Ephesians six. Speaking of the reading of verse one, children, obey your parents and the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment, the promise that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. And you fathers do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up into training and admonition of the Lord. So we've been looking at this instructions here, the command to train our children up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. I want you to just pause for a moment as we've been reading through 2 Kings, and each time we read, there's a king. Maybe he did good, and then there's usually a but. He didn't take down the high places, or he didn't do this. And what happens when you get the lesser of two evils? Well, what ends up happening is we get comfortable with a little bit of sin, and more sin, and more sin, and then after you know, next thing you know, you're comfortable with sacrificing and killing babies. That's what happened there and what we read this morning. Don't think you read this chapter that we looked at this morning and think, oh, well, that just all of a sudden sprung up. No, sin defiles, it twists, it distorts the mind and it makes you want to accept things that you would think are abominable. We've now normalized it and said they're right. Now, where does this start? Well, we need to start training our children in the home and go back to God's purpose and plan because God gave the children to the parents. Now understand this, I wanna keep looking at this study of shepherding the hearts of our children this morning. Because what we've seen so far is that God's word has not only told us to train our children, but that the word of God teaches us how. We've identified many unbiblical approaches to training our children. And I hope that if that describes you, if one of those unbiblical approaches, you saw a little bit of yourself in that approach, you would go and confess it, repent, and start weeding that out because it doesn't produce the kind of fruit we're wanting to see in our children. Last time we started, well, the other thing we talked about is God made you the authority over your children. It's your job. He didn't give it to the state. He didn't give it to the church. He gave those children to you. And so last week we started looking at biblical methods and we noticed that in Proverbs 29, 15, the Bible says the rod and reproof give wisdom, both. So what has God given to the family to help train and shepherd the hearts of our children? Both the rod and the word of God. Now let me just stop here and pause for a moment. We got a wide range of people here, different ages, different points in your life. And if you're sitting here saying, well, I'm not a parent. This doesn't really have anything to do with me. I'm going to zone out. Let me just say, young people, one day you may be. God bless you. You need to learn these principles because you can see all around you the destruction of unbiblical methods and the damage it's done to our children and how the enemy has come to steal, kill and destroy and rob our children from Christian homes. For those of you who are like me and my children are kind of moving on to another realm, well, you may have grandchildren you can help, but these principles we're talking about really deal with the hearts of any unbeliever, right? When we're dealing with unbelievers in any stage, whether you're children or someone outside, you're going to have to get to the heart and you're going to have to bring something more than, you know, your attitude or your wit and your charm. You must bring the word of God. And you need to have the skills. The skills you use in your home to train your children will be the very same skills you use to bring the word of God to an unbeliever and then disciples. What do you think we do when we disciple an adult believer? Well, we kind of figure out what they're struggling with. What propensity towards certain sins are they wrestling with? We then take the word of God and show them and watch how the power of God continues to break them from that bondage. So last week, to impart wisdom, we argued that the reproof part of this equation is that we've got to communicate with our children. And when I say communicate, a lot of times we think that's me talking and you shutting up, right? That's the way we look at our kids. But communication means I need to let them speak at some point so I can understand what's going on within them. I'm not saying let them justify their sin. But what I am saying is I need to hear what's going on within them. And if I don't ever have a communication where it's going back and forth, I'll never figure that out. That takes skills and that skill has to be developed over time. And so if you're not incorporating that in your own home, start doing that now. So seize upon the opportunity, seize upon the time that you have with your child. to bring rich forms of communication to the table, rich instruction to your children. If the only time you ever talk to your kid is when you're rebuking them, it's going to limit how much you can communicate with them and understand because God gives us more than rebukes when dealing with our children. He gives us rich forms of communication. We'll look at that in just a minute. Now we've seen the lack of fruit in this land. Why? We don't trust God and we don't fear God enough to implement his methods in training our children. And that's been the problem. The idols within the American church have deceived most within the church that God doesn't really care how you train them. And that's the way most people you know in this area think. I mean, I shared a podcast with you earlier this week about this plague, this cancer in the church called gentle parenting. It's this model that has infected many Christians. Yeah, I've seen this for over 30 years. You know, it's biblical parenting has been replaced with unbiblical models. I just didn't know it had a name, but it does. And it's a real problem going in a lot of churches and maybe you've been affected by it and you just didn't realize it. It sounds good, right? It sounds good, gentle parenting. But what does it mean? What is the fruit of that sin? And it's interesting, if you listen to the podcast, the guy that was doing it, he noted that those who embrace the gentle parenting model, and you see these parents, they're always exasperated, they're always worn out, and they're always frustrated and exhausted. Why? Because they have no mechanism by which to deal with when the child breaks a boundary or crosses a boundary. Now, if the purpose of taking your child outside, you know, think about this. We see that, and I've seen that over the years here and in other churches that are like ours, where, as you can hear, there's children in here. Amen. Right? Praise God. And so we've seen parents where, and let me ask you this, when you see a parent, week after week, and they take the child outside, and the child's just running around up and down the sidewalk. Now, who's training who in that scenario? Now, if you take the child outside to discipline them to say, what you just did in here is not proper, and we're going to go back in there, we're going to try this again, but that's discipline, that's training. But if the child is manipulating you, if they've learned at an early age, I can sit and make noise, or I can just get agitated and fidgety, and then you can take me outside and I just get to do what I want to do, who's training who? Now, here's the question. Where should that training really start anyway? Where should the child learn to have reverence for God's word, the worship of God? It's in the home. It's in the home. And if you haven't been doing that, what you're actually doing is being cruel to your child to say, I'm not gonna give you any structure, any discipline at home. I'm gonna try to force you to sit still in a worship service and then try to figure out what to do with it. Start the process of training at home. Start to learn that reverence because the home is where we train our children. I hope that helps you. Um, so if you're not working on