Ephesians 6. And while we're coming more specifically to verse 4, I want to back up and read verses 1 to 4. Ephesians 6, beginning with verse 1. Children, obey your parents and the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment, with promise, that it may be well with you, and you may live long on the earth. And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. Let's pray. Our Father, as we've considered the exhortations to children over the last two weeks and now turn the corner to parents. We pray your blessing upon this your word for we ask in Jesus name, amen. Well, as I've said, we've considered the exhortations of Paul to children over the last previous weeks, and so we come now to begin a short consideration of his exhortations to parents in verse 4. Now, if you notice, verse 4 actually has two parts. There's a negative, and you fathers, provoke not your children to wrath. and a positive, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. And so, because the text nicely and neatly divides itself between those two parts, the negative and positive, we'll come this morning to consider the negative, provoke not your children to wrath, and then reserve the positive for next week. So I want to actually come then to the first part of verse four and pause negative instruction to the parents. and use the same outline or divisions that I used last week. First, I want to give a simple explanation of the phrase. I want to expand upon it and provide five ways that we're not to provoke our children to wrath. or five remedies against provoking them, I guess would be a better way, and then close with some applications in the form of a couple helps or suggestions. So we have the text explained, expanded, and thirdly applied. Notice first explained, verse four. And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath. Now, before we go further, I want to here answer the question, why does PAW specifically mention fathers? And let me just suggest a couple quick reasons. First, because they're the head of the house. And so as head of homes, they have a primary responsibility to ensure that the house runs smoothly. For this reason, officers, both elders and deacons, must be those, 1 Timothy 3, who rule their own house well. Now remember, brethren, that the qualifications of an elder and deacon as found in 1 Timothy 3, they're generic qualifications that are also incumbent upon all Christians. The only thing that's different is the elder has to have to gifts, and that is he has to be apt to teach and he has to be able to rule in such a way that would roll over into his governance of the church. But all the other character traits of elders and deacons spelled out in 1 Timothy 3 are generic and they're also thusly applicable or incumbent upon all Christians. The point is, is that what all Christians should be, elders and deacons must be. And I think this is why in the first place, Paul specifies fathers. But secondly, because they're uniquely tempted in this area, that is to provoke their children to wrath. Husbands are told to cherish their wives because they have a tendency, at least potentially not to. Wives are told to respect their husbands, because at least potentially they're tempted not to. And fathers are told not to provoke their children to wrath. It's a common temptation for husbands. to be unkind to their wives. It's a common temptation for wives not to respect their husbands. And brethren, I think we can say as men who are married with children, who are fathers, that it is a rather common temptation for us to provoke our children to wrath. I trust it goes without saying that in specifying fathers, Paul doesn't mean that it's in no way the responsibility of mothers. And he's mentioned that earlier. If you remember back in verse one, obey your parents, that is obey your father and mother. And then he specifically says that in verse two, honor your father and mother. So what he's saying here of verse four of fathers, it does apply, brethren, to wives. But it uniquely or especially applies to fathers. And that's how I want to look at verse four today and next Sunday. It does specifically speak to fathers, because fathers, sadly, are prone to provoke their children to wrath. and perhaps even more to the point, they are the heads of their homes and they're responsible for their households. All that takes place in the home, ultimately speaking, is their responsibility. And that's why, if there's an issue in the home, it's my own personal practice to largely, though not exclusively, to address the father. Now brethren, if this is so, and it is, then this means that it's not primarily the church's responsibility to raise children. This, of course, has become rather popular, hasn't it, in the last, what, 40 years, 50 years maybe, where you have a youth pastor who's responsible to take care of the children. No, the position of youth pastor has been established a long time previous to that and that in the office of father. Fathers are the youth pastors of their homes. Now, yes, the church can help, the church can aid, the church can and ought assist. I'm right now, the last two Sundays I spoke to the children and I was trying to help the children to understand how and why they ought to obey and honor their parents. But brethren, that's not for mostly the responsibility of the church. And it's definitely not for mostly the responsibility of the state. Irrespective if you use public education to any extent, ultimately speaking, it's still the responsibility of raising children