Ecclesiastes chapter number four. That's going to be our jumping off place tonight, Ecclesiastes chapter four. We've been preaching a series of messages on strengthening the bonds of marriage. And I'm going to finish up the message began last Sunday night and then going to come back and preach two more messages. I'm going to preach one on Tonight we're talking about when the rope frays, and then I'm going to preach one on strengthening the bonds of marriage, and of course that's going to be dealing with the felt needs of both husbands and wives, and so we're going to talk about that probably in the couple weeks ahead. Ecclesiastes 4, and find, if you would please, verse 9, and then we're going to move to another section of Scripture. Ecclesiastes 4, verse 9. Notice the Bible says two are better than one. Here the Bible talks about the power of partnership. I believe there's no greater partnership, earthly speaking, than the partnership between a husband and a wife. And I believe the Bible says that two are better than one. I'm glad God put that in the Bible. I sure did get tired of being alone and was glad when God gave me a wife. Amen? The Bible says that he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favor of the Lord. And so, fellas, just to remind you, if you have a wife sitting beside you, you have a good thing. Amen? And ladies, you can remind him of that as you go out of the service tonight, okay? You have found a good thing and obtained favor of the Lord. So two are better than one. And then down in verse number 12, the Bible says that if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him. and a three-fold cord is not quickly or easily broken. And many times we've talked about how the three-fold cord is the strongest rope, and whether it be made of hemp or whether it be made of twine or whether it be made of some other type of material, different kinds of rope that makes up that rope. But remember, when it comes to a three-fold cord, it's a braided cord, and it's where two different strands are braided or wrapped around an invisible strand that runs through it. And it's that invisible strand that gives the rope, the cord, its strength, its stability. And can I tell you, it's your relationship with God through His Son Jesus Christ, that I believe gives marriage its strength. Amen? I believe marriage is a partnership, a man and a woman and God. And I believe Christ needs to be the center of life's relationships, whether it be that of a marriage, whether it be a family, whether it be a church, Christ ought to be the center of life's relationships. And so we're talking about tying the knot, and how important it is. We talk about this thing called marriage, and we use the phrase of somebody tying the knot, and we'll say, boy, they went and tied the knot. And we use that imagery. But we've learned that there's times that the rope frays. See, every marriage has its moments. Even marriages, somebody said, made in heaven, need down-to-earth maintenance work. And so, listen, good marriages don't just happen, they're built, they're made. It takes work, it takes effort, it takes energy. And just to remind you that no relationship is ever static. It's never to stand still. It's either going forward or going backward. And listen, if you're coasting, you're always going downhill in life's relationships. And so it's important that we don't let our marriages coast and our families coast. but we put energy into them. But you know the rope phrase, and so turn to the book of James if you would, and it's there we're going to learn some principles from the Word of God on what to do when the rope phrase, when we have those moments, when there's strife, when there's contention, when there's conflict within the relationship, whether it be a spat, or whether it be a long, drawn-out conflict in relationships. And notice if you would, in James chapter number 4, and let's begin reading if we could in verse number 1. Notice he said, From whence come wars and fighting among you? Come they not hence, even of your lusts, your desires, that war in your members? You lust, you desire and have not, you kill and desire to have and cannot obtain. You fight and war, yet you have not, because you ask not. You ask and receive not, because you ask amiss, that you may consume it upon your lusts or desires, you adulterers and adulteresses. Know you not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? Whosoever therefore be a friend of the world is the enemy of God." God said that the world, this world system, is diametrically opposed to God. Listen, that's why the Bible said, blessed is the man, the woman that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly. Hey, you're not going to get wise counsel for life's relationships in the break room. You're not going to find it amongst those that do not know God, among the unsaved or carnal Christians. You're not going to get answers for your marriage out of good housekeeping and Oprah Winfrey's show and Dr. Oz and Dr. Phil and all these different things. Listen, we don't need the counsel of the ungodly. We need the directions, the manual from God's Word. Amen? who's the designer and architect of it. And listen, God said when we align ourselves with the world, it places us in opposition to God. Verse 5, Do you think that the Scripture saith in vain, The Spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth or desireth to envy? But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Draw nigh to God and He will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be afflicted and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to heaviness. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord and He shall lift Now, James is writing to a church that was filled with conflict. Now, the good thing about the Bible is that God gives us general principles that can be applied to specific areas of our life. And so, when God gives us truth about settling conflicts and interpersonal relationships, can I tell you those principles work whether it be at the workplace, whether it be at the church house, or down at your house? Amen? And we need to take God's principles for interpersonal relationships and apply them specifically to life situations. Notice, first of all, we learn the source of conflict. And we learn that the conflict with others, notice what he says in verse number 1. He says, from whence come wars and fighting among you. The you there is plural. It had to do with, apparently, the churches to whom James was writing have become virtual battlegrounds. And you know what? There's marriages, and maybe some even in the building tonight. Your relationship, your family, your home has become a virtual battleground. I mean, you can't speak peaceably to one another. There's tension, there's fighting, there's interpersonal conflict. Notice he said, from whence come wars and fighting among you. That phrase, wars and fighting, is more than just a little spat. That word war means a campaign or a series of battles. He's talking about a deep-rooted bitterness, a long-lasting hostility that at times erupts into explosive outbursts. And listen, hey, that has to do in any area. But I'll tell you, it's really true when it comes to marriage. You know, every marriage has its moments, and yet maybe some that are even battlegrounds. And you know what? Listen, there's husbands and wives that are maybe experiencing more than a little spat, more than a little disagreement. There's ongoing hostility. There's deep-rooted bitterness. There's inward seething. There's explosive outbursts. There's families where children are at war with their parents. They're hostile. They can't speak peaceably to mom and dad, get along with each other. Hey, there is conflict that goes on with others in interpersonal relationships. Let me show you where it comes from. I am wrong with others outwardly because I am wrong with myself inwardly. Look again, if you would please, verse number 1. He says, from whence come wars and fighting among you, plural. Now you apply it specifically. Whether it be a workplace, whether it be the church house, your house, your marriage, your relationship. Where are these fighting coming from? Notice what he says. Come they not hence. even of your lust, your desires that were in your members. Now remember I told you last week, anytime you see that word lust in the Bible, if you're not careful, you will attach sensuality to it. That's not always the case. The word lust, used here by James, is a very generic word. It has to do with any desire that's not in keeping with God's desires for you. It's a selfish desire. It's an inward desire. It's what I want. And you know what? We get embroiled in conflicts with others because we're in conflict with ourselves. Notice he said that war in your members. He's talking about your own heart. And you know what? People have wrong desires and wrong actions and even wrong praying and wrong motives. Why? Because they have desires in their heart that are selfish and self-centered and they're at war with others because in reality they're at war with themselves. But now watch this. We're at war outwardly because we're at war inwardly because ultimately we're at war upwardly. Notice again, if you would please, in verse number 2. You lust and have not, you kill and desire to have and cannot obtain. Now that word kill means to commit murder. Now that doesn't necessarily mean in this verse that everybody in that church was killing everybody. It doesn't mean that in a marriage. But you and I know that marriages can erupt in domestic violence. Don't we? That things can escalate to the point that it can get physical in people's lives because we get so selfish and so self-centered and we want it our way and we become so violent that many times it can break out in ways it shouldn't. You fight and war, but watch this, yet you have not because you ask not. Notice verse number 4, "...ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that friendship of the world is enmity with God? Whosoever therefore be a friend of the world is the enemy of God." And notice, listen, you can't be wrong with God upwardly or vertically and right inwardly and with others outwardly. Listen, when he talks about adulterers and adulteresses, he's talking about worldliness. as the sin of adultery. He's talking about an unfaithfulness to God, of desiring what we want rather than what God wants, and many times outward conflict is a result of the inward conflict. We're conflicted in ourselves because ultimately we're upset with God. We're mad with God. We're angry with God because God isn't giving us what we want, or it's not coming our way, or we're not getting what we please, and so we're at war with God. Listen, may I remind you that God said, hey, we're not to be at war with Him, we're to be submissive to Him. Amen? And so when you're wrong with God, you're going to be wrong with yourself, and listen, that gets you so out of sorts, you get wrong with everybody else around you. Trouble, turmoil, tragedy in life's relationships that divides churches, distances marriages, it dissolves families and friendships. And you know what James is saying? Hey, he's saying, listen, we need to learn the source of conflicts, that number two, we might understand the settling of conflicts. How do we settle those conflicts? Notice, if you would, verse number five. He said, do you think that the scripture saith in vain, the spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy. Now you know what, there are several different ideas in this verse. Some believe that the word spirit in verse number 5 talks about our human spirit, our self, and that it's envious and jealous. But yet there's another view here of verse number 5 that I hold to. I believe the word spirit here is not referring necessarily to our human spirit, but the Spirit of God at work in our spirit that dwells in us. And that word lust is not used in a negative sense, but a positive sense. Who desirous, who lusts at the envy, what he's saying is he's desirously jealous of us. Do you realize that our God is a jealous God? He is. God's a jealous God. In the sense that God wants our love, and He wants our devotion, and our worship, and He's worthy of all of that. And God said, I'm not going to share that with anybody else. That belongs to Me. You know where the battle comes from? It's when we start trying to take the worship and the devotion and the adoration and the love that belongs to God and place it somewhere else. You know what they call that? The sin of idolatry. That's what it is. You say, oh preacher, I don't have a Buddha in my house or some kind of image that I bow down. I understand that. But you know what? We can make idols out of all kinds of things. Anything that calls our devotion for God is an idol. It can be a relationship. It can be a hobby. It can be a pleasure. It can be a possession. It can be a job. It can be an ambition. But anything that I desire and love and that I give my energy and efforts to more than I do, God can become an idol in my life. He can. And so he's saying that God is jealous over us. The spirit here is not my human spirit, but God's Holy Spirit that resides in the heart of every child of God. And God is jealous over the well-being of your life. Do you realize that God is jealous in the sense that He wants what's best for you? He's jealous for your love, your fellowship, the control of your life. He wants what's best for you, your marriage, your family, this church. Exodus 20 verse 5, the Bible says, The Lord thy God is a jealous God. And listen, if you're going to settle the conflicts in your life, it's got to start by first of all settling the conflict in your heart between you and God. There needs to be settling who's in charge of your life. and in charge of your relationships, and in charge of your marriage, who is in charge? And that's where the battle is, because we want to be in charge, and God said, no, wait a minute, we're not going to have it that way. I'm the one who's going to be in charge. So you know what you're going to have to do, letter A? You're going to have to learn to relinquish your rights. Relinquish your rights. Here's what I hear all the time. Well, I have my rights. Do you realize that you gave up your rights the day God saved you? You did. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians 6 verses 19 and 20, the Bible says what? What? You see, there was all kinds of turmoil and strife and jealousy and immorality in the church at Corinth. They were involved in all kinds of different things and there were problems. And you realize if the early church and early Christians hadn't had problems, we wouldn't have the majority of the New Testament. because God was addressing problems in their lives that, guess what? Two thousand years later, you and I struggle with in our own lives. And he says, what? What? Know you not? Know you not that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, the Holy Ghost, which dwelleth in you, and ye are not your own? You don't belong to you. You're bought with a price. Therefore, glorify God in your body. That's my outward self. And in your spirit, that's my inward self, which are God's. I don't have a right to do with my body what I want to. It's not my body. I don't have a right to do with my spirit what I want to. It's not my spirit. And you know what? When we get out of sorts in our lives spiritually, it's when we're trying to take back what belongs, to take back control of what belongs to God. And God said, you want to settle the conflicts? You want to get, you want to settle, you want to have peace in your heart? Then