Amen, and amen. Coming this evening to Ephesians chapter six. I don't think we're gonna have the PowerPoint tonight. Nope, no, okay, that's fine. Yeah, we don't really need it for this evening anyway, but we're coming to Ephesians chapter six, and we're gonna read some verses and look at some verses that we may think are not particularly applicable to us. because they deal with children. It's good to see a couple of children and young people in the meeting tonight. But these are things that have been written for us, and they're things that we can take away and we can teach to our family. So it's important that we look at them together anyway. So let's come to Ephesians chapter six, and we want to read from verse number one. And Paul writes, Obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment, with promise that it may be well with thee, and that thou mayest live long on the earth. And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of God. the lord and we'll finish there at verse number four. A man by the name of Norman Corwin wrote in an article for Reader's Digest entitled, The Perfect Home, these words. He said, one child makes a home, a course in liberal education for both himself and parents. Two children make it a private school Three or more make it a campus, but many parents today are not sure that they are up to being professors in this university. And even then, they are unsure of what should be offered in the curriculum. Thankfully, the Apostle Paul steps in to help us to put together this rather daunting curriculum. While his counsel will not enable us to build a perfect home, it will enable us to build a holy home. That's what we're going to think about this evening. We're going to consider what it means to have a holy home. Though there's a chapter break here as we come into chapter number six, Paul is continuing on with the subject of spirit-filled relationships. We looked in chapter five, how that chapter closes with Paul giving us some principles for maintaining a spiritual marriage. But we move on from marriage to the family. When two become three, or two become four, or anything after that, for me, is just madness. But anyway, that's another subject. But when we move from a marriage to a family, and if we think that a spiritual marriage is hard to maintain in today's society, maintaining a godly home, having a holy home, is even harder. But thankfully, God has, again, not left us without But as a little side point here, as we come into chapter 6, I think there's something really refreshing here about this chapter and about this particular part of the book of Ephesians. Isn't it lovely to see that Paul has a word for the whole family? Paul here, as we think about the first part of the book and all the deep things of God, and then he talks about Jews and Gentiles, and he talks about leaders in the church, and then he talks about husbands, and he talks about wives, but that's not where Paul leaves it. There's a wonderful truth here. There's a wonderful picture. As we come into chapter 6, as he opens with this word, children, that Paul has a word for the whole family. He's an all-round preacher. You know, can you imagine being in Ephesus, hearing this word, this letter being read, much the way we are tonight. Families sitting together, listening to this word being read. Husbands sitting beside their wives. Fathers sitting with their children. Family units under the sound of God's word. And I want to encourage that tonight. You know there's blessing found for whole families being in church. together. I want to re-emphasize it tonight. Bring your children, bring your family to the house of God. It's great if they're here on a Sunday morning. Sunday night bring them. It works practically. Bring them on a Wednesday night and you know I've often said don't worry about crying. I'll preach louder than they can cry. I was in a church recently preaching and the man, the elder that was leading for me said on the door in the way, I think you had a shout off with one of the toddlers. But you know, the other way of looking at it is if we have a church where there's no sign of children, we're in dire straits. We're in a bad place. So I want to encourage you and those listening online perhaps who have children and they don't want to bring them, I bring them to the house of God because God's word is applicable for the whole family. as we come to these practical verses about having a holy home. Really, in these first couple of verses, or first four verses, Paul speaks to two groups of people. He speaks to children, and then he speaks to parents. Now, I'm gonna try my best to address both groups tonight. We may not get it finished, but we'll see how we go. The first group that Paul speaks to is children. And we have in verses one to three Paul's charge to children. This is what he says, children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor thy father and mother, which is the first commandment, with promise that it may be well with thee and that thou mayest live long on the earth. The word children here is not a reference just to small children. When we hear this or read this word, we immediately think of boys and girls, we think of young children, but the actual word is a little bit broader than that. The word refers to all who are still dependent upon their parents. It referred to those who were unmarried and therefore were still under the authority of their parents. Now it doesn't