The following presentation is brought to you by Faith Presbyterian Church Reformed. Delivering today's message will be Dr. Richard Bacon. Father, we confess that Thou art indeed able to prepare a table for us wherever it pleases Thee to do so. We pray now that Thou wouldst heap up on the table of Thy Word great things for us to eat, great things for us to know. We pray that Thou wouldst open our hearts, that we might have minds inclined to Thy Word, and that Thou wouldst then cause Thy Word to be great amongst us, that it might enlarge our hearts, that we might look upon our Lord Jesus Christ more fully in the Scriptures. For we ask this in His name. Amen. Please be seated. Continue on in Hebrews, the 13th chapter. Had to do a little bit of work with chapter verses 1 and 2, and then verse 3, where we put 2 and 3 together instead of 1 and 2 together. But nevertheless, verses 1 through 3 deal primarily with, if you will, corporate and public duties. that we have corporate and public duties to love one another, to entertain strangers, to remember them that are in bonds, and so forth. And we said in the exposition of these first three verses that the basis for this is the adoption of sons and that the outworking of it we see visibly, most fully, in the office of deacon, but that it is the church deacon, if you will, it is the church ministering to strangers, to those who are traveling amongst us, to those who may be itinerating from other locations. Just as we live in a very mobile society today, it is also the case that the first century was a very mobile century. It was a century in which the roads that had been built by the Romans were still in very good repair and one could walk or take easy transportation from one place to another. In the Mediterranean basin, sailing from one place to the other was very common. Plus, at that time, because of the conquering armies of Alexander the Great, there was a common language that one could speak. If you spoke a universal language, such as Greek, you could move from place to place to place and be understood. So there was a lot of motion in those days. And so hospitality was an important part of the church's ministry. But now in verses 4 through 6, if you will, The author narrows his scope a bit, and instead of dealing so much with corporate duties and corporate honor, he narrows in on individuals, or private and personal. Now, these two things are connected. Don't get the wrong idea. Don't think, oh, well now, because hospitality is a corporate ministry, therefore there's no responsibility for me to be hospitable myself. Nor should we think, since contentedness is a private duty, that churches cannot be consumed by covetousness. We do want to put some brakes on that. We do want to put bookends on it so that we keep it in the right place. But at the same time, we also recognize that while these two ideas are connected, But nevertheless, there is a turning from public to private duties at verse 4, and this will continue through verse 6. Actually, it will continue beyond that. But for this morning, we'll look at verse 4. Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled. but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." And if you will, you can translate, that is, if you care to, you can translate the word whoremongers as fornicators. It's the word that is routinely translated throughout the New Testament as fornicator, the state being translated as fornication. So unless there is unless uncleanness and covetousness are mortified in us, there can be no real brotherly love. May I say it this way, that the church is not just an abstract entity, but that it is a body made up of her members. And so we can't have uncleanness, we can't have covetousness, as private members and yet the church be unaffected and the church will fail to extend brotherly love to those to whom it is due. Now, there are two things that go back to before the fall that are much in disrepair and disrepute today. And that is marriage and the Sabbath. Well, really, labor goes back before the fall as well, and that's also in disrepute and disrepair. But those two things, the Sabbath and marriage, and if you'll turn to Genesis 2.18, I want you to see something. Now, if we had time to read through chapter 1, here's what you would see. At the end of each day, God beheld what it was that his hands had made, what it was that his hands had formed, and he said, it's good. And finally, the summation of all that is that he looked upon the whole creation and it was all very good. In Genesis chapter 2, we have the first indication of something not being good. And look with me to Genesis 2.18. And the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make an help fitting for him. Or in the authorized version, you have meat for him. Now please, let's not adopt that fundamentalistic concept of calling wives help-meats. No. They are helps. Meat for us. In other words, the word meet does not go with help. The word meet goes with us. And the idea is that of fittingness, correspondence. The wife is a help that is altogether right for the man. And in fact, if you will, just as we couldn't imagine an ostrich running with one leg, or a bird that flies flying with one wing. We'd say, that's not good. So here, man without the woman is pronounced not good. So, lest I be misunderstood, there are those who, for the kingdom of God's sake, will become eunuchs. And Jesus said, those who can hear that, let them hear it. Those who can accept that, let them accept it. But it's abnormal. We need to understand that as a person grows in wisdom and stature and strength and in godliness, there comes a time in his life when the right thing for him to do is to begin seeking a wife. It is the right and normal thing for him to do. And if those days come and go without him seeking a wife, he will normally, to that extent, be stunted emotionally and spiritually. Now, we're not making a universal rule, but we are making a general rule that is so general that the author here, Paul, goes so far as to say, all. Now he doesn't mean all without exception, but he means that there is no class of men in whom marriage is not the honorable solution to their desires. So then, I want to talk to you this morning about the fact that marriage is the foundation of a family. We talk about having family values. Listen. Until you have marriage values, you can't have family values, because families are built upon marriages. Let me tell you something. The marriage comes before the family, chronologically, right? Because if you have children out of wedlock, they're not family, they're illegitimate children. So marriage comes before family, and after those children have grown, and have found spouses of their own and have moved out of mother and father's home. That's what it means to leave father and mother. It doesn't mean go find somebody and bring them back and have them live in the spare bedroom. It means that you have prepared a house of your own for her. At that time, you know what? You're right back to being a couple again. So the marriage begins before the family, it is foundational to the family, and it continues after the family has grown up and gone. What