on all levels lies in the home. And yes, brethren, especially upon the heads of fathers, Now stop and think about it. If fathers are absolutely essential to the well-being of a household, how tragic is it in our country, you know, that out of four babies born, out of four babies born, at least one of the four are born into a fatherless home. Fully one quarter of all the babies born today, tomorrow, and the next day will be born by single women. Now, brethren, many of you know my testimony that I contributed to that stat, sadly and tragically. But brethren, it's a very, very evil and wicked thing. Fathers are absolutely essential for the well-being of a household. And I know that from my own experience, I know it from the overall teaching of the Bible, but if we had no other text than Ephesians 6.4, we could prove it, couldn't we? Why is it that our country is in the mess that it is in many ways, but because of this very fact. Women are having babies out of wedlock, and sadly and tragically, our country rewards them for it. I just saw an interview with a woman that's in charge in one of our big cities of Section 8 housing, that's welfare housing. And she says she has about 80 people that she's helping now to get subsidized housing. And they're all women with multiple babies from multiple men. And she said originally this started with the goal to help them who need a hand up. and to get them on their feet and to get them into a place where they can provide for themselves. But then the interviewer asked her, well, how often does that happen? She said, it's only happened in 20 years since I've been working in this job twice. Two times has somebody got on Section 8 and then got off it. Brother, it's not a small thing if you think about it. The billions of dollars that our country spends wickedly and foolishly every year on welfare, it's contrary to the scriptures and it's even contrary to our texts. You should never reward a young lady for making babies out of wedlock. But that's the, that's the tragedy of our present situation. Fathers are absolutely, exceedingly important. Listen to J. Adams. The reason the apostle addresses the fathers is that what the mothers do, the father is responsible for. In addressing the fathers, he's addressing the one in whom God has vested his authority for discipline. The father is the head of the home. The father is the one who ultimately must answer to God for what happens in his home. And again, that's illustrated, isn't it, in Adam and Eve? Technically, Eve sinned previous to Adam, but why is it that Adam bears the brunt of the responsibility? Because he's the head of the house. He's also the head of the human race. But he was the head of his household. In all, brethren, in some ways. And I know that sometimes women can have babies out of wedlock before they're Christian, or they can have a deadbeat dad. There's a lot of things. I'm not throwing them all under the bus. And many of these ladies are doing great jobs in raising their babies. But brethren, here's the basic premise. Fathers are exceedingly important for the overall health and prosperity of families. And this is what our text teaches us. Now, the basic meaning of the phrase hinges upon one single Greek compound word that's translated in, I think, all of our translations, provoke to wrath. It's negative. Provoke not to wrath, but it's provoking to wrath. It literally means to entice or inflame to anger. It refers to any behavior that would unfairly create an angry response on the part of the child, that would entice or tempt, that's what's meant by provoke, to tempt or entice the child to sin, and in particular here to sin in becoming angry. Now, this obviously doesn't mean that parents are to never do anything that may anger their child. That's obviously a very foolish approach to parenting. Well, whatever I do or say, I just want to make sure that my child's happy and if he gets or she gets angry, oh, sorry, Daddy didn't mean that. You need to go clean your room. No, you can't have a third chocolate cupcake. And then she gets mad and stomps her feet and gets angry. And then they say, OK, OK, sorry. Sorry, Daddy, sorry. Here, you can have a third. Obviously, brother, we would abhor anything like that. But if that was the case, then children might rightly tell their parents never to discipline them at all, because that might make them angry. No, but what Paul does mean here, brethren, is that parents, and fathers in particular, are not to treat their children in any unjust way that would arouse them to sinful or carnal anger. Parents, and especially daddies or fathers, are not to treat their children in any way that would tempt them to sin, and here in particular, to sinful or carnal anger. Now, James in part provides the reason, if you remember back in James 1.20, for the wrath of man doesn't produce the righteousness of God. Don't provoke your children to sinful carnal wrath because that sinful carnal wrath will never achieve the righteousness that God intends. Now again, this doesn't deny that if our children become sinfully angry, that ultimately, if they become sinfully angry, it doesn't deny that ultimately it's their fault. Because ultimately speaking, sin is to be attributed to the sinner. But, remember what Jesus said in Luke 17.1, it's impossible that no offenses should come, but woe to him through whom they come. He's basically saying there will be people who attempt you. And those who tempt you will be responsible for their behavior. But if you succumb to that temptation