refer to those who are unmarried and remain single throughout their lives, but those who are still under the influence, still under the authority, still dependent upon their parents. We could really say that this word refers to anyone from a tot to a teen. Right up to that place where they're old enough to stand upon their own two feet and support themselves. And again, building on a little of what I've already said, it's interesting that the apostle here doesn't just address the adults, but he's got a charge for the children too. And rightly so in the particular context into which Paul was ministering. Listen to some contextual information from Dr. S. Lewis Johnson. He says, Because, just as in our society, the signs of breakdown were not only in the Roman Empire, but had come to pass. And in their society, children were unwanted. They were abandoned. They were mistreated. They were abused. They were raped, and furthermore, they were murdered. Every one of those experiences are experiences that are characteristic of our society today. And so the apostles' words were addressed to a society that was very much like ours. A society that had little concern for children. Thankfully, as we see from the Apostle Paul, we see that God has a concern for children. We know that, of course, from the Lord's example in Matthew 19 and 14, where Jesus said, "'Suffer the little children and forbid them not to come unto me, for of such is the kingdom of God.'" And you know, as we think about that, when we think about God's concern for children, we think about a children's meeting and reaching children with the gospel. We think about evangelistic efforts to reach children. And that's a massive part of God's concern for children. But the fact that we have them mentioned here in chapter number 6, is a reminder that God is not just concerned with a child's salvation, but He's also concerned with their sanctification too. God doesn't want to see children just saved, sit in the shadows, and then when they reach some older age, then begin to flourish as a Christian. The fact that Paul addresses the children of Ephesus here is that God has a desire not just to see children saved, but to see them grow in their faith. It's also a good reminder for you and I tonight that the Bible isn't just a book for grownups, that the Bible is applicable to children. It's a charge to me as a pastor and preacher that the messages ought to be applicable to children where possible too. That as a preacher, it's not just to be to adults, but it's important that children take something from the message too. Paul, as they say, speaks directly to the children here, and his charge is twofold. He says, children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. He says, readily heed your parents. And then in verse two, he says, honor thy father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise. He says, rightly honor your parents. What's Paul's twofold charge? First of all, children readily heed your parents. The word obey here, or the charge to obey in verse number one is linked back to the theme of submission. We look at that in chapter five in verses 21 and 22. Paul says, submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. Paul has been speaking how as believers we are to submit to one another, we are to place ourselves under others. He brings out in the marriage and how wise are to submit themselves to their husband. And Paul continues on this theme in chapter 6 where he says, children obey your parents. Now it's important here that I again emphasize that though he links this to submission, it's different to wives submitting to their husbands. How a child submits to their parents is different to how a wife submits to her husband. In verse number 22 of chapter 5, Paul uses a different word when he speaks about wives. Paul there is talking about submission between equals. And I think it's important that we remember again tonight that a wife is not commanded to obey her husband in the same way a child is to obey their parents. A husband should treat his wife as his equal, not the same way he treats his child. A husband is the head of his wife, but he's not the boss of his wife. However, when we come to chapter 6 and verse 1, the idea is the same theme, but a slightly different meaning. Because the idea in chapter 6 is the idea of submitting to one who is not your equal. One submitting to one who is superior to you. And of course, parents occupy a superior position to children. And thus, God's design and desire for children is to recognize their parents as God-appointed guardians. Not just their mom and dad in some flippant way, but recognize them as a God-given authority over their life. Children are a gift to parents, but parents equally are gifts to children. They are to be their guardians. They are the authority figure in their lives. And therefore, disobedience is disregarding the higher place that parents occupy. Of course, parental disobedience is a particular distinctive of the last days. Paul speaks about that in 2 Timothy 3 and 2. He speaks about the day when men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy. You know, you only need to take a trip around Tesco to see how rife this is today. Paul's charge to Christian children is to live in contrast to the culture. Be different. Don't be defiant, but be obedient. Now, I know there's young people and children here tonight. I want to say, as someone who is one, no parent