could be more foundational to the family than the marriage? I put it to you, nothing can be. So I want to talk to you about the excellence of marriage, first of all. The excellence or the honor of marriage. When Paul says here that the marriage bed is honorable, In all, what does he mean by honor? And secondly, I want to talk to you about some reasons for getting married. And then third, if we have time to get to it, how to choose a wife. I know some of you are already thinking, well, can't we just go straight to number three? Well, look, we have to have the foundations laid. So, first of all, the excellence of marriage. May I suggest to you that what this is speaking of is the fact that God has declared marriage to be excellent. When man was created, man was created in the image of God. But he wasn't as excellent as he would be after God brought him a wife. So God the Father, in the garden, along with the Sabbath, ordained it immediately. That is to say, from his own lips. From his own lips, he said, it is not good that a man should be alone. And Adam, prophesying the word of God, said, for this reason shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. This is before the fall. We need to understand that marriage is not only... Well, there's nothing sinful about it, because there was nothing sinful in the garden. It was ordained immediately by God, and so it had a great honor from the very beginning. This is God the Father, we believe, speaking. But think about the time. It was before the fall. And think about the place. It was the place where God had put man to bring glory to Him by subduing the earth. And He said, if you want to bring glory to Me by subduing the earth, here's what you need. You need a Sabbath, and you need a wife. You need a place. But you need a Sabbath. You need six days of labor and one day of rest. And you need a help that's fitting for you. Remember now, this came at the conclusion of God bringing all the animals to Adam and having him name them. We can imagine he said, yeah, that's a kangaroo. Over here we have a possum. And down the road over there, that one that I saw just a minute ago, that was a camel. We can think that way. But may I suggest to you that what God was doing was bringing the animals to Adam so that he could see that there was no animal that was fitting for him. There was no animal that he had created. The best of the best was not fitting as a mate for Adam. That Adam needed someone altogether as special as he was as a mate. And I think that's what's going on in that task where God is bringing all the animals to Adam. And Adam is realizing that he needs someone else. God is creating in him, if you will, a longing for a help fitting for him. And so in a sense, now men, don't misunderstand me, Ladies don't get haughty looks, but in a sense, man is not the crowning act of creation, woman is. Right? Because after God had created man, then he created woman out of man. Yes? We need to understand that. We need to understand, yes, man is the image of God, and by the way, man is the image of God in a way that women are not. Women are the image of men because they were created from the rib of Adam. Or that is to say, Eve was created from the rib of Adam. But nevertheless, we need to understand that our wives, the women that God gives to us as helps fitting for us, are the crowning act of creation. And so they should be treasured by us in that sense. I'm speaking now not only to the young men, but I suppose to the married men as well. that we should treasure that spouse that God has given us as being altogether special, altogether fitting for us, that there is a treasure that we have here that nothing else in all of creation can satisfy. And he says it's not good for him to be alone. Here he was in an ideal state. Would you all agree that the Garden of Eden was about as good as it's been so far? Here he was in an ideal state, but he was alone. So I put it to you that the ideal state is not being alone in paradise. The ideal state is being accompanied by a wife fitting for us. But not only does the father honor marriage in such a way, the son also honors marriage in the same way. We began to read about that in Matthew chapter 1 this morning, didn't we? that Joseph had the good sense to marry Mary prior to the birth of Christ. And so, when the time came, Christ was born of a woman. He was born of that one that God gave to Joseph as a wife. And there is a sense, then, in which Christ not only honored marriage by the institution of it, by the ordaining of it, but he honored marriage even further by being born into it. Galatians 4.4, when the fullness of time was come, he was born of a woman, born under the law. He also honored marriage at the marriage feast in Cana of Galilee. Do you remember that story? Without going into what he produced, I believe what he produced was aged, fermented wine. You say, well, clearly it wasn't aged. Well, why not? Adam was when he was created. And when God the Son created wine, there's no reason to think it couldn't be aged, fermented wine. But be that as it may, whatever it was, it was for the purpose of rejoicing and having a good time and making merry at a wedding feast. And so Christ honored marriage by attending and even performing a miracle at a wedding feast in Cana of Galilee, John 2.8. He honored marriage by way of parable. Remember how he repeatedly referred to the man who gave a wedding feast for his son, and he invited the people to come by giving them a wedding garment. And how many weeks did we spend on the parable of the wise and foolish virgins? Quite some time. So in Matthew 22 and in Matthew 25, by way of parable, he shows how honorable marriage is when it is between a man and a woman. And that brings us to finally our direct teaching in Matthew chapter 19. When they came to him and asked him about divorce, he said, look, the question you should be asking is about marriage. Because marriage sanctifies this relationship between a man and a woman. And when that relationship is sanctified in the eyes of God, as he said, let not man put it asunder. What God has joined together. In fact, most of us who have been married in a church building, we've heard vows and taken vows very similar to that, at which time the minister pronounces, what God has joined together, let not man put asunder. And so that comes from Matthew chapter 19. God the Father, God the Son, and I think God the Holy Spirit as well, although perhaps in a less direct way has done so, by inspiring the apostles to speak of the relationship between Christ and the Church in terms of what? A marriage. A husband and a wife. That the Church is the Bride of Christ. as in Ephesians 5, 31 and 32. But this is not something brand new. The Holy Spirit has inspired numerous authors in the same way. In Isaiah chapter 54, the woman who was barren shall now bring forth more children than she who had previously born. Isaiah 54, 5 and following. In Revelation 21, 9, She's referred to as the wife of the Lord. In Jeremiah 3.14, God speaks of Himself, and I put it to you that it's the Holy Spirit speaking through Jeremiah, that He has betrothed Himself to Israel. Now, that's honor. It's not just the