under that same umbrella statement. We're not starting with a fresh thing. We're not a different angle. It's the same angle. The husbands likewise have to be submissive. That's the implication of that likewise. As God wants slaves to be obedient and wives to be submissive, also husbands have to be submissive. To what? to the one who's leading them. They have to be submissive to the Lord, to the will of God. And that's the first thing that you notice. We're not talking here about, guys, here you go, here you get the charge to take care of situations. No, the first thing is, submit! And that changes everything. For the husband's gift to his wife is not based on balancing out the give and take situation and making the best in the situation that he has. The Apostle Peter speaks about grace of life and prayers. And those are matters that belong in a different kind of relationship. They belong to the lives of God's children and that characterizes a marital relationship. So we're not talking about now it's time for the guys to assert themselves. On the contrary, guys, realize that you are to be submissive to God. And how does that work out? Well, you have to live with your wives in an understanding way. So what does that mean? Does it mean that you have to live modestly and decently with your wives? Is that what an understanding way means? Is that a description of how to live? Is it as some say that you just have to know how to be smart about it and not stretch things too far that it might break? No, just live with your wife in an understanding way, play it cool. Is that what it says? Well, actually it doesn't. First thing that you find is that it says, live with your wives. You could put a period there. That is the main sentence. And it literally means what it means, namely that you have to be under the same roof. You can't be separated and say, I'm still married and she's there and I'm over there. That's just one extreme. You can't live as if you can be gone all of the daytime and only meet your wife when you go to bed. So the very little meaning is to be there. It is good to appreciate that. Being married means living under one roof, to be present as much as possible. To breathe the same air is a good gift to your wife. But there's more. For living with your wife has a deeper meaning than occupying the same building. There are times that I use an example and say, if I go from Grimsby to Toronto by train, I have to be there at a certain time, I have to be there on the same train as everybody else, and there might be people that do exactly the same thing, got up at the same time, do the same thing, arrive at the same destination. You're doing the same thing at the same time, breathe the same air, have the same means of transportation. It doesn't mean that you're married. You can do a lot of things together, But it doesn't mean that you are really together in that marital relationship. It goes a lot more than breathing the same air and being in the same space. It goes even a lot further than pure physical unity. Living with each other is that you are united in every way. And there the apostle links to the original design of God in paradise. Paul refers to that in Ephesians 5, but that goes back to Genesis 2 where it says, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh. They shall become a unit. They shall become united. There cannot be any disunity when God brings you together. And we'll get to that a little bit more later on. It's not only that you live in the same house and that you eat the same food and breathe the same air, but you share your life. As a matter of fact, you have become one and that means that you have one life. You have one goal. You are one. One team. You don't have separate lives and you run parallel on parallel running tracks. You don't have a business-like agreement about housing and children and finances and what have you. That is why the Apostle so clearly says, live with your wires. And then he adds, in an understanding way, so that qualifies the first. It's like an adjective to a noun. So what does it mean that once you have established that you have to be united, that you have to do that in an understanding way? According to my dictionary, an understanding way means things like kind, polite, thoughtful, generous, and probably a whole host of other beautiful things. But you really miss the point if you focus on that. Because the original does not speak about an understanding way, but simply says, with knowledge or according to knowledge. So without living, there has to be knowledge that is necessary. What does that mean? Fairly straightforward. If you do not know your wife, you don't know how to live with her. If you don't know your wife, you can't love her. It's that kind of knowing that the Bible describes many times. There's a time that John the Baptist presents himself to the people of Israel, And then there is in Matthew 17, that's way after the fact, there's a commentary. Verse 12 in Matthew 17 says, they did not recognize him, but they did to him everything they pleased. They didn't know him, and that's why they didn't love him. So to have knowledge means that you are into the other person. To have no knowledge about the one that you are in union with makes you unpredictable. The other hand, if you know someone, you become very careful, very precise, very certain in your moves. Husbands are in this way called to know their wives. Not just that you recognize your wife and