is perfect. Your parents don't get it right all the time. Your parents aren't God's gift of wisdom. We are fallible. We get it wrong. We're not perfect. But Christian children should recognize and respect their parents' God-given authority over their lives, and therefore do as they're told. You know, if we're looking for a perfect example of this, we look to the Lord Jesus. And you say, yeah, but he obeyed his Father in heaven. He did. But he also obeyed his parents on earth. Look chapter two, verse 51. It says that he went down with them. That's Mary and Joseph. and came to Nazareth and then listened to these words and was subject onto them. Here is the King of heaven, the Lord Jesus Christ, the one who occupies supreme authority over all. And yet in his incarnation, he didn't come to Mary and Joseph and say, hang on, you have a duty to obey me. He made himself subject onto them. You see, Jesus provided even a perfect example for children. If we look at the text here, Paul gives two reasons why children should obey their parents. He says, children, obey your parents in the Lord. Now, this little phrase does not mean to only obey Christian parents. You know, okay, I only obey my parents if they're Christians or I'm a Christian. That's not at all what it means. Rather, this is a similar qualifier to wives in verse 22. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. Children, obey your parents in the Lord or as unto the Lord. This is to be the sphere of a child's Christian obedience. This is to be their motivation to obey. This is the duty as a Christian child. Why should I obey my mum and dad? Because I'm doing it unto the Lord. One way children can begin to live out their faith is by seeing it as what God has asked them to do. Not only are they to do it in the Lord or as unto the Lord, but I love the way sometimes the Bible is just so direct. It doesn't need explained. Why should we obey our parents? Because this is right. This is right. Simply because it's what God wants. It's what God asks. Not to be questioned, just God says it, so we do it. Because it's right. But you know, as I thought about this, there's a charge to children here. Children, obey your parents. But there's a word to parents here and a word to grandparents. We cannot lay verse one and two and three all on our children. We cannot expect our children to be obedient. Why? Because they're born naturally disobedient. They don't need to learn disobedience. And I think that's incredible as I've watched my own two children. Like they've never had, nobody taught them to lie or to be bold. And at the minute, the two of them are a nightmare. They're fighting like cat and dog and you don't need to teach them. And so we can't just say, okay, Jonah, okay, Sophia, be obedient. They don't know how to be obedient. And so as parents, obedience must be explained and not just expected. What do we mean by that? Well, obedience needs taught in love and by discipline. And the best way to teach obedience is sometimes by disciplining disobedience, by showing them the difference. And as they get a little bit older, sitting them down and explaining from God's word why we're to obey, explaining the relationship between parent and child. post-charge the children. First of all, he says, readily heed your parents. Secondly, he says, rightly honor your parents. He says, honor thy father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise. Again, we live in a day when respect for authority has completely gone out the window. I know there's some folks here, men and women involved in law enforcement, maybe some are involved in education. And I have talked to you and you tell me this, that it's just incredible that young people have no respect for law enforcement, no respect for teachers, no respect for older people. And so we're living in a society where respect is sliding. But here's the thing, we can't expect respect to be shown in public if it isn't being shown in private to parents. That's where it begins. And that's exactly what Paul calls for here in verse number two. Before Paul, you know, and he does in some of his other epistles talk about the importance of respecting older people and respecting those in authority. But isn't it interesting here that Paul doesn't, as he speaks to children, doesn't talk about laws and lawgivers and all of these things. He starts with the home. And you see, that's where everything starts. Everything starts with the home. What he does here is he rehearses one of the Ten Commandments, and so we could say this, that verse number two in the principle of honoring our father and mother is something that God has always been big on. The word honor means to show respect, means to count as worthy, to see as valuable or deserving of recognition. Essentially, it's an extension of our affection and it's an expression of our love for our parents. In fact, this verse number two is the attitude out of which verse number one is born. Listen to what John MacArthur says, honor is the attitude behind the act. The act is obedience and honor is the attitude. Remember that an act without proper attitude is hypocrisy. If you do what your parents tell you to do, but you hate it and you're unwilling and nasty about it, then you're a hypocrite. If you do what your parents tell you to do, but you're bitter and fearful, reluctant and selfish, that's not the right spirit. God is after the attitude much more than he's after the act. Because if