honor of men. It's the honor of God. God has made the marriage bed honorable because He has placed His honor upon it. Now, we're not saying that therefore marriage is a duty to everyone we're not saying that everyone and certainly there are some people who have a duty right now not to be married the youngest amongst us for example those who are not yet prepared for marriage it's certainly not their duty right now to be married and yet we should regard the single life as being abnormal The life of idle contemplation is an abnormal life. But the life of labor, according to God, requires a help fitting for it. And so it's normal that we marry. Men, and I'm saying men, I guess I really mean young men, unmarried men, If you have desires along this line, those are not only healthy desires, but your parents should encourage them, not simply as untoward desires, as desires that are able to go in any direction, but your parents should encourage them in this way, that they be rightly channeled. If we don't rightly channel these desires, the desires won't go away. And they will soon overwhelm even the greatest of saints. Even the greatest of saints? Yeah, David. And if such a desire can overwhelm even David, then what was he doing? Instead of being out where he was supposed to be, he was involved in idle contemplation. He was trying to live a monk's life. I don't think he was being lazy. I don't think he was being cowardly. by staying behind and walking along his roof when it was time for kings to go to war. I don't think he was being lazy. I don't think he was being cowardly. But I do think he was attempting to be contemplative. And that's one thing that we need to recognize, that This idea of spending hours and hours and hours a day in contemplation, even on Scripture, if it's not your calling, is no better than indolence. It's no better than laziness. If you've been called to drive a bus, then don't spend that time. You should be driving a bus. Contemplating scripture. Contemplate your bus route. If you've been called to write computer code, 8 hours, 10 hours, 12 hours a day, whatever the number of hours is, don't spend that time on a rooftop contemplating scripture. Spend that time doing your calling. What does that have to do with marriage? It has everything to do with marriage, because most people who give up on marriage think that it's somehow more holy to do so. Now, is there greater liberty? Yes, there is greater liberty. And if there are no desires to get married, if there's no longing for marriage, if there's nothing that causes you to want to be with a woman or women to be with a man, if there's nothing like that in you and God has given you such a gift, that's one thing. But to think that you have somehow achieved a higher level of holiness because you don't get married and you have all of this time to be contemplative, that's where most of the cults begin. Most of the cults begin with single people who have too much time on their hands. So it's not a better life, it's not an increased holiness. In fact, usually it's just indolence. masquerading as piety. You all know what I mean by indolence? An unwillingness to work hard. So then, reasons for marriage. If God has set His honor upon marriage, if He has said that marriage is excellent, well, that's our number one reason for getting married, right? We want some of God's blessings. So, in a sense, the reasons and the blessings intertwine here. First of all, First of all, not to gratify your desires, but for the propagation of a holy seed. That's the first reason. When God created man, what was the first command? The first commandment was not to till the garden. The first commandment was be fruitful and multiply. And by the way, if the commandment is be fruitful and multiply, And if same-sex marriages cannot produce offspring, then they are what? Automatically forbidden. They're unlawful from the get-go. Not only the law of God, but the very law of nature tells us that same-sex marriages are hideous to God. So the first thing then is for a propagation of a holy seed. That means one man and one woman. Not one man and seven women, not one man and even two women. One man and one woman is the norm. I recently have read an interesting suggestion that the next aberration in our societal drift downwards will be the legalization of polygamy. Think about it. with all of the influx of people that we have today from the Middle East, where polygamy is quite lawful. And of course, they have as many rights as anybody else, right? Why shouldn't they have a right to have a dozen wives? And you know it's being practiced, whether it's being admitted or not, that you have all manner of polygamous marriages throughout Utah and Idaho. And with those two Bringing pressure upon the Congress and with Christians for the most part unable to articulate The reasons for it being wrong It may well be that in the lifetimes of some of us sitting here That we will see that law changed in the u.s.. To where polygamous marriages will be allowed Not just in the u.s.. It'll probably start in England or Europe somewhere But then once it started in Europe, why? Who are we to be behind the times? One of the reasons that France has the attitude that it has toward the Middle East is because there are as many Muslims, in fact there are more Muslims than there are Christians, in Paris. And of course Marseille has always been that way. So propagation of a holy seed. Thus when the Bible refers to the wife of our youth, The reason that we normally get married when the hormones are flowing is so that we can actually have a holy seed. Because if we wait until that inclination is passed, they're no longer the wife of our youth, and women are incapable, at a certain point in their lives, of bearing children. That's the miracle of Sarah, isn't it? The miracle of Sarah is not just that she was old, it was that she was incapable of bearing children. She was past the time when she could have children. And so that's one of the reasons that we get married. I'm going to say young. I'm going to qualify that in context of a human lifetime. We don't get married when we're 12, but we get married when we're young, as opposed to old. And in Proverbs 5.18 and Malachi 2.15, both of those places, God refers to the wives of our youth. And so The idea, and some of you know exactly what I'm talking about when I say this, the idea of a 70-year-old man marrying a 24-year-old woman is hideous. I mean, basically, you think about that, what's going to happen is he is creating orphans and widows. It's an irresponsible act. I don't care who does it, it's still an irresponsible act. I'm not saying the person himself had a life characterized by irresponsibility, but that act was an irresponsible act. for a 74 or 75-year-old man to marry a 24 or 25-year-old woman is for him simply to cast her into widowhood early and to cast his offspring into orphan status early on. So propagation of a holy seed. Now there is an exception to that, and that's in 1 Corinthians 7.29. Some of you remember that we've gone through 1 Corinthians chapter 7 in some detail. I don't think we can get it all on a single CD, but we did hurry through 1 Corinthians 7 one afternoon. In 