that, you're in family worship. If you're not sitting still with your child, I'd encourage you to start, but you know, to do family worship, you're going to have to plan. You got to give up some things. You have to give up your hobbies. You're going to have to give up your entertainments because there's something more valuable, more important here than you. There's a child, there's a soul there that's at stake. Now, a father and mother who set clear expectations with the children. Let me say this, for the parent who's exasperated or exhausted, if you set clear expectations with the children and hold them accountable, I'm gonna tell you, you're not gonna be exasperated all the time. I know what some of you are thinking. You have a pastor, you don't know my child. My child has a very strong will, pastor, and you just don't get it. Well, you've met my children. There ain't a weak one in the lot. Every one of them came out crossing boundaries, and every one of them had a strong will. But what was our job then to do? What are we supposed to do with those strong wills? By God's grace, we take that strong will and bring it under the discipline of Christ. And so we're going to talk more about that this morning. Let me keep reminding you of the principles we've covered up to this point, because this morning we're going to shift our focus to the rod. And before I get into all the teaching on the rod, for those who have not been part of the teachings up to this point, I don't want you to think we're just here encouraging rod only, rod only, rod only. I want to remind you of what we've been talking to up at this point, because if the only thing you're doing is using the rod, you're going to provoke that child to wrath. We've got to do this communication part. We've got to bring the instruction of God's word. You should start, let me ask you this. Let's see how you've been paying attention. When should you start the training process? As early as possible. And remember, God has ordained the means of your child's salvation. Right? Think about it. We pray as those who farm, we pray that God give us just a bumper harvest, you know, just incredible harvest. But aren't we supposed to sow? Aren't we supposed to water? Aren't we supposed to nurture? Aren't we supposed to then at some point go out and harvest? I mean, all those things a farmer does, he's dependent upon God to bless it, but the means by to get the blessing, he's laid out. The same is true for our children. We're gonna see fruit in our children's life. He's ordained the means by which that fruit is produced. So in the early years, you wanna establish discipline and training. When the child is first born, we spend so much more attention on them than they do on us. However, at some point, that's gotta change. They need to start at an early age to make sure they're focusing on you. What happens if that doesn't happen? Well, you have a child-centered home rather than a Christ-centered home. Your kids need to respond to you immediately when you call upon them. They should do what you ask them immediately without hesitation. So delayed obedience is disobedience. And we need to teach them that. And many of you may be training your children to disobey and you don't even realize it. What are some ways you could think of that you might be training your children to disobey? but I'm gonna count to three. So between one and three, you can disobey. That's what you just did. You just taught them, it's okay. Or, I'm gonna let you sin until I lose it, and then I'm gonna just explode on you. You just trained them to disobey, and their job then is to try to figure out, well, where's your fuse at this day? Just understand, you are teaching your children to fear something, but it's to fear you, and not God. Go to James 1 again. Let's turn to James and see what James has to say about this. I think this is one of the most pivotal verses that helped me as a father. James 1, 19. So then my beloved brother, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath. Why? Because the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God. So the falsehood being demonstrated here is that we will not correct the heart of the child through just raw personal rage. And James is clear. that the righteous life that God desires is never the product of out of control anger. Human anger may teach, you know, your children to fear you, and they will behave a little better for a time, but it won't bring what we call true biblical righteousness. The other thing we need to understand is that any change that's produced by your anger is not really gonna just change that heart, which is what we're trying to go after here. What it will do is it will move them towards the idolatry of fearing man. And that's why I think James is saying you need to pay attention, take note, don't gloss over this principle. You wanna demonstrate you don't trust that God can work in the heart of your child? Just keep exploding on it. You see, you're testifying, I don't believe God's word is sufficient. I gotta throw my anger in the middle of all this. Keep in mind, if you are bringing about obedience because you're loud and strong, Just think what you just did to your wife and the pitiful position you put her in. How was she supposed to get their attention because she can't match your strength and she probably can't match your volume. So you've trained your child to respond to a certain level of intensity that they're not able to match and you put her in an awkward position because the only time they're going to listen is when someone rails on them. And so here's the thing I would say, during the younger years, make sure that your children pay attention to you. It's important. Turn to 1 Samuel chapter 3. When it comes to training your children, make sure you establish that this discipline, this principle, you're not going to allow sin to go unnoticed in your household. Look at 2 Samuel 3. 2 Samuel 3. Look at verse 10, there's a lot of background here, but I think, I'm sorry, 1 Samuel, excuse me, 1 Samuel 3. Notice the prophecy over Eli in verse 10. Now the Lord came and stood and called out at his other time, Samuel, Samuel, and Samuel answered, speak for your servant hears. Then the Lord said to Samuel, behold, I will do something in Israel at which both ears of everyone who hears it will tingle. In that day, I will perform against Eli all that I've spoken concerning his house from the beginning to end. For I've told him that I will judge his house forever and the iniquity which he knows, that's critical. the iniquity which he knows because his sons made themselves vile and he did not restrain them. And therefore I have sworn to the house of Eli that the iniquity of Eli's house shall be atoned for by sacrifice or offering forever." That one kind of hits you, doesn't it? Notice the consequence of not restraining sin within your home. You as parents have responsibility to restrain evil within your own home. And so we've got to be diligent to restrain it. You know all the effects of sin and damage that it does. Don't allow it to fester. Don't allow it to permeate your home. To let rebellion and disobedience to continue in your home without biblically conforming or confronting it does not show your hatred for sin, but it shows your acceptance of it. You know what else it does? It shows your child you don't really love them. Think about this. Let me try to give an example to drive that home. What would you think if you saw some lady down on the street and getting robbed at 25 feet? There's a cop and he stands there and watches. He has authority to intervene. He's equipped to intervene, but he doesn't. What would you think of that cop? Derelict, right? Well, the same is true as parents when they see disobedience in their child and they refuse to intervene. You have the authority to intervene. You have all the tools to intervene. where we'd be no better than the cop. Parental laxity is cruel to the child. And so if there's one thing you need to get from the story of Eli is that you will be held accountable. Eli had the responsibility, but he did nothing. And that's what God is telling