the attitude is right, the act will follow. But if a right act with a wrong attitude is nothing but Hypocrisy. And so Paul's charged to children. He says, I don't want you only to obey your parents, but I want you to do it with the right attitude. I want you to do it with a respect for your parents. I want you to count them as worthy. I want you to see your parents as valuable, deserving of recognition, deserving of respect. Now here's the point that we can open this up a little bit. Because verse number two isn't just a charge to children. Well, sorry, it is a charge to children, but what I'm gonna say is, this charge has no expiry date. This charge has no expiry date. Verse number one applies until marriage or so long as we're dependent upon our parents. We obey our parents, but we don't expect somebody when they're 35 and single and unmarried and they've got a job and they're supporting themselves to still do what their mummy tells them to do. But when we come to verse number two, there's never a point when we are to stop honoring or respecting our father and mother. We have a duty to continue to prize and provide for our parents. Let me show you an example of this. I want you to come to 1 Timothy chapter number five. 1 Timothy chapter number five. On Timothy chapter five, Paul is giving a charge to Timothy about how he wants the church and things in the church to be worked out and giving some patterns to be followed. And in verse number three, he deals with widows and how widows are to be taken care of in the church. He talks about elders. And he talks about treating elder women as mothers. And then in verse four, he talks about widows. He says, but if any widow have children, or sorry, in verse number three, he says, honor widows that are widows indeed. And then listen to verse four. But if any widow have children or nephews, let them learn first. to show piety at home and to requite their parents for that is good and acceptable before God." In other words, here's what he's saying. He's saying, don't you be running after widows and caring for widows and being part of the church's widow caring program while you neglect your own. He says, let them look after their own mothers that have been widowed. Let these children and nephews Let them learn at home. Again, we can take our lead from the Lord who set the perfect example. I don't have time to read it tonight, but it's an incredible passage of scripture when the Lord Jesus is on the cross. In John chapter 19, he's approaching those hours of darkness. And you would think he would be concerned with himself and his own agony. But what does Jesus do? He looks down from the cross and he speaks to his mother. And he speaks to Mary and he speaks to John and he says to Mary, behold your son. And he says to John, behold your mother. In other words, right to his dying breath, Jesus showed a care and concern for his mother, Mary. He wanted to make sure she was okay after he was gone. Right to the end, he honored his mother. Do you know what a challenge to all of us, you know, that there is no expiry date on Paul's charge to children when it comes to honoring our father and our mother. There shouldn't be a point when we resent them. We should always have an attitude of respect and see our parents as valuable because they brought us into the world. They've invested so much in our lives and they are due our honor. Verse number 3 of chapter 6, Paul then speaks about the blessing that comes from being an obedient child. He says that it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth. Paul continues the quote from the Pentateuch, but He changes the reward slightly for the church age. If you were to read this back in when it was given in Exodus, it says, honor thy father and thy mother, which is the first commandment with promise that it may be well with thee and that thou mayest live long in the land. So it was given to a Jewish context. But here, Paul changes it slightly and he says, instead of living long in the land, a person is more likely to live a long life if they obey, if they readily heed their parents and rightly honor their parents, then they will likely live long in the land. Now, what does that actually mean? Does it mean if I obey my parents, I'm gonna have a long life? Well, perhaps more correctly, we could say, live a full and fulfilling life, a life that's free from pitfalls many fall into from being disobedient. In other words, a right upbringing sets a child up for a right life. Obeying parents and honoring parents brings protection from wrongful and wayward paths. We've heard it in testimonies here. We see it in society. Someone who starts out as a disobedient and disrespectful child often ends up a disobedient and disrespectful adult who may finish up reaping dreadful consequences of their own actions and attitudes and put themselves in an early grave. And so we've got to be thankful tonight for parents that have brought us up well. Listen to what William Macdonald says. He says, We only need to look throughout the Bible for several sad examples. Samson, Eli's two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, Absalom, David's son. They all died young men because they lived lives of rebellion. I know it's not easy at times, folks, but we must endeavor to bring our children up to be obedient and to be children who respect authority that's over them. We've paused charge for the children. But then when we come to verse number four, we