1 Corinthians 7, verse 29, we read, This I say, brethren, the time is short. That is to say, Paul was speaking into a situation in which there was considerable pressure on the church. There was affliction and persecution of the church, in the context into which he was writing. And so in that context, he says, the time is short. It remains that both they that have wives be as though they had none, they that weep as though they wept not, and so forth. There is that exception. The exception may be that in times of particular distress, particular affliction, in which we find it impossible even to support ourselves, that God does not want us to take on wives. But that would be an exception. That would not be the rule. We need to be careful about going out to the extremes and making rules from the extremes. We make rules from the center, right? And yes, there may be times when the church is extremely affected by persecution, under significant afflictions, that the young men and young women would be better off refraining from getting married until the affliction passes. But that's rare. And even at the time that it was going on, Paul didn't say, well, that's the best thing. He just said, freedom is the best thing. So propagation, we've got three Ps here. Propagation and then prevention of immorality. God has given us a solution. The same God who gave us the desires, gave us the appointed outlet for that desire. For example in fact if we want to say in 1st Corinthians chapter 7 in 1st Corinthians 7 2 and some of you may remember in my in my exposition of 1st Corinthians chapter 7 said if we're going to understand 1st Corinthians chapter 7 correctly we have to understand that 7 1 contains a question that he's answering is it good for a man not to touch a woman that is to say is it good for a man to remain in an unmarried state It's a foregone conclusion as to whether it's a good thing for a man to touch a woman in an unmarried state. In an unmarried state, that's forbidden. In an unmarried state, men don't touch women. Women don't touch men in an unmarried state. That goes without questioning. The question is, should you get married? Should we get married? Is it good to remain single? Or is it good to get married? And here's what Paul says in verse 2. To avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife and every woman her own husband. To avoid fornication. So the second reason for marriage is the prevention of immorality. God has given us certain desires. They're strong desires. They're regulated both by mental activity and by the secretion of hormones. God has made us this way so that we will have a strong urge to be fruitful and multiply. But the same God who gave us this urge, the same God who gave us this desire, also gave us an appointed outlet for it. This is implied in Deuteronomy 17, 17, where Moses foresees the day when the people will have a king. And he says, the king should not take many wives. The king should be satisfied with a single wife. Well, I put it to you, so far is that from applying only to the king, that what the import of that is, is if the king is restricted to having one wife? How much more is everyone else restricted to having only one wife? Did David have many wives? Yes. But Jesus explicitly explains that polygamy is not for his people. In fact, polygamy is not for any human being. But specifically, as his people, we should not have to ask that question. Proverbs 2 16 refers to the strange woman I Say to you anyone who is in that situation that's described there as the strange woman. She should be strange to us We should not be there. We should not be partaking in her sweets in her dainties as it were So she's called a strange woman that one with whom single men would fornicate And by the way, that is that is the the distinction between in God's law between adultery and fornication is that adultery is committed by someone who's married and fornication is committed or with someone who's married and fornication is committed by single people. That's the whole difference. It's still uncleanness. It's just a difference of definition. It's a difference of category. But both the single man and the married man should not, I should say the other way, neither the married man nor the single man should frequent strange women. That is to say, those who for hire allow themselves to be touched. And those who are the offspring of such marriages are called bastards. And the bastard is not to have a place in the congregation of Israel for what, ten generations? In Deuteronomy 23, in other words, it's not something of which God approves. If God approved of it, He'd say, well, the bastard offspring was welcome in the congregation as anybody else. He reproves the bastard from coming in, the illegitimate offspring, if you don't like that word. I mean, it's a biblical word, but if you don't like it, then illegitimate offspring. God prohibits the illegitimate offspring, not because the offspring, not because the bastard himself has done anything wrong. What did he do but be born? He's done nothing wrong! The reason God prohibits it is to show how much He disapproves of that kind of a union between a man and a woman that results in illegitimate offspring. So propagation, prevention, and partnership. This takes us back to the garden, doesn't it? Partnership. Now, don't misunderstand. I'm not saying that the husband and the wife are necessarily equal partners. We may have a senior partner and a junior partner, but we still have partners. We don't have master and slave. We don't have, and especially we don't have, the woman being the master and the man being the slave. But neither do we have it the other way around. The man is not to be the master, but the man in fact is to prefer the woman, his wife, as being the weaker vessel. Now if you've got two containers at your house, and one is made of solid brass, and the other is made of delicate bone china, Which will you put up on display? Probably the delicate one, right? Which one will you take better care of? Because you have to, if it's going to last. And so, that's just the example that Peter uses so that we men will know how to treat our wives. That they are the more delicate vessel. They are the vessel of honor. They are the vessel that we must take better care of, because they are weaker. And so in Genesis 2.18 we see the very purpose of marriage as partnership from the beginning, don't we? Also in friendship, in Ecclesiastes 4.10, And this mutual friendship, this mutual admiration, should be one of cheering and helping the other. Ecclesiastes 4.10. When two walk together and one stumbles, it's better than being alone, because if one stumbles, then the other is there to pick him up. Right? Remember that passage? Okay. I preached on that a couple days ago, but it's been maybe more than a couple. It's been a while. All right, so we have the excellence of marriage. Are y'all convinced that marriage is an excellent institution? That it's an admired institution and that God has placed his honor upon it? Are you convinced that there are right reasons for getting married? Okay, then, if we're convinced that it's an excellent institution and that there are right