Eli. Finally, don't accept rebellion, for example, just because you have a toddler. Many parents look at their toddler and say, well, I know it's rebellion, but you know, that's just what toddlers do. And you ignore it. Well, of course that's what they do. Why? Why do they do that? Why do toddlers rebel? They have a sin nature, right? But why did God give them an authority? Yeah, toddlers rebel. That's why toddlers can't just go live out on their own. They have a sin nature. They need parental authority over them. You know, other parents look at the rebellion of their teenagers and say, you know, that's just what teenagers do. I don't know. Edwards wrote in his day, it's interesting, you think about Jonathan Edwards, and well, that certainly would have been the heyday when all the teenagers were well-behaved. But Edwards saw a problem in his day, didn't he? But this is what happens when you fill the church up with unbelievers and call them believers. Yeah. But he had rebellion in their heart. Edwards noted this. He says, if you cannot restrain your children, it is no excuse for it is a sign you have brought up your children without government and without your regard. or your regard for your authority. So when your child no longer regards your authority, then all your reproofs, all your counsel mean nothing to them. And so Edwards lamented back in his day, how few there were who maintained true authority within their home. Now what changed that? Well, God started sending ministers of the gospel to talk about the new birth. Started purging the church out a little bit. And so we had a revival. And part of that revival was to start bringing these children back under the fear and admonition of the Lord. But God is telling Eli here, you knew the sin, but you didn't intervene. And again, some of you, not you, I'm just saying in general, in the church, some in the church are allowing their toddlers to sin with no intervention. And then the toddler learns this and he begins to train the parent. But what you need to be doing is to train the child at home. When they hear your voice, they stop what they do and they obey you immediately. Don't tolerate your child doing things when they feel like it. Don't stand for it when your child sins and disobeys you. You must learn to intervene. We see the consequences when we build our houses on the sandy foundation of human opinions, rather than the rock word of Jesus Christ. And so what we see is that now it's not only that children are disrespectful to parents. We have so many out there that we confront that blaspheme and mock God with no sense of remorse at all. These young children who are coming out of the church, how many of you guys that have been down to the abortion mill have seen young girls who are in the church and have no sense of right and wrong and just without any remorse kill their baby? Where does that come from? Well, we've hardened their hearts. We thought made them to believe they're the center of the universe when they're not. Christ is. We do them a great disservice when we say, oh, it's okay to sin and justify it. Well, that's what toddlers do. Well, that's what kindergarten children do. That's what teenagers do. Well, of course, if left to themselves, that's exactly what they do. But that's why God gave them authority. That's why God gave them you. So don't stand for it. Don't stand for sin in your home. You want to gain their hearts, but don't train them towards disobedience, but train them towards obedience. And when we discipline, we are disciplining them with the interest of their hearts being prepared to receive the grace and forgiveness of God. Let me just say this. If you haven't embraced what we've been talking about over the last four weeks, you're not really going to get this next section because you're going to think that the rod is a magical tool that magically will just change the heart. It doesn't work that way. The rod never imparts wisdom. It's the word of God that imparts wisdom. You can't ignore this part of it. You can't see sin in your home like Eli did and ignore it and think, well, I'll just use the rod. You have to use the rod, but you must train that heart and shepherd that heart with the word of God, which is where the real power is anyway. Now, last time we talked about using rich forms of communication, teaching the scriptures as soon as they become able to sit and hear. I mean, you should be teaching the scriptures anyway, but as they grow up and they can hear and begin to talk, you should be dialoguing with them. Now, you don't have to do it this way, but catechisms are a good way to start. You know, particularly if you're new to the faith and you don't have a real good grasp of the word of God, you can take a catechism and start with who made you? It sounds like a simple question, but it's profound, the answer. What does it mean when you say God made you? And start working with that child to understand if God made you, you're accountable to him. You owe him your duty and your allegiance and your affections, right? Why did he create you? To glorify him. Then you get to explain to the child, what does it mean to glorify God? To love him, do what he says, and start pressing that into all the right corners. And you say, well, but if I do that with my three-year-old, they're not gonna get it. We're not gonna just teach it once. You're gonna teach it and continue to teach it. They're gonna see you teaching it and they're gonna see you living it out. This is what it means to glorify God. Oh, the way I work and keep my word, that matters. The way I go to church and worship God, the way I structure my home life when we worship God at home. All these things they begin to see, oh, my dad and my mom, they do all things to the glory of God. But you could take that, you could take this, and here's the interesting thing. What's interesting about, say for example, using catechism, is you're not just teaching them, you'll be amazed at how much it teaches you. Because you know what children can do better than adults? They can ask questions with no filter. And they can really press you and stretch you in your understanding of the word of God, which is good. And as we said last week, here's the problem. When your children ask you theological questions that you can't answer, and you try to push it off as though it doesn't matter, they're not just gonna go away. They're gonna go find an answer. The question for you is, who do you want them to find the answer from? You or somebody else? So it'll grow you. Now, let's talk about these different forms. And what you're trying to do with all this is take the word of God and hide it upon their hearts so they won't sin against God. Now, let's talk about these different forms of communication real quickly. Let me run through them. We have encouragement. Right? We think of communicating is, okay, the child misbehaved, and then I'll communicate with them as I show my displeasure in correcting them. Well, that's part of it, but most of your conversation shouldn't be in that realm. It should be in positive enforcing of truth. One of the things that you can do is encourage. Have you spent any time encouraging your children? We need to inspire children with hope and courage. Also, if you see that your child recognizes that they've committed the sin they've done wrong. You don't necessarily have to give them any more rebukes if the spirit of God is working on them. When you detect the spirit of God working within your child, encourage them to do what? To seek after God, to seek what brings him pleasure. So when a child is tangibly struggling with sin, encourage them by reminding them that Christ came to needy, sinful people. Their hearts are ready for Christ if he's working on them. Help them assess why they're They're struggling with a particular sin. Point them to the promises of God where he can break that sin if you'll turn to him. If all you're doing is petting them, if all you're doing is encouraging them in the sense that, well, it's okay. Nobody's perfect. Right? You're not preparing their heart for Christ. One of the things that I saw, you know, just, um, Part of