As we come to our meditation in the Word of God, we all know that it is Mother's Day, and those of you who are regular attendees on God's worship here know that we are also in the middle of a study on dating. Shall we date? And one of the passages that is suitable for Mother's Day is also a passage that is the basis of the sixth study out of the seven on shall we date. And so this morning I want us to aim at two targets. King Lemuel's mother is the inspired writer of what a young woman should be. How in the language of Matthew Henry, how she is to look into her looking glass, look into the mirror and with these characteristics out on the side and see that she is conforming to this image. that it is King Lemuel's mother that is speaking and that she has a vested interest in the well-being of her son. Notice what we've already seen as we read this passage, the words that his mother taught him. And her relationship to him is, what are you doing, my son? son of my womb, son of my vows, implying that there is the closest of relationships that exists between this mom, and it's not just someone who came from her womb, but it is someone that in her dealings with God, she said, my God, this is how I'm going to raise this son. Notice something of her focus. She speaks to her son of the danger of bad women. Do not give your strength to women. She's obviously not opposed to the females because she's gonna come along and speak of the ideal female. She speaks to her son of the danger of wine and strong drink. And you may argue and say, well, it's not an absolute abstinence, that's not fitting with the rest of the Bible, and that is true enough. But this mom is arguing from the standpoint of you have a responsible position in society and I don't want your judgment to ever be clouded. So be careful. And then she speaks. Not only are you to make sure that you don't imbibe to the point where you have cloudy judgment, she speaks of those that are depending on him as king. She speaks of the defense of those who are in danger, how he is to defend the rights of the poor and the needy. But her largest message here in Proverbs 31 is that of a good and excellent wife, an excellent wife who can find. Now, if we just turn in our minds, asking ourselves the question of, well, who is the predominant author? of the Book of Proverbs? And we answer, well, it's Solomon. Everybody knows that. But it's a little striking to consider that Agur, Lemuel, may be a foreign king, certainly a lesser known king, and yet God puts it in the hands, not of Solomon with his thousand women, but God puts it in the hands of this godly mother to be giving us a glimpse of what a Christian woman should be. Further think that if she is a foreigner, if she were really a foreigner, then this means that she learned the Hebrew language well enough for her to come up with her all of bathe gemaldoleth her ABCD in the Hebrew language in which these 22 verses are structured so that young men can remember all 22 verses and young women can remember all 22 verses. Well, Mother's Day, shall we date? I trust that I have demonstrated that I have the permission of the woman used to speak out inspired description of womanhood on Mother's Day. that this mom is very interested, she is keenly interested in the kind of woman that her son is going to marry. It's obviously very important to her. She's interested in who is going to be the mother of her grandchildren. Larger than that, she is interested in the fear of God being promoted to the next generation. So moms, may I have your permission to aim at two targets this morning? as we consider Proverbs 31. Just notice with me quickly the happy marriage house, the label across the top. That's what we want. That's what we're working towards. Surely all of us can appreciate it's something of its importance. We've seen a critique. of contemporary American dating. We've seen the various biblical methods this morning. We take up what would normally be number six in the study. We take up Proverbs 31. So come with me as you have your handout sheet in front of you if you care to use it. The root of her character. The root of her character. First of all, A, two common mistakes on a woman's worth, Proverbs 31 and verse 30. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain. but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Now we're gonna be predominantly here in Proverbs 31. I encourage you to have your Bible open so that you can follow along and see the words in the text. First of all, these two common mistakes, there was number one, a rejection of deceptive charm. Now what is charm? Well, we're told that it is deceitful. Proverbs 5, the author there speaks of a lovely deer, a graceful doe. If you think of some large lizard, And then you think of a female deer, which one is more graceful? Which one moves with greater ease? Well, this is something of the word, charm, favor. Perhaps the way that she moves, it seems to have something to do with more of the external characteristics. Deceptive speaks of the disappointment of a young man putting all of his hopes in the way this girl moves, in the way that she interacts. This charm can be a liar because it may not always be there. There is secondly, a second mistake And the proverb here in verse 30 brings a rejection of breath-like beauty. Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing. Literally, beauty is a puff of air. It's the same message of Ecclesiastes that life apart from God is as significant as that last puff of air. Where did it go? Beauty does not last. The word beauty is used in Esther chapter one and verse 11. Queen Vashti was ordered by the king to wear a crown and to come and to show her beauty to the people and the officials for she was beautiful to behold. Proverbs six and verse 25. concerning the bad woman, the immoral woman, do not desire her beauty in her heart and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes. Passing, it's as significant as a bit of breath. Be thoughtful about what you consider to be attractive, young men. Be deliberate in training yourself to be attracted, not to physical beauty which fades, but to the fruit of the spirit. If you talk to people who've been married for 30, 40, or 50 years, they'll tell you that there are aspects of their spouse, not just physically, but in terms of their character, that are exactly as they remember them. Part of their character, part of the character of a Christian woman should be refined and will be refined by the Spirit. The amount of the fruit of the Holy Spirit in a growing Christian walk is going to be greater than what it was in the beginning. but beauty fades with age, both for men and for women. Now, in the interest of balance, please understand these words come in their original sense of a spoken as an absolute when it's really a relative. When Jesus says, if anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Jesus is not telling us to actually hate our families. But he is saying when it comes to ranking our love for family and our love for God, that plainly our love for God is to be supreme. We carry that over to the young man looking for a wife. There is that character of the heart, and there is that external beauty. There is that charm, and there is to be plainly a priority that is put on the character. Phillips, for such a woman, even her beauty is a disgrace. Talking about the beautiful woman, is like a gold ring and a pig snout. Such a woman, even her beauty is a disgrace and its luster is soon tarnished by her lack of character. Rule out all women who do not display godly character. The charm and beauty are set in contrast to the fear of God at the end of Proverbs 31. Notice secondly with me, B, not only the two common mistakes, but now the foundation and the source of the woman's worth. Again, verse 30, charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord will be praised. Now, very often, men will put physical beauty at the top of their list, and if they're a professing Christian, well, I need to put godliness in here somewhere, so it's down at the bottom. If that's the way your list is, then it is suggested you take your sheet and turn it over. and have godliness at the top. Notice this fear of the Lord. Fearing the Lord is the essence of Old Testament Christianity. Notice that the fear here of the Lord is going to bring about the praise of her husband and others. Hallel, the root word of hallelujah. There is good speaking of this woman who fears the Lord. What is fearing God? Fearing God is an all-pervasive sense of God's presence. It is an all-pervasive sense of who God is. And it is an all-pervasive sense of my obligation to God. I understand from the Bible who God is. He made me. He laid down the Ten Commandments for me. He has offered me Jesus as my, that's who God is. God is always with me. I can go to the remotest part of the earth and God is there with his hand on me. Psalm 139. In an all-pervasive sense of obligation to God, wherever I am, at whatever point in my life, I am accountable to the God who made me. Further, this fearing God, this fearing the Lord continues into the New Testament. Those who say that fearing God is just something in the Old Testament need to read some verses like 1 Timothy Peter, I'm sorry, 1 Peter 1, 17, conduct yourselves with fear. throughout the time of your exile here. 2 Corinthians 7 and verse 1. Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and the spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God. What's the fear of God there? An all-pervasive sense of who He is. an all-pervasive sense of where he is, right here with me, and an all-pervasive sense of my obligation to him. So we look for biblical reality, not perfection. There is no perfection in this world, but we look for the reality here and a growing part of that reality. So having seen Roman numeral one, the root of her character, notice with me number two, the particulars of her character. The particulars of her character. First of all, and we'll start with a W for our wisdom, are wisdom with two S's. Her practical wisdom. Verse 26. Look at the text if you would. 31, 26 of Proverbs. She opens her mouth with wisdom. What is wisdom? Wisdom is the skill of building something. Wisdom is the skill that Bezalel had in building the tabernacle. to make something beautiful. And wisdom is the skill that you and I have of building a life that looks good, building a life that is worth something, building a life that is for the glory of God. She opens her mouth with wisdom. The way that she talks exemplifies that she is concerned about building a life for the glory of God. This is not a flighty, shallow person who lives in a bubble world. She has learned from God's book, and she is learning from God's book, and she is learning from others, and she has wisdom. And so others will be, her peers will be looking to her for advice. This is a very capable woman, as we're going to see over and over again in these verses. but she is keen to glorify God with her life. Listen to Phillips again. No husband can effectively lead a home without the active and practical assistance of his wife. The woman's submission is a reflection of her belief in God's sovereignty, goodness, and wisdom, and shows how her faith has freed her to escape the bonds of fear. Feminine submission is ongoing, it is active. It is a gift that a woman offers to the man that she has vowed to love and obedience to God who first loved her. It's not that she is absolutely dependent on the man so that she can know how to think. She's making money on her various ventures. She is able to buy land. She is a very capable woman, and yet nonetheless, she is happy to embrace her God-given role right next to her husband, her husband who is in the gates, and they are working together as friends on the same team. Secondly, B, her enterprising industry, W-I, her enterprising industry. Let's look again at the text. You