you're going to have to realize and relinquish your rights and surrender yourself to me because we no longer belong to ourselves. We don't have the right to call the shots. We've been bought and paid for by the precious blood of Jesus Christ. We belong to Him. And it's no longer a matter of my rights, but His rights. It's no longer a matter of my desires, it's His desires. It's no longer a matter of my way, but now it's His way. That's what God's saying. And there needs to be a relinquishing of our rights, because if we never give God His rightful place in our lives, then we'll never do marriage God's way. We're going to do it our way. Because we're afraid if we do it God's way, we're going to lose. And I just can't lose. I just, preacher, I can't stand to let her win. Preacher, I'm not about to let him win. But the reality is you're both losing. And your children are losing in the process. Because you're trying to have it your way. And God said, you don't understand. My way's best. It's best. But in our humanness, we struggle seeing that. Don't we? And so, number one, I've got to relinquish my rights. Letter B, watch this. I need to respond with humility. Notice what he says in verse number 6. But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. Look down at verse number 10. Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He shall lift you up. Do you realize that pride is the source of conflicts? The Bible says in Proverbs 13, 10, only by pride cometh contention. Do you know all strife is rooted in pride? self and what I want and what pleases me and what makes me happy? Do you realize that the majority of marital conflict is over unmet felt needs and we're upset or we're mad because you're not meeting my needs and you're not serving me? When God didn't create us as Christians and He didn't design marriage for me to be served. No, He designed marriage for me to serve. Marriage is a ministry. Do you know your first ministry is at home? Because if it's not right, it's not going to be right anywhere else. As a pastor, my first ministry is at home. It is. Now, I'm not always what I ought to be. There's times I fail. You know what? And God lets me know, especially when I get ready to study to preach to you. Kids always know when it gets marriage time, I'm washing the dishes. Vacuum. I've got to practice what I preach. I'm kidding. But the reality of it is that marriage is a ministry. It's where I'm to be ministering to my mate. My mate is to be ministering. It's not about what makes me happy. It's about what makes my mate happy. Am I making them happy? Am I serving them? Do you know we're the happiest when we're serving others? rather than ourselves. Jesus himself said, I came not to be served but to serve. Let me ask you a question. Are you ministering to your mate? Do you see your marriage and your relationship as a ministry where you serve God by serving the needs of your mate and your family and doing things God's way? See, number one, I've got to relinquish my rights because right off the bat, wait a minute, I want it my way. Serve me. Serve me. Make me happy. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. And guess what? When you've got two people with me-itis, you're having conflict. The Bible says a proud heart stirreth up strife. It's amazing how that person can go all day long and they can't wait for their mate to get home because they're spoiling for a fight. Sure. Can't wait till that husband gets home because you're going to let him have it. You can't wait until you get home because you've been thinking about this thing all day. You've got it all worked out. You're right. You know you're right. You've got your three points and a point. You preach your sermon. You give your invitation. The problem is they don't come down the aisle. Because they've got their three points and a point. Do you realize if pride is the source of conflicts, then humility leads to the settling of conflicts. Notice what the Bible says, God, in verse number six, resisteth the proud. Do you know what he's saying? That God is actually against you when you're proud. He's opposed to you. That's why there's conflict, why you're conflicted in the heart. That's why we have struggles inwardly. It's because we're opposing God and God said, listen, when you're lifted up with pride, I'm opposing you. But notice he says, but he giveth grace to the humble. A person who gives in to God and lets God have his way in their life, God said, I'm going to give you grace. Well preacher, how do I humble myself? Well, by submitting myself to God. Notice verse 7. Submit yourselves therefore to God. That word submit is a military term. It means to rank under. It means to get in my proper place. It means to willingly submit to God's control in my life and to yield myself to the function and the order that He's placed in life. And I want you to turn with me. Hold your place. We're going to go to Ephesians chapter 5 for just a moment. Would you turn there? Now, as we go there, I want to talk to you very quickly about the principle of submission. There was a centurion that came to Jesus and he wanted the Lord to heal his servant who was sick of the palsy. And he makes a statement in both