and sin, you're responsible. Children, here's my point. If your father or mother sinfully provokes you to wrath, you're responsible for becoming sinfully angry or wrathful. That doesn't negate that your parents will be responsible before God for tempting you to become sinfully angry or wrathful. So while it's impossible that no temptations to come, the one through whom they come are responsible. That's what Jesus means there in Luke 17 1, and that's my point. Now, I want to turn you to two books further into Colossians, where Paul has a similar statement that sheds a little light on our present text. Remember, Colossians is a sister epistle, very similar to Ephesians, and we have a similar but shorter domestic code here in Colossians 3.18. parents in all things for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. Now there's a couple of things that are different here that I think sheds light upon this phrase as we find it back in our text. One, in verse 21, he says, fathers do not provoke. Now, the old King James has to wrath, but that's added. So it actually is, as you find it in the new King James, fathers do not provoke your children. Now, obviously, they're not to provoke their children to wrath. But that's not what Paul here says. He goes on to say, last, Do not provoke, do not tempt your children lest they become discouraged. So I think what Paul is doing is saying that there's largely two ways in which your children will respond to you provoking them. They're either gonna respond with anger or they're gonna respond with discouragement. Now it's possible, and this is why the King James has added the phrase to wrath, that in becoming angry, they're going to become discouraged because they've sinned again and now their hearts are all in disruption and their affections are misplaced. And this obviously, brethren, would lead them, wouldn't it, to discouragement? So I don't have any problem wedding them together, but I think it's best just to keep it as it is. There's basically two reasons why, if we combine these two passages, we ought not to provoke our children. One, because they're going to become angry, or else two, they're going to become discouraged. Now the word translated discouraged means to lose heart or to feel like giving up. The imagery is that of the wind being taken from the sail. The implication is a discouraged child gives up and no longer tries to obey his parents, Ephesians 6, 1, or honor his father, mother, Ephesians 6, verses 2 and 3. And so Paul tells us not to provoke our children, and that's clear both in Ephesians 6 and Colossians 3. Do not provoke your children in such a way that you tempt them to respond in a sinfully, carnal, angry way, which will inevitably leave them discouraged, downcast, and depressed. All right, now that's the simple explanation of the text. I think we all can see the meaning of it in general. Now the next point brings us to the expansion upon it. And here I want to expand upon Paul's negative exhortation by suggesting five ways not to provoke your child to wrath. five ways not to provoke your child to wrath and thus discouragement. Number one, be consistent and disciplined. And I think this is a rather sad but constant way in which many parents do provoke or tempt their children, both the anger and discouragement. We are simply inconsistent particularly in the application of the rod. You spank them today for what you overlooked yesterday. One day you allow them to act in any old way they want with no or little ramifications and then the next day you discipline them for the smallest infraction. And brethren, if I can speak freely, because I have raised five babies, let me just say that these five points that we're going to be considering here under this second head, I didn't get them from books, though you'll find them in good books. But these are just reflections of an older preacher, I guess I could use that language now, or of a father who's now a grandfather. These are things that I would have done better. And I'm hopeful to communicate to you, younger ones especially, so that you won't make the same mistakes that I made. So if I can say rather plainly and humbly, I think one of the reasons we do this, if not the foremost, is because we're lazy. We know that the child is sinning. We've told the child not to do it, and it's doing it. But here's the problem. If we're going to administer the rod every time, and I'm thinking especially when the child is younger, every time that there's a clear-cut sin or transgression of the command, then that will mean, in certain seasons of life, you'll be administering the rod a whole lot. Because you have to take the child, if you're gonna do it rightly, and not just get angry and throw a pillow at the child, which would be the worst thing, well, I mean, sure, there's worse things than that, but nevertheless, just lash out at the child. No, because if you're gonna administer the rod, as we'll see next week, God willing, You have to, what, take the child away from its surrounding, bring it to an isolated, safe, quiet place where you can communicate to the little villain, cute as they may be, its specific crimes. This is why daddy is going to administer the rod, because daddy told you to do this and you didn't. This is ultimately a violation of the fifth commandment, and daddy's going to administer the rod. And then you spank the child in proper proportion to the nature of the crime. And then you hug the baby, the child, and you draw it near to your breast. And then if it's a little