see the categories of her work. You'll find her clothing, or the clothing of others as talked about there in verse 13, verse 19, verse 22. Her work, getting up early, traveling a distance, The work of food, verse 13. Verse 15, her working on her character, verse 28. Verse 16, her agricultural work, where she's buying a field, she's planting a vineyard. Then there is her cottage factory, verse 18. There are those products that she is making. She has dealings with the merchants. And on top of all of this, her benevolence in verse 20. Her hand goes out to the poor. It goes out to the needy. So there's the categories of her work. Now notice the manner of her work. How does she do it? Well, she's other oriented. This in verse 15, verse 20, verse 21, verse 27a. What's the manner of, how does she work? She is diligent and she's disciplined. Verse 15a, verse 18b, verse 21, verse 27. How does she work? Well, she works in a sense like God who looked back over creation and he saw that it was all very good. And in verse 18a, she is satisfied with what she has done, what she has accomplished. Now notice with me how different her work is from the career woman of modern feminism. She is different in the kinds of work that she will do. She'll do anything, from the highest down to the lowest. It's different in the focus of her work. She plainly identifies with her man. She embraces her role. She has a different focus. It's a focus, yes, it is agricultural, yes, it's a factory, but in her little cottage or big cottage. Titus 2 and verse 5, working at home, it is advised in a different version that she is a home worker. So she is not a slouch. She is not someone who stays home and is able to take in all of the social media, all of the soap operas, depending on your age. Mulvihill. Scripture never speaks highly of idleness. The sluggard who loves to sleep can anticipate financial challenges in the future. A hardworking person is desirable as a spouse. What is a potential date's work ethic? What are his or her aspirations and ambitions? What kind of work ethic? Are you seeking to develop, young woman? What kind of work ethic are you developing, young man, and are you looking for in a potential life mate? Thirdly, C, her emotional strength, W-I-S, strength. Now verse 25, strength and dignity are her clothing. The sense of the word strength is that of might and power. Job speaks, 12, 16, with him, with God are strength and prudence. Proverbs 24, 5, a wise man is full of strength. and a man of knowledge enhances his might. There is a strength that flows from living. What are we going to do? What are the principles that guide you? I'm going to follow God, and I'm strong in my commitment. There is an emotional strength, an emotional strength that depends on God's sovereignty. Again, young women, See how King Lemuel's mom wanted him to marry a woman of true strength. Bridges writes, Christian courage and resolution lift her up above appalling difficulties. The Lord gives help. All of us are going to experience trials in life. but it's very important to have a friend in the home, a teammate who is marked by strength. It's the opposite of an unwillingness to accept difficulties. This can't happen. This should never happen to someone like me. It's exemplified in the two margarets among the Covenanters. They would not bow to ungodly pressures put on the church in that day. There was an older Margaret, about 70, I believe, and there was another Margaret who was but a teen. And as the tide is coming in, they tied the older woman to a pole out deeper in the water. so that the younger woman, now tied to a pole in closer in, as the tide comes in, it's going to drown her first. You watch her being drowned, and then you'll give in to our ungodly pressures. Yes, older Margaret did die, and so did the young Margaret as well. a strength of character, I will not give in when God's honor is on the line. And notice that she is clothed with strength. This is not a special occasion prom dress, but it's the everyday common dress. Feminine beauty is furthermore quiet. This refers to a peace or tranquility arising from within. It is a peace that comes from trusting God's promises and God's character. This kind of inner beauty finds its resources and hope in God alone, the woman whose beauty is within, who relies on the Lord alone for her portion and her cup. What has she to fear? Nothing. Fourthly, D, her elegant stylishness. Two S's in our wisdom. Her elegant stylishness, verse 22. Are you there with me? Verse 22, the latter part. Her clothing is fine linen and purple. Now, this is a king's mother. So maybe we think that's appropriate. But she doesn't talk about this as only the wife of a king, because this wife is envisioned as having a husband who speaks in the gates. Maybe not so much ruling over a land, but having influence in the local city. Her clothing is fine linen. We have Peter saying, do not let your adornment as a wife be merely outward, arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel. Rather, let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is very precious in the sight of God. Her clothing is fine linen. It's purple. But that's not to get out of hand. Her clothing is as well this strength that we've already seen. There may be something of a pendulum swing, but may we read this and observe the balance that God and King Lemuel's mom wants to be there in King Lemuel's wife. Don't find one biblical principle and then isolate it and grow it out large, isolated from the rest of what the Bible is saying. Since beauty is so dangerous, should women strive to be plain and homely? Is this their mark of spirituality? Hardly. Women were made for beauty. But a wise woman bestows her beauty as a gift instead of using it as a weapon. Her beauty is from God and she exercises it in stewardship to Him. Women should thus take care of their beauty inwardly and outwardly. Now, please don't take this proverb as a guarantee that you