say, she's beautiful, But you have to know her on the inside. You have to know of what she is made of. And if you know her, you will love her. If you don't know her, you can't love her. What you don't know, you won't love. But what you do know, you will love. In fact, the call is what Peter directs the wife to display. And he also goes from the outside to the inside. He says, this is what you really need to display. But he says, it's not about the braiding of hair. It's not about the putting on of gold jewelry. It's not about the clothing you wear. This is how you become beautiful for God. Your adorning should be of the hidden person of the heart with imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. That is precious in the sight of God. Well, husbands have to get to know that. They have to learn to appreciate that beauty that comes from within. That's very important. Because how often is it not that it all begins on the wrong foot? A boy and a girl get to know each other, they think, they fall in love, and they never rise from that fall. They don't take the time to get to know each other. And it is so tempting to carry on with that, to get married and to think we've got it all figured out. You think that everything will run fine if you somehow just love your wife without knowing her. But to know your wife is a valuable gift to your wife. Otherwise, your loving may quite well be external only. It may look nice, but it won't last. To put it plainly, to put a precious ring on her finger is of less value than the gift of truly knowing your wife. Don't you think it is remarkable that the apostle doesn't even mention to guys that they have to love their wives? Live with her, know her. He moves away from the sentimental affection and drives them to know their wives. Be an expert at who she is. Get into what she needs, what she likes, what she dislikes, her strengths, her weaknesses. And if you're busy with that as husbands, then your wife will get to know you as the one that truly cares for her. Brothers, care for your wives so much as Christ cared for his church. because a better gift to give still has to be found. But if you live with your wife and know her, then you will show her the honor as the weaker vessel. There's one of those expressions that also needs a bit of attention, being the weaker vessel. What does that mean? People have run all over the place with that, but let's just stick with what the Bible teaches us. It's very simple. The Bible speaks more often about the vessels, showing honor to the weaker vessel, the female. The Bible speaks about it, about vessels and containers. For instance, the Apostle Paul speaks about himself as a container for the gospel, a vessel. In Acts 9.15, it's translated as an instrument, but it actually says, I am a vessel in which the name of God is carried around. 2 Corinthians 4, a rather familiar chapter, he speaks about this treasure of the gospel is in a jar of clay. It's not only about apostles and about ministers who are pots for the gospel. The young minister Timothy is directed by Paul about what he sees in the congregation and he says you know you have all sorts of different people and now I'm quoting 2 Timothy 2 verse 20 You have vessels of gold, silver, wood, and clay, some for honorable use, some for dishonorable use. He said there's all sorts of different people. They're all different vessels, different pots. Now, when a woman then is called a vessel, she's not singled out as the only one that is a pot. No, everybody is a vessel. It doesn't mean that she's kitchen cookware, but it means that she's someone that is made in the pottery of God. And she and her husband are made in the pottery of God. You recognize the words that you find in the Old Testament in Isaiah and Jeremiah, where it speaks about God being the potter who makes pots and pans to his liking. And we know actually from the Bible that God did that indeed from clay. That's what it says about Genesis, that God made him from the clay of the ground. The maker of paradise made us into the vessels that he designed. And so the male and the female are made and then they're brought together. And then they become a communicating vessel. So the strength of the combination is the strength of the weakest one. It's not about strong and weak, but about weak and weaker, that's the comparison. So what that means is that the one half of the vessel is limited by the strengths, or for that matter, the weaknesses of the other vessel. It has physical implications, that's the obvious meaning in 1 Thessalonians 4, where the word is used in the Greek. And then the translation says, each one of you should know how to control his own vessel, wife, body, in holiness and honor. You can spend some time on that, and you figure out the same thing. Namely, you have to take care of yourself, and that means also the one that's attached to you. So it means the limitations of the wife are the limitations of the husband. So the Apostle Peter says, the ones that have become one flesh should act like that. Don't act as if you are two parties coming from different angles with different interests and cross-purposes that you only share the practical things for a while as per legal contracts. You are one flesh, you are one vessel, two jars of clay, have become one communicating vessel. And the point of the text in the preceding verses is that the man must make it work. Because he's the head of the marriage. The wife is called to