reasons for getting married, then how do we go about doing that? How do we choose a life? I put it to you that there are right ways and wrong ways to do even right things. we can do right things in wrong ways and end up the worst for it. We can't do wrong things in right ways, but we can do right things in wrong ways and end up the worst for having done it. That's why you've heard me say to you sometimes, it's better not to marry at all than to marry the wrong person. Now, that's one of the things that we have to think. If we're going to choose a wife, you know what we're doing at the same time? We're choosing everybody else in the world not to be our wives. Right? When we choose one person to be our wife, we're at the same time saying, and nobody else. That's involved in our wedding vows. Our wedding vows are we will cleave to the one in opposition to all others. We are going to forsake everyone else. Right? You remember that? I know some of us have been married long enough that perhaps we don't remember saying it, but Or maybe five minutes later you didn't remember saying it because at that time in our lives, and those of you who have gone through especially a more elaborate wedding can testify to this, that it's kind of a blur. Well, first of all, our wife must be outside the bounds of prohibited kinship. You can't marry your sister. can't marry your father's wife, even if she's not your mother. In Leviticus chapter 18, some of you are already thinking, wait a minute, Leviticus, doesn't that have something to do with the ceremonial law? I don't think that applies to us. Well, in just a moment, I'll show you that it does. But for now, just be patient with me and look at what I'm talking about. Starting at verse 6, "...none of you shall approach to any that is near of kin to him to uncover their nakedness. I am the Lord. The nakedness of thy father or the nakedness of thy mother shalt thou not uncover." She is thy mother. Thou shalt not uncover her nakedness. The nakedness of thy father's wife shalt thou not uncover. It is thy father's nakedness. Notice that the scripture here distinguishes between the mother and the father's wife. Because this includes not only your natural mother, it includes your stepmother as well. The nakedness of thy sister, the daughter of thy father, or daughter of thy mother. That would include half-sisters. Whether she be born at home or born abroad, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover. The nakedness of thy son's daughter. That's granddaughter, right? or of thy daughter's daughter, even their nakedness thou shalt not uncover, for theirs is thine own nakedness, the nakedness of thy father's wife's daughter, your stepsister." So, you see, we have some very explicit prohibitions here, don't we? Now, if we compare that to 1 Corinthians chapter 5, you know, Paul knew the word for mother, didn't he? Paul was not at a loss as to how to say mother in the Greek language. But he does not refer in 1 Corinthians chapter 5 to the incestuous man, the fornicating man. He does not refer to the woman with whom he is fornicating as his mother. Some of us may wrongly understand it that way, but that's to impose our interpretation on it. What he says is father's wife. And we just read in Leviticus chapter 6 that God considers your mother and your father's wife as possibly being two distinct relationships. Not necessarily. It may be that your mother is the only woman that your father is ever married to. That could be. But it may also be that if his wife dies, if your mother dies, that he may marry someone else. You're prohibited from her as much as your own mother. So then, 1 Corinthians chapter 5, it's commonly reported among you that there is fornication, and such fornication is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife. And he goes on to say, you know what? If the person doesn't repent, he needs to be cast out of the church. Now, what you need to understand is, that's an unlawful relationship. And so within the bounds of kinship, or affinity, if you will, because in-laws count as much as the blood does. Within those bounds, we are not to marry. Interestingly enough, first cousins are not included here. In our society, it also would be against the law for us to marry our first cousins, because we are to be subject to every ordinance of man. Right? We are to be subject to the powers that be. And the powers that be say you can't marry your cousin. But God doesn't say that. They made that up. God does not say we can't marry our first cousins. I'm not suggesting that any of you go out and find a kissin' cousin or anything, but what I am saying is this, that we need to be careful about making laws that God hasn't made. And the reason God has made these laws, by the way, has nothing to do with genetics. In case you were thinking, well, we don't want our children to have six toes or be born cross-eyed, so we better not marry those that are two. No, because these have to do with relationships of affinity as well as relationships of blood. This is not strictly a genetic matter. This is simply God has placed a fence, and we are not to go beyond that fence. So they must be outside the bounds of kinship or the bounds of affinity. That's the first thing that we have to consider in choosing a wife. The second thing is that our wives or women, our husbands, must be believers. Must be? Well, let me say it this way. While it would not be a reason for nullifying the marriage, you would still be stuck with them. It is a sin from which you would be required by God to repent. You ought not to marry an unbeliever. Is it possible to marry an unbeliever? Yes. That's why I have said to you in the past, it is better to remain unmarried than to marry the wrong person. You ought not to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. 2 Corinthians 6, 14-17. But also, that same thing is taught throughout Scripture. In Numbers 23, verse 9, For from the top of the rocks I see him, and from the hills I behold him. Lo, the people shall dwell alone, and shall not be reckoned among the nations." Now what does that mean? That means that the Jew is not to go out and find a Gentile bride. And you, as believers, are not to go out and find a Gentile bride. You are to marry from within the nation of Israel. You are to marry from within the boundaries of the church. And as much as it lies within you, you should marry someone that you have good reason to think is a believer. Not just within the church, but one that you have good reason to think actually has bowed the knee to Jesus Christ. In fact, if you have an inkling that they haven't, You should not. There are basically two families on the face of the earth. The family of God and the family of the devil. And you don't want the devil as your father-in-law. This is a narrow road, isn't it? And we only marry those who are on the same road that we're on. We don't marry those that are over there on that broadway. We marry those that are going the same place we're going, that are going the same way we're going, And if we marry someone over there on that other road, there's just too great an opportunity for us to be over there on that road with them. In fact, I'll