encouragement, I can see when Parker did one of his very first framing jobs, it was a huge house and he underbid it. And he took a crew of homeschoolers to help him with this job, right? And I was amazed at what he did. After a while, he got there and he began to realize he was in over his head and he was going to lose some money on the deal. But the thing, you know, so what I do, you know, you idiot, why did you, no, what does that help? You encourage him to say, son, finish the job. Now, he never once asked, should I just stop and not take a loss? No, you gave the person your word. And it was interesting to watch how he was committed to keeping his word, even though he was taking a haircut, even though he needed to pay his labors to do this. What did he need? Son, I don't know how in the world I couldn't have done this. I couldn't have framed a 3,000 square foot house with three homes built. who had no real construction experience. But the fact that you started and finished it, listen, you learned, you underbid it. Let's move on to the next one. But sometimes we just need to encourage our children, right? What about correction? Correction is a good way. When do we correct? Well, correction means that we're bringing the child to conformity with the standard. So the purpose of correction is to remedy something that they've done wrong. Correction gives you your child insight into what is wrong and what may be done to correct the problem. Correction helps your children understand God's standard and teaches them to assess their behavior against that standard. So let's say you're doing family worship. Let's use that as an example. And you notice one of your kids are not participating. They're not singing, they're not listening. Say you're in the public worship and your kid refuses to participate. Something's wrong. You've got an opportunity now to correct that and show them why is worship important? You've got an opportunity to correct a behavior and get them to think correctly. Use it as an opportunity to explain the seriousness, the reverence that we should have before coming to God. And you may need to do that the night before. You might need to start, you know, if you've noticed like you've got a kid who's just counting ceiling tiles, watching the cars go by, they won't read the Bible, they won't open it, they won't open the hymn book, they won't sing, they won't participate. Get their heart ready the night before. Sit them down and say, you need to understand we're coming before the King. Let's examine your heart before you walk in there. Don't let them feel comfortable coming in the presence of the Holy God and think they can roll their eyes and go through the motions and not participate in the worship of God. All right, what about a rebuke? Rebuke, censor behavior, dependent on the nature and the extent of the rebellion. It is okay for your child to experience a sense of alarm at what they did or said. If you clearly taught something within your home, your principle or rule, and your child blatantly disregards it, then a rebuke is necessary. Now, after you rebuke them, keep in mind there are other forms that need to be added. After the rebuke, after the shock of what they did has been addressed, you then go and encourage in terms of instruction, encouragement, and don't ever forget prayer. Because you need something stronger than you. You need to invoke the name of God to come into that child's life. Remember, a rebuke is not uncontrolled outbursts of wrath, but it is purposeful, it's direct communication to expose the seriousness of that sin. And so, just think of it this way, this form of communication is important to utilize when we deal with open rebellion. Now let me say this, this doesn't just happen in the home either. We need to be wise about how we use different forms of communication. Let's say, for example, I'm out sharing the gospel, Should I just rebuke everybody that walks by me? I don't know where they are, right? Maybe I should ask some questions. But what if I go down to the local abortion meal and there's a new pro-abort? Maybe they're just a dupe and deceived. So I try to bring some of these other forms of communication to the table. But then what happens when they just immediately start blaspheming God, spitting on the gospel? Well, then they get a review. because this behavior is blatant disregard and blatant rebellion. So be careful. These principles don't just apply in your home with your children. We need to assess every battlefield and learn the different forms of communication. How about an entreaty? An entreaty is just a plea, a sense of earnestness. It's an intense. As a father, you're pleading. As a mother, you're pleading with your child to understand the extreme nature of the moment. Now, let me just say this. It's when temptation is there and your child hasn't committed the sin yet, but you can see they're wrestling with it. You're pleading with them to help them understand the seriousness of this situation, this temptation that they're refusing to deal with. And it's powerful. You know, the child understands. The great importance, I've had to do this before with children that are attempting to do some things that are really bad. And the family asked me to come in. And when I understand what they're doing and what they're about to do, I play with them. Don't stand in this way. Think through the consequences when you pull this lever. It's not irrecoverable, but you've made some things very challenging and difficult. Don't tempt God in this way. Don't go down this pathway of destruction because there can be a point where there is no way back. All right, what about instruction? Instruction is the process of providing lessons, precepts, information that will help your child understand the world they live in. As a parent, you're dealing with young people who have large gaps in their understanding of life. They need information about themselves. They need information about what the Bible says about them, why they do what they do. They need to understand the world, the spiritual enemies that come against them. Most children, unless they're in a biblical family or they're in a biblical church, never even hear the concept of spiritual warfare that's waging against them. We need to give instructions about when you do this, you're opening the door to all kinds of spiritual attacks on your life that will overwhelm you. They need to be aware of the dangers of opening themselves to temptations that the enemy will use to destroy them. And this is where the Proverbs can be so helpful. Your child needs a framework in which to understand life. Proverbs gives instructions, for example, about the character of a fool, the slugger, the wise man, the mocker, about honesty and deceitfulness, integrity, taming the tongue, guarding the heart. All these principles are important that'll help your child develop discernment about life. And there's no reason why your child has to wait until they're in their mid-30s to figure this out. They need to learn at a young age. They need to have that in front of them always. But you've got to instruct them. Another form of communication that's helpful is warnings. You need to understand that our children's lives are surrounded by danger. You need to understand that the enemy desires to destroy them. Warnings, what warnings do is they'll put them on guard with respect to those dangers. A warning is just really a merciful way to communicate to someone. If someone were about to hurt themselves, what would the merciful thing be for you to do? to warn them. So how do warnings work? A warning is simply a statement that A leads to B. For example, laziness leads to slavery. Warning your child is not you yelling at them. It's spending time in the word, teaching them all the A to B statements. A leads to this. Another one is when you just teach that child, but you take them out with you. Remember, We were talking about this is what drunkenness leads to. And you warn them about that. Then we take them down and hand out tracts in front of the liquor store. And they see it in front of them. They see what happens, the