submit. And the start of a lot of things has to come from the leader. And the gift of a leader in marriage is to live with his wife, to know her, to adjust to her, and to accommodate her possibilities. And then the man will discover that she's not made like him. You cannot toss your wife around. You cannot be careless. A husband must be so careful that that precious vessel that is attached to him will not break. She's a precious, delicate vessel. made by a divine potter. And who are you to break it? You have to treat it with utmost care. Now, in order to know how careful you should be with your vessel, you should know your vessel completely. And if you really want to know her, you have to go to the potter and learn from him. how he shaped her. And so we come to the second thought of the sermon. The apostle continues with explaining the husband's work with that weaker vessel. You shouldn't be careful just with your wife because she is weaker, more limited. Because you usually think, well, yeah, well, that's obvious. I can lift her and she can't lift it. I'm stronger than she is. The apostle is not feeding a mindset that could make men into male chauvinists. No, man needs to treat the weaker vessel as it directs him. A man knows his limitations because he knows his wife's limitations. It's a matter of weaker and weak, not weak and strong. Remember, you're not on parallel tracks, but you're united. Now, that is supported by the reason that follows, because you have joint grace. Grace is given to both of you equally. The original speaks about joint heirs, that joint thing you find in things like when you sign for a loan, you have a joint signer, a co-signer. You're not just having each your own portion of grace. No, you're joint heirs to the grace of life. Heirs with you, do not mistake that. You cannot say, well, we just happen to have something, and she has something, and I have something. You cannot just take off on your own on this. Joint heirs means that you cannot even talk in the plural anymore. You can't say, my wife and I, or the wife and I. It doesn't make sense anymore. It's we. You are not two different people anymore. You are joined. It doesn't speak of two, it speaks of one who have become one flesh. As per design of God, Adam and Eve were made one. And so they are addressed by God as one. They're blessed by God as one. They're punished by God as one. And so they're given grace by God as one. and husband and his wife are inseparable. Now in that design, the husband is in the lead, he's in charge of both, he's responsible, but that does not mean that he receives his portion of grace and that he graciously shares of the crumbs with his wife. Now joint heirs, the grace of life means that there's one portion and you share it equally. And there again, we look at Christ. Because Christ doesn't say, I'm the righteous one, and you're the unrighteous one, and I'll spill some of the crumbs. But he shares his treasures and gifts, yet he shares himself with his bride, with the church, to make her Christ-like. The Apostle, as we have read, the Apostle Paul, speaks about the self-sacrificing love of Christ. You love till it hurts. You share. You empty yourself out. Husbands should show that. That is being joint heirs of the grace of life. Grace is given to husbands and wives. One flesh, one life, one portion of grace, completely even. Grace is promised equally, given equally, and enjoyed equally. And so, my brother and sister, if so grace is given, there is no room anymore for personal experiments. You give your wife the gift of being a good husband. And it's not because you consider her lower. No, but she is in that same grace that you have received. The Apostle Paul therefore says, love her like you love your own body. That's the way you love your wife. Love her as your own body, because when you love your wife, you love yourself. There you have that same intertwined experience. You love yourself, not because you're good, but because you have been given grace by God. And that's how you see your wife. She's been given the same. And so you're joint heirs to the grace of life. And if you so love the one who has received that same grace of life, then you share, you build each other up, and so you grow. that grace is the motivation in all you do. For you may have to make sure that your wife will not lose the grace because you caused it to be taken away. A husband may not block the spiritual development of his wife. A husband is placed under a holy obligation to bring out the beauty of God's grace in his wife, because then it will grow. We have to keep in mind that the heir part means that there is a promise, you have a connection, but you don't have the full package yet. There's more to come. Now, husbands are put in charge to make sure that everything that God has in mind will come, that nothing will hinder that. Husbands, therefore, cannot put up stumbling stones for their wives, but they have to make stepping stones, because you're the leader. You must let her develop in God's grace so that she may be filled with the grace of God. and then you can spiritually grow. That comes out in the part where it says that your prayers may not be hindered. We already have seen that the Apostle Peter has crafted a very powerful directive for men. He did indeed save the best for last. The line of reasoning is that real care for your wife starts with living with her, knowing her, because she's an heir of the great riches, and by