put it to you, that if you marry them, there's a good indication there that you already were on that other road over there with them. And I'll tell you why I say that. It's because what you're saying at that point is that my desires are more important than the law of God. I know better than God. I know I can convert Him later. You know, if I just have the right manner of life, God will convert him. You know what's more likely is that you'll be converted. I can't think of any relationship in this life that it's more dangerous to think that you can marry an unbeliever, marry a heathen, and think later on that you'll convert him or that he'll be converted to your faith. I can't think of a relationship in this life that that is less likely than that of marriage. And you know who usually makes that mistake? is men who are in such a big hurry to get married that they're unwilling to sit down and think about it carefully and clearly and receive counsel from people, and I say men, men and women. And if that was true in the Old Testament, and it was, it's much more true today. The reason is much more true today is because in the Old Testament They were all related as descendants from Abraham. They all lived in the same nation Whereas today we're interspersed among the nations. We're living in enemy territory, right? We are in the diaspora so to speak and And therefore, the dangers are much greater of running into, of living next door to, of being at the store with, of going to the market with, of being in the workplace with an unbeliever. And by the way, that's a really good reason, fathers, for you to keep your children out of the workplace. It's just a really good reason. Am I saying that it's unlawful for them to be in the workplace? Didn't say that. Don't quote me as saying that. But it's a really good reason for you to keep your daughters out of the workplace. Say, well, you know, they're growing up and they didn't find them a husband. Why do we have to follow the world on that? Why do we have to follow the world thinking, oh, you know what? My daughter needs a degree in this or that or the other thing so she can go out and have a career and be this and be that and be the other thing. Because all we're doing is setting before her eyes things that she's going to have to give up when she does get married. All we're doing is getting them used to something they can't keep. Because the very moment they marry, guess what? They're supposed to be keepers at home. And if we have them outside the home working and used to the idea of having their own money, used to the idea of being able to determine where and how and when it's going to be spent, we're simply giving them something that they can't have, that they can't keep. It's going to be taken away from them. And how wise is that? I put it to you that it's altogether foolish for men to do that to their daughters. Am I speaking as one who's perfect? No. I'm speaking as one who has made that mistake. And I've repented. And I say that to you now, so that you won't make the same stupid mistakes that I made. And yet, this does not mean that you can marry just anybody you meet at church. You say, oh, well, I met her at church, it must be lawful for me to marry her. We are to marry a virtuous woman. A virtuous woman is hard to find, right? Proverbs 12.14. You know what that word virtuous means? I know what you're going to think it means. You're going to think, oh, that means, it means a powerful woman. It means a strong woman. Do you know that it's important for women to be strong? In their calling, in their place, in their station, it's important for them to be strong. And I'll tell you why. Because that's where the chipping away usually takes place. both from within and from without. The chipping away usually takes place at mama's knee. That's why it's so important for you to have a strong woman as a wife. She should be pious. She should be competent at what she does. Do you know what? The first time a woman cooks should not be the day after her wedding. She should be competent already in running a house. She should already know how to balance a checkbook. May the Lord save us from young women who know calculus, but don't know how to balance a checkbook. It's like horses that know how to fly, but won't take a saddle. Boy, am I in trouble now. Well, I have a wife who knows how to balance a checkbook. And you know what? That's why I'm still afloat. She should be competent and she should be prudent. Proverbs 19.14. I was saying Proverbs 19.14 before. That was Proverbs 12.4. Proverbs 19.14 says she should be prudent. Now let me explain to you what prudent means. Prudent means circumspect. She should be always on the guard, just like a keeper at home doesn't just mean that she sits at home as a recluse. What a keeper at home means is that she's a guardian of that home. She knows what's happening inside that house, and she's making sure that the right things are happening. And that requires that she be circumspect. So men, not just anybody you meet at church, fathers and mothers, we have a responsibility not just to train sons that will be good husbands. We have a responsibility to train daughters, if we have them. We have a responsibility to train daughters that will make good wives. Let me say two things that are oftentimes substituted for right knowledge, and that's prayer and peace. Doesn't that sound pious? I'm going to pray that God would give me a good wife named such-and-such whose birthday is on such-and-such. And the very moment we begin to pray like that, what do we already have in mind? Somebody that we know. We've already decided what we're going to do. Now we're going to pray about it so we can blame God for it later. And the other thing is peace. How overrated is that? I have peace about it, brother. You know what that means? It means I've made up my mind and I'm sticking by my decision and there's nothing you can say that's going to jar me. Someone told me, this has been years ago that this story was related to me, but it's classic, about a fellow who decided that, well, if the phone rings within the next hour or two hours, then that means that I'm supposed to get married. And, oh, this is so pious, I'm putting out a fleece before the Lord, just like that hero Gideon did. Oh, I'm such a hero to do something like this. That's mysticism, pure and simple. God teaches us from His Word the kind of wife that we should be looking for. And woe to us if we're looking for anything else. Peace can be deceptive. Prayer is not a substitute for other duties. We don't just sit back and pray for a wife. In fact, whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing. Now, what does finding imply? that you've been looking, that you've been seeking, that you've been desiring. So sitting back and praying is no substitute for duties in finding a wife. Proverbs 18.22, I think, right? Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing. Proverbs 18 somewhere. I'll let you look up the pew. I'll get you in the right church. Okay, Proverbs 18 somewhere. There are two basic rules that we should have for our quest. And men, especially those of you who are at the right age, now I'm not speaking anymore to the 12 year olds or the 8 year olds, but those of you who are at the right age, there are two basic rules that you should be looking for, two basic qualities you should be looking for in a wife. Godliness and fitness. She should be a godly woman, that is to say, she should answer to the description of godliness in scripture, and she should be fitting for you. She should be someone who is going to be working with you, doing the kinds of things you like to do, going the places you like to go, doing the kind of work that you plan to do. In other words, I guess what I'm doing is trying to put a lie to the idea that opposites attract. Well, they may attract, but if they do, it's for all the wrong reasons. There should be a fitness for marriage, because marriage is characterized in scripture as a yoke. And we have, it's really humorous when you think about it, an oxen and a donkey are not to be yoked together. Well now, you know how big an ox is at the shoulders? You know how big a donkey is? We're not talking mules, we're talking donkeys, right? So, you're not even supposed to have mules. Right? Because that's the result of an illegitimate offspring. Right? A mule is a bastard offspring. So, a donkey, or an ass if you will, a donkey and an ox. Now, beloved, that's unequal yoking. Being unequally yoked does not only mean not being yoked together with unbelievers. It also means being yoked together with somebody who's not fitting for us. You know, just to give you a very Superficial example, those of us who like country and western music probably don't want to marry anybody whose passion is opera. That's superficial, but we don't want to be yoked together with someone all of our lives that have altogether different interests from us. So godliness and interests. Here's the thing to think about. mull over in your head. I'm not saying, here's the right thing, here's the wrong thing. But there are categories that you should be thinking about. First of all, reputation. What is a person's reputation? A good name is riches, right? Does the person have a reputation for godliness? Does the person have a reputation for modesty? Does the person have a reputation amongst her peers? As one, you know, she would make a really good wife for somebody. You know, if the right person came along, and I'm not speaking now in terms of who could that possibly be, but you know, legitimately, when the right person comes along, she's going to make an excellent wife. They should have that reputation. They should have the reputation already of someone who's frugal. They should have the reputation already of someone who enjoys hospitality. That is to say, who extends hospitality to others. They should be someone, in other words, who knows how to keep a home. Secondly is countenance. Now, I thought for a long time about what to call this. But you know, they should be somewhat pleasing to your eye. Now, not everyone is pleasing to everyone's eye. After all, as we say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it? But you don't want to marry someone that you just think is as ugly as soap. You don't want to do that. You want to marry someone that is pleasing to your eye. Someone that you love her countenance. And let me tell you something. Some of you already know this. But you know what? The more a woman loves the Lord, the prettier she is. It's just the way it is. I'm not saying that she's ever going to be a movie star. If she doesn't start off with equipment, she's not going to have the equipment at the end. But I'm saying that the more she loves the Lord, the prettier she'll be. Her speech. What is her speech like? What does she talk about when she can talk about anything she wants to? Is she a gossip? Is she a tattler? Does her speech turn to the things of God naturally and automatically? In fact, going back to countenance, do her eyes just light up when she's talking about the Lord? Is it something that she just can't get enough of? And by the way, you know what I did at school this week? we want to look for someone whose heart is given over altogether to the things of God. Or at least to such an extent, to such an extent that you see their eyes brighten. And you've seen eyes brighten. You may not have seen them in this context, but you've seen eyes brighten. You know what I'm talking about. Suddenly a light goes on and there's somebody home again. Apparel. Now let me explain something to you. You cannot assure true modesty by looking at someone's clothing. But you can assure true immodesty by looking at their clothing. And if a woman catches your eye because of immodest dress, that is about as wrong a reason as I can think of. Now, we may have differing views as to what is modest and immodest. You know, if I lived on a ranch, I would think that my wife and daughters should probably wear clothing that's appropriate to working on a ranch. Living in town, I think my wife and daughters ought to wear things appropriate, appropriately modest to living in town. Does that assure their modesty? Look, The reason that Jesus says in Matthew chapter 5 that a man who looks upon a maid to lust after her, notice what he says, he doesn't just say that he's sitting at home and suddenly a lustful thought pops into his mind, does he? Look with me. You have heard that it was said by them of old time, thou shalt not commit adultery, but I say unto you that whosoever looketh upon a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Now what's he saying there? He's saying, I know how men are. Men lust with their eyes. Men look upon things with an intention of lusting. And if I compare that to Isaiah 3.9, and I don't mind doing that, a haughty woman dresses so as to get men to look at her. You say, well, what is immodest dress? Let me tell you what immodest dress is. I can't define it for you in terms of inches. I can't define it for you in terms of billowing. I can't define it for you in any other way except this. And this appeals to your common sense. If you're dressing so as to appeal to the opposite sex, It's immodest. I'm not saying that's the only instance of immodesty, but certainly if you're dressing in such a way that your desire is to get men to look on you and want you, it's immodest. Is that hard? Is it stupid? It's just common sense, isn't it? I think it takes the scripture data into account. Is it possible that a young woman might dress immodestly in a naive way? Sure. Of course it is. But there she only has one problem to deal with, not two. All she has to do is buy some new clothes. Whereas the person who's dressing in an immodest way in order to attract attention has two problems to deal with. She not only has to go down to the clothier, she also has to go to the Lord to change your heart. Right? So, apparel. 