child, maybe you hold his hands or you bring it to your lap. And then you say, let us pray and ask for forgiveness. So that the child gets not only the administration of the law, but also the promises of the gospel. Now, brethren, if you're gonna do that, rightly so, that's gonna take five minutes easy. And if the child's a little older, maybe there's some verbal correction and instruction. Now you're looking at seven, eight, 10 minutes. I can remember when our children were little and we were in that spanking stage. It felt like that's all we did all day long. And my wife sometimes would feel frustrated because she would say to me, honey, I didn't do anything today. All I did was discipline the children. Sweetie, that's a whole lot. Well, I didn't make supper. No problem. I'll throw something on the grill. I didn't do any laundry. We have mountains down there of dirty clothing. No problem, sweetie, I'll wear the same clothes again. Or else in our case, because we both, she homeschooled and I worked at home, most of the time, if I was home, she was sending the children up to me. And I could think to myself, I'm not getting any work done. Every time I just get into the text and I'm starting to type a little bit of my sermon, here comes somebody, and there's a phone. I hear the child coming up the steps, and then my phone rings. I know of certainty why. Yes, sweetie. Yeah, she's coming. OK. Thank you. And now for the next 5, 10, sometimes more, minutes, I'm no longer able to work, but I'm forced to administer the rod in a controlled, loving manner. But brother, remember fathers. This is a part of the job. This is the part of our responsibility. It's not just to make sermons, in my case, for you to work wherever. It's not just for the mom to homeschool and to cook and to clean and to do laundry and to do the garden and do all the other things she does. It's not like, brethren, those are the main things and this is just something less important. No, this is equally important. And so what happens is we know, don't we, that if we just act like we don't see it, just turn a blind eye, because if we turn and see the child doing it, now we're faced with a dilemma. And what happens sometimes is what? We're tempted, if not to turn a blind eye and act like we didn't see it, We then began to barter with the child. Sweetie, did you do what mommy told you not to do? And then we do what? Well, if you do that again, and then if you do it three more times, and then what happens sometimes is what? We respond in frustration eventually because we didn't correct the child properly the first time, so now we're second, third, and fourth time. So instead of responding the way in which we ought, bringing the child somewhere separate by themselves and explaining to them all this process that I've just exemplified, we what? We just spank them right there, or just take them to the side and swat them on the rear end, and then send them back in the living room. Brother, I hope I'm not the only one. I suspect, well, let me put it this way. I know I'm not the only one. But brethren, this is one way in which we can provoke our children to wrath and that is being inconsistent, particularly in the application of discipline. Now, remember when the children get older, praise God, there's gonna come a time when you don't always have to use or only use the rod. You can now take them to the side and you can simply discipline them through verbal correction. But that still takes just as long. Now let me just say as an aside, because I'm gonna come back to this. If all of this is true, then be judicious in establishing clear cut laws in the home. Because whatever you make into a law, you have to enforce. But we'll come back to that. Martinoi Jones said, there's no worse type of parent than he who one day is in a kindly mood, is indulgent, and allows a child to do almost anything at once, but who the next day flares up in a rage if the child does scarcely anything at all. That makes life impossible for the child. Now in all of these, I do want to at least mention briefly how it's in contrast to our Heavenly Father. Brother, can you imagine how terrible it would be if our Heavenly Father would change from day to day in the way that he dealt with us? No, our Heavenly Father, brethren, is perfectly consistent, both in his expectation and application of the rod. What's wrong yesterday is wrong today. And if it's wrong today, it's going to be wrong tomorrow. Brethren, all of us know very clearly, don't we, what God expects of us. And we know the consequences if we disobey. That's a healthy relationship. And happy is the home where the children are clearly informed as to what they're expected. And they know full well, when they violate the law, they're going to have consequences or there's going to be discipline taken. Number two. And a lot of these are overlap with each other. Number two, have clear expectations. Another sure way to provoke our children to wrath and discouragement is to confuse them with respect to what it is that we expect from them. Now there's a couple ways this is done. Number one, fail to have any expectations. Simply leave your child to him or herself. We fail to make clear what's expected from them. We don't give them any clear guidelines as to what we expect. Brethren, children need guidelines. They need to know clearly what they can and can't do. Can you imagine? Have you ever had an employee or an employer that doesn't clearly specify what he or she expects from you? And you go to work and you're