Matthew 8 and Luke 7, and he says, I too am a man under authority. And I say to this soldier, go, and he goeth. And I say to that soldier, do this, and he does it. You know what he's saying? And I'm submitting myself. I'm a man of authority. But I want you to know, Lord, I'm not commanding you. I'm not asserting an authority over you. I'm submitting myself to you." Now, he makes a statement. He said, I am a man under authority, and I say to this one, so now he's exerting authority. He's a centurion. He's got a hundred soldiers under him. He said, I go to this one, and I say, go do this, and he does it. And I say to this one, go do that, and he does it. And there's a principle here. You say, preacher, what is it? You have to be willing to be under authority in order to learn how to have authority. You see, if you're not willing to be under authority, then you're not going to know how to handle authority. If you don't first of all learn how to submit, then what's going to happen is you're not going to be able to handle those that should be submitted to you. All right? Now, let me give you an illustration, okay? Parents who resist and oppose the authorities that God's placed in their life, whether it be governmental authorities, whether it be police officers and school teachers and principals. And we make a lot of that authority. We oppose that authority. We resist that authority. Guess what we just taught our children? You don't have to listen to authority. And then we wonder why they don't listen to us. Because if we don't respect authority, why should they respect authority? You follow where I'm coming from? One of the things we always tried to teach our children was to respect authority. Therefore, guess what Dad had to do? Respect authority. Sure did. Matter of fact, I've never been the one to make light of or cast off on police officers, sheriff's deputies, highway patrolmen. I don't call them names. I don't use slang terminology, never have, to refer to them. I've never belittled their place. And you say, Preacher, why? Because I wanted my children to respect their authority. But if I didn't respect their authority, then guess what? My children's not gonna respect their authority. Never forget when some young men in our neighborhood, in our neighborhood, in our community, decide to take joy rides with our church buses. Y'all remember that? And some of you are saying, well, I don't remember that, because you weren't here at the time, evidently. But they, we used to keep the keys, because nobody, we live in King. King, if you wanna say it properly. And we would put the keys in the ashtray. Isn't that right, bus drivers? That way when you got out there whenever you needed or if school, whatever, the keys would be there. Now we have to lock them up because some boys got on our buses playing around and found the keys. And they thought they would joyride through town and they wrecked our buses. Literally. I'll never forget when I had to go to court and here was a 14-year-old boy bowed up at a judge, smarting off at that judge, making light of that judge, And there was the family, and I looked at them, and you know what? They had been making fun of the judge, and they had been smarting off at the judge. And that boy wound up going to jail, and that boy is dead today from a drug overdose. Because mom and dad never taught that boy to submit to and respect authority. He became his own god, and he killed himself. Now, I know that's probably a very extreme case. But I can promise you, if you go home and you have preacher for lunch, and you run down the deacons, and you fuss about the Christian school teachers or the public school teachers or whatever authorities in your life, then I can promise you, you're struggling with your own children. Because if you tear down the authorities in their life, they're not going to respect your authority over their life. Because if you don't respect authority, why should they respect authority? They're just doing what they've seen. Now let me drive it a little closer home. All right? Mom, if you're not willing to submit to Dad's leadership, then why should your kids submit to your leadership? Just ask a question. If dad's going to be run down and made fun of and made light of, and isn't it amazing how in our society today, it's amazing you don't even need a dad. Now, I want you to understand something. What I'm saying makes no reflection at all upon single mothers in our church that do not desire to be single mothers. It's not a position and a station in life you desire nor necessarily ask for. And I'm glad that God cares for the fatherless, aren't you? But we're living in a day when the paternal aspect of the relationship is mocked and made light of in our society. And what it is is a reversal of roles that goes all the way back to Genesis 3. When Eve took the lead role, ate of the fruit, Adam took the submissive role, she gave to him and did eat, and it plunged the human race into sin. I'm not talking about the subjugation of women. That's a whole different message because it has nothing to do with that. Can I tell you that in the eyes of the Lord Jesus Christ and your relationship with Him, men, women, bond-free, rich, poor, everybody's