1 Peter 3, 1-4. And then finally, company. Who does she enjoy being with? I mean, besides you. How many of you... I'm not going to ask you to raise your hands. No, I won't do that in a sermon like this. But how many of you keep an eye open, not just here at church, but the people you work with, the people that you're around in your neighborhood, your fellow human beings and so forth. You kind of keep an eye open to see who gravitates together. Who do you see in company with others? Do we use the word coquettery anymore? Is there such a word as that anymore? Or was there ever? Flirtatious behavior? Do you all know what flirtatious behavior is? Well, that's just absolutely forbidden. That's bad company. That's the wanton look. Do you all know what I mean by bedroom eyes? Well, good. I'm glad that some of you just have no idea what I'm talking about. That's a good thing. We should be careful that the countenance of the person that we are attracted to really is the countenance of the person that we're attracted to and not the countenance of Max Factor. You know what I'm talking about? I'm not going to say that makeup is unlawful. I don't believe that. I don't think that makeup is an unlawful thing. That's the right shoe. Now the left shoe. We need to be careful about painting our faces just for the purpose of presenting a different appearance to the world or to our friends or to our neighbors than would otherwise be the case. Again, I'm not looking around and seeing bright red lipstick or what were some of the things when I was a teenager, purple eyelids. I'm not seeing that here necessarily. And that's not the reason I'm bringing this up. I just think it's something that, just like so many times we want to turn 16 so we can drive until we find out that driving is really a chore. Children, especially young girls, I hope only young girls, look for that day when they can start wearing makeup. Because it's a sign of being grown up. Or men, men we do the same thing. Some of the younger ones here, I can't read your mind, I can't read your mind, but I'm thinking there may be some young men here who just can't wait till they start shaving. Until they find out it's a chore. I realize that there's some kind of a rite of passage that young ladies want to start wearing makeup at some age and so forth. I understand that, I hope I understand that. My only caution is, don't use it to present a face to the world that's not really you. And then fifth, and with this I'll close. I say fifth, wait a minute. You mean there was an outline? Preparation for marriage. Yeah, we should be preparing, especially those of us who have reached an age where our voices have begun to change. We should begin preparing for marriage. At what age? When your voice begins to change. when you begin to grow a little bit of stubble or even peach bust. Now, that's not saying you need to go out and start looking for a wife right away. Just the opposite. I'm saying just the opposite of that. I'm saying you need to prepare before you go out and start looking for a wife. You need to make sure that you understand how to balance a checkbook. You don't just take your checks at the end of the year into the bank and say, here, let me know when it's right. You actually know how to reconcile a bank account. In Proverbs 24, 27, wise Solomon said, prepare your field without. Take care of your flock and then afterwards build your house. I think the specific meaning there is build around our callings, not in spite of our callings, and certainly not contrary to our callings. We need to understand that for us to get married so early that it disrupts our training for our calling is to defeat, is to overthrow the purpose, or one of the purposes, one of the key purposes of marriage. And so we begin to prepare early on. May I suggest to you, and this is just downright practical advice, okay? Save money. Be frugal, because once you're married, everything costs more than you thought it would. Save money. Have money in store. In fact, if you can build a house before you get married, or within just a few years after you get married, that's the way to do it. Now I realize that we live in a day in which housing costs are just outlandish. I know that. But you should begin life economically. You should begin life frugally. And one of the main reasons, and with this I'll close. I really will. One of the main reasons why marriages fail, or at least the occasion, Not the reason. The reason is just plain sin. But the occasion upon which so many marriages fail in our country is financial. And the reason is because young people in their late teens and early twenties want to go out and have the same things that their parents have after 30 or more years of marriage. And that's just an unreasonable expectation. That's an unreasonable expectation. What you should expect is you're going to have to struggle. Now, I don't know, it may be that there are some men in this room who didn't have to struggle early in their married life. I doubt it. But part of preparation for marriage is within the context that you can, within your ability, within your means, don't expect to be where your parents were after 30 years of marriage. It may be that you come from a very well-to-do background and that when you start you'll have more than this person over here. But that's not what I'm talking about. I'm not talking about the fact that there are some people at 20 who have more than other people have at 20. There are some people at 25 who have more than other people at 25. I understand that. That's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is the temptation that you face overextend yourselves early in your marriage and put all kinds of pressure on that marriage that Too many times it can't bear So It's been a it's been a sermon already full of applications, so I don't feel like we need to go into any further uses but To recap marriage is honorable and you should be ready for marriage, you should be married for the right reasons, and it's never too soon to begin preparing, not to search for a wife, but to prepare to be a married person. Let's stand and call upon the Lord. Father, we thank Thee that Thou art indeed the God of all flesh, and that Thou hast ordained marriage not only for Christians, but for all men, but especially for Christians thou hast ordained marriage as a means of extending thy covenant from generation to generation. Thou hast ordained that we would be the parents of children and grandchildren within the covenant who call upon thy name and walk before thee in blessed holiness all the days of their lives. We pray therefore that as we consider the fact that the marriage bed is indeed honorable in all, that thou wouldst honor the young people of this church as they grow, as they give careful consideration to these things, that they would not approach these things in a flighty manner, that they would not approach these things as though it matters little to the rest of the covenant community who they do or don't marry, but that they would understand that these are momentous decisions that they make, that they are determining in large measure who they will spend the rest of their lives in friendship with. and we pray that thou would give good wisdom to know and to fulfill the duties that are incumbent upon us as we pick a wife. For we ask this in Jesus' name. Amen. You have been listening to a sermon by Dr. Richard Bacon of Faith Presbyterian Church Reformed in Mesquite, Texas. For more information on FPCR Ministries, Visit our website at www.fpcr.org or contact us by mail at 8301 Lakeview Parkway, Suite 111-164, Rowlett, TX 75088.