just standing there looking at each other, what are we supposed to be doing today? Brethren, it's far better to have clearly specified expectations. I know what I have to do, get out of my way, give me a shovel, give me a typewriter, give me whatever it is that I'm using to finish my task. Brother and I, quite frankly, love the fact when I get up. On Monday, I know what I have to do. I have to teach the Ethiopians. I have to grade papers for the seminary. And then I have free time with my family. Tuesday, I get up. I have to make my Sunday school class. Wednesday, I get up. I have to prepare for prayer meeting. Thursday, I complete my Sunday school. Friday, I teach the Ethiopians. And I turn the corner towards Sunday morning sermon. And Saturday, I mop up. Now, I have other things to do in addition to those things. But brethren, I'm very happy that when I wake up by Monday morning, I know what I have to do. Can you imagine being a child in a home where there's no clearly defined expectations? Remember what God told his people through his prophet. He has shown you, O man, what is good, and what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with our God. He has specified most clearly in the word of God that which he expects from us. Fail to have consistent expectations. By this, I mean we change our expectations too often or too regularly. Every week, the home has a new revised set of rules. Last week, they could do this. This week, they can't. You can imagine how confused the children are. Wait a minute now. Can we get this straight? Are we allowed to do this? No, no. We couldn't do it, but now we can. Are we allowed to do that? No. We could, but now we can't. And I understand that rules change. But think of how God has it. He's had the same moral law all along. His rules hasn't changed. What was right will be right, and what was wrong will be wrong. Yes, He had additional positive laws that were unique. He had a positive law to Adam. He had positive laws to Israel. He has positive laws to us. The change of the Sabbath from Saturday to Sunday and the New Testament ordinances of baptism and the supper. But there's still fundamentally and foundationally one common consistent law. J. Adams said, when rules change day by day, a child doesn't know where he stands. When rules are enforced only at the parents' whims. The child becomes confused. Such rules are really no rules. They tend to provoke frustration. When discipline keeps changing day after day, kids finally throw their hands in the air and say, what's the use in trying to keep these rules? You never know what they're going to be. And then thirdly, fail to have harmony between parents. By this I mean the parents aren't in agreement as to what should and shouldn't be done. When mom's there, you can do this. When dad's there, you can't do that. And this might result from a couple of reasons. Perhaps there's poor communication between the parents. They simply need to sit down and get on the same page. Or else, perhaps even more criminally, there's disagreement between them, which results in two standards, one from the mom and the other the dad. Yeah, I know daddy said you can't do that. Brother, stop and think about this. You have a five or a seven-year-old. Mommy, I can't do that. Daddy said, I know. He's not here, though. Keep in mind. What I'm gonna say here in a minute about being consistent in obeying all God-given authority for ourselves, because that's really a form of hypocrisy, isn't it? Surely we understand, beloved brethren, there are fewer ways to frustrate our children than to have disunity between parents. Mom and dad has to talk, and even if there's discrepancy, and there always will be, She might think this, he might think that. But we get on the same page privately. And then we present what? A unified front to the children. So that the children never see us in disunity that takes place behind closed doors. Well, honey, I think this. OK, let me think about that. All right, well then, children, here it is. There are times when me and mom have talked it over, and we've come up, we think that this is okay, or now we're not going to do that. Brethren, that happens, doesn't it? For a number of reasons. But all I'm saying here is that it has to happen behind closed doors, and there has to be the presentation of a common front, a unified household, oh brethren, is a happy household. Thirdly, have realistic expectations. By this I mean parents who impose a standard that exceeds God's standard surely are tempting their children to wrath and discouragement. Now, brethren, I'm fully aware that we live in a day when many people lower the standards far beneath God's standards. Furthermore, there are many parents today who expect too little from their children. For example, how many times have we been told that young children cannot sit still in the worship of God for an hour sermon? Brethren, that's absolutely a lie. It's wrong. It's not true. The parents just have to teach their children a little at a time. Start them little in family worship. This is your chair, and you sit in this chair only in family worship, and you have to sit there for five minutes. If you come off the seat, daddy's gonna take you in private and spank you. And before you know it, a couple weeks have passed, and the three-year-old is sitting still for five minutes. Maybe a week's passed, not even three weeks. Brethren, you do know that family worship, when the kids are little, it's not all that much worship happening, It can be very difficult, but