will always have fine linen and purple. or your color of choice. This is one who is industrious, one is blessed by God, and one who has a husband who is a leader and sitting in the gates. E, her merited dignity. Verse 25a, her merited, her earned dignity. verse 25, strength and honor are her clothing. We've looked at the strength. Let's look at this dignity, this honor. And the word here is a word that speaks of an ornament or a decoration. It's used of God's son, Psalm 45 and verse four, in your majesty ride out victoriously. It's used of young men, Proverbs 20 and verse 29. No, it's used of old men. The glory of young men is their strength and the splendor, the decoration, the ornament of old men is their gray hair. Hopefully the gray hair speaks of accumulation of wisdom through all of the hard knocks of life. So here, it is a grace that is spoken of. It's an honor. It's a dignity. It's a badge of respect that is earned by her character. She's industrious. She takes care of her maidens. She's up early to do that. She's involved in her farming. She is involved in her vineyards. She's involved in, and yet she stretches her hand out to the poor, and people respect her for that. The clothing of honor stamps her with the Lord's acceptance as his faithful servant, the child of his grace, and the heir of glory. This is just the opposite of one who is a hypocrite, Well, what's a hypocrite? A hypocrite is one who says one thing and does the opposite. The hypocrite, literally and from the beginning, is that big burly man with a deep voice who holds a mask of a little girl in front of his face and then projects his voice to be goldilocks. It's pretense. And this is a woman who is real. This is a woman who has honor as her daily clothing. Then F, notice her Christian optimism. Our O, in wisdom, her Christian optimism. Notice in verse 25, she laughs, at the time to come. And you and I may think that that is a strange thing, but if we think of two different, very different personalities, start talking to one young woman about the future, and immediately they start getting nervous and fearful. Oh no, this bad thing is gonna happen, and that might happen, and this might happen, and the other might happen. Which one? Well, all of them are going to happen. No, this is one who looks at the future and she's able to laugh about it. Good is going to come. And it's right for the ESV to go from the new American standard that she smiles at the future, and the new King James, she shall rejoice in time to come. Both of those are true. But there's a war horse in Job 39 and verse 19. God is saying, have you given the horse its strength? Have you clothed his neck with thunder? Can you frighten him like a locust? His majestic snorting strikes terror. He paws in the valley and rejoices in strength. He gallops into the clash of arms. He mocks at fear and is not frightened. And that word mocks at fear is our word for laughs. Now, a lot of horses, when they hear commotion, they want to go away from it. But here's a war horse who hears it, has a sense of what's going to happen, and he's chomping at the bit, let me go, let me go into the battle. So here is a God-fearing woman. She is trusting in God. and therefore able to smile at the future, able to laugh at the future. Proverbs 3 and verse 5. Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes. Fear the Lord and turn away from evil. Romans 8 and verse 28. And we know that for those who love God, all things work together for good. For those who are called according to his purpose. God's grace has come to this woman. There has been a strengthening of her natural timidity. And so she is able to laugh at the future. She's able at least to look out to the future and say, my God has been in charge from eternity past. He will be in charge in eternity future. He has been in charge yesterday and he will be in charge tomorrow. I trust him. Now this is not the arrogant. the arrogant self-confidence of a feminist whose trust is in herself and in womanhood. This is the Christian confidence of one who is trained in faith in God. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? The other side, Proverbs 28.1, the wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion. Gee, her gracious manner, wisdom, her gracious manner. Latter part of verse 26, she opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. her gracious manner. She has to talk to those merchants. She has to talk to the poor. She has to talk to her husband. She has to talk to her children. She has to talk to all in her life. And what is it like? What's the manner? Well, she's gracious in her manner. The teaching of kindness is on her tongue, more literally, on her tongue is the law of kindness. And it may mean that she has put a law. This is how you're going to talk. Or it's simply that she has imbibed this and she opens her mouth with wisdom and on her tongue is a law of kindness, of covenant faithfulness, but somehow this kindness, this hesed that is behind God and his covenant, that has impacted this woman who bears the image of God, and she is not a hard gal. not the control woman, not the control girl, a recent title. This is not an emotional, angry, vengeful individual. This is one who is composed. An honored tongue is the law of kindness, James writes. If the person you are interested in has a lying or abrasive tongue, scratch him or her off your list immediately. Have you noticed an increased level of conflict with your family and friends since you started dating someone? Is he or she often at the center of those conflicts? Maybe you're dating a fool. because fools are always surrounded by a thundercloud of strife. And the feminist movement, the feminist movement is offended by biblical Christianity. This is why they speak of woman names God. They will not stand for Adam naming his wife Eve. There has been this approach to take feminism here and Christianity here and we're going to merge them together. But if feminism