destruction, not just to the person we talked to, but I used to take my boys to the liquor store in front of the government housing project. And they could see what destruction sin had brought upon that community. They could see it tangibly in front of them. So not only did they have the word of God saying, this is what A leads to, you could see it. But think about this. If you have a child who's had a lifetimes of warnings and applications of those warnings, they're now prepared to stand on those principles found in the word of God. Warn them about what happens when they neglect the means of grace. What happens in your own experience when you don't read the word, when you don't pray, when you don't worship God, when you ignore and Disregard the public worship. Well, your love grows cold. Your faith is not as strong. Your courage dissipates. Fear and anxiety of just mundane things take over. You don't have the ability to resist temptation anymore, do you? If you find yourself in a position where temptations are just overcoming you, go ask yourself, when was the last time you read the Word? Ask yourself, when was the last time I was before the throne of grace, praying to God? Remind them, warn them, that the means of grace are their lifeline to God. The other form of communication is teaching. Instruction and teaching kind of go together, but teaching is the process of imparting knowledge. Teaching is causing someone to know something. And so the point of teaching is that it can take place or it should before you really need it. So as a godly parent, you've got so much wisdom to impart to that child. Drawing upon knowledge of the scriptures, you can teach your child to understand himself, others, and life. He can understand God's revelation in the world in which God created things. So you've got to be active in that child's life imparting your knowledge to your children. So pause for just a second. How much time do you think you should be spending using the rod versus these other forms of discipline? And then finally, prayer. Prayer may not be you communicating with the child, but I'm talking about you praying with the child and allowing your child to pray. Prayer is communication with God, but that's an essential element of your communication with them because our most penetrating insight into our child's soul is when they pray. Understanding. That when they pray, how they pray is just a window into what's going on in their own heart. In the same manner, the parent's prayer provides instruction and insight for the child. We need to understand as parents, they hear our prayers. And this will communicate faith in God to your child as they see you dependent upon the grace and mercy of God yourself. So learn these rich forms of conversation with your children. Let me say this. I'm very thankful that I can continue to have conversations with my children. And to do all this cost me a lot. When I say cost, it meant I didn't get to go do what I wanted to do all the time. I had to just hang up certain things and set those things aside. And I'm very thankful for the time that we had and the times that we gave up not doing the fun stuff, but just spending time on it. And so by listening to them, I impart wisdom to them. And what's beautiful about this is them reciprocating now and pouring wisdom back to me. You see, my children are always gonna be my children, but now they're brothers and sisters in Christ. And that's a rich relationship that you can have. Now with that, let's look at the rod. So I wanna make sure you heard that. The reason why I wanna spend some time on this topic is that, well, there's a lot of books out there that talk about child discipline. There are a lot of theories out there, but what I want to emphasize to you this morning is just write this down. It's profound. It's going to be amazing. God does not have a theory. His word is very clear on the subject of raising children. And the question for the church today is whether we will seek infinite wisdom or will we continue to seek out the latest psychological nonsense on how children should be raised. It's interesting. Parents will go from, a book from someone like Dr. Spock who wrote 40 years ago on this topic. You know what no one ever does that reads this book? They never look at the fruit of his life. What was the fruit of Dr. Spock's life? Well, he was estranged from his family. He went almost 20 years without talking to his own son. He divorced his wife. Yeah, sounds like a winner to me. Sounds like something I should listen to about raising my children. See, I think many reasons we find raising our children difficult is because, well, I wasn't raised necessarily like this. Many of us were raised, well, ask yourself, are you older guys like me? How were you raised? I was raised by a school system, a status school system. And so it had an impact on us, but I can't tell you how many times I've heard from other grownups who are more senior than I am tell me that what you want to do, and I've heard this for all my ministry life, You really want to create an environment where the spirit of your child can run free. Now what's wrong with that? It might sound good to you, unless you're actually grounded upon the word, but what will happen when you let your child just run free? Does any of them ever run to righteousness and holiness? No, never. They always run towards evil. Why? Well, because they have a nature of sin and they need to be born again. I can't tell you how many times you meet people out there who go to churches, we're sharing the gospel, and they'll just say, Pastor, man, you don't understand that people have a certain disposition towards sin. I agree. That's why they gotta be born again. And so we don't rationalize and justify sin and create an environment where my child can just run free and do whatever they want to. Now, I hope you're putting all these pieces together. And what I don't want to do in this series of teaching on shepherding the hearts of a child, just add my voice to a series of other opinions. And you shouldn't be interested in that either. What we hope to accomplish is to understand, have a clear instruction from God's word on what to do about this vital topic. Because God is the perfect father. And as the perfect father, he knows best how children should be trained and disciplined. Remember, fatherhood is created so that we might have a picture of who God is. So what kind of picture are we as father's painting? Are you missing in action? Are you a tyrant with an uncontrollable outburst of wrath? See, if I lay that out and say, God is father, and I lay out that I'm an irrational, I cannot control my temper, that's what they'll think about him. There'll be no appetite for that. Are you dismissive? Do you refuse to train? Are you a permissive father who never disciplines? Don't underestimate the impact that that'll have on our children. Or are you a picture of love who disciplines in love to lead them back to their creator? Now, What does the Bible say and is the Bible silent about the use of the rod? Well, let's just look at some verses. Let's point them out where they are. Go to Proverbs 13. Proverbs 13, highlight it, underline it, write it down, verse 24. He who spares his rod, what? Hates his sons. But he who loves him disciplines him promptly. Now remember this because these are the principles. When we talk about the rod, I'm going to encourage you, sooner rather than later, harder rather than lightly, right? And consistent. Remember those principles, right? And these aren't Ben's ideas. This is just what the text says. You do it promptly. Look at Proverbs 19, 18. And for those, you know, it's kind of a shock to those who have been taught that, you know, after all these decades of, you know, spankings are bad. Then you read a verse like that. Actually, me withholding the rod is not a manifestation of my love for that child. It's that I hate it. We don't like to think in terms like that. But look at Proverbs 19, look at verse 18. Chasing your son while there's still hope and do not set your heart on his destruction. When I refuse to discipline my children, I'm setting my heart, whether on purposely or inadvertently, but on destruction. I'm saying I don't really care about your destiny and where you're headed. Look at Proverbs 22, look at verse 15. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. The rod of correction will drive it far from him. Isn't it interesting that God nowhere says, you know what, what you need to do is get your child at the same age with other children, let them sit around and just do a Bible study together. Because foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. What you need to do is take God's word and say, fathers, train up your children, right? That's the method. That's the way we're gonna impart wisdom. So let's say you've got a table full of 13 year old kids together. Now what happens when you have a table of fools sitting together? Well, they come up all the time, every time. It's interesting. You can shake that one up 500 times and wisdom never comes forth. But isn't that what most churches do? Let's figure out how we get our youth together. Let's just let them have it. Let's just let them segregate themselves from the rest of the body of Christ. Let them segregate themselves from the wise part of the church and see what good comes out of it. I mean, listen, kids, I was a teenager one time, despite what you think, but I know what happens at lock-ins. I know what happens when you get youth together and they're all together with their unbridled, unregenerate hearts. It's a horrible idea. Look at Proverbs 23, look at verse 13. Do not withhold correction from your child, for if you beat him with a rod, what will not happen? He will not die. You shall beat him with a rod and deliver his soul from hell. That's what it says, that's infinite wisdom. Go to Proverbs 29 15. The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. Uh-oh. And you say, look, Pastor, that's all fine and good, but that's all Old Testament. We're New Testament Christians. Well, I figured you'd say something like that. Go to Hebrews 12. Let's go to the New Testament. Because the picture of all this is found in our Heavenly Father. Yes. What is the mark of sonship according to God? It is His discipline. It is His discipline in chastising us. Notice this in verse five, and if you have forgotten the exhortation which speaks to you as sons, my son, do not despise the chastening of the Lord, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by him. For whom the Lord loves, he chastens and scourges every son whom he receives. If you endure chastening, God deals with you as sons. For what son is there whom a father does not chasten? But if you are without chastening, of which all we have become partakers, then you're illegitimate and you're not sons. Furthermore, we have had human fathers who corrected us and we pay them respect. Shall we not much more readily be in subjection to the father of the spirits and live? For they indeed for a few days chastened us as they seem best for them. But he for our profit, now notice this, why does God discipline us that we might be partakers of his holiness? Now he says, no chastisement seems to be joyful for the present, but painful. Nevertheless, afterward, it yields what? The peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who've been trained by it. Let's understand what the passage is teaching. The first thing you need to understand is that this sign of sonship. Those who say to use the rod against your child, to chastise them is cruel. You just indicted God. God's never cruel. But notice, this is God's take on the matter. When you chastise your child, it's a sign of what? that they're your child. We're told that the use of the rod will drive the children away from you. But notice that's contrary to the biblical wisdom here. God's wisdom says the rod actually teaches the child they're part of the family. Modern wisdom says just give them a hug. Now what does that produce? Insecurity. Just give them a hug. It gives them insecurity and then you are encouraging them to stay in sin. And some of you may be struggling with this. I don't really understand, Pastor, how the rod can be a useful tool in dealing with holiness and dealing with the fruit of righteousness. And to that, I would say, lean not on your own understanding. Trust in God. You know, there's just certain things I don't have to always understand to be obedient to God. But there's something about the rod and reproof that brings the heart of that child and prepares the heart of that child for the forgiveness and the grace of God. So if God says the rod is useful, then believe the rod is useful when properly applied. Think about this. What are the three forms of government that God has ordained? The civil, right? The civil realm. What's the symbol of the civil realm's authority? It's a sword. The church is a form of authority. What's the symbol of authority for the church? It's the keys, right? We have the keys to the kingdom. The family is an authoritative government under God's economy, and he gives you the rod as the symbol of your authority. When you refuse to use the rod, you're saying I'm not an authority. Remember what we said, one of the most unbiblical forms of discipline to your children is to reason with your children. Lay the rod aside, reason with your children as though they have a seat at the table. They don't. They're under your authority, under your responsibility, they're under your care. And so you're going to be chastised by our culture. But I'd rather be chastised by the culture than God. God has told me as the authority, I'm responsible to train that child up in the fear and admonition of the Lord. And part of that training is the use, the proper use of the rob. So when your child rebels, you have to determine whether you're going to trust God or follow man's wisdom. Most have chosen man's wisdom. And we see the landscape of children who have been robbed from the precious grace of Christ. When your child rebels against you, sure you can hug them. Or what you could do is bring the God-ordained instrument of chastisement to bear in their life. Think about this, and then we see this as a problem in the church. What happens to a child for 18 years of their life, experienced no discipline? Then they come into the church, whatever that looks like, and then we start talking about discipline in the church. We start talking about the discipline, it's a foreign concept. My God, wouldn't discipline? Whether you've created an idol for that child. Now you're demonstrating that you are their authority over them. And here's what they don't need. They don't need you to be their friend. Your children's friends are all too capable of encouraging them to live foolishly. What your child needs is for you to exercise your delegated authority and to see you demonstrate God ordained chastisement, which is a sign of sonship. What your child, if you're gonna teach your child to fear God and reverence God, they need to see you fearing God and reverencing God by trusting Him and obeying Him in this area of use of the rod. And so with this understanding, if you refuse to use the rod in their lives, what you're testifying to them is you don't care enough about them, you don't love God enough, you don't fear and reverence God enough to obey Him. You're testifying, I don't fear God. And so it's that lack of fear that results in all kinds of sins to take place in the home. Also, you've seen this in public. Parents tell the child, don't disobey, and the child disobeys, and then it typically escalates. And then the parent says, well, don't disobey, don't do it again. I'm gonna count to three. And here's the thing, it's easy for you and me to see it in the family in Walmart, right? But we can't see it in our own lives. We're not blessing our children by refusing to bring the rod to bear in their lives. According to this text, that refusal to chastise the child is to communicate their illegitimate. Well, I remember when I was growing up, many of my friends, their parents were divorced. It's interesting that the way that the parents would just fight over the affections of the child. They would lavish gifts, they'd do favors for my