stick to it, because then you know, then you're going to have them stay for 10, 15 minutes sitting there. And then before you know it, they're sitting there for an hour and 45 minutes during the morning worship. Oh, brethren, I think we do live in an age, don't we, where the standards have been in many ways slightened and lowered. But here I'm thinking of parents who simply expect too much from their children in terms of performance and understanding. Remember what the psalmist said of our Heavenly Father, Psalm 103.14, he knows our frame, he remembers where but dust. First, beware of having too many rules. We have to keep in mind, brethren, our Father's example. He's given us ten rules. Now, these are pregnant commandments, and they include all of the other particular commands in the Bible, but He's given us ten commandments. In fact, Jesus reduced them down to two. Brethren, more commandments doesn't always mean good. And yes, there's liberty for households to draw the lines on certain issues. I understand all that. But the bottom line, brotherness, is God has given us 10 commandments. Beware of having overly strict rules. One sure way to provoke our child or children to wrath is to bind them by unnecessarily strict rules. And again, every household has a liberty to determine exactly what that does and doesn't entail. But my own basic opinion, and it's just that, if it's not sinful, if it's not harmful, if it's not questionable, I probably would allow it, as opposed to being so stinkingly strict on every single particular. Because remember, the rules you make, you have to enforce. The rules you make, you have to enforce. And you have to make them, Father, in light of the Bible and in view of God's all-seeing eyes. That's your prerogative with your wife's input, for sure. But remember what Jesus said, take my yoke upon you and learn of me, for I'm meek and lowly in heart. And you shall find rest for your souls, for my yoke is easy and burden is light. Fourthly, practice what you preach. Brother, we can hardly expect our children to honor their parents if we don't honor the authority in our lives. For example, parents that are constantly complaining about their own parents or their pastors or their employers are hardly good examples. How hypocritical is it for parents to expect from their children what they fail to exemplify in themselves? If they're chronically complaining about their parents, I can't believe my mom, I'm talking about this is an elderly mom or an elderly dad. I just can't believe that my mom does this and says this and my dad says this and does that. Perhaps even more heinous. Can't believe the preacher. Can't believe these pastors. Always complaining about the brethren. Complaining about every single thing in the church. Their jobs, their bosses, so unfair, so unjust, their co-workers, their neighbors. Brethren, it's very difficult, isn't it? It's very difficult. to lawfully expect your children to honor God-given authority in their life, if you're not honoring God-given authority in yours. Now does that mean that we're to not expect them to, even if we fail? Of course not, brother, and they still have to do it. But here's the beauty of this. Where are our children going to find true religion exemplified more consistently and clearly, or where they ought? Where should our children see true religion exemplified more consistently, but in the home? And let me ask you this. How essential to true religion are the concepts of humility, confession, and forgiveness? See, brethren, this is something that I learned rather early on for which I'm thankful. I want to give a good example of religion to my children. And here's one way in which I do that. I acknowledge when I sin. I tell my children, daddy's not perfect. We have a savior who's perfect. Christians aren't perfect. Christians are saved sinners. Oh, we want to obey God out of loving gratitude, yes. But sometimes we don't. And when we don't honor God and obey God and keep his commandments, When we do speak naughtily of mom, or rudely and evilly to one of the children, or we do talk bad about the preacher, or about our parents, or about our bosses, what do we do? We acknowledge it. And we have a family meeting, and we say, you know what? You all heard me speak to mama last night in a way that was weak. And I'm not here justifying my behavior, I'm just simply saying it was wrong. Will you forgive me? I've asked mama, she's forgiven me. Will you forgive me? I've asked God, he's forgiven me. Will you forgive me? And brother, I guarantee you this, if you do that consistently and humbly, your children will learn early on to be very gracious in extending it. Oh, for sure, daddy, we forgive you. And then you can go and expect them to obey God, yes. with strictness and exactness. Because you've taught them what to do when they don't, and that is to what? Acknowledge their sins to God and to anybody else they've sinned against. And yes, that will include, on some level or another, mom and dad. Brother, I can't even imagine being raised in a home, a Christian home, where the parents never acknowledge their sins. There's only two reasons that that can happen. One, you're sinless. Which is unlikely. Or two, you're proud. And your children see it. They know it. And this is the beauty of it, brother, of being a Christian. We don't have to pretend that we're something we're not. Because I've said this before, your religion is no better than your wife and children testify. Oh, it's pretty easy to come to church. How you