have got Paul's principle for parents. Because he moves on and he says, And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. We're probably not going to get this point finished, but we'll see how far we get. It's interesting here that Paul singles out fathers. You say, well what about the mothers? Maybe all the dads are saying, hang on, is there not a word for mums here? Well, Paul does so for very good reason, again, in keeping with the Ephesian context. Listen to what William Barclay says in terms of a historical context. He says, He could sell them as slaves. He could make them work in his fields, even in chains. He could punish as he liked and could even inflict the death penalty. Further, the power of the Roman father extended over the child's whole life so long as the father lived. A Roman son never came of age, even when he was a grown man, even if he were a majesty of the city, even if the state had crowned him with a well-deserved honor. He remained within his father's absolute power. The great mistake consisted in the father considering the power which nature imposes as a duty on elders of guiding and protecting a child during infancy and extending that over his freedom involving his life and death and continuing over his entire existence. It is true that the father's power was seldom carried to its limits, because popular opinion would not have allowed it. But the fact remains that in the time of Paul, the child was absolutely in his father's power. Fathers were abusing their position. They were more dictators than loving fathers. And so we can see in that context why Paul particularly speaks to fathers who in society were abusing their position. But you know, it's important tonight for us who are men here this evening that we recognize and we realize and we remind ourselves that we do occupy an important position as the head of the home and so have a duty to do in fulfilling our role in leading our families aright. I think it's sadly all too often the case, and sometimes it's the case in my house, where my wife does more of the leading of the family than I do. We can be caught up with church, we can be caught up with business. It's our wife that's taking the lead, and hang on a minute, that's not what God said. God made you men head of your home. God didn't ask you to start a business. God didn't ask you to do these other things. God asked you first to be a father. And then all the other things come underneath that. I think it's a challenge as I look at my life and I look at my priorities. I fear sometimes as men we have a lot to answer for because we have shirked the leadership of our homes for other things. To lighten it up a little bit, a commentator received an email, an unsolicited email that was full of truth and wisdom. He said, as a father of three daughters, I recognize the note that was entitled Daddy's Rules for Dating. It offered advice to dads that dads could understand. With humor and sarcasm, it listed 10 rules for any boy who hopes to date our daughter. Rule one, for example, says, if you pull into my driveway and honk, you better be delivering a package because you're not picking anything up. Translated, don't you dare be rude. Each rule had a nugget of truth that fathers understand well. Do not touch my daughter. Get my daughter home early. Treat my daughter with respect. We as fathers are protective of our children, and rightly so, because God has given them to us as a trust. And you know, I think it's so important that we see the priority and the preciousness being a parent, and the emphasis that God puts upon it in his words. It was the first institution after marriage in Genesis. Marriage led to a family. But while Paul, and understandably so, speaks to fathers here in chapter number six, parenting, as we all know, is a partnership program. And so these principles should be heeded by mothers too. What does Paul say? What's his charge? What's Paul's parenting principles? Well, he contains it in just one verse, and there's two of them. Number one, he says to us as parents, treat your children well. Ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath. Paul starts with the negative here. He says, provoke not your children to wrath. Literally, do not irritate or anger your child by how you treat them. Now that doesn't say don't wind them up or don't embarrass them. We all like to do that. But what he's talking about here is do not treat them in a way that causes resentment. Again, that was rampant in the Ephesian culture. How could a child respect their father who showed no respect to them and treated them as nothing? While this is not a call for lack of discipline, it is a call to be careful how we discipline. Do you know, we must be careful not to become dictatorial or domineering parents. We must guard against being so hard on our children that they end up despising us, or even worse, departing the faith. You see, we're meant to be different as mothers and fathers, if we're saved. And I think Paul touches on that in Colossians 3, verse 21, where he says, Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. Commentator John Eady says this. He says, the paternal reign is not to be one of terror and stern authority, but of love. The rod may be employed, but in reason and moderation and never from a momentary impulse and anger. Children are not to be moved to wrath by harsh and unreasonable treatment or by undue partiality and favoritism. If they be uniformly