doing so, You keep your relationship with God intact. You can keep on praying. And I purposely say it that way, that you can keep on praying. That's the implication here. When you take that forward, it really stands for, you see that prayer is an integral part of marital life. Brothers and sisters, if you only pray when you smell food, you're not giving the best gift there is to give. The best gift a man can give his wife is to pray with her, to pray for her all the time, especially in marriage. And I emphasize that because often you hear that the prayers that the couple share are the prayers at the meal table. if they have a meal together. You can hear that prayers are for special occasions, special reasons. You can hear that the odd time when a prayer is offered, it's uncomfortable. I would say, well, what a surprise. I recognize that. If you get out of the habit, you'll never get back into it, especially when there's more pressure. Humanly speaking, if you start to slip, there is reason to do it even less. You can even hear that both partners state, prayer is a personal matter. You can't share it with anyone else. But really, joint heirs to the grace of life, joint lives, Having everything you know in common and not to have your relationship with God in common. You would be withholding the most important gift to your wife when you do not pray with her and for her. And that's not the picture that we get in our text. Peter stated that husband and wife have become one flesh, one grace. As a matter of logic, you have one prayer. And therefore the prayers here are the prayers that you pray as a couple, the prayers that you should pray as a couple. It's common in the Bible to speak like that. Paul speaks about that in 1 Corinthians 7. He says, do not deprive one another except perhaps by agreement for a limited time that you may devote yourselves to prayer. There are certain things you can back off on, but then you have to invest more in prayer. What a gift for a man to give his wife. I'm praying for you. I'm praying with you. It's the best I can offer you. It's a prayer that keeps you in touch with God. It's the prayer that works out your spiritual growth. A prayer that includes all things that a married couple have in common. All the glad things, the mad things, the sad things, the difficult things, the easy things, the thankfulness, the misery, the grace, the deliverance. If all of that you bring to God in prayer, then God hears the prayers of His children, especially when it is a joint prayer. But congregation, if you do not see each other as joint heirs of the grace, then the reason to pray for it in your joint prayer is not there anymore either. The warning is that disturbed relationships disturb the relationship with God. And once it's disturbed, it could suffer to the extent of suffocation. Husbands, if you do not see your wife as being on the same gracious level as where you are, What will your prayer be like? Do you think you will be praying for her still? Do you think your prayers will last? They will be hindered. Because there's someone listening to your prayers. And he's giving you the gift of prayer. And if you withhold the gift that God gave you from your wife, what do you think God is going to say about that? When you withhold the gift of prayer for your wife, you hinder her in functioning as a wife and mother. Instead of giving her that precious gift, you're robbing her of that gift. And by extension, you're robbing your children. And when your prayers are hindered, God is hindered in answering them. God might stop answering your prayers. For why would He forgive our sins if we do not understand what it is to be forgiven because we don't forgive each other? Why give grace if we don't see the grace in ourselves and in the other? The Lord wants things to be good between spouses. And he says, I can understand that things are not always ideal. But then you fix it. It's like the Lord Jesus says in Matthew 5. He says there, if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Well, go ahead. Change brother into sister, or change brother into your wife. Then you get the picture. The Lord will not keep on giving grace when you don't see the grace in your spouse. Your prayers will be hindered, and the answering of your prayers will be hindered. It will lead to the death of prayer. If there's a lot wrong between spouses, you know what first goes out of the window? Prayer. It's not just hindered. It gets tossed. A lot of problems. could have been solved if husbands had kept on praying with their wives and for their wives. And the whole thing of taking care of that is placed on the husband's hands. He has to make sure that prayers are not hindered. He must provide everything that is needed for spiritual growth. Husbands are charged not to choke spiritual growth. Husbands are charged to take care of the mother of their children. Peter puts a bigger picture behind it and says, the end of all things is near. The end of all things is at hand. Therefore, be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep on loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. That comes up in chapter four of this letter. Brothers and sisters, these are the words of God. They're the gifts of God to mothers to direct their husbands to keep on giving themselves in pure love to the mother of his children. For by doing so, you teach your children, if God gives you them, what a wonderful gift Christ gave to His bride. Amen.