doing, brother? Oh, excellent. Praise God. How you doing? What book you have? Oh, the works of Jonathan Edwards. I checked them out and was reading them. Wow. Hey, did you watch that podcast I sent you? Oh, I did. Unbelievable. And people think, wow, this is one holy and pious man. His family must be so exceedingly blessed. And then he gets home and he's an altogether different person. Why not just be you everywhere you go? A sinner saved by grace. Brethren, I've long since given up trying to be something that I'm not. Just own it. Acknowledge it. Teach your children that the Christian religion is a sinner's religion. It's for sinners. Sinners who get changed, yes, they get forgiven, and now they want to obey God, yes, that's all true, and Christians do obey God, generally speaking, but when they don't, they own it. There's a nice little book entitled, Child Training Tips, What I Wish I Knew When My Children Were Young. You know, when I was thinking about that book, I actually can write that book. Because that's actually what I'm doing today, isn't it? I'm basically giving you the fruit of my parenting years. telling you what I would do had I known better 25 years ago. He has a chapter in that book entitled, Frustrating Your Child. And he gives 25 ways, common ways, parents provoke their children to wrath. And guess what the very first of 25 ways is? I quote. Never admit that you're wrong. Always be right. Acknowledge no mistakes. Excuse, justify, and rationalize every error. Do that, and you of certainty will provoke your children to wrath and discouragement. But conversely, brethren, just own it. Just own it. And it's going to be a wonderful testament to your children about the grace of God in Christ. Lastly, give proper commendations. Another way to provoke your children is to fail to give them any proper praise or encouragement. Beware of chronic fault finding. The only time you speak to your children is to point out some fault or some error in their lives. Brother, and everybody needs encouragement. I need it. I love the little email I get every 40 years. That's an overstatement. I get far more than that, far more than I deserve. The little note of encouragement. My wife thrives with encouragement. When I say to her, sweetie, you are doing so good, It puts so much wind in her sail, she like speeds up. If she was a boat across the Atlantic Ocean, she goes from New York to England overnight. Well, something like that. It puts wind in her sail. I can see it. And rather than I can see it looking back, and even today to my grown children, when I tell them, honey, you're doing a great job. They just thrive. It's like a flower that was dying and withering away and then there's this sunshine and fresh water that comes upon it and it just brightens up and comes to life. The author of the book I made reference to said in another Some persons get into such a habit of finding fault that it becomes as natural to them as to breathe. Nothing pleases them. In every action, in every event, they're always searching for something to disapprove. like venomous reptiles. They have the faculty of extracting poison from the choicest blessings. They can always find something wrong in the best deeds. And brethren, I've said this, but let me repeat it. This is helpful, isn't it, with respect to our wives? Because our wives work so amazingly hard. When was the last time you just said to her, sweetheart, thank you, you do so great. But we can take everything for granted and only find fault in what she's otherwise doing well. There's no Q-tips in the little container. This is actually a real live illustration. Because a few days ago I looked and I saw that the Q-tips were getting lower. And then there was only one and I used it. And the next day I expected it to be replenished and it wasn't. And I got frustrated in my heart. What is this woman doing? You can't even keep the Q-tip thing filled up? Sweetie, there's no Q-tips in the bathroom. Oh, can you get it for me? They're over there. Brethren, just stop and think of how much our women do for us. It's quite amazing, isn't it? And we could do it the other way too. Wives should give thanks to their husbands for all that they do. I'm not saying you gas people up with lies. You're just acknowledging the reality that they are overall doing a good work. It's so easy, especially when you have a handful of little ones, to always be finding fault because kids are naughty and they're often doing things that are wrong. But what if you don't, why not on occasion? On occasion. Well, perhaps even quite often. Find things for which they can be praised. Brethren, we all need encouragement. I think this is implied, isn't it, in the Colossians text. Don't provoke them lest they become discouraged. One way you can provoke them to become discouraged is that you're always chronically finding fault and you're never acknowledging any good. Let me close with a couple quick helps or practical suggestions. First, be observant. By this, I mean parents must remember that each child is unique and different from the others. Obviously, they have a lot of things in common, much in common. But nevertheless, they are individual people. There's some children of mine, when they were young, they were more obstinate than others. And then there was some, at least one, that was easily humbled And so with reference to the latter of them, the one that was easily humbled, when she came to the study to receive discipline, and because I didn't want to give the impression of favoritism, and that I