on equal footing at the cross. Amen? But for functionality, God said, within the home, God said, I have vested the leadership of the home in that husband. Now men, that doesn't mean that you're to be the dictator and the tyrant of your home and you're in there barking orders and everybody's to jump at your commands. That's not what that means at all. But let me go back to this statement here. If all that is is just a means to pay the bills, But we don't listen to him, and we make light of him, and we joke about him. Then I can promise you, you have struggles in your home with your children. And Dad, sometimes the wife has to step to the plate because we have abdicated the role to the wife because we've not been willing to take the lead. Too busy playing to lead the family. I'll never forget, a guy was telling me, I was counseling a couple, they're not in our church right now, they don't go here, probably nobody here even realizes or knows who they are. But I'll never forget, I was counseling with them and one of the problems that led to the breakdown of their marriage is every day these new games come out on these, I don't know what you call them, Nintendos or whatever you call those things. And this new war game come out where you can get on the line and play with everybody around the world, you play this little war game. And he'd come home from work, and he would cut that game on, and he would play until 2 or 3 o'clock in the morning every day of the week. They would deliver the food to Dad while Dad's playing his game. It's no wonder the wife got tired. I'm not saying it's wrong to play a game. I'm just saying that Paul said, and I'm probably getting a little rough, but the reality of it is, young men and fellows, Paul said, when I became a man, I put away childish things. There just comes a time where you put the toys away and you become a man and you lead your family. And you say, Preacher, I don't like that. I'm sorry, I'm just preaching. I'm just telling us the truth tonight. You know? And I believe one of the reasons why you're seeing a breakdown of the male role, of the masculine role model in America today is because we've abdicated that. We've given it up so we can play our games and let the wife have to do all the work and lead the family. God didn't design it that way. And we've got a masculinity crisis in our nation today because men just don't want to be men. And ladies, while I'm on the subject, please, while you're painting your toenails, don't paint your son's toenails. Please. Let him be a man. Let him grow up and be a man. Please do that. I mean, we've got enough problems without us adding to it. We might think it's harmless. My wife and I was on a little vacation together. I saw a guy walking. I thought for a moment it was a woman. I couldn't believe it. I was walking through and I had my head down because I was watching where I was going and I seen these flip-flops walk by with green toenails and I looked up and it was a man! I'm like, what are you doing? I wanted to go over there and say, what are you doing? Be a man! Fellas, don't Let society feminize you. But masculinity doesn't mean meanness. And I believe some of what's happened is because of the meanness in men that's been attached to masculinity. And there's nothing manly about slapping a woman around. Not a thing. You say, preacher, I'm mad. Well, Brother Vernal will meet you out back at the end of the service. I'm trying to help us tonight. I'm not trying to be unkind. I'm not trying to be cruel. But look at Ephesians chapter number 5. Ladies, you are infinitely superior to a man at being a lady. A man is infinitely superior to a woman at being a man. God didn't make us to be competers. He made us to complement one another, to be companions. to share life together. And God wants us to fulfill our roles. Notice what he says. First of all, there's a submitting to one another. Look at verse number 21. Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Do you know there's times that there's some mutual submission to my wife that takes place? I'm not abdicating my role as the leader in my home when I submit to my wife at times. There's times that I need to say, you know what, honey, in this area you're right. Okay? Now, one of the things my wife, she does not have the adventurous spirit that I do. Okay? I always like to see what's around the next bend or over the next hill. I mean, I know that I'm in the general vicinity of North Carolina, so I'm not worried about being lost. Matter of fact, I've got this great sense of direction. Eventually, I'll find my way home like a horse or a dog. How many of you can agree with me there? Okay? She's just now started letting me have a GPS. She wanted to do it the old map way, or map it out. And by the way, you can ask our secretary, she only trusts one map site, okay? Only one. The others, one of them led her astray one time, and she will not, she doesn't want anything to do with Yahoo Maps. Not a thing. Is it Yahoo? Okay, yes. So I submit to her, I don't use Yahoo Maps. It's not worth the, it's not that we fight over it, but it's just not worth her being upset. You know, it makes her out of sorts. You don't like to be lost, okay? So we're