has at its roots woman names God. I urge you to give up the effort of trying to merge those thinkings that are so different. But our culture is taking little girls and hardening them into competitive driven beings who must succeed at any cost. Another one of their views is that mutant little male is just a hangover from the past. No. There is this kindness. There is this graciousness. There is the teaching of kindness that is on her tongue. Roman numeral three. We've seen something of the root of her character. We've seen the particulars of her character. The wisdom in this woman. And we come now, thirdly, to see the result of her character. Notice, first of all, she will be a blessing to her children. Moms, moms-to-be, want your children to say, my mom was a blessing to me. They are blessed under her care, construction, and her example. Proverbs 31, verse 28, so got your Bible open? Her children rise up and call her blessed. Her husband also, and he praises her. What a wonderful thing to have a God-fearing woman whose character is so exemplary. I honor the memory of my late mother. She was limited into a whole lot of theology that she did not have the privilege to learn or even hear about. But what she did know, she embraced. And there are things that still guide me today from the way that she lived and the way that she gave expression to some of her commitments. You just can't do that. This is right and that is wrong. She dismissed the easy but sinful way out. They bear witness of their sense of privilege. See the children here speaking in verse 28. They're well enough instructed, either by the Spirit of God or by those very mothers, that they rise up and call her blessed. There's a sense of gratitude that is found in those who would be natively selfish. Young man, Where are you going to find this kind of mother for your children? This kind of mother that your children will rise up and call her blessed. This godly woman will provide ballast in the ship. You are friends together in the home. You are teammates together in the home. She will bring a sense of right. She will bring a sense of kindness, a sense of principle. Secondly, B, she will be a blessing to her husband. An excellent wife, who can find? She's far more precious than jewels. That's verse 10. Verse 11, the heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good. and not harm all the days of her life. Now most of us in our youth have no idea how critically important it is to be married to someone who's got the kind of character and the kind of strength that they can be committed to our good all the days of their lives. There are going to be hard situations. Your sin is going to erupt. How will this woman respond? Phillips, because of the curse, feminine sin involves disrespect towards her husband, challenging for control. belittling comments, incessant nagging, exploiting his weaknesses, and all in the place of godly respect and helpful companionship. The man must strive against her for headship, for respect, and for the rule that God gave him over the relationship. Listen to Proverbs 14. The wisest of women builds her house, but Folly, with her own hands, tears it down. It reminds me of those marriage partners in the boat wherein they're antagonistic towards one another. I don't like you. I don't like what you've done. Give me my drill. I'm going to drill a hole in your boat. She will be a blessing to her husband. She does him good all the days of her life. Thirdly, C, she will be a blessing to herself. Where the community looks on and says, wow, lady, you do a lot of work. Wow, lady, you do a lot of work for others. Take time for the poor. Her children call her blessed. Her husband says, many daughters have done well. You excel them all. God's writer says, give her the praise. Give her own works. Praise her in the gates. So we end this morning where we began with the fear of God, starting out with faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and that moves towards commitment and an obedience to the God of heaven. The believing woman will be praised by her children, by her husband, by her community, and by the God of the universe. because at the great and final day, Jesus tells us that the master will speak to his servants saying, well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little here in this world. I will set you over much in the world to come. Enter into the joy of your master. Let's pray. Father, we thank you for the way that you've given us the Scriptures. What an amazing thing if this really is a foreign mother of a king that you're using to breathe out biblical principles for womanhood. And we see how contrary what you have breathed out to what feminism is breathing into the ears of young women. And we pray, our God, that a priority will be given to you. We pray that there will be the kind of confidence in you as our God, as our creator, as our redeemer. that there will be a total comfort of saying, I'm going in the direction of God. I want to be this kind of woman, the kind of woman that may not be praised by feminism, but will be praised by her children, her husband, her community, and her God. Lord, we know that this is your business. We pray that you will grant repentance, that you will grant faith in your son, and we pray that you will change young lives and make them to be conformed to your image. We pray for young men, that they'll come alongside of King Lemuel and say, I want to listen too. I want to know what to look for in a woman to be the mother of my children, my wife. And we pray our God for those who are moms that they won't be offended as we glance to the future that they, like King Lemuel's mother, We'll be glad for the opportunity of these principles to be highlighted and held out for women to be compared to this standard and younger women encouraged to dress by this mirror, by this looking glass. We pray, oh God, that you'll do our hearts good. We pray it in Christ's name, amen.