was going to be consistent in the application of the rod, I still spanked her. But I assure you this, those spankings were pretty modest in comparison to what her sisters got. I basically just went through the motion like, and she's weeping and wailing. And then another one of her sisters, maybe I'd have to come like this. And that often for the same crime. Why? Because children are different. Furthermore, beyond this, it's important to get to know each child's strength and weakness. One might be more intellectual and loves to read. Another more hands-on and loves the outdoors. This is how God deals with us, doesn't he? I mean, he deals with us corporately, but then individually. Jesus said that the good shepherd knows the sheep by name. He deals with us individually. And we ought to deal with our children as individuals. And if this is going to take place, then we have necessity, have to be observant. And again, that takes work, doesn't it, brother? Parenting is not easy. It's difficult. It's 1,000 times over worth it. But it's not easy. Ask questions. Here, I primarily mean that fathers, especially, firstly, ought to ask their wives, how are they doing? My wife constantly asks me this. Sweetie, is there anything I'm doing that you don't like? Is there anything that you want me to do differently? And why does she do that? Because she knows that she at least potentially can fail. And she wants to do better. There's nothing wrong, brethren, in asking your wife, how am I doing? Do you think I'm provoking any of the children in a sinful way? Do you think I'm provoking any of the children to wrath and or discouragement? If so, lady, tell me. And if I ought to, by God's grace, I'll repent and change. And it may even necessitate me to repent and confess my sin to my child. And you know what? It's not even wrong to ask an older child. Maybe it's 10, 11, and you're out cutting wood or mowing the lawn, and you might say, hey, Mark, let me ask you something. Is there anything that I do with reference to you that wrongly tempts you or provokes you to become discouraged? The only thing I can think of, Dad, would be, I just feel like you talk to the other kids, but I never get any alone time with you. Okay. Now, Mark can be right or he can be wrong, but this is Mark's perception and it's important to me. So then I have to say, well, you know what, Mark, let me think about that. and get back to you on that. Brother, can you imagine the tragedy of having full grown children leave the house and they've never even had that opportunity to talk so freely to their parents? There's all this built up frustration in them and they leave out and there's never been any context in which they can vent it and address it. How tragic it is, my beloved brethren, to have your children in your house for 18 plus years and they leave and you don't really even know them individually. What a tragedy it would be for them to leave, intentionally so, because mom or dad, oh, he talks a good game. He reads good Puritans. but he's never really practically showed any interest in me. Brother, that is so unlike Jesus, isn't it? That's so unlike our Heavenly Father. Don't forget that even though our children are largely isolated from things, it's still difficult being a child, and it's still difficult being raised in this evil and degenerate age. You'd be surprised possibly to know all the things that your children struggle with as mine did. Because we're sinful and we live in a sinful age. And yes, every child's different. And you need to find out. And there's only one way to find out. and that is to talk to them and ask them, how are you doing? How are you doing religiously, obviously, but how are you doing? Don't fool yourself, brethren, in thinking our children don't struggle with many things because they likely do. Get to know them personally. Pray fervently. Here I have to remind you that unless the Lord build a house, they who labor, they labor in vain who build it, Psalm 127.1. Brother, we have to pray daily for our children. I wouldn't be Pharaoh and put some extra biblical weight upon your conscience. But surely if we believe everything that I've just said, we would pray regularly for our children by name. Let us not only talk to them about God, but let us talk to God about them. Oh, Father, be with that young one. Help him. Help him to be open to me. I feel like he's a casket. He just won't open up to me. I'm so afraid for him. Brother, let us bring all of our babies to the throne of grace. Oh Father, I pray for my five, my four and my two, that's how I used to say it. And now I got five, five and one coming, God willing. Oh Lord, be with my five. Be with their spouses and boyfriend. Be with the five babies and the one to come. Provoke not your children to wrath. Let's pray. Our Father, we do bless you for your word and we pray now your blessing upon it. We confess we often do bad and we're so thankful that you're so gracious and forgiving. Help our children to have a similar mindset as they see us reflect your, yes, your holiness, but also your graciousness, patience, and forgiveness. And Father, we pray that you'd bless the feeble efforts of our parenting. Make each and every one of our little ones and older ones, oh God, to become Christians. that they might in turn eventually have their own spouses, their own homes, their own children, and that they too, not perfectly but generally, can live in such a way that they would not provoke their children to wrath and or discouragement. We ask for Jesus' sake. Amen.