riding along, and if I miss something, I say, well, I'll turn around up here. Well, I might go three miles before I decide to turn around. How many of you men are like that? I mean, there's just things I want to see and stuff like that, you know? You can turn around over there. You missed a spot over there. There's a parking lot up there. I'm like, yeah, but look at the sights! Look at the scenery! Lay back and enjoy the ride! We're not enjoying the ride. Okay? She won't let me have a GPS because she said, you're not going to have two women telling you what to do as the navigator. So we're riding along, and you know what? Listen, I know that there are certain things that my wife, there's things in her, and it's okay. There's certain things that I know after being married to us 25 years that I know that I don't want to upset her or make her out of sorts about something. So you know what? I always make sure I've got MapQuest or Google Maps. Okay, and she prefers the MapQuest kind, I think. So she's got that along with my GPS, so she can watch it as we go. Huh? With the atlas. So she's got three of them when we're traveling together, okay? All right? Because she's afraid of being lost somewhere in America. Okay? But you know what? I want to have a great vacation. So you know what? I print off two or three maps, set the GPS, and give her a new atlas. Let her map it out and go. And she knows where we're going ahead of time. She said, right up here is the exit. Thank you, honey. We're just riding along. We're all happy. Did I cease to be the man? Absolutely not. I didn't. But you know what? I know that it makes her happy. It settles her heart. You see, every one of us men, our wives have hurts. They have fears. They have needs. They have things they care about. And it's not relinquishing my role to know that there's things in my wife's life that she cares about, that where God said, know your, I'm gonna talk and preach on this, by the way, dwell with her according to knowledge. Know your wife, know what makes her tick. And it's not wrong to meet those needs, to settle those, calm those fears. What it does is it brings harmony into the relationship. My wife knows there's certain things that I enjoy doing, or she knows me probably better than I know myself, to be honest with you. And because she doesn't get to preach, she doesn't get to tell you what they are. The joy of being a preacher. But she, at those times, meets those needs. And that's why you've got to communicate. That's why you've got to know each other. Because as you know each other, you can learn to meet those needs. And there's a mutual submission. Listen, I'm the principal breadwinner in our home. If I wanted to go and buy something, can I go and buy it? Sure, I can. But I don't ever buy anything of consequence that I don't talk to her first. Because we're one. We're a partnership. She may see something from a perspective that I don't see. I want her perspective. I want her view. I want what she has to say about these things. We discuss them. We look on the internet together and read reviews together. We talk about it. Because why? We're a partnership. Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of the Lord. And then he says, verse 22, Wives, submit yourselves unto your owner. It doesn't say that a woman is to submit to every man, but submit yourselves unto your own husband. That word, own, it has the idea of one's own, and it has the idea of ownership as unto the Lord. And it's actually not a submission to a man, it's submission to the Lord. It's saying, God, for the function of my home, I'm willing to allow my husband to be the leader of mom, because you're going to hold him more accountable for the direction of my home than you do me. And for the function of my home, I'm willing to allow my husband, and I'm going to submit to the roles that you've set. Lord, I'm submitting to you as I submit to my husband to let him have the final say in our relationship. But then notice verse 25, husbands love your wives. that even as Christ also loved the church, you know no woman will have trouble submitting to a husband that wants to honor the Lord and please Him, submitting to a husband that loves her the way Jesus loves him. Because Jesus doesn't put us down. He doesn't call us names. He doesn't seek to make our lives miserable, does He? No. And neither should we them. Notice chapter 6 verse 1, just because I didn't want to leave teenagers out of the service, not children. Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, which is the first commandment. See, we're talking about settling conflicts in the home. There's a relinquishing of my rights and submitting myself to the authority of my parents, even though I may not always agree or understand. If I'm going to be right with God, then I have to be right with my parents. Because if I'm not right with my parents, you're not right with God. Don't pretend to be a spiritual young person and you're fighting with your mom and dad all the time and calling them names. Mystery. Because you're not a spiritual young person. Now, in all of these situations, we're ultimately not giving in to others, we're giving in to God. We're letting Him have His way. And God says that when you do, He said, I'm going to give you the grace to do it. And I'm back in James chapter 4 and verse 6. But He giveth more grace. Do you see that? He giveth more grace. God resisteth the proud, but He giveth grace unto the humble. That word grace is the power to change. The power to be and do what God would have us to be and do. But preacher, you don't know what that means. Preacher, if I let him lead, he'll ruin us. God said, I'll give you grace. You trust me. You lean on me. You look to me. And you're going to say, preacher, I'm going to need a whole lot of grace. He says, he giveth more grace. You know what that means? It's a continual supply. His grace gives us the ability to forgive, the ability to get right with each other. He gives us the ability to go on in life's relationships. Let me ask you a question. When's it your turn to say, I'm sorry? Can I tell you this? It's always your turn. Always. Don't be... I'll never forget one time I was doing an exercise in church and I'm going to finish it out now. I was teaching people. We was doing conflict resolution in my church in Lenore. I never do this anymore. And I said to the couples, I said, now you husbands and wives, why don't you turn to each other and I want you to say, I am sorry, please forgive me. So everybody turned, please forgive me. There was one man, he looked straight ahead. He wasn't about to look to his wife and say, I'm sorry, please forgive me. Within two years, their marriage was blown up. He was with another man, she was with another woman, their daughter a disaster. It's always your turn. You know what the picture of the Bible is? Two people running into each other trying to get right with each other. You know? He's in one room, you're in the other, and you hit each other in the hallway, I'm sorry. Why in the world do you want to go to bed mad? Bed's cold. Iceberg laying in the middle. You're trying to hang off the sides because you don't want to touch each other. That's misery. It's a whole lot easier just to go ahead and say, I'm sorry. Please forgive me and get it right. Number one, relinquish your rights. Number two, respond with humility. Number three, resist the devil. Notice what he says. Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. That word resist means to stand against. His attempt to pit church members against church members, people against pastor, husbands against wives, wives against husbands, children against parents. When I fail to settle the conflicts, and diffuse the situation and end the strife and arguments, we're actually giving place to the devil. We're giving him opportunity to work his destructive devices in our lives, our marriage, our families, our churches. Ephesians 4 in the Bible says, Be angry and sin not. Let not the sun go down upon your wrath, neither give place to the devil." God said, do not give him opportunity to work his destructive devices into your marriage, your relationships, your family. No, there ought to be a solid wall. Mom, Dad, and kids, we're resisting you and what you want to do in our lives. We're going to submit to God and what He wants for our lives. Don't give place to Him. Resist Him. We give place to Him when we have to have it our way to the point that the house is just about divided up. You know, there's almost like a line going down through the house, and this is your part, and that's my part, and neither do the twain meet. And Satan's driving us apart, and driving us apart, and cooling the relationship so that there comes a point we look at each other and say, I don't know you anymore, and I don't love you, and my filth didn't start out that way. I'm yet to meet a couple that I've counseled, that when I ask them this question, was there ever a time in your relationship that you were happy, that they would come back and say, yes, there was. Was there ever a time in your relationship you loved each other? Yes, there was. The problem was, instead of cultivating what you had here, You allowed things to drive you apart so that now you're separated and you're divided and you're full of strife and tension and it's having marital breakdown over here. Notice James chapter 3 verse 18 and I'm done. Here's what happens when we resist the devil and submit ourselves to God. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace. God said the fruit of righteousness, the joy, the peace, all of this is sown in peace of them that make peace. God said we're to be making peace, not taking it. The Bible says, seek peace and ensue it. That means pursue it. Because see, our flesh, our sinful nature, our selfishness leads to strife. And we have to pursue peace. Nobody has to pursue strife. It comes on its own. We don't have to work at disagreements. Let me see if we can't find something to disagree about. I never found that to happen. There's plenty of things to disagree about. Plenty of things to cross strife and discontent. That's the easy part. It's pursuing the peace that's the hard part, isn't it? Conflicts need to be settled. Hostilities need to be ended. Peace needs to be made between husbands and wives, children and parents, because God Resist the proud, but he gives grace to the humble. Let's bow our heads in prayer.