confronted with paternal frown and menace, then their spirit is broken and the most powerful motive to obedience, the desire to please, it's taken from them. I have to hold my hands up and say guilty when I've had a bad Sunday. or something has annoyed me. Who suffers? My children. I'm snappy at them. I'm quicker to shout. And Paul says, you know, we've got to be careful. We've got to be careful to treat our children well. We've got to be careful that we're not setting a pattern that's provoking our children to resent us. I'm gonna leave it at this point. Some ways we can provoke our children to wrath. I'm gonna list seven of them. Number one, by being too holy. What I mean by that, not by being literally too holy because we want our children to see us as holy. Being so pious that we show no liberty in the faith. That we set such strict rules, we don't allow them room to breathe. That we want them in a spiritual straitjacket. They resent us for it. I have a neighbor, five children, one of five, were brought up in a very, very strict home. Christian home, very strict. All five of them, no time for the Lord. All five. Some ways we can provoke our children to wrath. Too holy, in the right sense. Too hard, no affection. Show them no love. We're hard. Doesn't mean we're all mushy. We're too hard. Too harsh. Never praising our children. Commanding them. Saying, you know, just, well done, son. It's really good. Here's a big one I've already touched on this tonight. Too hectic. My child can resent me because daddy was always out. Daddy was always working. Daddy had time for everything, but he had no time for me. I was provoking our children to wrath. Remember, it's not anger, maybe that, but it's resentment. Too headstrong, no flexibility, no give and take, no reasonableness, just black and white. I'm only five years into parenting, and I know that parenting's not black and white, and the more you try to make it black, and I've been speaking to some of you guys who have teenage children, and it's all shades of gray when you get to teenagers. We can resent our children by making parenting black and white, no flexibility. Too high-minded, expecting too much of our child. You know, wanting our child to keep up with the Joneses or the Smiths, and really they're not an A grade child, but we want them to be, not for their sake, but because we want to keep up with the mums at school. We're to love them as the way the Lord has made them, fearfully and wonderfully made. But here's the big one. Too hypocritical. No consistency in our Christianity. Somebody tells this story, he says, I was browsing in a used bookshop when an irate customer stormed in. Lowley demanded a refund. When the man couldn't get what he wanted, he began swearing at the shop assistant. He continued the tirade for seven minutes, for several minutes, as a girl of seven or eight stood passively at his side. Eventually, he stomped out of the store, cursing as he went, with the little girl following close behind. I wondered if the girl was his daughter. If so, what did she learn from her dad that afternoon? More important, the event caused me to ask, what does my daughter learn from me at home and all the places we go together? She learns a lot more from watching my behavior than from all my little talks about life and God. I don't know about you, but for me as a parent, that was powerful, that our children are watching us. And the big challenge I have is I'm the man that stands in this pulpit on a Sunday and my children sit here and then they see me on a Sunday afternoon and I'm gonna tell you something, there's a massive gap, it doesn't add up. And I'm mindful of that. But we don't want our children to resent us because we went out suited and booted to church on a Sunday and a Wednesday. But every other time they saw us different. will not always be perfect. But this is why all these principles that we've been looking at, it's so important that we seek to live them out in our life, not just for our sake, not just for the sake of our testimony among the unsaved, but for our witness to our children and to our grandchildren who are always watching. May we seek never to cause them to resent us. They may grow up and not agree with us. They may not get saved, but at least they can say that my daddy never put me off. My daddy sought to live the Christ he loved. What a challenge, as we think about Paul's charge to children. He says, you know, be in a place where you're readily heeding your parents, obey them. be in a place where you're rightly honoring your parents, respect them and love them. But then he turns to the parents and he says, listen, fathers, you occupy an important place. And as parents, it's so important you treat your children well. That's where we're gonna leave it tonight. A challenge, I know it's a challenge. Then the other side, Paul then moves to the positive And not only does he call us to treat our children well, but in verse four, he goes on and he says, teach your children well. Because he says, you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of God. of the Lord. But that's where we'll pick it up next time as God gives help and we come back to this passage next week. Let's stand together before we come to pray and we'll sing just a couple of verses of when we walk with the Lord in the light of his word, what a glory he sheds in our way while we do his goodwill, he abides with us still and with all who will trust and obey.