friends, but no discipline, because my friends could do whatever they wanted to. So what did that communicate to them, to the children? According to the scriptures, in communicating, you really had no parents. A lot of them are dysfunctional even to this day. What I mean by that dysfunctional, they're immature. Because a lot of my old high school buddies are still doing some of the same things they were doing 25 years, 30 years ago. How old am I? That's been longer than 35 years, I think. But when you refuse the use of the rod, you're communicating to that child that he should not depend on you to hold back his rebellion. You don't care enough about them to hold back their rebellion and sin. Our desire should be that our children turn from evil and turn to righteousness. That would be an appropriate picture of God as a father because that's what he desires. So when we think about chastisement, I want you to think about three things. Number one, effectual. When you take a child to use the rod upon them, you're not going to do this to vent out your anger and frustration. You're going to go in there for the same reason that God chastises you as a son or a daughter. You go in there to see their heart change. You go in there to see a, you want to see the peaceful fruits of righteousness produced in their life. So that, you know, I can't see that. If I'm angry, I'm frustrated, I'm venting out my anger on this child. I'm not going to see that. The use of the rod is to affect the change in such a way that you desire the foolishness to be driven, the father to be driven from. But if you're using the rod because you're angry, and I say angry, it's okay to have a righteous sense of anger due to the sin maybe they committed, but you don't want to be this out of control outrage, right? Then if you're doing that, you're sinning, and you need to deal with your sin before you go and deal with the sin of your child. I mean, think about this. How can we expect our children to exhibit self-control if we don't have self-control? Now, the question typically comes with, This issue in how hard should I use the rod? Good question. It needs to be hard enough to affect the change. When it came to intensity, I used it in such a way that they would never want to have it used on them again. Go to Proverbs 20. Proverbs 20. Look at verse 30. Does anybody have the authorized version in here? What does it say? I'm sorry. Proverbs 20 verse 30. Anybody got that? Yeah. It says exactly what you think it said. Henry. Matthew Henry says this, many need severe rebukes. Some children are so obstinate that their parents can do no harm or do no good with them without sharp correction. Some criminals must feel the rigor of the law and public justice. Gentle methods will not work upon them. They must be beaten black and blue. The wise God sees that his own children sometimes need a very sharp affliction. Severe rebukes sometimes do a great deal of good. The rod drives out even the foolishness which was bound in the heart and cleanses away the evil there. Frequently, those that most need severe rebukes can worse bear them. Such is the corruption of the nature that men are as loath to be rebuked sharply for their sins as to be beaten to their bones aching. Christians used to not have a problem with this kind of language. This is what drives the foolishness from the heart of the child. And I realize many of you haven't been exposed to this type of language. Maybe you haven't been exposed to this type of talking about the severity of the ride. But let me just say this. If you take God at his word, you ain't gonna be doing this much. Sooner rather than later, harder rather than lighter, and consistent. They need to understand And when you speak, they need to respond. Because when God speaks, we need to respond. What happens when I have a permissive mother or father that allows me to do what I want, allows me to do slow obedience, roll my eyes, murmur and complain the whole time I'm obeying them? Well, I'll take that kind of baggage in my approach to God. Look at Proverbs 22 verse 15. Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child. The rod of correction will drive it far from it. You just need to trust it. You need to trust this process works. This is a means that God uses. Let's be clear on the purpose of the rod. It's to drive folly away from the child, drive away evil. The rod will not impart knowledge or understanding. So the proper use of the rod is a great blessing to the family, but the incorrect use of the rod could be a horrible curse. Learn to use the rod biblically, bring the word of God to bear on the sin that was committed, and watch the power of God convert the soul. And then finally, consistent. When we think of discipline, I want us to think about how God disciplines us. His discipline is consistent. God chastens what? Every son, not some of them, every son gets chastised by God. And when God chastises us, it's because we have violated his unchangeable standard. The standard, aren't you glad the standard of God doesn't change? And so we need a picture of this within our home. Our children need to understand our expectations. And when those expectations are acted against, there need to be a clear understanding of the consequences. So when the standard is linked to what kind of day you're having, what kind of false view of God are you setting? Like if you have a strict standard when you're in a good mood, Or maybe you just come in and you're impatient, you're tired, you're exasperated from the chores of the day, and then you use that to create a new rule, a new standard, and now the severity of the punishment has gone up five notches. What are you communicating with that child? The standard is varying based upon you and your feelings. It can't be linked to what kind of day you have because you set a false view of God when you do that. You want to abuse your children, then have a moving standard where they never know what it takes to please you and they never know what brings your displeasure. Avoid inconsistency. Make sure that you and your wife don't have a different set of standards because this only brings in confusion and anger and bitterness. Let me give you an example. When the children were little and I was out working in a standard corporate job, And Marie was there with five little sinners all day long. And you know how little sinners can do. They can bring you to your brink of patience. And then when I would come into the home, I would have a different set of standards than she did because she's almost to the point of his aspiration with these guys. And I haven't had to deal with this all day long. And I walk in there and I'm a little bit more relaxed about the situation. So what do you think the children learn how to do with that? I didn't gain that all day long. And so one of the things that was a disservice to Marie was to have a different standard than her and not appreciating what she was dealing with all day long until they got older and could go with you. Don't have a different set of standards. Be on the same page. I mean, if I could tell you one of the things I wish I would have done differently, that would be it. We were talking to Brother Kyle this morning about this. If I could have done something different, that would have been it. And understanding the power of worldliness. in children. I wish I'd have thought more about that. We'd avoided a lot of problems, you know, just training children. If we'd have been able to cut some worldliness off and thought about what the Bible said about worldliness, I knew what it said. I just didn't appreciate the power and affection and attraction to my kids that it had. I wish I'd have cut off some of those, you know, the avenues of how worldliness would have gotten in faster. All right, consistent, that's important. Orderly, our standard needs to be orderly. This means it's not arbitrary. When you think of God's law, it's very clear that certain sins require the death penalty, certain requires retribution. Now, I'm not saying give your kid the death penalty, that's wrong. What I am saying is God's law is very orderly. If you break this law, this is the consequence. It needs to be clear, there needs to be order in your house. There should be clear expectation of what punishment will be for violations of these things. communicate the expectation. So we give a clear picture of God. The goal of discipline is that you should never, my goal was to never have to do it again. Let me just say this, if you've been derelict in this space and you start the discipline and your child's not used to it, don't become impatient. It will begin to take root. Think of your child like this. When I talk about discipline, I talk about the forms of communication. Maybe you'll see a change, but maybe there's certain little sins in their life that don't become impatient three years later, you're still dealing with anger and bitterness in the heart of a child, right? What I mean by that is if I went out there and planted a seed and went out there tomorrow and it's not full grown and full of fruit, you would say, that's a bit unrealistic to expect that. Likewise with your children. We need to be planting these seeds of God's word. We need to water it. We need to fertilize it. We need to put the nutrients there to let it grow and produce its fruit in its time. There's some pruning that has to take place. And I thought Kyle was going to steal what he told me this morning, so I'm going to give him credit for stealing it. You know, we're not planting weeds. We're planting oak trees. We are planting oak trees that will stand strong and firm in the day of adversity. And so that's how you need to think about your discipline. Let me say this. You need to be consistent, orderly, and immediate. Deal with sin and pluck that weed of sin as soon as you can. Don't delay. Don't let the problem grow bigger. Don't let it linger. Don't let it stink up the house. Sooner rather than later, harder rather than softer. Don't allow your child to control or manipulate you. What do you do if you've got an older child that's still in rebellion? Right? What I mean by that is, let's say you haven't been doing these principles and you've got an older child that's in rebellion. Well, first you've got to repent because you participated in this with them. You need to seek forgiveness because you let them go further than you intended. Next, stop sowing seeds that will produce the weeds that you don't want. So start being diligent. Start to deal with disobedience and begin to discipline them while there's time. Remember fathers, it's our household. So don't let evil run rampant within your home. Restrain evil in your home with the tools that he gave you. He gave you two tools, the word of God and the rock. Use both of them. And understand when you bring God's wisdom to bear in your home, with respect to your children, this honors God, and it will have an impact on your child when they see you honor God. It will impact them in such a way that God will respect, you know, the child will respect all biblical forms of authority. The home is the training ground for respecting authority. Now, if you refuse to teach them that your authority over them, and they will reject your authority, They're not just gonna reject your authority, but what they'll do is they'll take from your home the rejection of all God-ordained authority. And then society or the church, they're the people that have to deal with what you didn't deal with. So if that describes you, go to God and seek his forgiveness and start seeking out his will, seeking his wisdom. You want to start training your child, start with you. Let your child see you humble yourself before God and begin and start bringing this these things we've been talking about over the last four weeks to bear. All right, let me bring this to a close this morning. We got a lot to do today. I hope you leave here understanding that God is giving you instructions on how to train your child. He didn't just say, train your child, now go figure it out. He gave you a blueprint. He told you how to do it. He's given us a testimony on how to train them. He's given us the rod and the word. Make sure you use them appropriately. Purpose to start having rich communication with your children, where you're instructing, teaching, warning, encouraging them with the word. So when should you do it? The Deuteronomy tells you. When you rise up, when you lie down, when you sit down, when you're walking in the way. In other words, all the time, all the time. Well, we've seen the weeds that unbiblical methods have produced. We have seen that the enemy has come and it's a problem with every denomination. You go and look at every denomination, they're all having the same problem. They're losing their children. Why? It's not because of their doctrinal standards that are necessarily the issue. It is the issue that they didn't trust God in this area to train up their children. And really take him at his word that if I put these principles into place, I'll have the heart of my children. Isn't that beautiful what Malachi says and Luke opens up? Malachi ends with, you'll have the hearts of your children. Luke opens up with Christ coming upon the scenes and returning the hearts of the children to their fathers. And here's the thing, God's in the business of breaking curses. Isn't it wonderful, isn't it beautiful how God breaks the curses, generational curses? Watch how he blesses for thousands of generations. That's what we're looking for, his blessings upon our families. If you're here this morning, you're overwhelmed with the reality that God has given you a soul, a child to care for. Don't leave here with a sense of exasperation. Let that drive you to Christ. Let that drive you to him to seek his strength, his wisdom, and his grace. Listen, if you think you can leave here today and just take these instructions and apply them without Christ, your work is in vain. You must be dependent upon him. So stay close to the throne of grace, seeking his strength, seeking his wisdom for the God-given task that he gave you to do. And as we sit here this morning, as you hear the sweet sound of these children in this place, let us be diligent to pray for them by name. Let us lift these children up by name to God. Let us lift these parents up by name to God to train them in the fear and admonition of God. Oh, they're precious. Bible over and over again. We see this in the Gospels. Jesus says, bring the children to me. Let's bring our kids to Christ. Watch him change them from the inside out. It's a beautiful thing when you see that happen. It's a might, the power of God to take a simple rebellious heart and make it a heart of flesh. What is a heart of flesh? A heart of flesh is a heart that responds to the things of God. That's what we want for our children. So we wanna prepare the hearts of our children. So when the seeds of the gospel comes there, it's got good ground. And when it produces fruit, 30, 60, 100 times, that's what we want for our children. So let's plead upon the grace of God this morning to save our children. Father, we thank you this morning for your word. Your word is a light, it's a lamp to our feet. Let us follow it. Lord, give us repentance. Grant us repentance this morning if we've been negligent in these areas. Let us bring our homes under order, into order, under your dominion, as we bring our children to you. Lord, help each and every parent here, each and every grandparent here, instruct and guide their children in the ways that you've prescribed. Thank you for your word that we don't have to wander around in darkness, but it is the light that helps us, guides us, directs us, so we may know how to train these children according to Christ. Lord, we pray that you would bring salvation into these homes. We pray that the enemy would not steal our children from you, that they would have no appetites for the temptations that Satan lay out there for them, but they would love Christ with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. Let us continue to use this day to exalt the name of Christ. May his beauty and splendor resonate before us. Lord, may they just desire to be in his presence and love him. And it's in Christ's name we pray, amen.